Chapter Eleven

{Zach}

I went home that night not having any recollection of Ryan's party. Not because I drank myself into oblivion, but because my mind was somewhere else—more specifically, with someone else.

There was just something about Cammie that always found its way into my thoughts; her bright, blue eyes that were so innocent and yet somehow so alluring; her sweet smile that could instantly turn my thoughts dirty with just a simple bite; her sexy curves that could bring even the strongest of men to their knees; the power over me that she didn't even know she had. All of it was fucking frustrating.

How was I supposed to protect myself from falling for Cammie when all my mind wanted to do was think about how badly I wanted her? It'd be easy to give in to the temptations and forget about our no-strings-attached deal—too damn easy—but in doing so, I could completely fuck everything up. I needed to keep my distance, which was the exact reason why currently we both had built up new walls, because when she let hers down on Sunday, I panicked and bailed. I was surprised that she wasn't mad last night like she probably should've been. But that's just what was so incredible about Cammie—she was so forgiving.

"Well, you're looking better."

I turned to Bex who had just taken a seat next to me, not at all surprised that I had been too distracted to notice her coming in.

"Glad to see the cut isn't too bad," she said, glancing at the small mark on my forehead.

Macey snorted as she took her own seat. "Looks like that thick skull of yours is good for something after all."

I gave her a sarcastic smile. "Good one. Do I even want to know what your big mouth is good for?"

"If you do, just ask Declan," she smirked at me.

Oh, that's fucking disgusting. Horrified by my cousin's repulsive comment, I mumbled, "And now my ears are bleeding."

Macey laughed and argued, "Don't dish it if you can't take it, cous."

"Sorry I thought my cousin wasn't a slut."

Not surprisingly, she laughed again and just rolled her eyes. Nothing ever really fazed Macey McHenry.

"You two really are in a league of your own," Bex told us, scrunching up her face in disgust. Her attention was pulled away from us and focused on Ryan and Cammie who had just walked in, both looking slightly irritated.

Okay, scratch that. They both looked utterly pissed.

"Whoa. What happened to you guys?" Bex asked, noticing their matching angry expressions.

"Someone thinks he can tell me who I can and can't talk to," Cammie answered with attitude, turning her back on Ryan as they both sat down at their desks.

Ryan rolled his eyes before replying, "She was talking to Lucas. Sorry if I felt the need to intervene."

Macey and Bex both went into interrogation mode, asking Cammie a thousand questions on what the hell she was thinking while I tried to not look as annoyed as I felt and keep my mouth shut. The last thing we needed right now was another fight and another reason to not trust each other.

"I was just thanking him for taking the hit for Zach. That's all," Cammie explained defensively.

"Why would you thank him? Zach got hurt, like, two seconds later anyway because he's weak," Macey argued, of course adding insult to injury. Literally.

"Nice, Mace." I shot her a glare, letting her know I didn't appreciate her comment, while also trying to listen to Cammie's answer without appearing too interested in it.

"Zach has a little scratch on the forehead while Lucas is on crutches," Cammie shot back, rolling her eyes at Macey's childishness. "You don't think that deserves to be acknowledged?"

For some reason, the way she said it bothered me. Like she thought Lucas was more of a man because he had gotten hit harder. Fuck that. Lucas was scum. He was nowhere close to being a man, much less one that deserved respect from Cammie.

"You're a better person than I am, Cam. That's for sure," Macey told her. I almost wanted to punch her head off for letting Cammie off the hook so easily, but that wouldn't have helped with anything. We all hated Lucas for what he tried to do to our friend, but no one knew that my hatred for him ran deeper than that—because it was Cammie he had tried to exploit like he'd done to so many girls in the past. No one needed to know that she was special to me.

"But seriously, no more talking to him," Ryan warned, giving Cammie a hard glare that told her it wasn't up for discussion—it was an order. For a brief moment, he glanced towards me, letting me know that his warning wasn't just about protecting Cammie, but also because he knew how much it bothered me that she had spoken to him in the first place. I gave him a simple nod of thanks in return.

Cammie sighed, and with much more sarcasm than needed, she told him, "I got it the first time, dad. Is that the whole punishment or do you want to ground me, too?"

"I wish," he grumbled, complaining under his breath although we all could hear him anyway.

Bex rolled her eyes and mouthed, "Boys," to Cammie, who giggled and shook her head, obviously not intimidated by Ryan's threats. And as angry as it made me, it also turned me on. Damn it, I loved her nerve.

Our teacher signaled for everyone to quiet down and announced that we could work with a partner on the worksheet he was handing out. The girls huddled together, ignoring the fact that they had an extra person in their group than was allowed, while Ryan and I locked eyes. Usually, we would've chosen each other as our partner without even saying a single word, but Ryan had other plans this time.

"Hey, Cam, I think Zach needs a partner," he said, smirking. For someone who was incredibly perceptive, you would think he would know how to be more subtle.

"I thought you were his partner?" she asked, confused by the sudden change. I couldn't blame her considering it had always been Macey, Bex and her as one group and Ryan and myself as another. But I wasn't about to argue and pass on a chance to be close to her.

Ryan shook his head. Pointing across the room to a fairly attractive junior, he answered, "Nah. That brunette chick over there has my name written all over her."

Cammie picked up her stuff and made her way to the empty desk next to me. As she passed Ryan, he sent a wink over her shoulder in my direction. That smug little idiot.

"Do you think we should tell him Courtney has a boyfriend?" Cammie asked as she sat down, watching Ryan as he flirted with his new partner.

I laughed, thanking the universe for the perfect karma. "No way. This is more fun."

She turned to me and smiled before starting on the math problems that were due at the end of class.

I smiled, back. We were getting along. Things were looking good.

So why the hell did I open my big mouth and say, "So, you were talking to Lucas, huh?"

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Can we please not do this right now?" she pleaded, not even bothering to look up from our worksheet. Like that was going to make me stop.

"I thought you hated him?" I prodded, knowing she wouldn't like it, but not caring enough. I wanted to know why she was wasting her time with that punk after what he did to her.

"Yeah, well, I hated you at one point, too," she argued.

My eyes narrowed. Seriously? Was she comparing me to Lucas again? What made me even angrier was how similar her situation with Lucas was to her situation with me—both evil dicks to her and both deserved to be hated. But just because it was true didn't mean I had to like her pointing it out.

"Is this your way of telling me you two have some side arrangement going on?" It was my attempt at making light of the situation, but there was still a small growl to my voice.

If she noticed, she didn't comment on it. Instead, she just laughed, and my anger immediately dissipated at the sound of it. "Ew, no. This is Lucas we're talking about. He's still the asshole who tried to manipulate me," she replied.

Just the mere mention of it made my blood boil, even it hadn't been simmering already. God, I really hated that guy.

But I pushed down the anger, knowing Cammie responded better to calm-Zach and not hot-headed-angry-monster-Zach. Keeping my voice steady, I asked, "So, why were you talking to him?"

Shaking her head, she answered, "I told you, I was thanking him. He's on crutches so you wouldn't be." She turned back to her paper and, changing the subject quickly, suggested, "We should probably get this done."

"Yeah," I agreed. "But before we do, there's something we need to talk about. The other night, when I ran out, I—"

"I get it, Zach. You don't have to explain," she interrupted. With a small, defeated shrug, she continued, "We've been at each other's throats ever since we met. That's not just gonna go away. If it's uncomfortable doing friendly things with each other right now, then that's fine. No big deal. I get it."

That was the second time she said she got it, but she didn't get it, because it wasn't like that at all. The reason I left wasn't because I didn't want to stay—it was because I wanted nothing more than to stay and be with her. And I had to protect myself from those very real feelings that didn't belong in our no-strings-attached deal before they ruined everything.

But her thinking she understood wasn't what bothered me about her explanation. What bothered me was that she had given up, just like that, on the idea of us being friends. Granted she did say "right now", so maybe there was still hope for the future, but how was that supposed to work if we didn't try in the present? She was right, things weren't just going to change and fix themselves, so why was she saying it's not a big deal if we didn't even try? Wasn't the goal of the arrangement to become friends? And wasn't it her idea to begin with?

"You know, I don't understand you," I told her, voicing my concerns because it needed to be done if we were ever going to figure this out. "This whole arrangement was your idea to help us become real friends, and now you're saying you don't want that?"

"I'm saying, you made it pretty clear that you don't want that when you left Sunday," she snapped at me. Leaning closer so that she could whisper without anyone overhearing, she continued, "You were perfectly fine with coming over to my house, being in my room, on my bed, on me, but when I asked to watch a movie like real friends do, apparently, I crossed a line."

I wanted to explain, but I didn't know how. It was obvious that she thought I still hated her, or at the very least, didn't want to be friends with her. How was I supposed to explain my actions when she had it in her mind that she already knew my reasoning?

"I told you, if that's how it has to be, that's fine," Cammie sighed, and I caught a glimpse in her eye that told me maybe she wasn't as fine with it as she appeared to be.

Good. Because I wasn't fine with it at all. That's not how I wanted this to be. I wanted her to know that kissing wasn't all we were doing, despite our best efforts to keep each other out and to kiss at an arm's length. Feelings were definitely getting involved whether we wanted them to or not. I wanted her to know all of that.

But I stayed silent, because Cammie wouldn't have listened. She was stubborn and liked being in control, and right now, with our emotions getting mixed in, what we were doing was anything but. She didn't believe a word she was saying, but she needed to say it so we would, once again, be pushing each other away.

There was no coming out of this as friends. I could see that, and I'm sure Cammie knew it, too. Our history was too complicated to allow us to be anything but what we already were…

Ruined.

::*::*::*::

{Cammie}

He said nothing. Absolutely nothing. He didn't have to say anything, though—his silence said it all.

I guess it was a good thing he didn't argue. It would've made him a liar, and that was one thing I liked about Zach—he never lied, no matter how much easier it was to do so.

That's when I knew I was right.

Zach ran out Sunday because being friends wasn't something he wanted. It was too much for him to handle. After years of belittling me and making my life miserable, it would be too hard to change. It would be too difficult to trust each other and believe that we had finally put the past behind us—that we were different people who were able to be friends and not have to spend our time arguing and hurting each other.

One time, I wore my glasses to school because I had run out of my contacts and my new ones hadn't come in yet, and although I didn't like wearing them, I didn't think I looked awful in them. But Zach did. And he wasn't scared to let me know it, either. He told me my eyes were always too big for my face, but with the glasses magnifying them, I looked like an alien-bug. I tried to ignore him since I always liked my eyes; I used to think they were my best feature. But being told they weren't, and that I didn't even look human because of them, was hard to brush off. I never wore my glasses in public again, even though my contacts hadn't come in for another two weeks. I walked around partially blind all because I was too insecure. Thanks to Zach.

Stuff like that doesn't go away, and it doesn't stop hurting even though you've moved on.

Did I really think that that guy was going to change? That we'd become friends and he'd never say stuff like that to me again? Did I really believe that he wanted things to change? As far as I could tell, I was the only one who ever felt hurt by our fights. Whenever I had said or done something to him, it never really fazed him. Sure, he'd get angry and deliver a blow even worse than my own, but he never seemed upset. And when I'd felt like shit because of him, he didn't even blink! Like he didn't even care. If our feud never bothered him, why would he even want it to end?

God, I was such an idiot. To honestly think that Zachary Goode and I could be friends after the past three years of fighting was insane. And to actually fall for him after all the god awful things he'd done to me during that time was just complete foolishness.

I was a fucking fool to let my guard down so quickly. I basically handed him the chance to break my heart. I'm just happy we never got that far, otherwise—

"Earth to Cam."

I snapped back, happy to be away from whatever torture-ville la-la-land I had drifted off to while thinking about Zach.

"Were you even listening to me?" Macey asked, shoving her hand into her hip and narrowing her gaze.

"Um, yes?" I lied, not even sure how long I had been distracted.

I knew she didn't believe me by the look she gave, but she rolled her eyes and dropped it anyway. "You know, you've been doing that a lot lately," she stated, picking up her remote and turning the TV off.

"Doing what?"

"Spacing. Zoning out. Getting distracted." She smirked and told me, "I think someone has a new crush."

I froze for a moment, the panic clearly written across my face. She couldn't know. No one knew! But Macey wasn't just anybody—she was Queen of Gossip. She always found out the truth when she wanted to.

Seeing my panicked expression, she smiled wider. "Oh my God, you do!" she exclaimed excitedly. "Who is it?"

"Uh, don't worry about it. It's nothing," I told her, somehow managing to sound casual. As if it really was nothing.

Macey opened her mouth to argue, just like I knew she would, but I wasn't going to deal with her interrogation. Especially not when it involved her cousin.

"But—"

"Just drop it, Mace," I told her harshly. "Nothing's ever gonna happen anyway."

Why does that make me feel so sad? I shouldn't want something to happen. Not with him. For many, many reasons.

"Why not?" she frowned, her forehead wrinkling.

"Because he's someone I'm not supposed to like, and who I probably shouldn't be getting involved with," I answered. I must've really wanted to be caught, because telling that to Macey, of all people, was like writing it on a sign and hanging it around my neck.

Her face transformed slowly, realization dawning on her. "Oh my God," she exclaimed, and I wished I didn't have to be on the receiving end of her disappointed face. Her voice dropped an octave lower as she whispered, "It's Lucas, isn't it?"

A rush of emotions hit me at once, but I tried not to let any of them show. How could she think I liked Lucas?! Although, it was a good thing she did instead of thinking I liked Zach. But still, Lucas?! As naïve and foolish as it was to like him, I couldn't tell her I didn't because her next guess just might be her cousin. And I couldn't risk it.

But admitting to crushing on Lucas was so not going to happen.

"Seriously, Macey, I don't want to talk about this," I told her instead. It was the truth, after all.

"That's why you were thanking him today!" she continued like I hadn't even spoken. "It had nothing to do with him saving Zach. You just wanted an excuse!" I could see the wheels turning in her head, and I watched as pieces I didn't know existed actually fell into a logical place.

Just my luck…

"Oh, no. This is not good," she mumbled to herself. "Cammie, promise me nothing will happen between you and Lucas."

Another promise? You have got to be kidding me!

"Wow, Mace. You really like controlling my love life, don't you?" I asked, suddenly irritated.

"What?"

"First, you made me promise to not get involved with Zach, and now you're making me promise the same with Lucas. Is there anyone I'm allowed to like?"

"Yeah, sure. Anyone but those two," she said like it was obvious.

I'm not sure what I'd call the look I was giving her just then, but it wasn't pretty. Half-pissed, yet half-disheartened by her lack of ability to see how angry her promises were making me.

"Look," she sighed, as if explaining herself was like talking to a child. "You might think I'm being controlling, but it's for your own good. Lucas is a disgusting pig who enjoys taking advantage of and exploiting girls."

"And Zach?"

She sighed again, but this time, because she didn't want to have to say what she was about to. "I love my cousin, I really do. But he doesn't have the best track record with girls."

I started to argue that he had been with Aubree for over two years, but she cut me off, probably already aware of my argument.

"You've only known him when he was with Aubree, and I'll admit, for a brief time, I thought that maybe he had turned over a new leaf and found the one. But even she ended up brokenhearted, just like all the other girls."

I wondered if she knew that Aubree had cheated on him, and that she was the one who broke his heart—not the other way around. But if she had known, Aubree probably wouldn't be alive to feel brokenhearted, courtesy of Macey herself.

She must've read the look of skepticism on my face, because she continued, "That first promise was to keep you from making a terrible mistake. This one is to prevent you from making the biggest mistake of your life. Your first time should be with someone you truly love and who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Not a scumbag like Lucas."

For a moment, I had forgotten that this conversation wasn't about Zach, but about my supposed crush on Lucas. The fact that the two so easily crossed lead me to believe that she thought, on some level, that Lucas and Zach were similar. The thought kind of scared me, because I couldn't say it hadn't crossed my mind, either.

"I'm just looking out for you, Cam," Macey finished, giving me a small, saddened smile. "I don't want to see you get hurt."

The unspoken ending to her statement danced around in my head.

She didn't want to see me get hurt...by Lucas or by Zach.

Too late.

Apologies for how long it took me to get this up. For some reason, this story is getting harder to write... harder to write well, at least. I hope you all are still enjoying it and that it's not becoming boring or redundant or whatever.

Cammie and Zach have each come to the conclusion that they are never going to be friends. What are all of your thoughts on that?! I bet some of you are pissed...but hey, there's gotta be come conflict! Lol.

As always, let me know what you'd like to see, and thanks for being patient with me! I'm really trying to make this story great, and I know I drop the ball on that sometimes, but for the most part I spend all my time trying to think of what will make it awesome and that takes time, unfortunately :/...

Stay awesome, everyone! Your reviews are what make me want to continue, and I can't thank y'all enough for your support (: