There's a ticking time bomb over their head and Subaru hates it.
He doesn't know how or why he's back in the shack, but it doesn't change the fact that at this moment he was here. He wants nothing more than to just fall asleep then and there.
But first, he needs to get his bearings if he truly wants to understand and (hopefully) avoid fate.
If his assumptions are correct, he somehow was able to rewind time when he died (Hah, how ironic, being on the verge of death so many times. How pathetic was that?) And, from what he can tell, today's the day that he and Petra would be found and separated.
Tonight, after he goes to the bookstore with Petra, he's going to be found by cultists (but wasn't there someone else? Damn his crappy memory). He'll run with Petra before being wounded in the leg and carried off. They'll be saved by a clown man and some maids and will get treated for their stab wounds. Something blows up and he's carried off by the cultists with Petra (hopefully) in the right hands.
He'll wake up back in The Mountain before he is told to kill Father. He eventually kills himself (coward, useless, imagine if Petra saw your dead body), and then wakes up back in the shed, doomed to repeat history if he doesn't do anything about it.
This sucks. This really sucks.
"Subaru? You look really pale, wait d-did I get you sick?" Tears began to well in Petra's eyes, the dam holding them in on the verge of collapse. "I-I'm so sorry, I s-shouldn't have been nea-"
"No, no, no, I'm okay. Really I am. You don't need to worry Petra I'm fine, really I am." He brings her into his arms, her body feeling so small against his. He puts his head on top of hers, bringing her closer. The warmth lets him relax, even if it's only a little bit.
"I'm just thinking about some things, okay? There's no need to worry about me."
They stay like this for a while, feeling each other's warmth against themselves, not wanting to let go. If only they could stay this way forever. Not having to worry about the damn Witch Cult, or finding food to eat, or just trying to stay warm during winter. He craves that, and he'll do whatever it takes to make that dream a reality. After all, he might not get another chance.
"Okay Petra, I need you to get ready if we're gonna go to the bookstore."
As they let go, Subaru sees something he'll never forget.
She's beaming.
Smiling ear-to-ear, something awakens inside of Subaru that he didn't know he had anymore.
It's a feeling that Subaru hasn't felt in a long time. It makes his insides feel like jelly and makes him feel nothing but pride. It's impossibly hard to describe what he's feeling right now. He knew he wanted to protect Petra from anything that came her way, but right now the feeling is overwhelming.
He's reminded of the dark-haired woman from his dreams. He remembers the hugs, smiles, and laughs together. He remembers acting like himself around her, playfully hitting her, shouting, apologizing while she playfully hits him back. He remembers going outside and running around with her all because she loved him. That's all there was to it. A connection between them that felt like it could never be broken. Moments lost in the sea of time.
That's what Subaru wants to give Petra. A childhood free of worries and doubts. Where she can play and wander like the child she is instead of being afraid to even speak because she'll get reprimanded. He wants to build a connection between them that won't break and will last wherever they happen to be. So that if they are millions of miles away, they can always remember each other and feel happy and warm.
As he watches her run off to another room the feeling begins to fade. He comes to a realization that if he doesn't do anything, he won't get his happy ending.
And he'll be damned if he doesn't get his happy ending.
There is both joy and suffering here because this beautiful world is a world of duality - a world of opposites. There is an opposite side to everything.
"Subaru? Where are we going?"
Petra looks up at him with a look of confusion across her face like she doesn't quite understand what she's doing. But she doesn't say anything else. She just keeps trying to peer into Subaru as if she would unlock all his secrets that way.
"It's a super-secret place that will protect us from the bad guys in the forest. We'll stay there for a couple of nights." He can see that she's still skeptical at his lackluster explanation of why they're just wandering in the forest. "How about this, tomorrow I'll start teaching you to read."
He sees her face light up at that. He knows that she really enjoyed the bookstore and wanted to learn, so who was he to stop her?
But, he has to tread carefully the next couple of days, who knows how long the Witch Cult has known their location. He needs to play his cards right.
Before they left for the bookstore, he came up with a plan going forward that kinda went something like this.
First, he needs to change his location as soon as possible. If the Witch Cult was planning on striking the shack tonight, he needed to get out of there immediately. Luckily, he remembered a place that they could (hopefully) camp out in. On the night they ran away from Father, he remembered a large mansion with a large field and trimmed shrubs. He remembered the shed they escaped to before the cultists were defeated and they got away. He planned to take shelter in one of those sheds for the time being. As long as they didn't get caught by whoever owns the mansion, they would get free protection from the people working there.
Secondly, he recalls a blue-haired maid at both their escape and his capture (could it even be called that anymore?). If the clown guy and company also lived at the mansion he could maybe go to them for help. But since he wasn't sure about their true intentions, he needed to observe them for a little while before he could fully trust them. If they didn't want to kill him or turn him over to Petelgeuse, great! He would ask for their protection and ask to work there, praying that he wouldn't get rejected. If they do want to kill him (or reject his offer), he'll hitchhike to the capital or beyond (to Kararagi wasn't it?), and be hidden in plain sight. He may not have protection but if he gets far away enough, they won't be able to track him (which is all he really wants). It's half-baked, but it's all he could think of.
Now that he finally has a plan, he knows that whatever higher power will try to stop him so at the very least if he does get caught again he can tell Petra to go into the mansion and hide there.
They finally stop walking as Subaru finds himself next to a large metal fence that seems to tower over them. The orange of the sunset reflecting off the mansion causing Petra to show a face of wonder and awe.
"Welcome to our new home."
He hoists Petra by her armpits and lets her grab onto the top of the fence, her small porcelain hands gripping the black metal. She positions herself at the top of the fence, looking down at Subaru as he clambers on up the fence. Once he gets over, he drops down to the ground landing with a hard thud. Petra glances between the ground and him with a look of fear, like she wasn't sure she could do it.
Subaru puts on the best smile he could muster to try to quell her fears.
"It's okay, I'll catch you." His voice barely above a whisper to try to make as little of a disturbance as possible.
Petra steels her resolve and leaps into his arms, landing not-so-gracefully in them. He lets her down onto the ground and pushes some strands of hair away from her face. The look of contentment morphing into a look of concern.
"S-Subaru! You're bleeding!"
Lo and behold, underneath his jacket, a large gash is present on his right forearm going all the way from his wrist almost all the way to his elbow. It's already starting to stain the ripped jacket. From what he could tell, it wasn't a very deep cut, but still another scar to add to his collection. It wasn't life-threatening, so he would leave it for now.
"It's fine Petra, let's just hurry to where we're staying."
They rush on over to a shed in the far corner of the field, sticking close to the fence to avoid being spotted. As they reach it, Subaru goes through the unlocked door (thank god) and ushers Petra into the shack. This one was mostly empty (most likely due to how far away it was from the mansion) but did have basic gardening tools such as rakes and shovels. There's enough room for them to layout to sleep but unfortunately didn't have any tarps to cover them. Just like the shed that got destroyed, this one also had a lock so that they could hide or run if someone were about to find them.
They had a while to go before it became dark, so all they could do was wait.
There is both joy and suffering here because this beautiful world is a world of duality - a world of opposites. There is an opposite side to everything.
It was night when Ram and he were walking the mansion's grounds.
It was the first night in a while that it wasn't raining and the cold, crisp air was refreshing to what he's had to deal with lately. Watching Emilia work herself too hard is never a fun thing and he's trying to get her to make sure she's taking time for herself as well.
The royal selection was also going to commence soon and with that plus the Witch Cult, he hasn't had much time to just stop what he's doing to just take everything in. So, tonight, he asked to walk with Ram around just to talk and gaze into the night sky.
It was a quiet night, the birds and other wildlife were silent, almost as if the whole forest had gone to sleep. The only thing making noise being the occasional owl in the forest.
The moon was almost full tonight, the reflection illuminating the mansion in a white glow. The water around the various gazebos shining like diamonds. He spots Emilia sitting by the water, her form suddenly lighting up as dozens of little spirits dance around her as if trying to waltz.
"It must be time for her to converse with the spirits." Ram breaks the silence of the night as she looks at Roswaal. "Are you worried about her pushing herself too hard?"
"Hmm." He pauses. "I guess so. Only a sadist would enjoy watching others pushing themselves to the point of exhaustion. I just hope we don't have to see that." He gazes up into the night sky, taking a deep breath of the cold air.
"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?"
One thing that Roswaal noticed is that he's always been fascinated with the night sky. It has a sense of mystery but doesn't feel too far from home. He remembers that ever since he's been a child, whenever he would feel overwhelmed, he would look up to the night sky and just think to himself for a while. Sometimes, he would find out the answers to his problems like the stars had listened to him (he hoped the stars were listening now). There's something cathartic about just losing yourself in the vast expanse of nothingness that can't be replaced.
"It really is."
They start to round the fence when a lone wolf howls in the distance. He notices Ram starting to sniff the air as the mood quickly starts to shift.
"I smell blood. Human blood."
Ram rushes over to the fence a few paces in front of them and peers at it, seemingly taking in every detail.
"Here."
She points to the top of the fence where there was dried blood coating the tip of the post. From the looks of it, it hadn't fully congealed yet, this was a recent wound.
"Go get Rem and use your clairvoyance to survey the place, we don't know who's on the prop-"
"Roswaal!" Emilia rushes over to him with a frantic look in her eyes. "The lesser spirits said they saw two children pass by this evening just before sunset! They saw them go into the shed on the far side of the field, away from the mansion! They didn't see them leave so they're probably still in there!"
Roswaal looked back at Emilia with a sense of disbelief. The chance that the children they were looking for to fall right into his lap was too good to be true. Maybe looking at the night sky did give him all the answers. He should take more walks outside.
"We need to treat this situation very delicately. Ram, go get Rem and update her on the situation. Emilia, stay with me, and make the least amount of noise possible. Worst case scenario, we scare these children and cause them to hurt themselves. We want to find them and render them unconscious. We don't know what state they're in and they most likely don't trust us so we need to have them sleep so we can heal them."
Emilia gives him a nod of agreement and they go off to the far side of the field.
Roswaal and Emilia creep over to the shed, the wind beginning to pick up causing chills to go up and down Roswaal's spine. The anticipation builds as he peers into the frosty window of the shed. He spots two dark figures, one seemingly on guard while the smaller one is sleeping next to them. The figure on guard, however, seems to be slipping in and out of consciousness, like they're on the edge of passing out.
"They're both in there. I'm going to cast a spell that makes everyone in a 20-foot radius fall asleep so please stand over there. I'm going to need your help carrying them back to the mansion so be ready."
Once Emilia was out of range, he was ready.
"El Somnum."
He heard a quiet thud come from inside the shed so he knew that the spell had worked. He gave a hand signal for Emilia to come over and once they (eventually) got the door unlocked, he saw them for the first time.
Natsuki Subaru was in bad shape. He was malnourished and his face was gaunt. It was littered with little scars while his arms were covered in long angry marks like someone had used a knife as a brush and his arms as a canvas. Even with his eyes closed, Roswaal could see the bags underneath them. He was shivering and seemed to be having an unpleasant dream.
Petra appeared to be doing better than Subaru. There were countless smaller scars on her body and she looked like she was at ease. She was underneath what Roswaal assumed was Subaru's jacket and he couldn't see much more than her face. Even only being able to see her face, she appeared to sleep like an infant, vulnerable but calm.
Now was no time to look at them. He needed to get them in the mansion to get them warmed up and healed.
What kind of sadist would purposely harm children to cause them to become like this?
There is both joy and suffering here because this beautiful world is a world of duality - a world of opposites. There is an opposite side to everything.
Shit. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Why does it feel so hot?
Looking down at her sliced stomach Luna can't help but cringe as pain rockets through her as she tries to stitch back the wounds that she got. Fuck. Her fingers slipped again. She needs to put them back in place if she doesn't want her intestines to start oozing out.
She should have known that they were going to do something! Why was she so goddamn blind! She could have at least prepared a little, right?
It was in a large arena where they brought us. Similar to a coliseum, there was one main area and seats lining the outside filled with those damned dark-robed demons. They brought me into an anteroom with nineteen other captives. I heard chatter from some of them, talking about a battle royale, the youngest boy beginning to sob. You could tell everyone was exhausted, some of their bodies were nothing more than skin and bones.
We were led out into the cold arena. The white robes they gave us did nothing to protect against the cold. All twenty of us listened as someone (a finger?) spoke, my ears feeling like they were filled with cotton. Something about getting food and fighting. The only thing I could really hear was the voices in the audience yelling for the battle royale to start.
"Get going already!"
"Let me at the big one!"
"Ring the bell already!"
"I want to get at the one with the black horns! Tear her limb from limb!"
There was a sweet moment of silence right when the bell rang before everything started to move at the speed of light.
Someone's fist smacked against my head. I pivoted as best I could as I missed the guy who had punched me. Then it seemed as if all the captives turned upon me at once. Hits pounded me from all sides while I struck out as best as I could. So many blows landed upon me causing me to wonder if I was the only person against a team of nineteen.
I stumbled around like a baby, trying to avoid everything that was coming my way. The haze in the room became thicker, each blow searing and further restricting my lungs. My saliva tasted like hot copper. Someone got a direct hit on my jaw causing my mouth to fill with more hot copper. It was everywhere. I couldn't tell if the moisture I felt was sweat or blood. Another blow landed on my neck. I felt myself falling, hitting my head against the floor. I laid there as blue streaks began to fill my vision until someone hoisted me back onto my feet. My arms felt like lead and my head was pounding. A fist landed on my stomach and I proceeded to vomit what little amount of food I had eaten onto the arena floor. The remnant bile burned in my throat as I gulped for air.
When I finally pulled myself up I saw it. Everyone was fighting uncontrollably. It was complete anarchy. Everyone fought everyone else. No group seemed to stick together as they would begin to turn on each other. I moved carefully avoiding hits and moved my way around the arena. I went with one group and then switched, slipping in to throw a punch and then stepping out. The roaring of the crowd grew louder and louder in my ears and my mouth filled with blood.
"Knock his guts out!"
"Uppercut her! Kill her!"
"Get the big one!"
The harder we fought the more I saw the other captives start to pass out. From blood loss or exhaustion, it was anyone's guess. Noticing this, I dropped my guard. A blow to my head sent me tumbling as the room began to turn red. It almost felt like a dream, my body lethargic as the floor became impatient as it smashed up to meet me. My eye throbbed and my heart was pounding as the world became black.
Luna took in another labored breath as she further stitched up her stomach.
When I woke up, all of the other captives were looking at one of Petelgeuse's fingers.
"Wonderful. Truly marvelous. Come on up here and get your prize."
They brought out a huge rug with tons of fruit on it. Actual real food instead of the nutrient bars they give that taste like nothing and barely fill you up. I started to salivate.
"Get around the rug now. And don't go for it until I give the signal." As we were told, we got around the square rug on our knees, hands on the ground anticipating his signal.
"Go!"
I lunged for an appa nearest to my side of the rug. I felt other hands on top of mine trying to grab whatever food they could grab to sate their empty stomachs. Suddenly, a hot, violent force tore through my body. An electric rug?! Are you fucking serious? The hair on my body stood straight up as my muscles spasmed. Despite this, I noticed that this didn't stop the others from grabbing more fruit. I laughed in fear, some began picking up the food that others had dropped due to the painful contortions. The cultists roared above us as we struggled.
"Get it already!"
"Pick it up goddamn it!"
I crawled around the electrified floor, trying to pick up as much food as I could, stuffing it into my mouth as quickly as possible. Some began to push to try to get more than others, holding no mercy for the poor souls who couldn't fight back. I saw a boy no older than twelve lifted into the air and dropped, his wet back landing upon the charged rug, hearing him yell and seeing him dance upon his back, his elbows beating the ground in a frenzy, muscles twitching like the flesh of an animal stung by many flies. When he finally rolled off, his face was grey and no one came to help him. As I moved to comfort him, a finger from above spoke.
"It's getting a bit boring here. How about we spice things up a bit?" The finger dropped daggers onto the rug, the crowd roaring in response. I saw one guy with a crazed expression pick up a knife. He wouldn't just start slashing it around, right?
Of course I was wrong. Of course. Of fucking course.
He went over to the woman next to me, cutting deep into her right tricep as blood began gushing out of the wound. It only took a couple of seconds for her to become out of commission and for him to come towards me.
His huge face wavered down to mine as he began slashing through the air around me. Luckily, I got a good hit on his hand causing the dagger to spiral a few feet away from us. He grabbed at me, attempting to throw me down onto the rug but my body was too slippery. I feared that if he got me to fall onto the rug, I wouldn't be able to defend myself, so I held onto him. I had the crazy idea of actually trying to make him fall on the rug instead. I tried not to be obvious, but when I grabbed his leg trying to make him lose his balance, he raised up and kicked me in the chest. I felt my grip slip on him as I tumbled down onto the rug, my nerves feeling like fireworks in my skin.
It was almost as if it was in slow motion, I saw him pick up the knife, walk back over, and cut my stomach open. It felt as if I had rolled through a bed of hot coals. It seemed like a whole decade had passed before I passed out, a decade where I was seared through the deepest parts of my body and my breath was heating to the point of explosion. It'll all be over soon. It'll be over soon. It'll be over.
The next thing Luna knew, she was back in her cage with thin stitches in her stomach struggling to hold together. They must have come loose when she was asleep because about a quarter of the thread was dangling as blood dripped out of her stomach.
When the thread was finally back in place she dropped back down to the floor, moaning from the soreness of well, everything. Physically and mentally. She couldn't help but feel utterly lost and alone. Her only friend in this hell hole died two and a half months ago and she had been by herself ever since then. Everyone else who came in here was only there for a little while and wouldn't talk to her. She had no one to throw nutrient bars at, no one to talk about her life outside of here, no one to help her calm down, and no one to make pinky promises with.
She could only pray that Subaru was in a better place now with other kind souls like him. How long had he been here? She's only been here three months and she can already feel her sanity slowly drift away. From the way he talked about it, it seemed as if he had been there a long, long time before her. How did he not go insane? Why was he different from everyone else here? How could she become like him to survive?
She made a promise to herself at that moment. She will survive this hell. She will get out. And she will see her family again. If not for herself, then for the boy who had made her life at least marginally better in this place.
I miss you Subaru.
There is both joy and suffering here because this beautiful world is a world of duality - a world of opposites. There is an opposite side to everything.
"What's their status?"
Roswaal looks on as Beatrice slowly stops healing them, the blue glow from her hands dimming until the room returns to its natural color.
"They aren't going to die, but they won't be awake for a couple of days, I suppose. It will be harder to heal the girl just because she's younger so she'll probably be unconscious longer than him." She hops off a wooden stool, creaking because of the lack of weight now on it. She glares at Roswaal, seeming to pierce through him before she begins to walk out of the room, her shoes tapping the ground being the only other noise present.
"Thank you, Beatrice, for all your work." Roswaal looks back at the twin drilled spirit who just was about to exit the room.
"I only did it because Bubby asked me to, hmph!" She fully exits the room as Roswaal is left with silence once again. He looks out to the stars outside of the window, how they twinkle and dance on the dark canvas of the night sky.
In these moments he wonders, what did these kids have to go through? The scars on them are endless, the white marks glistening like gems under the light. The bruises on them discoloring their natural skin tone (was it even natural anymore, they were as white as ghosts). The bags under their eyes begging for them to be put to rest even if they were asleep right now. They were unnaturally light and felt fragile in his arms (but knew how strong they must have been to survive hell). Everything about them screamed that they weren't okay and needed help.
He was forced out of his thoughts by the clicking of shoes hitting tile from outside of the room. As he looked behind him, he saw a familiar head of pink hair enter the room to greet him.
"I got their rooms ready, Roswaal-sama. I will carry them there." Ram's blank expression changes to one of mild concern as she looks back at Roswaal. "Is everything alright?"
He stays silent for a second before responding. "Yeah, I'm fine. Let me help you carry them to their rooms and then we can go upstairs."
Ram's face changes into a slight smile. "That sounds great."
There is both joy and suffering here because this beautiful world is a world of duality - a world of opposites. There is an opposite side to everything.
Subaru found himself in The Mine when he woke up.
Something was off though, it was silent. No matter where he was in The Mine, there was always something, anything. Screams reverberating off the walls as people injured themselves (He remembers one man who broke his femur here. His screams still echo in his mind), or even just the pitter-patter of labored footsteps. But now, it was silent. Just him alone with his thoughts. The stone furnace he woke in front of wasn't lit, and the bodies in it were gone. The dark walls surrounding him were clean of blood. This isn't The Mine he knows. He begins to get lost in the emptiness, dark memories beginning to surface, everything he wants to forget creeping upon his conscience.
Moon, high and deep in the sky
Your light sees far,
You travel around the wide world,
and see into people's homes.
A woman's voice shatters the fragile silence surrounding Subaru, forcibly taking him out of his headspace. It's a voice of honey, never peaking too high or dropping too low. The melody of her tune is rich and full, seemingly filling up the cavern with resonance. The long deep notes seemingly underscoring a darker theme before soaring high, emphasizing a joy that Subaru could only wish for. But for how beautiful it was, he couldn't help but feel sad. The way she sings is melancholic, holding onto notes before finally letting go, like a memory of a loved one. To Subaru, it seems so familiar, but ultimately unknown to him.
Moon, stand still a while
and tell me, where is my dear.
But as Subaru looks around, he finds himself alone, the owner of the voice accompanying him nowhere to be found. The voice, however, was growing ever louder, crescendoing to a climax before finally releasing all its tension allowing Subaru, no matter how unnerved, a sense of solace.
Tell him, silvery moon,
that I am embracing him.
Subaru wanders the empty caverns of The Mine, seeing tools and materials strewn over the ground, all alone in the darkness of the caverns. The labyrinth begins to narrow as he passes where he used to sleep on cold nights. As he peers in, the emptiness of the room unsettles him more than he would think. To an outsider, it would just look like an empty room, but to him, it housed the memories of some of Subaru's worst nights.
For at least momentarily
let him recall dreaming of me.
Subaru can finally see a glimmer of light at the end of the cave. When Subaru closes in, however, he finally sees a woman, the owner of the voice accompanying him through the caverns (at this point, could it be called a crypt as well?).
Illuminate him far away,
and tell him, tell him who is waiting for him!
Blonde hair.
White gown.
She turns.
If his human soul is, in fact, dreaming of me,
may the memory awaken him!
Deep cerulean eyes piercing through him.
Skin unmarred and smooth, blemishes absent.
A smile on her face full of genuine happiness and joy.
Moonlight, don't disappear, disappear!
"Celeste?"
"It's been a while huh Subaru?"
He's in shock. The broken girl he once knew, the girl who asked him if the sky was still blue, the girl he saw rot with his own eyes, is standing here, right in front of him. She's beautiful. A delicate flower that bloomed in the liquid light of the moon.
"But how-"
"I don't have much time Subaru." Her eyes dart away like she's afraid. Afraid to look him in the eyes. It wasn't fear though it was something else. Guilt? Apprehension? Something else entirely?
She takes a deep breath before speaking. "I just wanted to say thank you, for making my final days worthwhile." He unconsciously began to rub his right hand, the scars still present from their first encounter. But they didn't cause him to hurt anymore. He wasn't thrust into the depths of his mind like normal.
"I may not be here anymore. But please don't forget about the people you hold closest to you. The people that you can still save. Remember who you fight for, and why." She peered into Subaru, her deep blue eyes looking into his soul, his character, his being.
"And don't forget, there are people who care about you too."
The scenery around Celeste morphs, terrifying patterns embracing the world. The darkness expands, coiling around Subaru's legs and proceeding to his whole body. Subaru frantically moves to escape, but the world's collapse has already expanded to the area near the couple. There's nowhere to run to. And the world's still disappearing.
"Wait, Celeste! I need to-"
"Take care Subaru. I hope to see you again."
He feels a sensation as if the ground under his feet is fading. Stupefied, Subaru looks down. The ground is disappearing. There's no visible end to the darkness beneath him. Probably not a joke, if he fell he'd never return. With the floor beneath him disappearing from existence, he has no way to support his body as he falls forward. He reaches his arms out but they don't touch either the walls or floor and Subaru proceeds to fall into the darkness below.
Subaru couldn't perceive the moment when he regained consciousness. Tinnitus as if heavy rain was falling next to his ears and the world was distorted and unpleasantly tilted.
Deep breaths Subaru. Deep breaths.
The room began to look clearer to Subaru as his rabbiting heart rate was calming. It was dark as Subaru found himself on an actual, honest to god bed. The linens on it were comforting and the pillows underneath his head were soft but supportive. The blanket on top is a pale lime color with a flowery pattern. There's a desk with ink and parchment directly across from him. The ceiling is white with gold outlining and the walls are a pastel blue. He looked out to the window on his right. Nighttime, huh.
Throwing the blankets off, he got up off the bed and looked out the window. Peering out, he can see shrubs and bushes decorating the green grass of the lawn (was it more accurate to call it a field?). He spots a gazebo and little streams flowing around it. Looking further, he sees little sheds spotting the field...
Oh! He must be in the mansion now. He lets out a sigh of relief knowing that he's probably not in any immediate danger. But with this relief comes a sense of anger at himself. His lack of willpower led them to get captured twice. Damn him for being so weak. He can barely even take care of Petra. Luckily for Subaru, however, things seemed like they were finally settling down. But he knew better than to get his hopes up. The last time he did that, he got himself captured.
Subaru continued to look out of the window. The stars in the distance seemed to twinkle around the bright moon that illuminated the field. For Subaru, the vast emptiness of the night sky gave him solace. Being trapped for so many years within the walls of The Mountain and The Mine make him really enjoy being able to see the sprawling expanse of the sky. The night was a special kind of blackness, the kind that wants only to hold the stars and help them to shine all the brighter. It was a warm black that hugged you no matter what, and within its safety, he could feel his own soul all the more clearly.
The door behind him opened with a creak revealing a silver-haired woman with amethyst eyes that pierced through the darkness of the room. Her ears were pointed and her figure was slim, but certainly not super thin. He can't put a finger on it but she seems so familiar to him. She almost seemed startled when she realized that he wasn't in bed, but by the window.
"Subaru?"
She had a concerned look on her face, like a mother would when caring for a child. Her eyes were tired, and he could see the exhaustion in the way she carried herself (probably because he's making a ruckus at god knows what time).
"How are you feeling? Are you hurt anywhere? Do you need me to get you-"
"I'm fine… uh miss what's your name?" He put on a cheesy grin and scratched behind his head. He hoped to put her at least a little more at ease and to relieve some tension in the room.
"Oh right! My name's Emilia. Just Emilia." Even in the darkness Subaru could see her face turn a slight red as she blushed from embarrassment.
"I guess you already know my name so… uh where am I exactly? And is Petra alright?" Damn his shitty social skills. The only person he feels he can really talk to is Petra (and Luna now that he thinks about it).
"Right now you're in the mansion of Roswaal L. Mathers. I guess that doesn't really have meaning to you but just know that we're on your side."
Subaru realized why she seemed so familiar to him. In the past loop (timeline? life? He doesn't really know), he knocked her out after starling him awake in the shack. She was also the one that pulled him and Petra apart when he got captured by the cultists.
In Subaru's eyes, this was already going much better than the last time they met.
"Also, Petra's here too. She hasn't woken up yet but she'll be up in a day or two."
"Is she alright?" A silence seemed to drag out before Emilia finally answered.
"As far as I can tell, she's doing fine. Nothing's injured and she seems to be sleeping peacefully." Subaru let out a little sigh of relief at hearing this. He turned to look back out the window, peering into his reflection illuminated by the glow of the full moon.
"That's good. Thank you for checking up on me, but I'm going to go back to bed. I'm still a little tired and we can just talk in the morning." He walked back over to his bed and sat down, the bed creaking as he put his weight on its springs.
"O-okay then. Goodnight then." She turned to walk out the door, the only noise in the room being the shoes tapping against the wooden floor of the room.
"One more thing before I go." She stopped and faced Subaru with a tired smile on her face.
"What you did was really admirable. Being able to go through so much and still trying to save others is something truly special. I just wanted to make sure you knew how much you mean to others." She left the room and closed the door with a satisfying click as the door completely shut.
As Subaru peered into the night sky once more, he couldn't help to feel at ease (even if in the back of his mind, he was paranoid).
There is both joy and suffering here because this beautiful world is a world of duality - a world of opposites. There is an opposite side to everything.
It was her stomach that woke Luna up.
It had been about a week since she was taken to the arena and her stomach was finally beginning to heal. It still hurt like a bitch, but progress was being made. She had no clue what time it was, but given that the others around her were asleep, she just assumed that it was night (even though it always looks the same in here).
She continued to lay on the ground, her stomach not allowing her to go back to sleep. She closed her eyes and just listened. It was mostly quiet aside from the rustling of the other people in the cavern. Every once in a while she could hear water drop from the stalactites.
But there was something else in the distance. It was… getting louder? Footsteps? There shouldn't be anyone passing by at this time. Strange. She stopped moving and evened out her breathing, acting like she was asleep. She could hear the remnants of a passing conversation.
"...yeah the Archbishop is in a terrible mood right now. He was pulling out his hair and even killed some guys."
"Are you serious? What'd they even do?"
"I heard they let his big project get away. Y'know, the one that escaped a week or two ago?"
A runaway project? She can't help but smile at the news. She notes that the implications of a runaway project must be huge. Whatever they're doing can't be good, so the fact that they were able to escape (and that Petelgeuse is pissed off) makes Luna feel better.
"Ahh, I heard about that, the one that was supposed to become an archbishop, SV-01 right?"
SV-01? Isn't that Subaru? No. That's not right? Right? She saw Subaru die in front of her. His lifeless body was thrown into water as he bled out. It couldn't have been him. Also, him becoming an archbishop? Yeah, right. Because one of the nicest people she ever met was going to become a crazy cult leader like Petelgeuse, uh-huh. She must have misheard them (but part of her mind wants it to be true).
"Yeah, it was SV-01. He escaped with some little girl that was under another finger. Heard that finger's now kept as a prisoner here too."
Wait, what? Holy shit. Are you serious? Luna began to happily tear up for the first time since arriving here three months ago (she knows her emotions are all out of whack right now being stuck here). She felt warm tears streak slowly down her face as she stifled her sobs, trying not to be noticed. Her sobs made her stomach start to hurt but it doesn't matter. She couldn't help but feel ecstatic. Her friend not only was able to escape captivity but saved a little girl as well. Something about the situation made her heart feel a spark of warmth, that maybe everything was going to be alright. Maybe not now, maybe not soon, but eventually.
"Note to self: don't ever get on the Archbishop's bad side." The other cultist chuckled. "Exactly." A long silence enveloped the two.
"You sure we should be talking about this stuff around the captives?"
Luna felt a chill run down her spine. Even though she didn't think they would do anything, you never know with these people. She knew the consequences for disobeying even unwritten rules were harsh. Even if Subaru's alive and free, she still needs to worry about herself first.
"We'll be fine, they're all asleep anyway." Luna let out a small sigh of relief.
"Ah, I guess you're right."
They start to walk away, their footsteps growing quieter and quieter as they make their way through the caverns.
"One last thing, I heard they're trying to get him back by trading someone in here."
Of course they're trying to get him back. Problem is, she knows that Subaru's an empathetic guy who puts others' needs before his own. She doesn't want him back in here. As much as she wants to talk to him and see how he's doing, he's got to put himself first. She just hopes his empathetic nature doesn't get him killed.
"Damn, do you know who?"
She couldn't hear the last part.
There is both joy and suffering here because this beautiful world is a world of duality - a world of opposites. There is an opposite side to everything.
Subaru really needs to learn to stop waking up at night.
This time it wasn't his fault though. Someone came to him and woke him up.
It's a woman, with long brown hair tied into a messy bun. She's quite tall as well, her form almost or even as tall as Subaru. She smells like cleaning chemicals except it's got a tinge of sweetness to it (a hint of perfume maybe?). Her clothes are wrinkled with a brown stain on her apron. Subaru guesses that she's a maid of some sort, the mansion certainly seemed big enough to need one from the outside.
"You're Subaru, right?" She seems apprehensive and tired. She has bags under her eyes by the looks of it.
"The one and only." He gives a slight chuckle. He tries to lighten the mood but if anything he's only made her feel worse. She looks more guilty. Like she's ashamed about something.
"Is something wrong?" Subaru sees the woman cringe. She looks at him, peering into his eyes. She has a somber look that makes him feel on edge. It's a slight discomfort, but discomfort nonetheless. Like being on ground that's slightly tilted.
She sighs. "I'll just cut to the chase. My name's Lucia Allaire-Pascall." Subaru raises his eyes in recognition. Luna's mom? Now that he looks more closely, he sees it. The dark horns on her head, the build, and even the underlying determination in their eyes (however faint it may be).
"I can tell by the way you reacted that it seems you already know me." She pauses, gives a deep sigh, and turns to look out the window. It's still pitch black outside and she can only really see her reflection. After what seems like an eternity, she turns back to Subaru, tears beginning to well up in her eyes. They seemed to be on the verge of collapse.
"S-Subaru… I beg of you." Her tears began to streak down her face, her lips beginning to twitch as she struggled to speak. "Please go back to Petelgeuse! They said Luna would die if you d-don't go back! Please!"
She clung onto Subaru as she began to sob. Her shoulders were shaking and her body was trembling.
"H-he said if you went back, Luna would b-be free. A-and that P-Petra would be safe. So please! I'll do anything! I just want my daughter back!" She continued to sob into Subaru's shoulder, stifling them as she gripped harder onto Subaru. "I can't lose her! She's e-everything to me!"
Subaru doesn't know what to do, how to respond. He already has a thousand different thoughts flying at Mach 12 in his head. How is Luna's mom here? Luna's in danger? Petra could be safe? Why does Petelgeuse need to ruin everything he cares for? And how does he even comfort a mother crying for her lost daughter?
He needs to calm Lucia down (he doesn't think about how he doesn't cry anymore, how he's changed, for better or for worse).
He doesn't know how to comfort a grieving mother. How do you help someone who's lost so much? The one thing that they care about most, gone in an instant? A child she raised. All the blood, sweat, and tears. All the memories they shared, the good times, the bad times, just gone. These aren't tears of sadness, but pure and utter despair. This used to be a pain Subaru couldn't empathize with. He never really connected with anyone. He felt alone. Isolated in a world he didn't understand. But now, he understands.
The only thing he could think to do at this moment was to hug her. He doesn't think it will truly mend the psychological wounds that have been tormenting her but he hopes this will comfort her.
"Shhhhhh. It's okay. It's okay. It's been rough, I know."
She holds onto Subaru, sniffling into his shoulder as her body slightly trembles.
Shit. This sucks. This sucks. Subaru's really stuck between a rock and hard place now. He's pretty much got two options. Either stay at the mansion or go with Lucia.
If he stays at the mansion, he'll be able to stay by Petra's side. She'll begin her healing process and begin to become the child she was meant to be. He'll be able to be with her and watch her grow up.
But what if they don't take them in? What if it's just a one-time thing? What if they just throw them back out to fend for themselves?
If he stays, he can't guarantee that she'll be safe. For all he knows, they could be captured again. She could be thrown in a cage next to him, only to watch her slowly grow distant over time, her eyes, the little sparkle they have, slowly fading until there's nothing left. He would have to watch her on the table, the "doctors" slowly opening her up, making Subaru watch as the smell of her rotting innards assault his nose. Her body flailing from the pain of having her ribcage forcibly broken open so that they could gain access to her heart. Watching her like that is Subaru's worst nightmare. Watching as she becomes slowly more and more despondent until she becomes a body with no soul, no drive, nothing. Nothing more than a body to be used.
Not to mention that Luna would still have to suffer for his selfishness. She would still be stuck in The Mountain, and Lucia would still be crying for her. He shudders at the thought.
But, if he goes with Lucia, he's ultimately giving up his freedom. He most likely won't see the light of day again. Subjugated back into the tortures of hell itself. Back to the doctors, the cages, the lights, the starvation. Back to becoming another cog in the machine. A tool to be used and abused to Petelguese's liking. Back to the dark side of his mind, where time slips away like sand and his demons torment his own conscience. This glimmer of light, this hope that everything will be alright, would be gone.
He'll never see Petra again. He'll never teach her to read, a promise Subaru gave, broken (just another sin to add to his list). He won't get to see her face as it lights up when she runs around in the grass. He won't get to see her grow up, watching her mature into the adult Subaru knows she can be. During all her life, he'll just be stuck under Petelgeuse's thumb. He won't be at her side, helping her through the bad times, rejoicing in the good times, and being a pillar to support her. That fact tears him apart the most.
But, he'll be able to secure her safety. She can grow up with people who can help her. Who knows what's best for her. She won't have to run for her life as Subaru did. He can give her the childhood she deserves, the one that he was cheated out of. She can be swaddled with blankets and love and all the things he missed out on. She won't have the threat of Petelgeuse behind her back. She can be truly free.
Luna would also be set free. Subaru can't even imagine what she's had to go through the last two(?) months. Especially that he's been free for the past week or two, Petelgeuse probably went ballistic. She has a life outside of that cavern, for Subaru it's all he's ever known. She has family, friends, a job, and people that truly care for her. She has a mother, bawling her eyes out, begging, pleading with him to get her back.
If he just goes back, everyone would be happy. No one really needs him, right? If he were to just go back, everything would fix itself.
Lucia slowly begins to loosen her grip on Subaru. Her crying lessens and when she faces Subaru again, she has tear stains running down her cheeks.
"Please save her."
Subaru is lost. He knows what he needs to do but he doesn't know if he has the strength to do it.
"Please give me some time to think. It's a lot to take in."
She leaves the room leaving Subaru alone once again. He can't help but stare at his hands.
Oh. He's trembling.
Shivers rack through his body as he curls in upon himself.
He can't help but laugh as he feels truly and utterly alone.
There is both joy and suffering here because this beautiful world is a world of duality - a world of opposites. There is an opposite side to everything.
Subaru couldn't help but feel like he was marching to his death.
He felt the cool winter wind flow through his hair causing him to shiver. He was colder than normal, he left the jacket he stole when he first escaped at the mansion. He hopes that it'll make Petra feel better that he won't be there anymore. He knows that she's probably going to cry (something that makes him feel awfully guilty) but it's for the best.
He's finally done. He's signed the last letter. He puts down the quill, places the parchment into the envelope, and begins to seal it. He writes one more name on the outside of the envelope, "Petra."
He feels reluctant to finish the last letter, he's not ready to end the craziest chapter of his life. These past three months have been nothing but ups and downs for him. From escaping the Witch Cult to comforting Petra when she cried as they sat on the worn floor of the shack, he never thought he would be in a position like this. He's met so many people and made so many memories. It had been so long since he had actually felt drive and motivation, something other than fear, pain, and self-loathing. But now, he's putting an end to this saga, and going back. However, he couldn't just leave it behind without a trace.
That's why he began writing short letters, to each person he would be leaving behind. Luna, Lucia, even people he didn't know very well like Roswaal and Emilia. But he had to write Petra's last, he had to make it right so that when she grows up, she can remember him. Notes to help her celebrate when she's accomplished something, and words of encouragement when she feels lost and alone. And most importantly, a note explaining why he needed to go.
He looks over at Lucia, leading the way on the gravel road. He hears the crunch of the gravel under his shoes as he walks along. The mansion has already disappeared leaving them alone. Nothing but the road and the forest to comfort them now.
Lucia walks with a sort of silent determination. He noticed it at the mansion and he's noticing it now. He can't help but be reminded of Luna. They both share this fire in their spirit that Subaru can't even imagine. Even if he doesn't know them that well, it's just a feeling he has.
"Promise me one thing." Lucia was standing next to the door as Subaru got up from the desk across from his bed.
"Anything. I feel awful for putting you in a position like this. I know you probably won't forgive me. Knowing her, I don't think Luna will forgive me either. I don't even think I can forgive myself. Anything that I can do to help you, I'll do it." Subaru picked up the letters from the desk and placed all but two on the bed. He walked to the door and handed Lucia the letters that belonged to her and Luna.
"Take care of Petra for me." He paused. "Treat her like Luna. Make her feel loved and accepted. Give her the normal childhood that she was taken away from. Take her out into the city and let her experience life. I know she'll be distant for a while, but give it time and you'll see that she's the sweetest kid you could ever ask for. Please."
"Of course." She gives him a look of resignation. It's time.
Lucia looks down at the map she had of the region. She looks around, slows down, and turns to look at Subaru.
"We turn here." She turned right and began to walk into the forest, the crunch of the gravel replaced with the crinkling of the remaining leaves on the forest floor. Her hair blowing in the breeze as the wind grew harsher. By the looks of it, there might be rain soon.
He notices the wildlife growing louder as they walk into the forest, only to suddenly soften. They must be getting close.
Subaru followed Lucia through the barren hallways of the Roswaal mansion. The only noise being their soft footsteps. He peers into a room that has it's door slightly opened. He sees the characteristic reddish-brown hair that he's grown to know.
"Lucia, can I have just a minute?" She looks into the crack between the door and the wall. After seeing Petra's hair, she gives him a nod of affirmation.
He opens the door with a slight creak. He looks down on Petra's sleeping form. She seems to be at ease, like nothing in the world could hurt her. She looks so vulnerable, like an infant, her body curled up into a fetal position as the soft sound of her breath is almost metronomic.
He can't help but reminisce on the past once more. He's not ready to give it up. Like a child not wanting to get out of bed for school or a student procrastinating on a task that needs to get done. He's just not ready to go. He doesn't want to leave. He doesn't want to leave her.
She saved him. Along with Luna, she helped to show him how kind others can be. Being with such awful people for so long, he was becoming more and more despondent to everyone, to everything. But now, he sees the light. While it might not be for him, he knows who it can reach.
Petra can finally grow up. Luna can be herself again. Lucia can have her daughter back. With all these good things, why is he so damn apprehensive? Why can't he just go back without his body screaming at him to stay?
It's because of his sinful character. It's because he's become too much like them. It's because he's not good enough. It's because he's afraid of his real self. It's because he's shameful in every way. It's because no one really likes him. It's because happiness is impossible for him. It's because he's a burden to everyone he meets. It's because he doesn't deserve this. It's because he doesn't deserve the good things in life. It's because he doesn't deserve her. It's because he's him. It's because. It's because, it's because-it'sbecause-itsbecause-itsbecause-itsbecause-itsbecause -because-because-because-BECAUSE-BECAUSE-BECAUSE-BECAUSE-BECAUSE-BECAUSE-
"Subaru, are you alright in there?" Lucia whispers through the crack in the door, trying to be as discreet as possible.
He takes a deep breath.
"Yeah, I'll be out in a second." He walks over to Petra and rustles her hair. She seems to smile back at him. He pauses for a moment and holds her hand.
He whispers to her, "I know I'll be gone, but please don't miss me too much. You're going to have lots of wonderful people near you. So please be happy for me." He knows she can't hear him. He knows his words are empty. But just getting it off his chest makes him feel better.
He lets go and walks out the door. He knows looking back will only make him feel worse.
They get to an open clearing, the wildlife silent. The only noise to be heard is the wind swaying the trees in the distance. He looks over to Lucia. She gives him a slight nod. This is the place.
And now, all he can do is wait.
It's a bittersweet panacea, isn't it? Yet, I'll have it, repeatedly; for it is my only chance at bliss.
I'm ALIVE!
Sorry for taking forever on this chapter. I've been really bogged down with this semester (and even a bit of writer's block) but I'm glad I was able to get something out before the end of the year. Take this as a late Christmas gift from me. :)
I tried to make this one longer than most (for comparison most chapters are ~6.5k words; this one is ~11k) because of the long wait. I hope you enjoyed it!
As much as I hate to say it, I have no clue when I'll be able to post the next chapter. I've started to work on it a tad but we'll see if life decides to allow me to write (but I promise it won't be as long of a wait as this one!).
As for the story itself, while writing, I came to the realization that I TOTALLY fucked up Roswaal's characterization. I was writing quickly and didn't reflect on the characters other than Subaru and Petra enough. I made the difficult decision to keep this characterization instead of completely scrapping it because I felt like I was in too deep (and also I didn't want to delay this more than it already was).
If you guys have any questions about the story itself, feel feel to ask me! I'd love to answer anything that may be confusing (as long as I don't spoil anything). I'll probably put all the answers to the questions in the next chapter but I'll personally DM you if you ask a question since I don't want you to wait for too long. :)
I'm happy at the reception this story has gotten, even without an update. It makes me happy to see that people really enjoy this story and want to see it keep going. It really gives me a boost so thank you. (Also, mini-shoutout to u/suffaru41 on reddit. I really enjoyed her oneshot on ao3 so go check it out!)
I hope everyone is safe and doing well. I hope to talk to you guys soon.
Until then!