Chapter 3: Car Chases, Poop Throwing & Dead Ends
(Warning: this might get a little vulgar)
Squit and the others kept driving on the same road, Brain was sleeping, Yakko was still traumatized by the incident and Wakko was drinking whiskey.
Pinky: Still can't believe this woman did a mad ting on us!
Wakko: Yeah. like no shit!
Suddenly, the same SUV that the insane woman was driving was standing on the road as Squit pulled over. Yakko gasped as he was about to panic again.
Wakko: Shit! It's her again!
Pinky: Just go past and ignore her, Squit!
Squit continued driving past the SUV.
Pinky: See, that wasn't so bad!
Squit: Well at least… (he looked in the mirror of the van as the woman in the SUV began to chase them again) SHIT, SHE'S CHASING US AGAIN!
Yakko began to panic and cry again.
Pinky: Just go faster, she might not get us so quickly!
Squit began to drive faster as he never drove fast before.
Wakko: Wow! This crazy bitch just won't catch a breath!
The woman in the SUV was coming towards them as she's now honking. Squit and Yakko were panicking for their lives.
Brain: Squit, she's really freaking me out now! Please go faster, please!
The SUV hit the van as Yakko was hit by the nose towards the windshield.
Yakko: UGH! My fucking nose! I'm bleeding! (then suddenly cries)
Pinky: Just keep stepping on it!
Squit stepped on the pedal as hard as he could, the SUV was now far away from them. Yakko opened the first-aid kit to get a band-aid but was struggling to open the package.
Yakko: I can't get it open!
Wakko: (snatches the packet of band-aids from Yakko's hand) You don't need a band-aid. Put your head forward.
Yakko: Give it back!
Wakko: No, you're not! (pulls out a packet of ear plug, gets 2 out and hands them to Yakko) Here, use these. Now put these in your nose.
Yakko: But how am I supposed to breathe?!
Wakko: Just breathe through your mouth! C'mon, get it together!
Yakko stuffs the ear plugs in his nose. The woman in the SUV was near them again as she hit the van the second time.
Wakko: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US!?
Squit: Holy shit! We gotta do something! I can't keep driving like this!
Yakko: Well, we can't let her get us! We'll be ripped into shreds!
Wakko: Woah, Yak! Now you're talking crazy.
Brain: We're still below 120! Why aren't we going 120?!
Squit: Because this van is not fast enough to go 120mph!
Yakko: (cries) Well, we have to keep going! I don't know how much I could take back there!
Wakko: (sees the white bit on the emergency fuel calculator) Shit! We're almost out of gas.
Brain: Seriously?!
Wakko: (suddenly picks up a random urn off from the floor) Oh my God! What is this?!
Pinky: It's an urn, dumbass! You put people's ashes in it after they die.
Brain: Ashes? Uhhh...Squit? Who died in there?
Squit (gulps) It...It's my dad.
Pinky: WHAT?!
Brain: Wait, why is it in your girlfriend's car then?!
Wakko: Dude, that's fucking disgusting! He should be in the funeral somewhere, not in the van!
Yakko: Because he hasn't been buried yet! PUT IT AWAY!
Wakko: Here, you take it then.
Yakko: I DON'T WANT IT!
Pinky: Guys, I've got an amazing idea! We need to throw all of this stuff that we don't need towards this crazy bitch. (gets out the spare tire as he was about to throw it)
Wakko: No! Don't throw that, we might need it!
Squit turns around aggressively as Pinky falls over.
Wakko: Shit, Pinky! You aight?
Yakko: Watch the road!
Squit: I can't, there's no freaking button!
Pinky: Oh, fuck this! (opens the car door)
Brain: Pinky, be careful!
Pinky: Don't worry, I've done this with cars before. Hold on to me just in case and don't let go!
Brain: Fine. (hold on to Pinky by the tail)
Pinky: Wait, I got it! Quick, hand me something else!
Wakko: Quick, hand him something else!
Squit hands out his old tennis racket and gives it to Pinky. Pinky throws the tennis racket towards the SUV and cracks the windshield.
Pinky: Yes! Fucking bullsye!
Wakko: Hey, you don't mind if I do it?
Pinky: Yeah, sure. Go ahead. I've got something better to do anyway.
Wakko: Thanks. (swaps places Pinky and pulls out his mallet to throw it towards the SUV)
Squit: Guys, I don't think it's a good idea. Maybe, I should turn back.
Brain: HELL NO! What, do you want her to make us piss in our clothes again?! Ugh!
Squit: What do you need me to do?!
Yakko: Well, keep driving!
Squit: Then we need to go left!
Wakko: (as he pulls out his empty bottle of vodka and throws it onto the SUV, but he is about to fall out of the van as Brain grabs him by the tail and pulls him back) Holy shit!
Brain: Yeah, could you be more careful?!
Yakko: (holds his nose) Ugh! What's that stench?
Brain: EWWW! What the fuck?! It smells like a dying gorilla took a dump on the burning tire! (then sees Pinky holding a plastic bag near to his ass whilst bending down grunting) PINKY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! (looks closely as what was in that plastic bag was literal feces) No, don't tell me you… (gasps) Oh my fucking God, he took a crap in here!
Pinky: (as he stood up and threw the plastic bag full of poop onto the windshield) HAH! Suck it!
Squit: Wait, what did you just throw?
Brain: FECES, PINKY HAD!
Squit: Wait, so you shat in my girlfriend's van?
Suddenly, the SUV stopped in the middle of the road as the window cleaners tried to scrape poop off the windshield.
Yakko: Flipping heck, Pinky! The fuck did you just eat?
Pinky: Not much. I just ate 2 chicken & bacon burritos and a chilli dog with extra cheese, even though I'm lactose intolerant. I couldn't hold it much longer so maybe that's why.
Squit: So you threw it onto the bitch's car? Oh, that's hilarious! (laughs)
Yakko: Y'know what, good move! Not gonna lie! (laughs)
Wakko: (laughs hysterically) That's fucking unreal!
Pinky: Well, it's worth it. Isn't it? (shuts the car door)
Brain: For God sakes, Pinky! This is the most vulgar thing you could ever be doing right now! (then gags) Open the fucking window, I'm about to throw up over here!
Yakko: Damn, that was foul.
Pinky: Well, it worked. Didn't it? (laughs)
Brain: Pinky, you dolt! This isn't funny anymore, I am this close to getting sick! (gags violently) Oh my fucking God, there goes the popcorn that I ate earlier as it's coming back up! (gags again and coughs) And the nachos too!
Yakko: Okay, yeah uhhh...can you wipe your hands with something? It kinda smells in here.
Wakko: Here, borrow my sanitizer. I often use this just in case I needed to wash my hands.
Brain: And why? Are you dealing with a habit of snapping off weed in your hand?
Wakko: What? Oh, shut up.
Pinky squirts some sanitizer on his hands and uses his towel to wipe.
Pinky: Sorry. Do you want it back, man?
Wakko: Nah, you can keep it. I already got loads.
Pinky: Gee, thanks. Okay, what we need to do is just look at the map and find out where we're at.
Wakko: Yeah, don't start talking until you wipe up over there.
Pinky sighed with frustration as he kept wiping his hands. When he finished, he threw the towel to where Brain was sitting which made him vomit-sneeze.
Brain: Wouldn't you mind pulling over?!
Squit: (turns around to see Brain with vomit in his hands) UGH! God, I thought it was a sneeze! (turns back around to see branches on the road which made him scream and pull over as it caused Brain's vomit to splash all over him)
Yakko: Goddamn, Squit! Can you even go through it?
Squit: No!
Pinky: Well, we gotta move it.
Squit: What, now?!
Pinky: Yeah, now! C'mon! (as he got out of the van) Hurry!
Squit and Yakko also get out of the van to move the branches out of the road while Wakko comforts Brain.
Wakko: You okay, man?
Brain: Yes. I just can't stand septic odors.
Wakko: Ugh. Dude, it's all over your shirt, take that off.
Brain: Fine. I'm a grown-ass man, you know? (as he takes off his t-shirt and gives it to Wakko)
Wakko: (sniffs his shirt) Phew, that's really hot!
Brain: Ewww, don't examine it. I'll throw up more.
Wakko: Okay, here's my spare shirt.
Brain: Thanks. (Wakko threw Brain's old shirt out into the woods) Wait, what the hell are you doing?!
Wakko: Dude, you can just throw that away. It's got pee and vomit all over it.
Brain: Well...seems fair enough.
Wakko: You can keep mine.
Brain: Thanks, Wak.
Squit, Yakko and Pinky were still moving the branches.
Squit: It's not moving!
Pinky: Then, push harder!
Wakko: Hey guys!
Yakko: What?
Wakko: There's a really small space, I think we could get through over here. (points at the small road)
Pinky: Wak, you're a genius!
Suddenly, the flashing light appeared from the distance as it came from the SUV.
Pinky: Awww, shit!
Squit: Quick, everyone back in the car!
They all went back in the van as Squit started the van, stood on the pedal, turned around and drove to the smaller road where Wakko was pointing at.
Yakko: C'mon, Squit. Can you get us home or not?!
Squit: I don't know where I'm going!
Brain: Well, what are we supposed to do with this then? (as he's holding an urn full of Squit's dad's ashes)
Suddenly, the woman in the SUV was near them once again as she hit the van the third time. That caused the van to go off the road as the others were screaming, that also caused Brain to drop the urn as the ashes were spilt everywhere.
Yakko: (stops screaming) Ow! My neck! I think I pulled a muscle.
Squit: Wait! (coughs up his dad's ashes) Was that my dad?
Brain: (sees the ashes all over to floor) Oh, shit! Squit, I'm really sorry!
The woman in the SUV was coming after them as Squit kept driving.
Pinky: The fuck is wrong with that basic bitch?!
Squit: Hide your heads, now!
Wakko: But, what if…
Squit: I SAID NOW!
Brain: I don't know how much more I could take from this, sooner or later, I think I'm gonna be sick again!
Squit: Keep your heads down!
Pinky: Aight, I hear ya!
Squit: Fuck, I can't see anything! It's too bright all of a sudden! I think I'm gonna cry again!
Yakko: What, you're gonna cry again?! Don't start crying, you can't cry right now!
Squit: SHUT UP!
Wakko: Man, I can't see jack!
Squit: (as he saw another road on the right) HOLD ON! (he suddenly turns right)
Yakko: Keep going!
Squit: I'm trying!
Pinky: Uhhh...Squit, what's wrong with your van?
Squit: What? (sees the red bit on the emergency fuel calculator as it's beeping, Squit and the others began to panic) No! No, no, no, no, no! It's not happening! IT'S NOT HAPPENING!
Wakko: Wait! I think I could see another road.
Squit: Holy shit, you're right! I think this is the way out.
Pinky: Yes! Finally!
Squit: Don't worry, guys! We're gonna make it! We're gonna make it! (as he drove closer but suddenly saw another dead end with a sign saying "Road Closed" which blocked the exit to the bigger road, Squit then pulled over and frowned) No, we haven't. What the hell?! Noooooo!
Yakko: You gotta be fucking kidding me!
Squit: Nooooooooooo! (bashes the wheel with anger and stress) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Pinky: OH, FUCK!
Wakko: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US!?
The SUV drove right in front of the van as the others were screaming for their lives. The woman got out of the SUV with a shotgun as they were screaming loudly which caused Yakko to have a mental breakdown.
Pinky: Run that whore over, Squit!
Squit: WHAT?!
Pinky: RUN HER OVER!
Squit stood on the pedal and ran over that crazy woman as fast as he could, he suddenly was in shock.
Yakko: Oh, shit. Is she dead?
Wakko: (as he opened the car door to see the woman's dead body on the road) Oh, fuck! (shuts the door) Well, that's just great then! Sooner or later, the cops are gonna come by, see the dead body and think that we're massive serial killers!
Yakko: BUT WE ARE!
Squit: Awww, shit! There's literally no way explaining this anymore! My wife is going to kill me, I damaged her van and I spilled dad. Not to mention I just ran someone over! (Starts the car again)
Brain: Wait, what are you doing?
Squit: Gotta make sure she's dead! (as he was about to floor the pedal to drive the van but it won't move) What the hell?! (he floored the pedal again but the van still won't move)
Yakko: Oh, c'mon! JUST GIVE US A BREAK!
Squit: No! No! NO! C'mon, start! (he kept flooring the pedal again but the van still won't move)
Brain: Squit, forget about running this bitch over again! Just get this van started and let's go!
Squit: IT WON'T! IT'S NOT MOVING!
Pinky: Y'know what! Fuck it! Let's go and take hers!
Brain: Are you fucking insane?!
Pinky: We don't have a choice! We take her vehicle and get as far away from here as we can because we're obviously not getting home in this!
Yakko: But what if that woman wakes up again?
Pinky: Yak, we already hit her with a fucking van, of course she's not getting up!
Yakko: (watching Squit still flooring the pedal) Squit! SQUIT, IT'S DEAD!
Squit: (stops flooring the pedal) Oh, for fuck's sake!
Pinky: C'mon! (as he got out of the van) Let's go! C'mon, we can do this!
Pinky, Brain, Yakko and Wakko got out of the van.
Yakko: I just wanna get out of here!
Wakko: Squit, c'mon!
Squit: What about my girlfriend's van?
Wakko: Just leave it, it's okay!
Squit finally got out of the van. The gang were all walking towards the SUV.
Pinky: (as he saw her body missing and the SUV headlights had been turned off) Uhhh...guys, they went out! (gets) FUCK! THE HEADLIGHTS JUST WENT OUT AND HER BODY'S MISSING! RUN!
Squit: WHAT?!
Wakko: Wait! I've got an idea. Guys, come back here! I need you all to help me move this van backward (Pinky, Yakko and Brain joined in the help Wakko move this van from where the SUV is) Squit, steer!
Squit: Aight, I guess. (as he kept steering the wheel until the van moved back from where the SUV is)
Wakko: Aight, stop! (Squit stopped steering and the others stopped pushing the van back)
They all got back in the van for safety.
Brain: She's gone. She knows where we're at.
They all had a short silence. Suddenly, the woman in the SUV ran past them as she wasn't looking.
Brain: Thank God! She didn't see us.
Yakko: Jesus, Pinky! You nearly got us killed!
Pinky: Well, if we hadn't taken like 10 minutes to talk about this situation and just do what I said then yes, we would have been on our way home by now!
Yakko: We do need to take turns watching the road if someone driving a random car comes, so we could ask for help.
Brain: Hell no! What if it's that woman again?
Wakko: Well, there's a pretty good chance that there's nothing to be afraid of. We just have to keep calm and be cool.
Squit: Well, too bad my dad is spilt everywhere.
Pinky: Don't worry, man. I'll sort it out, no biggie.
They all sat in the van distress as Pinky was picking up the ashes from the floor and put it back in the urn. Will the trouble come back?
TO BE CONTINUED…
Chapter 4 coming soon.