Disclaimer: Anything familiar belongs to JE and the creators of Criminal Minds.

Warning: Adult Language, Adult situations, smut

This chapter is dedicated to Vicki Snyder. I hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 67: Wednesday, August 31st, 1300-1500

Ranger's Estate

Stephanie's POV

I finish my appointment with Dr. Karen on a high note. I finally know what I want, and I also know how to express what I need from Carlos. I know that I must talk to him as soon as possible before I lose my nerve. I need to lay it all out for him; my fears, my needs, and my hesitation. The only way that we will have a chance at our someday is for me to be honest with Carlos about what I feel in my heart. I know that this conversation could be the end of us, but at least I can say that I gave it a try, that I was willing to work for 'us.' The ball will be in his court at the end of our discussion.

I finish closing and locking the door when I turn around to see Carlos descending the stairs.

"Babe, did you have a good session?" He asks me.

"Yes, Carlos, I did." I pause, giving myself a momentary pep talk before meeting Carlos' eyes. "We need to talk about us."

I see Carlos tense. Oh no, this isn't going to go the way I hoped that it will go. Maybe I should just forget about talking to him and wait for Dr. Karen to mediate the discussion. Before I can say never mind, Carlos asks, "where do you want to talk?"

"On our balcony," I reply. Hmp, our balcony. I realize that I think of this house, this home, as ours, not as his house. I feel more at home here in fifteen days than I ever did at Morelli's. Come to think of it, I feel the same way about Carlos' penthouse in Trenton. I hope he doesn't make me leave. We make the quiet ascent to the second floor, and out onto our balcony. I can tell that Carlos wants me to sit with him, on his lap, but I can't. I need some distance from him if I'm going to be able to tell him everything I need from him. I hope he isn't getting the wrong message. We both sit, and the silence is awkward and thick.

"What do you want to talk about, Stephanie?" Carlos asks, with his blank face firmly in place. Shit, he's calling me Stephanie, not Babe. I need to word this right.

"Carlos, I've been thinking a lot over the last few days about what I want, what I need. My heart knows where it belongs, but my head is having difficulty allowing my heart to get what it wants." Carlos starts to interrupt me, but I put my finger on his lips. "You need to let me get it all out first before you talk. Otherwise, I may not be able to say what I need to say."

I watch as Carlos nods his consent.

"I have not had any luck with boyfriends. I seem to always pick the loser, the bad boy, the ones who inevitably break my heart and my spirit. I allow others to control me, to tell me what is best for me. It is why I'm so fiercely independent. It is also why I refuse your assistance so often.

"My first encounter with the opposite sex was with Joe when I was six, in his father's garage. I know that you are aware that he fingered me. It was wrong, but I was the one punished because I allowed him to touch me because I didn't listen to my mother and was alone with one of those Morelli boys. Then, ten years later, he stole my virginity from me on the floor of Tasty Pastry behind the éclair case. I think I'm finally starting to see that incident for what it was, rape. However, I was too naïve, too blind, and too weak to see it as rape then. I had a huge crush on Joe, all the girls did. He was sexy, the bad boy. His smile could melt you. He was a quarterback for the football team. He dated the Captain of Cheerleading square, Terry Grizoli. They were King and Queen of the prom, and Homecoming King and Queen. They were the epitome of cool. They were what everyone wanted to be. When Joe entered the Tasty Pastry that night for cannolis, there was no way for me to know that he would change the course of my life.

"He told me he was leaving for the Navy, that his mother was throwing him a goodbye party. He said that he regretted not dating more in high school, that he regretted spending all his time with Terry. Joe said that he hoped that he could get to know me better when he returned and asked if I would wait for him and write to him. I was flattered at his attention. I assured him I would. That was when he came behind the counter after locking the door. He kissed me. He was my first kiss. I was enjoying the kissing. Then, his hands were roaming my body, touching me, feeling me. Joe caressed my breasts, and I felt my body reacting, but not understanding what was happening. He started to take off my shirt, and I told him to stop. He said that he could make me feel better, that I should trust him. Then, he kissed my breasts. I couldn't help my body's reaction, the moan that escaped my lips. He took those sounds as my consent. When he unbuttoned my jean shorts, I once again asked him to stop, but when his lips touched me, I became undone. I know I asked him to stop several times when he entered me, but he continued, and after a few minutes, my body betrayed me. I stopped protesting. So, I guess I did consent.

"When I went home that night, I felt excited, scared, and bewildered. I was excited because I had sex for the first time, and it wasn't that horrible, it didn't hurt like they said it would. I was scared because I really wasn't ready for sex. I was still hoping on saving myself for marriage. Then, I was bewildered because I didn't know if our act meant we were in a relationship. Before I could sort through my feelings, Joe's poems became Burg knowledge, and I was once again punished for being a whore and a slut. When I discovered I was pregnant, I thought my world was going to end. But God saved me, making me miscarry."

I pause in my story to gather my thoughts and to see Carlos' reaction. I see the anger in his eyes, not at me, but at Joe. I also see understanding and sympathy. I take another deep breath and continue.

"Thanks to Joe's poems, I didn't date anyone in high school. The boys were either afraid to encroach on Joe's 'property,' or they only wanted me because they thought I was easy. I was miserable. Finally, when I got to college, I was able to date. I met a few guys, dated several, but they all ended quickly when the guys discovered I wasn't willing to sleep with them. Then I met Brian. I thought he was different. He didn't try to push me, he never seemed to get angry at me for not wanting to go beyond third base. I was starting to consider sleeping with Brian. I thought I was finally ready, then he raped me with his 'brothers.' This time, I screamed, I fought, my body didn't betray me. I never gave consent, not even veiled consent. When Brian showed me the tape the next morning, I was physically sick. I couldn't believe that this man who I thought I was in love with, would do that to me.

"Dickie was then pushed further into my life. He seemed like a good guy. I thought he respected my desire to wait for our wedding night, but once we got engaged, he started to push me more. I finally relented, and he would fuck me whenever he felt like it. After we married, he started to force anal sex on me. I tried to resist, but he would get angry and hit me. So, I started to allow him to do what he wanted. I tried to explain about the rape, but he didn't want to hear about any of my previous 'lovers.'

"When we divorced, I swore off men. I met Tom shortly after that. He was good for me. Thanks to him, I started to build faith in males of the species again. But then he had to return home to California, and that was the end of us. When Joe reentered my life, I refused to even consider allowing him to into my personal space. But I soon relented, especially after my mother practically had us engaged with a date set. I could never commit to Joe because I could never trust him.

"He tried anal sex with me several times. I explained that I didn't like it, that I couldn't do it, but he would still occasionally try to sneak his penis into my ass. Joe would claim he slipped. After finding out about his infidelity, I'm done with him.

"So, Carlos, thanks to my wonderful exes, I am having a hard time believing that you love me, that you want me. I so desperately want to believe that everything you say is true, but you've told me many times that your life doesn't lend itself to relationships, that you'd give me a child, that your love doesn't come with a ring, but a condom would come in handy. You have never lied to me in the past, but now you are saying you lied. How do I know that what you are saying is true?

"I'm afraid, Carlos. I'm afraid that the sex between us won't be good enough for you. Brian, Dickie, and Morelli all told me that I was too vanilla, that I wasn't that great in bed. That was why they needed to cheat, that's why they took from me, they had to make it more exciting. I'm afraid that I'm not attractive enough. Carlos, I watch women when we are out together, they fawn over you, they walk into walls and drop things. Any one of those women would gladly take my place by your side. How long will it be until you decide that they would look better next to you than me? How long until you decide that my hair is too crazy, my breasts too small? I'm afraid that you will think I'm too much effort. You have always rescued me in the past, and my life is often a disaster. I get thrown in the garbage regularly. When will it be too much for you? Finally, I'm afraid that one day, you'll cheat on me. If that were to ever happen, you would break me. I would never be able to recover from you betraying me." I finish telling Carlos my fears, now it's time for me to tell him how I feel about him and my conditions.

"Carlos, I love you, with all of my heart and my soul. You are the only man for me, and I want to spend the rest of my life by your side and in your arms. However, I need to trust you. I need you to agree to a few conditions before I can give my heart to you. Number one; use the proper entrance. Number two; if you want to explore new things, you need to discuss it with me ahead of time. You need to explain what you will be doing. You need to let me decide if I'm comfortable. Number three; you need to respect what I want. If I ever ask you to stop, you need to stop immediately. Number four; we are exclusive. You will not kiss, touch, or flirt with anyone else. You are mine. Cheating is inexcusable and an immediate end to us. I know I'm not one to talk, considering all of our stolen kisses over the years, but those are my conditions." I am finished talking, and I laid everything out on the line. Now it's up to Carlos to decide if I'm worth it if he can live with my conditions. I am watching his body language carefully, and I see him relax measurably. Maybe he's okay with everything I just said.

"Babe, Querida, I love you, with all my heart and soul. You are my other half, my better half. You are my soulmate. I can't live without you. I spent my run this morning formulating different plans to keep you here if you decided to leave me. I don't want to ever sleep without you in my arms or wake up alone. You are my reason for living, for breathing, for surviving. I can't survive, I can't live without you, Stephanie Plum.

"I know I fed you a lot of bullshit over the years, and it is all partially true. My life doesn't lend itself to relationships, even more so when I said it. At that time, the government still owned me. I'm still under contract with them, but my days of "going in the wind" as you call it are over. Now, I'll only be involved in stateside planning and training exercises. I will no longer be put in danger. I still wear two guns and a knife, and I still have a lot of enemies. You will always be in danger, being with me, but you have proven that you can handle yourself. Besides, you've been kidnapped, hurt, and stalked without it having anything to do with me. You need training, Babe, and you need to take your safety seriously for us to work. You need to accept the trackers, the bodyguards, and the need for me to know where you are. I promise I won't abuse that knowledge, but I need you to be safe. I can't lose you, Stephanie.

"As far as your conditions, let me address each one. First off, while I have penetrated some of my partners anally, it was at their request. I'm not really into anal sex, but if you ever wanted to try it, I would for you. Secondly, I would never push you. Yes, Babe, there are a lot of different things that I would like to try with you, positions to increase your pleasure and to prolong our mutual pleasures, but I promise I will talk to you about it ahead of time, explaining what I'd like to do and why. Thirdly, I will never, ever force myself on you. I can't promise to always be gentle, but I can promise to always stop if you ask me to. Finally, you are mine. I don't share, and I will not share you with anyone else. Cheating is inexcusable. You will not kiss, touch, or flirt with anyone else either, as we are exclusive. I will not put up with another man doing what I did while you and Morelli were dating.

"Babe, as far as your fears, they are unfounded with me. I love you, every part of you. Your crazy curls are perhaps my favorite, as they reflect your feisty personality. Your sapphire blue eyes are enticing, enthralling. Your body is perfect. Your legs go on for miles, and I love the way they wrap around me so easily. As far as your breasts, they are the perfect size for me. Big breasts may be fun to look at, but they don't feel as good in my hands or my mouth. Sex with you is always more than sex. In fact, we only had sex once, and that was the first time that you allowed me to have you. Every other time, we made love. I feel a connection to you, with you, that I've never felt with another woman. Babe, you are the only woman I've ever made love to, and the only woman I have had sex with since our first night together. I know I told you that I would ruin you for all men, but the truth is, you ruined me for all women. You are the only woman I want, the only woman I see when we are together. Those others only see my looks and infer my wealth based on my dress and car, but you see me, the man. If I go into those same establishments dressed the way I did the day we first met, they run away, scared of what I might do to them. You have always stood up to me, challenged me, and were never afraid of me. Babe, te quiero."

By the time Carlos finished his statement, I was crying in joy and extremely turned on, by his words and his gaze. He reached for me, and I willingly allowed him to pull me to him. I land on his lap, and Carlos kisses me. Our kiss is gentle but filled with love and passion. I move to straddle Carlos on the lounge chair, and he allows it, never letting our kiss break. When we need to breathe, he starts to trail kisses down my neck with his hands exploring under my shirt. I feel him undo my bra before he cups my breasts. He then starts to pull his shirt off my body.

"Carlos, wait, we're outside."

"No one can see us, Querida. I would never make love to you where others could see us."

"Are you sure they can't see us?"

"Yes, Babe, but if you want to go inside, we can."

I think about it for a moment, and the idea that others could somehow watch us is erotic. I feel my body reacting to that thought.

"No, we can stay," I tell Carlos before allowing him to remove my top and bra.

He wraps his mouth around my right breast, sending a flood of warmth straight to my center. He is playing with my left nipple with his finger, and my nails are scratching down his back. After a few minutes, he switches to my left breast. He lets his hand wander down into my pants. I step off him to remove my shorts and panties while Carlos removes his clothes. I go to straddle Carlos again, but he stops me.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes," I answer without hesitating.

"Sit on me, so your back is to me." I straddle him as he requested. "Line yourself up, and I'm going to enter you. From this position, I can go deeper, hitting your g-spot."

I comply with his commands and let out a moan as he completely fills me. "Oh, Carlos."

"Babe," he replies. I feel him starting to thrust against me as he pulls me back against his chest. His right hand is assaulting my breasts, pinching and twisting my nipples, while his left hand rubs my clit. His mouth is kissing the back and side of my neck. I turn my head to meet his mouth, allowing our tongues to battle. I feel my body starting to tense.

"Let it go, Babe, cum with me."

With that, he pinches my clit, twists my nipple, and marks my neck. The pain is enough to push me over the edge, and I feel my body shake with the release, and I feel Carlos' seed fill me. He continues pumping into me until the shaking subsides, still playing with my breasts and my clit. I feel my body start to build once again to another orgasm. I feel Carlos is ready to explode again too.

"Babe, the things you do to me. Only you, Babe, can make me so insanely hard again after filling you. Dios, I'm going to cum again." I feel my muscles tighten around him, and then we once again fall over that cliff. This time, once we both calm down, I remove myself from him. I immediately regret not having him inside me. I turn to face him, and Carlos stands up, carrying me to our bed. He sets me on my feet before pulling down the sheets. He places me in the bed, then climbs in next to me, covering us both.

Carlos lays on his back, as I rest my head on his chest, my body turned into him. "That was amazing, Carlos," I tell him.

"It was, Babe. I know you find it hard to believe, but I never did that before."

"You never used that position with another woman?"

"No, Babe, I never came like that, back to back, in the same position. Normally, when I would be with a woman, I'd give her a few orgasms, then fuck her. I'd get my release, bring her back down, then leave. If she fell asleep, I'd shower before leaving. If she didn't, I'd just walk out, return home and shower. I never wanted to spend more time with the woman than I had to so I could scratch my itch. Until you, the only other woman I ever fucked more than once in one night was Rachel, and that was only twice, once on the night we conceived Julie and then on our wedding night. I shipped out three days after we married and returned home barely in time for Julie's birth. Before Rachel was cleared for sex, I shipped out again, only to return to find her fucking someone else."

"I never would allow Morelli to take me from behind, I never trusted that he wouldn't try to enter the other way. I'm glad I didn't, because I know it was much better with you."

I feel my eyes drooping. This morning was very emotional for me. Before I let myself succumb to sleep, I say, "I love you, Carlos. You are mine."

"I love you too, Querida. I'm yours, and you are mine too. Te quiero, Babe."

TNTCE

A/N: I went back and forth a lot on whether or not to have Carlos and Steph do the deed now or later, but I decided after their mutual declarations of love, that Steph would be ready to be with Carlos. As we know, Carlos was getting ready to implode with desire, so had no problems getting on board. I also went back and forth about how the act would be completed. I chose the position I did because even though it was a new position for Steph, being on top, she'd have some semblance of control. It also allowed her to "test" Carlos' trust, which of course, he didn't break.

I was planning on holding out to after "date night," but I like it here some much better. As always, thank you, Susan, for all your help.