This has possible character death. Lines that end with a / mean it's the end of a stanza. There are five stanzas. Yes, I wrote this poem. I am not sorry for the tears you shed if you shed any. Hope you enjoy.
The assignment was to write a poem for English class. Ichigo hadn't thought much about it, thinking of how to structure it. The teacher said not to worry about the rhyme scheme since there's such a thing as free verse poetry. Ichigo believed it would be easy. There was no rhyme or meter set for them either.
Ichigo sits at his desk, writing the poem right then and there. It's funny, he's able to spill his feelings into the poem better than he would ever be able to verbally or physically. The former shinigami wears a ghost of a smile once he finishes. He rereads it, changes up a bit of the lines and makes sure that he spelt the words correctly. He places it in the folder and lies down in his bed, staring up at the ceiling.
Memories play in his head, of the battles, of the deaths, of everything he went through and learned.
He never did get any answers from his father.
Too late now; he doesn't have a reason to know.
It's funny.
His entire life is a complete joke.
Kurosaki Ichigo was a Shinigami, or better known as a Shinigami Substitute (he could have been more seeing as his father is a full blown Shinigami).
Tap-tap-tapping.
Silence. It's been his new comfort.
The house is quiet. Where are his sisters? Where is his dad? No loud laughter, pans knocking against each other, or the sounds of pitter-patter of feet. Nothing. He's completely alone in the house.
Can he still call the house home?
"Sorry,"
Does he have the right to apologize? Surely not. He shouldn't even apologize for an observation.
No. He's not the one apologizing. They should be the ones to apologize. Ichigo didn't do anything wrong! He didn't do anything wrong! All this? He did it for them.
So, no, he shouldn't be the one to apologize. This is not him apologizing. It's them.
You say but where were you?
That's right. They've apologized constantly. They apologized with each excuse they made. They apologized for some insignificant reasons, but where have they been? Where are they? Why did they leave him? Surely, he can't be so useless now?
Surely, he isn't that easy to get rid of.
He thought wrong.
They are never there when he needs them, needed them. He always fought himself for what they needed. But, was that really their fault when he threw himself head on? Some of the times, it was his fault. Yet, the whole Aizen thing? It was not in his interests until they made it. Why couldn't Aizen have just directed his tantrum to the reapers and left Karakura out of it?
How many times do I have to cry blue?
When was the last time he cried? He can't remember.
Ichigo stares at the page, frowning at his writing.
He's cried recently, right? Breaking down in the shower?
He's screamed and punched things until his knuckles came away bloody.
No, he never once shed a tear during those moments. He's screamed and acted like a puppet with its strings cut, but not once did he shed a tear.
Everything has become dull. After a while, he can no longer feel the pain of his fists after the skin has broken along with a bone. He just keeps going. The one time his dad was here, he had to lose control over his emotions. He remembers the fear in his father's dark eyes when he stumbled into his room, blood all over his clothes from his own hands and messily wrapping them up without a blink.
Listen before I go,
Would anyone listen to him? Surely, after everything, they'd listen to at least one thing he has to say, right?
Can they even take him seriously?
Ichigo presses the heels of his palms against his eyes, feeling the familiar stinging sensation. His throat burns as his chest clenches. Why? Why is going to cry? Hasn't he cried enough?
Apparently not. So, how come his first response is to cry? He thought he left this reaction behind when his mother died.
Mother.
Rain. Hollow. Weight. Blood. Blood. Oh there was so much blood. His fault. Not his fault. His fault. No matter what anyone says. His fault.
discarded like trash after being praised a hero./
How? How is it that he worked so hard to become powerful enough to protect his family only to lose it all? He had worked so hard! Yet here he is. Sitting in his room and wallowing in his own sorrows and woes. Ichigo never wanted to be a hero. He didn't want the title. He wants to protect his sisters and his friends! That was all! He didn't want to fight Aizen—he had wanted to opt out of it but the bastard dragged him in when he went after those he cared about! Fucking Urahara Kisuke used him as well! He let him!
They left him once he had no use. That hurt. No. It's infuriating. A burning emotion settles into its new home in the core of his chest.
With a glare and a shout, he grabs the soul reaper badge and threw it across the room.
"Sorry,"
Ichigo mutters to himself, closing his eyes with annoyance. Breathing in to refocus himself, he stares down at the paper. Only on the second stanza and he knows he's not finished. He's failed enough times.
No way he's going to fail this.
He's failed enough as it is.
Ichigo doesn't want to fail this year. He can't afford that and now, he doesn't have an excuse for his low grades. He isn't a Shinigami anymore and he can't skip class to fight Hollows. He can't fight anyone but regular people who piss him off. Why couldn't he lose his memories along with his powers? Wouldn't it have made all this easier?
You say but what am I now?
The orange-haired male sighs, rubbing his forehead. He has to finish this.
Taking up the pencil, he sketches the words onto paper and brings the story to life. He knows that his teacher doesn't have a single clue about the significance of all the words. She will not understand the picture it paints, if he is lucky, she will see him taking a different approach on stories that never show what happens after the ending.
I was a hero but I don't know how—
Yes, how? How had he been a hero? How had someone like himself, a delinquent, become known as a hero in the eyes of others? What had they been thinking when they came up with such a ridiculous notion?
Kurosaki Ichigo isn't a hero. His goal was only to keep his friends and family safe.
He wasn't aiming to be a hero. But that's what happened. He sacrificed himself time and time again for them.
Died twice.
Or was it three?
Ichigo doesn't remember. Too many things blend together. Too many times did he stare down death and ignore it, opting to save his friends and family. Too many times wondering if he should allow himself the freedom.
Tell me why,
Yes. Why? Why was he hailed a hero? Why was he thrown aside afterwards? He had made so many more friends yet they left him behind. It's been half a year already. No one wishes to be around such a weak person—a shell of themselves.
Ichigo closes his eyes again and sighs. That was all he was good for, wasn't it?
Before my last goodbye./
Finishing the five stanza poem, he pushes away from the desk. Glancing at the clock, 7:45 p.m. shines brightly in its red glow. Should he say goodbye? He already has said goodbye. Why should he repeat himself?
There's no one to say goodbye to. They all left him.
He stretches, popping all of his stiff joints. He's going on a walk. There's no way he's going to keep himself cooped up in his room in such a desolate home.
Turning off the lights, he makes his way out of the house and locks the door.
Listen before I go,
The fading sun shines and paints the world with orange hues. The shadows grow and stretch across the ground. They sing and reach out towards him, pleading for him to go home. They sense tragedy.
Ichigo ignores the silent pleas. He's calm and wishes to enjoy the nice weather and time of day. The male doesn't want to ruin the good mood he's on.
Well, the story never gets told after the battle.
He worked hard. He tried to pretend that none of what happened happened. That he was never a Shinigami. He attempted to pretend and no matter how hard he tried, he could not let go. He would watch his friends run out of the classroom, watch as they would quiet down when the term Shinigami crossed their lips, and watch as they pulled away.
Who had he been to them but a weapon? A tool that had no use once rusted.
The young teen looks over to an old woman with a little kid. He's met many souls during his time in Soul Society. He rarely spoke to them but he remembers the ones that he did. There's a sweet, old woman in the 70th district of Rakungai that would always cook for him and Rukia. Someday he may see her again, although who knows whether he'd remember her in his death. He hopes he does. There are some ghosts who die and lose memories of who they are. Although, wouldn't it be better to not have any connections to the Shinigami?
What happens to the powerless hero?
In many stories, the after story of a hero is never told. The hero who sacrificed everything. They either die off or they aren't brought up until they regain their powers. It's sad. And when the story continues, it never talks about the days of in between moments.
Sometimes the reader doesn't even question these moments. They continue with the story and ignore what had happen. They never wonder about the pain and hardships of the hero after being tossed aside. They never think about if they met new people, kept to themselves, or brood and lamented about what they lost. Were the heroes only interesting when they have powers to save the day?
Was that the reason Ichigo didn't see anyone from the other world? Kisuke practically avoided him in every moment he could. He never went to the Shoten after Kisuke argued with him, picking at his insecurities so that he wouldn't return. He almost did. He almost went back and continued but he stopped and thought to himself.
Why did it matter? Why should he go to people who only ever used him?
He could either make new friends or worked on focusing on school.
Ichigo chose the latter.
He's content with the two that stuck to him. Tatsuki hangs out with the three every now and then, when Orihime ditches her to fight Hollows (which is most of the time now).
Dust settles, the sacrificed hero is on the gravel./
Yes, he sacrificed his powers for the battle. He was cared for during the moments he was unconscious.
And afterwards? He continued to help until his last fight. He continued and pushed himself to his limits until he couldn't fight anymore. His body had been wracked through with so much pain after that last Hollow, but it hadn't compared to the pain of losing his best friend, of watching his best friend fade from his sight.
That pain was similar to being shot through the chest by Ulquiorra. But he endured the pain, sent his best friend off with a goodbye, then tried to live a normal life.
A life he wished for until he realized that it wasn't right. Nothing felt right anymore.
Take me to the rooftop,
He doesn't have a destination in mind. He just wants to clear his head before he spirals into dark thoughts.
He's failed. He's been thinking darkly for a while now. Forcing the thoughts away, Ichigo takes a deep breath for the umpteenth time and decides to head for the river.
The rushing waters typically help calm the tsunami of thoughts that constantly want to pull him into an ocean of darkness.
This is also the best time to go. Sunsets in Kurakara Town is one of the best, especially when you go to the river.
Watch as the rain stops.
Ichigo smiles as he passes through a few spots where he remembers the times with his mother and sisters. Other places hold fond memories of his (old) friends.
The gentle, autumn breeze rolls through, running its fingers through his hair. He feels any worries he held melt away as he makes it to one of the best spots in town. Leaning against the railing, he watches the shadows move and twist, dancing with the rays of sun. A small stream of people bustle on their way, some stopping to admire the view while others return home.
The bridge rarely sees people, usually lonely with the odd one every now and then.
No, I was the hero of the story,
He had been a hero.
It's in the past now.
Ichigo knows that he cannot change what has happened and no matter how lonely he feels, he won't change anything.
I never did it for the glory.
He will give up his power no matter how many times it's asked of him. He just wishes that his friends never abandoned him. He was never aiming to be a hero. He only wanted to help his friends, keep them safe. Saving everyone else was just an added bonus.
It seems futile. He can't stop thinking. Hopefully, after this, he can focus on his life.
I guess it's my turn to say sorry./
Ichigo stares out at the sparkling water, smiling as he leans against the railing. Another gust of wind blows through the air, ruffling and caressing his orange locks like a gentle mother calming her child. Everything feels nice.
Since when has he been such a good liar?
Maybe, it's when he started pretending?
It would be so much better if he didn't feel the need to constantly drag himself down.
Sorry.
His eyes sting. That's right. He's sorry. He's become nothing but a burden—that's all he ever was to his friends. His poem. Three times. He apologized in the stanzas. Why did he apologize? Ichigo shouldn't have had to apologize! No. This is the first time he's apologized. The other two times, that wasn't him. Those were lies told by them.
He doesn't have to apologize anymore.
What's there to apologize?
There's no way out.
The male looks down at the water, his smile fading into a contemplative frown. No. He had to apologize. There is something. He's a burden now. But that isn't what he's apologizing for.
If he's going to keep crying like this, then maybe he should figure out a reason why he should apologize. There isn't one, so why is he constantly crying?
Maybe, he can allow himself to cry one last time before pushing everything behind him. Honestly, he's humiliating himself acting like this. No reason to be sorry.
Glancing up at the sky, he sighs.
I was thrown away,
He had been thrown away and no one had cared. Two-thirds of his soul had been ripped away from him via sacrifice. He had done everything in his power—gave it up—to make sure everyone in his life had been protected. Now, he's nothing but a memory. They'll remember him as someone powerful and heroic. Not an empty shell.
will be remembered as the hero of the story.
He gasps as he feels pain flare in his side. What? Glancing behind him, he can't see anything. Something covers his vision and he's breathing harshly.
Pressure.
He's forced over the railing, thrown into the soft, cold waves of the river.
Maybe, it's time to go down.
Somehow, he's flipped over in mid air and he stares up at the sky. A faint outline of the culprit is shadowed by the fading sun. Who is that? Why? Why did they do this?
SPLASH!
Everything goes black.
This is the after story of the hero gone one day./
This might be weirdly written and all over the place, but it's to resemble Ichigo's mental state. He's all over with his emotions, unsure how to deal with any of it. This is an ambiguous/open ending unless you all want another chapter.