These were the moments he lived for.
Their hands entwined above Dorian's head, his lover's breath hot in the crook of his neck, strong legs wrapped around his waist to pull him close, his hips thrusting with a single-minded determination…
These were the moments he lived for.
The soft creak of the bed as it rocked back and forth, the sound of his name panted out in regular intervals, the whir of the fan in the corner of the room as it sent cool air over their heated skins, the wet slap of his cock as it plunged deep over and over again…
These were the moments he lived for.
The sight of Dorian's flushed cheeks in the dim light, the raw display of his tousled hair and mussed mustache, the chaos of clothes strewn about the room in a frenzy of removal, the very visible red and needy erection between their stomachs…
These were the moments he lived for.
When Dorian's moans and gasps filled his ears, he could forget the sound of gunfire and screams. When he seized Dorian's lips to devour them, he could forget the taste of blood and worse. When his fingers tightened and clenched around Dorian's hands or wrists, he could forget those who had died, choking and in agony, in his grasp. And when his hips thrust deep and locked in place as bliss washed over him and Dorian cried out with his own release, he could forget the horrors and terror from his past and concentrate wholly, and solely, on the man beneath him on the bed.
Yes. These were the moments he lived for.
While they lay panting in the near darkness, the breeze from the fan washed over them, sending a shiver down Cullen's spine as it cooled the sweat on his bare skin. Not yet pulling out, Cullen once more took Dorian's lips with his own, rolling his hips as he enjoyed the intimacy of the moment. Eventually they would need to separate, eventually they would need to return to the real world and the real problems which awaited them.
For now, though, the universe consisted of just the two of them, their hearts beating as one.
Into this perfection, the harsh jangling of the ring of a cell phone intruded, jerking them away from the perfection of lingering kisses back into a world where perfection had a very limited reach. Cullen listened to the ringing for a moment, then swore softly and gently disengaged.
"Must you?" Dorian murmured, though Cullen noticed that sleep already threatened him.
"It's my business phone," he told Dorian, knowing he'd understand. He didn't dare ignore it, not if it meant Hawke might be in danger. He owed the man too much to ignore what might be a call to arms.
This had better be good, he fumed, knowing that Hawke knew precisely where he was and what they were likely doing. Stumbling over to where his pants had somehow ended up on top of the cat tree, Cullen pulled the phone out and tapped the button without really looking at the screen. "Hello?"
There was no immediate answer aside from a couple of quick breaths, followed by an uncertain little hum of a sound. Still, it was enough to let him know that it wasn't Hawke.
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, don't waste my time, all right?" he said irritably. "Who is this? I hear you breathing."
After another hesitation, a familiar voice replied. "Hey. It's me. Kaid."
Cullen felt as if someone had punched him hard in the chest, and it took him a while to be able to summon any sort of an answer. Memories burst through his mind in a flood, escaping the tightly locked box into which he'd stuffed them so long ago. As he tried to parse through them and push them into something resembling order in his mind, Kaidan added, "I need your help."
And where were you when I needed help?
"Well, shit." It was a gut reaction, completely emotional, completely wrong, and completely difficult to unfeel once felt. Forcing himself to expel as much of the negativity as he could manage through a heavy sigh, Cullen reached behind him blindly and found a chair, dragging it closer to him so he could sag into it. His mind whirled as he tried to analyze Kaidan's words, to remember the nuances and subtleties unique to the man. Finally he said, "All right. I'm listening."
"Not over the line," Kaidan said, almost as if it didn't matter, but Cullen swore internally. That bad. "Too impersonal. We should meet in person." As Cullen conjured up and discarded a series of possibilities, Kaidan added, "How about the seventh, at the old hotel with the oak tree?"
Cullen's heart froze. Shepard. She's in trouble. Mouth suddenly dry, Cullen desperately tried to remember what the rest of the code meant. Hotel, oak tree… Right. The abandoned mine in that nature reserve where we took down that human supremacist cult. After glancing at the clock on the wall, he said, "Sounds good. Meet you there at, say, high noon?" That should give them both enough time to get out there without having a chance to prepare anything sinister. After all, they hadn't exactly parted on the best of terms.
"Great," Kaidan replied, sounding commendably cheerful. "I'll see if I can get you any of that maple beer you like so much."
Hmm. Good question. Will I be followed? It wasn't unheard of in his line of work, after all, and since the last mission they'd taken involved the Qunari… "Better make it that Peruvian whiskey," he said. "To make up for waking me."
"Right, right," Kaidan said with an easy laugh. "Don't worry, I know where to score some. See you next month, then."
Cullen relaxed. Kaidan knew what he was doing. In his more logical moments, Cullen knew that had always been true, even when it had hurt Cullen so very badly. "I'm looking forward to it."
Before Kaidan could respond to that, Cullen ended the call, staring at the phone for a long moment. The number was the same phone he'd sent to Kaidan, all right, mailed in a fit of depression-fueled pique in a desperate bid to make the man come back.
And it felt so very long ago, now.
Still, he didn't have a lot of time. Two hours to get to the Four Nugs Nature Reserve wasn't much, especially if he needed to tamp down the electronics and signals on his car. But first…
He moved to the bed where the apparently slumbering Dorian lay, and placed a light kiss on his forehead. Part of him hated the fact that he wouldn't be able to nestle in close and slumber next to Dorian, but it was better to keep this part of his life separate.
"That didn't sound like Hawke," Dorian murmured, one eye cracking open to look at him.
Suppressing a wince, Cullen said, "No. Not Hawke. An old business partner. We used to team up on the really difficult jobs."
Dorian reached up to cup the side of Cullen's face. "You don't mean someone like Hawke, do you?"
"No." Cullen's jaw rippled. "No, this is...older. When I was...officially unofficial, instead of completely unofficial."
"I feel like I should be worried," Dorian noted.
Very. "I'll be fine," Cullen assured him. "It's a new mission, though. I'm not sure when I'll see you again."
Dorian sighed, but said nothing-mostly because he didn't want to fight before Cullen left than for any other reason, Cullen suspected.
"I'm sorry," Cullen said softly. "I know I said I'd be here for another day or two, but I can't ignore this."
"I understand. That it's important to you, anyway." Dorian shifted so that he could raise himself higher. "I won't demand you come back soon, but...come back to me. Please." His grey eyes, luminous in the moonlight sifting in through the blinds, flicked down to Cullen's lips, then back up to meet his gaze. "Our first anniversary is coming up, after all."
That made Cullen smile. "I hadn't forgotten," he murmured. "But yes, that much I can promise you. I will come back to you."
"Good," Dorian breathed, pulling Cullen's face down into a slow, deep kiss. When their lips parted, he said, "Until later, then."
"Until later." Cullen smiled and stroked Dorian's cheek, then pulled back and gathered his clothes. A quick wash, a quick change, and a quick refitting of his car later, and he was on the road, adrift in an emotional sea of regret, wistful longing, and tingling anticipation.
After all, time spent with Kaidan was never boring.
About twenty minutes away from Dorian's place, long enough that it would be difficult to associate him with it, he tapped his phone into life again. He did have one important call to make before meeting Kaidan, after all. "Hawke," he told the phone, and it obediently found the number and dialed.
Cullen waited, counting through the rings with increasing irritation. Ten rings. Why is his phone set to ten rings before going to voicemail? As the ninth ring passed and he had mentally assembled the message he was going to leave, however, the phone abruptly picked up, and he heard a sleep-slurred voice say, "Hey. Wasn't expecting you to call."
"I wasn't expecting to…" Cullen's voice trailed away as he frowned, tilting his head as he strove to hear the faint sounds in the background on Hawke's side. That sounded like- "Are you watching porn?" Cullen asked with a groan.
"Oh, yeah," Hawke said, obviously grinning. "Want me to turn it up?"
"No, I-" Cullen swore as the forced moaning and sounds of flesh slapping wetly into each other grew louder, and scowled at the phone. At least this isn't a video call. "Shut it off," he said between grated teeth.
"Sure thing, boss," Hawke said with a chuckle, and the sounds cut off with blessed suddenness. "All right, what's up?"
"Why are you watching porn?" Cullen demanded, distracted for the moment.
"Because Isabela's not here and there's a beautiful woman sleeping down the hall who I was stupid enough to kiss and smart enough to send to her bed without me," Hawke said with a groan and a thump, as if he'd thrown himself back on the bed.
"Adaar?" Cullen asked with a grin of his own. "I thought she was a client."
"She is," Hawke said sourly.
Cullen's grin widened. "And you told me-"
Joining in, Hawke chanted, "-to never sleep with clients. I know. Maker, do I know. But she's so damn fucking gorgeous. And she's smart, and she's got these muscles, and just… Unf. Well. Varric's coming to pick her up soon, so I'll be able to watch porn in peace until Isabela gets back and we can scratch each other's itches a few times."
"Or maybe she'll finally find the love of her life on this mission," Cullen suggested lightly.
"She's about as likely to settle down as I am," Hawke retorted. "Anyway. You didn't call to hear me bitch about my sexual frustration. Unless you did, in which case I can take matters into my own hand while we-"
"Ah, that's not necessary," Cullen said hastily. "I just wanted to tell you that it might be a few days before I return. Longer than I expected, anyway."
Hawke grunted. "Want to fuck your boyfriend a few more times before coming back? Haven't christened every inch of his apartment yet, huh?"
Cullen glared at the phone, knowing that they had in fact 'christened' every inch of the apartment, and knowing that if he said so, Hawke would never let him hear the end of it. "It's been a while since I've had more than a night with him," he replied instead, letting Hawke continue with his initial assumption. The truth wasn't something he felt comfortable discussing over a cellular line, even one as encrypted as this one was. "I'll give you another call before I head back, just in case you're in the middle of an orgy or something."
"You do that," Hawke said. "Never rule out anything with me, especially an orgy. I even got you into one once, remem-"
"Yes, well," Cullen said, interrupting Hawke hastily. "Good luck with Adaar and Varric and all that."
"Thanks," Hawke drawled. "Hmm. Maybe I can convince them to join me for an or-"
Cullen hastily disconnected the call, then tapped a different part of the screen to make the phone go offline. He spent a few minutes checking each and every signal in his car again, making sure nothing could be traced, then took the first exit off the freeway and drove down a side street. Pulling to the side, he turned off his lights and waited, hunkering down in the seat to make sure no one was following him. After ten minutes, he turned the car on again, left the lights off, and eased back into motion, flicking the switch that would kill the brake lights as well.
He had a schedule to keep, after all.
Five minutes before they were due to meet, Cullen's car pulled into an overgrown grove of trees, ignoring the scraping sound of some of the lower branches as they scraped the top of his car. He drove a car that looked like a beater and ran silent as a Rolls for a reason, after all. Reaching into the console, he pulled out his old service pistol, beaten and scratched, but still in perfect working condition.
Exactly like him.
Slowly he tugged the handle on the door so he could slip out of the car noiselessly, listening to the area around him for any sound that shouldn't be there. Raising his pistol up, he worked his way slowly through the grove, senses on alert as he carefully timed his steps so that they blended in with the wind and the creaking of the branches.
Outside the grove, he saw the entrance to the mine where they were to meet, ignoring the large sign warning of danger. He reached up to activate his reticule so he could spend a few moments looking for anything out of place, aware that he was not the only one who might be followed here. When he found nothing more suspicious than an owl watching him from one of the trees, he made his way to the gaping dark maw and slipped inside.
He found a perfect place to wait for Kaidan a few dozen paces inside, a small space with a half-broken door that had once been used by the security guard to check people in and out of the mine. He still remembered the fight against the Cerberus operatives here, and the laboratory they'd found afterwards…
Shuddering, he pressed against the wall and waited, listening for the slightest step out of place or even a whisper of a breeze that didn't belong…
...which made the sound of a chuckle behind him as something cold pressed to the back of his neck even worse.
"Cheater," he said as he slowly lowered his pistol. "You know I don't have the silence."
"You really think I'm not going to use my one advantage over you?" Kaidan asked in a wry tone. "You may be the only Unseen Hand I ever worked with, but you definitely showed me that rumor, for once, underestimated the reality."
Cullen snorted, though the compliment was flattering, considering it was a Spectre who gave it. "Except when you have a device that can practically erase you from existence for a while."
"Never long enough for a mission, and it takes a hell of a long time to recharge," Kaidan said, lowering his weapon. As Cullen turned, they both tucked their guns out of sight, and Cullen examined Kaidan through his reticule. Unsurprisingly, the man looked older, but not as much older as Cullen knew he himself looked. The still-handsome face stayed neutral as he, in return, studied Cullen, until finally he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "You probably want to know why I called you."
"I don't see Shepard with you," Cullen noted.
"No. No, she, uh…" Kaidan sighed, then gestured down the corridor. "The kitchen is a bit more clean than this room, and I brought beer."
"Not Peruvian whiskey?" Cullen asked with a faint grin as he pushed away from the wall and moved into the corridor.
Kaidan laughed as he fell into step near, but not too near, Cullen. "God, no. You know how expensive that is? Special occasions only."
"I remember. Shepard and I had to go in together to get you just that one bottle she brought you while you were recovering after the Cerberus mission," Cullen admitted.
"She mentioned that," Kaidan mused. "I wish you could have been there to visit with her."
We both know why I couldn't. "That would have been nice," Cullen said instead, heading to where a door had some light leaking through. "Secure space?"
"As secure as I can make it," Kaidan said. "For about an hour, anyway."
Fuck, Kaidan, what is this about? Cullen wondered. If even a Spectre couldn't guarantee more than an hour… "Sounds good. That always used to be long enough in the old days."
Kaidan shot him a cocky grin. "Not for everything."
Maker, the man could still make him blush. "Let's talk," he said gruffly, hoping the darkness hid the color-and knowing that Kaidan likely had a reticule of his own that could map body heat, just like he could.
As he walked through the door, however, his reticule flickered and died, reassuring Cullen that the security barrier remained intact. Moving to the small table where a beer sat, invitingly open, he picked it up and turned to face Kaidan. "All right. What's going on?"
"Shepard's wife got kidnapped," Kaidan said, wasting no words as he retrieved his beer.
"Wha- kidnapped?" Cullen repeated, stunned. If anyone's spouse could be kept safe, he would assume it was Shepard's. "How-Never mind that. Who would be that stupid?"
"Someone who wanted the best of the best to be their assassin for their last push to world dominance," Kaidan said with a grimace. "Sovereign."
Cullen blinked. He'd been braced for almost any other answer, up to and including the Divine, but this… "I thought he died two years ago. Well…was rendered permanently defunct, since he can't die like a normal person."
"He was. Or so we thought at the time," Kaidan said grimly. "It was the last mission Shepard and I worked on together before she retired to a private life. Apparently he managed to put enough of himself offsite that someone figured out how to revive him."
"The Qunari, I bet," Cullen muttered. "They've been pushing a lot of money through various secondary channels to their city-state up in Par Vollen. It wouldn't surprise me, since they've been looking for another leader ever since I took down the Arishok and his cohorts."
"Or paid enough money to the right black market vendor to get what might have looked like junk data but turned out to be Sovereign's archive," Kaidan pointed out. "For all their oddities, the Qunari are just as advanced technologically as we are. More, even, in some regards."
"Not a bad theory. For all their disdain for people who don't follow their creed, I know for a fact they've gone to at least the Shadow Broker in the past," Cullen mused. "And if anyone could have gotten a hold of Sovereign's archive, even if by accident, it would be the Broker."
Kaidan's face went bleak. "Damn. I should have thought of that. But how did you know about the money part of it? That's something that Spectre Bau was only beginning to trace over the last few months, and he was using Spectre resources."
Cullen paused, realizing that he might be saying more than was safe for Dorian. After mulling over it a few moments, he said, "I know someone who works for one of those accounting firms that specializes in managing the portfolios for very rich clients." Among other things, of course. Cullen had his own suspicions about Trevelyan by this point, especially once he'd investigated her husband's past a bit. "He mentioned something about how there was an increase in attempts to get those clients to invest a lot of money into a series of projects that on the surface looked legitimate with a solid return, but when the firm did some digging turned out to be a front for the Qunari."
"Over the last year?" Kaidan asked, brow drawn in thought.
"The last eight months, give or take a couple of weeks." He examined Kaidan's troubled expression. "That about when Sovereign reappeared?"
Kaidan hesitated, as if pondering what to tell Cullen, then finally nodded. "That's about when Spectre agents started to get killed, yeah. About four months ago I was assigned to hunt down the assassin that had been taking them down after the first Spectre assigned was, well-"
"Assassinated?"
"Yes." Kaidan took a long drink. "And a few hours ago, I found her."
"Well, shit," Cullen said fervently. "You're right. She wouldn't kill unless she was certain Liara was alive but in danger. So what's Sovereign's game?"
"Kill the Spectres first, I'd imagine, since we were the ones to deactivate him before," Kaidan said with a grunt. "All of the ones who worked on that mission are dead except me and Shepard, and we were playing cat and mouse in the ship graveyard when she got new orders-which is how I know all this."
Cullen raised an eyebrow. "You talked?"
"That silence does come in handy. Just not for very long," Kaidan said with a sigh. "But yeah. I have a name for the next target. Based on who it is, I'm guessing he's going to go after the people who might figure out what he's up to next."
"Yeah? What's the name?"
"Trevelyan. Evelyn Trevelyan." A chill shot through Cullen's body as Kaidan continued. "According to Spectre files, she's the head of an accounting firm, but also more. She's one of five people suspected to either associate with or be the Shadow Broker."
Damn I'm good. He knew there was more to Trevelyan than just an accounting firm. But is it her or Bull? "Guess who runs that accounting firm I just mentioned?" Cullen asked.
Kaidan blinked. "You know her? Well, that simplifies things somewhat. Having a trusted vector to approach her through will help."
It definitely would, but now a new worry came to Cullen. After all, Dorian was quite close to his boss. All of Trevelyan's firm were close friends, since Trevelyan encouraged everyone to think of each other as family. "To tell her she needs to go underground before Shepard comes for her?"
"And get her away safe. There's a couple of places we can take her, and any of her family and friends who could be used as leverage against her, but I would have had to establish contact first-and you know how hard that is to do without a point of trust for that initial contact." A wry smile came to his face. "Calling someone out of the blue about how they're now a target of assassination by a retired Spectre agent under control of a supposedly dead AI backed by an nation-sized cult might be a bit hard to swallow."
"You're going to need a bigger bunker, though," Cullen told Kaidan, even as his own mind turned over the possibilities.
"Oh? Why is that?" Kaidan asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Because she has a pretty big family. And I'm not talking about her husband and children, either."
Kaidan frowned. "That complicates things," he admitted.
"I...may have an idea, though," Cullen said slowly as the kernel of an idea started to bloom in his mind. "If we do this right, it won't even look like they're hiding away."
"That would be nice," Kaidan said, then glanced at his watch. "Forty minutes. Make it good."
With a nod, Cullen drained his beer, then absently pulled out an alcohol wipe and began to clean the bottle of any traces of him. "It starts with a woman by the name of Maevaris Tilani."
"The heiress?" Kaidan asked, then grunted as he finished his own beer and pulled out a similar cloth. "I can't wait to hear how this is going to work."
Even as Cullen laid out his plan, though, the worry he kept trying to push to the back of his mind kept returning: was it really just Trevelyan, or were all her accountants-including Dorian-already in danger?
Because there was one thing of which Cullen was absolutely certain: he would keep Dorian safe, or die trying.