No one knew what to say to that so the cabin lapsed in silence. JJ went to talk to the pilot, and Hotch called Garcia. Before he called though Hotch walked over to the couch.
"Spencer do you want to tell Garcia about Lily? Would you like one of us to?" Hotch asked gently
"No, no, I don't want her to know until after this case." Reid burst out hotly rising to his feet.
"Spence?" JJ asked confused
"You know how Penelope is, I wish I hadn't told you guys, but Penelope will just make things worse." Reid said walking to the bathroom with his bear.
The team looked at each other but they all nodded in understanding. Hotch called Garcia and informed her of the change of plans. When she pressed him about Reid, Hotch told her he would explain after the case. Half an hour before they landed in Colorado Springs, Colorado, Hotch called the team together. They went over what little information they had; men were being killed shortly after they were married and their hearts and wedding rings were sent to their widows the bodies were never found. Six men died then the killings stopped. Three years after the trail went cold Jane Elton received her husband's heart and ring in a box, and then Anne Harris five days later received her husband's heart, a ring, and a finger bone from the sixth victim. Hotch laid out the assignments for when they landed and everyone got ready to go.
"Hotch could you wait a minute." Reid asked lightly grabbing Hotch's arm as he was about to walk off the plane.
Hotch nodded and stepped out of the aisle. Reid waited for everyone to leave before speaking.
"Hotch, Aaron, I know it's, it's silly but could you keep this safe for me until after the case?" Reid asked holding out the pink and purple teddy bear.
"Of course." Hotch said taking the bear. "Do you want me to take the photo album too?"
"No, no, I couldn't part with it, it's one of the few things I have of Lily's." Reid pushed on mistaking Hotch's patience for a question "Rose left a few days after the funeral and took a lot of Lily's stuff with her, then my mom.." Reid trailed off and hastily wiped his eyes "My mom had an episode and ransacked Lily's room trying to find clues as to where the government had taken her granddaughter. It wasn't until I was selling the house that I could bear to step foot in Lily's room and clean up the mess my mom had made."
Reid's shoulder's started shaking and Hotch put hand on his arm. Reid shook himself free and straightened up to his full height.
"I'm sorry Hotch, I don't know why I keep talking about her, why I keep breaking down. I know we have a case, I will do everything I can to not let you or the team down."
"Spencer its fine, we all understand, I just ask that you talk to us and that you take care of yourself."
"I will, I promise, for the next few days I will focus entirely on the case and on catching the Widow maker." Reid said sling his messenger bag over his shoulder.
Hotch nodded but didn't move "Spencer I would like your gun and I want to know if you would be willing to share a room with someone."
"I'm not suicidal." Reid said angrily
"I'm not saying you are but you have a lot of unresolved grief and guilt and it would be so easy to just end all of that pain with a single shot." Hotch said putting the bear down on a seat and held his hands out.
Spencer looked at him then slowly took off his gun and holster and handed them over. Hotch put the gun in his bag as Reid pushed past him and left the plane. Hotch followed carrying the bear in his hand. No one commented or even raised an eyebrow at Hotch carrying Reid's bear or at Reid's lack of a gun. Reid got to an SUV with Morgan and Emily and they went to the morgue and the crime lab, while JJ, Rossi, and Hotch went to the police station.
"Agents I would say I'm happy to see you but while I appreciate the help I wish you didn't have to be here." Chief Welton said
"We understand, are Jane Elton and Anne Harris here yet?" Rossi asked
"Yes, both women are in my office, their husbands served in the same unit." Welton said
"Agent Jareau and I will talk to them." Hotch said
Chief Welton led them to his office while Rossi went to the conference room. An hour later the entire team was gathered together going over the scant evidence. Reid despite his promise to Hotch didn't speak a word and hunched over a pad of paper and evidence files.
"It's been a long day, let's call it a night and look things over tomorrow with fresh eyes." Hotch said after two hours.
Everyone prepared to leave except Reid who was writing on the note pad.
"Spence we're going to get food and then go to the hotel." JJ said
Reid jumped "You guys go; I'm going to keep working."
"No you're not." Morgan said picking up Reid's bag.
Reid looked around the room and saw everyone staring at him expectantly. He sighed and grabbing his messenger bag from Morgan left the room. The team went to an Indian restaurant but Reid picked at his food.
"Spencer you need to eat." Emily prompted
Reid ate half his plate before pushing it away. When they got outside Reid turned to Hotch
"I need to take a walk, if Rossi wants to come that's fine." Reid said knowing his family would be reluctant to leave him alone.
"That's fine kid, it's a nice night." Rossi said
Reid groaned clearly hoping Rossi would refuse. It was only a twenty minute walk to the hotel but Reid walked past the hotel and walked for an hour before Rossi put his foot down and insisted they go back. At the hotel Hotch was sitting in a chair in the lobby waiting for them.
"Spencer I got a room for you with two beds, I was thinking you could share with Rossi or myself." Hotch said walking over to them.
Reid glared at him but then softened his expression and shook his head. He started to walk over to the desk but Hotch gently took his hand and put a key in it. Reid gave a slight smile and picking up his bag went to the elevators.
"So you don't mind sharing a room with me?" Rossi said
"No, and Reid might end up sharing a room anyway." Hotch said
"He's tough I can't imagine dealing with the pain he has and still working."
"Spencer has spent most of his life dealing with loss and hardship, going forward is the only way he knows how to live."
"But it's catching up with him."
Hotch didn't reply he simply picked up his bags and followed Reid to the elevators.
The next morning at eight the team was once again gathered in the hotel lobby waiting for Reid. However they only waited two minutes before the receptionist called Hotch over and handed him a piece of paper.
"What is it?" Morgan asked as Hotch walked back over to them.
"It's a message from Reid, he says he we woke up early and went to the station to work."
"What time was that?" Rossi asked
"Four in the morning." Hotch said
"Let's go." Hotch said before anyone else could speak.
They got to the station and found Reid asleep on top of a pile of folders a half empty coffee cup in front of him.
"Spence." JJ said softly shaking his shoulder.
Reid shot up in his chair and looked around sleepily "JJ? What time is it?" he asked.
"It's eight thirty in the morning; we've got coffee and bagels." Emily said handing Reid a cup of coffee.
"Oh, I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd work on the case I must have fallen asleep." Reid said sheepishly
"We can tell that by the drool marks." Morgan teased as he moved the folders.
"Derek!" Emily said putting a hand on Reid's shoulder.
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