Untouchable
The Tests~

I honestly don't know where I stand anymore. Sometimes I want to grab the guy and shake him violently because he frustrates me so much. Then the next I just want to shut him up with a passionate kiss.

He's really a hard guy to read, especially as he looks so confused, angry and torn at the same time. One minute he is jealous and possessive over me, then the next he is telling me to 'get lost.'

Except, deep down, I know he doesn't mean anything abusive because when we argue and I look into his eyes, I can see that it breaks his heart to watch me cry. I know he loves me, I know he would jump in front of a bullet without thinking twice, but why must he be so uncontrollable!?

Kai clearly doesn't understand the 'new' emotions he's experiencing and this is a defense barrier that I am struggling to get my head around.

However, when times get really difficult, I begin to realise just how broken this guy is on the inside.

It's taken me a few weeks, but, I now understand why the lone-wolf pushes people away. It kills Kai to let people into his heart because it gives the other individual the power to snap him in to two. He's vulnerable and he hates that.

So I have concluded that Kai's greatest weakness in this life to let people into his frozen heart. He obviously can love you in his own little way, but he'll never say it. He just shows it with the small comments he makes:

'Who has upset you now?'

'Get back up and show them what you're made of.'

'Did you sleep well?'

'I have cooked dinner.'

'Put your seatbelt on.'

The little things he does, oh man, it makes my knees go weak because I know that the bond we have is a once in a life time scenario. And if this relationship ever collapsed, nobody would give me the strength to carry on in this world like Kai does. He's just so unique and beautiful.

Sitting on the brow of the hill, the two of us would gaze at the stars. The night sky looked so calm tonight and there wasn't a hint of distraction in the atmosphere – no wind breezes, no clouds, no Diachi, no arguments and no pride.

It was just us having a heart to heart~

My head would be resting on his toned chest and my right leg would curl over his figure. His breathing would be deep and relaxed, yet his hands would be sealed around my body in a protective gesture.

It was such a beautiful moment in time and I seriously didn't want it to end.

We both aren't known for being 'soppy' but we had our moments.

"What would you do if I ever left, after you told me to leave." I would ask curiously.

"I would carry on and act like nothing had happened. But I would be dead on the inside."

I raised my head to gaze my widening eyes up at him and he suddenly looked so unsure with tears forming in his fierce eyes.

"Well, to make us even on this. I just want you to know that I would never ruin things on purpose either." I confessed with my throat narrowing drastically.

I wanted to cry too.

I loved him and nothing was going to change that~

But just as I choked on air, Kai cracked a weak smile and sat up slightly so he could place a soft kiss onto my forehead.

"You deserve a lot more credit than you realise." He mumbled in a smooth whisper and pulled me into a tighter hug.

By now I was crying a river and I moped, "Oh, Kai I love you too!"

"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at the best."
Marilyn Monroe~

(But a huge thank you to Phoenix09 for the encouragement)

Granger~