(A/N: Here's chapter 5! Enjoy!)

Sex and Times

"Hey, Roy! Ho-"

"FREEDOM!"

Mustang was on full alert when he watched the dark-skinned girl scramble hurriedly out of the couch, trying to make a break for it. Damn, Hughes, and his inconvenient timings.

Keke's foot got caught on the edge of the couch, and she landed face first in the ground. "Shit!" she groaned. Luckily, she managed to save her bag.

She heard the blonde nerd laughing out loud at her epic blunder, but ignored the feelings of anger and embarrassment boiling inside her. Escaping is more important. She quickly scrambled up to her feet- bag in hand- and aimed for the opened door. Once she was out, she was free!

"Hughes, get her!"

A strong hand instantly grabbed her forearm. She cursed under her breath.

Escape attempt: failed!

"So here I am being held custody by the stupid military fill of shitheads and assholes," Keke grumbled irritably. "And to think all I wanted to enjoy a quiet life playing games, reading manga, and watching anime." As she ranted, she was middle of nonchalantly painting her nails with dark purple nail polish. She ignored the incredulous looks she was getting from everyone in the room.

Mustang frowned in displeasure, glaring at her disapprovingly. "Stop doing your nails. This is a military office."

The dark-skinned glanced up at him uncaringly. "I already started. Too late to stop now."

"Don't you ever take anything seriously?!" Ed yelled.

"Are you going to make me a sandwich?" she countered. He scowled in response. "Then shut the hell up, and sit ya ass down," she sassed.

Hughes decided it was time he took the initiative. He snatched the nail polish right out of Keke's grasp just as she was about to her right ring finger.

"Hey!" she protested indignantly.

"You can have this back after Mustang is done with you, young lady", Hughes said, scolding her like she was a petulant child.

Keke face twisted with perplexity. "Mustang? Who the hell is Mustang?"

A tick mark grew on Mustang's face. "I'm Mustang," he sighed exasperatedly. "I told you my name a few minutes ago."

"You? I thought your name was Mustard."

There was a small snicker in the background. It was coming from the blonde alchemist.

"It's Mustang!" he shouted, getting aggravated.

"But all this time I've been calling Officer Mustard. Why didn't you saying anything, you dumb goof?" she frowned.

Edward was full blown laughing hysterical. Al tried fruitlessly to get him to stop laughing at the Colonel. Mustang threw his subordinate a dirty look.

"You shouldn't laugh at your father like that, Eduardo."

Ed's laughter stopped instantly, replaced with angry scowl. "What did you say?" he growled. "Did you just call that bastard my father?!" With every word, his voice went up an octave.

She was confused. "He's not your father?"

"Hell no!/No!/He's not our dad." Ed, Mustang, and Al all shouted/rebuffed at the same time.

Brown eyes locked on the dark-haired male dubiously. "Then, dude, who the fuck are you? Why are you here?"

Mustang did his best to keep his cool. He pinched his in exasperation. He felt like he was going around in circles. It was beginning to frustrate.

"I'm Colonel Roy Mustang, and this is my office," he repeated, hopefully for the last time. "You are in Eastern Command Center. My jurisdiction."

"Your jurisdiction?" Keke said incredulously. "Fuck you and your jurisdiction! Do you think that won't stop me from kicking your ass?" She stood up on the table. Mustang was not amused to see her feet on his furniture. "C'mon! Let's go right now! Let's see how much your jurisdiction would do for you once I kick your jurisdiction ass. I'll kick your ass all over the planet."

"She's feisty, Roy," Hughes whistled, clearly amused by the scene.

A sound of gunshot rang through the room. Keke instantly froze in fear when something grazed her hair. She turned around to see the blonde woman staring at her coldly, gun pointed in her direction.

"Step away from the Colonel, and sit down."

"Y-Yes, ma'am," the dark-skinned girl replied obediently, taking her spot back at the couch.

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Mustang said with absolute gratitude. He never thought he'd meet an impudent child who was ruder and more disobedient than Fullmetal. This is why he doesn't want any children. At least now he can get back to the interrogation. Something he should've been doing a long time ago.

"What's your name?"

"Kesandra Grey."

"Judging by your dark skin are you an Ishavalan? But you don't have the signature red eyes. Are you a descendant of one, perhaps?"

She raised an incredulous brow. "Ishvalan? Just because I'm black. Are you trying to be racist? That's it! I'm definitely kicking your ass!" A gun being cocked silenced her. She groaned in defeat. "Do something about your woman."

"She's not my woman. She's my Lieutenant."

"Then do something about her. I don't need a gun pointed at me every second."

"If it'll get you to obey, then I'll do what I must," Mustang smirked.

Keke crossed her arms with a pout. "I hope you never have kids, you shady, dead raccoon voice of a man," she retorted, trying to have the last bite.

He simply ignored her insult. "Where's your mother?"

"At home, banging her boyfriend."

Everyone's face turned red.

Hughes placed a hand on her shoulder, causing her to look at him. "We don't need that much of a description," he said uncomfortably embarrassed. Nobody needed to know that.

"What's your mother's name?"

"Roshana Grey."

"What about your father? What's his name and where is he?"

She frowned, eyes narrowed in skepticism. "I think you are asking all these questions just to use as an excuse to procrastinate on your paperwork," Keke deadpanned, hands on her hips. She was glaring at the pile of paper- probably unfinished- sitting at the corner of his desk.

"You got a sassy one there, Roy," Hughes said amused. Mustang shot him a dirty look.

"What's your father's name?" Mustang repeated once more, leaving no room for argument or any more bullcrap.

She scowled. "Peter Grey." Mustang took note of the dark tone of her voice, keeping it for later. Something told him that she and her father don't get along.

"And where is he?"

"You tell me!" she snarled. That confirmed his silent question. "You're in the fucking military! Why don't you tell me where he is?"

An estranged father? Ed and Al could feel some sympathy for Keke, knowing what's like to have a father abandon their child.

"What were you doing in Liore?" Mustang continued.

There were lots of answers to that question. Most of the answers she didn't know. How did she end in this place? Answering that question would be answering the question of why she was fucking here in the first place? "Life sucks, and I wanted to flee," she deadpanned in the end.

No one knew what to say to that. They were wondering if she was being serious or not. Just then, a song began to play. Everyone- except Keke- began to look around in confusion.

Keke could feel her face heat up in slight embarrassment, knowing exactly what song was playing- judging by the tempo. She fought down a snicker of a smile while she hid her face behind her hand. Why is the song- S&M by Rihana- playing? Since when did she have this song on her phone anyway? Granted, she has so many songs on her phone that she loses track of them. This was a song she probably downloaded a long time ago, and just forgot to delete.

Though it was pretty fucking hilarious to see everyone's faces turn a beet red when it got to the chorus. Fucking hiliaruious, but so innappriopriate given her current situation.

She took her phone out, only to be puzzled at the alarm button going off. The time showed 2:00 PM. When did she put the alarm on? Oh! It was in case she slept in. She wanted to wake up in time because she planned to go to the mall with Anna because she was looking forward to buying some "A Place Further than the Universe" DvDs. It was a series that she heard was a really good slice-of-life, coming-of-age anime. It was on her watch list. Now it was an anime she may never get the chance to watch.

Once Keke turned off her alarm, brown eyes gazed up to take in everyone's expression. Ed and Al's faces were jaw-dropped, a blushing deep red, and shell-shocked. The same expressions people and absolutely prudes have as if they heard the term and concept of sex for the first time. Heh. Maybe they have. They really are innocent virgins.

The adults- however, although embarrassed- seemed more fascinated by her phone than anything else. They stared at it as if it was the Technology of the Century.

"What? What are you guys looking at?" Keke shouted defensively. "This isn't a room full of perfect people! That's bullshit! All you have your own problems!" She crossed her arms with a huff. "To hell with you all! I am who I am!"

"Why the hell do you have that music?" Ed yelled appalled, face still a blushing red.

"Because I can! And don't try to act all innocent," she sassed with exaggerated hand movements. "You know how you were born. Don't try to deny it. Don't act like it's something new or a new discovery you dug up. You were born because your father had sex with your mother. Whether love was involved or not doesn't matter. The simple fact is your father plowed your mother." Keke jerked her body in a forward repeatedly. "He was like 'Bam! Bam! Bam! You like that? Bam!'" She stopped, folding her arms behind her head and leaned back on the couch. "And your mother was like 'Oh! Oh, yeah! That feels so good! Yeah, right there! Right there!' Then your father shot Edward right into your mother's womb once he was done. That's how you were born. They fucked. You were created. End of story. It's not rocket science."

The men's faces in the room grew as red as cherries out of immense embarrassment at such an inappropriatedescriptive accuration of something out of a porn scene. They shifted uncomfortable, too dumbfounded to say anything. Edward, for his part, gobsmacked. His jaw was dropped as his face showed a mixture of mortification and disgust at the thought his Mother having sex with that Bastard.

"Dude, you are like in your 40s. Don't act like an embarrassed child."

"I'm 29!" Mustang exclaimed like an upset child. How come with every comment she makes, she throws a jab at him? "And what is that anyway?" he asked intrigued by the device in her hand.

Keke looked up from her phone for a second. "Huh? Oh, it's my phone," she answered, her focus on her phone as she continued to type away. She wanted to check what can and can't work on it with no internet.

Mustang frowned. His dark eyes narrowed at her suspiciously. "That's not a phone," he corrected her.

"Yes it is."

"No, it's not. This is a phone." He smirked, pointing at the device on his table as if he won the debate. The response he received was not one he was expecting. The girl burst in a full blown, hysterical laughter. She was holding her side as she laughed so loudly. He swore the whole office could hear her

"Dude, that's like prehistoric!" she laughed. "That box is like hundreds of years old. Who uses phones like that anymore? What, did you steal it from a Museum of History or something? I haven't seen crap like that since my grandfather's time. I mean, the year is 2018. I didn't know phones like that exist anymore."

Everyone stared at her as if she had grown a second head, but she oblivious to it as she continued to laugh her ass off. Mustang opened his mouth, but she ruthlessly cut him off.

"Shut up, Mustard. You lost all rights to talk after you showed me that dinosaur you call a phone," she waved him off dismissively. The dark-haired man just scowled at her- shooting her a dirty look- jaw clenched and eyebrow twitching.

"Uh, Keke," Al piped in. "The year is 1914."

She paused for a second. "What?"

"It's 1914," Hughes said.

"What?" She blinked, not understanding if she heard them correctly or not.

"It's 1914!" Ed shouted. "Where the hell did you get 2018 from?"

"WHAAAAAAT?!"

(A/N: That's the end of chapter 5! I hope you enjoyed it! Keke's attitude is more like "Fuck! I'm screwed either way, so I might as well go down in a blaze of glory.". The questions are still the same as before…

Q#1: Ed and Al or Team Mustang?

Q#2: Ed/OC, Al/OC, or something else?

Leave any comments and questions in a review, and thanks for reading!)