December 15, 1994

Scully sighed as she entered her apartment, exhausted after the flight home. The air felt thick and stale as she stood and looked around, the emptiness it had experienced during their month in quarantine nearly tangible.

With a groan, she walked to the refrigerator, sure she was going to find various forms of mold growing inside of it. Opening the door, she saw it was nearly empty and she frowned before she smiled slightly.

Her mother must have come by, knowing the length of time they would be away. Thankful she had done so, she sighed and closed the refrigerator. Rolling her neck as she headed to the bathroom, intent on taking a long soak in the tub, her phone rang and she groaned.

Hoping it was not Mulder calling with some rogue case he had found, considering they had been given a week off, citing a month long quarantine where they had been poked and prodded daily, as a sufficient excuse to give them a chance to relax.

"Hello?" she said, closing her eyes and crossing her fingers.

"Dana! You're home! I was going to leave you a message on your machine, but I'm so glad to hear you're home." She smiled at the happiness she heard in her mother's voice.

"Just got home actually, not more than ten minutes ago. Your mother senses must have been activated." Her mother laughed and Scully walked down the hall to start the bath, letting the tub fill as they continued to speak.

"Thank you for taking care of things here," Scully said, pouring some lavender bubble bath into the warm water. Breathing in deeply, she sighed as the scent washed over her.

"Of course, honey. Umm, the reason I was going to leave you a message was about Christmas. I know you've just gotten back, but it's only a few days away. I wanted to let you know Bill and Tara won't be here as he had hoped to be, but Missy will be and Charlie. He has a flight on Christmas Day, but he will be here Christmas Eve. I thought… as it's been a year since we lost your dad… it would be nice to have, if not everyone, as many as we can home this year."

"Yeah,' Scully said softly, closing her eyes as she thought of her dad, remembering the way he behaved at Christmas, tolerating it all with a shake of his head and a small smile on his face.

"I just… I'd hoped you'd be home."

"I'm here," she whispered, opening her eyes and watching the bubbles rising in the tub.

"You aren't leaving again?"

"God, I hope not." Her mother hummed and she smiled. "No, we're off for a few days. Time off for good behavior it seems." This time her mother was silent and Scully sighed quietly.

"So everyone who's in town will be there?" she asked, hoping to break the tension that had appeared.

"Yes. It'll be good, I think."

"I agree, Mom. What time?"

"7:30 on Christmas Eve. Oh, and please ask Fox to join us."

Scully stepped out of the tub and wrapped herself in a large towel, as the water gurgled loudly down the drain. She felt flushed, her toes and fingers pruney, her hair wet and dripping down her back.

Grabbing another towel, she wrapped it around her hair, and wiped the steam from the bathroom mirror. Shaking her head as she looked at her reflection, she let out an exasperated breath.

Please ask Fox to join us.

Her mother's words had been playing on repeat since she had hung up the phone. She knew she and Mulder had formed a bond when she was missing, her mother telling her how much it had affected him when she was gone. How he had looked every time she saw him: his disheveled appearance, the circles under his eyes, his unanimated expressions.

"He was lost, Dana," her mother had said and Scully shook her head, not wanting to hear it.

Not after she had no memory of what did happen. And especially not after the nightmares had begun; the thought of the faceless men in the white room, a drill of some kind coming toward her, voices she could not understand, and the fear she felt at being unable to move.

She had them more while they had been in quarantine, perhaps the constant medical attention bringing them closer to the surface.

The first night it had happened, when she had woken up soaked in sweat, tears on her face, and her breathing erratic, her door had burst open and Mulder was there, the light from the hall all that filled her darkened room.

"Are you… are you okay? I heard screaming…" He had stood in the doorway, rumpled from sleep, as though unsure if he should enter any further.

"I… I don't know. No, I… I'm fine," she had lied and wiped at her face, turning away from him, her heart still racing.

"Like hell. You're not fine." She had turned her head, ready to yell at him, tell him she was perfectly capable of knowing how she felt, when the look on his face had stopped her.

He had looked exhausted and as she stared, she realized he had looked that way since before they ever came to the goddamn volcano. He had not wanted her to go, insisting she take more time off, but she had insisted more, telling him she needed to work.

During the time there, he had been overprotective and they both knew it. She understood, she did, but it had also pissed her off immensely. She could do her job and he knew that. She knew he knew that, yet it still had not stopped him from hovering or insisting she stay back and out of danger.

But as he had stood in the doorway of her room, his worry for her finally something she was ready to truly see, she had felt the anger drain out of her.

"It was a bad dream, that's all," she had said quietly.

"You're okay?" She had nodded and he had run his hand through his hair, nodding as he reached for the door handle. "Okay. Good night then."

"Wait. Would… could you… would you mind staying for a bit? Just…" She had watched the emotions cross his face and she sighed. "You don't have to… I… I'm fine now."

"I can stay," he had said, letting the door close and sitting in the lone chair in the room. He had smiled slightly at her as she adjusted her pillows and laid down.

The room had been silent until he started talking about something inane, her eyes closing as she had fallen asleep to the sound of his voice.

During the month they had spent there, he had come to her room a total of ten times, when her nightmares had woken him and he wanted to be sure she was okay. Eventually he had foregone the chair, and instead laid beside her. They did not touch, but his voice was like a balm, calming her and allowing her to sleep peacefully.

Now though, they were home, and she knew they would not speak of it again. Even though they both knew how much they needed the other, this would be something that remained known, but unspoken.

Changing into her pajamas, she dried her hair, had a cup of tea and went to bed, her body and mind exhausted.

December 16, 1994

The next day she cleaned her entire apartment. She did laundry, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen, dusted and vacuumed, finding peace in creating a clean environment.

When she had finished, she went shopping, buying enough groceries for the week, knowing for certain she would be home for at least that amount of time.

She made a salad and a chicken breast for dinner, drinking a glass of red wine as she did. Glancing at the phone, she realized that she had not heard from Mulder all day.

It was not unheard of, especially considering they had just spent a month together, day in and day out, but it still felt odd. Sighing as she stared at the phone, both wishing it would and praying it did not ring, she finished her glass of wine and cleaned up the kitchen.

December 17, 1994

In the morning, she called Ellen, who was delighted to hear from her, asking her many questions and inquiring after Mulder.

"How's that "not jerk" partner of yours?" Ellen teased and Scully smiled, remembering the day so long ago when she had thought that way about Mulder; his stubbornness and single minded drive, overwhelming at times.

"He's good," she answered simply, not divulging any details.

"Still not a jerk?"

"Definitely not."

"That's good."

"Hmm."

Plans were made for lunch the next day and Scully went to bed early, her thoughts on why once again she had not heard from Mulder.

December 18, 1994

"So then I said, 'well I'm not cleaning it up,'" Ellen said with a chuckle and the other women laughed. Scully forced a smile, her hands gripping her napkin.

When Ellen suggested lunch, Scully had not anticipated other women joining them. She did not know them and their presence had made her uncomfortable. She had been good at this once before, small talk and even gossip.

But now…

It felt commonplace and to be honest, a bit silly. She dealt in darkness and conspiracies, men who killed to protect government secrets. Listening to stories of household problems, kids who did not listen, or husbands who played too much golf, felt ridiculous and she had to fight rolling her eyes.

"I was abducted!" she wanted to yell, to see their faces when she said it. To have the table fall silent, not to continue the discussion about her abduction, but to shut them all up.

"That was fun, Dana. We need to do this more often. I know you're busy, but we need to see each other more often," Ellen said, hugging Dana goodbye a bit later.

"Yes, we do." She hugged her back and closed her eyes, knowing she would not be calling, their lives far too different.

Driving away from the restaurant, she made a left instead of a right and wound up at Mulder's apartment. Sitting in her car, she heard her mother's words again, and she closed her eyes.

Please ask Fox to join us.

Turning off the car, she stepped out and locked the doors. Walking through his lobby, her heart began to race, not knowing why.

You're being an idiot, she admonished herself as she stepped into the elevator. What in the hell is there to be nervous about? She shook her head and sighed as the elevator began to rise.

Clearing her throat, she knocked on his door and waited. Her fingers traced over his apartment key on her key ring that he had given her months ago, deciding if she should use it, when she heard him moving around inside. She swallowed as she stepped back and put both hands in her pockets.

"Hey," he said, a look of surprise on his face. "I thought you were the Chinese food I ordered."

"Sorry, no." She smiled and he opened the door wider. She stepped in, under his arm, and stopped in the dining room, turning to look at him.

"Figured you would have been tired of seeing my ugly mug," he teased as he closed the door. She smiled slightly and looked down. "You okay?" She nodded and raised her head. His eyes searched hers and she sighed.

"I had lunch today with some old friends. Well… an old friend who invited others to join us. I didn't know them and…" She sighed again, shrugging her shoulders.

"You didn't like them?"

"I don't know. I…"

A knock sounded at the door and they both jumped. He put up a finger and she nodded as he opened the door and paid the delivery man. Closing the door again, he set the bag of food on the table and looked at her.

"Can I interest you in some egg rolls?" he asked and she shook her head. "Right, you've just come from lunch." He stared at her and she took a deep breath.

"I should get going. Let you eat."

"It's Chinese food, it'll keep. Always better cold anyway."

"So you always say." He smiled and she let out a breath. "I just felt so disconnected from them." He nodded she shook her head. "It's been so long since I've done anything with Ellen, or anyone really, I felt out of place."

"Hmm," he hummed with another nod.

"I don't want to talk about what happened to me. I don't remember it. Or… maybe I do but I don't want to… I don't know." She closed her eyes and sighed. "I don't want to talk about it…"

"But you want them to know." She looked up at him and let out a deep breath.

"Yes and no. It just felt mundane talking about kids and husbands who golf too much while I…" She shrugged and he nodded.

"Believe me, I understand."

"I know you do." She smiled and he nodded. "I don't want to constantly have it on my mind, but how can I not?"

"Have you had any nightmares?" he asked quietly and she shook her head. "That's good."

"Yeah." She shrugged and sighed. "Especially since I no longer have anyone around to bore me back to sleep."

"Hmm." He chuckled softly with a nod and she smiled.

"I should go. Let you eat."

"You could stay. Just me here… it gets kinda quiet."

"No, I should go." He nodded and she sighed, walking towards the door, wanting to stay but knowing it was best if she left.

"Sure I can't tempt you with some egg rolls?"

"Maybe next time." She looked back at him, her hand on the doorknob. "Oh, my mother has extended an invitation for you to join us for dinner on Christmas Eve." He stared at her and opened his mouth, but no words came out.

"Why?" he asked after a few seconds.

"Because it's Christmas and she's Maggie Scully." She smiled and he shook his head.

"I don't think I should. It's a year since your father died and I… it should just be family." An odd look crossed his face that she could not decipher, before he sighed and closed his eyes. "What time?"

"Oh… that was easier than I thought it would be," she said in surprise.

"Yeah, well…" He shrugged and she nodded.

"7:30 at my mom's house. I'll write down the directions-" She started to step towards him, but he stopped her with a shake of his head.

"I know how to get there," he said quietly and she froze. Of course he did. How many trips had he made during her absence?

"Okay. Well, I'll see you then," she whispered and he nodded, unable to meet her eyes.

She walked out and heard the lock clicking as she walked down the hall. As she stepped in the elevator, she suddenly felt like weeping. Covering her mouth, the doors thankfully closed before the sound of her sobs could echo down the hall.

After that meeting, they did not speak nor see each other again. Scully spent the next few days buying and wrapping gifts, relaxing, and not thinking about her abduction.

Or at least trying not to do so.

She had a few nightmares, waking up shaking and wanting to call him, but knowing she could not. He would accept her phone call, doing whatever she asked, but she could not continue to rely on him that way; she had to do it on her own.

On Christmas Eve, she put on a new dress, put her hair up and added a pair of pearl earrings her father had given her when she graduated from college. A small spritz of perfume and she looked at her reflection, checking that she was ready. Touching her earrings, she sighed.

"Thank you, Daddy," she whispered and left the bathroom.

The drive over to her mother's was spent in silence, thinking about her father and how much she missed him. Missed the way he would tell a joke and laugh before he even got to the punchline. His no nonsense attitude, but the smile that came behind it. The strict rules he adhered to, which helped shape and mold the person she had become.

"I miss you, Dad," she said softly, turning down her mother's street.

The house was lit up, a tree in the window, the white lights shining brightly. As she walked up to the door, she wondered who had decorated outside, it looked professional.

"Dana! Oh, honey, it's so good to see you." Her mother held her tightly, Scully hugging her back, taking a deep breath. It smelled of spices and she closed her eyes at the familiar Christmas scent. "You're early."

"I thought I'd see if you needed any help." Her mother pulled back, holding onto her upper arms as she nodded.

Half an hour later, everything was ready and people began to arrive. There were a few people from church there, people her father had held in high esteem. Charlie came in to cheers and applause. He grinned and hugged them all as Missy walked in, a serene smile on her face.

As happy as she was to see them all, Scully kept an eye on the door, wondering when Mulder would arrive, wanting to be there when he did. She did not want him to be accosted and forced to make small talk.

"He's running a little late."

"What?" Scully asked, looking at her mother with a frown.

"Fox. He said he would be a few minutes late."

"When did he tell you that?" She looked at her mother, confusion on her face.

"He called earlier today and said he would be running late as he had an errand to run."

"He called you? He has your num-" But of course he did. Why was she surprised?

"He'll be here." Her mother patted her arm and smiled as she walked away.

"Yeah, Dana. He'll be here," Missy teased, handing Scully a tumbler glass of whiskey. They clinked their glasses and she tried not to watch the door, not wanting to hear her sister's gloating tone.

At almost 8:00, the doorbell rang and her mother walked over to answer it. Scully heard Mulder's low murmur and her mother's soft laugh, and then he was in the room, his eyes finding hers immediately.

Her stomach did a flip flop and she shook her head, walking over to him as she mentally rolled her eyes at her own ridiculousness.

"Hey. Sorry I was late. I was…" He stopped, looking her up and down. "Wow… you look…"

"Hello, Fox. Sorry... Mulder." Missy said and they both turned to look at her.

"Melissa. It's nice to see you again." He cleared his throat and Missy looked at Scully, raising her eyebrows.

"Would you like a drink?" Missy asked and he shook his head.

"No, I'm fine." He looked at Scully as Missy walked away. She smiled at him and he did the same. "Sorry I was late."

"It's okay." Without thinking, she reached up and smoothed his tie, the knot slightly askew. When she realized what she was doing, she dropped her hand, her cheeks burning.

"Thanks," he said softly, touching his tie and she nodded. "What are you drinking?"

"Whiskey. You want some?" She offered her glass and he took it, taking a sip. He made a face and handed it back to her.

"No. That's godawful. Aack." She laughed as she took a sip, having no such reaction.

"Beautiful," he said quietly and she frowned. "I was going to say 'beautiful.'" She continued to frown until she drew in a deep breath and let it out as she understood what he meant.

"It's a new dress." She shrugged, as though implying that was all it was, her mouth feeling dry as her heart began to race.

"Mm-hmm." He nodded as her mother called everyone to dinner. He gestured for her to go first, his hand landing on the small of her back as she did, his fingers pressing gently and then disappearing.

The meal was delicious, with a toast to her father given which caused nearly everyone to tear up. Missy sniffled beside her and Scully reached for her hand, squeezing it gently.

After they ate, people sat around the table, talking about their families, friends, and plans for the new year. Mulder poured some wine into his glass and pushed it toward Scully, his arm going around and resting on the back of her chair.

As the talk turned to what had happened during the past year, Scully felt his thumb rub softly against her back, nearly imperceptible. She did not even notice how her breathing had increased until she felt his touch. Glancing at him, he kept his eyes on the person speaking, not looking her way.

Never had she been more grateful to have someone like him beside her. Someone who understood how it felt to be an outsider, while others around you carried on without a care.

His right hand was on the table and as she reached for the glass of wine, she ghosted her fingertips across his, silently thanking him. His thumb increased its pressure on her back for a second and then his touch was gone, though his arm remained on the chair.

When they moved into the living room, gifts were handed out to everyone, even Mulder, who seemed genuinely surprised by it. He held it in his lap, not opening it as everyone laughed and ripped off the ribbons and colorful paper.

"I didn't bring a gift for everyone," he whispered beside her and she smiled, laying the red ribbon on the sofa.

"Nor did you have to," she said, looking at him. "My mother is my mother. This is how she says thank you. Open your gift."

"Thank you for what?" he asked, looking down at the present lying on his lap. She said nothing and he raised his head, staring into her eyes. Neither of them said anything, but she knew he understood when he nodded, his hand brushing her knee in the pretense of moving the ribbon, and she shivered.

Laughter and thanks filled the air, people holding up their gifts for the others to see. Her mother smiled, her eyes sparkling with tears as she nodded, accepting their thanks.

Scully watched Mulder open his gift and smiled when she saw a tie and a pair of gloves. He took them out and tried them on, humming his appreciation.

"That's the nicest looking tie you own," she teased and he smiled with a nod, setting down the gloves and picking up the tie.

"I think you may be right."

"Oh, I know I am." He laughed and looked at her as she smiled.

"Do they fit alright?" Her mother stood by the sofa, smiling nervously, pointing at the gloves.

"They do, thank you, Mrs. Scully. I fear my gift wasn't quite up to scratch."

"No, Fox. It was perfect." She rubbed his shoulder and walked away to speak to Charlie.

"What did you give her? I didn't see her open anything." He smiled and said nothing. "Mulder?"

"I gave her a Christmas Cactus. They don't only bloom at Christmas, but I thought…. for your father and… you…" He shrugged, his leg bouncing. "I tried to find one but couldn't until today. That's why I was late, I found a nursery that would stay open, but it was farther than I had planned." He shrugged and she stared at him.

"Mulder…" He looked at her and she sighed, not sure how to say what she was feeling. Nodding, he put the tie back in the box and glanced at her again. She smiled and found his hand, squeezing and letting go.

When he left, she walked with him to his car, shivering in the cold night air, despite the warmth of her coat.

"Well, I had a good time," he stated, as though surprised, as he set his gift in the car and turned to look at her.

"Surprising, I know, considering there were no aliens or volcanic life forms." He smiled as she raised her eyebrows and put her hands in her pockets.

"Not what I meant, but…"

"What did you mean? What were you expecting to happen?"

"Nothing to happen, per se, it's just… I'm not family, nor exactly friendly with anyone, save you, and with your father's anniversary, it just didn't feel right." He shrugged and she tilted her head, digesting his words.

"But you're here and you agreed to be rather quickly when I asked you. You never really explained why." He sighed and looked at the house, rubbing a hand across his mouth.

"Because of your mother."

"How do you mean?" she asked, curious to hear his answer.

"I could say because I like her, she's a kind person, but…"

"What?" He sighed again and put his hands in his pockets.

"When you were in the hospital, after you'd been… returned," he said, closing his eyes. "The doctor told your mother and I about your living will, which I already knew about but never expected to have to think about so soon. When you fell below the criteria… the hospital had to abide by your decisions."

Tears filled her eyes, imagining her mother in that situation and how she must have felt, but knowing her decisions had been right.

"It's better to be prepared and have a plan, instead of forcing a family member to be the one to do it. To lay that guilt upon them."

"And I agreed with you when I signed as your witness," he said, opening his eyes. "I still feel the same way, but… seeing it in black and white and written down on paper, is different than experiencing it as you were lying there in a coma." She nodded, wiping her cheeks, her tears warm, but cheeks cold.

"When they were walking out of the room to begin removing you from the respirator and the other life saving devices, your mother said you and I had a friendship built on respect and that while the moment was for family, I could join them if I wanted."

He stared at her and she began to cry, unable to hold back the tears, as she understood what had made him agree to join them for dinner tonight. He stepped forward and pulled her close, her arms wrapping tightly around his waist, burying her face in his coat. Holding her as she cried, he murmured softly, his hands rubbing slowly up and down her back.

Pulling from him, she wiped her face, taking deep breaths as she did, trying to regain calm. She looked up at him and he smiled softly, his eyes searching her face, nodding as he seemed to receive the answer he was seeking.

A snowflake suddenly landed in his hair and she looked up as more began to fall. She laughed as she met his eyes again., watching the snow falling onto him, his hair filling with white flakes.

"I think you'd better get inside before you become a snowman… snow woman? Lady?" He furrowed his brow and she laughed.

But then her breath caught when, just as he had last year, he cupped her cheek, his thumb brushing away a snowflake. His hand was warm, his touch soft and gentle.

"Merry Christmas, Dana," he whispered, and she closed her eyes briefly, his thumb stroking her cheekbone and moving down to her chin, his fingers on her neck.

"Merry Christmas, Mulder," she whispered back, opening her eyes and staring at him. His eyes dropped to her lips and her heart fluttered, her hands coming up to his chest, almost of their own accord.

He began to lean in closer, when loud laughter erupted from her mother's open door and echoed in the quiet of the night. Her hands dropped down as she pushed off of his chest, his hand moving from her cheek. He cleared his throat as the people leaving the party exclaimed over the falling snow.

"Well…" he said, stepping back and dropping his eyes.

"Be careful driving home," she said and he nodded, raising his eyes to hers. She smiled with a nod and he let out a breath.

"You get inside, snow woman. It's starting to come down harder. Don't want you to catch a cold." He held her gaze and she heard the words he was not saying.

"Okay." She stepped back and made to walk toward the house when she turned around and stepped closer to him.

Reaching up on tiptoes, she kissed his cheek, the cold of the snowflakes falling contrasting with the warmth of his skin.

"Merry Christmas, Mulder," she whispered again as she pulled back. He nodded with a small smile and she smiled back.

"Get in where it's warm. I'll see you in a couple of days." She nodded and walked to the porch, turning around to watch him leave.

Waving goodbye, she stepped inside the house, hung up her coat, and went into the bathroom.

Fixing her hair, she smiled at the pink in her cheeks, knowing it was not only from the chill of the night.

No, it was from the man who chased monsters, believed in aliens, saw conspiracies in nearly everything, and had earned family status as a result of the care and devotion he had shown to her and her mother during her absence.

The one who, despite her very best efforts, had taken up residence in her heart and would be impossible to evict.

Not without taking part of her heart away with him.