Reasons

Warning/notes: Annoying OC alert. I don't own invader Zim. Ral is my OC, but the Irken species belongs to Jhonen. I put almost zero effort in making up Ral. He's just some annoying nobody on the Massive really...

He raced down halls, through corridors, down flights of stairs and used several hover platforms. He was happy to test out his mobility, but he wasn't thrilled about having to do whatever it was the Tallest wanted him to do.

There weren't very many Irkens in the hallways, but the ones who were walking, minding their own business, were very quick to get out of his way. The one janitorial drone that wasn't ended up against the wall with a bucket stuck to his face. Vortians were fast. There was no doubt about it, but Lard Nar couldn't keep up the pace and he eventually slowed down to a jog.

Prolonged running wasn't a Vortian's speciality. Short bursts of speed were good, but anymore than that would cause them to lose their balance. It was a tricky thing. Young Vortians who didn't know their limits would race each other until they collapsed, damaging their lungs and zapping their energy.

"I think I'm on level six... three more levels..." he told himself wiping some sweat from his forehead. He spotted another platform and smirked. "There's level five."

No pain or side-effects of any kind. If it wasn't for the dlarn collar around his neck he might have felt free for a moment.

I will not die a slave... I can't die a slave.

At least he had hope.

And now he really needed to walk the rest of the way...

"Woe..." the Irken standing at two large doors blinked. He was a decent height, not as tall as most of the invaders, but he wasn't quite as short as a janitor either. "You navigated through the Massive already?"

"Didn't I... have to?" Lard Nar asked still trying to catch his breath. He was pretty sure that despite his best efforts, he had ended up being late anyway.

The Irken laughed and slapped his forehead. "Ho ho, no," he responded. "My Tallest told me to expect you in half a cycle."

A bloody half an hour? Lard Nar squeezed his hands into fists. The Tallest was messing with him.

"But hey, the sooner you start the sooner you finish right?" Ral questioned shrugging his shoulders. "Come with me, I'll show you around."

Ral's smile seemed genuine. He walked with his head up as well, something that Irkens on the upper floors didn't do. This Irken had probably never been on the receiving end of either of his Tallest's wrath Lard Nar decided.

The giant doors opened and a light flicked on. There were rows of snacks lining the shelves on the walls and there were even more stacked on shelves in the middle of the room. They rose high enough to almost touch the ceiling.

"Your job is to reorganize everything," Ral explained.

"On my own?" Lard Nar asked blinking up at the shelves.

"Yup, I'm just here to supervise," Ral told him before gesturing around the room. "I've already organized all of this once, alphabetically of course, but Tallest Purple decided he wants everything arranged by colour and hue instead."

"But... what does colour have to do with anything? They're just wrappers."

Ral gasped. "Colours not important? Slave, in Irken society, colours are everything! Besides, the taste is usually different depending on the colours. For example: things wrapped in blue wrapping often taste like Blukal berry, right?"

"Unless there's low sodium, then its that colour for the low sodium..." Lard Nar remarked, not at all impressed by the explanation. "Besides, I thought height was everything.."

"See? Colours are important," Ral remarked, pointing an accusing finger at the Vortian. "Now you better start organizing or you'll be here all week."

"I think I'm going to be here all week regardless."

Ral was a fairly talkative Irken. He smiled a lot, told horrendous jokes and long stories about his days as a regular Irken citizen, offered advice when it was not wanted, and that was all he did.

"So she set the Blorch Rat on fire. Get it?" Ral laughed. "On fire!"

Lard Nar gave him a blank stare before reaching for another package of something.

Ral's laughter died away quickly when he realized the Vortian didn't appear to be getting the joke. The red-eyed Irken crossed his arms. "I'm starting to think you don't have a sense of humor."

"Really? I was thinking the same thing about you," Lard Nar retorted.

"My jokes are funny!" Ral insisted sounding a bit defensive.

The former captain of the Resisty rolled his eyes. He wasn't sure how long he had been trapped inside the storage pod, but he was beginning to wish he was alone completely rather than being forced to share bad company with a loud-mouthed Irken.

"You know, back before I worked on the Massive..."

Lard Nar tuned him out and continued filing the snacks on the shelf.

"That blue is darker than it should be!" Ral suddenly cut in, snapping Lard Nar from his daze.

"Did the Tallest say it had to be done well?" Lard Nar growled.

Ral opened his mouth to speak, and then he paused, looking somewhat puzzled. "Well no actually..." the Irken replied scratching his head. His eyes hardened a bit and he stood up straighter. "But the Tallests always expect a good job!" He insisted.

The Vortian sighed. Ral wasn't quite as dumb as he looked.

"Just shut up so I can get this done."

"Heeeyy! That's definitely the wrong shade of blue!"

This was going to be a very... very long assignment..

Purple glanced up from his writing tablet when he heard the door open. He chuckled a bit when he saw how exhausted Lard Nar appeared. The Vortian looked like he could collapse at any moment.

"That stupid Irken... does he ever shut up?" Lard Nar asked.

"Will you ever stop asking me questions?" Purple countered, placing his stylus down on the desk. There was no point trying to write anything now.

The Vortian was still a bit dazed, so it took him a moment to realize what the response had been. "Oh, ha... ha..." he remarked not sounding the least bit amused. "Well you can make fun of me all you want, but your servant, or drone or whatever he is, will not be responding to ANY of your transmissions now."

"Did you kill him?" Purple questioned, completely unfazed.

"Should I be appalled or sickened by that comment...?" Lard Nar pondered out-loud to himself. He shook his head. "Of course I didn't kill him! I simply tied him up with a rope I fashioned out of wrappers and gagged him with his own boot. If your want to look for him, you'll find him in one of the weapons storage units on the fourth floor."

Purple shrugged his shoulders. It was obvious to the former captain that the Tallest didn't care for the safety or well-being of this particular follower. He didn't seem to care much about any of his followers.. so the fact that Purple sometimes responded to their pleas for help was a little puzzling

"Heh..." Purple smirked. "A rebel that can't kill huh? What were you thinking trying to stand against the Empire?"

"A soldier and the planet's leaders are much different than a babbling fool of a civilian."

"There might be civilians, but we are all soldiers," Purple replied leaning back a bit in his chair. "Some are just better than others."

"But if you are programmed as an adviser, or a food service worker, or anything else like that, would you still be considered a soldier?"

Purple paused. "You know... You're the only one that makes me think this much."

"You're welcome."

The Tallest sighed. "Well... all of us are born soldiers... but the fact that some of us get recoded to do something else would suggest that not all Irkens are expected to fight or participate during invasions, still, all of us are capable of fighting whether we are coded for it or not. It's almost like... a primary function really. All smeets go through basic combat training."

Lard Nar nodded in recognition. "But... Ral did as well? I can't really believe it."

"Like I said... some are better than others. He happens to be one of the not so good ones. The Control Brains recoded him as a caretaker; they're used to look after buildings, or to train smeets. We didn't really trust him around smeets, so we stuck him on the Massive and kept him busy with pointless tasks."

"Speaking of pointless tasks..."

"I approached Red today. As you know, he's locked himself in his room out of self-pity, and he said he would be returning very soon," Purple explained. "If you were around right now, he could be set off again. He really hates you."

Lard Nar sighed and rubbed his temples. "So you're just keeping me out of the way then?"

"Pretty much... and now I have a question for you..." Purple began standing up so he could leer down at the Vortian. "What happened to the snacks that used to be in those wrappers you used, huh?"

Lard Nar glanced away from the Tallest and took to looking at the wall instead.

"Well..."

"Did you destroy them?"

"Uh... not exactly."

Purple's antennae lowered, and he scowled. "You better explain then."

"They are salvageable."

"You left them on the floor didn't you?"

"Define the floor..."

ZZZZTTT!

Purple tucked the remote back into his outfit. "You have to re-wrap all of them."

Lard Nar couldn't move from the place he'd collapsed on the floor. He couldn't even open his mouth to speak. All of the electricity that had shot through his body left him very much paralyzed.

Author's Notes.. Again, Purple doesn't care how many of his followers end up dead. I'd like to point out Lard Nar has yet to kill a single Irken while Purple has probably ordered (or at least been witness to) the execution many aliens, so there is a bit of an off-balance there. Lard Nar is still pretty naive when it comes to war and life-and-death struggles.

The Blukal-berry is the alien equivalent to a blueberry.. only it doesn't really look much like a blueberry. I'd draw you a picture, but I'm too lazy.

Wasting snacks is a horrible crime in Irken society. Lard Nar is lucky he was only electrocuted.