Title: Everybody Hates Sephiroth

Author: CrisisChild

Summary: Sequel to Everybody Loves Cloud. Two years after the Incident, Sephiroth and Cloud have become tentative friends. However, Sephiroth is now starting the transition of friends to more and everyone is intent on getting in his way. Sephiroth vs everyone in Shinra.

Rated: T; for generally silly situations

Beta'd: Nope

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of the FFVII Compilation except for silly ideas. Yeap.

Everybody Hates Sephiroth

PART THE FIRST

vs Zack

Regret was not a wholly familiar emotion for Sephiroth, not since he turned fourteen years of age and realized the more he excelled, the more like the company was likely to bend to his will and demands. (Not that he had much to demand of the company that had looked after him since birth. Merely essentials that anyone else deemed practical.) That feeling had made itself scarce since learning how to work the system. However, the general was getting that thick, bitter feeling welling up in the pit of his stomach as he stared, dumbfounded, at the message that had been typed into his PHS and sent to Cloud.

[MESSAGE: SEPHIROTH 9:36 PM] CLOUD. WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME?

Earlier...

Brilliant was the day that Zack had spent, just hanging out with his best friend.

Well, more like a few hours...all right, half an hour, but it was the greatest stretch of thirty minutes he'd spent with Cloud before the two of them went their separate ways to complete their daily duties.

His friend, despite everything that continued to happen to him over the course of the years they'd known each since joining Shinra, had a natural way of staying resilient and tough. The crowning achievement being that he was now a Captain and didn't have to put up with the other grunts who picked on him before – not if they didn't want to get formally written up now.

Not that Cloud would hold his new position over the heads of his former fellows, like an ax waiting to fall down on their necks. The blond kept insisting he wasn't going to abuse his new found power, just because he was bullied; it'd make him as bad as everyone who kept pushing him around before. Zack pointed out that he needed to bully them once in a while, to keep them in line, otherwise there would be no small amount of trouble for Cloud later. And the captain was a magnet for Trouble, with a capital T. The young SOLDIER vaguely remembered Genesis saying something to his mentor along the lines of 'being a miracle Cloud survived Shinra so far'. Zack could totally agree with that.

And that's why, maybe, Zack was a bit overprotective of his buddy.

Granted, Cloud was very capable at defending himself against normal guys. In a pinch, he could probably tussle with a green Third class, too. But the main thing was, the newly minted captain was not above getting into fights if someone was trying to hurt him. Even if the chance of losing was really high; great perseverance, Zack mused, but he should also learn when to give up, too, for his own sake. Because of the Incident, quite a few people hadn't quite stopped walking on eggshells around Cloud. This behaviour manifested often as people being extremely polite to him or giving him a wide berth. In rarer cases, such as Zack himself (and a few choice members of SOLDIER), this came up as watching out for him whenever possible and eliminating obstacles that Cloud needn't deal with.

Zack did not fight Cloud's battles for him, though. Those were Cloud's to deal with, one-on-one, on the battlefield with guns a-blazing.

No, what the black-haired SOLDIER sometimes lost sleep over was how some people had started leering at Cloud recently. If, by recent, he meant two years ago, but that was beside the point. From the aftermath of the Incident until now, people started coming up to his friend, asking for dates, asking to hang out – as if he'd become the most popular person ever. Which, at the beginning, was fine with Zack, because his best friend was an awesome person once you got to know him and deserved a larger circle of friends!

However, it became clear what some of these people wanted and Zack, after coming to his senses and being told what had happened when he lost them, he tried to overcompensate for his behaviour by acting like an angry guard dog concerning Cloud's personal life. Bless the kid, though, he took it all in stride, even laughing when Zack actually growled at some guy on the street one time. All in all, Zack worried a lot about Cloud. As good as he was in the military, social situations kind of escaped him a bit.

Like it did with a certain general who had demonstrated more than once that he was incapable of a normal conversation. Spending time with Angeal meant inevitably spending more time with Sephiroth and Genesis. While Zack had a more solid acquaintance with Genesis as they often met in passing due to the longstanding friendship his mentor and the redhead had since childhood, Sephiroth was a bit more of an enigma, covered in mystery and wrapped up in bondage leather. (May his pure and honest mentor never hear such a thought of his out loud, bless that wholesome SOLDIER of a man.)

Even to Sephiroth, a man who could possibly cut him down in two, Zack continued to act as a gatekeeper for Cloud. Ever the mother chocobo, Zack would always (kindly and politely, mind you) demand that Sephiroth bring his friend back in one piece and that if anything inappropriate happens, and he hears of it, he'll (kindly and politely) shove Masamune up where the sun don't shine. The silver showed great and honest interest in the blond, which was fine and dandy, but coming out of an Incident where a bunch of SOLDIERs were all acting indecently, excuse him for being a guard dog. He couldn't trust Sephiroth right away when it came to Cloud.

However, when that first real meeting happened when all of them met Cloud (in a controlled and safe environment), Zack managed to calm down...a little.

Cloud and Sephiroth had a rough history, stemming back from this one mission gone wrong. And during the Incident, had somehow crossed paths many times, according to Cloud (a fact which Genesis would loudly confirm, a slight whine to his voice as he touched his nose whenever this was brought up).

When the two were formally introduced by Zack, the both of them shared a tentative smile and Sephiroth himself took up Cloud`s hand in his own. Although rather than shaking it like most people greeting each other would, he held onto it all evening. He only let it go if Cloud needed to use it, but soon resumed the hand holding as if it was the most normal thing and the blond had allowed it with zero fuss.

That had not been the only telling (and awkward) behaviour Sephiroth exhibited during the get together dinner.

Though there was literally no danger present, he exuded an air of tension within his body. While outwardly Sephiroth was calm as normal, making small talk with his compatriots, his eyes wandered and scouted carefully. As if he was expecting an attack any moment. But curiously (and furiously) his eyes were not so much checking their exits or the like for possible weaknesses or surprise attacks and sieges, but rather were centered squarely on Zack, Angeal and Genesis.

It wasn't just Zack who noticed this, obviously. Angeal had spoken to him about this at length after Cloud and Sephiroth left (together, he'd noted), though it was Genesis who made the most interesting remark amongst the three leftover.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was being overprotective of Cloud."

But the more Zack thought about dinner with the group, the more it made sense to him. And because of this, he softened up just a little in the case of the General. At any rate, it'd be good for him, too, to find other friends and relationships outside of Angeal and Genesis. And Cloud was a really great guy!

Even if things were developing at a snail's pace.

Zack had kept an eye on them the last two years, though he did not actively step in unless Cloud asked him to (and he never did). Sephiroth was a little rusty when it came to talking, but he was a good superior and made amply sure he never got hurt when they were out on missions together. Cloud had nothing, but good things to say about Sephiroth who had seemed to thaw a little, at least with him. They had their conversations while riding together, the former infantryman had revealed, and while stilted and a little one-sided, had decided Sephiroth wasn't terrible company. He just needed extra prodding now and again.

("Does he always get lost in thought?" Not the words Genesis would have chosen to describe Sephiroth's penchant for being distracted, but the answer was always, "Yes.")

In more recent days, Zack didn't really know what to think, but the protective instinct kept popping up whenever he spotted Sephiroth and Cloud together. Sephiroth was surprisingly tactile with the blond, whereas he kept others at a wide berth, even his two closest friends. It was easy to mistake the two as some kind of lovers and as Cloud was the easier of the two to approach, he often was beset with the most bizarre and personal questions, which he'd either shoot down or just learn to ignore.

Zack eventually figured out that Sephiroth didn't even know what he was doing. Or possibly even feeling. He said it was friendship, but he'd never seen the man act like that around Genesis or Angeal. But then he initially chalked it all up to the 'honeymoon phase' of meeting a new friend; you want to spend more time with them, get to know them, maybe even get a little touchy-feely. The first six months. Anything else after that just meant they were both very, very, very, very dense.

But then, just what did the two of them have to compare it to?

Cloud came from a single parent home; while Mrs Strife loved her son, it was apparent that she was lonesome and bitter and all sorts of angry about the man who would have been Cloud's father, if he hadn't left like a coward. Not the greatest example of a long lasting love or how a healthy relationship should look like.

And Sephiroth...!

Zack didn't even want to contemplate what kind of childhood he'd had to result in such an emotionally stunted adult who couldn't tell the difference between plain, good ol' friendship or something more serious.

The two of them needed a nudge. Just the right amount of pressure to get them rolling and realizing what was going on. Even if it resulted in just friendship, the two of them needed to acknowledge the behemoth in the room.

And his chance soon came that day, later on in the evening when he returned from a monster clearing mission later than he normally did.

Even though Zack didn't seem like it, he was an early to bed, early to rise kind of guy. And he normally got back from his daily roster of missions around 6 PM, so he could scarf down a meal, do a little light training, shower and then head to bed, so he could start his day bright and early to do much of the same all over again like clockwork. The only break in this routine was the weekend, wherein he allowed himself a little more leeway as they were his days off, unless Shinra was in a state of emergency.

Zack was tired. Having spent more time outside in the beating sun for longer than he liked; he was less exuberant than usual. Out in the wastes, it didn't matter whether it was winter or not, for whatever reason, the sun was amazingly strong. It could even exhaust a smiling force of nature like Zack.

So, Minerva forgive him, he was quite cranky as a result and that sometimes led to a lot of poor life choices.

Before he could make it to the mess hall to get some dinner, he was accosted by Genesis who looked way too cheerful to be anything, but suspicious. A hand on his shoulder had him steered towards the side and he was denied his well-deserved dinner. Zack almost felt petty enough to bite that hand on his shoulder.

Ignoring the mood of the younger SOLDIER, Genesis began to speak, "So, young SOLDIER, how do you feel about aiding our dear General today?"

Zack frowned. "...'Aiding'? Like on a mission?"

"Of sorts," Genesis replied smoothly. "A most noble mission I think someone of your honourable caliber would take no small delight in taking up."

Normally whenever someone mentioned honour, he'd automatically straighten up. Either to attention, or in pride. Angeal had instilled that virtue in him and he was happy to know he was shaping up to be someone as good and just as his mentor. However, being that Zack was hungry, tired and grumpily in the presence of Genesis, his enthusiasm was well below negative at this point.

"Just get to the point – please. Sir." In private he was allowed the use of first names, but in public he was supposed to use proper titles. Supposed to. Everyone who knew Zack, knew he eschewed the usage of them unless actively on a mission with someone he wasn't as familiar with or he was, as , mentioned, too grumpy to be his usual friendly self. He just wanted to go in and eat and maybe go wind down with Cloud a bit.

Genesis tutted him, obviously having wanted to give a bit of a dramatic reveal (Zack learned early on you don't give the guy an inch or he'd make everything a theatrical, if he could feasibly do it), but continued on. "I am helping our dear Silver General get his feelings in order and that is involving your little infantryman friend – ah, wait. He made captain recently, didn't he? Well, regardless, I am making them go on a date, but Sephiroth needs a bit more help. Angeal has told me you have a girlfriend, mayhaps you'd be willing to..."

His voice went on and on, outlining what he wanted, but the words fell on Zack's deaf ears as his mind was still trying to process the first sentence out of his mouth. Like a bad engine inside a car, it stalled a moment. Stalled again, the grinding coughing sound practically written on Zack's face as his brain tried to light the spark over and over. And then, eventually his mind got the internal combustion going and he started internally screaming.

Wait a Bahamut-damned minute here – Sephiroth had feelings...for Cloud. Feelings. Honest to goodness feelings. The kind where there was dating and being a couple together? That's...that freakin' amazing.

Suddenly, the cloud of hunger and grump was clearing above Zack's head, almost as fast as Hojo could clear a room. There was a huge sparkle in his eyes as his hunger addled brain decided this was the single most precious thing ever. And, before he knew it, he was off to congratulate Sephiroth on getting together with Cloud, despite them having not even done so yet (his brain seemed to have skipped a few steps and decided Cloud and Sephiroth were already an item; though evidence did point towards this, it was not the case).

Meanwhile, a few moments after Zack bolted for it, Genesis realized his captive audience had escaped him at the tail end of his instructions.

"...and under no circumstances can you interfere. Sephiroth has to learn how to do these kinds of things himself and if you help him, you will – hm?" Oh, just where did Angeal's pup go? Minerva, how did he keep that boy on a leash so well? There were important instructions to follow and plans to be made for the perfect day out. Unsure of where Zack had gone off to, Genesis picked a direction and gave chase as to not ruin his carefully laid out plans.

Unfortunately for him, he had gone in the complete opposite direction of the young SOLDIER and would be unable to stop the events about to unfold.

Zack was making record time, going from the area just outside the mess hall and hoofing it all the way to the offices of SOLDIER's highest ranking officers. It was a well known secret that Sephiroth stayed at his desk well into the evening to do paperwork before retiring for the night, so he felt his chances of coming across him were pretty good. And upon the door sliding open he did see the man there, though he wasn't stationed behind his desk diligently cutting through red tape as he was wont to do every other night.

Sephiroth stood in his office, brows furrowed and eyes staring holes into his phone.

True to tired SOLDIER form, Zack didn't quite read the room.

"Hey, Sephiroth! Congrats on getting together with Cloud!" he loudly greeted, becoming surprised himself when the other SOLDIER actually seemed startled by his entrance. It actually gave Zack pause and he became a bit more somber. "Oh, hey, sorry, did I come at a bad time?"

There was a few moments in which Sephiroth contemplated. His eyes went to his phone, then over at Zack, lingering a while as his mind weighed his options. After what seemed like a solid five minutes, his brows only seemed to draw together even further. Was it a message Lazard had sent? A mission that needed to be passed onto him that he didn't know how to refuse, despite having the right to?

"...It's about Cloud," Sephiroth replied at length. "...and what's this about being together? We aren't together right now. Isn't he supposed to be in at the barracks by now? He would normally finish his meal and then head straight to bed."

Ignoring the fact that Sephiroth knew Cloud's routine to an awfully stalkerish degree, Zack pressed forward again with his previous thought. "What about Cloud? And I thought you two were together already. Like you know...?" Sephiroth didn't. "Genesis said something about you guys being together."

At this, realization and understanding dawned on the silver's face. "Ah, yes. Genesis is arranging for us to 'go out' together," Sephiroth explained calmly, sounding more at home in a debriefing. "I am currently having trouble writing up the proper message for such an endeavour. I think I have included all the requirements for it, though."

Zack, an expert on being social, perked up at a chance to lend a hand. He gestured for Sephiroth to hand over his phone so he could have a look at what he'd already composed.

It took him all of a second to realize how unbelievably bad Sephiroth was at phrasing himself in a friendly, informal and non-militaristic manner.

[MESSAGE: SEPHIROTH 9:30 PM] Cpt Strife. Your presence is required for a sortie in Kalm at 16:00 tomorrow. Do you accept? Transport and board will be provided. Dress casually, but within reason for the current weather.

This was, by far, the least romantic thing he had ever read. How was Cloud supposed to take this? His best friend deserved way better than this! And yes, he knew he was talking about Sephiroth here. Anyone would argue with him, that you just didn't get better than Sephiroth. However! In his mind, it wasn't about the rank, the looks or riches – it was about the heart! Granted, the man was raised by the company in the most stifling way possible, so he could forgive him a little, but...!

A message like this just won't stand. And before Sephiroth could stop him, he completely erased the message he probably spent a long while trying to write and began replacing it with his own. Capslock be damned.

He took everything said and made a shorter, more concise message worthy of his friend.

Sephiroth, curious as to what Zack seemed to be doing with his phone, peered over and immediately tried to swipe his phone back. Normally his inhuman dexterity outclassed anyone and everyone he had ever met and it rarely ever failed him, except in this one moment wherein Zack anticipated his attck and dodged. Angeal would have been proud had he witnessed it, and Sephiroth himself impressed, if not for the fact that Zack was having his way with his phone!

"Zack," he intoned heavily, "give it back."

"Not on my life, Sephiroth." Click, click, click sounded the keys as Zack quickly set in his new message. He sidestepped another attempt to retrieve the phone. "This is for your own good!"

"I am not playing, Zack, give it back right now." The words were set in a command and a voice that made new recruits quake with awe and fear. Unfortunately for him, Zack had long desensitized to its universal power of cowing people to his whims. Sephiroth honestly didn't give Angeal enough credit for somehow keeping Zack under control.

"I'll give it back, once I hit send!"

"Zack!"

Their song and dance continued a few more precious seconds, Zack bobbing and weaving out of reach like his life depended on it and Sephiroth continuing to swing wildly (a frustrating first for him, as he was usually the epitome of control). Eventually having enough of using his hands, he pulled out Masamune to stop Zack in his tracks. The younger SOLDIER stood frozen on the spot, arms raised up still in a comical pose, the sharp side of Masamune precariously close to his neck.

The two stared each other down, a pair of unmoving statues, locked in lopsided combat.

Zack knew if he moved wrong or said something wrong he could very well be in for a world of hurt. Or a lecture. Probably a very long-winded one, since Sephiroth would defer all giving of punishments to Angeal. He carefully glanced at Sephiroth, then at the phone still raised in his hand. All he had to do was move a finger and the deed would be done. Thinking about it, the SOLDIER First really wouldn't actually hurt him, right? Even his exhausted brain could logic out the fact that Sephiroth wouldn't dare to actively hurt Zack for fear of repercussions from Angeal, right? Right?

So it was at Masamune point did Zack hit the send button before tossing the little piece of electronics sailing through the air. While Sephiroth was occupied with catching his falling phone, Zack made his exit then, yelling, "It's better this way!"

==EVERYBODY HATES SEPHIROTH==

Present time...

Zack had left him behind to deal with the aftermath of his odd actions, feeling somehow sick to his stomach though he hadn't eaten anything out of the ordinary. The message sent displayed on the screen was now set to 'seen' before he could do anything to mitigate the damage of Zack's rather loud texted demand on his behalf.

It wasn't his voice, or his words. Sephiroth wondered if Cloud would be able to tell it hadn't been him who sent the message. Over the past two years they had been exchanging pleasantries and notes through paper memos and face-to-face interactions. The silver did not enjoy the short, terse ambiguity of text messages and much preferred meeting to speak, or through memos when the need arose and he could flex a bit more verbosely. Cloud was a smart young man, he could probably surmise that his phone had been used against his will.

Thinking about things like that, his hackles lowered a little, though he was still irritated with Zack for what he had done. There would be the greatest of tattlings this night. He would be giving Angeal an earful just to ensure that his puppy would also be getting an earful. Professionally, of course, and not as petty as he was imagining it to be (and he could be quite petty when he felt the need).

The ringtone set for Cloud began to play. Ah. Looked like he had already read and replied. Seeing the time, it was a bit late; had the man been planning on staying up? That made Sephiroth frown as other scenarios popped up. Perhaps the mail had jostled him awake when his ringtone began to sound off? If so, he'd remedy that with an apology (another shocker; he rarely ever apologized for anything).

(But since Cloud was special...)

Sephiroth checked the mail and couldn't quite name the emotion now roiling inside of him as he read it.

[MESSAGE: CLOUD 9:49 PM] Sure thing. When do you want to meet?