Author's note: Hey, it's been a while. I'm planning to write more during the remainder of this quarantine, so look forward to it. And thanks for reading!

BTW, since it's been a while, if you need a refresher on what happened last time: The party went to investigate super cabbages, got betrayed by the devil Maxwell, and took a dip in the hot springs. Now, on to the next arc!

O Month X Day

I met the soul of one of the Japanese heroes. I think this is the 11th one. Cause of death: old age. If I remember right, for his boon he had chosen an artifact similar to one from a book series he had loved in his past life. He was a bit different than the typical hero. He wasn't particularly bold or daring, instead erring on the side of caution, and launching sneak attacks at prime opportunities. Many of the kingdom's knights called him a coward for his tactics, yet he did succeed in killing the demon king. He's only the 5th hero to succeed so far, in fact. His wish, however, was unusual. He wished to be forgotten by the world, so that he may live the rest of his life in solitude. And he did. Talking to him now, I expected him to have some regrets, having died without friends or family, but he had none. A strange person indeed. I suppose there are many things I still have to learn about the human heart.

Pant, pant, pant

My lungs felt like they were on fire, but I forced myself to keep running, faster than I thought I was capable of. My feet slipped a little on the cobblestone as I turned into an alley and my heart leapt into my throat, but I somehow managed to keep my balance. As I risked a glance over my shoulder, I saw them round the corner after me. How can they possibly be keeping up!? Dammit, if only I was in peak condition.

I turned back to the front, pushing myself even harder. If I recall correctly, there's an intersection right after the next corner, so I might be able to lose them there.

Just a few more meters…

–!

"We've got you now!"

Crap! Another group just cut me off. I skidded to a stop, and glanced back again. The first group is closing in too. I'm trapped.

Gah, why won't they listen to me!?

"Can you please just listen to me!? I'm not the messiah!"

"SHE IS THE MESSIAH!"

It's hopeless. They inched closer from both directions, intent on showering me with praise and affection. It was terrifying. I can handle one on one conversations with even the most devoted believers as Eris, but if I liked being the center of attention, I wouldn't have become a Thief.

I looked around me. Neither group looks small enough that I could force my way past, and on my left and right were just the plain, featureless walls of the buildings this alley wound between, with nothing but a few windows to break the monotony.

… wait. A plan quickly formed in my mind.

I suddenly stood up straight and raised my hands above my head.

"Attention, devoted children of Eris!"

The followers surrounding me stopped as they heard my words.

"The goddess has a divine message to share with you all, so please join me in prayer to receive it!"

As I said that, I closed my eyes and lowered my head. As expected, they all followed suit.

"…! I feel it! The presence of divine mana!"

"Hey, I think I feel it too!"

"Me too! It's the goddess! It must be!"

As they prayed, I scrambled up the wall using the windowsills as footholds, then began fleeing across the rooftops. There's only one place where I can hide now.

… by the way, there actually was divine mana appearing somewhere nearby at that moment, but I had no idea where it was coming from. Talk about a lucky coincidence. Investigating it will have to wait until this all blows over, though.

When we were returning to Accelia after that whole cabbage kerfuffle, we unanimously agreed that a little R&R was in order. Facing off against a Duke of Hell was way beyond what we had signed up for, and thus we had both physical and mental fatigue built up. My body in particular was still feeling a bit sluggish due to the aftereffects of the Philosopher's Bloodstone. The hot spring definitely helped, but a short break would still work wonders.

We arrived at the city gates just after lunch. After we parted ways with Filman, Pax set off for her home to visit her father, while Sirius went back to his family manor to work on some noble duties. I simply dragged myself to the inn and flopped onto the bed, where I lay for the rest of the afternoon. By nighttime, though, my stomach was complaining so loudly that I forced myself out of bed to get some dinner. As I ate, I was absent-mindedly fiddling with the now-sealed bloodstone when a thought suddenly occurred to me.

While my teammates and Filman certainly trust me, if word somehow got out that I was in possession of divine relics, it would draw a lot of unwanted attention. I needed some way to justify my activities.

"… hm, yeah, I can just do that, right?"

It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Once I returned to my room, I ascended to heaven and sent out a divine revelation, aiming it at the head priest of the Eris Church Accelia branch:

There is a silver-haired thief tasked with a secret mission of collecting lost divine relics and returning them to me. If you see her, please assist her if you can.

A bit on the nose, but I thought it would get the job done without any problems. Now if I got caught with a relic, the head priest's authority should cover for me. With that taken care of, I hit the sack, looking forward to a day of relaxation.

"What was that head priest thinking? Did they miss the word "secret" in that revelation?"

I complained to myself as I caught my breath. Maybe I didn't word it clearly? Well, I can worry about it later; right now, I just need to catch a break. I walked up to the door I had stopped in front of.

Knock knock

After some moments, the door to the manor opened, revealing a familiar face.

"Ah, if it isn't the messiah herself. For what reason do we owe this chance to be graced with your presence?"

"Very funny, Sebastian. If you know about that then you can probably guess why I'm here."

"Yes, of course. Sirius heard about it too, and instructed me to shelter you if you came here. He's currently in his father's study."

"That guy really is sharper than he appears… except in certain cases."

I gave the old butler an accusing look as I remembered a certain hot spring incident.

"You knew."

I recall him reacting strangely when we first met, but back then I had simply passed it off as rudeness.

He merely smiled back.

"I did."

"I don't suppose I should ask why you didn't correct him?"

"Such a thing is beyond the scope of my duties, my lady."

I sighed. This guy really is nothing but trouble.

"Whatever, just take me to Sirius."

"Yes, right this way, Messiah-sama."

"Shove it."

"Ah, if it isn't the messiah him–"

"Spare me, I already got that routine from your butler."

I need to clear up that misunderstanding of his one day, but I've got enough on my plate at the moment. I collapsed into an armchair in the corner of the study. It wasn't a large room, but the floor-to-ceiling window in the back wall gave it an open feel. There was an a exquisite-looking desk positioned in front of it, and it was behind this desk that my Berserker companion was currently seated, poring over some official-looking documents.

"Sounds like someone's had a rough day."

After greeting me, he returned to the paperwork, reading it intensely. I didn't bother responding, and just slumped back in the chair. I haven't even fully recovered from that damn relic, and yet I've been running non-stop since I stepped out of the inn this morning. It's almost noon now. Speaking of which, I didn't even have breakfast.

And naturally, as I had the thought, my stomach voiced its agreement.

"You doing a holy fast or something?"

"You know, I thought my friend would pity me more."

"Pity you? You're on a secret mission commissioned directly by Eris-sama herself. It's almost as if the goddess herself had visited this humble town."

I shot him a quick glance, but he was still looking down at the documents. He must've meant that sarcastically. Definitely.

I let out another sigh.

"It's not much of a secret mission if everyone knows about it."

"Nobody knows what that mission is, so I'd say it still counts as secret."

"Whatever you say, Mr. Politician. Now can you call your butler over and bring me some food? I'm dying over here."

"Is that any way to ask a noble for a favor?"

"No, it's the way Eris's messiah asks a loyal follower for their generous assistance."

"… touché."

He wrote something on the paper he was looking at, then gathered up the documents and stood up.

"Well it is about lunchtime, so let's head over to the dining room. This room isn't a place for eating."

He handed the documents to a servant as he left the room.

"Send this reply to Feldus."

"Right away, young master."

"So, Chris, sandwiches sound good?"

"I'd love some."

Sebastian brought us a giant platter of neatly arranged giant toad and cabbage sandwiches. I scarfed them down one after another, only taking breaks to breathe and drink water. In the back of my mind was a faint feeling that the goddess Eris should be conducting herself with more grace, but I'm not Eris right now so whatever.

After finally filling my stomach, I let out a sigh of relief and looked over at Sirius, who was still eating sandwiches at a rapid pace.

"You're a real lifesaver."

"Don't thank me, thank the chef. So, what're you going to do now?"

"I was just thinking I should lie low for a bit. Hopefully Eris will realize my plight and send another revelation telling them to get off my ass."

"You're talking a bit more crudely than usual there. You really don't like being a celebrity, do you?"

"Bite me."

He chuckled a bit, then grabbed another sandwich.

"Well, feel free to stay as long as you like. Though, I won't be able to hang out with you much, unfortunately; I've got some work that needs to be sorted out."

"Stuck doing your parents' work while they're out of town?"

"Pretty much. Though it's mostly just Lord Feldus requesting additional funds for his projects."

Feldus? I feel like I've heard that name before… it's none of my business, though.

"So, what's it like talking to the goddess herself?"

"I-It's not like that, she's just… sending me divine revelations on occasion to send me on missions. It's not like I've actually met her or anything."

"Still, I'm a little envious of you. Maybe one day she'll talk to me too."

Heh.

"Who knows? If you live righteously, maybe she'll–"

"Pardon my intrusion, young master, but Feldus is here to see you."

Of course, Sebastian had to interrupt right when I was going to say my smugly ironic line. Wait, Feldus?

"Didn't you just send a message to that person less than half an hour ago?"

"Most likely he was waiting outside this manor to intercept the courier as soon as he left."

The heck? So impatient, is he a child?

"Go ahead and let him in–"

"He's already in, young master."

The sound of frantic footsteps came from the hall, and shortly Sebastian stepped aside as a thin, blond man appeared in the doorway, clutching a familiar document in his hand. He was technically dressed as a noble, but his unkempt clothes and hair ironically made him appear closer to an adventurer.

"Sirius-sama, please reconsider! This is of the utmost importance! Ah, pardon me, Messiah-sama. Please, Sirius-sama!"

Lord Feldus gave me a short greeting when he noticed me, then returned to waving that document at Sirius.

It's going to take a hundred years for me to live down this messiah thing, isn't it?

"I'm sorry, Frederick, but I can't approve of any more national funds being used for your own personal projects."

"Personal projects? This is a matter of national security! My castle is outfitted with the most advanced security in the country! Do you understand what that means?"

"That you should do some research into the meaning of humility?"

"It means that if someone can infiltrate my castle, then they could infiltrate any other castle in the kingdom as well. Including the royal palace."

"But according to your reports, you have yet to find a single trace of this supposed intruder, despite your alarms being triggered. The logical conclusion here is that your system is faulty. Funds denied."

As if to state that the conversation was over, Sirius returned his attention to the sandwich platter, which was now cleared of more than half the sandwiches.

"But I…"

He seemed at a loss for words. If he's a noble, he should probably work on his glibness.

Wait. His story is ringing a bell. If I recall, back when I was searching for leads in the tavern…

"Excuse me, um… Feldus-sama?"

"Hm? Ah, Messiah-sama, you can just call me Frederick like Sirius-sama does."

"Then in that case you should just call me Chris. Anyway, what's the deal with this intruder?"

He seemed a bit surprised that I was showing interest in this matter.

"Ah, well… it's something that I've been trying to hide from the public, but I can probably trust you to keep a secret, Me– er, Chris-sama."

"Of course."

"You see, the castle to the north is one that I've designed myself to be the ultimate fortress. It's not exactly in a vital strategic location, though. It's more of a proof of concept to test out new engineering techniques and design paradigms before implementing them in more critical locations. I don't mean to brag, but the construction is so sturdy that it could even survive an Explosion spell! In fact, it'd take at least a dozen hits from that ridiculously overpowered spell before it starts taking serious damage, but of course, there's no plausible situation where it'd be hit by that spell so many times."

Ah, he's one of those people who seem unconfident at first, but can talk endlessly when you ask them about their hobby. Great.

"And the intruder?"

I'd listen to him talk more, but I really want to hear about that, so I not-so-subtly asked him to get to the point.

"Yes yes, the intruder. You see, in addition to the construction, I've also devised cutting edge security systems, both mundane and magical, to detect and catch any intruder. Even skills like Lurk and spells like Invisibility can't hide from my network! … the thing is, though, for the past few weeks, the alarm components of my systems have been going off every night, but the traps don't catch anything, and my guards and mages, armed with magic items and detection spells, can't find any trace of an intruder. I've been trying to improve my system by looking for possible holes, but… well, perhaps Sirius-sama is right, and my systems are just flawed. Though no matter how I look, I can't find anything that would cause a false alarm."

"I see. Say, by any chance, in your employ, is there a man with a big, bushy beard that's too fond of alcohol for his own good?"

"Yes, that would be Harris. He's currently doing time in the dungeon for sharing confidential information."

So that's why I haven't been able to find him again after he dropped that lead on me. I'll have to thank him once he's let out.

Now then, with all the facts laid out… yep, I'm 97% sure of it.

"Well, Frederick, I believe I can solve your intruder problem."

"… eh? Wait, really!?"

"Mmm?"

Frederick's exclamation caused Sirius to look up from the sandwich he was about to finish off. Incidentally, it was the last one.

"Can you really catch the intruder!?"

"I can't give too many details, but this seems like it's related to my, uh, divine mission, so if you don't mind I'd like to look around."

"Yes yes yes, anything for you, Me– er, Chris-sama! I'll return now to prepare a welcome dinner, does 6 o'clock work? Great, see you then!"

"Wai– aaand he's gone."

Before I could even respond, the eccentric man had already dashed out the door. First Sirius, and now him… are all nobles weirdos?

"Is this really related to your mission?"

Weirdo #1 said with mustard from the sandwich smeared on his face.

"It could be, which is why I'm gonna check it out… after I take a nap. Ah, Sebastian, perfect timing, can you take me to–"

"Master Chris, you have a visitor."

"Did you really have to interrupt me? No, wait, who is this visitor!? No one should know I'm here!"

"It's an adventurer named Terry. I don't know how he found you, but he's saying that he wants to become the Messiah's knight and protect her from–"

"Annoying. Just leave him out there and take me to a guest room."

"Of course."

I really need that nap.