a/n: L has an explanation for the confusion. Besides the fact that he really enjoyed it.

Slight swears (not because Vandham!), alcohol and female armor references.

All the good things belong to Monolith Soft, and a big thank you to Ken, who gave me this prompt when I was desperate, do not blame her for the result.

Bless the Mediators for doing their jobs even when suffering their own disappointments. They clustered around L [1], keeping the more aggressive of his customers at a distance. Their mission was helped by the hulking presence of the Commander of BLADE himself, standing beside L and radiating a solidity to match L's glee.

He leaned over and growled at L, "You got a good explanation, right?"

"We have a magnificent explanation and it will be our gift to NLA."

Vandham nodded without conviction, then bellowed into the hall. "Shut it! We're getting an explanation, and a short one, and then you all better beat it back to your stations. Or your normal lives, for you civilians out there."

L was beaming, absolutely luminous with joy, as every eye turned to him. "Merry Season and Happy Greetings! When we began the Secret Santa exchange, we were concerned about imbalance. Of course we worried if one participant was treated better than another, but that was secondary to our greatest worry, a universal one. The receivers were given the gift of surprise but the senders were not. Now we have made every valley exalted, every hill low."

L lifted his hands into the air, embracing the room. "How much better a surprise to treat your enemy as you would your friend? To care for your brother as an anonymous stranger? To value someone as well or as poorly as another? Only by our ingenious solution could the secret be also for Santa."

Vandahm interjected. "Swell, but somebody's going to call that fraud."

L shrugged. "You will find your recipient's name in a message on your devices. If you wish to demand exchanges, we wish you the sweetest of luck." He looked more sharply at the crowd. "We will accept returns in unopened condition for a week, and please remember to explore our newest merchandise. And a happy New Year!"

Vandham stared at L for a moment, then swiveled to face the crowd. "Make sure you write your thank you cards, people, and be especially nice because your Santa was working with limited info. Unless you prefer to be rude." His face darkened. "Take backs are rude and I'm not a big fan of rude, you hear me?"

xcxcxcxcxcxc

Vandham's comment buzzed around the hall. Many people, on the verge of snatching a gift from another's hands, decided that just this once, since it was Christmas and all, they'd be nice. The congratulations were less than heartfelt on some sides, but slowly, very slowly to be sure, but steadily, the room filled with smiles and gentle laughter. New friendships were made as people met their imposters, found similarities or admired their differences.

A few were still glum.[2] Gwin slumped in a corner, bright pink and squirming with embarrassment. "It's a good thing the bribe I slipped L was so big," he muttered.

"Oh?" The BLADE sitting next to him was a blond copy of Evans, as well as being his best friend.

"Yeah, all I could afford was a stuffed animal. Not any jewelry or, ughhhh..." Evans blushed harder at the narrowly avoided disaster.

"So who got the present?"

"Don't know, don't care." Gwin slid open his device. "Bates."

"He's nice. Not great at his job, but nice," Mathias pointed out. "And single."

"Hope he likes the ovis stuffie."

Mattias sat smugly beside his sorry friend. "I'm meeting the girl who got what was supposed to be my gift tomorrow. We're going to give the catnip toys to Aisha, hang out a little. This Secret Santa has been great." This did nothing to improve Gwin's mood.

xcxcxcxcx

A few were glum, a few were still angry. Hope chased after one of the most furious BLADEs. "Sharon, wait, please!"

"You can keep the crap. I certainly don't want it back."

"I wanted to say thank you for the gifts. They were special."

"Ha. They weren't for you, and only a child would pretend they were."

"I realize that now, but I still enjoyed them."

Murderess stopped in her tracks. She crossed her arms and looked at the sweet Mediator with disbelief. "Really? The card with the rude saltat tower?"

Hope blushed. "I hoped the sender meant to be funny. Now I /know/ she was."

"And the whiskey? Thank god I didn't waste a full bottle on you. You wouldn't realize it, but that single glass was worth more than a skell. The genuine article, salvaged from the crash. Even on Earth it was nearly impossible to get something of that high quality. I bet you used it as hand sanitizer."

"I did no such thing. I told you I enjoyed my gifts."

"Really? I don't think so. You don't drink, and don't pretend otherwise."

Hope tried to look dignified and cultured, but her sweet smile slipped back onto her face immediately. "I had just returned from a very long, very wet, very cold mission. I don't drink, that's true, but it was a nice experiment. For medicinal purposes." She laughed softly. "I don't think I'll try it again, but at least I learned from the best." Hope looked wistful for a moment. "Everything, the card, the whiskey, the ... armor ...[3], it was nice to imagine being the person that matched all that. I don't want to be her, but it was almost like a vacation. And now that I know it wasn't a misunderstanding..."

"This whole thing is the definition of misunderstanding!"

"Now I know that it wasn't a misunderstanding about who I am or who I wanted to be, I can enjoy them even more."

"I bet."

"I really am thankful." She offered her hand to Murderess.

Murderess ignored the gesture. "As soon as there are lawyers on this planet, L will be hearing from mine." Then she snorted. It was a small snort, quite the ladylike sound, but it was still a snort. "Until then, Merry Christmas."

xcxcxcxcxcxc

A few were glum, a few were angry, and a few were just resigned.

"I'm guessing my recipient isn't anything like I was hoping," Vandham said quietly enough for only L to hear.

"For you, our dear commander, we were careful to meet the specifications. Single, not in BLADE, and attractive."

Upon checking his device, Vandham slapped a hand across his mouth, stiffing either a blistering string of obscenity or a laugh that would have knocked L off his feet. It took all his strength to remain silent until he regained control. Then he dragged his hand down, tugging his mustache to even more impressive lengths.

"I used the word 'cute'. Under no circumstances would I call Maurice cute." He scanned the hall. "I don't see my new hot date anywhere. Did the present ...?"[4]

"We delivered it ourselves, before leaving the Administrative District. We are the life and soul of the efficiency party."

"Great. Well, if the threat of riot is over, I'm going to scoot. Merry Christmas, L, and do not pull this kind of thing again."

"Happy Holidays, Commander, and we will be pulling for you in the coming new year."

a/n: 1. The quality of the punch improved immediately.

2. Clearly they hadn't had a fresh glass of punch.

3. Grenada skell top with plenty of room to, uh, breathe.

4. It was a cotton tank top with a chibi skell on it. Chausson now uses it to polish his cuff-links.

Did it, and a very merry 2020. We have a lot of 2021 coming at us soon, so hold on to all the weird gifts you receive in the coming months.