Disclaimer: Everything familiar belongs to JE and the creators of Criminal Minds.

Warning: Adult Situations

Chapter 35: August 26th, 1100-1200

Ranger's House

Julie's POV

Aunt Mariela and I were watching "The Princess Diaries" when I fell asleep. I am so exhausted, having not slept more than two hours at a time, but every time I close my eyes, I feel those hands on me, pinching me and squeezing me; chasing sleep away. I feel them inside me; the pain is intense. Then I see them shoot me. That's when I wake up, screaming like a banshee. I'm still crying when I feel his arms around me, Papi's here. I immediately begin to relax, to calm down. Stephanie grabs my hands, running circles on the back of my hand, doing her magic to calm me down. Once my heart rate returns to normal, Papi asks if I want to come downstairs with them. I nod in agreement. I glance at the door for the first time, seeing Uncle Lester and Uncle Hector in the doorway, both with guns drawn.

The guys go down the stairs first, with Stephanie and I ambling together. "Do the nightmares ever go away? Will there ever be a time when I don't feel them touching me and hurting me?"

"Oh Julie, they will go away, in time. I sometimes still wake up from nightmares about my night, but it's not as intense as they once were. I know that I'm dreaming and that they can't hurt me. I usually wake up panicked, sometimes crying, but mostly, I wake up. You will eventually get there. Is Dr. Belliveau helping you?"

"Not really. Since Dr. Serena hit on Papi and got rejected, she's hasn't been as attentive during our visits and I don't think she's listening to me. I guess she doesn't care about me." I say.

"Jules, did you tell your father about her change?"

"No. I don't want Papi to ship Dr. Serena off to a third world country."

"I think you need to tell him so he can find someone better to work with you, someone who will help you heal. Let me tell you, Julie, it is hard to heal from rape, but it is harder without having someone to talk to who can help you through the pain. I'm mean the mental pain, not physical pain. The physical is easy to recover from, but not mental anguish."

"Who helped you, Steph?" I ask.

"No one. Until this week, I never acknowledged what happened to me. I've spent most of my life living in Denial Land. I push the nightmares away. Since becoming a bounty hunter, new nightmares have replaced my old ones, but sometimes, they are back."

We enter what I like to call the 'Command Center," and I see several pairs of eyes scrutinize me. I feel embarrassed.

"Hey Julie, you look like a girl who can use some hot chocolate with marshmallows," Tara says.

Wow! I can't believe that the FBI Agent wants hot chocolate. I love hot chocolate, and I especially like it with marshmallows. Thank God Stephanie is here or Papi wouldn't have hot chocolate OR marshmallows here. "OMG! That sounds so yummy right now. Stephanie, will you make me some? Agent Lewis, do you want a mug?"

"Why thanks for offering. I'll take you up on your offer. I hope you don't mind me crashing your party, Steph."

Steph replies, "No. The more, the merrier. Maybe we can pair it with my best friends, Ben and Jerry."

"Babe, that stuff will kill you."

"Please, I know you'll make me run an extra mile or two tomorrow morning, so don't worry about it," Steph replies, rolling her eyes.

When we enter the kitchen, I get out three mugs. Stephanie gets the milk out, getting ready to heat the milk in the microwave. Tara sees what she's doing and look appalled. "Steph, where are the pots. You have to heat the milk on the stove for it to be best."

Stephanie shrugs her shoulders and fetches a pot for Tara. Tara takes the milk, pouring into the pan before she places on the stove over a medium-high flame. Tara has a wooden spoon, stirring the liquid, so it doesn't burn on the bottom of the pot. While she's heating the milk, Stephanie places generous tablespoons of cocoa mix in each of our mugs. As the liquid starts to boil, Tara pours it over the cocoa in each of our cups. We claim them and stir, before adding the marshmallows and whipped cream. Yummy.

"Julie, how often have the nightmares plagued you?" Tara asks.

"Every time I close my eyes since my release from the hospital. Dr. Serna told me it was normal, but I'm exhausted. I don't think I've slept more than an hour or two at a time since I left the hospital."

"Do you want to share your nightmare with me?"

I think about what she is asking me. She wants me to reveal my fears to her. I like Tara, but she isn't Dr. Serena or Stephanie. Those are two women I trust and whom I want to confide in with my deepest, darkest fears. However, there is something about Agent Lewis that allows me to feel at ease around her. As if sensing my dilemma, she says, "Julie, I'm a psychologist. I can help you if you allow me into your thoughts. I won't push you, but I would like to see you get some sleep. If you don't sleep, the nightmares will only be worse, and I don't want to see a doctor prescribing you any sleep aids."

"The nightmare starts the same. I'm halfway out of the window in my room when a pair of hands grab my legs and pull me back into my room. I see one of the other men enter, with blood on his glove-covered hands. I guess that blood was Joselyn's and RJ's. I see myself trying to fight them off, to get free of them, but I lose. Next, the scene fades to when the men start to touch my body, start to violate me. When I see those images, I feel their hands on my body, as if it is happening in the present. Then, I see Papi walking into my room, and the man inside me shoots him like Scrog shot Papi. That's when I wake up screaming."

I glance at Steph and see tears in her eyes. I also see her pale, as I'm sure she is picturing Papi lying on the floor of her apartment in a puddle of his blood. For a few minutes, I think we both thought that he was dead. I see sympathy, empathy, and understanding in Tara's eyes. It makes me feel calmer, more centered. Finally, I find my voice.

"Tara, how do I make the nightmares stop? How to do I stay asleep. I'm tired, exhausted really. I don't want to stay awake any longer."

"Julie, you are going to need several therapy sessions before you start to feel emotionally secure. What I suggest that you do is to try to think only happy thoughts that have nothing to do with your family right before you go to sleep. Try to fill your head with positive images and thoughts. It may help to keep the nightmares at bay if the events of that night are not at the forefront of your sub-conscience mind. I have a couple of friends in the Miami area. Let me make a few phone calls and perhaps I can find you a better doctor than Dr. Serena. Do you prefer a female or a male?" Tara asks me.

I consider my choice carefully. While having a male will most likely eliminate any need for him to be flirting with and distracted by Papi, a male would be distracted by Stephanie and Aunt Mari. Besides, I'm not sure I can talk about my rape with a man.

"I think I will be more comfortable talking to a woman, but you need to make sure that she knows that my father is off-limits and she is not to flirt with him."

Tara and Stephanie both start to laugh. Their laugh is infectious, and soon I find myself laughing with them. I feel the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders.

"Julie, my mentor lives not far from here. I'll call her. She's about sixty-five years old and happily married to her husband for forty-five years. She will probably take a good look at your father, but she wouldn't make a move on a man who is half her age. Besides, her husband is a very handsome man."

"She's not going to be some stuffy, narrow-minded old lady, right?" I ask.

Stephanie responds, "Women like that only live in Trenton. Miami is too happening a city for those self-absorbed, self-loathing hens to bother with; not to mention it is packed with 'filthy Hispanics and blacks' who are all 'troublemakers and thugs.' I'm sure she's a lovely woman, Jules."

"No, Julie, she is not like that at all. She is one of the experts consulted for that book about men and women named after the planets. She is also a licensed sex therapist, so she is perfectly comfortable talking about rape with you. She won't judge you and will inherently know that you are a good person."

"When can you call her?" I ask.

"Tonight. I don't have Karen's number in my phone, but I have it in my notebook back at the hotel."

"Thanks, Tara. I guess you need to get back to work with your team?"

"Yes, Hun, I do." Tara states.

At that moment, Aunt Mari comes into the kitchen of the Command Center, looking for me. I notice the monitor in her hand and I start to laugh. Stephanie sees where I'm glancing, rolls her eyes, and then chews out Aunt Mari.

"Mariela, your brother asked you to stay with Julie at all times, to be there for her to lean on when Carlos and I are not available to be with her. You weren't there. Instead, you were out having a good time in the pool. If you want to help us, you can't go off without Julie. And, if you do, you need to remember to turn on the monitor. While you were sunbathing, Julie had a nightmare. Fortunately, Carlos and I heard her through our monitor and made it upstairs before she woke up. Mariela, we need your help so we can catch those bastards."

"I'm sorry, Stephanie. I promise I'll stay with Julie from this point forward."

"Thank you, Mariela. I suggest you sneak around the other side of the house. Carlos isn't very pleased with you right now. You are not his number one, two, or three people. Hell, you might have dropped into the twenties. Be strong, Mariela."

"Thanks for the warning, Steph. Come on, querida, let's go back upstairs and finish watching 'The Princess Diaries.'"