Day Six - Believe
Characters: Haruhi Fujioka
Genre: Angst
Triggers: None
A soft golden glow spilled from their kitchen's corner, illuminating their apartment in an appeasing mixture of creamy light and velvety shadows. Every light in the apartment had been turned off except for Haruhi's nightlight and the faux Christmas tree that sat on their kitchen's counter.
Haruhi sat cross-legged at the table with her math textbook and workbook situated before her. Her second grade class had just been dismissed for Christmas break but even that didn't relinquish homework. Impressionable minds shouldn't remain stagnant, as her teacher had said before she allowed them to file out of the classroom.
Haruhi had been home for a week now, with Christmas quickly approaching in a few days, but she hadn't enjoyed her break.
Not at all.
It was the second Christmas she would spend without her mother.
Her father still had to work, unfortunately having to accept over-time as well due to being understaffed and extra busy for the holidays, which left Haruhi alone.
She was always alone.
Left behind as her father kissed her forehead goodbye and disappeared for the night.
Forgotten when he returned reeking of beer and the bar's residue, relying on the street vendors down the street for their hot meals.
The math problem her eyes had been fixated on for the past few minutes suddenly began to blur as tears welled. She sniffled back the need to cry, not wanting to cry.
She would probably always be alone.
A tear slipped past her guarded gaze and tainted the notebook paper below. Another followed, and another, until she no longer cared about keeping appearance for herself.
Who was she being strong for? Her father? Her mother?
Herself?
Who needed her strength the most?
She didn't know anymore. The answer had blurred long ago, between when her mother hooked her pinky finger with Haruhi's and promised her health would return before the new year and when her father begrudgingly reached for a bottle of wine after spilling his tears and anger on her shrine.
Their first Christmas without Mom didn't feel real. Her father tried to decorate their apartment for the holidays, hoping it would radiate a little happiness as they grieved, but he couldn't bring himself to hang one ornament, not when his fingers brushed against a clay figurine Haruhi had made for her mother in kindergarten. The tree they bought remained bare until Ranka finally threw it to the curbside on Christmas Eve.
This year his boss had been gracious and gave them leftover lights and ornaments from the bar's previous years which Ranka hastily used. He didn't want to make the same mistakes twice and had the apartment strung and glittering with tinsel and foil seemingly overnight.
Their apartment glowed with soft hues of reds and greens and turned their small space into a tranquil Christmas den. The Christmas cake her father bought the day before waited in their fridge. He also promised to pick up an order of fried chicken on the way home. A few small presents wrapped in reindeer paper and white ribbons leaned against the kitchen cabinets below where the tree sat. Through a pair of eyes that hadn't watched their world crumble in a day, it felt like a normal Christmas.
And yet, Haruhi was still alone.
One day, she'll feel the pure magic of Christmas again. She'll wake up with fresh anticipations and genuine happiness. One day she'll count down the days for Christmas morning instead of praying for the year to finally end.
But until then… she was alone.