A/N: Thanks for your reviews!

Chapter 4

Later that night, Kate sat in the nursery, McKenzie cradled in her arms as she gently rocked in the rocking chair. Her daughter had fallen asleep ten minutes before but she wasn't ready to lay her down in her crib just yet. She cherished these quiet moments, just her and her baby in the nursery, the sounds of the loft somewhat muted upstairs. She breathed deeply, inhaling McKenzie's scent; sometimes she still worried about her being upstairs while their room was downstairs…she had even suggested that perhaps they should move their room upstairs but Castle wasn't about to swap rooms with his mother…and Alexis's room always had to be ready for her use during school breaks…and the guest room might be needed. No solution had seemed suitable…and so she had to make do with a baby monitor and frequent trips upstairs to check on her baby.

She was sure that the only time she had an uninterrupted night's sleep was on those occasions when her parents kept McKenzie overnight which was about once a month. McKenzie had been sleeping through the night since she was three months old…but she still woke up at least twice to make the trek upstairs…just to make sure all was well…all the while cursing having a downstairs bedroom. Kate sighed, her eyes closing as she savored the feel of her baby nestled against her. She hadn't known that she could ever love someone as much as she loved McKenzie. Her eyes opened and she smiled down at the baby, taking in her soft features and her head full of dark hair. She was perfect, she mused…perfect in every way.

It was everything else that was suddenly not perfect, Kate thought to herself. Her husband had somewhat blindsided her with this idea of the ski trip…but he had also made her like the idea…at least for the most part. On the other hand, there was still a tiny part of her that wasn't sure it was a good idea for McKenzie's first Christmas. She hated to admit it, even to herself, but she kind of liked her father's idea of just her and Castle going for a few days for New Year's while they kept the baby. They hadn't really had more than the occasional night to themselves since McKenzie was born; and while she loved her baby more than life…she wouldn't mind having a few days with her husband…and she'd be able to enjoy it knowing that her baby was safe, warm, and well cared for in the home of her grandparents.

She wondered if maybe she should bring up the idea…perhaps he'd like it and they could aim for that and stay in the city for Christmas. If they stayed in the city, their overabundance of holiday decorations wouldn't feel like they had been put up for nothing. If they stayed, they wouldn't have to worry about transporting McKenzie's gifts.

If they stayed…her parents could see McKenzie for the holidays and then they wouldn't look at her like she had robbed them.

Kate blew out a soft breath; she supposed she was robbing them in a way by taking their only grandchild out of the state for Christmas, denying them the option of seeing her. They hadn't fussed much when she turned them down for Thanksgiving…there had been the note of disappointment in her mother's tone when she finally told her but she had taken it okay. Today's news hadn't been taken well…she kept thinking about the looks on their faces…Christmas wasn't their thing anymore but apparently they had anticipated making an exception for their granddaughter…but how was she to know that in the first place? The topic of the holiday always felt taboo…it was always put off until the last minute when there was no choice but to announce plans. She didn't like to feel badly for having holiday plans that didn't include her parents…but she also didn't like feeling like she had hurt them and taken something from them.

She sighed deeply; holidays were a pain in the ass, there was no doubt about that…but for McKenzie she'd make sure it was a good holiday no matter where they ended up, she thought to herself as she kissed her baby's forehead and then rose from the chair with her. She carefully laid McKenzie in the crib, keeping a reassuring hand on her as she stirred and shifted to get comfortable. Seeing that the baby would stay down, she checked the monitor to make sure it was on and then left the room.

Castle glanced up from his laptop as his wife entered his office. "Hey," he said quietly. "Did you have trouble getting McKenzie down?"

"No, why?" she asked as she sat down in one of the chairs.

"You were up there a good while; I thought maybe she didn't want to go to bed since she napped a little in the car."

"No, she went down without issue," Kate replied. "I just wanted to hold her for awhile."

He sighed, they kept having this…difference of opinion…on how best to put their daughter to sleep. "You really shouldn't do that all the time, Kate; she needs to start learning to fall asleep on her own."

"I'm not letting my baby cry herself to sleep; I've already told you that," she said firmly. "I'm at work all day, when I come home, I'm cuddling and playing with my baby…and I'm rocking her to sleep."

"Well when I put her to bed, I let her fall asleep on her own…yes, she cries, but she goes to sleep…and when you do it, you hold her even after she's asleep and it keeps her from learning. I told you what the books say, Kate."

She smiled. "Yeah; and I told you what to do with your book, Rick. If I want to rock my baby to sleep, I will rock my baby to sleep. If I want to hold her for ten minutes after she goes to sleep, I'll hold her. My mother rocked me to sleep when I was a baby and by the time I was a toddler, I was falling asleep during story time, it was not detrimental to my development."

"Just because your mother did it doesn't mean we should do it."

"If it was good enough for me, it's good enough for my baby," she remarked. "I'm not having this argument with you every night. I put McKenzie to bed and I do it my way. If you want to torment her by making her cry when you put her down for naps, that's on you…but during my time off, I will be rocking her to sleep at nap time so go ahead and get mad and get over it because I'm not letting her cry."

"It's not good for her to always need you to hold her to go to sleep."

Kate eyed him. "I don't think it's so much about you being worried that it's not good for her…I think it's that you don't like that she prefers me to put her to bed."

"She prefers you because you hold her all night. When Alexis was her age, I was training her to fall asleep on her own as the book says."

"Castle, I don't raise my kid based on a book…that person doesn't know my baby. I know my baby. I know the methods used in my family…I grew up fine, so did all of my cousins. I don't care what you did to Alexis; she's not Alexis…she's McKenzie and McKenzie has a mother who is happy to rock her to sleep at night so we have our special time and she goes to sleep feeling safe, warm and loved. Get over it because I'm not stopping."

"I'm trying to do what's best for McKenzie…you holding her all the time is about you, Kate," he replied.

"Yeah, it's about me loving my baby…it's about my baby feeling loved…now do you really want to continue this argument? Because every time we have to have this discussion, I get a little more pissed. You raised Alexis your way…McKenzie will be raised by both of us and your ways aren't always going to be mine. I'm not just going to do what you say because you think you did it right the first time."

"You talk about me and yet you think your mother is the gospel on childcare and she only raised you."

She smirked at him. "She also had a lot of nieces and nephews that she had a hand in caring for at one time or another…not to mention that she went on the expertise of her mother, grandmother and mother-in-law…so yeah, I think she's got more going for her than that stupid book you refer to like a bible."

"Fine," he remarked. "When McKenzie's three and you still have to hold her to get her to sleep, that's on you."

"Fine with me. It's a risk I'm willing to take and I'll still be more than happy to hold her at three."

"Fine…learn the hard way…and then I'll do it my way."

"You know, I get a little tired of you acting like you're a better parent than me just because you had a kid before. I don't have to raise McKenzie exactly like you raised Alexis," Kate retorted. "McKenzie is my first baby and I'm going to hold her and enjoy her as much as I want and I don't give a damn if you or your little book like it or not."

"Fine, Kate; do it your way," he shot back. "I have experience parenting a child, but by all means, do everything exactly the way your mommy did it…because that's what you want. You told me once that when you were a kid, you wanted to be just like your mother…and you're still like that…you want to be just like Johanna, raise your kid the way Johanna raised you, do everything her way because you're still trying to shove your feet into her high heels."

"We wear the same size shoe, I don't have to shove my feet into her heels, they fit just right. Why do you suddenly have an issue with my mother again? I thought you were over that bullshit."

"Because as much as you're sick of me and my parenting book, I'm just as sick of your 'but my mother did it this way' bullshit. She is not the patron saint of childcare, Kate!"

"Neither are you, jackass!"

"See, right there, you are your mother."

She smirked at him. "It's a good thing I have the shoes for it."

Castle breathed deeply. "Okay, let's just stop this…I don't know why we keep doing this lately but it needs to stop."

She felt like some of it stemmed from the fact that he sometimes seemed to think she was stupid when it came to taking care of her own baby but she didn't say so. "Maybe it's because we haven't had much time alone together since McKenzie was born," she remarked.

"We're alone together right now; she goes to bed at eight."

Kate rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant, Castle. I mean we haven't had a lot of time for just each other. We leave her with my parents one Saturday night a month…and maybe that isn't enough. Maybe we need to go away together for a few days…and not talk so much about parenting stuff for those few days."

Castle pondered that for a few minutes. "You could be right…maybe we do need a getaway without the baby. We have been in parent mode…and having a baby isn't always easy on the marriage."

"Yeah…I know you'll hate hearing me say this but I was warned about that during the pregnancy."

He gave her a hint of a smile. "Maybe your mother should've reminded me about it during your pregnancy."

"She was probably afraid you'd get mad and put it on your list of lunch topics," Kate remarked.

"That's possible," he admitted. "So maybe sometime in January we could go away for the weekend."

"Well…my Dad mentioned something that seemed like a good idea the more I thought about it while holding my baby," she remarked. "What if, instead of going to Vermont for Christmas, we went for New Year's? My parents are willing to keep McKenzie and we could go, just the two of us…skiing and nice romantic dinners…a few nights to ourselves. What do you think?"

He shook his head. "The plans are in motion for Christmas."

"They're not set in stone," Kate replied. "It might be easier to go for New Year's."

"No; we already talked about doing it for Christmas and I'm sure the reservations will come through."

"Why does it have to be Christmas?"

"So McKenzie's first Christmas will be special by having that magical snow filled white Christmas atmosphere. It's a family Christmas trip…Alexis has been mentioning wanting to go skiing and since she's off from school it also works as something I can do with her as well."

"So really this trip is about Alexis."

"No, it's about all of us…you wanting to change it to New Year's is about you wanting to appease your parents."

"Changing it to New Year's would be making it about us," she replied. "Is it so terrible? I mean we'll have the time…you suggested January, but I can't take a long weekend in January when I'm taking vacation time right now for the holidays."

"Then we'll go in February," he stated.

Her brow rose. "You want to wait until February to be alone with me? Should I be worried about this relationship?"

"No; but should I be worried that now that we have a child, your parents are going to be constantly meddling in our plans when they don't like them? Because you can deny it all you want, but changing the plans is about them, not us."

"I brought it up because it does seem like a good idea… we could stand a few days together without the baby…and Alexis…and your mother…and before you bring it up, I'll throw mine in too just for the sake of peace," Kate stated. "For seven months we've been primarily baby, which we're supposed to be, plus there's work for both of us…and we just need to carve out some time together…don't you think?"

"Yes, of course," he replied. "But I want us to have our family Christmas that we planned today."

"We can have family Christmas in New York, Rick. Your mother lives with us, she'll be here…"

"Is it suddenly a problem that my mother lives here?" he asked.

"No! My God, I'm just making a point; Martha lives here so she'll be here for family Christmas no matter what. Alexis is on break from school…"

"And hardly around if you notice," he stated.

She laughed. "She has a boyfriend who has his own place; of course she isn't around a lot. She's in love, she's in a relationship…and she's not a child anymore, but I'm sure she'll be here for Christmas."

"I think if we don't go skiing, she'll choose to go with her friends."

"Then let her go," Kate replied. "It's not like you can stop her."

"No, I don't want her going off without us this year. I want a family Christmas. McKenzie should be with her big sister on her first Christmas."

"You're big on family Christmas but you don't mind McKenzie not seeing my family on the holiday," she stated.

"We talked about that," he said with a sigh. "They don't exactly scream happy holidays kind of relatives. We said we wanted a happy Christmas for McKenzie."

"We do…but she can have one here at home…and then we can have a happy New Year alone together at a nice resort, secure in the knowledge that our daughter is in the capable hands of her grandparents."

Castle sighed heavily. "Kate, I'm not changing the arrangements we've already been trying to make. Your parents will get over it. As for us going away, we'll find a time and if they don't want to watch her, we'll find someone else."

Kate shook her head. "I'm not going out of town and leaving my baby with someone who isn't blood related."

"Then we'll make sure she's with your chosen sitter when the time comes," he remarked.

She sighed in disgust. "I don't know why you won't even consider the switch? I mean I let you talk me into going to Vermont in the first place."

"Yes, and now your mother cried and talked you into not going."

"No, she didn't!" she yelled. "My father mentioned the idea of us going on our own for a few days."

"See, that's the problem I have," Castle remarked. "You don't want to go away and have alone time together because it was your idea; you want to go because it was daddy's idea that he probably thought up as soon as the first tear sprung to your mother's eye because he always has to make things better for her. If it had started as your idea and your idea alone, I'd be open to it…but I'm not doing it so you can make your parents happy, Kate. We are adults, we have a family, we make our plans, not them. There was a time when you would've never even considered bringing one of their ideas to the table…but we have a baby and suddenly everything they say sounds good to you. Why? We are not that desperate for a babysitter that you have to go along with everything they say."

Kate silently counted to ten…they kept having these stupid little fights…either about their differences on parenting, differences about family, about what to eat for dinner and any other thing they could bicker about lately. She was wondering if she should start to worry…or if it was just one of those rocky times that her mother had warned her about. "What's your problem today, Castle?" she asked, keeping her tone soft.

"At the moment it's my wife wanting to dismantle our family Christmas trip," he replied.

"Castle, you didn't even think this idea up until today…so what's going on?"

"Nothing; I just thought it would be nice to get away. We can have a white Christmas, McKenzie can have time with her sister and grandmother…maybe if you spend some time away from your parents, you'll be yourself again…we can have some time together while Mother watches McKenzie at the lodge."

"What the hell do you mean by I'll be myself again?" she retorted.

"Not so uptight," he replied. "You're always uptight this time of year because of your parents."

Kate stared at him for a long minute. "You know what; I don't feel like doing this tonight…I'm not going to do this tonight. Whatever it is that's bothering you, it isn't me, it isn't my parents, it's not McKenzie's sleep habits. When you're ready to tell me what it is, I'll be ready to listen, okay? Until then, I'm going to go get my shower and watch some TV while you do your work."

"Fine," he retorted as he watched his wife abandon her chair and head for the bedroom. He sighed deeply once she was out of sight; he just wanted a family Christmas…because he felt like the opportunities for having one were dwindling. It might escape Kate's notice but it didn't escape his…his mother spent several days a week with her long-time boyfriend Ben…and now Alexis was slipping away too, all involved with her boyfriend and hardly coming home at all. He didn't like the way things were changing and yet he knew there wasn't much he could do about it…but they were going to have family Christmas…and he didn't care if his in-laws liked it or not; he was going to have his family for Christmas. He just wished Sheila would hurry up and come through with the reservations…Kate would settle about the idea once it was set in stone. She'd see that it was still the good idea that she had thought it was earlier that day…before her mother cried and her father offered up helpful suggestions. She'd see that his way was for the best; a nice white Christmas in Vermont with their family…there was nothing better than that.

"What are you doing, sweetheart?" Jim asked as he entered their bedroom after getting ready for bed.

"Making a list for the market," Johanna replied. "I know one of the stipulations for going to the cabin is that I make a holiday meal, which I planned on anyway…and you've been recently undecided about what you want for Christmas dinner so I need you to decide so we know what to buy tomorrow. Do you want ham or do you want turkey?"

Jim settled into bed next to her. "Honestly, I kind of want turkey again…we could have ham for Easter; but what about you? Are you okay with having turkey for Christmas when we had it for Thanksgiving?"

"Yeah, I'm fine with it; I prefer it actually," she replied as she wrote turkey on her list.

"Will you make me another pumpkin pie?" he asked.

A small smile touched her lips. "Yes, dear."

Jim smiled, his hand rubbing her leg. "You're so good to me."

"I try, honey. What else do we want or need?"

"Potatoes."

"Already on the list. I'll have to get things to make the dressing for the turkey," she remarked as she wrote down a few more items.

"And you're going to make your mother's rolls, right?"

"Yes."

"And don't forget the ingredients for the fudge."

"Am I making fudge?" Johanna asked lightly.

"If you love me you will."

"Then I guess I better write down those ingredients as well because I do love you madly."

He gave a grin, his hand slipping beneath the covers to brush against the skin of her leg. "Madly, huh? How madly?"

"Not now, honey; I have a list to make."

"I can wait until you're finished…remember, you trained me a long time ago to be patient."

"I remember," she laughed. "But I think you're going to have to wait until we're at the cabin."

"That's two days away, sweetheart…this is the season for goodwill toward men, not cruel and unusual punishment."

Johanna laughed. "I'm hardly punishing you…you know I'm capable of way better punishment than making you wait two days."

"True; but still…it is the season of goodwill toward men."

"And what do the women get?"

He pondered that for a moment and then grinned at her. "The satisfaction of knowing they bestowed goodwill?"

"That doesn't sound like the sentiment of an equal opportunity season, darling."

Jim laughed quietly, his fingertips drawing circles against her skin. "Now you know that it's always fair and balanced between us, sweetheart…it's not over until we've both gotten what we wanted."

A grin curved her lips upward. "That is true…but not tonight…I'll be more in the mood when we're settled in at the cabin."

He patted her leg affectionately, letting her know that he wasn't bothered by being turned down. "Are you going to make the peppermint cake?"

She shrugged a little. "Do you want it?"

"You know I do…I wish you'd forgive me for that one you made the first year you were home."

"There's nothing to forgive," she replied. "You didn't like it as much and I made it wrong…it had been a long time, I wouldn't be mad if you didn't like it anymore after such a long time."

"Sweetheart, we've had more Christmases together than we've had apart."

"We had thirteen Christmases apart, Jim…thirteen…double digits, over a decade…things change."

"Yeah, we had thirteen Christmases apart…but we've had, counting this year, twenty-nine Christmases together."

"It should've been forty-two," she murmured.

Jim caught her chin and forced her to look at him. "It's not your fault and you know that…the amount we've had together is larger than the amount we've spent apart and we have many more to come."

"I know, but…"

"No, no buts…we both have painful memories but I know that every Christmas we were apart I was thinking of you and I know you were thinking of me. I know that it's not what you wanted…and I know that if we could go back and make it different, we would, but we can't and you made your peace about it, sweetheart…I don't want you to lose that."

She swallowed hard. "It's just this time of year…I know I didn't leave at Christmas; it was after…but I didn't get those damn decorations down before I went so it made it like it was still Christmas for all of us and it made it all worse…Christmas was tainted for you and Katie because I didn't put the decorations away."

"Jo," he said gently. "You need to stop torturing yourself about that. You weren't the only person in this house capable of putting those things away in a timely fashion. You have to find a way to let that go, sweetheart. I don't want that to eat at you every December…I want you to be able to look at a tree and enjoy it…it's part of why I make you put one up at the cabin."

"I know," she whispered as she wiped away a tear that had insisted on breaking free. "It's just…it's just easy to slip this time of year. I can't help but remember what happened…and I remember the first Christmas back and how bad it was. I just hate this time of year and I know it's terrible but I can't help it. I'm fine the rest of the year…we have friends and family and we do things, go places, I have work from mid-January to early May and then again from late August to early December. I've had McKenzie three days a week since Katie went back to work in July and during breaks from my work, sometimes you have a file or two I can look over so I'm busy and I don't have much time to think about things I shouldn't…but now it's December and Christmas is knocking on the door again…and bad memories come back. I tried not to hope for things to be different this year but I guess I did and now we know that McKenzie isn't going to be here…and even though I know it's stupid, a part of me wonders if they aren't going away just so they don't have to be around us on the holiday."

Jim took her hand. "I can't say I haven't thought the same thing; but we'll never know for sure."

"I know…and I don't feel good thinking that it might be the main reason they're going," Johanna murmured, her fingers trailing along the lines of his hand. "I know there are people who go away for Christmas….but it's usually to visit family, not to go on a ski trip when you have a seven month old baby and it's her first Christmas. I just can't help but feel like they're making sure we can't be around because we're not wanted."

"Yeah, I got that feeling too when I brought up that we could show up in Vermont and she made those cracks about age."

She sighed deeply. "I feel like I was good enough to be there through her pregnancy and I'm good enough to babysit…but I'm not good enough to be apart of my granddaughter's first Christmas. They've stayed in the state the last few years and now that they have a baby they decide to vacation at Christmas time? I mean I could understand it if Martha lived out of state and they were going to go see her for the holiday…but Martha and Alexis live here, their friends are here…we're here…but maybe that's why they're going, we're here."

"I feel that way too; that we're not wanted to be a part of the baby's first Christmas…and she couldn't make it any plainer that she wants us to head to the mountains while we're not needed…so who the hell knows, Jo; maybe they aren't even really going, maybe they just want us to go away for the holiday so there's no chance we'll pop up. I don't want to think that's true…but who knows. I'm disappointed too…and I don't know how to make it better for either one of us."

"I don't think you can," she murmured. "I know it's stupid but I feel angry and I hate that because things were good and I don't want to be angry…but I am…and I know she's grown and has a family of her own, God knows she tells us enough, but you'd think once in a blue moon, she'd spare us an hour on a holiday that matters."

"It's alright to be angry," Jim said quietly, his fingers curling around hers once more. "You don't have to push that feeling away just because things have been better. Katie did what she always does, tells us something last minute and then gets miffed when we don't take it the way she wants us to. I think we have every right to be a little hurt that we're not going to be included in McKenzie's Christmas."

"Even if it's not right I can't keep from feeling it."

"It's alright," he replied. "I know it's not going to be the Christmas that we were quietly hoping it would be but I'll do everything I can to make things nice for you this Christmas."

"You always do," Johanna whispered as she wiped away a tear. "As long as I have you I'm happy."

"I feel the same way."

"I'm glad we're going away," she remarked quietly. "It'll be better that way…if we stayed home I'd just be thinking about what we were missing. It's easier not to think those things up at the cabin."

"We're going, sweetheart," he told her, his fingertips trailing against her back. "I'll call Carl tomorrow and ask him to go down to the house and turn the heat on so it's warm when we get there and to make sure everything is alright."

Johanna nodded; Carl was a childhood friend of Jim and his brothers. He and his wife lived in his family home that wasn't too far from theirs. He kept an eye on things when they weren't around and didn't mind when Jim would call and ask him to do something for them to prepare for their arrival.

"You don't have any packages to be delivered, do you?" Jim asked, breaking into her thoughts once more.

"No, I got the last few things today. Do you think Jeff could get the mail and bring it in?"

"I'll call and ask him tomorrow; I'm sure he will. I think he and Maggie are staying home this year."

"Yeah; she mentioned that. They're allowed to have Noah for awhile on Christmas Eve."

"I'm glad they're getting that chance," he replied. "They didn't get him until after Christmas last year and I know it upset them."

"I guess it's our turn to be in that boat," Johanna remarked. "But I have a feeling we're going to be in that boat every year."

Jim wished he could say that wouldn't be the case but he felt the same way; that this year would set the precedent and it would be the way things always were. Before he could say anything, Johanna's phone rang on the nightstand. She grabbed it and frowned at the image on the screen.

"It's Katie," she stated. "I really don't feel like listening to whatever it is…and we probably know what it is."

"Then don't answer it, I won't get mad."

"What if it's something about the baby?"

"I'll answer it for you," he replied, taking the phone from her hand and accepting the call. "Hello?"

There was a pause and then his daughter's voice floated across the line. "Dad?"

"Yeah, that's what it says on your birth certificate," he replied.

"Funny," Kate replied. "I thought I hit Mom's number."

"You did."

"Why are you answering her phone?"

"Because as her husband I'm allowed to answer her phone, request certain meals and suggest that she wear certain outfits more often."

"I'm surprised you didn't say that you pick out her underwear," Kate said sarcastically.

"I have bought her some very nice things over the years," he remarked. "I've been told I have good taste."

"I did not need to know that and I doubt she'd want you telling people that you've bought her underwear."

"All husbands buy their wives underwear at one point or another," Jim stated. "It's just the way of life."

"I don't want to talk about your way of life…ever," Kate remarked. "Where is my mother?"

"She's taking a bath, can I take a message?"

"I thought she was usually finished with her bath by this time of night."

"Well after you insulted me and called me old, I needed to be consoled by my wife…who told me how wrong you are and now we're off schedule."

Johanna bit back a laugh, her eyes gleaming with affection as she patted his leg.

"I don't need to hear that, Dad," his daughter replied. "Because I know what you're implying and it just needs to be kept in a dark corner of your house."

"Who said it was dark; we don't care if the lights are on."

"More information I didn't need! Why are you punishing me like this!?"

"Because you deserve it," Jim replied. "Now what do you need? If it's a babysitter forget it, you've already released us from duty and told us we were un-needed."

"I don't need a babysitter and I didn't say you were un-needed in the way you implied."

"That's a matter of opinion; what did you need?"

"I was just calling to see if Mom was alright," Kate replied.

"Why wouldn't she be?" he asked.

"I know she's upset with me."

"She's fine."

"It didn't seem like it when I left."

"Did you expect her to jump for joy that don't want us around for our granddaughter's first Christmas?"

"I didn't say I don't want you around," she said with a huff. "I said that we made plans to go away because we want McKenzie's first Christmas to be special; we want her to have snow."

"I doubt McKenzie cares about snow; she's seven months old, it's not like she can go out and play in it."

"Well we care, Rick wants a white Christmas."

"Then why can't you come up to the cabin?" Jim asked. "We could all go; there's room for everyone."

"Dad," she sighed. "Martha and Alexis aren't going to want to stay there, I don't think they'd feel comfortable there."

"We gave a solution for that."

"I don't think it would be right for me to say well we're staying with my parents and you two can go stay at the hotel if you don't like it."

"What's the difference between staying at a hotel in the mountains of New York and a ski lodge in Vermont?"

"In Vermont we'll all be at the same place."

"We're offering for all of you to be at the same place; do they think they'll catch something if they stay with us? Alexis has stayed under our roof before."

"I know and look at what happened."

"That was the fault of your husband."

"Dad, I'm getting a headache."

"You called me, I didn't call you."

"Actually I called my mother."

"She's still in the bath."

"Maybe you should go check on her."

"She's fine, I just heard the water running a few minutes ago," he lied. "You just want to change the subject but I'm not done yet."

"That's not what you said earlier."

"I lied," he stated. "You say you want McKenzie's first Christmas to be special…how is it special when part of her family isn't going to be there?"

"She's going to be with her parents, her sister and her grandmother."

"So on holidays, Martha is her only grandparent?" he asked. "Is that how it is, Katie? Your mother's good enough to rearrange her life to be able to babysit three days a week, but she's not good enough to be with you and your child on Christmas?"

"No one said that," she said sharply.

"No one has to say it, you kind of make it clear. We're good enough when you need someone…we're just not good enough to be there when you don't need something."

"That's not true! I don't have to have my vacations approved by you, McKenzie is my kid and I'll take her wherever the hell I want. I highly doubt the two of you planned on being a big part of her Christmas anyway; you two don't even do anything for the holiday; Mom doesn't even decorate. I didn't see any indication that she was changing her ways about the holiday so I really didn't think it would be a big deal," Kate said, her tone brimming with annoyance. She had felt that way until she gave the news and now she felt guilty in regard to her parents and was annoyed by her husband's behavior that evening. She was getting annoyed by everything that day really. She felt like she wasn't even sure what she wanted for the holiday other than for McKenzie to be happy.

"Maybe you don't see it because you don't bother to look," Jim replied. "But you're right, it's your kid, you're grown, you can go wherever the hell you want. We know where we stand on this topic. Now do you have a message you want to leave for your mother or not?"

"I just wanted to make sure she was okay."

"She's fine, she's used to disappointment; she doesn't even bat an eye at it anymore. She's been busy all evening making grocery lists for our holiday dinner, cleaning, and being my loving, attentive wife. You don't need to worry, I take care of her."

"I know you do," she said quietly. "And I know you're angry at me too."

"Not at all," he laughed. "Who needs kids and grandchildren around on holidays? Like you said, we can have a break...we won't be anyone's parent or grandparent for a few weeks, Merry Christmas to us, it'll be like the 70s again."

"I'm sorry, Dad."

"Don't be sorry, Katie; just have a nice holiday. You don't need to worry about us; we're not going to bother you."

"I didn't say we had to cut off contact," Kate remarked. "I just said I wouldn't be there for Christmas."

"You never are so really it isn't anything new…except for the part where McKenzie is concerned but I guess we should have seen that coming. We're not going to hold it against you if you don't call or text, you'll be busy…believe me we know how busy Christmas is with a child. We don't expect anything, Katie; so you go and have a nice time with your family and we'll go do our own thing and we'll see you sometime in January, okay?"

"Can you just go see if Mom is finished with her bath…I called to talk to her, not to get your backhanded lectures and guilt trips."

"Backhanded lectures and guilt trips?" Jim asked. "If I want to lecture you I'll do it outright, there isn't anything backhanded about it. I was sincere in what I had just said to you when I told you to have a nice time and that we know how busy holidays are with a kid and we don't expect anything. If you have guilt it's of your own making."

"You stir the pot," she remarked. "Don't act like you weren't lecturing and guilt tripping because you are…just like you always do."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Katie. It won't happen again."

"That's what you always say."

"I'll tell your mother you called," Jim replied.

"I'll be up for awhile, she can call back."

He nearly scoffed but stopped himself. "I'll let her know. Goodnight."

His daughter told him goodnight and he ended the call. "Your daughter will be up for awhile so you can call back," he told Johanna as he handed her the phone.

"That's alright, I'll pass," she replied as she silenced her phone and laid it on the nightstand. "I need to get back to this list for the market."

"We need snacks," Jim declared.

Johanna wrote snacks on her list. "We better get coffee and soda. I might still have some tea bags at the cabin; if not, I'll get some at the store in town up there. We can go there to get orange juice and milk too…maybe the bread too, I like that bread that store sells, it tastes like homemade."

"We'll get it there," he replied. "We can get some of the other essentials up there too; that will help cut down on what we need to pack into the car."

"That's true."

"We should make a list of DVDs to take with us," Jim told her. "We can have some marathons of our favorite shows."

Johanna nodded. "Good idea. We'll do that tomorrow; I'll make a note of it on my market list so we don't forget."

"What else do we need to do?"

"We need to gather up the gifts we have for each other so they can be taken with us. We need to pack. We need to clean out anything that might go bad in the fridge while we're gone. If you're going to take some work with you, I'm going to take my laptop and do a little work on my lesson plans when we're not busy…if you don't mind."

"I don't mind," he replied. "No work on Christmas though."

"I promise," she told him. "I won't do any on Christmas Eve either."

"Take a dress, I'll take you to church on Christmas Eve; I know it's important to you. As for work…let's put it off until after Christmas and just enjoy the few days we'll have leading up to the holiday. We deserve some downtime."

"Yeah, I guess we could do that," she replied; although doing some work would've distracted her from overthinking about the holiday…but she'd just make her husband distract her.

"We don't have to rush back the day after New Year's," Jim said, his fingertips brushing against her back. "We could stay a few extra days."

"I don't know when Katie will be going back to work."

"We can still take a few extra days if we want; Rick can stay home with McKenzie for an extra day or two if we don't want to hurry back."

"Maybe we can talk more about that once we're up there."

He rubbed her back. "Good idea."

"You know, if we got up early tomorrow, we could start knocking things off our to-do list…and we could possibly leave Sunday afternoon…we could get up there before dark if we got done in time."

Jim continued to rub his hand along her back soothingly; he knew she was desperate to get away now that she knew for sure that Katie and McKenzie wouldn't be spending any part of the holiday with them. He knew she wanted to go as quickly as they could so she wouldn't have to dwell on their absence…so those grey clouds sweeping across her mind wouldn't darken and make it harder for her to get through the holiday. "We'll see what we can do, sweetheart," he told her. "For now, why don't you put your list and your pen on the nightstand and curl up here with me and watch a show so you'll be able to fall asleep in a little while. I promise; we'll get up there to the cabin as soon as possible."

Johanna gave him a small smile as she laid her notepad and pen on the nightstand and then slid down under the covers, moving close to her husband to kiss him goodnight. "I love you," she murmured before snuggling against his chest.

"I love you too," he told her. "And I promise…we'll have a nice Christmas, just the two of us. We'll just pretend it's 1978 and we don't have a kid yet."

She gave a soft laugh. "Okay, we can try that…again."

"It'll be fine," he promised.

"I know," Johanna murmured. It would be a little empty…but it would be fine.