O Month X Day

Met two young girls. Cause of death: asphyxiation. They were both out on their family farm, when they suddenly became unable to breathe. Even I'm not sure what exactly the cause was, as their memories didn't have any clues. My best guess would be some type of natural poisonous gas. The girls themselves were pretty shaken up, and it took me almost an hour to console them. It's not pleasant, but things like this do happen. Life really is a fragile thing. But, I suppose that's also what makes it so beautiful.

I sat in the guild's dining area, eating a breakfast of grilled frog leg and toast. The food in this world is pretty good, though I wouldn't say it was any better than the fare in heaven. If only they had deep-frying here; the frog meat is definitely suited for it. The neroid drink is pretty great, though. Nice taste, and goes down with a refreshing swish. Also helps to mitigate hangovers.

After finishing up the giant toad quest yesterday, I had gotten all the skill points I needed, so I had gone back to the guild and searched the board for a quest about investigating the intruder at Feldus's castle.

Only to find that there was no such quest.

I asked the receptionist in case someone else had taken it, but she said that there had been no quests put out by Lord Feldus recently.

Then I looked around the drinking area for the man that had given me the info, but he was nowhere to be found.

As a last resort, I had started asking random passersby if they'd heard of those rumors, but they all responded along the lines of "An intruder in that castle? Is that a joke?" or "No way. If someone had broken into there, the whole kingdom would be talking about it" or "Well I don't know anything about that, but you should join the Axis Church!" Apparently that castle is famed for its state-of-the-art security, developed by Lord Feldus himself. Not one person I talked to knew of any instance of it being breached. I concluded that the "lead" I had was just the delusional ramblings of a drunkard. The fact that his story reminded me of a certain relic must've been pure coincidence.

Having reached that disappointing conclusion, I returned to the guild, where I found Sirius having a drink. Thinking that alcohol might help me past this slump, I made the rather un-goddess-like decision to join him. I discovered two things that night: I like the taste of beer, and I'm not great at holding it.

"Hey, ya got a sec?"

Though she was speaking at a normal volume, it set my head ringing a bit. I looked up at the party in front of me. Two guys and a girl. Judging by their equipment, they were probably mid-level. The girl, apparently the leader, took my failure to respond immediately as a 'yes.'

"So, we're lookin' for a Thief to add to our party. See, there's this new dungeon discovered recently…"

I nodded my head in affirmation as I tuned them out and downed another glass of neroid. I remember seeing them in the guild yesterday, so shouldn't they have seen me partying up with Sirius?

"… and seein' as how ya survived a quest with the Mad Dog without even a scratch, we figured ya must have amazing reflexes."

Ah, I see now. The idea that I'd choose to stay partied with that guy wasn't even considered. The "Mad Dog," huh? Not very flattering, but after having seen him in action, I have to admit it's not an inaccurate description.

And as I had that thought, the man in question walked into the guild and looked around. I vaguely remember asking if he wanted to do some more quests during our drinking session, with the intent of getting my mind off my first lead going up in smoke.

"That's a nice offer, but let me ask my partner first."

I waved to him as I said that, and after catching sight of me he came over to my table and took a seat.

"Hey Chris, you still recovering from last night?"

"Don't worry, I'm mostly over it now."

"Well that's good to hear. So, what's up with these guys?"

He asked as he looked quizzically at the other party, whose members were still standing next to our table with dumbfounded expressions.

"Oh, these guys want to invite us on a dungeon di–"

"Aaaaactually, I just remembered there was another, uh… thing, yeah we'd better go do that sorry maybe next time see ya."

She practically sprinted away, her two teammates not far behind. Sirius watched them leave, then turned back to me with a rueful grin.

"… sorry about that."

It seems he caught on pretty quick. He may act childish sometimes, but he's not lacking in self-awareness. I smiled back at him.

"Don't worry about it, I wasn't interested in working with them anyway. Rather than that, why don't you go look for quests while I finish up here."

After I finished my food and another glass of neroid, I went over to the bulletin board to see what'd he found.

"Anything good?"

"I'm thinking about this goblin extermination quest. It says a small group was sighted just under a day's travel from here."

So it'd be a two-day mission, assuming everything goes well. Of course, this would be my first time camping out.

"I'm in. How are we on supplies?"

"I'll cover the essentials like bedrolls and a tent, so you just get some rations, water, and anything else you can think of. Want to meet at the gate in an hour?"

"Sounds good."

The gloom that's been hanging over me since last night was replaced with excitement. I set off to buy some supplies… was my plan, but first came the consequences of drinking half a dozen glasses of neroid. I really need to start practicing moderation.

"… and then the tutor got mad at me, even though he was the one who hadn't read the book he assigned me!"

"Seriously? What, was he expecting you to not read it?"

"Well, I didn't ask, 'cause he was already fuming and I didn't want to push it."

The location of the goblin sighting was in a forest. To get there, however, there was about half a day's walk through open plains first. With no way for monsters to sneak up on us and nothing else to occupy our attention, Sirius and I started chatting. Naturally there wasn't much about me that I could talk about freely, so the topic shifted to stories from his childhood.

To be honest, most of them were rather mundane. But for someone like me who's never had conversations like these before, it was a novel experience.

"By the way, there's been something I've been wondering about."

"What's that?"

"Yesterday, when you were telling me about your job, you mentioned a cursed sword, didn't you?"

"Ah, that."

He made a contemplative expression.

"To be honest, it's not a story I'm proud of. Though, if I had the choice to do it all over, I wouldn't change a thing. It all started with… cabbages."

… huh?

"Cabbages?"

"No, CABBAGES!"

He shouted and pointed down the road, where the edge of the forest we were heading to was visible. From between the trees, dozens of cabbages were flying out. Heading straight for us.

"Quick, get your weapons ready, and get behind me!"

"R-Right!"

The cabbages were moving at an alarming velocity. If I got hit by one, I wouldn't be able to shrug it off easily.

I followed Sirius's advice and positioned myself about 10 meters behind him, making sure to give him a wide enough berth, but staying close enough that he could shield me.

As the wave hit, he began slashing away at any that got close to him with that absurd speed of his. Cabbage leaves littered the ground around his feet. I suppose one would normally want to capture the heads intact, but we hadn't brought any traps with us, and in his berserk state Sirius doesn't seem able to restrict himself to using the flat of his blade.

I used Bind to catch some of the ones that slipped past him, and smacked a few more with the hilt of my daggers. Then, just as quickly as it had appeared, the onslaught of cabbages ceased.

"… whew, looks like it's finally over and YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"

Dammit, and I already used all my rope on the cabbages! I sprinted after him, this time making sure to go wide enough to stay out of his reach. When he attacked me last time, it was due to a pair of skills: "Bestial Awareness," a passive skill that lets him detect any moving object within 5 meters, and "Reflexive Strike," a skill that allows him to instantly attack anything that enters his attack range. As long as I can get in front of him without triggering them, I should be fine.

Easier said than done, unfortunately. I'm faster than him, but not by much. His skill "Shock and Awe" granted him a speed buff when moving towards an enemy that wasn't aware of him. Already powerful by itself, when it stacks with the Berserk buff it reaches the point that I, as a speed-based job, have to struggle to outpace him. And the mindless cabbages that have already passed us and continued on towards Accelia must've counted as "not being aware of him." By the time I managed to cut in front of his path, we had already backtracked over a hundred meters. As he got close enough to recognize me, his expression calmed back down.

"… sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it, I'm the one who's stupid enough to keep hanging around with you."

"Haha, fair enough."

After collecting the cabbages, we continued on towards the forest. We lost about half an hour from that, and the sun was getting lower, so we quickened our pace.

"Are the cabbage harvests always that intense?"

"Actually, that was much smaller than usual. There's normally thousands of them when they come."

"Say, I just remembered hearing someone tell me that they normally come sooner in the year?"

"They do. I'm not sure what's up with them this year. There's definitely something strange going on."

As we entered the forest, I suddenly remembered that the cabbages had interrupted our previous conversation.

"That's right, weren't you telling me about that cursed sword?"

"Ah, yes, the cursed sword. It's an episode I'm not particularly proud of, but if–"

"Already heard that, skip to the part where you left off."

"Oh, sorry. Well, it took place when I was 12 years old. My mother acquired a sheathed sword at an auction. The previous owner had no idea how to unsheathe it, so he was selling it off. My mother happens to enjoy examining unusual artifacts, so she purchased it and brought it into her study. Then my parents were called away on business."

I think I'm starting to see where this is going.

"So I snuck into the study, as bored young boys do, and started swinging that sheathed sword around. Suddenly, I heard a maid coming, so I rushed to put it back on the desk it was resting on before. Unfortunately, my mother is not particularly tidy, and I tripped on another artifact and fell. The sword flew out of my hands and into the air, then fell and bonked me on the head, knocking me out cold."

Nevermind, I have no idea where this is going.

"Then I had a dream, where an ominous voice asked me if I wanted 'true power.' Being, again, a 12 year old boy, I immediately accepted, and when I woke up, my job had been changed to 'Berserker.'"

"Does your mother still have that sword?"

"Of course. My father wanted to have it destroyed, but precious artifacts are like children to her. Though, she did have it locked up so that there weren't any more accidents. Ah, we should probably find a campsite soon."

"Right."

I had a couple more things I had wanted to ask, but I had learned what I wanted to. As far as I knew, there weren't any sword relics with properties like that, so I'm guessing it was something created in this world. Which means I won't have to try and steal that sword from his manor.

Though, from the sound of it, there might be a chance that there are other heroic relics in the Dustiness's possession.

We packed up the camp at first light, then set out again. About an hour later, we came across the first sign of the goblins.

"See those tracks? Those are definitely the goblins we're looking for."

"I didn't figure you for a tracker, Sirius."

"I'm not."

"Then how–"

"The smell."

"Ah."

Now that he mentioned it, there was indeed a really strong odor hanging above the tracks we found. I can't think of any way to describe it other than 'unpleasant.'

"The quest said there were about a dozen."

"Do you think it smells like a dozen?"

"Ha, ha, ha. I have no clue, but the tracks don't look like they were made by a hundred of them. I guess we'll just have to proceed with caution."

"Alright, I'll take point since I'm stealthier, and you'll be the rearguard. And if something comes up behind us, remember to tell me before attacking."

"Of course."

Sirius's Berserk skill only activates once he makes an attack, so we decided that he'll hold off on it until we get into an ideal formation.

I activated Lurk and moved slowly through the underbrush, following alongside the tracks, with Sirius about 30 meters behind me. After about half an hour, the scent of goblin started mixing with something else.

"Woodsmoke."

"HOLY ERIS, don't just pop out like that, dude! I can't see you when you use Lurk, you know."

"Sorry. Anyway, I smelled woodsmoke up ahead. It smells fresh too."

I know this because I spent a lot of time last night tending our campfire. Since I have Enemy Detection to warn me of hostiles, I didn't have to worry about ruining my night vision by staring into the flames. They were very pretty. I should go camping again.

"I see, they must not be far ahead then."

"I'll go ahead to find them, then come back and tell you the situation."

I moved forward again, this time moving faster since I didn't have to wait for Sirius to catch up. Five minutes later, I came upon a clearing.

14 goblins, sitting around an open campfire in the late morning sun. There was meat roasting on sticks near it. Most of them were sitting around the fire, or doing maintenance on their makeshift weapons.

"14."

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY."

"Sorry."

"You sure don't seem sorry. Anyway, you said there's 14 of the green bastards?"

"Yep. It doesn't look like they're planning to move out anytime soon, so I'm guessing now would probably be the best time to strike."

"Agreed. Let's get on with it then."

I led Sirius to the clearing, then activated Lurk. The plan was for him to rush in like a bull in a pottery shop, then while their attention is diverted, I'll pick off the ones around the edge. It's pretty much the same as the tactic we used against the giant toads, though now that we have a better understanding of each other's capabilities, it should go a lot more smoothly.

"Whenever you're ready."

I whispered right behind his head. He flinched, but this time he didn't have the luxury of being able to retort me, so instead he just shook his head and readied his stance.

Then he rushed in. Surprisingly quietly, in fact. With a job like "Berserker," you'd expect a battlecry, but Sirius seems to have realized that getting as close as possible without being noticed before unleashing his berserk state was far more effective in shocking and intimidating the enemy.

Though he was creating a rather loud rumbling noise with his running. Strange, I don't remember his footsteps being that loud before. Must be my nerves.

By the time the nearest goblin noticed him and started to raise the alarm, Sirius was already readying his first strike.

His sword flashed forward.

And the goblin flew forward, right past him.

Wait, what?

It almost looked like something had struck the goblin in the back of the head.

At an alarming velocity.

It was then that I realized that although Sirius had stopped running, the rumbling was only getting louder. In fact, it was now louder than thunder, and the ground was starting to vibrate.

"SIRIUS, GET OUT OF THERE!"

Since his first attack hadn't connected, he hadn't actually entered his berserk state yet, so he heeded my warning and made a dash back towards the trees I was hiding in. We both took cover behind the biggest tree nearby and braced for impact.

I recalled a time I had met a child who had died in a stampede of hawkite runners. His memory of his death was chaotic. There was no sense of direction, no distinct objects in his vision. Just the deafening noise and pain coming from all directions at once.

In that moment, cowering behind that tree, I wished I was being run down by hawkites.

Even with my ears covered, my eardrums felt ready to burst from the sounds of the constant, near supersonic impacts. All around us, smaller trees were exploding, and the ground itself was tremoring. Within the shattering of bark and stone, I thought I heard a goblin crying out in pain, but it might've just been my imagination. The tree we were pressed up against was also shaking, with impacts so frequent it reminded me of the machine guns from earth that Aqua-senpai told me about. I braced for the worst, but thankfully, the tree continued to stay standing. For the first time since I came here, I truly wished I was back in heaven.

It wasn't until an hour later that the last cabbage finally left our sight. It was another five minutes until we braved a peek around the massive trunk of our tree. It was carnage. Scattered across the clearing were the broken, mangled remains of what had been goblins up until an hour ago. Alongside their dark green corpses was the lighter green of cabbage leaves. The cabbages' path was easy to see, as the smaller trees in it had been reduced to firewood, their green leaves now covering the forest floor. As we stepped out and looked at the other side of our tree, we found it stripped bare of bark, as if an ogre had punched it until not a speck of brown remained. We both stood around, silent from shock.

Eventually, Sirius broke the silence.

"Well, there's the rest of the cabbages."

"… is that what the harvest is normally like?"

"Heavens no! If that happened every year, this entire stretch of country would be a wasteland. No, there was something very unusual about this year's harvest."

"Wait, what about Accelia? Will they be okay?"

"I think they'll be fine. They'll be able to see the cabbages coming from a long way away, and if this old tree can withstand them, then the walls should easily hold."

…

"… that was scary."

"… yeah, it was."

To think a mere vegetable could be so terrifying. Looking at the clearing again, I decided that I'd be happy if I could go a hundred years without seeing the color green again.