Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
Chapter warning: mentions of negative vices
Cross my heart and hope to die
Taking this one step at a time
Got your back if you got mine
One foot in front of the other
Blaise spent the first year of Hogwarts answering questions about his mother. He spent his second year answering questions about the death of his mother's sixth husband. Now it was third year.
Blaise spent the summer with Talbert because Elara was in Costa Rica or maybe Brazil. Blaise couldn't remember. She was somewhere in South America. After he started Hogwarts, his mother was rarely around. Blaise considered himself a full functioning adult now and loved to boast to others that fact.
He was reaping the consequences now. "But she was never home!" Blaise argued. "I take care of myself. Talbert, my elf, signed right below my name."
Professor McGonagall shook her head. "I am sorry, Mr. Zabini. The only way you can attend the Hogsmeade trip is if you had your mother sign the permission slip. Since she did not, you have to stay here."
Blaise looked at his friend Draco. "Drake, can't you do something?" Draco shook his head and started walking to the carriages with Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy.
"There is plenty to do here, Mr. Zabini. Besides, you aren't the only student staying behind," McGonagall said. "However, I will allow you to owl your mother a copy of their permission slip to sign. This is your only second chance. If she does not, then you will just have to wait until next year."
Blaise nodded and took the piece of parchment. He watched his friends and classmates ride off to Hogsmeade.
This is stupid and unfair, Blaise thought. I deserve to be on that trip.
Blaise stalked back towards his room in the dungeons. He slumped onto his bed and stared at the permission slip. He sighed before crumpling it up and throwing it into the corner. His mother wouldn't sign it. She didn't even bother to return his owls. This was supposed to be the perfect life. He would just have to be the ruler of Hogwarts when the others were gone.
Life got worse. Blaise became a prefect and seeker sixth year because Draco had too much too handle. He noticed Draco wasn't the only one in trouble. Pansy looked like death almost every day and slept with anyone. Daphne was purple. Goyle's fists were always bloody. Theo seemed to be angry and depressed. Crabbe was drinking whenever he could. Millicent was in the bathroom after every meal. Tracey could be found on the balconies during her free time smoking muggle cigarettes. Blaise took pride in being the only one not in trouble with some sort of demon, and he made sure to remind people of that.
Two months into the year, only the sixth year Slytherins were in the common room. The rest were outside enjoying the final days of good weather or in the library. Blaise glanced around at his fellow housemates.
Draco was sitting in an arm chair staring at the clock. Pansy was half asleep on the opposite side of the couch from him. Daphne was staring at the ground while sitting next to Goyle, who was massaging his hands. Theo was sitting against a wall trying to read but always glancing up at Daphne every minute. Crabbe was next to Goyle drinking out of a flask. Millicent was walking out of the restroom. Tracey was next to the fire staring at it and biting her nails while constantly fidgeting.
"You're all so fucked up," Blaise said after he was done observing. All of classmates looked up at him. "You're all pathetic. You've succumbed to demons without a fight. You're suppose to be Slytherins!"
"What does this mean, Zabini?" Crabbe growled.
"You all should've had the ambition to win."
"We do," Millicent sneered. "It doesn't have to be visible. It's a constant struggle."
"You could've been cunning and outwitted those demons and struggles."
"How can we do that if we are fighting ourselves?" Theo snapped. "You cannot outwit yourself without leading to your death. If our demons are not ourselves, then they are someone who is stronger and more powerful than ourselves. How do we escape that without harming ourselves?"
Blaise scoffed. "That is pathetic rubbish, Nott. You say that to try and justify why you are such a lazy arse."
"Shut up, Zabini!" Draco screeched. "Just shut up. All of us are struggling at this minute, so just shut up and leave us be."
"I struggle with nothing."
"Bullshit," Pansy argued. "You're vain and alone. We all know you've never been on a Hogsmeade trip because your mother won't sign the permission slip. We know you absolutely despise your mother. Sorry about the loss of your stepfather. Wasn't that husband number seven? We know you have to take care of yourself. You think you're better than us, Zabini. Newsflash, you're not; you are as beaten as the rest of us."
Blaise jumped up yelling, "Shut up! I am better than all of you! I am! I'll prove it to you all! I'll prove it!" He collapses to his knees sobbing. "I'll prove it. I'm better. I'll prove it to you, mother. I'm worth it."
It was in that moment he and his housemates realized how damaged he truly was. Blaise wasn't special; he was broken just like the rest of them.
Theo refused to join Umbridge's inane squad. He watched the terror it created throughout the halls of Hogwarts. It reminded Theo of the years he lived with Avery and his companions. He didn't live with them this past summer because his father was better and the Dark Lord was back. He visited his father one day. Finley had told Theo, who stayed in his bedroom for the duration of the visit.
The air was cold the December morning Theo was walking up the stairs of the owlery to send off a letter to his father. He was hoping to return home for Christmas, but only if his father was doing well. His short-eared owl, named Styx, was in a corner by herself. The other owls seemed to be congregated on the opposite side of the tower.
"Hello girl," Theo whispered, scratching the top of the owl's head. Styx nuzzled into his touch. "I need you to take this letter to patéras. Make sure he reads it right away."
The owl cooed and opened her beak. Theo chuckled and reached into his pocket where he had a dead mouse. He swore Styx glared at him. He knew mice were not her favorite. "I promise to give you vole once you are successfully back. Now eat your breakfast so I can give you the letter."
She twitched her head to the side and snatched the mouse out of his hand, swallowing it in one gulp. Theo tied the letter to her ankle. She hopped, indicating she wanted him to carry her outside to fly off. "You can be such a lazy yet brilliant bird," He stretched out his arm allowing Styx to hop on it. "Look at this, you have me trained when I'm the one who is supposed to be in control."
He stepped out onto the landing. "Be careful, Styx. Swear to me you will return." Styx cooed and took off.
"Well, well, well, what are you doing out here so early, Nott?" Theo looked over and saw Warrington leaning against the tower. "You know it's against the rules."
"Then what are you doing out here?" Theo asked.
"The High Inquisitor has started to set up morning ground patrols to catch rule breakers like you. So I'll ask you again Nott, what are you doing out here this early?"
"Well, since I'm at the owlery and you just saw me with an owl that flew away, it can be concluded that I am sending a letter," Theo answered. "I truly thought you had more brains, Cassius."
"That'll be detention with the High Inquisitor, Nott," Cassius sneered. "Let's go."
Theo followed without arguing. This wouldn't be his first detention with the toad herself. He got one a month before after Filch had caught him heading to the common room through secret passages from the infirmary around midnight. He could feel his hand burn at the thought. Cassius knocked three times before entering. "Breakfast starts in ten minutes, Mr. Warrington. I thought you would be done with patrol by now."
Cassius tanked Theo in front of him. "I found Theodore Nott at the owlery."
Theo saw Umbridge sitting behind her desk with her sick smile etched on her face. "What were you doing out this early, Mr. Nott? Thought you could be invisible again?"
Theo shook his head. "No ma'am. I was sending my father a letter. Home is far from here and I wanted to make sure it would get to him in time with plenty of response time. He's not as young as he used to be."
"I'm well aware. I was a first year his seventh year. Leopold Nott would've been quite the catch," she giggled. Theo shuddered at the thought. "I want 250 lines of 'I must not wander'. After that, you may go to breakfast or your first class, depending on how long it takes you."
Cassius shoved Theo into the chair in front of her desk. She set a piece of parchment and one of her quills down in front of him. "Mr. Warrington, I award Slytherin five points for catching this rule breaker, alas I must take five away for him breaking the rules; however, if you tell Professor McGonagall that I may or may not be at breakfast because I've been detained, Slytherin will be awarded five points. I will supervise, Mr. Nott here. Please begin."
Theo picked up and the quill and gulped. He began writing "I must not wander". After 25 lines, he could feel the words being etched into his skin. He saw the words appear at line 50 on his right hand. He glanced to the back of his left hand as he wrote and watched the line "I must be visible" move across the page.
"None is this would've happened if you joined the cause, Mr. Nott," Umbridge said. "You could've avoided your pain. Yes others would feel pain but you wouldn't. You would be free and in charge. You would be rewarded for your hard work. Was this worth your decision?"
Theo didn't reply. He knew it was worth it. Umbridge was all about power, control, and recognition. Those were her weaknesses. Theo smiled through the pain. He finally discovered how to truly be invisible.
Theo watched the flames dance in the fireplace. "What are you doing up, Theo?" He turned to see Daphne standing there with Pansy. He noticed Blaise walk down the stairs from the boys' dormitories.
"I'm waiting," Theo answered. "He's gotta come back."
"Drake's not coming back," Blaise said. "They'll take him with. He'd be a liability here."
"He doesn't want Draco dead yet," Pansy whispered. They all knew she was right. This was punishment for the Malfoys' mistakes. "It's an awful thought but he'll make it out of here alive."
"But will we?" Theo asked. "I've witnessed what will happen to us. My father and Him are mates, best mates. We're stuck. I'm not going down with this shit. My mother always told me to believe in what I want. I think these ideals are stupid but I act like I agree because it's safer. This is our life now."
Daphne stepped forward and hugged him. "Don't think like that, Theo."
"Can I admit I'm scared?" Pansy asked quietly. "I'm scared out of my mind for what will come. I can't sleep."
Daphne agreed. "I don't want people hurt. Part of me wants Potter to win so he can get rid of my father."
"Has it gotten worse?" Theo asked concerned.
"I got a letter from him this morning. I've been arranged to marry Goyle after our seventh year ends."
"No!" Theo argued. "You can't, Daph. I won't let you."
Daphne put her hand on his cheek. "We can't do anything about it," He put his hand over hers. "We just have to enjoy our time together."
"Marry me, Daphne Greengrass. Be my wife. Let's be happy before this world becomes utter shit."
Pansy hacked. "You two make me sick because you are so in love."
"What if I could solve your problem?" Blaise asked. "My grandfather died a couple months ago. The Selwyn's use an archaic system that passes the family title to the oldest boy, or perhaps my grandfather didn't trust my mother which wouldn't surprise me. The point is to get married you need an official member of the Wizengamot and I hold the Selwyn seat. Just give me time to draw up the binding paperwork and you'll be Mr. and Mrs. Nott by the time we get on the train."
"Perhaps there is some good in you," Pansy smirked. "I regret what I said to you towards the beginning of the year."
Theo turned back to his love. He could hear the chaos outside the wall; the fight had begun. Daphne wiped away the tear on his cheek. "I see you, Theodore," she whispered.
He grinned at her answer before smashing his lips onto hers. The chaos grew louder as the battle raged on, but Theo didn't care because someone finally saw him.