Hello everyone! I'm sorry for the late update. I'd committed to producing some content for another small fandom who is having a week-long event this week, and it's put me rather behind schedule on my word count. It won't be a regular thing, and I'll be back to business as usual next week, but I decided that you guys deserved to get something this week too.
A big thank you to all of my reviewers who suggested date ideas. Feel free to keep sending them if you have them; if I couldn't use your idea in one chapter there's always the possibility it could show up in the future. Also thanks to ben4kevin for giving me an idea I used in this chapter.
After considering some of the feedback on the previous chapter, I have gone back and revised the part with Zero's freak out. It was deliberately meant to be OOC for him, but I don't think that I did a good job of explaining why it happened in-story and I think I may have pushed it too far. I got to punch Kaname in the face and got a bit too over-excited, I guess! Thanks to those who pointed that out in their reviews. The revision has no plot significance, but I would appreciate if the couple of people who mentioned it would tell me if the new version is any better. Writing is always a learning process.
XV. Through the Looking-Glass
It is a peculiar sensation, to know that the person you love most believes without question that you would take cruel revenge on a helpless infant.
Yuuki hadn't even tried to defend him.
Kaname isn't sure he should have been defended.
The Ancestor of the Kuran knows he is a man with a heart in darkness. Behind him is a past full of shadows, and before him the certainty he will cast more, long and dark, with claws that grasp. In public, he keeps up a facade of respectability, virtue, a reputation for goodness and morality. He's widely admired for his restraint and temperance, his respect for the wills of lesser vampires. Ask any of his subordinates, or any vampire off the street, and they will sing his praises. But in the eyes of the two people who know him without any masks or secrets, who know the dark places he hides, they unhesitatingly believe him a monster who would not flinch to have the blood of a child on his hands.
Confronted with such a stark and terrible reflection, the questions stalk him unceasingly. No longer can he turn his head away from the mirror and pretend that the mask is the man. Is he the sort of man who wants to make parents afraid for what he'll do to their unborn children? Will he really use anyone, no matter how innocent? Is that the kind of person he wants to be in the eyes of the only people who really know him? Does he want to be a man who will exact petty, unjustified revenge on those who are weaker and more helpless? The kind of man who takes out his anger on a person's loved ones out of spite? Whose prejudice is unjustly earned by parentage? A villain who would harm children without thought?
Kaname's deeply buried, mostly insensitive conscience squirms like a pale worm exposed to sunlight. He's ashamed of the person he is in Yuuki's eyes. And he feels guilty, the little-used emotion like a stone weighing heavy in his chest. Guilty because of Kiryuu, and though the pureblood tries to ignore or deny it, he cannot.
Inconceivable. If Kaname feels anything for Kiryuu, it should be rage. Kiryuu has exposed the black pit of his heart, cut through gleaming cages of bone to wet red chambers, and mercilessly bared the flayed parts to the cold air and pitiless light. Kiryuu, with his pure white heart, his selflessness so great it extended to willing sacrifice for dim undreamt-of tiny lives.
Kiryuu's offspring, up to this point, had been a vague, far-off possibility that Kaname hadn't seriously considered becoming real. Confronted by the question, the pureblood can't decide what to think. Kiryuu's children would also be Yuuki's children. Could he ever bring harm to something she really loved? But they would belong to Kiryuu too - the Hunter he envied and despised with every fiber of his being - and they would steal more of Yuuki's attention and time from him. Kiryuu was correct; the Hunter's children would also present a unique opportunity to torment and manipulate him. Yuuki's love is the only thing preserving Kiryuu's life, but that hasn't stopped Kaname from inflicting anything short of death on the Hunter. Would that be true for Kiryuu's children as well, or would his dormant conscience shield them? With only the hypothetical to mull over, without the test of a real situation, the conflict cannot be resolved.
None of it - the troubling questions, the nagging guilt, the ugly shame of his soul's nakedness - will leave him in peace any longer. Kaname catches himself thinking of it every time his thoughts drift from their disciplined paths. Whenever his eyes fall on Kiryuu - at breakfast, passing through the halls, in the library with Yuuki - a tugging sensation in his chest needles at him. Crushing the feelings down doesn't work. Nor does looking away, and he'll be damned if he ruins his pride by avoiding Kiryuu.
If Kaname can't suppress the feelings, then he must appease them. How exactly is he expected to do that?
The one time he tries to speak with Yuuki, his wife stops him as soon as he brings up the issue.
"Kaname," she says with her delicate hand covering his mouth, "I'm not the first one you should be having this conversation with. My feelings aren't important. I'm not the one you hurt. Do you understand that?"
Kaname doesn't, actually, but he heeds his wife's request to let the topic drop. He can see what she's suggesting, and he refuses to talk to Kiryuu. Kiryuu is irrelevant, even if Kaname grudgingly admits his guilt is caused by what he's driven the Hunter to do.
His alpha instincts have been more indigently overactive than they've ever been in ten thousand years, outraged by the idea that the omega they're courting doesn't trust them enough to want their offspring, and convinced that this can be fixed with enough feeding and displays of strength. Every time he sees Kiryuu, the alpa starts yammering about omegas and sweet smells and pretty eyes and how they need to care for mate properly - a mess of hormone-driven tripe.
The primal impulses are making him more aggressive than usual, warping his iron control; every time Kaname spots Kiryuu in the company of another alpha, his instincts are insistent that their poor care is driving Kiryuu to look for a different knot to fuck himself on. While Kaname the rational pureblood may say good riddance, his alpha makes him snappish and short every time one of his business partners compliments Kiryuu's appearance, or one of the house staff bends over the Hunter's shoulder to serve him dinner. He takes Kiryuu to a cocktail party with Yuuki, and the host startles a short laugh out of the Hunter; Kaname nearly beheads an important ally when his instincts conjure a picture of Kiryuu on his back underneath the senator, his knees spread and a pink flush on his cheeks, raising his skirts to lewdly present himself. When Kaname behaves rudely, all of them seem to discern that the cause is territorial jealousy, give him understanding looks, back away and offer him their apologies, and Kaname hates that too. Who gives a damn if they look at Kiryuu? They can fuck the skinny bastard on top of his desk for all he cares! (Lies - Kaname would kill them before they could do more than glimpse Kiryuu's bare white ankle).
He's biologically hardwired to make a fool of himself for an omega, the same way he instinctively finds them attractive. If his mind produces stupid pictures of Kiryuu with other alphas, it's only because he hasn't had the pleasure of his wife's company in over a month. Kaname hasn't spent so long alone in his own bed since he married Yuuki. Forced celibacy doesn't suit him, and he's reaching out to fill that gap through nearby surrogates. That is not actual interest or desire.
The cumulative effect of all this tension - with Kiryuu and Yuuki on the outside, and his instincts and conscience on the inside - is that Kaname's life feels rather like it has fallen out of his control. Self-doubt stalks him; he feels as though he doesn't really know himself, even after thousands and thousands of years. As though he's walking and the earth is crumbling beneath his feet.
Not the best state of mind to visit his double father-in-law, so of course that's when Cross invites them.
"50% off spring perennials today only!" crackles a cheerful recorded voice over the speaker.
This had seemed like such a good idea at the time, Yuuki reflects mournfully. The plan was to bring the Chairman a present for their first visit since Zero's marriage, partly as a bribe, partly to distract him from the inevitable tears, excessive photography, dramatic proclamations and attempts to get them - yes, all of them, son-in-law Kaname too now - to call him father. The problem was the Yuuki's idea of good presents for the Chairman were handmade coupons, and Zero rejected that idea halfway to Cross Academy, leaving the three of them with no gift. Putting their heads together, Yuuki and Zero had analyzed their knowledge of the Chairman's hobbies, and their solution led them to their current circumstances: at a garden centre, searching for an addition to Chairman Cross' prized, meticulously kept grounds.
None of them have any idea what they ought to buy, and they're definitely going to be late, but at least Yuuki can enjoy this opportunity to see Zero and Kaname look so out of place.
Compared to the other customers, Kaname sticks out like a cat among pigeons in his spotless, tailored, expensive suit, with his handsome features and regal bearing. A little old woman keeps peeping at him from behind a wall of potting soil, trying to make eye contact and licking her lips. Kaname is studiously ignoring her, while also trying to surreptitiously stay as far from the plants as physically possible. Otherwise, a stray bit of his power could burn all of them to crispy ash; Yuuki'd once seen Kaname dispose of a flower a Day Class girl gave him that way. The nearest flowers look a little withered already, proof of Kaname's well-hidden irritation and annoyance letting his power slip out.
It's a good thing that Zero and Yuuki are dressed more casually than Kaname, with Zero in gloves and human clothes instead of his usual Consort's wardrobe, otherwise even more people would be staring at them. They're causing a scene just by coming inside, and Yuuki is caught between laughter and embarrassment. Everyone in the store is staring at the three of them together, making the other customers murmur about models and movie stars, unabashedly staring but trying not to be caught watching. Several of them have taken out their phones to take pictures. There are murmurs of autographs and a few brave souls are drifting closer.
Zero is glaring at everything he sees as though it's done him a personal wrong, scaring off all the salespeople who might be able to help them. One of them, fleeing in terror, had yelped and tripped backwards over a pyramid of plastic pots, scattering the whole pile all over the floor; the employee is now scrambling around on all fours like a crab trying to catch them as they roll away. More employees have come to help contain the disaster, only to slip and fall as well, creating an ever widening circle of destruction as more and more people loose their footing.
It looks like Yuuki will have to save them.
"That one," she says, pointing at the nearest thing with flowers.
Cross cries and promises to keep it forever and ever and ever, declares it his third child, happily names the flower 'San', and installs it in the kitchen. Yuuki shrugs. Close enough.
Hunters, much like stray dogs, never come alone. Where there is one stray, more of the pack will gather. Besides Cross, Yagari Touga and Takamiya Kaito have invited themselves to this little visit.
Yagari, looking remarkably well for a man his age, though far older than he had while teaching the Night Class, disappeared with Kiryuu as soon as the three of them had greeted Cross, dragging him off to the shooting range in the basement after claiming that he needed to make sure his student had been keeping up with his training. The warded basement, that Kaname can't spy on. Clever man, but inconvenient and irritating for the pureblood's purposes. At least his instincts are staying quiet; Yagari is too old to read as a threat.
That leaves Kaname and Yuuki to make small talk with the Chairman and Takamiya. A task the two of them are not making easy or pleasant.
He's never been able to tell if the Chairman's mask of idiocy was entirely faked, partly true but exaggerated, or the real Cross under the Hunter training. Is the man a brilliant actor or has he gone somewhat mad after a few centuries? Either way, it is trying Kaname's patience.
The Hunter that Kaname guessed was Takamiya when he shadowed Kiryuu through his raven is officially introduced to him under that name. Takamiya is slightly past his prime, with age lines around his eyes - a better measure of a Hunter's age than their looks - but still in good health, lacking serious old injuries, and quite fit. An excellent Hunter to have retained active Hunting status so long, Takamiya is rumored to be next in line as Cross' co-President and his reputation speaks for itself. From the way the brunette eyes him, as though Kaname were a form of newly discovered refrigerator mold, it's not difficult to guess how he feels about Kiryuu's circumstances or perhaps purebloods in general.
"So, when was the last time you ate a human?" Takamiya inquires, tone casual and nearly drawling, but watching the two purebloods on the opposite couch with sharp eyes. Cross is bustling around in the kitchen, leaving the three of them alone.
Serious grudges against purebloods must run in the family, Kaname thinks sourly, and lets his teaspoon clink on the saucer as he abandons any effort to drink it. Yuuki rests her hand on his thigh, trying to calm both of them; her practiced public face may have fewer chinks now, but he can still see she's slightly hurt by Takamiya's question.
"Thirty years or so, since I married Yuuki," Kaname replies, as though the question is perfectly harmless and ordinary.
"How about you, vampire-hime?"
"Never," Yuuki tells him.
Takamiya shifts from his slouched position lounging on the couch. "Ah, is that so? Living that way must be awfully confining."
"Not at all," Yuuki responds calmly. "I only desire the blood of two people, and have been blessed to drink from both."
"Is one of them Zero?" the Hunter asks, casual demeanor stripped away, body snapping arrow-straight and leaning forward.
"Yes," she says, meeting his gaze directly.
Leaning back again, hard expression not giving away his thoughts, Takamiya flicks his fingers against the rim of his cup so the porcelain rings. Then the Hunter does it again, and again, and again; given his rank and experience, Kaname would wager Takamiya knows exactly how irritating the noise is for a vampire.
Speaking in a casual tone, the Hunter says, "Did you know that Zero calls us every other day? Sometimes he'll tell us things about his life. My fellow apprentice isn't very talkative, but you learn how to read between the lines."
Takamiya stops playing with the cup, and the ringing quiets. His eyes don't blink. "I know what it means when a vampire desires another's blood. Why is it that you desire his blood, Kuran Yuuki, yet Zero has never sounded happy when I speak to him, not once?"
"It's good to see you, Master," Zero says when the door is closed and the wards are up, embracing the man who helped raise him. Yagari is a gruff man, but he doesn't push Zero away at the display of affection. Both of them know they have precious few opportunities left to see each other, considering Yagari's old age and Zero's new position.
"How are you holding up, Zero?"
"Okay," Zero replies, breathing in the nostalgic smell of smoke clinging to Yagari's coat.
His Master gives him a little shake. "No sugarcoating things for me, boy."
"Not good at first. Better now," he admits. "Having Yuuki around helps."
"You found yourself a price for survival you can live with?" Yagari asks.
Zero pauses, burying his head deeper and muffling his words. "Maybe. I don't know. Everything so far I can live with. But I also know I haven't gotten to the worst yet."
Yagari rumbles an acceptance in his chest, and squeezes his student tighter, then loosens his arms enough Zero can escape.
"Retirement from active field assignments seems to have left you in good shape," Zero says, trying to lighten the mood as he draws back.
Yagari snorts. "I was persuaded that it was in the Association's best interest if I stopped charging into anymore vampire nests. Wouldn't give back my rifle though - they can have it over my dead body. I suspect my lack of a 'silver shadow' has something to do with Cross deciding it's time I left Hunting to the next generation."
"I'm sorry Master -"
"Not your fault, boy. Don't you apologize." Yagari says, drawing his brows together in a glare. "I've had a longer career than many other Hunters. I'm grateful that I could keep going as long as I did."
"How has Kaito taken it?"
"Relieved I'm not going to break a hip, probably. He's stepped into his new responsibilities well; I'm not worried for him."
"So what did you need to show me, Master?" Zero asks, reluctant to move the conversation along, but knowing that their time is limited before Yuuki comes looking for him.
His Master taps a stack of files placed on the counter for cleaning guns. "We need your skills, urgently. We've seen a rapid increase in Level E cases - over a thousand percent in some areas. Cross and I just wanted to warn you ahead of time."
Zero flips open the folders; there are hundreds of papers inside, each with a different name and birth date, sometimes with a photo paperclipped on. Skimming rapidly, he says, "If there's an increase in the local D populations, that means that somewhere there's a pureblood Turning them. Do we have a suspect?"
Yagari crosses his arms and shakes his iron grey head. "Not yet. We have a few possibilities, but nothing more."
"Have you looked into Shirabuki?" Zero asks, remembering his own encounters with the woman. "She's been stirring some trouble lately in vampire circles."
"Of course," Yagari huffs. "But she's been on her best behavior since we busted her feeder trafficking ring. We can't link anything to her. We can't link anything to any of the purebloods at this point; they're damn near impossible to keep surveillance on because of their powers."
"It's not either of the Kurans," Zero assures his Master. "Yuuki's never bitten anybody that I know of, and Kuran has too many commitments already. Whoever's doing this is sinking a lot of time into the project, and I can account for a significant portion of his day."
"Didn't think it was either of them," Yagari agrees. "But the high number concerns us. It's too many victims to dismiss the cause as hunger, or a beast enjoying the excitement of hunting. Somebody had to put real work into creating this many new Level Ds."
Zero pauses his rapid survey, running a hand through his bangs. "The victim choice is strange. If I didn't know they were connected, I wouldn't have guessed. Sex workers, runaways, the homeless, migrant laborers, refugees, residents of shantytowns - people that the authorities can't track. People that the system won't miss, because they don't leave records; if they go missing, almost nobody would notice. That's not a normal feeding pattern for a pureblood. They're picky eaters - they like their prey young and beautiful. A pureblood doesn't want to put their mouth on a homeless man who probably hasn't washed in days," he says, pointing to the top paper in the open folder.
"You're correct," Yagari says, leaning against the table edge and rubbing his fingers together the way he does when he badly wants a cigarette but can't smoke. "And there's only one cause for this distinctive victim pattern that fits."
"Someone's making an army," Zero whispers.
His Master nods. "Or it's a diversion, to make us think they're making one. Either way, the choice isn't random. This pureblood is picking only these kinds of people so the humans don't get suspicious; the new Level Ds are intended to die as expendable cannon fodder. But who is the target? Is this vampire politics spilling over into the human world, or is this the beginning of a new anti-Hunter war?"
Zero contemplates this for a moment. "No way to tell. And the pureblood must know we're looking into this. There's no way they could expect to hide the disappearances for long, which will make them harder to find."
"Exactly. You'll be given the request by dispatch in the next couple of days."
His Master gestures to the unloaded gun on the table. "Now, I wasn't joking about that test. On with the safety equipment and show me how you've improved."
"Kaito, what did you say to them?" Zero demands, pulling the other man aside as they're leaving. Cross has trapped the Kurans at the door, leaving Zero free to question his fellow apprentice.
Yuuki's been acting strangely preoccupied and quiet; Zero knew as soon as he walked into the room that Kaito had done something to stir up trouble.
Kaito spreads his hands and grins. "Nothing. We just had a nice storytime together, that's all."
After sitting so long with suspicions and questions bursting under his skin, Zero is in no mood for banter. "Now I definitely know something is up - you used your 'how could you think it was innocent little me?' smile. I know you to well for that to work."
The older Hunter shrugs. "I asked your purebloods some questions about themselves and how you three were getting along."
Zero frowns, "Kaito, I'm serious."
"So am I. You're more of a brother to me than my own family, Zero. You may be fine with living like a shadow for the rest of your life, but I won't be satisfied until I know you're happy with them. And if that means I have to flip some tables first, then I will."
With a sigh, Zero says, "You're too reckless, Kaito."
Kaito raises a grey-flecked eyebrow. "That, coming from you? You hunt B-Rank vampires solo. You don't get to tell me I'm reckless."
"I'm only reckless with my own life," argues Zero.
"Careless, more like," Kaito scoffs. "That's why I have to look out for you."
Zero just shakes his head and says nothing. Neither Yuuki nor Kuran speak to him on the drive home, and he slips away before anyone can stop him.
The knock on his door comes around eight in the morning, after Zero's sent away the servants to sleep for the day. Zero considers ignoring it, but then heaves himself out of bed, yawning, and opens the door to see a sneaky looking Yuuki with her brown hair pulled up into a knot. She gives him a conspiratorial smile. Instantly, it's like the two of them are children again, trying to avoid waking Cross as they sneak out of bed.
"Did you know there's an outdoor pool? I thought I'd go for a swim before it gets hot. Want to come with me?" she says, holding up two towels.
Zero grins and leans against the doorpost. "Let me change."
In the early morning sunlight, the two vampires flit from shadow to shadow, following a path Yuuki is clearly familiar with. Probably by design, the pool is covered by a thick canopy of trees, so even pure blooded Yuuki can soak comfortably in the shade.
This early in May, the songbirds are still singing their best to attract a mate; Zero watches a courting pair flutter and chirp in a nearby tree while Yuuki strips down to a functional two-piece navy swimsuit with a short skirt. She tests the water with her toes, then wades in with a shiver. Zero lingers near the steps, sitting on the rim of the pool until his legs and feet adjust to the cooler temperatures, watching Yuuki float on her back.
"Hurry up and come in," she says, flicking water at him. He holds up a hand to shield himself and huffs.
"Okay, okay," he teases, and begins to tug the hem of his shirt up so he can pull it over his head. There's the sound of Yuuki splashing, and suddenly she's right beside him, her hands stopping his from rising any further.
"Yuuki?" Zero says, voice rougher and more unsure than he intended. His heartbeat drums faster in his ears. She's right up close to him, breathing quickly from her dash to stop him. Zero can see a strand of her hair has come loose from its knot, and her brown eyes have a fascinating burgundy corona around the center, picked out by the morning sun. The faint scent of her perfume hasn't washed off yet. Her hands are warm.
The pureblood blinks, watching him right back. "Don't take your shirt off - you're not wearing anything underneath it, are you?" she says breathlessly. When Zero shakes his head no - he's wearing nothing but a pair of swim trunks and a white undershirt - Yuuki draws in a long breath, and her gaze feels heavier; it makes the back of Zero's neck prickle.
"You're an omega, Zero," she tells him. "You can't go topless anymore. Taking off your shirt in front of anyone is like me showing my breasts. It's very...sexual."
Zero stares at her, suddenly understanding her intense study, and swallows, slowing letting the hem of his shirt fall. He tries very, very hard not to think about Yuuki's perfect breasts; the utter mortification of realizing he almost stripped in front of her helps. "Got" - he clears his throat - "got it. No more shirtless swimming and training."
"You train shirtless?" Yuuki says faintly; her pupil is beginning to swallow her iris, and she lets him go, looking like she would much rather pull him closer, hurridly backing into safer territory and returning to the water.
Zero, desperate to change the atmosphere, jumps into the water and swamps Yuuki in a miniature tsunami. The pureblood shouts and retaliates by splashing water right back; the two of them chase each other around the pool, kicking and splashing until both of them are thoroughly soaked, tussling and pushing each other under the surface after the tension between them has been thoroughly broken. When neither of them can do anything but pant and try to dislodge the water from their ears, Zero and Yuuki call a truce and enjoy floating quietly near one another, soaking in the sun, morning air, and birdsong from the corner with the darkest shade.
"Mmmm, Zero?" Yuuki says, draping herself over the side of the pool, resting her head in her arms and turning her face to the side as she watches him. Zero splashes a little to show he's listening.
"Are you happy here, with us?"
The Hunter flails and his head goes under the water before he can stabilize himself. "Why do you want to know?" he sputters.
"Because I love you, and your feelings matter to me," she tells him. "You don't have to worry about offending me. If you're unhappy, I only want to know so I can help fix it."
Zero hedges. "That's not an easy question."
"Why not?" Yuuki asks, tilting her head curiously.
"I mean, people can be generally unhappy with their lives but still feel happy sometimes. Or feel happy on the surface, but be in pain underneath. Like Ichiru was," he replies, hurting at the memory of his twin.
Yuuki considers this. "Then what about you? How do you feel?" she repeats.
Zero laughs. "I don't think I've been happy, except for a few short moments, since my parents died. I can barely remember the feeling." At Yuuki's stricken expression, Zero admits, "I felt happy most often when I was with you."
Yuuki settles down, musing, half to herself, "That's sad, Zero. I think I was happy - really genuinely happy - when my parents were alive too. Maybe being happy only happens when we're children. Then we grow up and learn how painful life can be. I was happy with Kaname too, when I wasn't thinking about it, but it was...complicated. More complex, less easy. I thought Kaname was happy then, but now I think he might not have been really happy at all."
She turns around, slipping back into the water, and comes close; her bare shoulders glisten, and her hair is dark with water. "How can I make you happier, Zero? What can I do?"
Zero remembers that he once told Cross he would never be happy living as a vampire. The idea still feels impossible. But he wishes he could be happy, for Yuuki. "Just stay with me," he finally tells her. "You can't fix my problems, Yuuki, but having you around makes them seem less important."
"Okay," she agrees, and wraps her arms around him, warm body pleasant after the cool water and the chill of the morning breeze on damp skin. "Whatever you need."
Zero nestles his chin in the crook of her neck, and breathes.
"You can come out now," Yuuki tells the raven half-hidden in the underbrush. In the same way their bloodbond allows Yuuki to always find Kaname, even blindfolded, Kaname can never hide his familiars from her. It carries such a tiny piece of her husband's power that Zero may not have even noticed the familiar was there, but it was never wise to discount his Hunter senses. Zero has already gone inside, after reminding her that he has a Hunt tonight and needs to rest.
Kaname lets the raven land beside where Yuuki is dipping her feet in the pool, and reshapes it into a projection of his own body, feet neatly folded underneath him.
Yuuki leans back into his light touch, letting her eyes fall closed. They sit together quietly for a few minutes, until Yuuki's eyes flutter open again and she says, "Have you ever been completely, totally happy, Kaname?"
The pureblood doesn't reply, a distant look in his claret eyes.
She laughs. "Aren't we a trio? All chasing after happiness and none of us know what we're searching for anymore."
"I think I may have felt happy during my second childhood," Kaname offers, expression perfectly smooth. "When I had suppressed my memories. When I believed I really was their son, and after you were born - I believe I came the closest I have ever known to happiness. I have been happy only when I did not know myself."
Yuuki can feel her face twist, aghast at the pain betrayed by Kaname's words. "You've never known happiness before then? Not once in ten thousand years?"
Kaname does not look at her; his tone falls even and measured, clinically factual. "Never. Happiness, contentment - sometimes those things came close for a little while, but they always departed, and I was alone again with nothing but my despair for company. The longer I ruled, the further from happiness I was. To this day, I am surprised that I chose Sleep; in my despair many feared I would destroy myself. I think it was only my apathy that saved me."
Yuuki pulls him into an embrace, and squeezes Kaname as firmly as she dares, knowing the feeling will ghost along the real Kaname's skin, wishing that she could provide greater comfort. Zero would know what to say, but all she has is herself.
She doesn't dare ask if he's happy now.
After a while, Yuuki sighs. "You were right, you know. I wasn't ready to take on Zero's needs. I'm still not certain what I can do to help him. You can't force someone to be happy anymore than you can force them to love you."
"You regret it then?" he asks, stirring again.
"No, I would have done it anyway. After seeing how people treat him, I still believe our power can protect him the best. But I would have done things differently," she replies thoughtfully.
"Come on," she says, holding out her arm for the familiar, a raven once more. "Let's go inside before I burn. Please watch over Zero tonight, Kaname."
Yuuki wishes she could do it herself, but her control over her familiar isn't good enough yet; she's close, perhaps a few more weeks' practice away from her goal, but she won't risk Zero for 'almost good enough.' Kaname can keep watch until Yuuki can relieve him. It may not be enough, but whatever Yuuki can do, she will do.
This is a short chapter, because it was actually a section from a much longer original one. So you know that date I promised? It has now ballooned to three dates. None of our trio cooperated with me and I've written 6,000 words and have only gotten through one date. I decided that I was going to chop it and post the short chapter because it was the best place to break before the fluff. So much fluff guys. Be prepared.
Next time: Kaname embarks on a hasty course of action that he might regret, Yuuki wants to do some proper wooing, and Zero would like a vacation, preferably one where he kills vampires, thank you very much.