Disclaimer: Everything familiar belongs to Ms. Evanovich and the creators of Criminal Minds.

Warning: Adult situations, adult language

Chapter 44: Saturday, August 27th, 1500-2000

Ranger's House

Stephanie's POV

Once we finish lunch, I can't stop thinking about what Emily, JJ, and Tara said to me. I know, in my heart, that I love Carlos. I'm so totally in love with him that I physically ache for him. He is my everything. I'm scared to give myself to Carlos because I know that he will eventually tire of me, dump me or cheat on me. When he does, he will break me. Every boyfriend I ever had eventually cheated on me. They all told me that I was horrible in bed, a sad excuse for a woman and pathetic. After the fiasco with Dickie, I swore off men. That was when I met Tom. He was perfect. He was gentle with me, and he never tried to rush things. We were only dating about three months when he had to move home, but I believe that had he stayed, he would have been good for me.

Ranger is the man I knew before we came to Miami, who always told me that there was no chance for a relationship between us. His life didn't lend itself to relationships. I believed him because he never lied to me before. Now, Carlos, his alter ego is telling me that he wants to have a relationship with me, long-term. I'm afraid that he only wants me so I can raise Julie for him. While I love Julie, I'm not ready to be a mom. Heck, I don't even want children.

I know that I'm not really contributing and Carlos sees that I'm distracted. "Babe is everything okay?" he asks, with concern in his voice.

"I'm fine. I guess I need a break." I tell him.

"Why don't you do some online shopping for Tommy. Then, you and Julie can go to the mall and pick up whatever else you need. Manny and Rocco will go with you."

"Two guards, Ranger?"

"Rocco is one of Julie's guards. She's comfortable with him shadowing her. I know you don't know him and won't feel comfortable with him, so I'll have Manny go to be your guard. Please, Steph. Those bastards tried to blow up you and Julie yesterday. I can't lose you, Babe."

"Okay, but no black," I tell Ranger. He smiles, then hands me his credit card.

"Buy whatever you want. Get the furniture delivered here by tomorrow. Pay whatever is necessary for expedited delivery and assembly."

"Sir, yes, Sir," I say as a mock salute him.

"Babe," he says, his eyes dark with desire.

Before he can do anything else, I run from the guesthouse, with a smile on my face. Once Julie is finished with her therapy session, we have a quick bite to eat before heading to the mall, with our Merry Men du jour. We climb into one of the SUVs, Julie and I in the back seat; as we head to buy some clothes for Tommy, Julie, and myself.

We spend the first-hour on buying clothes for Tommy. We purchased a few bathing trunks, jeans, shorts, basketball shorts, t-shirts, polos, button-down shirts, and cargoes. We get him dinosaur boxer briefs and white tank-style t-shirts. I get him a sports-themed bedding set and a train-themed set. I figure he can choose which he'd prefer. Next, Julie and I stop in Forever 21 for clothes for her, then we went to Aeropostale. Finally, I stopped in Victoria's Secret for more underwear for me. At the rate I was ruining my panties, I needed a lot more.

We decided to head towards the food court to get some ice cream before heading back to the house. As we were heading there, I suddenly slipped on something. As I was falling, a man grabbed my arm to break my fall. Suddenly, I see Brian standing next to me, pulling us towards the pool table. He's holding me down while his two friends restrain me. They laugh as the tears start to fall down my face. I try to fight, but they only hurt me more. I know what they are going to do and I'm helpless to stop them.

"You're nothing but a cock-tease, Plum. You dress in your skimpy little outfits, rub your tight little ass against me, then deny me the goods. Well, you won't be denying my brothers or me tonight.

"Get off me, don't touch me," I say. I manage to break free of the restraints, and I'm on the floor in a tight ball.

"Stephanie, it'll be okay. Come on, Stephanie, you're safe now." I hear a voice. It doesn't belong to Brian or his friends. I'm not aware whose voice it is, but I'm scared. I feel someone pick me up and I try fighting. I don't want them to touch me. Suddenly, I hear a female voice, "Steph, stop fighting, you're safe."

I stop trying to resist. Hoping that if I stay still, they'll leave me alone. I'm released and move as far away from the voices as I can go, curling into a ball to protect myself. Then I hear his voice.

"Babe, it's me, Carlos. You're safe, Querida. Steph, mi amor, please look at me. You need to breathe, Babe, you're safe. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you."

He keeps repeating that mantra over and over again. Finally, the fog is starting to clear; the cobwebs are disappearing.

"Carlos!" I reply.

I search frantically, finally finding his intense brown eyes, locked on mine. "Carlos, is it really you?"

"Yes, Babe, it's me. What happened?"

"Ranger, she was walking and slipped on some water. As she was falling, a gentleman grabbed her arm to help break her fall. He was with his wife and three-year-old twins. She hit her head, then suddenly curled into a ball and wouldn't let us near her." Manny reported.

Carlos looks at me. "I was back there, Carlos, in that basement. They were hurting me. Why won't they leave me alone."

He wraps his arms around me, allowing me to sob. He rubs circles on my back and whispers in Spanish into my ear. I feel myself calming down. I hear voices; I know everyone is talking, but I can't focus on their words.

"Babe, Dr. Purpura would like to see you right now. Are you ready to go?" Carlos asks me.

"Okay," I reply. I'm not sure if I'm ready, but I can't keep going through that pain. I haven't had a flashback like that in almost eight years.

"Rocco, take Julie back to my house. Manny, you go with Rocco. Bobby, come with me." Ranger orders his men.

About fifteen minutes later we are pulling up to a modest single-family home in an upper-middle-class section of Miami. The door opens, and Dr. Purpura is waiting for me.

"Stephanie, my dear, welcome. Would you like some tea?" Dr. Purpura asks me.

"No thank you, but I'd like some water, please," I respond.

She hands me a bottle of water. "Would you like to talk in my office or in the garden?"

"Your garden, please."

"Do you want Mr. Manoso with you?"

I shake my head no. "Babe, I'll be in front if you need me." He tells me before kissing me on the forehead.

I follow Dr. Purpura outside, and we sit on a nice wicker settee.

"Stephanie, please call me Karen. What happened tonight?"

"I had a flashback to the night I was gang-raped."

"Was that the first time you were sexually assaulted?"

"No. It was the third time." I respond.

"Tell me about the other two times, Stephanie."

I tell her about Morelli's Choo-choo game in his father's garage when I was six. I share the experiences from the night Joe took my virginity on the floor of Tasty Pastry, telling her about the poems Joe wrote around town. After repeating what happened to me, I realize for the first time that Joe raped me. Until this moment, I thought that it was somewhat consensual. But I now know that I didn't consent. I tried to push him away, but he was stronger than me. I tell Karen about my baby, the one I lost.

"Did your parents ever find out about either incident?"

"My mother found out about the Choo-Choo game. She punished me for two months, saying that I was a bad, wicked girl. I was wrong to go with Joe anywhere. She told me to stay away from him, and since I didn't listen, I got what I deserved."

"What about the bakery incident?"

"My mother received several phone calls from the Burg busybodies who told her about the poems Joe left. When I walked in the door, she slapped me across the face, calling me a slut and a whore. My father ignored the whole scene. My mother punished me for three months. It was on my first day of freedom that my best friend Mary Lou and I were hanging out with her cousin in Newark that I miscarried. Up until that point, I didn't even realize I was pregnant. Growing up I never had regular periods. I went on birth control at fourteen to try to regulate my period, but I suffered from too many side effects that my doctor discontinued it about three months before Joe had sex with me."

"Was Joe ever punished?" Karen asked me.

"No, he wasn't. In my neighborhood, it was 'boys will be boys.' It is okay for a boy to be sexually active. The good girls keep their virginity until their wedding night. Only the bad girls have sex beforehand. I don't think I ever planned on being a virgin on my wedding day, but I didn't plan on losing my virginity in high school. I couldn't date anyone in high school because all the boys thought I was easy and loose. I went to my Senior Prom alone. College was a little bit better, until that night."

"Stephanie, can you tell me about that night?"

I take a deep breath and begin to tell her all the details. She listens empathetically, placing her hand around mine when it started getting difficult for me to share. When I finished, she hugged me.

"Oh, my dear Stephanie, I'm so sorry you had to experience that. That was horrible of Brian to violate your trust like that. Do you know if the video still exists?"

"I'd like to think it's long gone, but I have a feeling that it still is somewhere and someday, it will be shared with the world."

"Tell me about your marriage."

I spend the next half hour detailing my courtship with Dickie Orr, our engagement, and finally, our short-lived marriage. I told her about walking in on him playing hide the salami with Joyce Barnhardt on my dining room table. I told her how I burnt all his possessions. She smiled at my revenge. I also shared Tom with her. To date, he is the only positive relationship I have ever been involved in.

"What about Mr. Manoso? From what I have observed in the few moments I've seen you interact with each other, I'd say he loves you."

"He claims he does, but he's told me that his life doesn't lend itself to relationships, that his love doesn't come with a ring, but a condom might come in handy. He offered to give me a baby, but nothing beyond that, he can't give me his heart. He sends me so many mixed messages that I don't know what to think. His actions tell me that he cares deeply for me, but his words say otherwise."

I say as the tears start to fall.

"Stephanie, what do you want for your future?"

I pause to think about what she is asking of me. I sit quietly, for about ten minutes before responding. "I would like to be in a committed relationship with a man who honors, cherishes and respects me. I want him to give me his heart, and I want to give him mine. I don't know if I want children. Two weeks ago, I would have said that I never want children, but after spending time with Julie and then Tommy, I think that I may want a child of my own someday. I don't think I need to be married, but I need the trust in the commitment that we have to each other."

"Do you have someone in mind?"

"In a perfect world, that man would be Ranger, my Carlos. But he only wants me to be a friend with benefits. I can't be that with him. My heart is too invested in him."

"Did you ever tell him how you feel, Stephanie?"

"No. I can't. If Carlos rejects me, I won't survive. I'd rather have his friendship than nothing."

I can't help a yawn from escaping. Karen looks at her watch. "Stephanie, it's getting late. I still want to see you tomorrow. I think, with a little hard work, you can overcome your relationship phobias. Tomorrow, I want to discuss your relationship with your family, your parents, grandparents, and siblings."

"Okay," I reply meekly.

"Stephanie, you are a strong woman, don't let this get you down, don't let it beat you. Don't be afraid to lean on those people around you. They will help you overcome your insecurities if you allow them."

"Thank you, Karen, for seeing me tonight. I feel better after talking about it."

"I'm glad. Avoid coffee after ten in the morning, no wine or alcohol and make sure to get a good night's rest."

I nod my head as we walk to her front door. I open the door, finding Carlos and Bobby waiting for me.

"Everything okay?" Ranger asks, looking into my eyes.

I smile before responding, "Yes, much better."

I climb into the backseat of the Cayenne. Carlos shocks me by climbing in next to me. I buckle myself in, and Carlos wraps his arm around me. I'm so exhausted from the flashback and the talking that I fall asleep before we hit the road. I wake briefly as I feel Carlos carrying me in the house. He helps me undress before placing one of his t-shirts over my head. He tucks me into bed, kissing my forehead, my nose, and my lips gently. "Sleep, Babe. I'll join you in a little while. I love you." My eyes close once again, and I drift off into a dreamless sleep.