For the fourteenth year in a row the Chief Executive Officer was throwing his annual Christmas party. Cogs didn't celebrate Christmas themselves, instead it was an opportunity for the most elite of the elite to get together, drink hard oil, and discuss the upcoming years assault on the Toons. While there were a few Anti-Toons allowed, they would be the tiny minority. One cog who had not been invited this year was the Vice President. After a dispute regarding the recent "Operation Storm Sellbot" raid that the Toons had brought upon Sellbot HQ had been devastating for the cogs as a whole, and an embarrassment for the VP. In a moment of spite, the fifth in command on the cog hierarchy had decided to throw his own Christmas party and invite all of the cogs and Anti-Toons who had not been invited to the CEO's. However, even for many who saw an opportunity to mingle, and maybe even get a promotion, the fear of retaliation from the CEO was enough to keep almost everybody away. By the time the party had started in the lobby of his mansion, only nineteen other guests had shown up, most of them Toons. The VP didn't even know who most of these guests were. Some of them were certainly not Anti-Toons and he wasn't sure how they had gotten there, but it was a small respite from the loneliness and frustration that would otherwise eat at him throughout the night. A large arrangement of food and drinks had been placed out. Most of it was oil, which was inedible to most of the Toons. However the VP had managed to scrap together some remains from Toons he had defeated in previous battles. Once all of the guests had arrived, the music had started, and the atmosphere was right, it was time for his big speech. "Good evening my fellow cogs, and Anti-Toons. Thank you all for coming to this spectacular event. I know that for many of you this may seem taboo, but I assure you that everybody here will be handsomely rewarded for their efforts. Now, all of you are here, presumably, because you hate Toons. Well I hate Toons too!" Holding up his expensive glass he waited for the awkward laughter to subside. "Now, I have become aware of a little shindig taking place at the leader of the Toons private estate. Flippy, I believe his name is. Well I think that goes against everything that I believe in and I think that we would be best off showing them, and those pompous elites at the CEO party, how to defeat a Toon. But first, let us enjoy ourselves! We will come back to this later!"
The crowd dispersed and began to intermingle among themselves. A red dog had began to make his way around, searching out for somebody worthwhile of his time, when he was stopped in his tracks by a light yellow dog. "Stella, what the heck are you doing here?" Walking over he patted the other dog on the back.
Turning around, the yellow dog scowled and waved him off. "Lowden, what a horrible surprise to see you here. Shouldn't you be hitting on some unassuming girl somewhere? I'm busy talking to this handsome fellow here." A purple bear wearing a sweater vest and orange shorts nodded to Lowden, before taking a sip from his champagne.
"Oh, think you're too good for me, now? Whatever. You were always an ugly skank anyways, Stella. You were lucky I ever gave any attention to you." Stepping away, he left the pair of other Toons to their own devices.
"So, what is a tall, handsome fella like you doing here?" Stella leaned against a wall, licking her finger and running it across her forehead. "Shouldn't you be out with your... girlfriend?"
The purple bear shrugged. "Eh, I'm not seeing anyone right now. I was dating someone but she left me for some loser. I saw an invitation for this party on the ground when I was walking home from work. Figured I'd stop in and see what was going on." Stopping, he chugged the rest of his drank before tossing the glass off to the side and shattering it on the carpet. "Anyways, did you know that guy?"
"Eh, we dated for a bit a few years ago. He's kind of a loser too. Sounds like him and your ex-girlfriend would be perfect together!" The pair chuckled and continued to talk. "So you got a name or are you just going to keep me guessing all night?"
"Oh yeah. My name is Berry. You can just call me Berry. or Chef Berry. Actually call me Chef Berry. Taking it your name is Stella then?" Berry adjusted his sweatervest, trying to tighten as close to his body to better accentuate his biceps and pecs.
Across the room Lowden had begun talking to an orange duck who had been stuffing silverware into her pocket. "I brought these with me! These are mine! You didn't see anything!" Stepping back, the shorter Toon gazed up at the red dog and scoffed. "Hey, wait a minute. I've seen you before." Leaning in, she quietly whispered into Lowden's ear. "You're no Anti-Toon. Aren't you on the Toon Council or something?"
"Woah, not tonight babe. Tonight I'm just a dog out on the town looking for some fun. Didn't expect to see such a beautiful Toon at a place like this though. What's your name, sweetheart?"
"Ugh, you can cut the crap. I'm not some teeny-bopper. My name is Kung Pao. I'm an executive at an up-and-coming company in Retroville. Might have heard of me? Anyways, I'm not here to flirt and get cute. I'm here to take this place for everything I can get. I'm no Anti-Toon, and I'm pretty sure you're not either. Now, you say anything and I'm going to stab you with this fork." Swiping a few more knives, Kung went over and continued to hunt for other valuables.
Lowden stood stunned, he had never met a woman like that. "Mmm, playing hard to get. Don't worry, I'll get you sweetie." he whispered to himself. As he stepped backwards he nearly knocked into the largest Corporate Raider he had ever seen.
"Arrrgh, watch where yer' goin ya blimey Toon. I'm havin' myself a conversation here, now ship off 'afore I make ya walk the plank!" The Corporate Raider chuckled and pushed Lowden aside, continuing his story to the lime green cat who was entranced by the Raider's terribleness. "Aye, so me and me crew are out off Donald's Dock. Truly terrible place. We had just gotten back from six months at sea and were in a mood for some trouble. Well wouldn't ya know there be a small sailin' ship out there. Families, children, the likes. All off em' rich and scummy as the rest of those Toons. Harr harr, well me n' the rest of tha crew made sure that their vacation wasn't so smooth. Couple'a shots from the cannon and all them Toons were sinkin' and meetin' Davey Jones. Not sure how many perished, but just seein' them struggle to save themselves was worthwhile. After that I made it a yearly tradition to stop by n' search out a ship to sink. There'n be one time tis cat. They kinda looked like yerself but with an eyepatch and a peg leg. Well they thought they were tuff n' tried to fight off me crew. I dropped back n' pretended to retreat. Couple days later came back and sunk them, killin' everyone on board. Bet that cats burnin' in Hell and wishin' they'd never messed with me!" Breaking out into a drunken laughter, the Raider gulped down a dual shot of hard-oil. "What about you, how many Toons av' you killed?"
The lime green cat stroked his chin and grinned evilly. "Well, I don't really keep a tab on everybody I have killed. It is well into the dozens now. Nothing much better than watching those poor bastards beg for their lives. I remember the first life I ever took. Was about... ten years ago now? Anyways, one night I went out just on a routine night of mugging. At the time I was just a small-time criminal, getting my feet wet. I hadn't even officially joined the Anti-Toons at that point. I didn't know they existed. It was just me and a couple partners. Well I run across this wealthy couple coming out of the theater. Real pompous looking monkey and his wife. I gave him the old woe is me routine and he fell for it like an idiot. I took him to this dark alley to come "help me get in my house."" The cat did quotations with his fingers. "Have to be a real Toon to fall for something that dumb. Well me and my partner start holding him up, a few things happen and the next thing I know this guy is dead. We dump his body. Then I remembered his wife had a good view on me and could go to the Rangers. Well we hunted her down while she was dropping off her kids at school. Did I feel a little bad for taking her out knowing she had two young children? Not a damn bit. She shouldn't have married such an idiot. Well I killed her a few weeks after her husband. From there it just kind of became routine. Somebody inconvenienced me? Well they... disappeared." The cat smiled, unquenched in his thirst for blood. "Chase Hucklefink is known around Toontown for a reason. They've never been able to keep me down too long though. Nope, not ol' Chase."
"Chase, that'd be a good name for a killer if I ever heard one. Maybe not as good as Captain Steelbeard, but good all the same, harr harr!" As Steelbeard continued, the music stopped and the VP started to speak again.
"Excuse me, excuse me everybody. I have a special treat for all of my special guests tonight!" Pushing out a large cube that was covered in a giant drape. "I had hoped to save this for a different occasion, but this seems as good a time as ever. While our searching the seas, our friend here Captain Steelbeard has brought us quite the treat. Something that is foreign not only to us cogs, but to the Toons as well!" Ripping off the covering, all eyes were on the figure inside of what was a heavily reinforced cage. An orange monkey leapt back and forth, pounding its fists against the steel bars and yelping loudly and angrily. "My friends, I offer you the first known cannibalistic Toon. This little guy was found on an island a few hundred miles away from Toontown. This dummy thought that he could eat a cog, and well that didn't go well." the VP pointed to his teeth and made a shattering motion with his hands. "Well we were kind enough to bring him back here and he is going to be the first exhibit in our Toon Zoo. It will be Cog Nation's greatest attraction! If anybody wants to take a look at him, feel free! Just be careful not to get to close, at least not you Toons! Let us recommence in about fifteen minutes to discuss the evening's plans! Everybody continue what you were doing!"
A tall yellow-faced, periwinkle rabbit was busy speaking with a black cat when he had been interrupted. Quickly resuming what he was doing, he continued bragging. "Oh, wow. You make movies. I guess that is pretty cool. I mean, it's not like anybody with a camera could do that y'know?"
The cat responded sarcastically. "Yeah, I guess it is something anybody could do, but I DO have three of the top five highest grossing films in Toontown history. Heck, I had a movie about a Toon falling in love with a cog well before that silly mayor's daughter was even born. Not that I'm bragging or anything. Well actually, I am bragging a little. But I'm sure you have lived quite the extravagant life with your, um, well what was it you do again?"
"My father was a wealthy business owner who mysteriously died and left the business to me. Well, I don't care about businesses or the like so I dissolved the company, fired everybody and sold off everything that wasn't nailed down for profit. Now I just use my massive loads of money to do whatever I want. I have to say, it is pretty good. I'm dating the heiress to the second largest company in Toontown and when we get married we will likely be the richest Toons ever. But that's pretty cute about your little movies and everything. Is your significant other as, um, successful as you?"
Quentin yawned and stretched out his arms. "Ah, I do not believe in romance. After all, that would be admitting that I am not good enough which in truth would be incorrect. I am successful on my own terms and do not need the benefit of anybody else. But I guess we can't all be that way, can we?" Sipping his drink he spit it out when he accidentally made eye contact with a lime green duck that was across the room. "Please excuse me. I know that my presence is propping up your evening but I see somebody I must speak to."
On the other side of the room was a pair of lime green ducks. One wore a purple wizard hat, while the other donned orange robes. Neither looked like they belonged, although that would likely apply to all of the evening's guests. "Why did you drag me here, Jack? I thought you said that there was going to be an opportunity for shenanigans and hijinks. This is just a boring meet & greet with cogs and Toons I don't know. At least let me turn somebody's head into a pumpkin or something."
"Don't worry, Jack. it will come. Speaking of trolling, here comes an old friend right now." The younger duck widened his arms and grinned. "Ah, if it isn't um, Quinton? Quentin? Quimby?"
"It is Quentin. I can't believe that you could possibly forget someone like me. I guess maybe that is for the best. After all it has been twenty years. I'm surprised you're willing to show your face around Toontown." Turning, the black cat faced the other duck. "Had to make a clone version of yourself so that you wouldn't look like a loner? You know, most of us came here alone. No need to feel bad about being a loser who has no friends."
The older duck guffawed as his younger brother turned red with anger. "If you must know, this is my brother Jack. You might know him as the Halloween prankster? I wouldn't anger us if I were you. Just because I don't have my powers right now doesn't mean I can't come find you and... well I'll do something!"
"Ha, alright then, Jack. You do whatever you need to do. I'm just here because I felt like you all needed someone to liven up your lives. I'm going to get myself another drink." Stepping away from the brothers, Quentin walked away and left the younger Jack fuming.
"Well, looks like he got you. Don't worry about it too much, he's probably just as much of a loser as you are. How did you guys know each other anyways?" The older Jack patted his brother on the head, until the younger duck swiped the hand away angrily.
Clenching his fists, Jack stared at Quentin and growled. "He ruined my plans to bring eternal salvation upon the world, which is why I have had to wait for Him to return all this time. You already know about it. You're feigned ignorance doesn't impress me or humor me. Now shut up and let's just enjoy the night. I heard that we are going to be crashing Flippy's Christmas party later. Were you not paying attention?"
"Wait, Flippy? Ah, nothing would make me happier than bringing down that smug dog. Cog, I hate him. I guess that would make this worthwhile. Well I guess we can have a drink or two while we wait. Come on, I think I saw some ginger seltzer. Let's go." The duo of ducks walked to a separate table away from Quentin and took place near a pair of cogs who immediately walked away.
The first cog, a Bloodsucker, clacked his shoes exaggeratedly against the hardwood floor as he made sure the Toons saw him leaving. "Ugh, I hate Toons. Really can't wait until we can destroy them all once and for all. Did you know there are actually Toon sympathizers among the cogs now? I heard that a Telemarketer from Sellbot HQ's marketing division has abandoned the cause to marry a Toon. It is just ridiculous."
"You're telling me. It is getting harder and harder to trust anybody, even those Anti-Toons. I actually got in trouble for giving one a quick poke in the eye. As if he didn't deserve it. How can we say we're against Toons and then immediately coddle them at every opportunity? Well, I'm sure I'll never see Daron again so I guess there is no need to get worked up about it. So, have you heard anything about Victor? I heard that he bit a Toon and was supposed to be reprimanded for it."
"Yeah. I actually think he is here tonight. Probably trying to redeem himself so that he isn't destroyed later. Never cared much for him. He's a useful pawn, but not much else. I hope he doesn't see me. I can just imagine it now. "Hey, Drayvon! It's me, Victor! Remember me! We're gonna destroy the Toons! But I'm going to be an idiot and get caught while doing it!"" The pair of cogs chuckled before immediately hushing.
As if he had a radar for his name, a second Bloodsucker popped up and grinned a toothy smile. "Evening, guys. It's me, Victor! I'm from Lawbot HQ! Remember me, Drayvon?" The first Bloodsucker looked exasperatedly at the Pencil Pusher. "What a coincidence that you guys would be here. I didn't think there would be any other cogs here. At least any that weren't Sellbots. I'm actually surprised no Sellbots are here though. Pretty weird, don't you think?"
"Yeah, probably because you're here Victor." Drayvon pinched his nose. "Anyways, we were just talking about our plan for tonight when we invade the Toon party. Apparently that Toon you attacked is going to be there, so... Maybe it would be best if you just stayed behind. We wouldn't want to risk you getting in trouble with Edward again."
"Edward? More like the CEO! Don't tell anybody but I heard the CEO is really cracking down on things next year. He's going to be looking for the smallest infractions to make an example out of anybody who dares cross his path. I wouldn't risk anything." Nate held out his hand and examined his fingers, stretching and repealing them back in. "Have either of you had a chance to talk to Steelbeard yet? Now that is a cog who fears nobody. I've heard he has killed hundreds of Toons."
Standing behind the three cogs, a horse whinnied and chuckled as the latest comment. "Killed hundreds of Toons? Are you sure you three aren't referring to me?" The trio turned at once to fake a tall, chubby, pink horse who had his hands in his pockets. "Sorry, couldn't help but overhear you guys talkin' about killing Toons. Well that just so happens to be my favorite pastime. You guys need someone taken out? I can do it for a price."
"Get out of here, Toon. We don't need your help. All of us, well two of at least, are experts at ridding Toons. Why don't you go wander off and speak with your own kind. You should feel blessed to even be here." Drayvon seethed as the horse snickered.
"Fine, but you all better watch your back. I don't discriminate against Toon or cog. You're all worthless to me." Skipping off, the horse dragged a baseball bat behind him, scraping up the floor. As he walked, he was stopped by a shaggy looking white monkey. Biting his lip, he furrowed his brow as his patience thinned. "You better get out of the way, man."
The monkey shook his head and stuck out his hand. "Hey, just wait a minute man. My name is Tyler. I am a super agent. Do you have a dream that you wish fulfilled? Well I am your Toon! I can get you into movies, TV, or anything else your mind desires!"
"No thanks, Tyler. I work alone and for myself. I do not require any services. However if you ever need any services, feel free to find me. I come with a high price, but I assure you the work will be done professionally." Holding out a business card, he handed it to Tyler who took it skeptically.
"Um, thanks... Poppensticks? That is appreciated. Don't think I would ever need to kidnap or kill anybody... but if I do I will reach out." Turning and speed-walking off, he called out without facing the horse. "Just remember my generous offer if anybody ever inquires about me!"
Throughout the night, many of the guests had begun to intermingle with different characters. Jack and Chase had gotten together and discussed the Great Gourd and his not-a-cult. Berry and Tyler had discussed opening a new restaurant near Romeo's Bakery to try and siphon business. Everything was going exquisitely, much to the VP's surprise. However the time had come and now it was time for action. Addressing the room once again, he cleared his throat and held up his hands. "Good evening, everybody. I am sorry to interrupt the fun but I believe it is the right time to address why we are really here. As I have mentioned, the Toons are throwing what they believe to be a simple Christmas party. Well, they didn't account for us. They will no longer be the harbingers of destruction to cogs and Anti-Toons alike. Tonight, we will storm and destroy them! We will beat them at their own game! Is everybody with me!" There was a half-cheer from the group. Most who would go along with the idea. Tyler scratched his head and looked around. He wasn't really here to destroy anybody. Although maybe while he was there he could hand out his business card or something. "Very well. Then everybody, follow me!"