Chapter 8
That afternoon, after lunch had been made and eaten without her husband's presence at the table; Kate picked up the baby monitor from the counter and sighed a little. Martha was upstairs in her room; she would hear McKenzie if she got up from her nap but she carried the monitor with her anyway as she headed toward her husband's office. The door was still closed but she pushed it open and slipped inside, picking up on the sound of his fingers tapping furiously against his keyboard as he pounded out a chapter for one of his books. "Hey," she said quietly. "Do you have a minute?"
"I want to get this done, Kate; it's my third chapter of the day…I don't really want to break the streak now," Castle answered.
"What's wrong, Rick?" she asked as she sat down in the chair across from his desk; undeterred by his comment that he wanted to keep writing.
"Not a thing; I'm making excellent progress with this book today."
"You know that's not what I'm talking about," she replied. "You've been in a mood for days."
"I just want us to have a nice family Christmas. Mother apparently doesn't want to be a part of it so we'll carry on without her. It's not the first time a man has come first in her life."
"She's not trying to hurt you," Kate told him. "She just wants to spend Christmas with Ben this year; what's so wrong with that? He's a nice man and they have been together for a few years now…it's probably past time for her to meet his family."
"Okay, maybe that's true but why does it have to be on Christmas?" he asked. "She should be with us on Christmas; not Ben and a bunch of strangers she doesn't even know. It's McKenzie's first Christmas; you would think that would matter more to her."
"Martha loves McKenzie," she replied; "And I'm sure the fact that it is her first Christmas does matter to her…she's bought her gifts and she's going to spend time with her before she leaves…but you can't just hang McKenzie over her head to try and make her feel bad for wanting something else this year."
"We always spend Christmas together, Kate," he said sharply. "Every year we've been together for Christmas…now all of a sudden she wants to run off…and to Phoenix at that! Phoenix doesn't even have true December weather."
"Things change, Castle. Did you listen to what she said? She feels comfortable going this year because she knows you won't be alone because you have me and the baby and Alexis. She knows you're taken care of and so she can have this for herself. Don't you want her to be happy?"
"Of course I do…but I still think she belongs with us on Christmas; just because I have you and McKenzie doesn't mean she should just check out of the important things in our lives."
"And being your mother doesn't mean that you have to be the only important thing in her life," she remarked. "Martha is allowed to have a life outside of us, Rick."
"I know that," he snapped; "And she does have one; that's why she's hardly around anymore. Any day now she'll be bringing Ben home and introducing him as my new daddy."
Kate laughed. "You're being ridiculous! Martha isn't getting married; she's just spending Christmas with her boyfriend, that's all."
"You don't know her like I do; she's going to make this one number four, I can feel it in my bones. By this time next year, she'll probably be married or at the very least, living with him full time and we'll never see her. McKenzie will think her only grandmother is your mother…because my mother seems to think that because McKenzie has other involved grandparents that she doesn't need to be around like she was for Alexis…so McKenzie will grow up thinking primarily of your parents."
"She will not! Martha would never just walk away from McKenzie. What has gotten into you lately? You're so mad about your mother not being with us at Christmas but you don't care that I don't see my parents on holidays."
"That's different."
"How do you figure?"
"It's quite simple, Kate; my mother didn't have to fake her death and leave her family, therefore ruining their holidays forever," Castle stated. "That was your mother…so I've never blamed you for not wanting to spend holidays with her because if I was in your shoes, I wouldn't want to spend holidays with her either…especially with her depressing mood this time of year…and I think some of it she puts on in hopes of guilting you into moving in for the week of Christmas or something. My family has traditions, as you know, because you've been made a part of them for the last few years. We have a normal family Christmas and I want to continue to do that for McKenzie's sake."
"That's a low road to take, Rick," Kate replied. "My mother doesn't put on her pain, it's real…and no, I don't like seeing it because it's a reminder of what happened…but she can't just turn it on and off on a whim. My family had traditions too…we had normal family Christmases…wonderful Christmases. So don't act like you have something better than we do…ours might be in the past but they still meant a lot to us. Like I said; things change…and you might have to face the fact that life is changing. You're not the only man in Martha's life anymore but guess what; she's capable of loving you both. She deserves to have a happy Christmas with the man she loves and you need to stop acting like a ten year old who is suddenly mad that his mother wants to spend time with someone else. I'm sure Martha is going to spend many Christmases in the future with us; and maybe she'll want to bring Ben with her."
"You think I should tell her to invite Ben to go skiing with us for Christmas this year?" he asked.
"No! I'm saying that your concept of what this holiday should look like may need to evolve to include him one day. I don't think Ben is going to give up Christmas with his family for a last minute ski trip."
"But it's okay for my mother to give up Christmas with us to go with him to Phoenix?"
Kate sighed deeply. "Yeah; it is…because Martha made that choice for herself. You need to tell her that there aren't any hard feelings and that you hope she has a nice time."
Castle scoffed. "I can't help wanting my family to be together for Christmas, Kate. I feel like our family Christmases are dwindling so I'd like to at least get in one more before they abandon us completely."
"What are you talking about?"
"Look around you!" he exclaimed. "Mother and Alexis are hardly ever around anymore and now Mother is running off with her boyfriend for Christmas…the most important family holiday of the year. My family Christmases are evaporating."
"Martha and Alexis aren't the only people in your family, Rick; you do have a wife and an infant daughter…what the hell are we?"
"You know what I mean," he sighed.
"Maybe I don't."
"Kate," he huffed. "I know you and McKenzie are my family…but the family is supposed to grow, not dwindle."
"Oh, so you got me and McKenzie and that means to you that you're losing the other portion of your family?"
"You're making it sound like something I don't mean," he remarked.
"It's kind of hard to take it any other way at the moment, Rick."
He sighed once more. "Listen; I just wanted Christmas to be me, you, McKenzie, Alexis and Mother…our family. I want us all to be together and now Mother has thrown a wrench in that all for Ben the baker man."
"You don't mind Ben the baker man when he's sending her home with free doughnuts," Kate replied.
"I will now…now that I know he was sending them to lure my mother away for the holidays."
Kate laughed. "You really are being ridiculous. You know I could get this if this was the first time in your life that you had see your mother with a boyfriend…but she's been married three times and had other boyfriends all in the span of your lifetime so…come on; you need to let this go. She's allowed to have Christmas away from us."
"That doesn't mean I have to like it," he said with a frown.
"What else is bothering you?"
"I told you; no one is ever around anymore."
She sighed. "Martha and Alexis still love you as much as they ever did; just because they have lives away from you doesn't mean that anything has changed in regard to their feelings. I'm sure Alexis will be with us for Christmas."
"I just wish Mother would reconsider and come to Vermont with us," he stated; ignoring the comment she had made.
"You know, we don't have to go to Vermont," Kate replied. "We could just stay here…or…we can take McKenzie and Alexis and go to my parents. I talked to Mom this morning and she said we could if our plans fell through."
He looked at her questioningly. "Are you hoping they fall through?"
"No; I'm just saying we have other options if they do."
Castle shook his head. "I'm not going to your parents cabin in the middle of nowhere. Alexis and I wouldn't be comfortable there."
"There's a town nearby; don't act like they're a hundred miles from civilization. I don't know why it would be uncomfortable; there are plenty of rooms. We call it a cabin but in reality it's a large country home."
"Then why call it a cabin?"
"Because the original house, which is still on the property, is a cabin. It belonged to my great grandparents. When my grandparents took it over; the cabin was too small and Grandma didn't like it so Grandpa and his father and brother built the house we still use now. It's a beautiful house with a lot of rooms. My parents have the master bedroom and it's downstairs; the four of us would be upstairs."
He shook his head. "We already made plans for Vermont."
"But if they fall through, we could go to the cabin."
"Kate, I don't want to stay with your parents!" he exclaimed.
"Why not! My mother has stayed here before."
"That was a long time ago and under different circumstances…like the fact that she didn't have a choice but to go where you said. It's totally different."
"Yeah; it always is when it comes to you," she retorted. "What's wrong with staying with my parents?"
"You know how your mother is," he muttered; his fingers resuming the scene he was working on. "Everything has to be her way."
"Yeah; in her house things are done her way…just like in this home things are done our way."
"Her way and my way don't mesh," Castle stated. "I don't want to stay there; they're not all that crazy about me."
Kate rolled her eyes. "I can't imagine why that might be. You know you were doing better with them but now you're being an ass again…like when my mom was here yesterday and I don't understand why."
"She had no business buying you a gift from McKenzie!" he exclaimed. "That's my job! But she has to do it all; and every other word out of your mouth about anything is 'my mother, my mother, my mother' and when she walks in a room, that's who McKenzie wants. I get tired of it. Mother is running off with her boyfriend, Alexis is never around and you just want to be with your mother non-stop ever since McKenzie was born so what the hell does that leave me, Kate?"
"That's not true! I'm with you all the time; yes, I like having her advice on things about the baby…and yeah, we talk about her because she watches our child. Of course McKenzie wants her when she sees her; they have a bond…just like she wanted Martha as soon as she stepped into her line of vision because they have a bond too. I'm not any different than any other woman in the world when it comes to her mother, Rick; we all want our moms around. I didn't get to have mine for a very long time…and then I spent additional time being an angry bitch and hurting her every time I turned around and now that we're in a better place, yeah, I want to keep our bond strong…and I'm not going to apologize for that. You're not the only person in my world, Castle; you're not the only person in McKenzie's world, Martha's or Alexis's…we all love you with all of our hearts but you can't just keep us all to yourself. Do you even hear how you're acting?"
"Yeah; I hear it…but you don't. I'm losing my family and you don't care."
"You're not losing anyone!" she exclaimed. "We're all still here…in my opinion; you're acting like McKenzie and I aren't enough for you when it comes to the holidays and you make it clear you want my parents completely cut off for Christmas because you have it in your head that your way of Christmas is the only way…well it's not. Life and families change…and sometimes traditions and holidays have to evolve with those changes."
"Well maybe I'm not ready," he retorted; "That's why I wanted one more family Christmas; especially with it being McKenzie's first…because the rate things are going, it would be the only one she had but her grandmother already bailed."
Kate sighed deeply. "Castle; you're not losing your family…Martha is finally in a good, loving relationship…one that she deserved to find long ago and she has a right to want to spend Christmas with Ben. She loves us, she loves her grandchildren…but her world has expanded to include Ben. Alexis is a grown woman, she's a college student who is very involved with things on campus and yes, she has a boyfriend…and I know you don't care for him but Alexis loves him and she wants to spend her time with him. You're not the only man in her life anymore either…I know it's hard, but you're going to have to get used to it, babe; because it's the way it's supposed to be. You can be the man of McKenzie's life for a while."
"Unless I'm in a room with your father and then her grandfather is the man of her life."
"Oh my God, really? You're jealous of everyone, aren't you?"
"I'm not jealous; I'd just like things to be the way they were," Castle replied.
"Well they're not the way they were anymore and you have to accept that; the family isn't shrinking…it's growing. Martha has Ben in her life; Alexis has a boyfriend…I have parents…whether you like it or not; plus I have aunts, uncles and a collection of cousins. The world hasn't gotten smaller; it's gotten bigger…most of all because we have McKenzie…and one day, when she's a little older, hopefully she'll have a little brother or sister to make our family even bigger."
"We don't have to wait," he said.
"Yeah, we do," Kate replied; "I do hope to have another baby…but not until McKenzie is about three."
"Three!?"
"Yes! I'm not ready for another pregnancy yet, Castle; and besides; she's my first baby and I want to enjoy every moment with her as she goes through these first few years of her life…I don't want to miss something because I have two babies in diapers at the same time. She's only seven months old; she doesn't need a younger sibling right now."
"I guess that's true," he admitted.
"It is…so see, I'm open to the family growing even more…and you need to try to be more open to the additional people who are already here. You need to tell your mother that she has your blessing…you need to keep in mind that Vermont could fall through…and that my family doesn't have the plague and spending a few days with them wouldn't be the horrible thing you imagine."
"I'm pretty sure it would be…that's why we're not going."
"I didn't know you got to make all the decisions around here, Castle."
"I don't…but that one I'm pretty firm about. I do not want to stay with your parents…so I'm praying really hard that Sheila comes through for me with Vermont."
Kate frowned; a part of her wishing that they could go to the cabin and have Christmas with her parents. Maybe it would be the one way she could break those stupid rules she had imposed that first Christmas. She was starting to regret agreeing to Vermont…especially now that Martha wasn't coming along. They had been counting on Martha keeping the baby so they could slip off to the slopes for a few hours but that wasn't going to happen now that they didn't have a sitter…because she didn't imagine that Alexis would want to give up her time on the slopes to babysit her sister and she didn't blame her for it…and she wasn't about to leave McKenzie with strangers at some resort daycare…so what was the point in going?
"Would it really be so bad to have Christmas with my parents?" she asked.
"I don't want their kind of Christmas, Kate; and you said you didn't either. We want a happy Christmas; not a depressing one."
Kate rose from the chair. "I have to tell you, Castle; the mood you're in this week, I don't think it's going to matter where we end up…I don't think it's going to be all that happy…and it's going to be because of you and the stupid things you've been sitting around convincing yourself of that aren't true. So maybe you should think about that."
Castle breathed deeply; that pool of frustration deep within him growing instead of dwindling. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, Kate. I promise I'll be in a better mood for Christmas. I'm sure once we're out of the city we're all going to feel better. It'll be good to get away for a little while, don't you think?"
"Yeah, I guess so," she replied; not wanting to start another argument. "I'm going to let you get back to your chapter and I'm going to go check on the baby."
Castle watched her slip out the door, closing it behind her softly. He knew he was being somewhat irrational but he couldn't help it…nor could he find his usual amount of Christmas spirit. It was hard to be joyous when you could feel your family slipping through your fingers.
As they worked their way around a department store, Jim noted that his usually happy to shop wife seemed a bit hesitant as they moved nearer to the aisles of Christmas decorations. He wasn't going to let her back out of it though…not that she had asked…but still; they were going to do this. It was time.
"What do you want to look at first?" he asked. "Ornaments? Wreaths? Things to set around the house?"
"I don't know," Johanna said, her hands gripping the handle of the cart. She was so used to avoiding the aisles of Christmas décor that she wasn't sure where to begin.
"Maybe we should start small," her husband suggested. "How about we look for something for on the door first?"
"Alright," she replied, steering the cart toward the aisle full of wreaths and other décor for doors. She moved down the aisle slowly; taking in all the selections, from the poofy, sparkling variety made of mesh to the primitive looking wreaths that made her wrinkle her nose in distaste. There were decorations shaped like snowflakes, Christmas balls and candy canes…but none of it seemed to be what she was looking for.
"See anything you like yet?" Jim asked.
"No, not really," she admitted; making her way to the end of the aisle.
"Well we have other stores to visit if we don't find everything you want here," he told her.
"I know," she replied, pausing at the end cap of the aisle, her eye caught by a simple wreath of red and white poinsettias. She reached for it, taking it down from the metal arm it hung on. This was more of what she had in mind she thought to herself as she examined it; it was pretty and understated…and she thought it would look nice on the front door of the cabin. She glanced up at her husband, searching his face for any hint of how he felt about the item but he merely smiled at her.
"Do you like that one?" he asked.
Johanna nodded. "Yeah, I do…what do you think of it?"
"It's nice," Jim replied, touching the velvety petal of the artificial flowers that made up the wreath. "It's you."
"It's me?" she asked.
"Yeah; it's not over the top like some of the things hanging here. It's simple and pretty and doesn't need a lot of glitter to be that way. Get it if you like it."
She gave him a small smile and put the wreath in the cart. "Do you think we should get one for the back door?"
Jim nodded. "I think so."
She took down another wreath and put it in the cart as well. "I guess the door is done now," she remarked.
"Yes…but there are other things that need decorated."
Johanna breathed deeply. "I didn't know where to start…and even though we started, I don't know what to look for next."
"We'll just go up and down the aisles and see what catches your eye," Jim remarked, his hand at the small of her back, nudging her to the next aisle.
"You wouldn't think it would be this hard," she murmured to him. "I buy things all the time."
"This is different though…these are things you wouldn't let yourself buy for a long time. I know it isn't easy…but just relax and let yourself want it," he told her.
She would do her best, Johanna thought to herself as she allowed Jim to nudge her forward. She felt the warmth of his hand at the small of her back and she took a soft breath, telling herself to relax as she moved along the aisle. Slowly she started to collect things like Christmas themed dish towels and pretty lace scarves for the stands that had red poinsettias embroidered on them. She collected a snowman that lit up to set on the piano…a Santa Claus that held a tealight candle for on another stand. She chose other small items to set around, feeling Jim's hand rub against her back with each item she put in the cart as if he was silently praising her for each thing she chose.
It was silly in some ways, to need that kind of support to buy things as simple as Christmas decorations, Johanna thought to herself…but she did need it…and she appreciated the soft pressure of his hand at her back; the comforting movement of his fingertips that offered that praise and encouragement. She finally came upon the aisle full of ornaments and she slowly moved along it, just looking at first and then making a second pass to begin selecting small things that had caught her eye. She grabbed a fuzzy little snowman, a retro looking Santa Claus ornament that reminded her of some her mother had long ago. She picked up a pack of pretty glass Christmas balls that were decorated with holiday scenes. Jim drifted up the aisle a small piece but she remained where she was, examining the selection until she spotted a pretty ballerina and she reached for it.
"Look what I found," Jim said, returning to her side, holding out a small ornament.
Johanna smiled at the sight of the little grey and white calico kitten with a Santa hat on its head. "That's perfect for Scarlett," she said softly.
"I had to go through every cat ornament on the rack down there to find it," Jim declared.
She pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "You did a good job, honey," she told him, placing the cat ornament in the cart.
"I hope Scarlett appreciates it," he quipped.
"I'm sure she will."
"What have you found?" he asked her.
"I like this ballerina," she said, showing him the elegant dancer clad in a white tutu.
"Get it," Jim said; "Then the one Frank gave you will have a friend."
"Two ballerinas would be pretty, wouldn't they?"
He nodded and reached for one that was wearing a blue tutu. "Three would be even better," he said, handing it to her. "The one from Frank is at the center of the tree…you could put that white on one side and this blue one on the other…have a little trio of dancers across that section of the tree."
Her eyes lit up at the idea. "That would be pretty…the blue one will be from you."
He gave her a smile as he placed the ballerina in the cart. "That sounds good. I think our tree is going to very pretty with our cherished ornaments and some new."
"And some of Elizabeth's," she stated. "I still want to use some of Liz's things…maybe we can pick out our favorite things of your mother's that way there's room for some of hers, some of ours and some new."
Jim gave her a nod. "I think that's a very good idea."
They moved further down the aisle and paused at another display of ornaments. Jim spotted a little elephant with pink spots; and in the largest spot was written 'Baby's First Christmas'. He picked up the flat box containing the ornament and handed it to his wife. "Just because we won't be with McKenzie on Christmas doesn't mean we can't represent her on our tree," he stated.
"That's true," Johanna said softly; lifting the ornament to see the smooth back of it. "I can write her name and the date on the back," she remarked before placing the ornament in the cart and giving her attention back to the display. She picked up an ornament of two snow birds happily cuddled together on a branch that bore the words 'You're still the one' and she smiled, turning it for her husband to see. "For us," she said as she met his gaze. "I know we have our heart…but we could have this too."
He kissed her softly. "I like it…the heart is from the beginning of our marriage and this can be for this stage of our lives."
Johanna placed it in the cart and looked at the next display showcasing small ornaments with names on them. She searched through them, finding a penguin with a pink hat and the name Katie written on its scarf. She smiled; her daughter would probably roll her eyes at it but she didn't need to worry about her seeing it she figured and she laid it in the cart under Jim's watchful gaze. "I figure it's probably time for Katie to have something new on our tree too," she explained.
"I agree," he said; searching through the names until he found 'McKenzie'. I know we already got the baby an ornament but since her name is here and it matches her mommy's, we should get it too. I'm going to find your name next."
Johanna laughed. "Good luck with that, no one ever has my name on anything; but I see yours," she said, plucking the penguin from the rack, his red scarf bearing the name 'James'.
"I've been challenged now," he said as he began his search.
"Don't forget it has to be spelled right…don't go thinking I won't notice if the 'h' is missing because I always notice."
"I know, sweetheart," he said with a grin as he continued to sort through ornaments in the J section.
"You're not going to find it," she remarked after he finished searching one row and moved to the next.
"Would you care to make a wager?"
"What kind?" she asked.
"If I find your name; you have to not only bake peanut butter cookies; you have to bake sugar cookies too," he stated.
Her brow rose. "And if I win?"
"I'll be your love slave."
She smirked at him. "That kind of sounds like more winning for you."
He shrugged; a teasing gleam in his eyes. "I'm just lucky like that."
"Uh huh; if I win; you have to wash the dishes after Christmas dinner."
"Fine, if you insist on giving punishments that aren't fun."
"Oh I do," she said with a nod.
"It's too bad you won't be seeing it through," he stated as he took a penguin from the rack and handed it to her. "Make sure you pick up some Christmas cookie cutters, sweetheart; you've got some baking to do. And please notice that the name on that penguin is spelled correctly, J-O-H-A-N-N-A."
She eyed him with suspicion after checking the name on the penguin and putting it in the cart. "You saw it before you made the bet, didn't you?"
Jim smiled. "You can't prove anything one way or another."
"You cheated! Just like that coin toss!"
"Still can't prove it," he quipped. "Let's go find cookie cutters."
"I don't know what I'm going to do with you, Jim Beckett," she stated as she pushed the cart along.
"Now, sweetheart; you know that's not true. You always come up with plenty of ideas and I'm always receptive," he said suggestively.
She smirked at him. "Don't make me run you down with this cart."
"You wouldn't do that," he quipped; his arm slipping around her. "That would get you on the naughty list and you can't risk that…because I know you're getting really good presents this year."
"Cheating in coin tosses and bets with your wife might get you on the naughty list…which would really be a shame because I know what you're getting and you wouldn't want to lose those gifts."
Jim brushed a kiss against her temple. "I'm not worried; Santa understands when men are led astray by their wives."
"Uh huh," she said. "Well we wives have an in with Mrs. Claus; so I'm not worried a bit either."
He patted her hip. "Well then, I guess we can be as bad as we want…we'll get started on that later."
"You just always come out a winner, don't you?" she laughed.
He laughed with her. "I told you; I'm just lucky like that."
She pressed a kiss to his cheek and he patted her hip once more, feeling the difference in her now that she had relaxed. They were going to do fine, he was sure of it.
"What's that?" Johanna asked as she moved to her husband's side as he examined a large set of tools near the aisles they had been shopping in.
"They're tools," he replied. "This is a very nice set…good price too."
"It does look like there are a lot of things in there; I don't know what half of them are," she commented. He launched into an explanation about the various size and gauges of the tools included and she smiled up at him indulgently. "They're man toys, right," she teased.
He grinned at her. "Right."
"And what would you use these tools for if you had them?" she asked.
"Oh they'd be nice for any project," Jim remarked as he sat the box down. "Some of those things would be especially nice for working on cars."
"Ah, the other man toy."
"Right," he laughed.
She knew a hint when she heard one…just like when he had been hinting for that other car gadget that she had no idea what it was but she had bought it and wrapped it and it was waiting for him. "Honey; will you do something for me?"
"Sure, sweetheart; name it."
"That aisle on the other side of these shelves facing us has candle warmers in it…would you run over there and grab me two? I don't want to forget them and I want to finish looking here at these Christmas things," she said, gesturing to an end cap near the tool set.
Jim nodded. "Yeah; I'll run over there and get them; I'll be right back."
"Thank you," she said as he moved away. When he turned the corner, she picked up the tool set and put it in her cart, doing her best to conceal it with the other things she had loaded in it. "Merry Christmas to Jim," she stated.
"Husbands are so subtle about tools they want, aren't they?" a woman asked with a laugh as she stood on the other side of the display.
"Very," Johanna laughed. "What's on that side that might appeal to subtle husbands?"
"Tool boxes," she replied. "I already bought that tool set for my husband…we were in here last night and he noticed the tool boxes…I figure he'll need one to put the new tools in because there won't be room in the others…and he commented about how nice they are."
Johanna nodded and rounded the display. "Sounds like a good theory, I guess I better grab one too…and go find some wrapping paper. I thought I was done my gift shopping; I guess I was wrong."
"I know the feeling," her fellow shopper commiserated. "They have wrapping paper up near the cash registers."
"Thanks, I'll be sure to look there."
"No problem," the woman replied as she too put a tool box in her cart. "Have a nice Christmas."
"You too."
Johanna hurried to shuffle things around in the cart; hoping to conceal the items she had added from Jim's view. She had just finished when she caught sight of him heading back toward her. "Are there the right ones?" he asked, showing her the candle warmers.
"They are," she said; putting them in the cart. "Thank you. While we're out and about I'd like to go to Bath and Body Works; I got an email, candles are on sale."
"Alright," he replied; knowing his wife's love for scented candles and hand soaps…and whatever else she found in that haven for women.
"Look at these," she said pushing the cart along as she showed him one of the boxes she had laying on top of her cart full of items. Inside the boxes were three thick candles decorated for Christmas. "They're those battery operated flameless candles," she told him. "I think they're pretty…I got two sets."
He smiled, glad that she had relaxed and seemed to be enjoying herself. "They are; you get as many as you want."
"Two sets will be enough. I still haven't found anything for on the mantle yet…I might have to look in the other stores."
"That's not a problem," Jim replied as they moved along. "I told you we'd go to as many stores as you wanted."
"I know…but I know how I am when I'm shopping…I tend to take awhile and I don't want you to get bored."
"I'm never bored when I'm with you," he told her as they headed toward the front of the store.
She smiled. "That's mutual."
He brushed a kiss against her temple as she spotted the box containing rolls of wrapping paper and headed toward it. "What are you doing?" he asked as she picked two rolls of paper and put them in the cart.
"I'm concealing gifts from you in this cart," she told him. "I need wrapping paper to wrap them…and I'm going to need you not to be standing there when those gifts are being rung up."
"What did you get me?" he asked with a teasing grin.
"You'll find out on Christmas; grab me some batteries for my candles, please; they need double A's."
Jim headed to the display of batteries and selected a few packs; picking up a few other sizes just in case something would be purchased that would need them. He headed back to her as she got in line and laid the packs of batteries in the cart. "You want me to unload the cart?" he asked.
She smirked at him knowingly as she grabbed a few magazines from the rack. "No, I don't; you're not getting a sneak peek of the extra items I picked up. When it's my turn, you can go somewhere up near the door and wait on me."
"That's not fair," he replied. "I thought we were all about togetherness for this trip."
"We are, honey; but all's fair in love and Christmas gifts."
"Such a stickler for the rules," he remarked.
"That's right," she said with a wink. "Don't you forget it."
"Alright," he laughed. "Do you have your credit card?"
"I never leave home without it," Johanna replied.
Jim nodded. "Then I'll wait for you by the door so you can keep your secrets."
"Thank you," she said, rubbing his arm. "I'm sure you'll be rewarded for your cooperation."
"That sounds promising," Jim remarked as she began to pull items from the cart. "I'll be waiting for you, sweetheart."
She gave him a nod and a smile; sending him on his way so he wouldn't see the tool set and the tool box.
At their next stop, Johanna found a nice centerpiece of lighted garland and pretty red votive cups for on the mantle; along with a pretty frame for McKenzie's picture. She found strands of battery operated lights and cute solar powered characters to sit on the kitchen window sill. She didn't know if she'd be able to use everything she had picked up but she found that she couldn't resist…and Jim kept encouraging her to buy things she liked. Johanna felt that she had collected enough decorations though and she began to wander through the store, wondering where her husband had gotten to. Something had caught his eye and he told her he'd catch up with her but he had yet to return to her side.
She moved through the store, feeling relaxed…and oddly enough, somewhat at ease with the idea that she'd be going home and decorating the house. Maybe it wouldn't so bad this year…they'd miss the baby and Katie but they could be happy just the two of them. As she continued looking around, she came across an encyclopedia of classic cars and she just couldn't resist buying it for Jim. He would love it, she mused as she buried it in the cart. She then spotted a thick hardback book of five minute bedtime stories featuring Disney Princesses that she couldn't resist putting in the cart for McKenzie. She moved along, spotting an outfit for the baby she couldn't say no to…a few things for herself and a t-shirt for Jim that had one of his favorite baseball team's logo on it.
"There you are," Jim said as she drifted into an aisle he was walking up.
She smiled; seeing a box tucked under his arm. "What do you have?"
"This," he said with a grin, turning the box to show her that it was an inflatable light up Snoopy in a Santa suit. "I saw this and knew you needed it for out in the yard."
"We're going to decorate outside?" she asked. "That was always your domain."
Jim nodded. "I'll put this up for you…do you like it?"
"I love it," Johanna admitted.
"Then we'll have it," he said with a grin, putting the box in the cart. "What all have you collected in my absence?"
"Oh just a few things; a couple things for the baby; some more secrets from you."
"I got a secret too," he replied. "I already took it to the car."
"So that's what took you so long," she laughed.
He nodded. "I'm slick like that."
"Apparently so…oh, look," she said, stopping at a display of baby toys and picking up the Fisher Price Chatter Phone. "Katie had one of these!"
"I remember," Jim said as she looked over the item. "I have a feeling McKenzie is going to have one too."
"She is," Johanna replied as she sat it in the cart. "It's cute and her mommy had one so she should too."
"Of course," he teased. "It's only fair."
"Oh hush," she said, giving him a playful nudge. "You're just as bad as I am when it comes to buying her things…last week you brought her home another rubber ducky for her collection at our house."
"I had to," he declared. "It's wearing a tiara and she didn't have a princess ducky."
"See, you're just as bad as I am."
"Guilty as charged," Jim laughed, slipping an arm around her waist. "She's our only one so far so we have to spoil her as much as we can get away with."
"That's true," she agreed.
"Are you finished in this store?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'm…" Johanna trailed off an item on the shelf catching her eye and making her smile. "Look; Mom had those!"
Jim followed her gaze; seeing the boxes of ceramic trees with their multi colored peg lights and he couldn't help but smile as well. "My mother had one of those too when we were kids; she kept it in the dining room so there would be some decoration in there. Grandma Lilly had them too."
"Mom had one for each bedroom," Johanna told him. "They're pretty…I hadn't thought about those is a long time; I guess they're coming back into fashion."
He saw a hint of longing on her face and he rubbed his hand against the small of her back. "We could get one…we could put it on the mantle of our fireplace in the bedroom."
"That would be pretty," she mused.
"Then let's get one; do you want a green one or a white one?"
Johanna pondered it for a moment. "Let's get the green one…the box says they're battery operated so we better get batteries for it. Decorating is costing us," she said lightly.
"That's alright, sweetheart; I consider it a worthy cause…and we're due for some new Christmas decorations," he replied; pulling the box off the shelf for her and putting it in the cart.
"We better get out of here before I find anything else," she laughed. "With the exception of the batteries."
"Good idea," he laughed. "I guess you want to go to your girly bath store next."
"Yes, I do," she said as she headed to the display of batteries. "I'll try not to keep you in there too long."
"It's alright; today I don't mind," he replied; and it was the truth. Now that she was relaxed and enjoying herself, he'd be happy to follow her into any store she wanted to go to just for the sake of seeing her smile.
Later that day as they sat at one of their favorite local restaurants having dinner, Jim smiled a little as he watched Johanna scoop up a bite of the cake she had ordered for dessert. He was so proud of her for pushing through her hesitations about decorating. She hadn't once tried to get out of buying decorations. She had been a bit uneasy at first but he understood that; of course it was going to be a little awkward for her at first when she was so used to denying herself the joy of shopping for new decorations. She had pushed through it though…had gone aisle by aisle in each store, selecting the things she wanted…the trunk of the car was a testament to that but he didn't mind. He was just happy that she had relaxed relatively easily and gave in to what she wanted. They had fun shopping for things…and she had smacked his hands away from some bags in the name of Christmas secrets.
He had some secrets of his own from their shopping spree; one she'd get that evening…the next night at the latest; but others were extra Christmas gifts he hadn't been able to resist buying her…like the amethyst butterfly pin he thought would look nice on her black dress coat and the pretty green sweater that would match her eyes…a book he had seen her fight the urge to buy. He had quickly gathered up those items and paid for them while she had been browsing in a different section of the store. He had also followed her around Bath and Body Works; discreetly picking up lotions, soaps, hand creams and candles that he noted she liked, dumping them into the bag an indulgent salesgirl followed him around with. He couldn't avoid letting her know that he had purchases to pay for…but he had shooed her out the door while he did so and she had gone after only a little needling to tell her what he had chosen for her. Somehow they had made secret spontaneous gift shopping work…and he hadn't said a word when she picked up that cherry scented gift set at Bath and Body Works and bought it. He knew it wasn't for her…he knew it had to be for Katie and he was curious about how she'd go about giving it to her when they got back to the city seeing as how they had those dumb rules between them. Hopefully she was going to break the rules though…and hopefully Katie would let her.
"You're awful quiet all of a sudden," Johanna said, breaking into his thoughts. "Something on your mind?"
"You as always," he said with a smile. "Am I on your mind?"
"All the time," she grinned before turning serious. "Is something wrong though?" she asked; her husband had spent a good portion of the meal making her laugh at his stories…reminiscing with her over holiday memories they hadn't discussed in years.
"No," he said with a shake of his head. "I was just thinking about how we've had a nice time today."
A smile crossed her lips. "We have…and I'm glad you suggested having dinner here while we're in town. It makes it very date like."
"Every outing with you is a date in my mind," he said, giving her hand a squeeze.
"Even when we're going to the grocery store like when we leave here?"
"Especially then," he quipped. "Nothing says love like 'let me buy groceries and feed you'. Especially if they're the breakfast type of groceries because that means I get to spend the night with you and get a complimentary breakfast in the morning."
Johanna laughed. "Yeah; I remember you saying something like that to me the first night we spent together."
"You mean the first night we spent together in a non-platonic way," he said mischievously.
"That's the one," she said with a nod. "I'm pretty sure you asked about breakfast somewhere in the middle of the night."
"I had to; you might not have known about the complimentary breakfast thing."
Her eyes danced with amusement. "Like I had ever let you go unfed…you did have a habit at times of showing up at my door at meal times…and that was before I allowed you certain privileges."
Jim nodded. "The food held me over while you were deciding how far I could get that week."
"Jim!" she laughed.
He laughed with her; he never got tired of the sound of her laughter. "What can I say, sweetheart; I was hooked on you no matter what we were or weren't doing…I still am."
Her smile softened, her fingers brushing lovingly over his hand. "I'm still hooked on you too."
He smiled as he turned his hand to capture hers. "I'm glad. Are you ready to head home when you're finished your cake? We've got a lot of decorating to do."
"Yeah; as soon as I finished these last two bites of cake and my drink I'll be ready," Johanna said. "Scarlett will be wanting her dinner too."
"She'll probably be waiting on us at the door," he replied before catching her eye. "Hey."
"What?" she asked.
He squeezed her hand gently. "I'm proud of you."
"For what?"
"For today…I know it wasn't easy…looking at our old ornaments and going out to buy new decorations…thinking about things like holiday baking that you haven't done in awhile. I know it's been hard for you but you pushed through it and I'm proud of you for it."
She returned the pressure of his hand. "I'm proud of you too."
"For what?"
"For wanting it for both of us," she said softly. "For loving me enough to drive halfway back to the city for a box of ornaments."
He gave her a smile. "There's nowhere on this earth that I wouldn't go for you, Jo."
"I know…and it's mutual," she told him.
He held her hand tightly for a moment and then brought it to his lips, placing a soft kiss against her skin. "Finish your cake, sweetheart; we still have a lot to accomplish today."
Later on, Johanna fussed with the placement of her centerpiece on the mantle; dropping the small flameless tealight candles into the pretty red votive cups. She smiled at the sight of the light flickering against the glass and then she straightened McKenzie's photo and brushed her hand over the small stocking hanging from the mantle that they had gotten for Scarlett's gifts to go into. She looked around the room, a feeling of accomplishment and happiness filling her as she glanced at the decorations…the house looked beautiful all dressed up for Christmas. The tree wasn't finished yet; Jim had asked her to do it last so he could work on putting up that inflatable Snoopy in the yard. She glanced at the clock and frowned, she had put all the candles in the windows; decorated the living room and kitchen and had placed their ceramic tree on the mantle in their bedroom along with a few other decorations and her husband still hadn't returned.
Worry began to fill her and she hurried to the bedroom to pull on her boots. She had no sooner finished zipping them up when she heard Jim's voice. "Jo."
"I'm here," she said, hurrying from the room. "I was getting my boots so I could come look for you, I was getting worried."
Her husband smiled and grabbed her coat from the hook by the door and made his way to her. "Put your coat on and close your eyes; I've got a surprise for you."
"I know you bought the Snoopy, you showed it to me," she said as she slipped into her coat.
"That's not the surprise," he said, taking her arm. "Now close your eyes and I'll guide you outside to where you need to be."
"Alright," she said indulgently.
"No peeking," he demanded.
"I promise."
Jim guided her out on the porch and down the steps, positioning her near their car so she could get a good look at the house. "Okay, open your eyes," he told her.
Johanna gasped in surprise as she opened her eyes and saw the strands of multi-colored lights that her husband had wrapped around the railing of the large porch and the icicle lights hanging from the porch roof. In the yard near the porch stood the inflatable Snoopy and beside it, an inflatable penguin she remembered commenting that she liked. "What do you think?" Jim asked, watching her face intently.
"I love it," she murmured; a bright smile on her face. "You made it so beautiful."
"You really like it?" he asked; he had been hoping she would…she had always loved the lights outside…and her first Christmas home, she had asked him to put up the lights outside and he had said no; that he didn't want to fool with those things anymore and so she had done it herself and the job hadn't been appreciated by anyone but her. He regretted so many things about that Christmas…but he wasn't letting her down this year. This year she would have lights and decorations…happiness even if they weren't among family.
His wife wrapped her arms around him and caught his lips in a kiss as snowflakes danced around them. "I love it…I love it so much. I always wondered what the cabin would look like decorated for Christmas…it's so beautiful. Thank you."
"You're welcome," he said warmly, wrapping his arms around her. "I'm glad you like it."
"I do; the lights are beautiful and I love Snoopy and the penguin…you must've hid the penguin from me."
"I did," he said with a nod. "I had it under a blanket in the back of the car."
She hugged him tightly. "I love it all so much; if I wouldn't freeze, I'd stand here and look at it half the night."
"You would freeze; it's pretty cold out," Jim replied, giving her a squeeze. "How are things going inside the house?"
"All finished except the tree; come in and look at it and get warm if you're finished out here."
"I'm finished," he promised; following her back to the door. Jim kicked the snow off his boots before moving into the house, catching sight of the anxious look on his wife's face that hinted that she hoped to please him with what she had done.
"What do you think?" Johanna asked; watching as his gaze swept over the room.
He smiled; the room was decorated tastefully and elegantly as she always had decorated in the past. "It looks beautiful, sweetheart. It looks warm and Christmassy."
"You're sure it looks alright?"
"Positive," he said as he wrapped his arm around her. "It's just right…you haven't lost your touch."
She smiled up at him. "I did the kitchen and our room too."
"Show me," he said as he pulled off his coat and laid it on the chair with hers.
Johanna took him around the house, showing him the decorations she had placed in each room until finally they made their way back to the living room. "Do you like it all?" she asked.
She needed extra reassurances that she wasn't doing something that made him uncomfortable, Jim thought to himself as his hand wrapped around hers. "I do like it all; you picked very nice things…you always do. You made the house look beautiful…are you happy with it?"
She nodded; a small smile on her lips as if she was afraid of being overly happy. "Yeah; I'm happy with it…I like it."
"I'm glad," he said, wrapping his arm around her. "It's looking like Christmas around here now."
"We still need to finish the tree…you need to put the star on and then we'll finish decorating it."
"I'll get right on that," Jim replied; seeing that she had the box containing the star lying on the coffee table along with the bag of ornaments. "Has Scarlett been behaving herself while you decorated?" he asked, seeing their pet curled up in her bed but watching them intently.
"Yes; she's been good…she's followed me room to room to watch what I'm doing but I think she remembers the rules about the tree; she hasn't bothered with it."
"Good," he said, glancing at their pet. "If she keeps behaving herself, she'll get a treat."
The word treat had Scarlett raising her head as she meowed. "You said the magic word," Johanna remarked. "Now she wants a treat."
"Well go get her one…we'll call it an apology treat for leaving her here by herself all afternoon," he replied with an indulgent smile.
Johanna went to the kitchen and got a cat treat for Scarlett, bringing it back to the living room and kneeling down in front of the cat bed to give it to her. "Here's your treat," she said as Scarlett took her offering. Her pet purred in appreciation as she petted her while Jim placed the star on the top of the tree and plugged it into a strand of the tree's lights. "What do you think?" he asked after checking to be sure that the star had lit up. "Is it straight?"
"Yes, it looks perfect," she replied as she looked up at the star she had chosen. "Do you like it?"
"I do," he said with a nod. "I'm glad we got a new one. It seems to suit the tree better than the old one…and this one is ours. I'll get the boxes of ornaments from the closet."
"I'll cut the tags off the new ones we bought," Johanna said as she rose from the floor. She moved to the couch, grabbing the bag of ornaments from the coffee table and the scissors as well. She removed the tags as Jim carried the boxes to the sofa and sat down.
"What do you want to do first?" he asked.
"Let's go through the ornaments and pick a few more favorites from our box and then we'll go through your mother's and pick our favorites of hers."
"Alright," he agreed.
They went through their ornaments first, Johanna selecting some that had been given to her as gifts, a few that belonged to her mother and Katie's glittery Styrofoam star she had made when she was four. Jim had chosen a baseball ornament Katie had given him when she was a little girl and an anniversary ornament his mother had given them. Johanna moved to the tree without any prodding this time but he followed along with her, holding the ornaments for her until she found the perfect spot for them. When they finished; they returned to the sofa and began going through Elizabeth's ornaments.
Johanna fished out a few of her favorites and then watched as Jim dug through the box. "I want this one," he said, holding up a small reindeer.
"I've always liked that; it's cute," she said; her finger brushing against the aged velvet material of the reindeer.
"My grandmother gave it to me when I was a little boy," Jim said as he studied it.
"Lilly?" Johanna asked.
"No; Virginia…my mother's mother," he replied. "I don't have many memories of her; I was little when she died…but I remember her giving me this…it's easier to remember her when I see this little reindeer; it sticks with me pretty good. I was sitting on her lap when I opened it…she tried to give us all equal lap time," he said with a quiet laugh. "The Christmas she gave it to me was the last one we had with her…I think I was four."
"It's sad that you didn't have more time with her," Johanna replied. "I know Liz always blamed herself for her death."
Jim gaze jerked towards his wife. "What are you talking about?"
She looked at him oddly. "You didn't know?"
"Know what?"
"That she blamed herself."
"No," Jim said with a shake of his head. "Why would she? Grandma was in an accident; Mom wasn't with her."
Johanna breathed deeply. "She blamed herself because your grandmother was on her way to your house that day."
Jim's fingers stroked over the reindeer he still held. "How do you know?"
"Liz told me."
"When?"
"A long time ago…that summer when Katie was a baby and we came up here to the cabin with your parents for a few days. Things were still a little touch and go between Liz and I at that time so I was trying to tiptoe around her since we were staying under the same roof but I put Katie down for a nap that day and I heard Liz moving around in that back bedroom she had stuff stored in and I went and asked if she needed help. She asked me to help her find the box of her mother's china that Robert had brought up here by mistake. We found the box and I asked her about her mom…it just kind of spilled out of her…like she had kept it bottled up so long that she couldn't keep it in once someone asked. She told me that her mother called and wanted her to bring you kids and come visit for the weekend but Liz told her she couldn't because all of you were sick; she said it was winter time and all five of you had everything from colds to ear infections and touches of the flu. Her mother told her that she would just come to her and help her with all of you. Liz said she was about twenty-five minutes away from your house when the accident happened. She always blamed herself…she said if she had just taken you kids and had gone to Pennsylvania that weekend, her mother wouldn't have been on that road."
Jim's eyes closed for a moment as he took in the information. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"I figured that you knew…and I didn't want to bring up painful memories from your childhood. If I had known that you didn't know, I would have told you back then."
"I never knew that she blamed herself," he remarked. "I didn't even know that she had been on her way to our house…I feel like it's a missing piece of the puzzle about the way Mom was at times."
Johanna nodded. "It didn't help that her father blamed her too; she told me that the day of the funeral, he told her that her mother would've still been alive if she had been able to take care of her kids herself without needing assistance. But Liz hadn't asked her to come; she told me that she told her mother she didn't need to, that she didn't want her to get sick from being around all of you but your grandmother said she wasn't worried about it and would be there the next day. She blamed herself and her father blamed her too…and I don't think anyone helped her get through it. She just had to kind of bottle it up inside and go one because she had five kids that needed her and a husband and a home to take care of. Another reason I thought you knew back then was because she said you and Michael were in the room when her father said those things to her…she said you saw her crying and you never wanted anything to do with your grandfather after that; and that made sense to me because ever since I had known you, you had made it clear that you didn't like him."
"I didn't like him," Jim remarked. "I couldn't ever remember a time when I did like him…maybe that's why. I don't remember that day…but maybe it's why that feeling always stuck with me. Maybe some part of me remembered what he did even if I couldn't see it in my mind anymore."
"I don't doubt that. You were just a little boy; you couldn't retain every memory…but feelings, those stick around," Johanna said softly. "Sometimes you don't remember why you started feeling that way but you never forget that the feeling is there. I would have told you back then though if I had known that you didn't know how your mother held onto blaming herself."
"I know you would have," he said with a reassuring smile that held a measure of sadness for the loss of his grandmother and the pain his mother had carried that he hadn't been aware of. "Maybe the fact that you didn't is part of the reason why Mom settled more in regard to you; she softened up a good bit once Katie was here; with the exception of the occasional bad moment that slipped in…but maybe keeping the conversation between the two of you showed her that she could trust you and that helped ease things between you."
"Maybe so," she agreed. "I'm sorry I brought some sadness to our decorating though."
"It's okay," he said, giving her a quick kiss. "I feel like it explains some things in regard to my mother…and my grandparents. It is sad but I'm glad you told me…and I'm glad I still have this little reindeer to remember my grandmother by."
She smiled, giving a nod as she rubbed her fingertips against the deer. "You know when I go to the Christmas mass, I always light candles…"
"I know; one for Naomi, one for Sophia, one for Sarah and one for my mother and Lilly."
"Yes…and this year, we'll light one for Virginia too. I'm sure she and Liz are having Christmas together up there; we'll let her know she's not forgotten."
"I'd like that," Jim replied, brushing a soft kiss against her cheek. "Thank you."
"No problem," she said, caressing his cheek. "You should find a special spot to hang your reindeer on the tree and I'll hang these ones that I picked out."
They moved to the tree together and hung up their favorite ornaments from Elizabeth's boxes and then they added their new ornaments they had bought that day; lightness returning to the air between them as they finished their tree and then stood back to admire it.
"What do you think, sweetheart?" Jim asked as he wrapped his arm around her.
She smiled brightly, her arm slipping around his waist. "I think it's the most beautiful tree we've had in a very long time…I'm glad we did this."
Warmth spread across his chest as he held her tightly. "Me too," he admitted. "It's beautiful."
"Now that we're all finished our decorating, how about we find a movie to watch and relax the rest of the evening," Johanna suggested.
"Sounds like a good idea to me," Jim replied; "And we'll turn the lamps off so we have the glow of the Christmas tree. It'll be nice and cozy."
"Just want I wanted," she murmured as she held him tightly; feeling more of the heaviness she had been carrying all month ease from her body.
"I thought Mother was putting McKenzie down tonight," Castle said as he walked into the kitchen that evening and spotted Kate with their daughter on her hip.
"She is," she replied. "But she brought her down to me while she changed clothes…McKenzie bathed her in return," she said with a laugh as she kissed the baby's cheek. "Her blouse was soaked."
He smiled, reaching out and softly ruffling McKenzie's curls. "I guess she didn't want Grammy to feel left out."
"I guess not," Kate replied as McKenzie held her arms out to her father. "Dada!" she exclaimed.
"You actually want me?" he asked as he took his daughter into his arms. "What miracle is this?"
"Don't even start that again," his wife warned. "McKenzie always reaches for you; don't act like she doesn't."
"She reaches for you more," he replied, kissing his daughter's hands as they passed over his mouth.
'That's because I'm her mommy and babies are geared to look for mommy first; it doesn't mean she loves you any less; she loves you just as much as she loves everyone else."
He wasn't always so sure about that but he said nothing; fatherhood the second time around was nothing like it had been with Alexis. Oh the semantics were the same; feeding, changing, playing and providing for her…but everything else felt different. McKenzie was a mommy's girl, up one side and down the other. He hadn't had to worry about that with Alexis; she had been a daddy's girl from day one…but McKenzie's primary want was her mother. He knew it was ridiculous to be jealous over the fact; after all, he wanted Kate to have all the joys of motherhood…but he wished things were a little more equal.
"Dada!" his daughter exclaimed loudly; drawing him out of his thoughts.
"You better listen when she's talking to you," Kate said in amusement.
He smiled, kissing McKenzie's cheek. "Sorry, jellybean; what were you saying?"
His daughter babbled at him and he pretended to know what every syllable meant, telling her that he understood completely.
Kate stepped closer to them, lowering her voice as she spoke. "When your mom comes down to get McKenzie; tell her that you hope she has a nice trip, Castle. Don't let this thing be bigger than it needs to be between the two of you."
"I still don't like it," he stated, his daughter's small hand clamping around his nose.
"You don't have to like it…but you have to accept it."
"Kate," he sighed. "Why can't you understand?"
"I do, Rick; but I also understand that your mother wants your blessing to go on this trip. She doesn't want to go away with you being mad at her."
"Good; then she can stay with us."
"Castle," she said firmly.
"Fine," he muttered.
"You'll feel better when you see how happy it makes her."
"I doubt that."
"Do it anyway," she said softly; hearing the click of Martha's heels upstairs. "She's on her way down."
He frowned which made McKenzie giggle as she patted his face with her hands and he couldn't help but smile back at her.
"Alright, kiddo," Martha said as she swept into the kitchen. "Are you ready for your bottle and your bedtime story?"
"She's ready," Kate remarked as she took the bottle from the bottle warmer where she had placed it when she had finished making it. "Just let me say goodnight to her," she said; lifting McKenzie from her husband's arms. "Rick, don't you have something to say to your mother?"
His eyes narrowed at her but he turned toward his mother. "Mother, if you insist on running off to Phoenix for Christmas instead of being here with us…then I hope you have a nice time."
Martha gave him a small smile as she kissed his cheek. "Darling, I know you don't like the idea…"
"I don't," he agreed.
"I know…but I hope you know that I'm not doing it to hurt you."
"I know; you told me," he stated.
Martha gave him an indulgent smile. "I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, dear; and I hope that you're over being mad at me by the New Year."
"Will you be joining us for the New Year?" he asked.
"Well…no…I'll still be in Phoenix."
"Wow, really; Christmas isn't enough, you have to have New Year's there too?" her son asked.
She smiled. "If I hope to be kissed at midnight I do…and you know I like to be kissed at midnight."
"So we've heard," Castle quipped.
Martha patted his cheek. "Don't worry; I'm sure Johanna will be happy to watch McKenzie on New Year's Eve so you and Kate can go out…or stay in for a private celebration."
"She's out of town, we told you that."
"So find a hotel in her neighborhood and leave the baby with her; she won't say no," his mother assured.
"She could," he remarked.
"She could…she might want to get kissed at midnight too," Martha said mischievously. "In which case; you two will have to stay home and kiss your baby instead of each other…been there done that."
Castle cringed. "Mother, please…I don't need these images of the nocturnal activities of you or Johanna in my mind this close to bedtime when nightmares can torment me."
"Some of us enjoy staying young," Martha quipped. "Now say goodnight to your daughter so we can get settled."
Kate kissed McKenzie and told her she loved her before handing her back to Castle who repeated the same routine before handing his daughter over to his mother. "Alright, sweet girl," Martha cooed as she adjusted her hold on the baby and took the bottle Kate offered. "It's nighty night time. I'll be retiring to my room after McKenzie is asleep," she stated.
"Yell if you need me, Martha," Kate called after her.
"I will, dear; but I'm sure we'll be fine."
As her mother-in-law disappeared upstairs with the baby, Kate wrapped her arms around her husband in a tight embrace. "It's all going to be fine," she told him. "Believe it or not, you can still have a happy Christmas."
"That's what you keep telling me," he sighed. "But it's hard to picture with one member bailing."
Kate sighed deeply; feeling a headache forming above her eyes. It was going to be a long night.
As Jim stepped out of their bathroom later that night, he noted that the room was bathed in the glow of the fireplace and the flameless candles his wife had picked for the room. The ceramic Christmas tree on the mantle was lit; the covers on their bed turned back neatly. His gaze sought out his wife, finding her at the dresser; laying her necklace and earrings in the small velvet jewelry box she kept there. "Hey, Sassy," he said quietly; drinking in the sight of her in her red silk nightgown.
"Hey yourself," she replied, turning toward him as he came near. "I was starting to think you were going to stay in the shower all night."
"Not without you to keep me company," he replied, a grin tugging at his lips as his hand curled around her hip. "Is this new?" he asked, nodding at the red silk nightgown. "I know you have a red one but it's darker than this."
"It's new," she said with a nod. "I slipped it in the cart when you weren't looking. I thought the brighter red would be more festive."
Jim smiled. "We're all about being festive. Tis the season."
"For goodwill toward men," Johanna remarked, her tone low and loving as her hand moved against his chest in a caress.
"That's my favorite part of the season," he quipped.
She laughed softly before capturing his lips in a searing kiss. "I told you I had you on one of my lists."
His arms slipped around her, drawing her closer to him. "What else is on your list for me?"
Her fingers slipped into his hair at the nape of his neck. "That's for me to know and you to find out."
He laughed quietly against her skin as he brushed his mouth against her neck. "Today was good," he murmured to her; thinking about how they had reclaimed a small piece of their past that had still be hanging in the balance and how he felt that they had made a good bit of progress that day.
Her soft, slender hand cupped his cheek, forcing his eyes to meet hers. "Today was perfect," she whispered, her eyes shining with love. "All because of you."
Jim shook his head. "Because of both of us…we made it perfect…just like always."
Johanna smiled, her thumb sweeping across his cheek. "Some things never change, do they?"
"No; not when it comes to you and me, sweetheart."
"You and me," she murmured, a smile still on her lips. "It's the only thing in this world I know I can count on."
"Don't ever forget it."
She shook her head. "Never."
He smiled; his fingertips rubbing against the silk of her nightgown. "It's just too bad this doesn't have candy canes on it like that one you had when we were engaged."
Johanna laughed. "If you remember correctly; you're the one who bought me that."
"I remember," he grinned. "I bought you matching underwear too…it was very special occasion like with a holiday twist."
"Yes; only you would go out and search for special occasion holiday underwear."
"I didn't search for it; it found me…by being on a table I passed by while shopping for your gift," Jim replied. "But since we're on the topic…is the nightgown the only special occasion thing you bought?"
She smirked at him in amusement. "Don't worry, darling; you know I make sure everything matches when it comes to these special occasions with you."
"Good to know," he quipped. "I do love you in red."
"Wait until you see what color I got for New Year's Eve," she said playfully.
His grin widened. "I'm starting to feel all warm and fuzzy about holidays."
Johanna caught his lips in a kiss, mischievousness in her gaze. "If you think you're warm and fuzzy now; just wait until we finish my list."
"We should get on that right away," he replied. "That's one list I can't wait to accomplish."
She shook her head at him. "Now you know I'm not one to be rushed…especially when it is such a special occasion."
"And we thought we couldn't have a Merry Christmas," he said lightly, nudging her backwards toward the bed.
A soft laugh slipped from her lips. "The holidays are looking up around here."
"Most definitely."
Her gaze turned serious, her hand cupping his cheek. "I love you, Jim," she murmured.
"I love you too."
She smiled softly, her gaze still pinned to his. "Thank you for today."
"No thanks needed, sweetheart; it's all going to be alright…we're off to a good start."
Johanna nodded, drawing him closer for a kiss. "I'm glad we're here. It feels right."
"I'm glad too…I know we were upset about things…but it's good to be here, just the two of us," he said quietly.
The smile returned to her lips. "I agree…and as perfect as today was…I think tonight will be even more so," she whispered before stealing another kiss and ending the need for conversation. Their plans for Christmas had been thrown together at the last minute, but she felt like it might end up being the best holiday they'd had in years.