To reviewer Mayb: I'd like to explain my thoughts regarding Yuuki's character arc, and human Yuuki vs. pureblood Yuuki. I would assume by a 'human' Yuuki you mean the Yuuki at the beginning of the series with many fears and insecurities, who is less assertive, less dignified, and more physically vulnerable, but also softer, more playful, and more carefree. The 'human' Yuuki becomes the 'pureblood' Yuuki.
The 'pureblood' Yuuki of VK Memories is the product of a pretty brutal series of events. Yuuki has to pick herself up - angst fest and unhealthy not eating/sleeping in front of Kaname's frozen body aside - because she doesn't have any other choice. She's a teenager with an unplanned pregnancy, who also has to clean up after Kaname's mess with both the other purebloods and the Hunters, and now the humans have found out vampires exist because of Kaname's war. She learns how to be competent and act like a pureblood, but her strength is emotionally brittle. Her relationship with Zero still doesn't go anywhere until Yori dies. To me, she reads as pretty broken, or at least deeply scarred by VK's ending.
The pureblood Yuuki is more powerful - has stronger powers - than pretty much anyone else. In a fight, she would win. But hat's not the kind of strength that's my goal for her.
Yuuki definitely starts out in this fic as a more human-like Yuuki who has learned elements of the pureblood Yuuki's skills, because Kaname has kept her overprotected and ignorant in many respects. Her character is gradually shedding more of her fears and insecurities, but that's not a linear process. She backslides, she has moments of weakness when she returns to the old Yuuki who wouldn't fight for herself. She's trying, and she's learning. I don't think that all of human Yuuki's traits are weaknesses, either. She's moving towards a more 'pureblood' type character, but I want this process to happen in a healthier way, because Yuuki makes her own choices, and not because events force her.
Yuuki still needs to work out major things in her relationships with Kaname and Zero. With Kaname, it's asserting herself and his stopping secret keeping. With Zero, the big thing hanging between them is Zero's rejection of her pureblood self. She loves him. She is desperately afraid he will reject the pureblood vampire Yuuki again. That's why she acted very 'human' last chapter when he was drinking her blood. Zero is Yuuki's strength, but also her weakness. For the moment, they're stuck in their old pattern of more-than-friends-but-not-lovers and 'what do I mean to you?'
I've gotten a couple reviews about how the cast seem a bit out of character, and that's okay. I am always happy to discuss character interpretations, but if you could be specific, rather than general, it would be a much more helpful criticism for me if you prefer not to leave me a way to contact you. So instead of 'X is out of character', tell me something like 'X is out of character because of Y, which they wouldn't do because Z.' Also, the cast probably ought to be a little out of character. This is an alternate universe with weird vampire genitals, after all.
XIII. The Place of Revelation
Waiting on the driveway for Yuuki to settle the last minute details of their sudden trip, Zero is an island amidst a sea of baggage, all of the things to be loaded into the car - including himself, he thinks wryly - left in one convenient place. Most of the luggage, the Hunter is embarrassed to admit, belongs to him. Stupid omega wardrobe; before now, Zero had been a strict one-bag traveler.
Yuuki had come to his suite the night before last, to inform his maids they needed to start packing for the journey to Kuran Manor, but she had been very vague about the reasoning behind about her sudden desire to leave. Her explanation was entirely plausible, but Zero can't help but feel that something was off, though he can't put his finger on it.
His Hunter senses jangle a discordant warning; it looks like he's not getting away without seeing that damned Kuran first. Pity. Zero's looking forward to whole days without having to glimpse the pureblood's smug face. He's still reeling from the embarrassment caused by feeding on Kuran; Yuuki said that Zero fell asleep on the stinking pureblood's shoulder. Zero feels disgusted just thinking about it, which isn't helped by Kuran's appearance now, looking his normal arrogant, well-heeled self.
Clustered by the entrance with the other servants, his maids bow to the pureblood, then dart glances between the two of them and giggle as he approaches Zero. Sasaki swats more than a few before they politely turn away, leaving Kuran and himself to their unwanted privacy.
"Good evening, Kiryuu," Kuran says, with a pleased cast to his mouth that means he has something nasty planned for Zero.
"Kuran," Zero returns warily, just short of glaring.
"I've come to see Yuuki off," the pureblood says. "And you too, I suppose."
Zero's glare sharpens a fraction more. "Then you should wait for her here," he suggests, and steps away, intending to wait with the servants. But Kuran catches his wrist, yanking him to a halt.
"We won't be seeing each other for quite a while. I thought we might spend a little quality time together before you go."
"Doing what?" Zero asks suspiciously.
But Kuran doesn't reply, only pulls him by his trapped wrist out of the luggage sea, past the servants, and into a sheltered nook in the entrance hall.
"You took quite a quantity of blood from me; you will return the favor before you go." Kuran orders with his arms crossed, and a sly smile playing on his lips. "And we're in public, remember, so don't misbehave."
Zero's gloved hands tighten into fists. "I can't stop you, but if you think I'm helping you, you're wrong."
"Suit yourself," Kuran says, and pushes Zero against the wall. "Take off your coat."
"You do it, if you want my blood so much," Zero spits.
"Fine," Kuran grinds out with his eyes narrowed.
Zero realizes the flaw in his plan about the same time as Kuran does, when the pureblood's hands hover a moment before settling on his coat's ornamentally knotted cord ties.
As Kuran nimbly unfastens the diamond quilted, misty grey overcoat of Zero's traveling outfit, the pureblood remarks absently, "You look nice today." They both freeze, startled, and Kuran hastily abandons his task, merely pushing the thick material down Zero's arms and away from his throat.
"It was habit. Must keep up appearances," Kuran explains, then grabs Zero's wrists with his hands and roughly pushes them against the stone above the Hunter's head, holding Zero pinioned in his grasp.
"You better not ruin my clothes, I don't have time to change," Zero orders, searching for anything to distract himself from the thought that they're right in the middle of the entryway, where anyone could come see, and Kuran has him pinned against the wall like a cliche movie vampire.
Kuran hums to show that he's heard, and tightens his grip on Zero's wrists as he prepares his bite area; Zero flinches at the first wet stripe of his tongue, and bites down on his lip when Kuran's fangs bury themselves inside his neck, so not a single sound escapes his mouth. It doesn't matter - every vampire nearby can smell his blood, and knows exactly what they're doing - but Zero has his pride.
Kuran presses his full weight on Zero's body, a reflex trapping his prey further against the stone. Normally, an omega should react with anger to an alpha behaving so aggressively, but Zero's weak instincts stay quiet. He might even feel a little relaxed.
"Hurry up," he says, wincing as Kuran takes an even larger mouthful. "Yuuki will be here soon."
"Too late," Zero hears, and from his position with his head turned to the side, he can just see her arms crossed over her chest and the flinty expression on her face. Kuran's in trouble, Zero thinks with glee. To actually get angry with him, Yuuki must be furious.
"Kaname," she demands, bristling in her pink coat, "are we, or are we not trying to get Zero healthy?"
Kuran hastily pulls his fangs out of Zero's neck, quickly enough that Zero unwillingly makes a noise of surprise and pain; Yuuki glares harder as Kaname begins to seal the punctures on Zero's neck and releases his wrists.
"I won't risk Zero's recovery, not even a little," Yuuki tells her husband. "A taste is fine, but I know that you've drank much more than that. No more until Aido-sempai allows it after considering Zero's health. Promise me, Kaname."
Kuran actually looks contrite as he draws away, and refastens Zero's coat with swift fingers like he thinks he can hide the evidence. Yuuki isn't fooled. "Your promise, Onii-sama."
"I promise I will not feed deeply again from Zero without a doctor's permission," he obediently gives. Yuuki scrutinizes her husband to judge his sincerity, but eventually nods and accepts his promise.
Looking past Kuran, Yuuki addresses her words to Zero alone. "I've had the car loaded. It's time for us to leave."
Kuran interjects, "I've brought Kiryuu a present, before you go." The pureblood reaches into his suit jacket and pulls out what looks to be a folded length of white silk. When Kuran shakes it open, Zero can see that it's a scarf - but what is this for?
At Zero and Yuuki's incomprehension, Kuran explains, "The immune tolerance process works most effectively with continuous reinforcement. Since I will not be joining you, Kiryuu will take this item with my scent instead, so his body thinks I'm nearby. Eventually we'll all use something like this."
Zero eyes the silk, then sighs and snatches the scarf from Kuran's hands. Ugh, he's going to need to shower off the smell later, he thinks as he winds it loosely around his throat; the distance doesn't help - he can still smell Kuran.
"I'm taking it off in the car," Zero announces as Kuran escorts them to the idling vehicles.
Kuran ignores him, speaking softly and holding Yuuki by the elbows as he kisses her goodbye.
"You forgot Zero, Kaname-sempai," she reminds the pureblood as he's turning away to go back in the house. Zero whips his head around to stare at Kuran in the same way the pureblood's staring at Zero. "You give him a goodnight kiss every day," she points out, "but we'll be missing you for the next few days, so shouldn't you give Zero a goodbye kiss?"
Reluctantly, Kuran leans down to touch their lips together. After doing this so many times, being kissed by Kuran inspires less outrage than that first kiss - it's nearly boring at this point - but Zero still doesn't like it. Both of them make the same offended face as they separate, though Kuran is more subtle about it.
Yuuki giggles; Zero glares weakly at her. If she was going to punish Kuran, why did Zero have to be punished too?
"I'll see you when you return," Kuran says, and the two of them pile into the car for the long trip ahead.
Kuran Manor is everything Yuuki imagined a vampire's lair would be when she was a small, fearful human child: a brooding, intimidating presence in the landscape looming over the gloomy, thick forest around it. Yet now, as an adult, she can recognize that the house also has a regal air, and carries the weight of its age with dignity. When it was a royal palace, Kuran Manor had been named the White Orchid Residence, and the white stone it's built from makes the name well-given. What kind of person had her Ancestor been, she wonders, to build this heavy gothic manor to live in?
Ghosts walk here. Even after fifty years, Kuran Manor is tainted by the invisible imprint of those terrible events. The house had been closed after its masters' deaths, when her brother went to live with Ichijo Asato. Most of the rooms have lain undisturbed for all the years since, the furniture covered by dust sheets, the curtains and shutters closed, attics packed away and the staff pared down to a skeleton crew of caretakers. Her parent's personal possessions have all been left untouched, like Juuri and Haruka merely left for a moment, and will return any second to take up their old lives.
Yuuki remembers almost nothing of the upstairs floors, so she recognizes the heavy pall cast over the place when she steps inside, but feels only dull pain rather than sharp anguish. She has flashes sometimes, sense memories - the feeling of trailing her fingers over the dark wallpaper, the way her small bare feet sank into the thick carpets, the familiar taste of the honey tea the cook makes her when she can't sleep one night.
She can't fault Kaname for avoiding the manor; his memories of their parents are certain to be far more painful than her sparse recollections. Instead, she feels guilty for bringing his loss to the surface again, which makes her doubt her course of action - was all this secrecy really worth the truth? - but Yuuki persists. It is her right to be here, whatever her purpose. Is she not the daughter of the Kuran family?
Truthfully, her anger at Kaname's lying and dismissiveness had faded long ago. Yuuki had suspected the shadows Kaname hid, and loved him anyway; knowing with certainty does not change that, though she's going to give him a piece of her mind for trying to withhold so much from her. But even though her anger has ebbed, Yuuki has been forced to maintain the distance between them lest Kaname discover her continuing investigations. If she yielded and allowed him to feed from her, what might he learn in her blood?
The only thing she can't forgive him for is what he's done to Zero. That anger has not faded. Kaname risked Zero's life twice - first as his assassin, and then as his scapegoat. Even if it's her brother, he won't get away so easily with threatening Zero's life.
Zero himself is a balm, sensing when Yuuki needs company and a distraction, refusing to leave her alone with her thoughts. He's both her companion and her friend, providing a willing ear and helping hands to sort through all of her parent's things. Yuuki doesn't know what key she's looking for to unlock Kaname's secret, so they have to search everything, under the pretext of discovering more about her parents. It's not wholly a lie. She learns little about Kaname that helps her, but Kuran Manor stores a rich trove of important items and documents that belonged to her parents, between the attics, the basement, and their bedroom and study.
It has been good to come, Yuuki realizes now, if for no other reason than to allow her this time for discovery and closure. Unable to leave her basement, her family had led secret lives above her head, mysterious and and only dimly understood through their stories. Now she's pulling back that curtain to peer behind at the hidden recesses. More than ever, she feels that she understands who they were not just as parents, but as people, what it felt like to live in their world.
She treasures most of all the stories the staff tell her of her parents' lives; she listens to them for hours and whole evenings, imagining Juuri and Haruka vibrant and alive. In her sleep she dreams of them, a small child again in her memories; at night Yuuki walks along their paths, retraces their steps.
In the master bedroom she finds a bottle of cologne smelling of woodsy citrus and ambergris, which she wraps carefully and packs in her luggage; when she buried her face in her father's neck, this was the scent she remembers. The clothes hung in the closet all have a hint of lilac and vanilla; one of the silk dresses spills through her hands like water, as soft against her cheek now as it was when she first fell asleep resting her head against it. The pale blue silk goes in her suitcase too.
It's not just her parents that linger here; there are artifacts of even older owners too. Yuuki stumbles on a portrait gallery of her ancestors, and spends nearly an hour studying them, reproductions of earlier works time rotted away. She'd never even seen pictures of her grandparents before. Sometimes she feels like she's the one intruding in this shrine of memories, like one of the pale ghosts of her ancestors will drift past her in the hallway, solid enough to touch.
She avoids the basement for now; it's enough to know that her father died on the ground she walked over when she first arrived. But she will have to confront those memories before she leaves. Yuuki doesn't want this place to grow into something she's too afraid to face.
The days pass. Yuuki hardly notices. Time does not move forward here, anchored inescapably to the past. She wishes it had been snowing when they arrived, to perfect the illusion, but Yuuki doubts she is strong enough yet for that. But someday, when she is ready, she will look on the white walls and turrets of this house under a blanket of snow.
"Yuuki, were you daydreaming? You've been staring out the window for ten minutes. I'm not sorting through this for myself, you know," Zero says, popping his head out of the antique oak chest he's busied himself with. "At least pretend to admire my discoveries."
Today, the two of them are in the farthest room of the storage attics, high above the forest canopy, searching through the heirlooms kept there.
Yuuki shakes herself, and turns up the corners of her mouth as she attempts a smile for Zero. "Sorry, I was thinking about snow."
Zero is giving her a considering look, silver hair falling across his eyes. "Well, I found something better to think about," he says, obviously trying to distract her. "Look!"
He triumphantly presents Yuuki with a photograph. It's a tiny Kaname, from before she was born, dressed as a proper little master, a miniature adult in knee shorts with a ribbon in his collar. It's adorable. Yuuki presses her hand to her mouth, trying not to laugh.
"I found a bunch of stuff from Kuran's childhood here - old clothes and toys," Zero announces with glee, grinning like a shark. "I can't wait to find all the best blackmail material!"
"Let me see!" Yuuki eagerly asks.
Together they go through the trunks, sitting together on the ground like children, enamoured with the feeling of finding something forbidden. Secretive, impish smiles easily passing between them, all it takes is for one of them to hold up a stuffed wolf or a tiny sailor suit, and Yuuki and Zero are howling with laughter, doubled over with tears leaking out of their eyes. It wouldn't be half so funny if Kuran wasn't such a dignified adult, who took himself very seriously and would rather disappear into a cloud of bats than appear 'cute'.
"It's a little weird that all this stuff is here, don't you think?" Zero remarks offhandedly when they're both lying on the floor, trying to regain breath after discovering a plastic duck bath toy.
She turns her head toward him, pretending at indifference. "What do you mean?"
"Why is all this here, buried all the way in the back of the attics? I mean, we already found Kuran's baby things downstairs. Why put everything from the time he's three all the way up here instead? Wouldn't you want to look at it sometimes? But it's hidden away instead with old paintings and extra furniture," Zero says.
That is rather odd, now that Zero mentions it. According to the servants, her brother had been very mature for his age, reading and writing earlier than usual, with a strong grasp on his powers for a child. Her parents were very proud of him; they should have kept his old outgrown things close by.
The Hunter snaps his fingers. "I got it! Kuran was burying the evidence that he wasn't born an adult. No one must ever know the scary pureblood played with stuffed animals!"
"Yeah, that's probably it," Yuuki replies, contemplative.
They're in such a good mood that evening, playfully teasing and pushing one another as they make their way downstairs to shower away the dust, that when Zero asks what they'll have for dinner, Yuuki tells him, "You'll make dinner."
Zero sputters and complains about her audacity in deciding that he'll cook - but Yuuki can tell that he's charmed by the idea. Zero enjoys cooking, after all, and it's been quite a while since he's made anything; the servants at Rosehill prepare all their meals. Zero argues that the staff will think it's inappropriate for them to make their own dinner, but Yuuki overrides his protests with the fact that she's their mistress, and if she wants to trample on etiquette, send them away for one night, and make her Consort cook them dinner, then she can do as she likes.
They meet back up in their pajamas and slippers, dignity put aside in the name of comfort. Zero makes them salted ramen and omelette rice over the stove with his sleeves rolled up, while she attempts to help and he drives her away with a glare and a dishtowel. Yuuki eats until she feels like she'll explode, sitting side-by-side together on stools at the kitchen table.
There's an undeniable nostalgia between them; they talk about old friends and treasured memories, fight eat other for the last piece of meat. Yuuki feels more at ease than she has in a long time - she feels like herself - stripped of all her masks and the need for pretending. It's this feeling that she wants to give Kaname: the feeling of being understood, precisely as you are.
When dinner is over, they linger over the dishes, reluctant to return to their own rooms and sleep for the day, until Zero suggests they stay up for a while in the sitting room, with the curtains closed and the fire burning out in the hearth.
They sit on the couch together, knees tucked up childishly beneath them as they pore over old photo albums of her parents, happy and alive, the tragedy of their deaths put aside for the night. It's a good thing she sent away the servants, Yuuki thinks, because everything they've done tonight would scandalize their watching eyes. Zero's not even wearing his Hoseki, and Yuuki's sprawled ungracefully on the couch next to him in her most comfortable, threadbare pajamas. Eventually they get sleepy, carefully put aside the albums, and slouch all over the couch, relaxed, yawning and watching the fire flicker.
"Does Kaname feed from you often?" Yuuki asks, her mind wandering to her brother, left out tonight at Rosehill. She misses him.
"Only a couple of times," Zero replies, wrinkling his nose cutely.
With her full belly and the heat of the dying fire sinking in her bones, it's easy for the words to slip out. "I was really jealous when I saw him drinking your blood."
"You're his wife Yuuki, you don't have any reason to be jealous of me. Kuran loves you more than anything," Zero reassures her.
Yuuki shakes her head, straightening up; Zero looks up at her from where he's supported by the couch arm, sensing the serious turn their evening has taken.
"I wasn't jealous of you, Zero," she tells him, fixing him with a heavy, meaningful gaze.
"I was jealous of Kaname-sempai."
Zero's stoic face breaks into incomprehension. "Why would you be jealous of him?" he asks plaintively, like he really can't understand.
"Kaname-sempai got to taste your blood again," she tells him. Why wouldn't she be jealous? She hasn't drank from him since their wedding, and what a wonderful taste it was. And all this time, her brother was feeding from their Consort without restraint! Now she doesn't dare, for Zero's health, but oh, how Yuuki wants to.
"Why would you want my blood when you have Kuran's?" Zero's brow wrinkles with puzzlement as he asks, genuinely confused.
Yuuki stares at the Hunter for a second, all traces of sleepy relaxation gone. Why does any vampire want another's blood? But Zero is a Hunter, she reminds herself, so she answers him seriously.
"I desire Kaname's blood, and I can't imagine living without it, but only drinking from both of you satisfies my cravings to the utmost."
"But why do you need mine too?" Zero questions, still clearly perplexed.
"Isn't it obvious? Because I hold the same strong feelings for both of you, I want to drink your blood."
Zero seems to understand now, nodding, his expression turning satisfied. "That's true. Vampires often feed from their close friends and family members. People they're close to."
The pureblood stares at him, wanting to throw her hands in the air. How can he misunderstand her so badly?
"No, Zero. Vampires do enjoy drinking from friends and family, but that's not why I desire your blood more than anyone but Kaname."
Yuuki reaches out to take Zero's hand; the Hunter looks vaguely uneasy as the sudden intimacy.
"I desire your blood so deeply my soul thirsts, Zero, because I love you - romantically, the way I love my husband. You own half my heart."
"You don't - you don't think about me that way. You never have," the silver-haired Hunter insists, deeply spooked. "Yuuki, you don't have to force yourself to think of me that way now that we're married. You're not obligated to love me. I'm okay with not being loved - I'm a duty you didn't ask for, after all. Being allowed to stay by your side is enough for me."
Yuuki shakes her head sharply. "I understand my feelings now. I love you, Zero. I have since before I left Cross Academy."
Zero's eyes widen, the whites showing at the edges, all his expectations shattered. He shakes his head frantically and pulls his hand out of her grasp, backing away until his back digs into the arm of the couch.
"You're confused, Yuuki. It's just the situation clouding your feelings. You're in love with Kuran, not me. You feel responsible for me, because you're a kind person, and you want to make me happy. That's all. I won't let you ruin your happiness for this."
She studies him, taking the time to consider his objections and organize her thoughts. "I've held back, because I didn't want my feelings to frighten you. But if holding back made you believe I didn't want you, then that was a misstep on my part."
The pureblood prowls forward slowly on her hands and knees, until she's right beside him on the couch, trapping Zero in in the corner.
"There is no part of our marriage that is a duty to me," she tells him, rosewood eyes catching his shocked gaze.
Yuuki leans toward him; her skin thrills, just from being so close. "I am an alpha, Zero, just as much as Kaname." She lets him see the hunger - the undisguised, ravenous want of her pureblood nature. Zero shivers; the predator in her breast licks its lips.
"Every time I see you, every time I catch your scent, every time I think of you, I ache with desire. I love every part of you; it takes all of my strength to restrain myself."
She bends her head to murmur in his ear, "Do you know how it tortures me that Kaname will be the one to take your omega's virginity? I would kill for that prize, and my brother doesn't even care! When he treats you badly, I want to claw him."
Leaning more heavily over him, one hand bracing herself on the couch arm by his head, Yuuki cradles his cheek with the other; shocked lavender eyes watch her bring their faces close. "I love you, in all the ways one human being can love another. You never have to return my feelings, but I won't be satisfied until you accept them as true."
Then Yuuki gives in to her hunger, and crosses the last space between them, cutting off his denial with the long, deep, thorough kind of kiss that lets all of her uncountable feelings and desires speak for her.
Breaking off the kiss when the heat in her belly stirs dangerously, Yuuki tells him, "Goodnight, Zero. I'll see you in the morning. Remember that I love you," and hastily leaves Zero to collect himself before she does anything the Hunter isn't ready for.
Zero is like a mouse smelling a cat the next morning at breakfast, flighty and nervous. They're both wearing their normal roles again, Yuuki in her pureblood's elegant dresses and Zero in his omega's robes and Hoseki. Yuuki takes care to behave exactly as she did the day before, keeping their interaction as normal as possible. Nothing has changed in her; Zero needs to see that the Yuuki who loves him is still the same Yuuki as always. He doesn't have to fear that her confession has turned her into a dangerous stranger.
Gradually, Zero relaxes enough to talk and joke with her as he always does, still eyeing her occasionally when the Hunter thinks she's looking away.
"What are we doing today?" Zero asks when he's finished eating.
Yuuki pauses. Their time at Kuran Manor is coming to an end. Yuuki is running out of places to hunt for her brother's secret; only a few rooms remain that the pair have not searched thoroughly.
The pureblood closes her eyes for a moment, then opens them and turns to Zero. "I thought that we'd explore the basements today."
Zero touches her elbow. "Okay," he says, "If you're ready, then we'll go."
They're beautiful rooms - roomy, well-lit and bright even without windows, done in blue, grey and white. With beautiful art hung on the walls, and outfitted with fine furniture, their quality can hardly be distinguished from the manor upstairs.
There is her bed. Those are her clothes in the closet, her picture books in the bookcases, her toys in the playroom.
These are the rooms from her memories of love and family, where she lived for the first six years of her life, happy and cared for. Her parents tried so hard to surround her with comfort and light and joy, wanting only to keep her safe. She can see it with her eyes - they loved her so much.
The sob she can feel choking her throat finally breaks free when she finds the room with faint bloodstains soaked into the wood floor. If she strains, Yuuki imagines she can still catch a faint, familiar scent with a tang of iron.
Zero rushes to her side as soon as he hears her crying, but she shakes her head and waves him away; Yuuki wants to be alone with her grief.
On her knees by the floor stained with her mother's blood, ugly cries shaking her whole body with anguish, Yuuki howls out her pain and her guilt, never truly given voice before now.
Mother, Father, how was my life worth both of yours? Why did I deserve to live when you died? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
She comes back to herself some time later, curled on her side, just shy of touching the rusty mark on the ground. Her chest rises and falls, inhale and exhale, her mind emptied of emotion by the violence of her outpoured grief.
She touches her chest lightly, just above her heart. Some wound inside of her has been purged of infection, and washed clean by her tears; it will scar, but now it can heal.
She breathes more easily. Her body feels lighter. So she gets up on her knees again - she's tired, but that's not enough to stop her - and reaches out to rest her shaky hand on the the place of her mother's death. She's out of tears, or she would cry again. But she bends her head and summons the memory of her love for them, the tribute only their daughter can offer, and bows to kiss the ground.
Thank you, Mother. Thank you, Father. I'm glad for the world I saw as a human. I miss you, but I have things to care for here, too. So I hope you don't mind if we don't see each other for a while.
"Zero?" she calls out softly. Her voice cracks, sounding more like a frog's croak after all that crying, and her nose is stuffed; she sniffles a few times trying to clear it.
There's a noise from the far wall; Zero stands up, and comes up behind her. Yuuki looks over her shoulder at him, and gives a slight, tremulous smile. Zero smiles gently in return, and offers Yuuki his hand, helping her stand on unsteady legs.
"There's a hidden door to an escape tunnel somewhere in here," Yuuki says, voice still rough. "Can you help me find it? I want to go for a walk,"
Zero's clever fingers find the latch, and the two of them walk until they come out the other side, in a green clearing where the cicadas sing under the moon. Yuuki feels freed.
Rather than return through the tunnel, Yuuki and Zero walk back to Kuran Manor through the forest. Without Zero's navigation skills as a to Hunter guide them, Yuuki would have been hopelessly lost.
When she returns to her basement, this time to search in earnest, the rooms are just rooms now. The ghosts have been put to rest, sleeping peacefully in her heart.
Now Yuuki can tell Zero about her Okaa-san and Otou-san - how beautiful and lively Juuri was, how calm and gentle Haruka was. How she liked to have Kaname read to her, and how she brushed her mother's hair while her father gently smoothed a brush through her own. She shows him her collection of dolls and stuffed animals, and throws a pink cat at his head when he raises an eyebrow at the dark brown bear hand-sewn to look like Kaname.
When the hour grows late, Zero leads her out the hidden door, through the basements - and Yuuki stops, halfway to the staircase.
"What is it?" Zero asks, craning his head back.
The pureblood points towards a hallway. "What's down that way?"
"The servants said the wine cellar and a few more rooms are down there."
"Can we go look?"
Zero thinks for a moment, and then nods. "We have time before dinner."
Yuuki asked mostly on a whim; she's not quite ready to ascend back to normality yet. They wander together through a few hallways and storage rooms, before entering a wider passage more grandly decorated with intricate stonework; the Kuran crest repeats over and over in the carved patterns. Shooting each other curious glances, Yuuki and Zero follow the corridor until it ends at a pair of heavy double doors, marked in the center with another Kuran crest.
"I think I know where we are," says Zero, "This is the Rose Sepulchre, the resting place of the members of the Kuran family who chose to Sleep. I've been hoping we'd find it; I'd like to see Kuran Nagisa's tomb - Consort Aileya's spouse who went to Sleep after she died. Do you mind if we go inside?"
There's a faint, familiar smell in the air here. A blood scent that Yuuki knows as well as her own. Why does the crypt behind this door smell like Kaname?
"Yes, let's see," replies Yuuki, and pushes the doors open for Zero. They're made to be so heavy only a pureblood has the strength to open them, and if any pureblood without the blood of the Kuran family tried to enter, the mesh of spells protecting the whole crypt would attack mercilessly, causing great injury. Yuuki has to carry Zero over the threshold, grumpy and blushing, when the defensive wards, like an invisible wall, prevent him from taking one step further past the door. The purebloods Sleeping here are completely vulnerable, so Yuuki can understand why her ancestors created so many defenses.
The Rose Sepulchre is built from the same white stone as Kuran Manor's facade, and has all the beauty and grandeur Yuuki has come to expect from her family's homes. Filled with stone sculptures and scenes of everyday life, this is not a monument to the dead, but a place of rest and recovery for the living. Leading off the main room are the individual chambers, cut from the bedrock underneath the house just in case they ever became needed.
Zero finds not just Kuran Nagisa's sarcophagus, but two more tombs nearby belonging to the Third King and Third Queen, covered in the strongest wards Zero has ever seen. All three of them are empty.
"Where did they go?" Yuuki wonders, immersed in the puzzle of the missing purebloods. "Kuran Nagisa is supposed to be here, but I've never heard that the Third King and Queen planned to Sleep. Supposedly they passed over their power to the Council and the Senate, and committed suicide together because they were weary of living. Was this an earlier plan they rejected?"
While Yuuki frowns at the tombs of her grandparents, the Hunter paces around the stone sarcophagi, examining the inscriptions. "Why would they need such strong wards?" he wonders, "Did they expect to be attacked?"
At this, Yuuki startles. "Kuran Rido. He was their son too, wasn't he? Rido killed his siblings - my parents. What if he killed his parents too? What if they meant to Sleep with their brother, but Rido murdered them first?"
Zero touches his chin, considering her proposal. "What about Kuran Nagisa?"
"Maybe Rido murdered him too?" Yuuki suggests, but something about the scenario doesn't quite fit. And the smell of her brother's blood is still tickling her senses.
"I'm going to go look around a little more," she tells a distracted Zero, occupied with studying the structure of the wards.
The deeper she goes into the crypt, her footsteps echoing off bare stone as the eyes of the statues stare back at her, the stronger the scent grows, and the plainer and rougher the crypt becomes.
The scent of Kaname's blood intensifies in front of another door, identical to the one at the Sepulchure's entrance bearing the Kuran crest. The air here is musty, dry and smells of age. She pushes with all her strength, and the doors swing open with the rusty shriek of hinges unoiled for hundreds of years.
Someone has been here recently; there's rust flaked from the hinges on the floor, and footprints in the dust. But Yuuki gasps when she sees the plain stone coffin in the center of the bare room, the only object here.
She has seen this coffin before, in Kaname's memories. A coffin with a terrifying monster inside.
Moving closer to the sarcophagus, Yuuki can see a faint, worn carving on the wall; she can't quite make it out, but she traces the shape of the lines with her hand, and underneath the dust she finds a raven collared with a crown around its neck. She uses her palm to wipe away more dust; the faded red paint in its eye shines brighter.
"I recognize this place."
Yuuki shrieks and whirls around - but it's just Zero. She sags with relief.
"I've seen it before, in Kuran's memories."
"So have I," Yuuki says, coming to join him by the coffin.
"I wonder why he would think of this when we drank from him?"
"I don't know," she tells him honestly. "There's no inscription here that tells us the name of the person inside. And it's not as though there are many Kurans to chose from. We're not a large family."
"It's been opened recently," Zero says, "Look at the scrapes on the lid; they match the ones on the floor. And the dust has been disturbed, so it's not from when whoever this is went to sleep."
"It smells like blood in here," she offers, and Zero draws the air deep his lungs.
Then he sneezes sharply, so hard his Hoseki flies askew. "It does, doesn't it? But let's head upstairs for dinner. I'd like to be able to breathe again."
Once they leave behind the subterranean world hiding the Manor's greatest secrets, the banality of their surroundings reassures Yuuki enough to ask Zero the question she's wanted to ask him since her conversation with Aido.
"Zero," she starts; the Hunter looks over his shoulder curiously; Yuuki grabs her courage and presses on. "Has Kaname ever said or done anything strange?"
Zero gives her a look, and Yuuki laughs. "Okay, my brother does a lot of strange things, but I mean like - especially strange."
The Hunter considers her question seriously for a few steps. "Mmm, the strangest thing Kuran has ever said to me was after he released your pureblood side. He looked up at me and told me 'If I had been born her real brother, I would have been much happier.' I think he was high off tasting your blood, honestly."
Yuuki stops dead in the hallway and tries to fake a laugh, "That is a strange thing to say."
The genealogy books they search after dinner are useless; they can't solve the mystery of the lone occupant of the Rose Sepulchre. There are too many 'disappeared to commit suicide' tales to discern which of her ancestors changed their mind and now sleeps beneath their feet. Eventually, Zero goes to bed, leaving Yuuki to doggedly read on as her vision blurs and her eyelids flutter. The hard-edged books are an uncomfortable bed, but sometime past one in the afternoon she loses the struggle against sleep. And Yuuki dreams.
She's deep in the crypt again, in the room with the unmarked stone coffin. The raven on the wall draws her like a magnet; hypnotized, she puts her feet down, step by step, until she stands before the drawing. In the dream, her footsteps make no sound.
The red eye, now more like a raw ruby then faded red paint, glints in the light as through the bird is watching her. The raven is alive, she realizes, as it cocks its head to the side, studying her as she looks back at it. Then the lines peel away from the stone, and the skeletal drawing of the raven, empty outline filled with nothing but air, lands on the crypt floor.
The coffin is not unmarked, she realizes, as the bird hops onto the lid with a flap of its gaunt wings. The inscription of its owner was there all along, right in front of them.
Who are you? She asks the raven. The raven's beak opens -
- and she is standing on a plain. A living, feathered raven with eyes like dried blood caws at her feet. In the distance a vortex of ravens circles around a single figure, too distant to make out, except for his dark red-brown hair. If she goes to that person, she will know who they are. She takes a single step forward -
- and another enormous raven, identical to the first, fixes ruby eyes on her and mantles its wings, harshly cawing. A pale hand strokes its black feathers, soothing the agitated bird.
Dark coat flapping in the wind, Kaname caresses the raven perched on his arm, eyes the same deep vermillion as his familiar, and smiles at her.
Yuuki bolts upright, breath short and whistling in her throat, Half-expecting to see a raven perched nearby, she clutches the fabric of her nightgown above her heart; it beats furiously, like it's trying to beat right out of her chest. The pureblood holds her head in her hands, trying to find the boundary been dreams and reality. Everything had felt so real.
'If I had been born her real brother, I would have been much happier.'
She sucks in a ragged breath, painful with her dry throat. There's something hovering just beyond her fingertips, linking the events of her dream together. What is it?
Kaname. The ravens. The Ancestor. The coffin.
Yuuki shakes her head, pressing her hands over her eyes. What connection is she missing?
Aido's suspicions about her genius, prodigy brother's inconsistent behavior. The strange circumstances of Kuran Rido's death. Zero's role. Kuran Nagisa's missing body. Kuran Rido's presence in the crypt. The smell of Kaname's blood in the crypt. The recently opened, occupied coffin, identical to the memory from Kaname's blood. The raven with a crown carved on the wall. Kaname's raven familiar. The hidden things from her brother's childhood, stored separately from his baby things. Kaname was unusually mature as a child, the servants say.
'If I had been born her real brother, I would have been much happier.'
How did the Ancestor of the Hunters know that Kaname had secrets? She exists in the blood of her descendents, Zero told her, and sees through their eyes. The Ancestress should know only what the Hunters know. Perhaps she had watched Kaname through Zero's eyes. It didn't fit; the Ancestress had sounded like she knew Kaname's habits well, and spoken of him fondly. Perhaps it was nothing - but then there was Kaname's reaction to the sight of her. He never showed unintended emotion in public, but he hadn't been able to cover his strong reaction to the sight of the Ancestress. There had been turmoil in him, his normal composure broken even before the Ancestress spoke to them. Kaname had recognized her.
Three ravens. One in the tomb. One in the Ancestress' memories. One perched on her brother's fist.
Three memories, strung like pearls on a cord.
A trinity. Three. One in three parts. Three. One.
'If I had been born her real brother, I would have been much happier.'
Yuuki tests the words in her mouth. They fall like stones in the silent air, casting ripples.
"Kaname is not my brother."
The phone dials, beeps as the connection goes to voicemail.
"Hi Kaname-sempai, it's Yuuki. I know I've been distant lately, and I'm sorry for that. But I really miss you. Can you come out to Kuran Manor and stay for a day or two? It's the weekend, and you don't have to work tomorrow. I thought that we could spend the evening together, just the two of us. Let me know if you can. Goodbye."
Click.
Ablaze with light, Kuran Manor glows like a bright beacon in the dark forest; it's Yuuki who gives it light and life, just as her mother and father did before her. Kaname adjusts his cravat one last time before stepping into the luminous aura of the lamps; as his wife requested, he's wearing his best formalwear for their dinner. Unfortunately, he hadn't been able to come any sooner, but Yuuki had sounded pleased over the phone and told him that it was perfect timing.
With the servants bowing behind her, Yuuki is waiting by the door to welcome him, all the charms of her youthful maturity and beauty on display. Like a field in spring, sprays of pink blossoms cascade down the single shoulder of her white dress, twine around her bodice, then spill across her skirt. Her long auburn hair ripples unbound down her back, held by a gold hairband shaped like woven boughs of flowers, matching the gold blossoms and vines circling her throat.
Yuuki holds out her hands to him, smiling brightly, and Kaname takes them, pulling her in close for a kiss.
"You look divine, my dear," he compliments her honestly, drawing away to admire her efforts more thoroughly. "But I wonder what I have done to earn this?"
Her rouged lips break into a teasing smile. "Perhaps I just felt like it. Let's have dinner now. If you like, we can talk later."
Following her into the formal dining room, Kaname can't resist asking, "Plum blossoms? The sakura is more suitable for May, I think."
Yuuki looks back sharply and admonishes him, "I like plum better. The plum braves winter to flower early, and few appreciate its beauty; the sakura waits for spring, and is loved by everyone. We both know why I won't wear a dress with sakura blossoms. Please refrain from ruining our evening, Kaname-sempai."
Wisely choosing to let the subject drop, Kaname tries a different tack. "Where is our Consort this evening? I don't sense him nearby."
"I had Takuma-sempai pick him up for a sleepover. He'll be safe there, and Shouto-san didn't mind. I thought we could use a night to ourselves," she tells him, gesturing for a servant to uncork the wine and pour.
"How have you liked staying at the manor?" Kaname asks once the first course is served, a seasonal selection of light sashimi.
Yuuki considers her answer for a moment; a lock of dark hair tumbles over her shoulder. With an elegant flick of her hand, she brushes it back again.
"I can't say that it's always been easy, but I've come to enjoy being here. I've learned many things," his wife replies, meeting his eyes as she closes her red lips around a choice morsel.
"I wouldn't like to stay all the time - Rosehill is my home now - but I wouldn't mind using it as a retreat now and then," she continues.
Kaname's hand tightens around his fork. Kuran Manor is a tomb to him, a reminder of his powerlessness and failure. He came only for Yuuki; he will stay only for Yuuki.
"If that's what you want," he says tonelessly.
But she catches him, her bright eyes marking something in his face. "Don't hold things back, Kaname-sempai. If the idea of being here makes you uncomfortable, say so. I don't think that it makes you weak, to say what you really feel. So tell me the feelings you have spilling over in your heart."
He's close to snapping his silverware in two, ill at ease underneath her gaze - he knows full well that he can't admit his feelings without exposing himself - when Yuuki finally looks back down at her meal.
"How have things been at Rosehill while I've been gone?" she asks him, allowing the conversation to move back on more comfortable ground.
Kaname takes the opportunity to fill the air with more convenient topics as they work through the next courses: simmered vegetables and tofu served with rice, miso soup, chilled, lightly cooked vegetables and a flame-grilled fish.
"Did Okaa-sama and Otou-sama ever do this?" Yuuki asks, gesturing between them with her spoon as they eat the dark chocolate cake prepared for dessert.
Kaname pauses. "This?"
"Spend time together!" Yuuki laughs, shaking her head at him.
"Is that what this is?" Kaname asks mildly. "Well, Juuri and Haruka often did romantic things together. They were very affectionate, even in public. It could be a little ridiculous sometimes. I remember that they liked to go for walks in the rain and share an umbrella." He goes a little distant at the memory of his descendants, taken unfairly before their time through his negligence.
Yuuki's voice breaks through his thoughts. "Mmmm. Onii-sama, why do you call our parents Juuri and Haruka?"
Kaname freezes, ever so slightly, and sweeps his gaze up to evenly meet her rosewood eyes.
"A habit I picked up when I lived with Ichijo Asato. Calling our parents by their names helped me to put some distance between my emotions and my loss." The pureblood picks up his glass and takes a careful sip.
"Ah, I see," his wife accepts.
"Did you know that we found your old toys? There are many interesting things in the manor," she says, mirroring him, glass in hand. "Zero wanted us to see Kuran Nagisa sleeping in the Rose Sepulchure."
Kaname barely remembers to smile. "I wouldn't suggest it; the crypt is old and dusty. Certainly its occupants don't wish to be disturbed."
"Like you didn't want to be disturbed, Ancestor of the Kuran Family?"
Every glass object in the room shatters in a spasm of uncontrolled power; Kaname stares at his wife in shocked horror. How did she know? Who told her?
Yuuki watches him over the jagged rim of her broken glass; wine drips down her hand like blood. Neither of them were touched by a single sliver of glass; Yuuki's skill with her powers has grown.
The candles flicker in the breeze let in by the shattered windows. Yuuki puts the remains of her glass down, wipes her hand with the napkin from her lap, and returns his gaze evenly.
"So I was right then; I still wasn't sure if you were Kuran Nagisa or the Ancestor. There's only one person sleeping downstairs, but the body in your tomb isn't you. You moved Kuran Nagisa's body into your coffin to hide your Awakening."
Kaname's jaw tightens; it's too late to play this as a joke or a misunderstanding. Yuuki knows - or has guessed - too much to hide now.
How had this happened? This day was always meant to come, but only when Kaname willed it. How had he lost control so quickly?"
His throat tightens, and his meal sits heavily in his churning stomach. An ocean of fear surges in his chest, threatening to drag him down, where the weight of black despair and loneliness will drown him. If she rejects him, he will have nothing left. The madness nips at the corners of his mind, tickling his brain with its spindly claws, old bloody plans rising afresh.
At the same time, as the old mantra rises - we'll be alone she's going to leave us she's leaving us alone - the Ancestor of the Kurans feels a trace of relief. He can throw away that mask called 'brother' now, one less part to play. This may destroy him, but at least his worry and fear of this day can finally end. The worst has already happened, after all.
Kaname raises his head and straightens his shoulders. "Yes. Kuran Yuuki, daughter of Juuri, you are correct - I am not your brother. I am the last and greatest of the Ancestors, the only one left who remembers those days. I am the first of your line, the Deathless King. I am the Ancestor of the Kuran."
Finally, the words he's wanted to tell her for so long. She's looking at him now, for the first time. The real him, stripped of lies and pretense. There's pride and power in finally naming himself, beside the resigned acceptance of her sure rejection. How can she not? She does not yet know the greatest of his sins against her.
The wind makes the candles flicker as his wife accepts his revelation, her eyes wide, and a touch of something like awe in her eyes. Finally she speaks. "I still don't understand everything - how this happened," she gestures at Kaname's body, "I know Rido probably caused it, and that Sleeping purebloods are vulnerable to malicious spells when Woken. But I don't understand how you came to take my brother's place. Will you tell me?"
Kaname tries to buy time. "The servants will come soon, to investigate the noise."
"No, they won't," Yuuki tells him tersely. "I gave orders that if they heard a disturbance, they were not to interrupt us unless called. We will have our privacy."
Her hands grip one another tightly. "Kaname, if you don't want to tell me everything now, that's fine. But you will have to tell me eventually. I won't let lies and half-truths stand between us anymore."
"Just - please." Yuuki's voice breaks, and her body strains toward him across the table. "The nearest I can reason is that you're possessing my brother's body, like Hio Shizuka with Kurenai Maria, and Rido with Shiki-sempai. I just need to know if he's still in there. Please, if nothing else, just tell me one thing. Is my brother in pain?" Yuuki's eyes are dark with desperation.
Kaname closes his eyes, chest weighed by despair.
"Kuran Kaname, the son of Haruka and Juuri, is not in pain. I am not possessing your brother, Yuuki. He died the night Rido awakened me from my slumber."
"Oh." Yuuki says in a small voice, choking back tears. "I don't know what I hoped to hear. I'm glad he's not hurting or in pain anymore. I don't know what I would have done if you told me he was still here, inside you. But I think part of me already knew he was gone. You're many things, but you're not the kind of person who would imprison someone in their own body. Then, is your name really Kaname?"
"Yes. By a terrible coincidence, Juuri and Haruka named their child after me. It was what gave Rido the idea to Wake me in the first place."
Now that Kaname's started to speak, he finds that he can't bring himself to stop, the whole story spilling out like a confession written in blood. Yuuki will inevitably leave him when she knows, but he can't stand the idea of drawing out this terrible fear any longer. Better to fall now and let the despair take him, than be tortured by hope.
Kaname rises to his feet, and Yuuki copies him, coming around the table to join him as he sags against the mantelpiece, watching the fire flicker. He keeps his back turned; Kaname cannot bear to watch her expression change when he reveals what he's done.
"I lied to you earlier; I made it sound as though his death had nothing to do with me. But your brother was alive when he left his uncle's hands. Rido drew his blood to lure me Awake, but it was I who quashed his struggles and drained him dry. I could not stop myself - I burned with the unquenched thirst of thousands and thousands of years. I did not even realize it was a child I held until I looked up into his dying eyes as he turned to ash. I murdered your infant brother, Yuuki, with these very hands. And then I dared to touch you with them."
He stares down at his palms, and then runs a hand through his hair, exhaling heavily. "Rido intended to gain my power by offering your brother to me as a sacrifice, then binding me as his servant. Once he became my Master, he wished to drink my blood and take my power. But he did not fully understand the binding of Master and Servant; I attacked him too, after killing your brother, draining Rido and wounding him so deeply it took him over a decade to recover. But even feeding from both of them was not enough to restore me; I needed more blood. Rido was protected as my Master, but without enough blood to sate my hunger, I would have gone into a frenzy and likely killed Juuri and Haruka too."
"So instead, I chose to take a form that I could support without harming anyone else. Consuming your brother's life gave me enough strength to change myself into a being of similar size, so I turned my body into a child of the same age. Such a form could not withstand my memories or my power yet, and I suppressed them until my body was capable of surviving it. That's how I came to take your brother's place. I expected Juuri and Haruka to kill me - I had just murdered their son, after all. How could they not hate me for it? But instead they cared for me like I was their own child, without pretending I really was their son. They told no one of what Rido had done, or of my terrible act. They even allowed me to touch you, their second child, after my stained hands snuffed out the life of their eldest."
Even now, their actions were nearly incomprehensible to Kaname. But he was grateful to them, for giving Yuuki into his care, and for loving him as their own son.
"I failed their kindness - I let them die at Rido's hands. I should have taken care of him sooner. Their deaths were my fault. And I never dared to tell you. I let you believe that I was your brother all this time, when I was really the one who killed him, and who allowed your parents' deaths."
The pureblood lowers his head. He's finished; now his wife knows everything. He waits for the judgement he deserves.
Kaname's tense shoulders jerk with surprise when he feels the touch of a delicate hand.
"Kaname," she says, her voice soft, "you never meant to drain my brother to death, did you? Or for any of that to happen?"
He jerks his chin in a denial.
"Then what happened was not your fault - it was Rido's. Our hunger can't be denied; I can't even imagine what it must feel like to starve yourself like that, for thousands of years. You didn't intend to kill my brother, and you saved my parents' lives when you realized what was happening. You were a child; you shouldn't have needed to save them. And after they died you protected me, and you made sure that Rido was stopped."
He ventures a question, disbelieving. "It doesn't bother you that I ate a child, like an animal, to save my own life?"
Yuuki's hand on his shoulder tightens. "The Kaname who was the child of Kuran Juuri and Haruka is someone I never knew. It may be wrong of me, but he's more like a dream or an idea to me then a real person. I do wish that I had a chance to know him, but the Kaname in front of me is more important than any dream."
Yuuki pushes at Kaname's shoulder until he turns to face her; she takes his jaw in her hand and forces him to meet her gaze.
"You may not be my brother, but you are my Kaname. And the Kaname I know is real. You lied to me about a lot of things, but I don't think you lied to me about your nature, or about your feelings for me."
"No, never," he denies, horrified at the thought.
She smiles gently, and her eyes are fond; their blood bond unfurls like a flower, finally open again, showing Kaname her sincerity. "You are my husband, and I love you. I will not stop loving you, even if the 'you' changes. The only 'Kaname' for me is you."
Bathed in the love flowing across the bond, how can he doubt her?
Then Yuuki's eyes sharpen. "That said, I'm angry and disappointed that you didn't tell me the truth for fifty years. It will take time before I can completely trust you again. But I'm mostly sad that you had to carry this pain alone all this time. I'm sorry I condemned you to not being understood for so long."
"It was my fault, Yuuki," Kaname insists. He can't allow her to believe she's done anything wrong. "You've done nothing but offer me your love. You have nothing to apologize for."
Kaname doesn't think Yuuki believes him yet, but she looks thoughtful.
"I have so many questions to ask you," she tells him.
"Then ask my blood," he says, going to remove his cravat and unbutton his collar. Yuuki's hand stops him.
"No, not like that - at least, not yet. First I want to hear your memories in your own words. The world you see is different from the one I see. If you show me your memories through your blood, my eyes will see the same things, but I still won't see that world. So instead, explain to me the world through your eyes. Help me understand. Please."
"As you wish," he tells her, and lets his hands fall away from his collar. "I suppose now we must consider our arrangement," Kaname says, loathing the very idea. "If you prefer Rosehill, I will make the Manor my primary residence." He would hate it, but Kiryuu's words come back to him about asking Yuuki to sacrifice too much.
"I don't understand, Kaname," Yuuki says, her brows drawing together.
"You may still love me, but you will undoubtedly prefer not to share a roof with me, right now. The sight of me cannot be pleasant."
"Oh Kaname," Yuuki says, shaking her head, "You don't have to be so afraid I'll leave you. "
"A fear is not so easily conquered," Kaname replies, finally achieving a modicum of his normal composure. But the pressure in his chest uncoils a little.
"Then where do we go from here?" he dares to ask, honestly uncertain. Yuuki has defied all his expectations for how this conversation would go. He expected to find himself deservedly alone; Yuuki has stubbornly chosen to stay by his side.
"We can't go on like we did before; I won't accept being shielded and kept in the dark this time. I'm serious, Kaname, you can't hide important things from me anymore. I'm not a child any longer, and you can't treat me like one. "
His wife pauses in thought. "Maybe we should reevaluate our relationship. Take a step back in our intimacy. Not start over; we're married, and we love each other, and I won't change that. But I need time to get to know you - your true self. Little by little, I want us to understand each other. To trust each other. For real this time. "
"I can accept that, as long as you promise me one thing."
"What?" she asks, curious about what could be so important.
"Call me by my name. No Onii-sama, no Kaname-sama, no Kaname-sempai. If it's you, I want to hear you speak only my name."
"Alright. I promise, Kaname." They both exchange small smiles, and the bond between them echos hope.
"Have you already told Kiryuu?" Kaname asks, belatedly remembering that there is technically one more member of their marriage now.
"No. That's your right - and your punishment," Yuuki grins at him. Perhaps she was angrier than he thought; the idea of allowing Kiryuu to know his identity burns, but he nods and submits to her terms with poor grace.
She tugs on his arm, pulling him toward the door. "Sleep here today. You can take Zero's room, and tomorrow we'll go back to Rosehill together."
Yuuki stands on her balcony in the early morning sunlight, resting her forearms on the railing. The sunlight prickles her skin, and she's emotionally exhausted, but she feels too good right now to go back inside and shut herself in the dark.
Behind her, Kaname is asleep in the house, as are most of the servants; she owes the ones who cleaned up the broken glass and taped over the dining room windows an apology tonight. And she will need to pack before they leave for home. But all that seems very far away right now, with the way the bright beams illuminate the green of the forest and warm her face.
Things are not settled between her and Kaname, not by a long shot.
Realizing what a fundamental lie their relationship was based on had given her a sense of profound hurt and betrayal, at first. Did Kaname ever trust her? Was she just too weak to know? Would he have ever revealed it if she had not forced him? Those feelings of guilt, inadequacy, failure, and anger could have overwhelmed her - except -
But she loved him too well for that uncertainty, anger and horror to last long. Yuuki knows her husband. He is not always a good man, but neither is he heartless. After decades together, Yuuki knows some of Kaname's fears. It was too easy too see that he kept his secret not because he thought her unworthy or distrusted her, but because he feared her reaction. They were more alike than she realized; had Yuuki not also hidden parts of herself she thought would disappoint him? With that realization, Kaname didn't seem quite so far away from her any longer, so high out of her reach.
A secret is a terrible weight for its keeper, not just the person it's being hidden from, Yuuki came to realize after her own month spent keeping secrets. What she wants now is healing, for both of them. Kaname has been punished enough by the burden he chose.
But part of her is still angry. Yuuki has not forgiven the way Kaname hurt her yet, but someday, inevitably, she will forgive him. She knew that Kaname's secret was not enough to drive her away, or stop her loving him, as soon as she realized it. Yuuki loves Kaname, and that truth has not changed. She believes that as long as they both desire to move forward, someday they will move past this, and be better for it.
He'll have to earn her trust again, but for the first time since Yuuki went searching for the truth, she can see a way forward through this tangled forest, and out the other side.
These feelings of hope and accomplishment swirl in her chest, warm as blood and sweet as honey. A whim strikes her; why not? She will try, one more time.
Yuuki holds out her hand, cups a handful of golden sunlight inside. Breathes in the scent of the morning dew, the freshness of a newborn day.
Out of one, many. Out of many, one. Singularity is an illusion; all things are one, she reminds herself.
Just a tiny pinch of power; let it spill over, like a bead of water from a cup.
And she feels the sun on her face - and she also feels the cage of fingers closed around her body, shielding her in darkness; two points of light, a tug passing between them, as though she's in two places at once, a ticklish doubled feeling of cool/hot.
Yuuki holds her hand up, opening her closed fist just wide enough to see a flutter of movement inside, without letting the creature escape.
As the new day dawns, her smile is as radiant as the sun.
My version of how Rido woke Kaname goes differently than it does in canon. In case you were wondering, in this universe Rido arranged to have the Kiryuu couple kill Shizuka's human lover, but Kaname was not the one who released her.
Did you think the memories the Ancestor of the Hunters showed didn't mean anything? I bet you forgot all about her. For a refresher, she appears in chapter eight. I'm a lazy author; I never write anything that isn't necessary. Or fun. One of the two.
Kaname was making a dig at Zero with the flower joke; sakura blossoms are traumatic for him, for obvious Shizuka related reasons. Plum blossoms bloom in January/February and have many similar customs attached to them as Sakura blossoms do, while Sakura season ends in May, thus the 'sakura would be more appropriate' line.
Next chapter we're back to our usual tricks at Rosehill, and there will be more Zero hopefully. Thanks for reading!