"Did he try anything?" JJ asked her hand on her heart.

"No, I didn't give him a chance. Lily had been fussing so Rose picked her and was trying to quiet her; Singer and I were facing away from them near the center of the living room. At the end of singer's speech Rose gasped and said Dad in a tone so full of heartbreak and disbelief…." Reid trailed off for a second "Singer whirled around to face her and I jumped on his back and ordered Rose to run. She looked at me for a brief second, then hugging Lily to her breast ran out the door. Singer threw me to the ground and as I lay there breathless he raised his foot. Whether he meant to kick me or step over me I don't know, because at that moment Ivy Rose's mother came into the room from a side door. With Singer distracted I got to feet, grabbed the carrier and ran out of the room."

Everyone looked at him then Morgan spoke in a tone full of skepticism and admiration "You jumped on his back?"

"Yes, my feet around his chest and my arms around his neck. I didn't even think I just knew I had to protect my family." Reid said with a faint smile.

"Even at fourteen you were a force to be reckoned with." Rossi said

"I was fifteen." Reid corrected automatically

"Did Singer or Ivy come to the funeral?" Hotch asked.

"I don't know." Reid sighed heavily "I was so drained I couldn't even carry Lily's chest."

"Lily's chest? Don't you mean her coffin?" Emily asked gently.

"No, we were too poor to afford a coffin. Rose and I went to a lot of garage sales for well pretty much anything we needed. At this old Victorian looking house we found an old chest. Rose over my objections bought it for fifteen dollars and brought it home, I sanded it down and lined it with a few old blankets. We used it to store Lily's toys, and other things. As soon as Lily could crawl she was going all over the house, as soon as she learned to walk she was getting into everything she could reach." Reid's voice was such a fatherly mix of pride and exasperation that everyone smiled. "Lily soon figured out where Rose and Diana put her toys in and the lid was very light. Lily was soon trying to open the chest and get her toys out, Lily would raise the lid slightly and it could crash down sometimes hitting her fingers. My friend Jones had an uncle who installed hinges which prevent the lid from closing without a hand shutting closing it. Soon Lily was in and out all the time it was her favorite hiding spot. And of course being my daughter figured out how to close it while inside."

"Your daughter" Rossi interjected

"Rose is smart, but no genius, I loved her, I still do, but Lily had my intelligence." Reid paused "She was always Papa's girl." Reid said with great tenderness and sadness.

"I don't think Rose was happy about Lily hiding in the chest." JJ said thinking about Henry.

"No, she wasn't. I came home from work and found that she had drilled eight holes in the chest lid with a drill. Rose told me that she had actually tried to throw the chest out but Lily had started screaming, then when that failed switched to crying. At Christmas Diana and Rose painted the sides and lid of the chest with trees and fairies and I got colored paper that let air and light through. We fixed up the chest put in a pink blanket and pillow and gave it back to her for her second Christmas. She got in at once and didn't come out until dinner time." Reid sighed and got to his feet.

He walked over to the photo album and turned to a page near the back; a picture of Diana, Rose, Lily and himself in front of a Christmas tree. "There's a picture of Lily in her fairy kingdom, I can't bear to look at it." Reid said and walked to the galley.

As soon as Reid was far enough away, JJ pulled out the picture. It showed a smiling, proud toddler standing on a pink blanket inside a chest. There was dark pink pillow next to her, Lily was dressed in a princess dress that matched the pillow, her blonde hair was pulled back with a band of fake flowers. The chest itself was painted as Reid said with colorful but realistic looking trees, with fairies scattered throughout. The lid reflected a rainbow of purple, pink, blue, and green light. JJ passed the picture around then put it back.

Hotch after the picture was put away walked over to Reid who was making himself a cup of coffee.

"The chest was beautiful, I'm sure Lily would have preferred being buried in it, then a plain coffin." Hotch said putting a hand on Reid's shoulder.

Reid nodded but sighed "I failed her so often, we were always short of money and even food was sometimes in short supply. I tried so hard but."

"Spencer you were a teenager, not even eighteen. I know you did the best that you could and I'm sure Rose knew it and Lily never doubted you were the best dad in the world." Hotch said keeping his hand on Reid's shoulder.

Reid looked at him and gave a slight nod of acknowledgement. Hotch removed his hand and seemed about to say more when his phone rang. He walked to the far end of the plane near the cockpit before answering. Reid drank his coffee and then walked back into the cabin. Morgan came over and they sat down on the sofa. JJ and Emily continued to look over the photo album, while Rossi seemed lost in his own memories. After a few brief minutes Hotch put the phone down.

"I'm sorry but we have a case, the Widow Maker is back." Hotch said regretfully.

A laugh was heard mournful, haunting, yet amused it was Reid laughing. After a minute he stood and gently but firmly pulled the photo album out of JJ's hands and shut it. He put a hand on the cover and bowed his head weariness and pain present in every line. Reid then walked over to his messenger bag and put the album away.

"Spencer, you don't have to come with us, you can go to Los Vegas or back to Washington DC if you wish." Rossi said

Everyone else nodded clearly unnerved by Reid's laugh.

"No, I can't." Reid said firmly "I was a fool to bring Lily up to talk about her."

"Why?" Morgan asked

"Because when I think about everything I feel in regards to Lily, even how I feel just thinking about her briefly, it's only a small fraction of what I truly feel. I never truly mourned her or dealt with any emotions regarding her." Reid shook his head "It's hard to explain but I'll try. When I think about my emotions all my grief, pain, guilt, everything I feel, it's like I'm standing on the shores of a beach, my emotions like waves lapping around my ankles. Sometimes like during this case the waves are up to knees pulling me forwards, threatening to drag me under. I don't know if I have the strength to drag myself back to shore if I allow myself to be dragged out to sea and finally let myself sink under the sea and after ten years I'm too scared to even contemplate trying." Reid looked around the cabin at his adopted family "Though for a few shining moments I could see figures on the shore, and I thought if I chose to drown, to finally grieve there would hands that would reach out and bring me back." Reid looked directly into Morgan's eyes "No, Derek without someone there to pull me back I don't dare allow myself to grieve."

A/N Another chapter, please let me know your thoughts. Your interest inspirers me to keep writing so please leave a review or just Follow/Favorite.