Chapter 12

{Cammie}

I was trying to focus on my homework, something I'd been doing every night this past week to keep my mind off a certain boy. The most aggravating part about all this drama was that there was no reason to be so obsessed with Zach. We kissed a few times and I told him the secret about my dad. That was pretty much the extent of our new relationship, if you could even call it that. Other than that, we argued and fought and pushed each other away. There was no reason to be obsessing over him.

But I was, and that's why I had focused more on my homework in the past few days than I ever had in my entire life. It was starting to be exhausting.

"Knock-knock."

I turned away from my math book for the first time in over an hour and saw my dad entering my room. Just seeing him made me want to smile. He'd been home for almost a week straight and he wasn't scheduled to fly out for another ten days. Two and half weeks with my dad—that was some kind of record.

"Hey, bug. Whatcha doing?" he asked as he walked over to where I was sitting at my desk.

"Homework."

"On the weekend?" he asked, scrunching up his face like he smelled something foul.

"Life doesn't hit pause just 'cause it's the weekend, Dad," I told him, rolling my eyes as I spoke.

With a small chuckle, he said, "That's my responsible little girl," and then kissed my head.

I tried to give him a convincing smile, but even I could feel it lacking luster. It'd been hard to conjure up real happiness the past few days when all my thoughts revolved around something so stressful—despite how often I told myself it didn't make sense to fixate on what happened with Zach and me because nothing happened.

"Well, that's not a pretty face," my dad said, noticing my failed attempt at a smile. "What's got you down?"

"Nothing, Dad."

"I thought your mom and I taught you better than to lie." He folded his arms across his chest like he was scolding me, but I knew he was just giving me a hard time.

I sighed. I didn't want to talk to my dad about Zach, but no one else knew about us, so he was really my only option. Besides, I didn't have to tell him anything specific.

Reluctantly, I asked, "Is it possible to do something that's for the better in the long run, but is completely screwed up in the now?"

"Oh, no. What'd you do?" he asked, almost as if he didn't want to hear my answer but knew he had to because he was the parent.

"It's just hypothetical, Dad," I told him, hoping to alleviate some of the awkwardness from divulging into my love life with my father.

"Cammie-bug," he started, giving me a knowing smirk, "nothing is ever hypothetical with teenage girls."

A small smile crept across my face and a soft snort escaped. Leave it to Dad to make me laugh during a serious conversation.

"I made a decision that I thought was right," I explained, choosing to be more forthcoming because, like I said, I didn't have anyone else to talk about this with. "A decision that was supposed to fix things for good. But how can it fix things in the future if, right now, it completely ruined everything?"

He nodded, taking in my words and contemplating his response. "You wanna know the best thing about being human?"

"We don't get hunted in the wild?" I asked, purposely being stubborn.

"Even when you're sad, you still have a mouth on you," my dad tsked at me.

"I get that from you," I teased him, and, by how he looked at me, I could tell he didn't care for it. "Okay, fine. What's the best thing about being human?"

He gave me a soft smile, and answered, "We're allowed to make mistakes."

I realized, for the first time, that I hadn't considered what had happened to be a mistake until now. To me, it was just a big mess that I needed to figure a way out of. But calling it a mistake means there's a way to solve it—a way to go back to how things were before.

But what exactly was the mistake? Trying to push Zach into being friends and getting personal too soon, eventually scaring him off? Or telling him that we didn't have to be friends because I knew it was hard for him, even though being friends was, ultimately, what I always wanted? Or was it even before all that, coming up with the plan to kiss our problems away? Was this entire arrangement the mistake? No matter which one it was, could I even fix it? Did Zach even want it fixed?

"What if someone else is involved?" I asked my dad. "I mean, people's emotions are unpredictable. It's almost impossible to figure out how to fix things with someone else."

"Is this about a boy?" my dad asked, narrowing his eyes at me. "'Cause I'm not about to give you boy advice."

"He's just a friend, Dad." If you could call Zach that. Not only were we not speaking at the moment, but I didn't want to be just friends.

Either I was a horrible liar, or my dad was just as perceptive as Ryan, because it was obvious he didn't believe me. I shouldn't have been surprised, though. All my life, I couldn't get away with a lie to my parents.

He looked at me for a while, and then he sighed. "It's not impossible to mend a broken relationship, Cammie-bug," he said softly. Then he patted my hands and gave me a soft smile, adding, "That doesn't mean it's easy, though. But then again, nothing of value ever is."

::*::*::*::

{Zach}

As much fun as watching Ryan and Jonas play videogames was, it wasn't keeping my mind distracted like I hoped. Nothing ever did these days. More often than not, I thought about Cammie.

Cammie laughing and smiling like we had the rest of our lives to worry about how fucked up the real world is and we only had right now to enjoy ourselves.

Cammie mouthing along to whatever she was reading while she studied in class, not knowing I was watching.

Cammie's body underneath mine while I ran my hands all over her soft skin, relishing in her small moans of appreciation from my touch.

Cammie's look of betrayal when I ran out on her last Sunday after she confided in me.

Cammie telling me she didn't want to be friends because she thought that's what I wanted to hear, the wounded look in her eyes when I didn't correct her.

Every vision of Cammie flooded my thoughts at every waking hour of the day—good and bad ones. It was driving me completely fucking insane.

The doorbell rang, but no one bothered to move. Even Grant, who was making his third sandwich since we showed up an hour ago, was pretending to be too busy to answer the door.

When it rang again, without looking away from the screen, Ryan ordered, "Hey, Zach. Go get the door."

"Not my house, not my problem," I told him, slumping even further into the couch.

"My house, my rules," he said, successfully pushing me off with one swift kick, all the while still concentrating on the videogame. "Door."

I got up, cursing him as I went down the hallway and opened the front door.

Aw, shit. No way is this fucking happening right now.

"Hey," Aubree said, looking as caught off guard as I felt. When I didn't say anything in response, she asked, "Can we talk?"

"Uh…sure." Calling back into the house, I yelled over my shoulder, "Hey, guys? I'll be right back."

I followed her outside, closing the door behind me, and we made our way down the street in silence.

Finally, she awkwardly smiled and said, jokingly, "Sorry to crash boys-night-in."

"How'd you know where I was?" I asked, suddenly realizing she had shown up at Ryan's house looking for me.

"I stopped by your place and your mom said you weren't home," she explained. Giving a small shrug, she continued, "You and your friends were always over here so I figured this would be the next best place to look."

"You remember that?" I asked, incredulously.

She snorted. "Of course I remember. We dated for two years. I'm sure you still remember some of my habits, right?"

Well, truth was, I didn't, but I wasn't going to tell her that. Instead, expertly avoiding having to answer her, I asked, "What did you want to talk about that was so important that you had to track me down at Ryan's place?"

Her smile faded and she slowed her pace to a stop in front of a random house. Looking me dead in the eyes, complete sincerity pouring out of her deep brown orbs, she told me, "I miss you, Zach."

I groaned internally, not wanting to have this conversation again. We'd had it twice already—once on the first day of school before soccer practice, and then that weekend when she called me a million times and came to my house after I ignored her—and nothing had changed since. We weren't getting back together. Not now, not ever.

When it looked like I wasn't going to say anything in return, she continued, "I think about you all the time. I think about how I hurt you, and I hate myself more and more every day for it. I'm so sorry. Cheating on you was the biggest mistake of my life."

She was being serious, which kind of weirded me out, if I was being honest. Never had I heard Aubree say things like that and actually mean them. But that didn't change the fact that she cheated on me, and I couldn't look past that betrayal and act like it never happened.

After a while of silence, I realized she was done speaking and was waiting for me to say something. I shook my head, looking for the right words, but failing. "What do you want me to say, Aubree? We've had this conversation before."

"I know, but—"

"No, Aubree. No but's. After what went down between us, I can't trust you," I explained, hoping she finally understood that we couldn't be together after the shit she pulled.

"I made a mistake," she said, her voice full of anguish and barley above a whisper. "Haven't you done something you whole-heartedly regret?"

Instantly, my mind went to Cammie. God, what didn't I regret about our relationship? It seemed like every damn thing I did to her was something I wished I could take back. "Of course I have."

"So you understand why I need to fix this, and why I'm trying so hard to apologize," Aubree continued with pleading eyes.

Apologize. That's what I hadn't tried with Cammie. I had been trying to fix my mistake with her the wrong way. I always thought that ignoring our history was the best way to move past it, but all that did was mask her mistrust. I tried explaining and defending my behavior last Sunday when I ran out on her, but she didn't want to hear my reasoning or my excuses.

What she wanted was an apology. That was how I should've fixed things with her. I should've told her I was sorry for not being truthful with her, and for running away, and for making her feel like shit more often than not. I should've told her I was sorry for everything, but instead, I hid behind excuses and lies. I didn't deserve her forgiveness after that, but I sure as hell was going to fight for it.

Pulling my thoughts away from winning Cammie back, Aubree grabbed my hand and looked up at me with desperation etched onto her stunning face. There was a slight hesitation before she spoke, and her voice had the smallest of quivers when she began. "I know things will probably never be the same between us, but do you think you will ever be able to forgive me?"

A part of me wanted to say no—that what she did was unforgivable. But if I wanted Cammie to forgive me for every awful thing I'd done to her, I had to put that karma out there first.

As much as I hated it, I squeezed her hand and said, "I forgive you, Aubree." She started to smile, relief washing over her face. But that changed quickly when I added, "But I can't be with you," as I dropped her hand.

"Why not?" she frowned.

"Because I have my own mistakes to fix."

I turned around and headed back towards Ryan's house, my thoughts racing as they focused on what I now knew I needed to do.

I didn't turn around when Aubree yelled after me (five times, I may add). I just ignored her as I hurried back and barged through the front door.

"Hey, man. What was all that about?" Jonas asked as I entered the family room where he and Ryan were still playing their dumb videogame.

I wasn't trying to be a dick, but I didn't have time to explain, so I just didn't answer. Instead, I sat down next to Ryan and grabbed the controller out of his hands.

"Dude?" he protested.

"Sorry," I told him, even though I wasn't. I had a plan to solve everything with Cammie, and Ryan had said it once before that I wasn't going to be able to pull this off alone. "I need your help with something."

::*::*::*::

{Cammie}

"I don't get any of this," Ryan whined, dropping his open text book into his lap. Upon his request, I was helping him study since Chemistry didn't seem to be his strong suit, and after spending mere minutes tutoring him, it was quite clear he wasn't going to grow up to be a scientist. "Why do I have to know the atomic weight of all the elements? When am I even gonna use it?"

"On the test next week," I teased him.

His eyes grew wide and he sat up straighter. "There's a test next week?" he asked, panic etching every inch of his face and drenching every word

I laughed, enjoying watching him squirm. "You're probably never going to need it in real life after school, but for this class it's necessary," I advised him.

He sighed and slumped back, sinking into the cushions of his couch in a huff. "Let's take a break," he suggested, pushing his book onto the floor and standing up quickly.

"Seriously?" I asked from the floor where I was reading my Chem book. "We just started."

He gave me a pointed look and reached out his hand for me to take.

"Okay, fine. Let's take a break," I reluctantly agreed, taking his hand and allowing him to pull me to my feet. "I'll make us some sandwiches."

Ryan followed me into his kitchen, grabbing ingredients from the fridge and handing them over to me. While I began assembling our food, he leaned against the counter and watched me with knowing eyes.

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime of him just staring, he said, "So, I talked to Macey the other day."

I wanted to groan in frustration, but I refrained. I tried to play it off like I had no idea what he was talking about, and nonchalantly, asked, "Talked to her about what?"

He chuckled, and I knew he saw through me. "You know what," he told me. "Apparently, you have a crush on Lucas?"

This time, I did groan. I couldn't help it, I was so annoyed—with myself, with Macey, and with the whole stupid situation. Frustrated, I mumbled to myself, "Why does she have such a big mouth?"

"Really, Cam? Lucas?" he asked, a cross between a look of disappointment and disgust formed on his face as he watched me continue to make our sandwiches, albeit a little more aggressively than before.

I avoided his eyes as I thought through how I should respond and what I should tell him. I couldn't tell him the truth for the same reason I couldn't tell Macey the truth—if they knew I wasn't crushing on Lucas, then they'd start to wonder who it was that had me so obsessed, and they just might happen to assume it was Zach.

"It's none of your business, Ryan," I snapped at him. I reached over for a slice of ham and he grabbed my arm, stopping it in its tracks.

"I know you don't have a crush on Lucas," he told me sternly. "What I don't know is why you didn't just tell Macey that."

I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face. "Because I'm an idiot," I whined.

Again, he just watched me the way Ryan always did when he was trying to read into something, and I wished I could read his mind as easily as he seemed to read everyone else's. Maybe then I'd know how he seemed to know everything with just a look.

Leaning against the counter again, he quickly changed the subject. "Hey, you coming to movie night tomorrow?" he asked, his voice much lighter than before.

I had been avoiding this topic with everyone all week because I still hadn't decided if I was going to go. It was one thing to avoid Zach at school, but it was damn near impossible to do so when the group was all together. "Uh, yeah. Maybe," I told him, trying to keep my voice even, although I knew it was no use when it came to Ryan.

"Yeah and maybe are two different answers," he pointed out, calling me on my bullshit response. "So, which is it?"

"Maybe," I told him truthfully. "Who's all going?"

He gave me a weird look, like he couldn't believe I just asked that, and I couldn't blame him. Movie night was tradition within our group—who did I think was going to be there?

"Oh, you know, just some people you may have heard of," he started, being more of a jackass than was necessary. "Bex, Liz, Grant, Macey, Declan, Jonas, Hannah, me of course…"

I rolled my eyes at his annoying sarcasm that I didn't appreciate.

"Oh, and him," he added, nodding his chin in the direction behind me.

I jerked my head around, my spine straightening in shock.

Zach Goode stood there in Ryan's living room with his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans, the sleeves of his black shirt rolled up to the elbows. When our eyes locked, he greeted me with a small tilt of his head and a timid half-smile.

My head was pounding. What the hell was going on? How did I not hear him come in through the front door? And why was he here to begin with?

I spun back towards Ryan, hoping to get an answer from him without having to ask him out loud.

He must've seen the confusion on my face, because he nodded towards the boy behind me again and said, "Looks like you two need to talk." He went to leave to give us space, but I grabbed his arm as he passed and stopped him.

"You knew?" I asked him in a hushed whisper, finally able to see what was going on.

He smirked, and that was all the confirmation I needed.

A brief moment of relief washed over me, but it was quickly replaced by fear. If Ryan knew, that meant others might know, too, and the next person to have the ability to sniff out a secret was the last person I wanted to know about Zach and me. "Does Macey know?" I asked with a small hint of panic.

His smile faded and he shook his head.

The relief was back, but again, it only lasted a moment.

Ryan's concerned face was enough to make my blood run cold. "Some advice, Cam. Make sure you know what you're doing. Be careful, okay?" he told me, his voice grave and somber.

"We will," I promised. "Macey's never gonna find out."

"That's not what I'm talking about," he corrected, and the look he gave me was one even I could read clearly.

He was trying to warn me about developing feelings for Zach, or at the very least, warn me about how to handle them.

"Don't worry," I told him. "It's not real, Ryan."

"Are you sure about that?"

For once, I'd like to be able to tell a convincing lie. Is that too much to ask? How the hell could he see that I had already started to fall for Zach? I wouldn't even admit it to myself, so how the hell could he catch onto it?! Damn Ryan for knowing everything, and for calling me out on my lies when I needed to believe they're the truth.

"I know what I'm getting myself into," I admitted. "I'll be fine." I was more determined to make sure that one was true.

Looking over my shoulder, he sighed and shook his head, like I wasn't understanding what he was trying to tell me. He took a step closer to me, his mouth right next to my ear, and whispered, "It's not just you I'm worried about."

::*::*::*::

Ryan walked away, and I wanted to strangle him with my bare hands. You can't just tell me to be careful with my feelings, and that the boy I have said feelings for may have them, too, and then leave me alone with said boy! Oh, I should've strangled him when I had the chance. But I couldn't because I was in shock and couldn't move. Not even when he was gone and Zach was taking his place in front of me.

I looked up at him, unsure of what to say, or if I should say anything.

"Hey," he started, looking down at me like I was a lion about to pounce and he was a gazelle. For the first time ever, he was nervous. Good. At least I wasn't the only one uncomfortable.

"Hi," I greeted back, wrapping my arms around myself and rubbing out the goosebumps that covered me. Even when I knew it shouldn't, my body still reacted to him with such desire.

He hesitated, taking a deep breath before swallowing away his nerves. "I'm sorry, Cam," he said, and I could hear how uneasy being vulnerable was making him.

"What?" I asked in shock. I was expecting him to try to charm his way out like I'd seen him do a million times before. I had even prepared myself for all his little tricks so that they wouldn't work on me this time. But I hadn't prepared for him to apologize.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "For everything I've ever said and done to you. I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been a real jackass to you. Like, just an awful person," he said, trying to relieve some of the tension from the seriousness of his words. "And I've always known that, but it wasn't until recently that I realized how wrong it was."

"How recent?" I asked, my gut telling me I already knew the answer.

I didn't think it was possible for him to look any more uncomfortable, but I guess it was because his face twisted and he almost looked like he was in pain while looking me in the eyes. "Last Sunday."

When he ran out on me. That's why he freaked out? Because he realized what a jerk he'd been to me all those years?

He started speaking again, but this time, he sounded more frantic, like his thoughts were getting mixed up and were all over the place. "It's just that you were looking at me like I was your hero because you could trust me with the secret about your dad, which by the way, isn't that big of a deal. I mean, we all know he's gone a lot, and we don't talk about it. What makes you think that's gonna change just because we know his profession?"

He shook his head as if trying to clear all the jumbled thoughts away and get back to why he was here, apologizing to me in Ryan's kitchen when we hadn't even spoken in eight days. "But that's beside the point. The point is…I don't deserve to be your hero," he finished, his eyes defeated and his voice touched with sadness.

For some reason, his confession made me feel a sense of gloom, too.

"At least I didn't deserve to be," he corrected himself. "I don't want to be that guy anymore. I want to be the guy that deserves to be looked at like…Well, like how you're looking at me right now."

I didn't know how I was looking at him, but there was a glimmer of hope on his face that told me my face was telling all sorts of secrets he wasn't supposed to know. I turned away, praying he couldn't see the blush that was rising to my cheeks. "I don't understand. What changed?" I asked him, confused more than ever on what was happening between us. "You ran off Sunday because I was looking at you like a hero, and now you're saying that's what you want?"

He nodded, laughing nervously. "Yes. The goal was for us to become friends. That was the deal I made because that's what I wanted. But I fucked it up. So, now I'm trying to fix it," he explained, his eyes begging me to listen. "I'm sorry for running out, but I never meant to hurt you. I swear."

My traitorous body tingled with excitement at his words, but my brain was telling me not to trust it. A mix of elation and anxiety built up within me, and I didn't know which emotion to trust more. "Zach," I started with a sigh, "I'm sorry, I know you're trying to change or whatever, but that doesn't erase our history. How can I trust that history won't repeat itself?"

Despite my obvious distress, Zach still smirked at me. "Cammie, you can't live in the past," he said with that Goode charm I was worried he'd use against me.

"I'm not. I'm thinking about the future," I argued, resisting the natural attraction my body had for him. "About what could happen if we continue down this road."

"Either way, you're not enjoying the present," he disputed. "It's always scary taking risks, but I think our friendship might be worth this one."

I searched his face for a reason not to believe in his sincerity—for the tiniest hint of a lie. But nothing. He meant what he said, and a reluctant smile tugged on my lips. He was right—if I constantly worried about what might happen in the future, or I never let go of the past, I wasn't living and enjoying what was happening in the present. And with Zach looking at me like all he wanted was to reach out and pull me to him, I really wanted to enjoy the present.

"Maybe if you say it one more time, I'll forgive you," I teased him, taking a small step forwards to where our bodies were within touching distance.

He laughed softly. Looping his arms around my middle, he closed the space between us and drew me into his muscled chest. His nose skimmed across my cheekbone and he hovered his lips gently over mine, but he didn't kiss me. "I'm sorry," he repeated one last time.

This time, I laughed softly. "All right. I guess we can work on our issues," I teased with an over-exaggerated sigh.

"You guess?" He nipped at my bottom lip, playing with me with a tiny sting from where his teeth dug into my flesh.

"Okay, okay, you win," I giggled. "I forgive you."

He thrusted his hand into my hair, holding me tight against him. "Much better." He dipped his head and captured my mouth with his, his tongue gaining access almost immediately. My body tingled with goosebumps and my heart pound hard against my ribcage. God, I loved kissing this boy.

Zach must've been able to feel my body's reaction to him, because he chuckled against my lips before pulling back. "Nervous?" he asked, his mouth brushing against mine.

I shook my head, and for the first time, I told him how I truly felt. "Excited," I told him truthfully. Then I reached around his neck and pulled him closer, lacing our mouths together again.

"Okay, no more making out in my kitchen," Ryan's voice echoed from the living room, a hint of teasing laced in with his seriousness. "Seriously, that's where we make our food."

I giggled into Zach's shoulder, hiding my embarrassed face from Ryan, and I could feel Zach's body vibrate from his laughter as he hugged me to him.

"We're leaving, don't worry," he told Ryan as he ushered me through the house and towards the front door.

As we exited the house, me feeling completely mortified and yet still able to find the humor in the totally humiliating situation, I heard Ryan yell behind us, "Hey, Cam! Thanks for the sandwich!"

Ho. Ly. Crap. This one took me forever! I feel like I say that for every chapter lol. But seriously guys, I tried so hard to get a lot of stuff packed into this one because I didn't want to keep y'all waiting any longer for Zach and Cammie to make up, but because I didn't want to drive up the word count, it took me a while to figure out how to say what I wanted with as little words as possible.

But I hope y'all liked it anyway! Let me know what you guys thought about this chapter and where you want to see their relationship go for the upcoming ones! I know I'm going to get a lot of questions on this, so I'll tell you now, no they are not a couple. They simply came to an agreement that they could put the past behind them and let the pieces fall where they may. They're not going to try to control things so much anymore, so here's really where things kind of lighten up and they start enjoying each other's company instead of trying to protect themselves (:

Thanks for reading, and thanks to all who review! It means a lot (: Stay awesome guys ((:

Oh, and I hope y'all in the U.S. had an awesome Thanksgiving!