Author's Notes: I own no Zim or any other characters from the show. Remember the warnings. That is all.

Balance

There was a stark contrast between the Tallests when they were alone and when they were with each other. Being a Vortian, Lard Nar didn't know everything about the Irken government, but everyone on his planet had at least some idea of the laws that governed Irk.

Red and Purple were taller than everyone else, so they had become the Tallests, no questions asked. They would always be Tallest until someone taller than them came along, or they happened to die.

Lard Nar was hoping the second would happen before the first, but either way, their position wasn't something they could just quit.

When Purple was alone, he became melancholy and irritable. His cheerful stupidity was a false persona he kept up around the drones and his partner.

Red on the other-hand was more laid-back when Purple was by his side. He smiled more and thought rationally about every problem presented to him. Lard Nar didn't spend enough time around him to assume this was a persona, but apparently when the red Tallest was alone he got violent and irrational.

Even so, the technicians remained deathly quite when both Tallests were in the room. The air would be heavy, and the silence unmeasurable, like they were attending a funeral.

Did Irkens even have funerals...?

Being Tallest Purple's slave was very annoying. In their society he was less than a table-headed service drone, and that was about as low as an Irken could get... but because he belonged solely to Purple, none of the other Irkens, including the red Tallest, could touch him.

This proved handy when he was searching for a way off the Massive. Unfortunately there were a lot of access codes needed for the docking bay, and the escape pods only activated during an emergency. There were vents and other things that could be used to make a grand escape, but he had no clue where anything went anymore.

It was just so... massive.

"Did I really help design this thing!" Lard Nar exclaimed suddenly.

Purple stopped reading whatever he had been reading and glanced over at him. "I don't know. Did you?"

"I thought I did..." the former captain muttered. He was sitting on the ground near the bed. "But I keep getting bloody lost in the bloody halls!"

"Eh..." Purple shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know anything about it. I just work here." He paused before adding, "Our builders could have changed some things."

"Probably..." Lard Nar agreed. "All of these wires sticking out everywhere are definitely part of an Irken design..."

"All the better to trip on of course," Purple remarked in a dull tone. "Now be quiet. I'm trying to read."

"Read what?" Lard Nar glowered at the Tallest. "You've been staring at that thing for the past half-cycle. Do you even know what it says?"

"Yes, it reads "99 ways to kill an annoying Vortian pest."

"Real funny..." Lard Nar remarked crossing his arms. "You zoned out, just admit it."

"And you didn't?"

"I got tired of waiting for your mind to come back, and for whatever stupid reason you have going on in your head, you won't let me leave the bloody room."

"Every time I let you go anywhere, you always try to escape," Purple replied wryly. "It's a bit annoying."

"Yeah? Well if you were a slave on board your enemy's ship, what would you do?"

"Never happen..." the Tallest stated, placing the tablet he was holding down on his desk.

"Hypothetically speaking," Lard Nar added with a hint of bitterness.

Purple rubbed one of his eyes and leaned forward a bit in his chair. "Well... first I would watch my captors for their weaknesses, poison them if possible, if that wasn't possible, I'd wait until I had access to them in a solitary place... then death and maiming would hopefully follow if I wasn't completely outclassed."

"And... you're letting me run around because?"

"One, you aren't running, you still have a limp. Two, you are much shorter and weaker than I am. Three, be grateful I don't keep you chained up."

Lard Nar balled his hands into fists. "So... you're telling me I'm not a threat to you then?"

"Yes, and if you are as intelligent as most Vortians seem to be, you'll let me keep thinking that way."

The Tallest was definitely moody again. Lard Nar narrowed his eyes at Purple. "You're acting like a brat."

"I won't act any differently," Purple retorted flattening his antennae against his head. He pushed himself away from the desk and stood up. "Besides... despite my general attitude, I am trying to be helpful."

Lard Nar just stared.

"You aren't dead right? Isn't that helpful?" Purple questioned.

"I guess so..." just ask the dlarn question he told himself. Slowly his fear of the Tallests had been disappearing. Purple apparently had no interest in killing or torturing him, although he'd received a few uncomfortable shocks when he refused to do stupid meaningless tasks, and Red seemed to be doing his best to ignore him completely.

One question wouldn't really make a difference now... would it?

"But why would you rescue me in the first place?"

Purple stiffened, and for a moment Lard Nar thought the Tallest wasn't going to answer.

"Good question," was the reply. Then another pause. "I guess... I respect Miyuki's wishes... even though she was killed on your planet."

"That was an accident caused by a very stupid Irken."

"Zim," Purple nodded. "Red and I know that now. Even so, you and the rest of your people were responsible for her safety that day. The fact that she was eaten by a blob creature so easily, the thing was made on your planet, and that no one else was harmed... well... we ended the alliance between Irk and Vort for that reason."

"I suppose that makes sense..." Lard Nar admitted. "I watched it happen... there wasn't anything I could do."

Purple smiled. "Tallests come and go. Look at what happened to Spork. He only lasted a few days, poor sucker. In a couple decades or so the next generation of Irkens will be grown, and if one of them is taller than me and Red, we're out."

He stretched his arms over his head. "Yup... but since Zim blew up most of our civilization, it'll probably be a while longer yet."

"He blew up your civilization?"

"Yeaah... it was during our first attempt at galactic conquest. Don't tell Red I told you, but there was an Operation Impending Doom one. It ended terribly. I can't remember the death toll exactly, but it was pretty big."

"Why wasn't he executed for that?"

Purple sighed. "Zim is... well... we wanted to, but then we didn't. He's different than us... call him what you want; an idiot or a defect, but the fact is he doesn't fit inside Irk's structure. Everyone who has assigned roles, a job they have to do until termination, would understand our strange fascination with him. Like... hope and jealousy I guess."

"That's a bit backwards."

"Yes, and he is annoying and stupid like you say, so we did try to have him terminated after he took control of the Massive and sent us through a star... the other attempts were kind of sloppy and spontaneous... call that the last straw I guess."

"That was Zim too...?" Lard Nar's mouth fell open in surprise. "He nearly killed you. If the double shield system hadn't been in place at that time..."

"Zim's corrupted data made the Control Brains insane," Purple continued. "They've been fixed, and now we know Zim can't be dealt with in the conventional way."

He started walking towards the door. "I'm going to grab myself a snack. If you want something, you have to tag along."

"Aren't you going to turn your hover belt on?" Lard Nar asked.

Purple blinked "Oh... right. Thanks slave." He flicked it on.

The former captain growled. "Call me Lard Nar... you twit." Even after Purple had shared all that information with him, the purple-eyed Tallest still had the nerve to call him a slave.

Purple turned to face the Vortian. "Only if you call me the Tallest."

"That's never going to happen."

Purple chuckled and shook his head.

"You are pretty stubborn for someone I can electrocute to within an inch of his life."

Lard Nar smirked. "Go ahead and try it Irken scum. I'll spite you by dying and coming back to haunt you for the rest of your miserable existence."

The former captain was beginning to learn more about the Tallests than he ever imagined, but he couldn't let his guard down. These tyrants were evil and needed to be stopped before they brought anymore planets to ruin.

"Just for that, I'm going to go to the control room, and you can go fetch me snacks."

"You're going to be waiting a long time for..." pain. He shut his eyes and ground his teeth as pulses of electricity raced through his body.

Purple held the remote, ready to press the button again if needed while Lard Nar slowly stood up. "If you don't want me to up the voltage, I suggest you do what you're told the first time Vortian."

More Author's Notes: Purple wasn't really reading "99 Ways to Kill and Annoying Vortian Pest." Actually, he doesn't really know what he was trying to read.

If the book exists, Red would probably have it in his room. This chapter was just to give a bit of background and the time-frame for this story. I think I mentioned somewhere that this fic takes place after the Trial episode so.. Zim has already been on trial for his life. Both Red and Purple know how the former Tallests were killed.

And yeah, even thought he helped design the thing, Lard Nar isn't quite sure how to navigate through the Massive. It's been a while, and the Irkens changed some of the original designs around during its construction.