We started this parody when we were halfway through the second story in the Pokedex Adventures series. Several fanfics and several years later, we finally put an ending on it just last summer. Now, we're posting it as a Christmas gift to our fans and other Ferriswheelshippers.
This is not meant to be a part of the Pokedex Adventures series, but it does use the characterization and Pokémon names that we used. Anything you read past this point is purely for comedy purposes. Even the plot holes.
CAST:
Snow White - N (and sometimes Zoroark)
Prince Charming - Hilda (and sometimes Hilbert)
Evil queen - Ghetsis (with help from Hydreigon, Zinzolin and the Shadow Triad)
Mirror - Colress
Dwarves - Random Pokémon (and Zekrom, of course)
Once upon a time, a boy lived in peace and harmony in a faraway castle. He was a very special child, though he looked as human as any other boy: pale skin, green hair, and blue-gray eyes. What made this boy so special was that he could communicate with the mysterious, superpowered animals known as Pokémon. This boy, known only as N, grew into a good-hearted, beautiful young man, with the potential for great power.
His stepfather, the wicked King Ghetsis, was a powerful man himself, and also very selfish. So selfish, in fact, he once bought a magic mirror from a witch just so he could hear of his perfection from a mouth other than his own. This mirror held a man trapped inside it, his punishment for crimes he'd committed in the name of science, as well as his inability to keep his commentary to himself. The mirror, however, was a source of infinite knowledge for the trapped soul.
Ghetsis knew of this last part, and placed the mirror on a wall in a hidden passage to the king's bedroom. Every day he would ask, "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the greatest human of all?"
The man in the mirror would roll his eyes but reply, "My king, you are the greatest free man in this room." Which technically wasn't a lie.
And the stupid king was pleased.
One day, however, the imprisoned man decided that he had had enough.
The king was having a very good day. He'd yelled at five different palace servants. He'd locked his faithful ninja trio out of the castle again. He'd yelled at them when they broke back in. He passed a few Royal Decrees, taunted his stepson a bit, and yelled some more. All in all, it was a wonderful time.
But things changed that night, when he entered the passage and spoke to his captive. "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the greatest human of all?"
"Well, certainly not you," the man in the mirror replied, getting a cold stare from the king. "There are many others who are equally great, perhaps even more so -"
"Really?" Ghetsis's voice was too calm, and the trapped scientist should have seen the rest coming. "Like who? Or is it whom?" The king paused, momentarily confused by the laws of grammar, before deciding that as the perfect human being, such trivial matters were beneath him. "I want names, mirror."
And the man set off an entire chain of reactions by simply stating: "Your stepson, for a start."
"I see." The king reached for a small ball, in which he kept his most faithful pet. Releasing the beast, he gave it a simple command: "Hydreigon, eat my mirror. And then you can move on to the boy."
N was only vaguely aware of someone shaking him awake, but a sudden blast of energy certainly woke him up for real. It wasn't surprising to see the king's three-headed dragon out and causing chaos, but it was certainly unusual to find it Focus Blasting down his bedroom door. It was only the quick thinking of his childhood best friend, an illusion fox known as a Zoroark, that saved the prince from a horrible fate as dragon chow, and suddenly the two found themselves falling to the soft ground of the castle.
Zoroark landed on his feet, almost like a cat. N...well, he managed to catch himself in a way that would mean no bones or internal organs had broken, but that was really all that could be said for his pathetic human clumsiness.
"All right," Zoroark said, his eyes seeming to glow in the darkness. "That happened. What do we do now?"
"Perhaps my father could talk some sense into his Hydreigon?" N knew it was a useless suggestion - Hydreigon had said something about being under orders to kill.
Zoroark seemed to recall that part too clearly. "N, I don't think you've noticed, but he sent his Hydreigon to kill you," he pointed out. "I don't think he'll be ready to call it off if he notices you got away."
N turned toward the forest surrounding the castle. "Then we run," he decided. "Run until it's safe to come back."
"And when will that be?"
"I'm not sure. Maybe never."
"Are you sure you want to give up the life of a prince?"
"It would be better than being dead, wouldn't it?"
A loud crash confirmed that Hydreigon hadn't yet stopped his rampage, and that set their decision in stone. Without another word, the prince and the Pokémon raced off into the forest, where Ghetsis suspected they would never be seen again.
After they had run for a while, they found a happy young Mienfoo living near a tall tower. She said that they would be welcome into the tower, if only they could find the door. She sounded a bit smug, as though she was issuing a challenge...a challenge that Zoroark immediately accepted. Said tower had no door, but that wasn't something you could tell Zoroark. The prince was ready to give up and just live in the forest like a hobo, but the fox was clever.
Zoroark had mastered a move known as Focus Blast, and used it on the wall of the tower. Much to the surprise of both N and the Mienfoo, the attack left a gaping hole just large enough for the two to pass through.
"Found the door," Zoroark stated, throwing a proud look over his shoulder at the stunned Fighting-type.
Mienfoo just stood there, mouth open, staring in disbelief at the tower that her family had guarded for centuries...or, rather, what was left of it. "That's not a door," she tried protesting, but her voice was far too quiet to put up any sort of argument.
"It'll work like one, though," Zoroark stated, and jumped through the hole, N right behind him.
Inside the castle, they found seven Goletts circling around what appeared to be a black orb the size of N's head. They were wary, at first, but after hearing the story, they offered the pair their protection.
"And what's that?" N asked, trying to get a good look at the stone.
"No human must touch it," the biggest Golett instructed. "If he or she is not destined for it, the consequences will be deadly."
"But it's shiny," N protested, and the seven ghosts merely pushed him along a hallway, where he and Zoroark were instructed to stay while the Golett leader asked its friends outside to bring their guests some food.
N and Zoroark had been living with the Golett squad for a few weeks, and it seemed to Ghetsis that they had perished in the woods. Since Hydreigon had not successfully eaten the mirror, he decided to try once again.
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the greatest human of all?"
"Oh, not this again!" the man protested, ignoring the king's death glare. "Your greatness has slipped, my king. One cannot become greater by killing another. And, seeing as N still lives, he still has far more potential for power than you ever did. Then there are all the thieves and politicians who are greater than you because you're just that bad."
Ghetsis had had enough. One way or another, he decided, the boy must die. But how could he do it? Obviously, Hydreigon couldn't be trusted, as he'd failed once before. And blood was so hard to get out of royal robes, he couldn't do it by weapon. Perhaps a paid assassin?
He nearly hit himself in the forehead at the realization. Of course he could use assassins. He had three who were willing to follow his every order. And best of all, they worked for free!
Soon enough, the ninja trio were kneeling at his feet, taking their orders. One way or another, they were to find N and kill him.
"Why do you want him dead, sir?" one of them dared to ask.
Ghetsis thought it over, then shook his head. His mirror was his toy. He would not allow them to play with it. They would likely break it.
"That is my business," he stated, and the ninja quickly apologized. "Your business is to do as I command, and not ask questions. Am I clear?"
The trio departed immediately.
It took them only a few days to find the tower where N had been staying, which they only noticed by the familiar Zoroark running around outside. Taking to the shadows, they dashed through the improvised door and began the search.
The three had a small bag with them, in which rested a single purple hat with a ridiculous pink feather. It was unknown whether the hat was made for a man or a woman - Ghetsis had found it somewhere and handed it off to them with little explanation. But that was not what the trio really cared about.
They found N with very little effort, up in the tower. True to his word, he had not touched the black stone...but there was still something there that drew him to it. He would likely have protected it, had he seen the ninja trio coming.
"What are you doing here, my prince?"
N leapt to his feet, immediately on guard. He knew his stepfather's servants well, and he knew that if it was necessary, he could easily talk them out of...whatever they were doing.
What were they doing, anyway? The Shadow Triad never went anywhere without Ghetsis. They never let him go anywhere without them. And yet, here they were. Alone.
"What has Ghetsis ordered this time?" N questioned, and the most mature member of the Shadow Triad reached into the bag. When he removed the hat, the prince's face went from anger to confusion.
"Your father told us to bring you a make-up gift," the man explained. "He admits he lost his temper that day, and wants you to come back home."
N glanced at the black stone once again, then back at the hat. If it could really be called a hat. "Do I have to wear the hat?"
"Yes," said the ninja, surprisingly serious. "You have to wear the hat."
And he placed it on N's head, unaware of the consequences.
You see, the king had found the hat at a shop run by a witch, and had asked the witch to put a curse on it. The witch, while fully capable of killing the boy, instead cast a spell to put him to sleep. She'd figured that Ghetsis would find something to do with him.
But when the magic took effect, and N collapsed right there on the ground, something happened. As though it was coming to N's rescue, the black stone trembled on its pedestal, drawing the attention of all who were conscious. Behind their masks, three mouths fell open in unison as the rock transformed into a giant dragon, as black as the stone had been but with glowing red eyes.
"Be gone, foul beings," the dragon snarled, knocking the hat off N's head with a light movement of its gigantic tail. "Do not approach this human again."
And it put the hat on the youngest ninja's head, causing the transfer of the sleeping spell. The other two lifted their brother over their shoulders, and fled the tower, intent on telling the king about the monster standing guard. Understanding that the Golett would be upset if the dragon were not in stone form, it quickly returned to its original state, just as the prince opened his eyes.
And, for a while, N had no idea he had a dragon protector.
Upon hearing that the curse had taken effect, Ghetsis was pleased. Sure, he'd lost one of his followers. That hardly mattered to him, he'd only kept the ninjas around because they were good at what they did. With a new spring in his step, he approached his mirror in anticipation.
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the greatest human of all?"
"Still not you," the man in the mirror taunted. "N still lives, and then there's the prince and princess of another kingdom...the princess has an undefeated Serperior, you know," he added, getting a bit too lost in thought as he wondered how she had managed to bring out that kind of potential in her Pokémon.
Ghetsis paid no attention to the information about the other young royals, nor the challenge presented by an undefeated Serperior. N still lives...that was unfortunate.
"That's it," Ghetsis growled. "The Shadow Triad have failed at their mission, so I must turn to another. Mirror, give me the name of a sorcerer more powerful than the previous witch. Search other kingdoms if you have to."
"I have a name, you know," the man grumbled, but searched his magical database anyway. Finally, he turned back to the king, the answer to his question at the ready. "There is a man of great magical power, living in a cold city in the west. Find him, and perhaps you will get your wish."
Sorcerer Zinzolin hated the cold. He hated the cold, he hated his neighbors, and he hated how the entire town smelled like fish.
So why did he live here? In all honesty, it wasn't his choice. He'd been exiled from a far-off kingdom, for attempting to use King Rood's adoptive granddaughters as sacrifices for a spell. Was it his fault that the ritual for the infinite protection spell required the blood of two beautiful women? Of course not. Was it his fault that the girls were easily manipulated with the promise of candy, caffeine and internet access? No. So, if Anthea and Concordia would have done what was best for their people, and had a 68% chance of survival, and would be given something in return, what was the problem?
But, apparently, Anthea wasn't allowed to have caffeine, and Concordia had been grounded from Tumblr for a month after a particularly interesting incident in which she brought a vicious Tyranitar into the palace. Who knew?
He found a green-haired man by the river just outside of town, where his Sneasel liked to go and catch Basculin for dinner. The man was waiting for him, apparently.
"You are the wizard Zinzolin?" he asked.
"What does it matter? I am in exile. Apparently, casting a spell that risked lives when there were weaker options that didn't require blood is frowned upon in most societies."
"Perhaps I should have introduced myself first," Ghetsis admitted. "I am King Ghetsis. Unlike your previous employer, I have no restrictions on what is an acceptable method of magic. In fact, I require an executioner for my traitor of a stepson."
"Your stepson? Are you sure you're willing to sacrifice family like that, even if they aren't blood-related?"
"I sacrificed my own mother years ago."
Zinzolin blinked. "For the good of your kingdom, right?"
"Who cares about the kingdom? I just wanted her gone! Repulsive woman," he added with a snarl, forgetting that he wasn't alone. Catching sight of Zinzolin once again, he returned to his previous request. "But I do not require the death of anyone besides the traitor. You will be free to take any possession of the boy's that you want, if he has anything with him. What do you say?"
Zinzolin sighed. He could sense that there wasn't really a choice. "I say that you had better find a place for me with lots of penguins."
"Um...do you need the life force of penguins to use your magic?"
"No, I just think it's funny to watch them walk."
When Zinzolin found the tower, N and Zoroark were playing fetch with a stick they had found on the ground. It was unlike any game of fetch Zinzolin had ever seen: instead of N tossing the stick and Zoroark catching it in his mouth, it was more like a game of dodgeball - N threw the stick, Zoroark had to duck and go searching for it. Then he threw it back, while N had to avoid it and search.
Strange game.
Zinzolin drew his wand, an old, worn-out magical twig that he'd carved and designed himself, back when he'd first mastered magic. That was how things were done back then, before wandmakers were a thing. It hadn't yet failed him, and he took careful aim...
"Are you the one Ghetsis sent in our place?"
Zinzolin whirled around, the spell going haywire and striking the second of the Shadow Triad. The ninja froze where he stood, an ice sculpture of the man he once was.
"See what you made me do?" Zinzolin hissed, pushing the ice statue at the one remaining ninja. "Go, take him. I need to do this."
"Suit yourself," the man stated. "I have a fire prepared to thaw him out."
And he tried to take to the shadows once more...a difficult feat when one is dragging his frozen brother along. But, he made it, and N was none the wiser.
Zinzolin aimed again, and this time, he hit his intended target. N froze where he stood, the crystallized prison adapting to his form and leaving him stuck and cold. Sure that the king would take this as a success, Zinzolin left, unaware that the great black dragon was emerging from its stone once again. Not caring that the Golett would see, it broke free from the tower to assist the human.
"I can't leave you alone for ten seconds, can I?" it sighed, and began to melt the prince's icicle with Dragonbreath.
Once N had properly thawed, the beast quickly saw the confusion in his eyes...but instead of turning to fear, like all the other humans had, this strange young man settled for 'fascination.'
"I've never seen a Pokémon quite like you before," he said, staring up at the dragon in wonder. "What shall I call you?"
Having observed the boy and his strange gift in its stone form, the dragon settled to answer the questions. "I have gone by many names," it admitted. "The beast of ideals, the Red-Eyes Black Dragon...there was even one who called me Tim. By all technicalities, however, I am simply known as Zekrom."
The Red-Eyes Black Dragon. N recalled a story his Darmanitan friend had told him, a tale of a dragon duo that came from a single creature, a battle that decimated an entire region. Zekrom was the black half, but where was the other?
When N asked, however, Zekrom just shrugged its massive shoulders. "I haven't seen my siblings for quite some time," it explained. "I have a feeling Reshiram's somewhere close, though...probably pretending to be some kind of forest god again, convincing townspeople to bring her bacon." Zekrom shook his head, as though confused but unconcerned by his sibling's behavior, and looked back at the tower. "Anyway, the Golett will probably be furious. Let's go and apologize."
Ghetsis was furious.
He had already thrown his mirror out a window, this time for giving a list of twenty people, by name, greater than King Ghetsis, calling him a crazy old man, and suggesting he just give up and accept his current position. This failed to kill the trapped scientist, however, and the man had finally been freed from his glass prison. He had run away before Ghetsis could catch him and end his life, but no matter. He would be easy to find, after N had successfully been destroyed. After all, how many scientists were there with a blue hair whooshie circling an otherwise blond head?
What he was most angry about, of course, was that despite his best efforts, N was still alive. It was like trying to drown a Magikarp - as useless as the creature was, it just refused to die.
But he hadn't tried everything yet.
Deep within the palace dungeons, the one-eyed king was hard at work making something terrible. He had little magic power, but he did not need to be a wizard to brew this particular potion, found deep in a book on black magic he had stolen from N's bedroom. What the prince was doing studying black magic when he refused to hurt another living creature, Ghetsis neither knew nor cared. The Drought of Living Death was good enough for what needed to be done.
Only the kiss of true love could break the spell of the powerful potion, but Ghetsis was not concerned. N had shown no signs of preference in anything, not as far as Ghetsis could tell, and it would be easy to keep him out of the way of pretty girls with mental instabilities for a while.
So, even though N would not necessarily die, he would very likely sleep forever.
With that in mind, Ghetsis dropped three red apples into the pot of potion, several identical fruits sitting in a basket that Hydreigon eyed hungrily. Ghetsis gave him a clean one, which he happily devoured, and set to work on his disguise.
His royal robes were switched to a poor peasant costume. His long green hair was tucked under a wide hat, and his favorite ruby monocle was replaced by a plain black eye patch. A few patches of dirt on his clean face would easily be enough to fool the simple creature. It very nearly fooled Hydreigon, and the beast had watched the entire transformation happen before his very eyes.
"You will have to stay at the palace, Hydreigon," he stated, to the dragon's objection. "You will give me away. I require a ninja to lead me to the hidden tower I've heard so much about."
And so, the last remaining ninja came out of hiding, leading his master to the tower.
N could tell something was off about the old man, but the poor fool didn't know exactly what. The man had come to his tower telling a story about his sick wife wanting him to sell her apples in her place, but he had no wedding ring. When N questioned this, however, the man said something about being poor and having nothing but each other and an apple tree and why doesn't N just take one and shut up.
So he did, carefully holding it in his hands as he stared at the man, trying to place him.
"Why don't you eat it?" the man suggested. "It's yummy."
So N took a bite of apple, just to be polite, only to drop the fruit in his hands a second later as Zoroark jumped out of a tree, startling him, before grinning wickedly and running off, back into the tower.
"Was that your pet?" the man asked, and N shook his head.
"He's my best friend. Annoying, but I can live with him."
Ghetsis was annoyed that N had taken the wrong apple, so he plucked another from the basket and discreetly sniffed it. It smelled like death and ashes. Perfect. "You've dropped your apple," he observed, and N looked down. So he had. "Why don't you take another?"
"But I didn't pay for -"
But Ghetsis had thrust the apple into his son's mouth before N could finish his protest, as if the prince had been a roast Tepig, and smiled evilly as the desired effect was activated. No sooner had the juices touched the boy's tongue than he was out, this time for good. Ghetsis restrained himself before he could cackle maniacally and give away his crime, and settled for singing a dark song under his breath.
"Don't forget it...you'll regret it...PETA knows best!"
An apple suddenly flew out of nowhere and hit him in the head, and he caught a flash of white in the distance. But watching for a little while longer, he quickly decided that it would be best of he kept his mouth shut until he reached the castle.
Perhaps he could turn his attention on finding that scientist...
Days passed. Zoroark and Zekrom had managed to remove the foul fruit from N's mouth, but nothing the great black dragon did could wake him this time. No attack, no magic transference...not even asking a passerby Pokémon to use Wake Up Slap would work. And yet, both of them could feel the life force of their human friend still burning strong, so they got a coffin in the nearby town and kept N in it, like a vampire.
"It's what he would have wanted," Zoroark explained to the concerned and rather curious Mienfoo.
But on the third week, even Zoroark began to lose hope.
"You know about old magic," he said to Zekrom one day, while the seven Goletts stood guard over their tower. "How do you break sleeping spells?"
"There are a few ways, depending on the spell," was the reply. "The Dead Man's Slumber wears off on its own, usually after around 200 years. Reshiram's pretty familiar with Eternal Rest, which can only be broken by transfer...I believe that is what was put on the first hat. And the Drought of Living Death has the ever-popular remedy, true love's kiss."
Zoroark looked up at his dragon friend, his chin on his paws. "In short, our pal is doomed."
"Pretty much."
Zoroark's mind flashed back to the palace. N had been studying black magic from a book, and had been reading it furiously, like some thrilling new horror novel he couldn't put down, occasionally deeming a spell as 'disturbing' or 'inhumane' but never seeming to put it away. Could that be where Ghetsis had gotten it?
For there was no doubt in anyone's mind who the old man had been, and the only thing keeping Zekrom from finding and destroying him was that N might worry if he woke up.
But he didn't wake, and certainly didn't worry. And the fox and the dragon carried on, the seven Goletts continuing to guard the tower.
In the sixth week of N's enchanted sleep, something happened.
A long green body darted through the grass, red-brown eyes locked upon the target. He would never see her coming, which would easily mark the sixteenth win in a row for the green creature.
Perhaps she needs a new hobby, the girl thought, watching her Serperior take careful aim at the Samurott sitting in the grass. The snake enjoyed assisting in the royal kitchen as much as the princess herself, maybe they could learn to really cook together.
Or, maybe Serperior was perfectly happy doing what she did best - being mean to the Samurott.
"Leave him alone, Erika," the princess called, and the Samurott's head turned at the same time the Serperior's head lifted from the ground. "Remember, you're supposed to be having fun without causing pain and torment."
"But I like pain and torment!" the Serperior objected, though she knew her trainer couldn't understand her. But the girl knew her friend well, and laughed a little.
"I think you just need to make a new friend," the princess said, stroking her serpent's head as if she were a giant kitten instead of a legless monster that the princess's brother swore was a demon in disguise.
Speaking of the brother, the prince himself arrived two seconds later, pouting a little.
"Hilda! Mom said you shouldn't try to ditch me in the woods anymore," he huffed, glaring. "You know how I get about the forest gods."
"You were the one that ran off chasing that Pidove, Hilbert," Hilda retaliated. "Erika and I just didn't bother to go get you."
"You left me," Hilbert insisted. "You left me and took Tommy with you."
"Well, it doesn't matter," Hilda stated. "You found us, so obviously, your forest gods don't exist."
"They do so!" Hilbert insisted, then lowered his voice. "One of them likes bacon."
Hilda blinked, then her hand came up to her forehead before she even realized what she was doing. "Don't tell me you've made sacrifices!"
"Why do you think I've been asking for bacon for breakfast every day since we were thirteen?"
The princess didn't bother to comment, and instead grabbed Hilbert by the sleeve and dragged him away. "Forest god or not, Chandelure says he found a broken tower. We have to check this out."
"Chandelure speaks to you?" Hilbert asked, staring. "You can understand him?"
"Don't be stupid. I doubt there's a person on the planet who can talk to Pokémon. He just gestured until I guessed what he was trying to tell me, and now I'm following him so he can show me the thing."
The Serperior was not the princess's only Pokémon friend, much like the Samurott was not her brother's. She sent her Chandelure out at night, letting him give some people and Pokémon harmless scares (he'd get in serious trouble if he tried any soul-eating nonsense) in exchange for showing her places he'd found on his travels.
Two nights earlier, he had found a tower with no door and a huge hole in the wall, and at the very moment she finished her sentence, he reappeared from out of nowhere, twirling wildly to show it off. Seeing the ruined tower herself, Hilda was very impressed. No wonder Chandelure had been so excited. "Come on, Hilbert, let's go play in the tower!"
"Go on without me," he said, confusing her beyond words. "Tommy and I will stay out here and try to catch a forest god. We'll prove they exist, won't we, Tommy?"
The Samurott belched, launching some of the flowers he'd eaten for lunch into Erika's face. Seeing his friend turn the infamous Serperior Stare on Tommy, Chandelure floated in front of her before she could retaliate.
"Erika, what did Leavanny tell you?"
"That it's not Tommy's fault he was dropped as an egg?" Erika suggested, trying not to think of her master's prized insect. Leavanny had taken to 'mothering' Tommy, since she had no babies to look after and the Samurott could always use some guidance. Why she bothered was still a mystery to Erika, but she wasn't going to ask.
Chandelure said nothing, wisely choosing not to try. "Just come with me," he instructed, and led them into the tower.
The Golett did not take kindly to the intruders, however. It was probably a good thing Erika had come along: Each Golett fell with a single Leaf Blade, allowing the princess and her Pokémon to continue exploring. Meanwhile, Hilbert grew bored of searching for a forest god, and left a container of bacon out in the open so he and Tommy could follow Hilda.
What the royal siblings found was a complete surprise to both of them. A round black stone and the fresh corpse of a young man, both guarded by a sleeping Zoroark. As they stared, the monster fox twitched, only to roll over so his back was to them.
Hilbert was the first to speak, keeping his voice low so that the Zoroark wouldn't wake up. "I dare you to kiss the dead guy."
"Ew! You kiss him!"
"But you're a girl," Hilbert protested, and Hilda rolled her eyes.
"Yes. And he's dead, and you're a meat brick. What's your point?"
"What if he's a vampire? Didn't you once say you'd love to meet a supernatural creature of the night?" At her silence, he pushed her closer. "Go on. Just get it over with."
Hilda glanced at the Zoroark, then back at her brother. "We'll do rock-paper-scissors."
The prince shrugged. "I guess it can't hurt," he said, curling his hand into a fist as his twin did the same. "Ready...and...go!"
N was vaguely aware of someone's lips on his own, and he tried to squirm away from the unwanted contact. But then he seemed to realize something: how long had he been sleeping? The last thing he remembered was an old man selling apples for his sick wife...but his entire body felt heavy, and certainly Zoroark and Zekrom must be wondering what had happened to him...and the Golett and Mienfoo, his friends...
The contact ceased, and his other senses returned. He could hear some kind of footsteps. Strange, human footsteps. Was he in danger? Couldn't his friends stop it? Or were his friends the ones that were in trouble? He had to help them.
It was way too bright when he opened his eyes, but he was far more concerned with the coffin. Why was he in here? He wasn't dead, was he?
He looked up, seeing a smiling face. Pale skin, brown hair...but the face was of a boy.
"True love's kiss has broken your curse," the strange boy said happily. "We get married on Monday."
Zoroark woke with a start at the sound of N's strangled, hoarse cry of shocked rejection, but the other boy was laughing.
"Don't worry," he snorted, "my sister was the one who woke you up." He gestured to a place where his sister had presumably been standing, but the girl was no longer there. N focused on attempting to climb out of the coffin as the strange boy called for the lost girl. "Hey, Hilda, come out and meet your true love!"
The sister did exist, it seemed, for the response was immediate: "No! The conditions were that if I kissed the corpse, you'd stop leaving bacon offerings for forest gods."
"But he wasn't dead!" Hilbert whined. "I'm sure he wants to thank you for waking him up."
The girl grumbled something, but returned to the room. N couldn't stop himself - he stared.
This was his true love? She wasn't bad-looking, but she was still...well, not what he'd expected. She was so tiny, not even up to his shoulder - perhaps that was why her hair was so big? But he'd always been tall, so he could overlook her lack of height. Besides, 'true love' was more of a personality thing, wasn't it?
She, too, seemed to be more than a little confused, but she gave him a slight smile before reaching out to stroke the Chandelure floating by her head. "Well," she finally said, if only to break the awkward silence, "I see you made it out of the coffin."
It was true, at least. N had managed to climb out of the people box, and was currently attempting to re-learn how to walk. Zoroark and the boy were laughing at him, and so was the Serperior by the girl's side. She herself seemed amused by it. "Do you want help?"
"No...I think I can remember." But his legs, his entire body actually, was still stiff, and soon enough the young lady had to act as a living crutch. As she helped him with his movement, her brother started talking.
"I'm Prince Hilbert," he said simply, following them around the room, oblivious to Zoroark rubbing the black stone like it was a genie lamp. "That's my sister, Princess Hilda. And these are our very first Pokémon friends, Tommy the Samurott and Erika the Serprior."
N looked over at the Pokémon, noticing immediately that Tommy was attempting to eat Zekrom's stone. There was only one way to keep his friend from becoming Samurott chow: "Zekrom, release!"
Tommy dropped the stone in horror as it began to vibrate wildly, revealing the dragon that the Golett squad had spent centuries protecting. Erika shook her head sadly, as if apologizing to the strange human for her friend's behavior, before she realized exactly what the stone was becoming. She quickly retreated into the corner in fear, or at least whatever Erika felt instead, and watched as the rock shifted into the dragon.
Hilda stared at it, her expression mirroring that of her Serperior, before she finally turned back to N. "Perhaps your story would be more interesting to hear than ours," she finally decided.
"Very well," N agreed. "I suppose I'll start with an introduction. My name is N, and my father tried to kill me."
The story finished, Hilbert and Hilda agreed to let N and Zoroark come along with them. Zekrom had decided to come, too, and after the three of them said their goodbyes to the Golett and Mienfoo (the latter of whom had made Hilbert miss the one he kept back at home) they started down the path back to the twins' kingdom.
That was when Hilbert first saw it: A dragon-like creature, chomping down on the bacon that he'd left out for forest gods. It was similar to Zekrom in appearance, though this one was as white as the snow on the mountaintop with eyes of an unnatural blue. It was beautiful.
"A real forest god," Hilbert breathed, restraining Tommy and taking a step closer to the dragon. His eyes widened slightly, and he corrected himself with, "a forest goddess, I mean."
"How can you tell?" Hilda questioned, and Hilbert pointed at the dragon.
"It looks like it's wearing a seashell bra," he pointed out. "It has to be a girl."
N looked between them, then looked up at the dragon. "Forgive them. They're only human."
"So are you," the dragon replied.
And it continued to eat the bacon, making the occasional sound of approval. Hilbert cleared his throat, once again distracting it from its meal.
"Excuse me, forest goddess? Can I please make a request?"
"Your offering has satisfied me," the 'forest goddess' admitted. "I suppose one request will not be too far out of my way to grant."
N quickly translated, surprising Hilda and scaring her just a little. But Hilbert wasn't bothered at all.
"Well, why don't you come with me, then? We can certainly use more than one dragon in our most recent quest."
"And what quest would that be?" the dragon inquired, and, after N translated, Hilbert smiled cheerfully.
"Confronting King Ghetsis and ending his reign of terror, establishing my sister as future queen of his kingdom, and saving the world."
The dragon thought it over, finishing the bacon as she did. "Will there be more bacon?"
"No more bacon. Hilda said no."
The dragon glared at the girl, but bowed down to the brown-haired prince. "I suppose, given the circumstances, the least I can say is yes."
Ten days later, Ghetsis received a letter, delivered by a Pidove.
It could not have come at a worse time: the stupid scientist he'd kept as a magic mirror had evaded his grasp, taking Zinzolin with him; two kids with stupid hair had decided to lead a rebellion against him; and the only thing keeping him on the throne was that there was no successor. The letter was quite cheery, but then, the boy had always been good at phrasing things in a way that sounded so innocent that it was nearly twice as threatening as it would have been if he'd just said what was on his mind.
"Hello, Father," it read, and he could see the brat's smiling face. "I hope you're doing well. I'm coming home soon, bringing along my 'true love' and a few new friends. I'm sure you'll want to meet her, at least. She certainly wants to meet you."
That didn't sound good. But how could Ghetsis refuse, when N was willingly walking back into his life and bringing the girl who had foiled his last plan along with him.
He could kill two birds with one stone...or at least two pests with one sword. Forget keeping clean.
He was waiting for them, prepared to put on his best phony father act. When the knock at the door finally came, the king himself was there, waiting to open it for his son and the boy's soon-to-be bride, or whatever she was.
It was not N, nor was it a female of any sort of human shape. Instead, it was a young man with short brown hair and a male Unfezant by his side. He smiled happily, as if undisturbed by the rage on the king's face.
"Are you King Ghetsis?" he asked, and Ghetsis scoffed.
"Do you not recognize me?" he demanded. "I am your ruler! Now, bow down, peasant, and perhaps you will be spared."
The boy held his head high. "I am no peasant, Your Ignorance. I am Prince Hilbert, and I have been sent to ask you to surrender your crown to N."
"And I," Ghetsis growled, "must ask YOU to go back to whatever swamp you crawled out of and leave my wonderful kingdom alone. We are fine as it is."
Hilbert didn't so much as blink. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way," he pointed out. "And trust me, the hard way isn't any easier. I've asked."
"And what makes you think you stand a chance against me? I am the supreme ruler of this land! My subjects worship the ground I walk on! And if you think my no-good son, the one I raised out of the kindness of my heart when everyone else would have thrown him out after his talents were revealed, has any place on the throne..."
"You're right, N isn't your son." Hilbert spoke like he knew this for a fact, which startled Ghetsis. "He's the orphan you adopted specifically so you could become king. Without him, you have no right to rule. So, by trying to kill him, you've already surrendered the crown." He smiled. "That's what we call backfiring."
Ghetsis grew pale. "How would you know?" he tried to hiss, but his fear got the better of him.
"Oh, some guy with a hair whooshie told me." Hilbert wasn't sure why Ghetsis punched a wall at that, but he wasn't in a position to care. "As I was saying, a loving father would not have tried to murder his son, adopted or otherwise. And if he did," the prince added, "he would have chosen a much different spell than the Drought of Living Death."
Ghetsis still appeared somewhat calm on the outside, but on the inside, he was panicking. How could this boy, this stranger, seem to know so much? He came from a place far away, had his own people to rule. How did he ever get information on a boy that Ghetsis made sure his own subjects knew very little about? How did he bribe the scientist?
Hilbert's smile turned evil. "Well, Ghetsis? I suggest you apologize."
"Why?" Ghetsis demanded. "What is a little boy like you going to do against me?"
Prince Hilbert looked over at his Unfezant. "It seems I need my backup," he said casually, and the bird spread his wings and took flight. "I warned you, Ghetsis...the hard way was not any easier."
Pulling a whistle out from his pocket, he blew hard into it. A loud roar echoed the sound, and an enormous white beast crashed through the castle wall, blue eyes alight with fury. As Ghetsis backed away from the creature, as anyone would, he was met with another, this one as dark as a moonless night with blazing red eyes that mirrored the other's rage.
And then, just as he was trying to get away, he saw who had been riding the black dragon.
N greeted him with a smile. "Good afternoon, Father," he said simply. "I'd like to thank you for trying to kill me."
"It was my pleasure." Ghetsis then realized how odd that actually sounded, and added, "Why are you saying so?"
"Because, if it weren't for that, I may never have met Hilbert, Hilda, and their Pokémon friends. Not to mention Zekrom here." He stroked the black dragon's smooth electric tail, something the creature seemed to enjoy. "For the first time in my life, I have friends. Real, human friends."
"Pity you won't get to enjoy them, then," said Ghetsis, and snapped his fingers. The Hydreigon appeared from down the hall, followed by five more Pokémon.
The battlefield was set. Hilbert had his Samurott. The king sent out an Eelektross. It was easy to predict the outcome.
"Use Wild Charge!" Ghetsis ordered, and Eelektross lit up and charged its opponent. The attack made direct contact, but the Samurott remained standing.
Hilbert threw a healing potion at it – a Full Restore, actually.
Fine, then. If he was going to waste time with that, then Ghetsis would be happy to show him how stupid such a move was. "Use Wild Charge again!"
Two more Wild Charges and two more Full Restores later, Eelektross collapsed on the ground.
"Recoil damage," Hilda commented. "Nice."
She and N weren't even trying to threaten Ghetsis anymore. They were playing Go Fish in a corner and getting to know each other, taking their relationship slowly like a responsible, sane couple.
Neither of them was 'responsible' or 'sane' by the average definition, but they had this going for them, at least.
Meanwhile, the king was furious that the boy had taken such an unusual strategy, allowing his Samurott to get hurt, that he immediately rage-quit the battle. "I demand to face the girl!" he snapped, and Hilbert actually stepped aside.
The princess stood up, and the Serperior moved to go with her, but Hilda held out a finger. "Keep playing and talking for me," she instructed. "I can face him even without you."
"Do you at least want to use Zekrom?" N offered, but Hilda shook her head.
"I can handle it."
Ghetsis knew that she was more likely to have a decent strategy than her brother, but that was fine. Hydreigon alone provided plenty of coverage. "Do you know what's next, girl?"
"Something you'll show me regardless of my interest."
"No!" Ghetsis denied, and then he froze as he realized that he'd just walked into a trap. "Well. That was uncomfortable." Hilda smiled innocently. "Let me guess. Your other Pokémon is a Lillipup, so you rely on word trappings."
"My pet is a Lillipup, yes."
"And this Lillipup knows a way to counter anything I throw at it, I presume?"
"Why don't you just stop talking and start the battle?"
Ghetsis snapped his fingers, and Hydreigon snapped to attention once again. Hilda didn't even blink, sending out a Pokémon that was not a Lillipup, but a fully-grown Leavanny.
"X-Scissor," she said, calm despite her current situation, and Leavanny took out Hydreigon in one shot.
Ghetsis screamed in rage, and lunged for N, who dropped his cards in a panic. That was when Zekrom launched a Fusionbolt right into the king's face.
"I'm done playing along with this parody," he announced, and turned to Reshiram. "What do you say we lock him in a mirror and call it a day?"
So they did.
Years passed. N and Hilda fell in love properly, and their dragon friends (and Hilbert) visited them often. Hilbert fed Reshiram a steady diet of bacon and regular Pokémon food, and her Legendary status prevented her from getting any negative side effects from this diet, triggering jealousy in whatever humans and Pokémon she interacted with. The scientist from the mirror found true friendship in a pair of odd teenagers with stupid hair.
No one ever heard from Ghetsis or the ninjas again.
And everyone lived happily ever after.