How the Dragon Hunters Stole Snoggletog
The distinctive whistle of wings and a sonorous howl echoed across the isle of Berk as a black shape streaked through the dreary winter sky. Once upon a time, the presence of a Night Fury would have caused the onlooking Viking pedestrians to scurry into their huts – yet times had changed, and the dragon's approach was met with cheers and applause, signifying the arrival of one of Berk's greatest champions.
Hiccup Haddock the Third and his best friend Toothless touched down on the grassy earth next to the Chief's house, from which Stoick the Vast himself emerged to greet his visitors. Without delay, Hiccup jumped off the dragon's back and rushed to meet the Chief.
"Hiccup!" the mountain of a man boomed, sounding pleased. "I'm glad you could take time away from Dragon's Edge to come and visit at this time of year. Snoggletog wouldn't be the same without you and Toothless!"
"Dad!" Hiccup replied, breathless and panicked. "I came as soon as I got your Terror mail! It sounded urgent! Are you okay? Is the village safe?"
Stoick's expression clouded over. "Not quite, son. I'm afraid that, in the absence of you and the other riders, Berk has been dealt a serious blow; a tragedy unlike any we've endured in recorded history."
Upon hearing these grim words, Hiccup's heart leapt into his throat. "Did the Dragon Hunters attack Berk?" he asked.
"Not quite," Stoick replied.
"Have they found the island where all the dragons have gone to lay their eggs?" he worried.
"No – and thank Thor for that," Stoick answered.
Hiccup wrinkled his nose in thought, unable to imagine any scenario that could be worse than Berk losing its best line of defense. "Then what?" he blurted. "What could possibly be so bad that you need Toothless and I to –"
The door slammed open loudly enough to make Hiccup jump, and from out of the house came a distraught mass of flesh, fur, and metal. "Oh, the horror! The humanity!" Gobber cried out in despair. "Hiccup, ye've gotta save us! They've all been taken!"
"You're killing me! What's all been taken?!" Hiccup exploded.
"Our Snoggletog decorations! Ev'ry last one of 'em! Gone!" the wreck of a blacksmith collapsed into a heap and continued weeping.
"You've got to be kidding," Hiccup exclaimed, shaking his head. "You called me away from the Edge, in the middle of a war with the Dragon Hunters, because you lost your decorations?"
Stoick gave him a warning glance. "Hiccup, this is an important time of year for our people. We may have gotten used to the fact that our dragons migrate away from Berk, but we simply can't celebrate without proper preparations – it's tradition!"
"And we'd just finished puttin' up all o' our shields an' wreaths when they were stolen oot from under our noses this mornin'," Gobber added, sniffling back tears as he stood upright again. "Even me jingling bells an' panpipes were stolen! I'll never play the Reindeer Waltz again! WHY, ODIN, WHY?!"
Hiccup took Stoick aside as Gobber descended anew into sobbing. "Dad, you can't have called me to Berk just to tell me that all the decorations have gone missing. What do you want me to do?"
"Excellent point, son," Stoick said. "Even if this is just an ill-advised prank, we can't afford to sit here and hope whoever stole them decides to return them. I want you and the Dragon Riders to start constructing new ones and bring them to Berk."
Eyes wide, Hiccup protested, "But Dad, Snoggletog is tomorrow! There's no way the six of us alone can make enough decorations for an entire village in a single day. And even if we could, how could we transport them all here without exhausting our dragons?"
"I don't want excuses," Stoick said, sternly. "All of our hopes rest on you and your riders. There's no-one else that can save Snoggletog. End of discussion."
As the Chief hauled Gobber to his feet and led him toward the Great Hall, Hiccup watched them go, shaking his head again in disbelief. "Way to spring this on me at the last minute, Dad," he grumbled to himself. "Well, bud, I guess we have our work cut out for us. Let's get back to the Edge and let everyone know."
Toothless warbled and licked his rider across the face.
Unbeknownst to anyone, Berk's Snoggletog decorations had been stolen, as part of a far more nefarious plot.
On a Dragon Hunter ship anchored behind the farthest sea stack from Berk, Johann lowered his spyglass with a devilish smirk. "Oh, little Hiccup and his sniveling friends have quite the impossible task ahead of them," he crowed. "By the time the sun rises on their pathetic holiday, they will have failed to procure enough decorations and Berk will be wallowing in a mire of despair!"
Beside him, Krogan let out a heavy sigh. "Tell me again why disposing of a few ornate shields is the key to conquering Berk, and subsequently acquiring the last Dragon Eye lenses."
"Because those simple Berkians are already upset about their dragons migrating away from the island, you imbecile," Johann growled, stomping forward to glare at Krogan. "When they realize that they'll have to spend Snoggletog without dragons or decorations, they'll be too busy moping to put up any resistance to our forces!"
Unintimidated by the much shorter man, Krogan raised a skeptical eyebrow. "And what, pray tell, is preventing the Dragon Riders from simply purchasing new ones?"
The smirk returned to Johann's face, and he lifted his head proudly. "I have deployed a small portion of our men to sink the ships of all the traders that have Snoggletog decorations in stock."
Krogan had to admit that it was a logical move. He probably would have done the same. Although… "If you went through all the trouble to sneak into the village in the dead of night, why did you go through with this elaborate scheme when you could've simply slit their throats as they slept?"
"WHAT?!" Johann snarled in a flare of temper, whipping out a knife and shoving it under Krogan's nose. "I didn't spend years of my life toadying up to that brute Stoick the Vast and enduring the ridicule of those dragon-riding children just to snuff out their lives in blissful ignorance! I demand satisfaction! My machinations will drag their hopes and dreams into the fiery pits of Muspelheim so that I can watch what little life they have left drain from their eyes!"
He marched away across the deck of the ship, rubbing his hands together and cackling. Krogan waited until his ally had gone below deck, then pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a world-weary groan.
"Why am I the only villain around here with an ounce of common sense?" he lamented.
Hiccup and Toothless heard Dragon's Edge before they saw it. Hiccup's brow furrowed as the island appeared on the horizon – there was a faint wailing coming from the base, which only increased in volume the closer he got. By the time he was able to see the clubhouse standing high above the Dragon Riders' stronghold, his ears were filled with the most awful sound he'd ever heard in his life. Not even the screeching of a baby Deathsong could compare to the banshee-like screams streaming out the open door.
Hiccup left Toothless to wrap his paws over his head on the deck outside while he ventured inside for answers. As soon as he did, he found Astrid, Fishlegs, and Snotlout crowding him, their eyes filled with relief.
"What in the name of gods is going on here?" Hiccup shouted over the din.
"Hiccup, why don't you act like a future Chief and shut the two of them up!" Snotlout demanded, with one hand covering his ear and the other pointing at the corner of the room. In that corner pranced Ruffnut and Tuffnut, their helmets sporting elk antlers and tangled clumps of mistletoe and holly.
"Happy Snoggletog, H!" Tuff greeted gleefully. "Ruff and I were just practicing our Snoggletog songs, because you know, someone's gotta spread the holiday cheer around here. I mean, imagine not being gathered 'round the bonfires, nestled within the comforting bowels of the Meade Hall, sipping delicious yaknog and listening to the sublime notes of Gobber's Reindeer Waltz floating through the –"
"Yeah, okay, Tuff," Hiccup interrupted his flowery anecdote. "Look, guys, I've got bad news from Berk. We might not have a Snoggletog to celebrate if we don't work fast."
"What could possibly be bad enough to cancel the most important Viking holiday of the year?" Astrid asked, worried.
"How bad does 'all the Snoggletog decorations disappearing from Berk' sound to you?" Hiccup replied.
Only shocked silence answered him, until Ruffnut raised her hand. "For the record, it wasn't us this time. It took Tuff and I all morning to perfect the chorus of 'Jingling Bells'."
"I think we can all vouch for that," Fishlegs muttered bitterly.
"Oh, and what a chorus it is, sister!" Tuff proclaimed, before lifting an arm and singing, "Ohhhhhhh, jingling bells, Ruffnut smells, Chicken laid an egg –"
"Would you two muttonheads give us a minute's peace?" Snotlout growled.
"Look," Hiccup sighed, already tired of the arguing. "I don't know how or why, but all of Berk's decorations have gone missing, and my father wants us to make as many as we can and deliver them to Berk before tomorrow."
"What?!" the Jorgenson boy exclaimed, eyes flying wide. "And just how does Stoick expect us to make enough for all of Berk in that little time? We're not miracle workers!"
"Well, at least one of us isn't," Astrid rolled her eyes.
"Guys, guys, we don't have to be miracle workers to get this done," Hiccup assured them with a confident smile. "In all these months we've spent on Dragon's Edge, we've accomplished things that no-one would've ever considered possible."
"Hiccup's right," Fishlegs piped up. "And I think I already have the perfect solution for increasing our production efficiency! I've been teaching the Night Terrors to fetch small objects and set them down in specific places, for if we ever need last-minute help making repairs to the base. If we each take a group of them…"
"That's genius, Fishlegs!" Hiccup cried, feeling hope surge through his chest. "Alright, here's what we'll do. Toothless and I will get the forge ready and prepare all the metal we'll need. Astrid, you're in charge of shields; Fishlegs, you'll do wreaths; Snotlout, ornamental bows and holiday clothes; and the twins will be on helmets. I'll have Smidvarg round up some Night Terrors for each of us. Sound good?"
"Perfect!" Tuff exclaimed. "I do so love a good holiday helmet! And while we do that, Ruff and I will have time to practice our songs!" He and his sister turned on their heels and marched away, chanting, "Deck the halls with heaps of yak dung, tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la…"
Hiccup winced as the noise pierced his eardrums, and struggled to ignore it as he addressed the other riders. "Okay, so, is everyone else on board? Preferably without any terrible new Snoggletog songs that make a Thunderdrum sound quiet?"
Several hours later found Hiccup stepping away from his workbench, wiping the sweat from his brow with a satisfied sigh. He picked up the finished metal peg and dropped it into the crate nearby, where it clattered against many other, identical pegs. Another one, glowing red-hot, he fished from the forge, using his tongs to dip it into a nearby bucket with a hiss of steam.
"Alright, another box completed," Hiccup said to himself. He grabbed the crate and hauled it over to where Smidvarg and several other Night Terrors were lounging. "Can you guys fly this over to Astrid's hut?" he asked, pointing at the crate and then at the hut in question for emphasis.
Smidvarg recognized what the boy was saying and chirped a command to the other dragons. The white Night Terror and two subordinates grabbed the crate in their talons and began flying it away from the forge, while Hiccup looked on with approval.
"Hey bud," he called to Toothless. "What do you say we have a look around the Edge and see how the others are doing?"
The first stop was the twins' hut, partially because Hiccup thought a few hours was too much time for them to be without supervision. He found them crouching amongst a large group of Night Terrors right outside their door, placing something on top of one dragon's head. At first he thought it was merely a brightly painted helmet – then he got closer and was unsurprised to see that it wasn't a helmet at all. He couldn't wait to hear the explanation for this one.
Toothless landed amongst the smaller dragons, scattering them, and as they took to the air, Hiccup saw that all of them were wearing the twins' peculiar ornaments. In addition to bright red bows around their necks, each Night Terror had a red sock-like object flopping around their heads, adorned with a white cotton ball at the tip and a pair of horns at the base.
"Guys, I thought I told you to make helmets," Hiccup told them, exasperated.
"We did!" Ruffnut said, holding up two fistfuls of red-and-white socks. "And we're making them for the Night Terrors and everyone on Berk to wear!"
"It'll be a new Snoggletog tradition!" Tuffnut exclaimed, replacing his metal helmet with one of the socks. "Behold, the greatest Thorston invention yet! The snug fit of a helmet! The comfortable softness of velvet underpants! The hours of fun you can have swinging the pom-pom around! I know this firsthand, because I spent that long testing it. Ahem – introducing… the soft helmet!"
"Can you believe it only took us all morning to decide on that name?" Ruffnut smirked. "Sorry Hiccup, but this kind of genius is something you've gotta be born with."
The twins promptly shared a victorious head-bash, although without the added protection of their ordinary metal helmets, they knocked each other out and collapsed.
"Yeah, 'genius' is kind of a strong word," Hiccup sighed, and flew Toothless away.
If there was anyone Hiccup could count on to follow instructions efficiently and to the letter, it was Astrid. He found her dangling her legs off the side of her platform, hammering pegs into the painted shield in her lap. Beside her was a neat pile of completed shields, and everywhere else around her were Night Terrors, holding paintbrushes in their mouths and spreading Snoggletog colors over unfinished shields.
Hiccup landed his dragon as far from the Night Terrors as he could, beside a smaller pile of incomplete, colorless planks of wood. "Wow, Astrid," he commented by way of greeting. "I knew I could expect top-quality work from you, but this is impressive."
"I figured out that I could leave the painting to the Night Terrors and concentrate on properly hammering in the metal you've been distributing," Astrid smiled at him. "The work goes by twice as fast if I divide it up amongst the entire crew; remind me to thank Fishlegs later for training these dragons. They've been a huge help."
Nodding in agreement, Hiccup looked around in awe at all the dragons, totally absorbed in their painting and doing surprisingly well with it. Some of the patterns even looked as if Vikings had drawn them on. He couldn't imagine for the life of him how dragons had learned to create art in such a human-like way. Did Fishlegs know about this?
When he voiced his wonder to Astrid, she tried and failed to stifle a laugh. "Well, they clearly had a great teacher. Look!" she chuckled, pointing to something behind him.
Hiccup turned around, and Toothless stared back at him, a paintbrush sticking out of his mouth and a half-painted shield under his paws. The Night Fury smiled his gummy smile and let out a delighted grunt, to which Hiccup couldn't help but laugh.
"Fishlegs?" Hiccup called out upon landing on his friend's doorstep. "You in there?"
"Come in!" came the muffled answer from behind the door.
When Hiccup entered, it was to see the pudgy rider sitting on his bed, concentrating intensely on the pine needles and prickly leaves he was weaving into a wreath. Upon finishing his work, he tied a red bow onto it and handed it to Meatlug, who took it in her jaws and tossed it into a nearby pile. But what Hiccup found most surprising was the fact that both Fishlegs and his Gronckle were wearing a familiar head ornament.
"Well, Fishlegs, I never thought I'd see you participating in Ruff and Tuff's particular brand of insanity," he remarked, giving his friend a small grin.
Fishlegs blushed and tapped his fingers together nervously. "W-Well, I thought the whole 'soft helmet' idea was pretty weird at first, but the dragons don't seem to mind them, so… why not? I-It's not like the twins are causing any trouble…"
"And Meatlug?" Hiccup asked, gesturing to the Gronckle.
"How could you to expect me to resist something this cute? I thought you knew me better than that," Fishlegs replied, walking over to give Meatlug a vigorous scratch under the chin. "Wearing one of these things only makes her the cutest dragon on the face of the planet, doesn't it? Doesn't it, girl? Aren't you just the most adorable thing?"
Hiccup wisely excused himself, as Fishlegs was clearly not going to pay any attention to him for the next while.
"Snotlout, I knew you were good with stitching after that adventure with the Screaming Death, but this is beyond," Hiccup spoke in wonder, upon walking into Snotlout's hut. He picked up a neatly-folded wool sweater and admired the patterns of holly leaves and snow Vikings that had been knitted into the fabric.
"Like I said, Hiccup, my mom taught me everything," Snotlout answered with confidence, over the clacking of his knitting needles. "And those are just what I made to warm up. The true masterpiece is in progress right now."
With a smirk, Snotlout held up what he was working on. The bottom half featured Hookfang, covered in flames and holding his head high, while the top half showed Snotlout standing proudly on top, hefting an axe that was twice his size while flexing arms that had unrealistically large biceps.
Hiccup tried to suppress his gag reflex, turning it into a weak cough. "U-Uh, um, that's… very, uh…"
"Don't worry, you don't have to tell me how amazing I am. Your speechlessness in the presence of my greatest artistic achievement is praise enough," Snotlout said, reaching over to pat Hiccup on the shoulder. "My only regret is not being able to fit my entire glorious self onto this woolen canvas. Somebody was needy and didn't want to be left out."
Hookfang growled and knocked Snotlout to the floor with his tail. The unfinished sweater sailed through the air before landing in Tuffnut's hands, who had just come through the door with his sister.
"Oh my Thor, what is this?" he gasped, holding it at arm's length. "It's the most hideous thing I've ever seen. My eyes water with even a mere glance at it!"
"Truly impressive workmanship," Ruffnut added, snatching it. "Nobody could've made something this ugly by accident. This took serious skill."
"I applaud thee, Sir Snot – your aptitude for the repulsive is unparalleled," Tuff agreed. Then, smacking a fist into his palm, he declared, "AHA! Sister Nut, I have reached an epiphany. This could be another new Snoggletog tradition! Picture it: Vikings, armed with their finest wool, giving physical form to their worst nightmares, competing to see whose artistic brilliance is best able to horrify the masses!"
"An ugly Snoggletog sweater contest!" Ruff cheered. The twins stayed just long enough to plonk a 'soft helmet' on Hookfang before rushing out of the hut.
"Okay, what… just happened?" Hiccup asked, bewildered.
"Ugly? I'll show them ugly…" Snotlout fumed, only for the soft helmet to smack into his face. "Hookfang!"
The sun was setting when the Dragon Riders gathered all their decorations and piled them together outside the dragon training arena. They were all in the midst of saddling up their dragons when Hiccup and Toothless swooped in to join them.
"Would you look at that!" Hiccup exclaimed, goggling at the pile of decorations taller than he was. "We all really pulled together today! I think my dad's going to be quite pleased with this."
"Um, yeah, about that," Snotlout snorted. He stepped forward, wearing his "masterpiece" to the disgust of all. "Have you ever stopped to think about, oh, I don't know, how we're ever going to carry all of that to Berk in one night?!"
"As much as I hate to agree with Snotlout," Astrid admitted, "he's right. We made way too much to transport at once. Even if we take only what we can carry, our dragons will be exhausted by the time we finish the flight."
"I was afraid of this," Hiccup confessed. He tapped his chin and thought aloud, "Okay, there's no way we can burden our dragons with all of this. We'd need some kind of transportation… a boat, or at least a wheelbarrow…"
Then, it hit him. "I've got it!" he declared with a grin. "We'll need to work fast. Astrid, gather up all the spare wood we have. Fishlegs, rally some Night Terrors. Snotlout and Ruffnut, I'll need cloth and rope. Tuffnut, you come with me."
"Wha– me?" Tuff asked, pointing to himself in confusion.
"Him?" everyone else blurted.
"You've got just the crazy ideas that I need to make this work," Hiccup explained, his grin growing wider at the display of disbelief. "Remember those balloons you and Astrid made when you were defending the Edge? And the time you and Ruff caused an avalanche by sledding on Barf and Belch?"
"Well, I didn't up until this moment," Tuff responded dully, before cracking a similar grin. "But if it's out-of-control Loki-ish thoughts you need, then the T-nut will be happy to deliver! Lead the way, young Hiccup!"
They dashed off towards the forge together, leaving everyone else to gape at their retreating backs.
"Hiccup… and Tuffnut, collaborating on a new project?" Fishlegs shuddered. "I don't know if I should be excited, or terrified."
It only took a few short hours for Hiccup and Tuffnut to reappear and call everyone up to the stables. Thanks in no small part to the assistance of the trained Night Terrors, they'd managed to construct a square-shaped vehicle with miniature sleds attached to the bottom, large enough and deep enough to contain all of the decorations. Balloons made up of a patchwork mix of red and green fabric were roped to the sides, each with a Night Terror stationed patiently under it. It had been painted over with a mix of red and yellow – the green had been used up – and a thirty-foot length of rope was coiled on a hook at the front.
"Oh, that's just wonderful," Snotlout drawled. "The fate of this year's Snoggletog depends on a wheelbarrow without wheels."
"Ah ah ah, technically it's a sled-barrow, my fine fellow," Tuff corrected him.
"Yeah, let's just call it a sleigh, which is what we agreed on," Hiccup replied, then turned to the other riders to explain. "There's no way we can get the decorations to Berk by water, and individually, our dragons won't be able to carry very many of them without getting tired. So, I designed this to be lashed to all five of our dragons and pulled along behind them. It's like a sled for the air – and I was going to call it a slair before Tuff suggested 'sleigh' for short."
"And you're using balloons supplied with hot air to keep it airborne! Incredible!" Fishlegs gushed.
"Right!" Hiccup laughed. "With this, we'll be able to deliver everything to Berk in a single trip, while distributing the load amongst our dragons so they don't exhaust themselves. Someone just needs to sit inside with the cargo and direct the Night Terrors so that it, well…"
"Doesn't drop into the sea?" Snotlout finished, cheekily.
Astrid folded her arms. "Please tell me you somehow took this for a test run in the hour or two since we last saw you."
Under her glare, Hiccup squeaked out a nervous laugh and looked away. "S-So, um, yeah, we've gotta make the trip to Berk ASAP, so… let's get the decorations loaded up and the dragons ready to fly! Don't worry, the sleigh is totally safe! Heh heh…"
The Dragon Riders piled up all of the decorations inside the sleigh with great care, then gathered Stormfly, Hookfang, Meatlug, Barf and Belch, and Toothless. One by one, Hiccup lashed the ropes to each dragon, ending up with two "chains" that each connected to Toothless at the front; Hookfang and Stormfly on one side, Barf and Belch and Meatlug on the other. Fishlegs clambered into the sleigh, a tight fit thanks to his considerable size, in order to instruct the Night Terrors that would blow their flames into the balloons. At last, after all preparations were finished, Hiccup hopped into Toothless' saddle and slipped his prosthetic into the stirrup, activating the tailfin with an audible click.
And with a running start off the edge of the platform, the dragons spread their wings and took off!
"Okay, Night Terrors, flame!" Fishlegs commanded. In unison, the little black dragons spouted fire up to the balloons, which inflated with hot air and carried the sleigh up. Once Fishlegs set the proper rhythm for the Night Terrors' flame bursts, the sleigh was bobbing along peacefully behind the dragons.
"It works? Hiccup, it works!" he cheered. He threw his arms up in celebration, but when the sleigh rocked with the motion, he carefully settled down and sat still.
"Perfect, Fishlegs!" Hiccup called back in delight. "Just focus on keeping the sleigh from tipping over. We've still got a long flight through the night ahead of us."
On Belch's neck, Tuffnut suddenly shivered. "Hey, is every flight on Snoggletog Eve this cold?" he shouted across to Ruffnut, the end of his "soft helmet" flapping in the breeze. "If this wind keeps up, my lips will be too frozen to perform my rendition of 'Loki Is Coming To Town'."
"And that's a bad thing, how?" Astrid called, her sarcasm palpable.
"Here, just wear one of Snotlout's ugly Snoggletog sweaters," Ruff advised, tossing a red-and-white one to her brother. "This one matches your soft helmet. And wrap your hair around your mouth! The grease will keep your lips warm and moist!"
"Quiet, you muttonheads!" Snotlout snapped. "We're hours from Berk, and listening to your chatter isn't going to make the trip any shorter."
"Not a very good display of Snoggletog spirit, eh Snotlout?" Tuff countered. "Well I say 'bah humbug' to you, too."
In the dead of night, illuminated by the silvery light of the moon, a lone Viking fishing boat was bobbing in the waves, its passengers hauling up their nets and readying for the long trip home. However, a cry came up from the watchman – there was movement in the skies. The other Vikings readied their weapons and looked skyward, expecting a dragon attack, only to quickly lower them again in wonder.
Silhouetted against the light of the moon, a group of unidentifiable flying creatures pulled what looked like a sled across the sky. The sled's cargo was piled high, and mystical red sparkles trailed along in its wake. Most incredible of all, though, was the large-bodied figure seated at the reins, some kind of fluttering garment atop its head. And, if the Vikings listened closely, they could hear a faint sound – the chime of sleigh bells, followed by a deep, jovial laugh.
Nighttime on Berk, and the villagers were returning to their huts in a deadened mood, most unusual for a tribe of Vikings on the eve of Snoggletog. No dragons flew the skies, and their huts and halls went undecorated. It was the least festive holiday Berk had experienced in living memory.
However, that was about to change.
Stoick the Vast was just completing his nightly rounds, speaking reassuring words to any moping Viking he came across, when the sound of wings reached his ears. He paused, searching for the faintest sign of the Dragon Riders' victorious return…
…when it suddenly began to rain fireballs. The night was instantly illuminated by the orange light of burning homes and ringing with the screams of startled Berkians. Draconic honks and shrieks drowned them out as Singetails wheeled above the village, while the largest one descended to a low hover in front of the outraged Stoick.
"Happy Snoggletog, people of Berk!" Krogan smiled tauntingly. "My friends and I happened to be flying by, and we wanted to treat you and your island to a holiday surprise!"
Stoick balled his fists and growled like an angry bear. "Krogan! Take your gang of Singetail-riding hooligans and get off my island before I MAKE you!"
"Now if only that were so," the Dragon Hunter drawled. "As it happens, your people don't even have the morale, much less the weapons, to stop me. Now all that's left to do is claim the items I put on my Snoggletog list – Berk, the Dragon Eye lenses, and all of your lives."
Before Stoick could bark out a furious answer, he paused, listening. Somewhere out there, beyond the screeching Singetails and yelling Vikings, he could hear… jingling bells? Krogan heard them too, and the two of them turned their faces to the sky simultaneously, wondering to themselves if they were going mad.
They soon found out that they weren't – the distinctive howl of a Night Fury pierced the chaos, and Krogan frantically steered his Singetail away from a flying yak cart pulled by five DRAGONS that swooped down from out of nowhere!
"HO HO HO!" Tuffnut laughed in an exaggeratedly deep voice, wearing a bright red, woolly shirt and matching garment atop his head, while his hair was tangled up in a sloppy braid underneath his jaw. "Happy Snoggletog to one and all! It is I, the great Odin! You can tell because I have a full, thick beard! Here, on my chin!"
"Hiccup!" Stoick called, his hope renewed.
Krogan was in a much less cheerful mood. "After them, men!" he ordered. "Whatever that ridiculous flying sled is, they're not as agile with it!"
In his usual position atop Toothless' back, Hiccup glanced behind them and saw a flock of Singetails rallying in pursuit of them. "We've got fliers, incoming! Everyone, get ready to turn and drop the sleigh! Fishlegs…!"
"I got it!" he responded from inside the sleigh. "Okay, left Night Terrors only!"
The bow-wearing dragons on the left immediately spewed their most intense blast of fire yet, causing the sleigh to lean precariously. At the same time, the other riders steered their dragons into a sharp right turn, causing the whole procession to swerve smoothly away from the incoming Singetails.
"Left!" Hiccup ordered, and only the right-side dragons flamed, allowing them to avoid another group. "Now right and up!"
All the Night Terrors flamed, but the left ones spat hotter fires than those on the right. The entire sleigh lifted and swerved, following the dragons on an invisible path higher into the sky. Fishlegs whimpered as the vehicle creaked ominously, but it stayed in one piece. How much longer would it, though? The Singetails were gaining on them!
"We can't get close enough to drop the sleigh safely!" Astrid reported. "If we do it up here, we'll smash it and lose everything!"
"Weapons! We need weapons! At least until our dragons can get free of the sleigh," Hiccup yelled, to no-one in particular.
Unexpectedly, Ruff and Tuff got out of their saddles to stand upon their dragon's necks. "Don't worry, Hiccup!" the female twin declared. "Thorston and Thorston have got this!"
To the others' alarm, the twins promptly ran down the spine of their Zippleback and jumped off, hollering with delight. Before Hiccup could shout in fear for their well-being, they landed squarely on top of Fishlegs, knocking him to the bottom of the sleigh. Hiccup's panic soon turned into confusion, and then back to panic, when he saw them begin pulling objects from within the pile of decorations and throwing them at the fliers.
"Guys, no! We need…!" he started, then cut himself off when an explosion tore through the air. One of the Singetails had fired at the first object, creating a massive conflagration that knocked the enemy dragon right out of the sky.
"What are those?!" Astrid demanded, as more explosions started going off.
"Bottles of Monstrous Nightmare gel!" Ruff informed her, gleefully. "Tuff and I hid them amongst the decorations! We were gonna throw them at the houses of Vikings that had been mean to us this year!"
"We packed enough bottles for everyone on our naughty list!" Tuff added, as another Singetail went plummeting with a mighty BANG. "It would be another new Snoggletog tradition! But this is way more awesome!"
By now, enough Singetails had been neutralized for Hiccup to spot an opening in the flock. Making a mental note to deal with Ruff and Tuff later, he shouted, "Keep at it, you two! Everyone else, help me get the sleigh on the ground! Once we get close, cut the ropes and break formation!"
The dragons dove straight down, pulling the sleigh straight through the gap in the Singetail flock, and soon the ground was hurtling up to meet them. On Hiccup's signal, Astrid cut the ropes with her axe, and Ruff and Tuff just managed to grab Barf and Belch before the sleigh came free. Fishlegs didn't, and screamed for Meatlug; the Gronckle flew in quickly enough to snatch him from the sleigh before it shattered into wood chips on the ground.
The following dogfight was familiar territory for the Dragon Riders, who had fought more battles with Krogan's fliers than they would've liked to admit. Hiccup and Toothless were concealed by the night, quickly outmaneuvering the Singetails that tried to swarm the Night Fury before sending the fliers into the ocean with well-placed plasma blasts. Astrid and Fishlegs watched each others' flanks, springing surprise attacks on the fliers that were chasing the other. Instead of being pursued, Snotlout and Hookfang were doing the pursuing, specifically to several fliers that steered their Singetails in the opposite direction of Snotlout's self-emblazoned sweater. The twins, meanwhile, went after Krogan himself, harrying him and his giant Singetail with gel bombs and off-key lyrics.
"On the first day of Snoggletog, my sister gave to me," Tuffnut howled, "a bottle of exploding MNG!"
"On the second day of Snoggletog, my brother gave to me," Ruffnut picked up the cue, "another bottle of exploding MNG!"
"On the third day of Snoggle– hey, where's he going?!" Tuff demanded. "There are eleven more verses!"
Indeed, Krogan was calling the rest of his crew back and fleeing Berk entirely. The combination of the dragon sleigh, onslaught of gel bombs, and Thorston-patented carols had been more than he was willing to put up with.
"You did it, son!" Stoick bellowed with joy as the Dragon Riders landed outside the Meade Hall. "Not only did you give those fliers a good thrashing, you brought enough Snoggletog decorations to adorn the entire village!"
"We couldn't have done it without the Night Terrors," Hiccup smiled, as the little black dragons gathered around him with affectionate chirps. "Or, as remarkable as it seems, the twins."
"Awww, Hiccup, that's the nicest thing you've ever said about us!" Ruff gushed, throwing her arms around Hiccup for an extremely awkward and fish-smelling hug.
"Me and my beard thank you as well!" Tuff cried, shedding happy tears as he smothered Hiccup from the other side. Then all three of them were crushed under Toothless' weight as he, too, decided to join in the group hug, his enthusiastic licks covering all of their faces in a generous helping of dragon drool.
Astrid, Snotlout, and Fishlegs burst out laughing, and wrapped their arms around Hiccup and the twins as soon as Toothless retreated. Stoick joined in with his own hearty laughter and picked all of them up at once in a mighty bear hug. The villagers of Berk began to gather around, drawn by the sounds of rejoicing, and let out a collective cheer. They were joined by several Singetails, all of whom were riderless, who added to the celebration by spitting fire into the air and shrieking happily.
"HAPPY SNOGGLETOG, EVERYONE!" the Chief and Dragon Riders proclaimed, and their dragons spat fire into the air in celebration.
(Despite it being the middle of the night, the Snoggletog feast took place immediately. All of the dragons were invited into the Meade Hall to join in the festivities – including the riderless Singetails, who decided not to attack the noisy Vikings in favor of enjoying all the free fish they could eat.)
Johann's eye twitched when significantly less fliers returned to his ship than he'd originally sent out. "Well?!" he demanded. "Why isn't Berk groveling in defeat?!"
Krogan slipped off his Singetail and walked straight past Johann. "Remind me to never go along with your imbecilic plans again," he managed to say. "The singing… oh gods, the singing…"
He went below deck, muttering to himself with a thousand-yard stare.
"Hmm. I suppose he isn't necessary for my next scheme, anyway," Johann surmised. He turned in the direction of Berk and grinned with all his teeth. "Celebrate while you still can, little Hiccup. Just wait until you see what I have planned for Frigga's Day…"
I wrote this without any real script in mind, and I have to say I like how it turned out. When I read it over, I actually thought it looked like it could've been a real episode. Inspiration obviously came from the classic Dr. Seuss tale, How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Except instead of celebrating Snoggletog in spite of their missing decorations, they're Vikings – they're just going to make new ones.
I really like the idea of Krogan being the straight man to Johann's cackling comic book villain. It's probably smart that he doesn't get involved with whatever Johann is planning next… his sanity might not survive otherwise.
(I used Frigga's Day as a stand-in for Valentine's Day, going by mention of Frigga in the episode "Snotlout Gets the Axe". I know there's a Valentine's event in Dragons: Rise of Berk, but I haven't played in a while so I forget its name…)
Happy Snoggletog to all my fellow Dragons fans, and a Happy New Year as well! This year has been a chaotic and stressful one, so let's all wish for a better future going forward! Thank you for reading and reviewing!