Reflection

"Thea." A blonde woman came out from her office as Thea looked up from her magazine she was reading in the waiting room.

"Oh, hey." Thea smiled, heading towards her therapist she had been seeing ever since getting out of rehab.

"It's like a blizzard out there. You know I do phone appointments to, right?" Tracy, her therapist asked.

"I do but I… I just prefer face to face. I'm not much of a caller." Thea shook her head, heading into the office which she was now very familiar with over the past few months.

"I think most people are like that." Tracy nodded, sitting down on the chair as Thea sat across, "You're getting big now." She smiled.

"Yeah she's growing in there alright." Thea nodded, "I forgot how tiring it was creating a person." She shook her head as Tracy smiled.

"Well, at least you're experienced, you know what's ahead." Tracy nodded.

"I actually think I'm more scared than I was when I had James. I don't know if that's common. The older you get the more paranoid you get." Thea shrugged.

"It's possible." Tracy said, "What are you paranoid about?"

"Just… if I'll be able to keep up with everything. My mom had three kids and I saw her hustle hard with us." Thea nodded, "I just want to be present with all three of them but I'm scared that when the baby comes, the other two will get less attention."

"I think that's pretty common for mom's to feel that way when they have another baby, but trust me, it doesn't happen. Motherly instincts kick in and we just end up being there for everyone just the same. Even if it's on very little sleep." Tracy nodded, "You have nothing to worry about."

"Well, I've lived such a life where that phrase sometimes doesn't live up to its true meaning." Thea shrugged as Tracy nodded.

"Holiday season is upon us." Tracy pointed out, "Do you enjoy holidays?"

"I do." Thea nodded, "I try not associate Christmas with previous Christmas' that were terrible. I try look at every new year as a different one." She said, "I think I get most of my joy from the kids, watching how excited they get. And then being with all your family." She smiled as Tracy nodded.

"Anything that makes you anxious about the holidays?" Tracy asked her.

"Well… there tends to be a lot of alcohol around, right?" Thea nodded, "And sometimes my family draw more attention to it by trying to hide it." She shook her head, "I don't think I'm in any kind of headspace where I'm thinking about alcohol or anything like that." She said.

"That's good." Tracy smiled.

"Maybe when I'm up at 4am feeding a newborn I might." Thea teased, "But as of right now I… I feel ok." She nodded, "I think she's keeping me going. That's probably another reason why I'm more nervous for her to get here. I'm kinda scared the stress might have me spiral-"

"You don't gotta speak anything into existence." Tracy shook her head, "She's gonna keep you going even more so when she gets here." She nodded.

"I'm naming her after my grandmother." Thea nodded, "Sam."

"That's sweet." Tracy smiled, "Were you close?"

"Yeah. Yeah, we were." Thea smiled, "She was more like a best friend than a grandmother."

"I think she'd be thrilled about the name." Tracy nodded.

"Oh, she'd hate it." Thea scoffed, "She'd absolutely hate it. She'd tell me to give her a proper name. To be more original." Thea smiled herself, picturing her grandmother clear as day, "I do miss her a lot."

"She's still here. As long as you keep talking about her, smiling about her, she's here." Tracy nodded as Thea smiled, "It's not the end of the year just yet but what do you think you're gonna remember most from this year?"

"Really?" Thea asked, "You want good or bad?"

"Both." Tracy shrugged.

"I don't think I've ever hit rock bottom as hard as I hit this year." Thea nodded to herself, "I've finally admitted that. I was… just a mess. And I didn't even care that I was killing myself." She shook her head. In her more positive state of mind, it was hard to think about how bad she really had gotten, "But it's like the old saying, the only way is up."

"You think you learned a lot about yourself this year?" Tracy asked.

"Yeah. I did." Thea nodded, "And not just learning about my mental illness or my addiction, but learning about who I am as a person. I've always felt sort of stuck in between. I've actually discovered a lot of things that I love to do, and I make time to do them now." She said, "Like baking."

"You like baking?" Tracy smiled.

"I do." Thea nodded, "And it's something I can do with the kids and they love it. I've started reading again. I really forgot how much I loved reading. Me and my friend Lucia, we swap books with each other every few weeks. It's like book club for two." She laughed a little.

"It's great to share the things you love with people you love." Tracy nodded.

"It is." Thea smiled, "I'm just doing my best to acknowledge how far I've come. Cause… I mean, I have come a long way from putting shit inside my body and getting drunk every day to sitting here talking to you about how much I love reading." Thea rolled her eyes, "It's all very responsible of me." She nodded as Tracy chuckled.

"It is." Tracy laughed with a smile, "It's also very strong of you. And you're so right to acknowledge that. Never stop acknowledging that." She nodded as Thea smiled to herself.

"You don't have to come in with me." Punk shook his head, standing outside cook county with AJ.

"I know I don't but… we haven't been in this place before and sat on the same side." AJ looked up at him.

"We haven't." Punk realised, "We did a lot of time sitting across from each other." He nodded.

"Not anymore." AJ nodded, "It's not our story to feel like we need closure but it's… it's our daughter, and this man was someone we thought was on our side. Friend or not." AJ said, "I think we get to have our say, and I hope when we walk out of these doors we don't ever have to come back." She said as he nodded.

"Me neither." Punk nodded to her, taking her hand and squeezing it.

They walked in through the doors, filling out some forms and signing a visitation list before being walked through to the visitation room. It was very strange for AJ to be back in the room where she came to visit him for so long. It didn't cripple her so much with anxiety now that she had him by her side again, holding her hand.

They sat down at a table, watching as inmates came and went from the release door. Punk then watched as Vincent eventually was escorted out of the door, handcuffs still on his wrists in front of him. He promised he would keep his cool. If not for him, then for Jude.

Vincent walked over to the table, looking at them both for a few seconds before sitting down on the chair across.

Punk could see he was beaten badly and that pleased him very well.

"I have nothing to say to either of you." Vincent shook his head.

"Really?" Punk looked at him.

"Really." Vincent nodded, "If you're here to punch me then punch me so I can go to medical and we can just… get this thing over with." He said.

"Looks like you're getting punched enough." Punk nodded whilst AJ stared at him intently.

"Yeah, apparently you made friends in here." Vincent nodded as Punk looked at him with confusion.

"None that I know of." Punk shook his head.

"Why?" AJ interrupted, looking at Vincent who turned to her, "Why did you do what you did and then… pretend to be our friend. Pretend to take Rio down with us when you were just doing his dirty work the entire time." She shook her head.

"Don't act like you never did dirty work for him either, Mendez." Vincent shook his head.

"What you did and what I did are two completely different things. They couldn't be any more different." AJ shook her head.

"Both criminal offences." Vincent shrugged.

"We didn't come here to ask why." Punk butted in, "Cause we know that we'll never know or understand."

"So why'd you come? To point and laugh?" Vincent asked.

"Maybe." Punk nodded, "Do you have children?" He asked.

"I have a son and a daughter." Vincent nodded, "Don't speak to them much."

"I can imagine why." AJ glared at him.

"Well I hope that you never have to know that two people drugged and raped your daughter, leaving her with mental scars that will… never go away. I hope you never have to hold your daughter and listen to her cry and ask why it was her. I deal with pain pretty well but that shit… that's torture." Punk nodded to him as Vincent looked at him, not saying anything else.

"Rio was always so right about you." Vincent shook his head, "You were never gonna last in this game."

"I didn't want to." Punk assured him.

"Yes you did. Before you and I got arrested when we were nineteen, you were all in. The only reason you were pulled back was because of her." He pointed to AJ, "And that's why you'd never make it."

"Well if there's one thing I've realised from being surrounded by women for most of my life, it's that they're much stronger than men, especially when they're backs are pushed against the wall. You see that as a weakness? I think it's the reason I'm still alive." Punk nodded.

"Yeah and what a pity." Vincent nodded as Punk smiled a little, "I'd rather have no one and die alone in here than have a fucked up family like yours." He shrugged, "I think most would." He said as AJ smiled a little.

"Fucked up, maybe. But last time I checked, most people like you who have had issues with us are dead." AJ shrugged, "So it really doesn't keep us awake at night." She assured him.

"Does it scare you?" Punk asked, "Knowing you're gonna die in here all alone, just like him." He nodded as Vincent stared at him.

"Are we done?" Vincent looked at them both.

"We're done." Punk nodded. There was nothing else left to say. All he wished to see now was this man limp back to what was now going to be the rest of his miserable life.

"I hope they keep beating you in there." AJ spat as Vincent stood up.

"And I hope your daughter can go a day without therapy one day." Vincent looked at her as AJ quickly stood up, about to claw for his neck when Punk grabbed her back.

"Don't." Punk whispered to her as Vincent shook his head, turning and limping away slowly as Punk and AJ watched him, "This is his life now." Punk nodded to her as AJ sighed, taking a deep breath to maintain herself.

"Let's go." AJ nodded.

"Yeah." Punk placed his hand at the small of her back, heading out of the room when he heard his name being called, in a voice so familiar to this setting.

"Phil?" Tom questioned from across the room, standing up as Punk turned around and looked over.

"Holy shit." Punk raised his eyebrows as he noticed his former cell mate, unfortunately back in prison attire.

AJ watched as Punk wandered back into the room, over to the man she'd met a few times.

"It's you." Tom smiled fondly, giving him a huge hug as Punk hugged him back, noticing the prison guard standing by the door watching.

"Dude, what happened?" Punk pulled back, "How come you're back in here?" He asked sadly.

"Ahh, I just got into some trouble." Tom shook his head.

"A lot of trouble." A woman sitting at the table added.

"That's my daughter." Tom nodded as Punk smiled to her.

"How long for? How long you in?" Punk asked whilst AJ walked over.

"Just a couple years. Really, it was just some petty stuff." Tom nodded to him, "But I got you." He nodded.

"What?" Punk shook his head.

"I heard about the guy in here doing time for your daughter's rape." Tom nodded, "So I… beat on him every day." He shrugged as Punk and AJ both looked at him with raised eyebrows and a forming smile.

"It's you." Punk whispered with a smile.

"I uh… I remember you'd always talk about your kids and… I remembered the girls name, because of the Beatles song." Tom nodded, "And you know how word gets around in this place. So I said to myself, that was Phil's girl, I gotta make this dude's life hell every day when he wakes up. I think I'm doing pretty good with it." He nodded as Punk smiled and chuckled, turning to AJ who was also smiling.

"What's going on over here?" A prison guard came over, suspicious about the standing conversation.

"You're a crazy son of a bitch." Punk smiled, giving Tom a hug as he hugged back, "Thank you." Punk whispered as Tom patted his back.

"I still don't believe you don't drink." Tom whispered as Punk laughed to himself.

"I know you don't." Punk nodded.

"Alright, you're not here to visit him." The prison guard realised.

"We're going." Punk assured, pulling back from the hug with a smile, "Be careful."

"I always am." Tom scoffed as Punk smiled, leaving the visiting room with AJ, taking her hand as she looked up at him.

"And I thought you didn't have friends." AJ smiled to him.