FATE/LÚNASA FÓMHAR

"August Harvest"

Chapter 6: Her True Thoughts

Connla had her eyes squeezed shut during the Rayshift, fearing that she and Cuchulainn Lancer would wind up in a completely different era from what he intended. She knew her feet were planted on firm ground, and that the air was nice and mild, but that was it.

"Hey," Cuchulainn urged. "What are you standing there for? Take a look around."

She became perplexed when she heard his calm voice, then opened her eyes. She discovered that they were at the outskirts of a familiar city in rural Japan.

"This is… Fuyuki…?" she breathed in surprise.

"Yeah. My memories aren't the greatest, but I seem to remember having a connection with this place. I also read that record of yours about Second Lancer being summoned here, so I thought this would be a good spot to hang out for today."

Connla was still too bewildered to take in what he was saying. She wasn't sure if this was the Fuyuki from her dream or a completely different one, but she couldn't believe she was actually here to experience it for herself. Not only that, the fact that he wasn't freaking out because they were in some unknown destination meant that Da Vinci's little bauble actually worked. She feel entirely confident about the experiment being 100% successful, but she felt a lot better knowing that she could potentially Rayshift without any danger of Aisling interfering.

Cuchulainn patted her back and said, "Hey, don't just stand there. Let's get going already."

"R-Right… So, where are we headed to?"

"Let's just walk around for a while. If there's a good fishing spot, we can buy some gear and bring some nice fish home. If not, we can just stop by a fishmonger's shop or something."

"You must be hunkering for fish, aren't you? Should we try a sushi shop then?"

"Ooh, that's a good idea! My belly's kinda rumbling, so that'll be a good start!"

With that, they walked into the city's business district and searched around for a good place to eat. They then found the shopping center Verde and did some window shopping until they discovered a sports store where Cuchulainn bought some basic fishing equipment. Connla was so overwhelmed by the vast amount of items for sale that she really couldn't decide what to buy for herself. She did wind up purchasing some advanced textbooks and novels at a bookstore, along with some candy as souvenirs for Jack and Nursery Rhyme.

At around one o'clock, the duo reached a quiet harbor and decided to set up their fishing stations here. Since Connla had never fished before, Cuchulainn eagerly instructed her on how to use her rod before they could settle in and enjoy the experience together. There wasn't anyone around to disturb them for around two hours, so they could take in the ocean breeze, the rolling waves in the distance, and the screeching seagulls circling high above them.

Their peaceful afternoon would soon be rudely interrupted when a third person arrived to claim a fishing spot on the opposite side of the pier. Connla wasn't bothered by it, but Cuchulainn's mood immediately soured once he recognized who the competition was.

"Um…" the young girl mumbled as she glanced aside at the other man. "C-Can I ask what you're doing here, Mr. Emiya?"

"Oh, don't mind me. Just need to top up Chaldea's fridge with some fresh catches," Emiya Archer said. He was garbed in a traditional fisherman's outfit, complete with a red vest and baseball cap that simply didn't suit him whatsoever. His expression was smug as he dabbed his ultra-modern 99% carbon, 16-ball-bearing, no-vibration, electric-reeling fishing rod along the water with the inadequacy of a total novice, yet he kept bringing in catch after catch. Even though Emiya had not been there as long as the Celts were, the number of fish in his bucket already far surpassed their combined totals.

"I don't think I'm the one you need to worry about," Connla muttered worriedly while staring at her grumpy father. She had every right to be nervous; the incredible tension boiling between both men had practically turned this peaceful harbor into a war zone, and she felt like she was some innocent bystander caught in the middle of a massive gunfight.

"So it would seem. Ah ha, there's my 16th amberjack today! I don't mean to brag, but how much have you two brought in?"

"Well, uh-"

"Shut up and get lost already, asshole," Cuchulainn snapped at Emiya.

The Archer laughed when he peered into their buckets, then exclaimed, "Ten mackerel and three amberjacks? I suppose that's the best an antiquated Luddite and a complete novice using old-fashioned techniques can hope to achieve. As for me… Oops, here comes number 17!"

"How many times do I have to tell you to shut up, you goddamn hipster!? You're scaring the fish away with your yodeling!"

"Feh. Isn't blaming others for your lack of talent beneath you, Lancer? Say, Connla, why don't you ditch that guy and learn what it means to be a real fisherman with me?"

"Uh, thanks but no thanks. I think I'll stay firmly seated here," she replied, fearful of how Cuchulainn would react if she accepted the offer. She then asked Emiya, "By the way, where did you get the money to buy something so expensive?"

"I didn't. I merely used Projection on a rod I saw in the shop. Can't go wasting Chaldea's funds carelessly now, can we?"

"I figured…"

"Here comes #18! Yahoo!"

Cuchulainn shouted, "If you don't shut that bloody trap of yours, I'll be more than happy to snag that flapping tongue of yours with the sharpest hook I've got!"

"Sounds like a challenge!" Emiya barked. "Although to be honest, your teamwork will inevitably be no match for my state-of-the-art equipment. I'm not even sure if I'm here to fish, or to just watch my latest toy do the work for me!"

"Right, right, go ahead and try catching all the fish in the harbor. Just don't blame me if I start calling you Angler instead of Archer."

"Ho ho! Well said, Lancer! To think that this will be the battlefield where the king of the harbor will be decided!"

Connla seemed to shirk in some invisible corner as she watched these two adults bicker like children, looking as if she wanted to say, "Is this for real?" She had this incredible urge to sneak away as quietly as she could, but she was trapped between them and couldn't escape without being seen. Mini-Cu, who was sitting on her shoulder the whole time, struggled to keep his chuckles to a bare minimum.

Cuchulainn snorted, clearly too irritated to continue arguing with the man in red. He then said to Connla, "Lesson Number One: don't ever take any advice from that guy. I don't want you growing up to become a weirdo like him, got it?"

"G-Got it…"

The two Servants decided at around six o'clock that they had enough fishing and departed the harbor, leaving Emiya to celebrate his obvious victory over Cuchulainn in this pointless competition. Connla didn't really care what happened between them, but she didn't want to say or do anything that would ignite their feud even further. Her patience was rewarded as her father finally gave up and took her away from the uncharacteristically giddy Archer.

"Ugh, damn bastard distracted me from showing you around town," Cuchulainn grumbled.

"That's okay," Connla assured. "So long as you were enjoying yourself, then I don't mind."

"I would have if that counterfeiting clod hadn't made the mistake of picking a fight with me."

"Don't worry about it. There will be plenty of more times for us to go out."

"Yeah, I guess so. Hm… Ah!?"

"What is it?"

"Now that I think about it, I needed to get a present for someone!"

"You mean the shopping mall didn't have what you wanted?"

"Uh, I mean… The thought just came to me right now."

"Then let's hurry back and-"

"No, no, no! I need to keep this a total surprise, even from you!"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Sorry, but could you wait for me here? I promise I won't be long!" Cuchulainn exclaimed as he dashed toward the mall, leaving Connla and Mini-Cu at a nearby bench. Along the way, he frantically thought, Damn it, I can't believe I forgot to get something nice for the kid! She was eyeing that really long novel series before but didn't want to buy it because it was so expensive. I should get it ASAP before the store closes!

He bounded around a corner and came to a sudden stop so he could look for a clock somewhere. He couldn't see one right away though, so he glanced at a nearby facility and muttered, "Maybe I'll just go in and ask…"

Unbeknownst to him, he had walked straight into a cabaret club.

Connla finished eating a sandwich she got at a convenience store, then yawned out of sheer boredom. She glanced up at the clock so many times that she had lost count. It was fast approaching 11 pm, and there still wasn't any sign of Cuchulainn coming back. She had spent the majority of the time reading through the math textbooks she bought earlier and solving difficult equations in some scrapbooks. It was a helpful diversion, but she couldn't shake off the feeling that something bad had happened to him.

"Hey," Mini-Cu implored while tugging her sleeve. "I really think we should be getting back now."

"I promised Father that I'd wait for him here," Connla replied, ever so stubborn about abiding to her vows.

"That bastard. Where the hell could he have run off too? He said he was going to get some kind of surprise gift, but it shouldn't take him this long to find it!"

"I hope he hasn't gotten himself into any kind of trouble. He really does have a penchant for getting involved in some outrageous situations, like what happened at the harbor."

"Hah. If anything, he's the one who causes the trouble in the first place. In my opinion, you're wasting your energy worrying about that lummox. Anyway, we'll wait here for one more hour, then we go back ourselves, got it? I'm not going to let you sit out here in the cold during the middle of the night."

"Okay," she said and remained seated on the bench.

"And then I said to him 'Shut up or I'll reel in that waggling tongue of yours'! Seriously, can you believe the nerve of that guy!? I was just trying to enjoy a relaxing afternoon, and that cocky bastard had to ruin it with his idiotic prancing!"

Cuchulainn, drunk on several bottles of expensive alcohol, was unloading all of his troubles upon the three hostesses that sat around him on the sofa. He originally wanted to know what the time was, but once the female manager asked if he wanted to spend some time there, he found it difficult to refuse the offer. If there was one thing he always enjoyed, it was being in the company of attractive ladies who would listen to what he had to say.

"Sounds like you've had it difficult. Let me make it up to you," one of the ladies remarked as she gently pressed her lips against his cheek. Normal hostess establishments didn't allow for physical contact between patrons and employees, but this was one of the few exceptions to that rule.

"Aww, thanks!" he smiled. "Competition can be fun, so long as the opposition doesn't purposely try to get on your nerves. Not only that, but that idiot had the gall to use a stolen rod! Can you believe it!?"

"Wow! How could he steal such a high-tech rod without anyone noticing?"

"Well, it's kind of complicated… Let's just say he's a habitual thief and leave it at that."

Another woman wondered, "If you knew that, why didn't you have him arrested?"

"Well," Cuchulainn scratched his head sheepishly. "I guess I could have. It's just that he's far too slippery for the authorities to catch, so I figured it was a waste of time. Trust me though; when the kid and I get back, I'll make sure he fesses up for his crime, even if I have to use violence."

"The kid? Did you mention that you had a kid with you?"

"Didn't I? I was showing my daughter the ropes, and-"

Suddenly, he stopped in mid-sentence, and his eyes shrunk into tiny dots. Intense panic seized his entire being as he remembered Connla, and he shot to his feet while screaming, "WAAA~AAAGGGH!?"

"W-What's the matter!?" the first lady yelped.

"M-M-My kid…! That's right, I was supposed to-! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! Sorry girls, but I need to cut this chat short! I need the bill right away please!"

"Sure…" the bewildered hostess murmured and went to get the receipt.

He looked over at the clock and discovered that it was approaching 10:45 pm. He grabbed his head with both hands and yelped, "Holy fucking shit! I can't believe I stayed this late! Oh god, what am I going to do now!? I left her waiting there this whole time!"

"You mean your daughter is waiting for you?" the third woman asked. "How old is she?"

"She's seven!"

"A seven-year old out this late!? She must be freezing by now! Or even worse, kidna-!"

"Don't say it! Just don't say it!"

The first lady heard the commotion and hurried back with the bill while uttering, "Here you go, sir. Your total is 40,000 yen."

"Forty thousand…! Shit!" he cursed as he peered into his wallet and found the stub that converted Chaldea's QP into real-world currency. He had his own card, but it wasn't enough to cover the tab. He had no choice but to use the second one that Connla entrusted to him earlier. At this moment, he felt like a lobster being submerged in boiling hot water as he reluctantly swiped both cards, then hurried out of the club to go look for her.

"Hmmn… Ah."

Connla realized that she had dozed off for the third time that evening. She yawned and rubbed her eyes before returning her attention to the math problem she was dealing with. The puzzles were so convoluted that she needed to spend time thinking about how to arrive at each solution, which wound up making her sleepy each time she was absorbed in her thoughts.

Where was I again? Right… "Let Z be the set of integers. Determine all functions, f: Z - Z such that, for all integers a and b, f(2a) + 2f(b) = f(f(a+b))." So the first thing I should do is to figure out a route that will take me from a to b. Then…

As she pondered on this equation, Mini-Cu kept his weary eyes trained on the clock, eagerly awaiting for midnight to come so he could get Connla out of there. Deep in the back of her mind though, she couldn't shake the small pang of anxiety she felt over worrying about where Cuchulainn was. She was sure he could take care of himself, but him being missing for so long was extremely unusual for him as well. She didn't want to leave him behind if she could avoid it, yet she promised Mini-Cu that they would head back should the clock hit midnight.

Luckily, she didn't need to worry for much longer. They heard a pair of footsteps running toward them frantically. Connla's heart soared when she saw Cuchulainn rushing to reunite with her, and she cried out, "Father!"

"Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, I'm so sorry, kiddo!" he gasped. "I, uh… I kind of lost track of time, and…"

Suddenly, Connla and Mini-Cu's expressions both soured the moment they made eye contact with him. Then the child Lancer frowned despondently and glanced away, while the living plushie became increasingly agitated. Cuchulainn didn't seem to notice as he blurted, "It took me a while to look around for any stores that had the item I was looking for, but-!"

"Shut up, you shithead," Mini-Cu snapped. "We already know you're lying."

"Wha-!? I'm telling you, that's exactly what happened!"

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really! What the hell would make you think otherwise!?"

Connla interrupted the squabble by sadly staring into Cuchulainn's eyes, then quietly pointed to the side where there was a reflective surface nearby. He was perplexed by her strange motions, but once he got a good look at his face, he instantly realized why they were so upset with him. His cheeks and chin were marked up with visible lip imprints of various lipstick colors, which he had completely failed to notice and wipe off before rejoining the others.

"Ooohhh…" he moaned in dismay.

Connla got up from the bench and murmured, "We should go back."

"Y-Yeah."

"You were holding on to my QP for me, right? Could I have it back now?"

"Uh… Well, the thing is…"

Mini-Cu bared his teeth and furiously scowled, "Don't tell me!"

"Well… yeah. I don't have it anymore."

"Huh?" Connla blinked. "What do you mean? Did it get stolen?"

"No. I, uh… had to use it… to pay off my tab…"

"Tab?"

"At the… cabaret club…"

She became even more forlorn than before, and she hung her head low while turning away from Cuchulainn before muttering, "I see."

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to-!"

She ignored him and headed for the summoning circle to Rayshift back to Chaldea. He smacked his forehead and yelped in agitation, knowing fully well he had royally screwed up. He couldn't blame her for refusing to listen to his excuses and half-baked apologies. He knew how hard she had worked to save up 50 million QP, and he carelessly wasted it on his night-life hobby while leaving her to sit there alone for far too long. He couldn't imagine how abandoned she must have felt in that moment. How was he supposed to make up for this tremendous blunder? That was all Cuchulainn could think about as he followed after Connla.

The two Servants re-emerged from the Spiritron Chamber and greeted Da Vinci with morose expressions plastered all over their faces. The inventor tried to liven the mood by chirping, "Hi there! You two were out pretty late. Did everything work out all right?"

Neither of them responded. Even someone as bubbly as her could read the atmosphere between the two Lancers, so she opted to quit faking a peppy attitude as she explained, "I have some good news. The anti-Aisling charm seems to have worked like, well… a charm. There was absolutely no outside interference that I detected, so I think my experiment is a resounding success."

"Mm," Connla murmured. "Thank you for going through the trouble."

"Oh, it was no trouble at all. Anything that challenges my intellect is most welcome. Oh, I should call him over before I forget."

"Him?"

"Fergus. He found out you two had gone out and was growing worried about how late it was for you, missy."

Cuchulainn anxiously squeaked under his breath as Da Vinci spoke on the intercom. Two minutes later, the purple-haired, bare-chested Saber came running into the chamber, kneeled in front of Connla and snatched her shoulders while exclaiming, "You're finally back! Do you have any idea what time it is right now!?"

"Yes, I know."

"Honestly! Servant or not, good little girls like you should be asleep by now! What in the world were you doing gallivanting about in the city at almost midnight!?"

"Well, it's kind of complicated…" she twiddled her fingers.

Mini-Cu folded his arms and grumbled, "Why not ask the dumbass who's trying to make his escape?"

"Huh?" Fergus glanced over at Cuchulainn as he was attempting to sneak out of the room. His voice grew increasingly bitter as he glowered, "Hey, Setanta. You've got that guilty look in your eye. Did something happen?"

"Ah… Well, I, uh…"

"What's wrong? Not man enough to admit you fucked up?" Mini-Cu gloated and flashed a most devious grin at his counterpart. "Or are you too much of a urine-stained little boy to demonstrate even a modicum of maturity?"

"Shut your trap, you smarmy little piece of shit!"

"So you're saying you'll explain for me? If you try to run away, then I'll gladly tell Fergus everything."

"Ghhh! Fine!" Cuchulainn snapped, then got down on his knees in a proper seiza style in front of Fergus and confessed about what he did. As Fergus heard more and more of the story, his usually friendly demeanor was replaced with a look of unabated exasperation. His skin became so hot with fury that Connla and Da Vinci thought they could bring a kettle of water to a simmer if left on him for too long.

Cuchulainn soon ended his explanation, then exclaimed, "And that leads us to right now!"

Fergus' eyebrow twitched, and the corner of his lip creased in displeasure. Connla hugged Mini-Cu tightly and stepped away from him, then whimpered, "Uncle Fergus…"

"Setanta."

Suddenly, with the rage of a major-scale earthquake, Fergus balled his hand into a taut fist and shrieked, "YOU IDIII~IIIOOOOT!"

Cuchulainn suddenly slammed his back against the wall after taking a full-on punch to the face! Da Vinci and Connla were astonished by how devastating the blow was – it was enough to slightly crater the wall around his entire body, and the normally unstoppable Lancer crumpled into a pathetic mess on the floor.

"Where the hell is your pride as a man!? Do you have any concept of shame whatsoever!? I thought I taught you better than that! I swear, I have half a mind to shove Caladbolg through your heart and be done with it, you worthless scamp!" Fergus ranted.

"C-Calm down," Da Vinci implored. "I understand how you feel, but we can't afford to have too much property damage like this. If you really want to take it out on him, do it in the simulator, okay?"

"Ugh. Sorry about that, madam. I'll come back and clean up this mess later. Setanta, you get your ass in the simulator and wait for me! We're going to be farming Doors until you can no longer move, got it!?"

"Y-Yeah…" Cuchulainn uttered, rubbing his swollen cheek. "I hope there's a Mona Lisa Craft Essence I can borrow from someone…"

Fergus took a deep breath to calm his nerves, then picked up Connla and said, "C'mon, missy. Let's get you tucked into bed."

She was too distressed to reply, and she allowed him to carry her to her room. She looked to be on the verge of crying, and he asked, "You okay? If you want to use my shoulder, go ahead."

"No, I'm just tired," she whimpered and hiccupped as he set her down.

"All right. Don't worry about that idiot father of yours. I'll make sure to discipline him real good and have him pay back that 50 million to you."

She sat on the bed and stared at Mini-Cu while moaning, "What a fool I am."

"Hm? What makes you say that?"

"Mother always told me that Father had actually trained in the Land of Shadows solely because he wanted to impress a certain woman back in Ireland. Despite that, he took Mother's body and left me behind as a bastard child. Not only that, but if Teacher wasn't so powerful, he probably would have done the same to her. Say, Uncle Fergus, is it true that Father sought to be strong just because of a woman?"

"Well… Setanta really was emphatic about making Emer his wife, but she was quite picky about the type of man she wanted. More than that though, I think he wanted to be known as a hero because old man Cathbad prophesized his life to be short but fulfilling."

"So Father really is motivated only by women. That must be why he hangs around with the more attractive Servants all the time. He told me that it helped him concentrate more, but now I'm starting to think that's not the case."

"He's been lying to you through the skin of his teeth, huh? Even when grown up, that boy refuses to stop being a piece of work. Guess that's another bad habit I'll have to wring out of him."

Connla laid on her side and faced away from Fergus, then muttered, "Mother hated me, and Father always abandons me… I really must be a burden to everyone around me…"

He sighed despondently, then rubbed her head and implored, "That's enough. Just get some rest for now."

"Mm."

Connla was so exhausted that she accidentally slept until the middle of the afternoon. Of course, that wasn't really a problem since she didn't have to adhere to any strict curfews like living children her age would. Even so, she was surprised to see how late it was. More than that though, some kind of bizarre stench kept bothering her nostrils so much that she was essentially forced to wake up. She thought she heard some kind of swallowing sound nearby, plus there seemed to be someone sitting on the opposite side of her bed. She opened her eyes and, tucking Mini-Cu under her arm, looked up to see who it was.

"Good morning, sweetie. Or should I say good afternoon?" a familiar purple-haired oni wearing a skimpy leotard crooned after guzzling some alcohol.

"Lady Shuten?" Connla murmured in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

Shuten-Douji chuckled, "Hee hee. I don't know which is cuter; when you're sleeping, or when you're flustered."

"Um… Do you need something from me?"

"Well now. Since you're offering, why don't you keep me company again today?"

"Company?"

"C'mere," the oni implored and took Connla's hand before guiding her out of her room and into the space where Shuten and Ibaraki always hung out together. The drunk demon sat the child Lancer down at the new chabudai and stroked her hair while murmuring, "I heard what happened yesterday."

"You did?"

"Poor thing, being left behind like that. You must be at your wit's end, trying so hard to please everyone only to be treated like dirt as your reward. But don't you worry, for today is a special day. Ibaraki and I have decided to give you the space you need to let yourself be free."

"To be 'free'? I don't understand what you mean."

Ibaraki leaned over them and set a cup of black coffee on the table before saying, "Here you go. This one's on us. You should wake up a bit first before letting it all out."

"Thank you," Connla mumbled and gulped some piping hot fluid down her throat. She felt the usual buzz of caffeine stimulating her nerves and waking her up. However, there seemed to be a different kind of sensation overtaking her senses that she had never experienced before. She felt so tipsy that she needed to grab the table for support before moaning, "I feel kind of funny…"

"How is it?" Shuten asked coyly.

"Well, um… It's kind of… hard to explain…"

"Do you feel like your stress is just melting away?"

"Mm… Sort of. My head feels heavy, but my chest doesn't hurt anymore. Is this some kind of special brew that oni like?"

"He he he. Sure, let's just leave it at that."

"Oh well. Whatever," Connla grunted and took another sip. Her cheeks were already flushed red, and her attitude radically changed as she muttered, "Stupid Father… He said he was going to go get a gift for someone. Was he just lying to me again, like how Mother lied to me for my whole life? Am I really that much of an encumbrance to them?"

"Cuchulainn left your mother pregnant with you while he returned to Ireland to fight in that war, didn't he?" Ibaraki asked.

"Yeah. I should have guessed that this would happen. Father always wanted to be a hero, and real heroes don't get bogged down with mundane things like raising children. Even so, I keep stupidly believing in my own family members. I always keep thinking they have my best interests in mind, but they keep disappointing me over and over again. I swear, why do I bother anymore?"

"What about your mother?"

"Hah! Screw her! She flat out told me that she despised my very existence!"

"She did!?"

Connla angrily slammed the mug on the table and exclaimed, "Everything is Mother and Father's fault! If he hadn't sullied her honor like that… If I hadn't been born as Cuchulainn's bastard child, then Mother wouldn't have had to deal with the stress of bearing a child she didn't want! I wouldn't have been raised to merely be the tool that would enact Mother's revenge on her behalf! If I didn't exist, I bet everyone would be much happier for it!"

"Come now, darling, you shouldn't say that," Shuten murmured.

"And what about Teacher!? She's supposed to be my aunt, but she did absolutely nothing to stop any of this! I know she has the power of precognition! She should have been able to foresee my death at Father's hand! She could have kept me in the Land of Shadows! Yet she just stood back without a care in the world and watched as my own father murdered me! That must have been a nice distraction from her crappy duty as the Land of Shadows' guardian! Talk about being born into the most useless family ever! No wonder I was forced to grow up so quickly! All of the people around me are so stupid that I had no choice but to fend for myself!"

"Well, I can see your point there. If people have had hard lives as children, then they tend to waste their adult lives acting like spoiled brats to compensate."

"Hmph! Why should I have expected anything different from Father even now!? He doesn't give a shit about me! He just wants to be smothered in female flesh until he dies of happiness! What a goddamn man-whore!"

"Whoa, there," Ibaraki yelped. "Y-You really should settle down now…"

"If my family is useless, then who the hell can I rely on anymore!? I try and try and try and try to make everyone around me happy, but no one wants to acknowledge my hard work! I just keep getting taken advantage of wherever I go! I'm getting fed up with my whole 'nice and sweet' routine! I should just cut loose and tell everyone to go to hell!"

"I really don't think you should. A lot of the other Servants find your kind attitude rather charming."

"Well I'm sick of it! I want to go back to the Throne and sleep forever and ever, but stupid Master won't let me go! She said that everyone has an important role in Chaldea, so she must love watching me suffer like a typical Mage would! I swear, the only people who want anything to do with me are a bunch of godforsaken sadists! It's obvious that I'm here only for everyone else's entertainment! Don't you think so!?"

"Uh, well…" Ibaraki had a hard time replying since she had wanted to get the girl drunk for a few laughs herself. Now the oni was starting to feel guilty about it, but she didn't know how to calm the irate child down.

Connla gulped down the remainder of her coffee in one go, then tossed it aside and caused it to shatter into fragments as she shrieked, "I HATE MY LIFE! I JUST WANT TO DIE!"

With that surprising outburst, she slumped over the table and passed out. Shuten and Ibaraki just sat there in dumbfounded silence, having totally not expected the girl to rage so badly after taking just a small sip of tainted coffee.

"Goodness gracious," Shuten mumbled. "Regardless if she's a child, I didn't think she would be such a hopeless lightweight."

"Me too," Ibaraki agreed, then smirked. "Glad to see there's someone who's even worse than me."

"Oh, but what to do now? If Raikou or Kintoki discover that we have caused such a precious little thing to get drunk, who knows what kind of chaos will follow? Eh he he… Not that I would mind a hearty scrap with the boy, mind you."

The blonde oni's mirth changed to shock as she yelped, "No shit! We gotta hide the pipsqueak somewhere until she wakes up!"

Just then, Mini-Cu flashed bright red. A moment later, Cuchulainn Alter's Spirit Origin emerged from inside the doll and materialized into Servant form. He kneeled over the unconscious Connla and picked her up as he glowered, "Son of a bitch. If I had realized that coffee was spiked, that so-called 'chaos' would have come a lot sooner than you think."

"W-What the fuck!?" Ibaraki squealed. "You were inside that thing, Alter!?"

"Yep. Saw every last moment too. If you value your hides that much, then you both owe the kid a favor for entertaining you with that ridiculous spiel."

Shuten wasn't perturbed by the Berserker's sudden appearance as she murmured, "In exchange for your silence?"

"Now you're speaking my language," Cuchulainn smirked darkly. "Normally I'd slaughter you myself, but I'm actually a little grateful."

"Grateful?"

"Thanks to your stupid stunt, I have a better idea of how to deal with Connla's troubles. She'd never tell me what's on her mind otherwise."

"I see. So we helped loosen her up a bit. Just as expected."

"Don't go thinking you can do that again though. The moment you do, I'll be offering your heads to Raikou as a gift."

Shuten grinned. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Me too…" Ibaraki agreed in a tiny voice.

Cuchulainn slumped Connla's arms over his shoulders and exited the onis' room to bring her back to her own bed. Along the way, he gently patted her back and murmured, "Geez. Why'd you have to go and confess everything to those two? If you really were that desperate, you should have come to me instead. You know better than that."

"Hmmn… Stupid… Father…" she moaned sadly, then hiccupped in her sleep.

"I know."

While he rounded the corner, he failed to notice that someone else had been listening to the entire exchange between Connla, Shuten and Ibaraki from a different section of the hallway. Once everything returned to silence, he emerged from his hiding spot and stared at where Cuchulainn previously had been. He crossed his arms and exhaled a deep humph of irritation.

It seems the time for silently observing the runt has come to an abrupt conclusion. If I am to fulfill my end of the bargain with that woman, then I must swiftly take action.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: For those who may be interested in the math problem she's doing, it's from the YouTube video "Solving An Insanely Hard Problem For High School Students" by Presh Talwalkar, AKA MindYourDecisions. If you want to know the solution, I recommend watching it.