O Month X Day

Aqua-senpai came over to complain again. This time, it was something quite bizarre.

Apparently, one of her followers painted a portrait of her with twintails on a whim, and it was such a sensation that similar depictions started spreading all throughout the Axis Cult. It reached the point where it became more popular than the original image of her.

As a result, the real Aqua-senpai's hair is now stuck in a twintail style, and the other goddesses are teasing her and calling her "Tsun-qua." It took all of my effort to not laugh at her.

Though, while this incident was mostly harmless, it was a scary reminder of the power mortals have over us. Deities like Aqua-senpai and me are strange existences. If there's a strong enough belief about us, it can shape who we are. Well, usually it takes a lot of people sharing that belief for that to happen, but in certain circumstances, such as when another source of divine influence is present, even a single believer can cause an effect.

There's a human saying that I heard once: "All power comes at a price." In the case of godhood, the price we pay is our identity. Many humans think it would be nice to be a god, but would they be able to go to sleep at night knowing that when they wake up the next day, they might not be the same person anymore?

… yet, despite all the imagery of me with a bountiful chest, it hasn't come true. There is probably some explanation, but I feel like it would only make me more depressed, so I'm not going to dwell on it.

"Are you really Chris?"

Pax just asked me something quite bizarre.

"What are you saying? Of course I'm Chris. Who else would I be? Either way, you're too close!"

I retorted and pushed her away a bit. It doesn't seem like my answer was convincing, though, since she was still looking at me with suspicion.

"You have acting odd just now. Not same as before."

She hasn't known me that long, so what makes her such an expert on my behavior? I took out my adventurer's card and presented it to her.

"Look, see here? C-H-R-I-S. And on top of that, I have the Mental Corruption Immunity skill now, so there's no way that I'm being mind controlled or anything. So you have nothing to worry about, okay? Oh, hey, is that a new necklace?"

"Don't change subject… what is that 'Instigate' skill?"

"Huh?"

I looked at my card again. Sure enough, there was a new skill there called "Instigate" that I didn't remember learning.

"… eh, probably just something I learned automatically by leveling up or something. It's not important."

Pax didn't seem satisfied with my explanation, but she backed off for now. Now then, let's finish this up so I can go and get some sleep already. I'm exhausted.

"Oi, Terry!"

"Y-Yes, Messiah-sama! Should I offer these flowers to Eris-sama now–"

"Forget about the stupid flowers already. I want you to use that flashy knife of yours to take down that ice wall."

The spell that our burglar cast earlier was still sealing the entrance of the castle shut. I could hear guards on the inside chipping away at it, but it'll take them all night at this rate.

"Oh… okay then."

He carefully put the chrises into his bag, then slowly trudged over to the ice. Don't act so depressed dude, it's not very manly.

Terry called forth the light blade, and with a few quick slashes reduced the wall of ice to rubble.

Hideki and Pax's eyes went wide. It was quite an impressive display, after all.

From the other side, several guards poured through, and after confirming that there was no danger, Frederick Feldus himself followed after. I waved him over.

"Hey there, Freddy! Got your burglar here!"

I pointed towards the unconscious woman slumped at my feet.

"You… actually caught him."

He took a closer look.

"Er, caught her. Say, could you tell me how she did it?"

"You mean how she got past your detection spells?"

Instigate

An idea struck me.

"She had inside help."

"Eh?"

"Yeah, someone on your team left a loophole in your system, letting her slip right through."

"I-Impossible… I'll have to investigate–"

"Objection!"

Suddenly, Pax stepped forward.

"Just now. That wasn't right."

I turned to her.

"What are you talking about? You weren't there."

"Just now. I saw. You had wicked expression on face when you said that."

Did I?

… well, it doesn't matter.

"Pax, that's hardly proof to say that I'm lying. Anyway, my job's done here, and I'm pooped, so I'll be going now–"

She grabbed my arm.

I simply stared at her.

"Do you mind? I'd like to go to bed now. Or are you going to keep making baseless accusations?"

"… nothing."

She relented and released me. I turned to the rest of them.

"Well, good night, all."

As I turned to leave, Hideki called out.

"Wait, you never answered my question!"

Come on already, I WANT TO GO TO BED.

"You mean that Trojan War or whatever? Who cares, that was millennia ago."

"Wait, so you do know!? Hey, hold up!"

I used Lurk to evade him, then made my way back through town to my inn room. When I finally got there, I flopped onto the bed.

… it really isn't as nice as the one in Dustiness manor. But it'll do.

Pax's Interlude

"Wait, so you do know!? Hey, hold up!"

Hideki tried to catch Chris, but she used her Lurk skill to escape.

There's definitely something off about her. I know I'm not imagining it.

I'll talk to Sirius when he gets back tomorrow. He's known her longer, so he definitely should've noticed as well.

"Dammit, now I really need to talk to her. Well, at least this means I'm on the right track, I suppose. Seems like it really is the same goddess…"

Hideki's talking about something weird again. Meanwhile, Terry is sitting on the ground, staring forlornly at the flowers from before. I felt a little bad for trying to crush them now. Thoughtlessly trampling on someone's enthusiasm like that… this just can't be the same Chris that became my friend.

As Lord Feldus returned to the castle with his guards and prisoner, Hideki seemed to notice Terry sulking, and went over to strike up a conversation to lighten the mood.

"Hey, um, Terry, right? That's a pretty incredible sword you have there."

"Yeah. It's the Saber of Light. It can cut through anything. A scholar I talked to said it's a relic that once belonged to a hero."

It was a weird feeling seeing him give that spiel with a monotone voice.

"A hero's relic? Wait, so it's like my staff then?"

Terry perked up at that.

"Eh? Did that staff belong to a hero too?"

"It does right now! I'm a hero that was granted this item by a goddess!"

"Eh!?" x2

Both Terry and my jaws dropped.

"I'm serious! This is a relic known as the Rod of Asclepius, a staff that possesses the ultimate authorities of healing and medicine. It actually belonged to a god once!"

"Ehhh!?"x2

I thought that staff looked unusually conspicuous. But…

"… can show proof?"

"Ah, of course you'd want to see it in action. Very well then, see that tree over there?"

He gestured to a small tree some distance away.

"Go ahead and destroy it, best you can."

"Eh, that tree property of castle–"

"Hiyah!"

While I was hesitating, Terry ran over and sliced through the trunk in a single stroke. Moments later, the tree toppled to the ground, after which Terry proceeded to chop it up into little pieces.

After that he turned to us, a big smile on his face. Seems like someone's gotten over their bad mood.

"How's that?"

"My turn. Stand back."

Well, if we get in trouble it's on him. He said to destroy it the best we can, and I can do better. I stepped forward, then pointed my wand at the pile of wood.

"Blaze Burst!"

I unleashed a short-range, high-temperature fire spell. It quickly engulfed the wood, burning bright blue from the sheer heat. Once the flames died down, there was only a pile of ash.

Hideki nodded, then pointed the staff at the ash.

"ἀφυγιάζω!"

Huh? So far, all the relics I've seen had keywords in Dad's language, or 'Japanese' as Hideki called it, but this was something else entirely.

A strange glow traveled up the snake carving on the staff, and once it reached the tip, a beam of light flew out, engulfing the grey particles. The wood appeared to somehow un-burn, as ash collected into larger pieces and they regained their color and shape. They then reassembled themselves into the tree's original shape, and then reconnected together, as if undoing every single cut Terry had made. In just mere moments, the tree was as healthy as it had been before.

"Amazing."

"Yes."

For the first time since I met him, I found myself agreeing with Terry. It didn't just heal the tree, it brought it back from oblivion.

"Well, though it can do that, if it's an organism with a soul, you still need a Resurrection spell or something to fully bring it back from the dead."

Either way, this kind of power… it defies mortal logic. There's no doubt in my mind now that this was a god's personal tool. A true divine relic, huh… wait. I stepped closer.

"What god it belonged to?"

"Huh? It's right in the name. Asclepius, god of medicine."

"Never heard of him." x2

"… ah, right, this is a different wor– er, country. Well… he was a god worshiped a long time ago by people in a faraway land… actually, now that I think about it, I'm not sure how that goddess I met even got ahold of this staff… or why she let me have it…"

Terry was absolutely entranced by the staff now.

"So, who was this goddess that gave it to you?"

"Ah, I think she said her name was Aqua–"

"Oh." x2

"… why do you both suddenly look disappointed? Another goddess you don't know?"

"Disappointed because do know her."

"… oh."

I know I should be impressed that he met a goddess, but… the fact that it was her just kills the mood.

I suddenly yawned. We were so busy talking that we forgot it was the middle of the night. My yawn immediately spread to the other two as well.

I suppose we can't just stand here talking about relics all night.

"… I think I will head home for night."

"Good idea." x2

We parted ways, and I headed to the inn I was staying at. I had trouble sleeping, though. A sense of anxiety and dread was keeping me awake.

"Yo, is this the right place for the wedding?"

"You know it wasn't an accident that you weren't invited, Eris. Now get lost."

"… tch."

I didn't bother hiding my contempt as I turned and left.

These stuck-up bastards. They think they have the right to exclude me just because I like to have a little fun now and then?

Maybe I should teach them a lesson.

I snuck back and peeked into the party. I saw Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite chatting over in the corner. In my eyes, that combo's a disaster just waiting to happen.

All it needs is a little push. A stroke of inspiration struck me. I took out the golden apple that I had prepared as a wedding gift, and wrote the words "To the fairest" on it.

Yes, this'll work nicely.

I smiled to myself. My gut is telling me that this is going to be quite a nice show.

I aimed carefully, then tossed my little gift right into the middle of those three…

I woke up, then stared at the inn ceiling for a bit.

I feel like I had a strange dream, which was weird because I don't usually dream. It was like I remembered a distant memory, yet it also felt oddly foreign, like it belonged to someone else.

As I got out of bed, I tried to remember what happened last night. My memory is fuzzy towards the end. I think I… had a fight with Pax? Why would I do that? And some guy was asking about some war…

I'll get some breakfast, maybe that'll help me wake up and remember.

I started on a meal of toast and toad bacon. The flavors cleared my drowsiness, but my memories were still foggy.

Slam!

"Hey Chris, you here!?"

The door to the inn was slammed open in a rush. I looked up at the sound of my name. It was Sirius, and he seemed rather frantic for some reason. He had bags under his eyes too, as if he hasn't slept in a while.

"Right here. You got an emergency or something?"

"I'm getting married!"

…

My fork clattered on the plate.

There were so many thoughts going through my head that my mind froze for a few seconds.

This guy?

This guy is getting married?

This is coming out of nowhere.

"… really? When? Who's the bride? And why haven't I heard you talk of her before?"

"Ah, well… it's a political marriage."

… political marriage. That's right, he's a noble.

"Her name's Phina Syl. She's from a smaller but wealthier house. My parents called me over to the capital last night to make the arrangements. The ceremony will take place a week from now."

A week? That's pretty soon.

"… uh, congratulations, I guess?"

"So, I've come to ask a favor. Chris, I want you to be my best man at the wedding. How about it?"

"…"

If I'm going to set him straight, I should really do so now, before he embarrasses himself in public because he didn't know his friend's gender.

And yet… I felt it again. That same mischievous urge I felt yesterday, right when my memories started going fuzzy. I feel like I shouldn't give in to it… but I really, really want to.

And why shouldn't I do what I want?

A smile crept onto my face.

"Sure. It just so happens that I love weddings."

Pax's Interlude

Knock knock knock

I was woken up by the sound of someone at the door of my room.

"In minute!"

After I did a quick stretch and threw on some clothes, I opened the door to see… Sirius? And he looks worn out.

"Here you are. Your inn's all the way on the other side of town from Chris's, you know."

"Back already? Still morning."

"Yeah, things wrapped up more easily than I expected. Anyway, I have something I need to ask you."

I realized that he seemed… anxious. Immediately I feared the worst.

"Did Chris do someth–"

"Do you want to come to my wedding next week?"

"Eh?"

I was speechless. This was definitely the last thing I expected to hear.

"Wedding?"

"Yeah, sorry for the short notice, but, uh, yeah. My marriage to a noble girl was just arranged."

Arranged marriage, huh. I guess that's the price nobles pay for their power: their personal freedom.

Well, I'm not going to turn down a chance to attend a noble wedding.

"I'll come– wait. Did invite Chris?"

There's something wrong with Chris right now, and I feel like if she comes, there'll be trouble.

"Hm? Yeah, I invited him before I came to you. He's going to be best man, so I sent him to my place to get fitted with a tuxedo. Oh yeah, if you need a dress, I can lend you one. We can probably get you something that goes well with that necklace."

… before, I thought I was just misunderstanding him due to my inexperience with the language, but… does he actually think Chris is a boy?

"Um, you know, Chris is–"

Wait a sec. He said Chris was getting a tuxedo.

Chris in a tux.

…

I want to see it. I suppose I can correct him later.

No, hold on, I'm getting off track.

"Sirius, don't you think… Chris acting weird?"

He looked puzzled.

"What do you mean? He seemed normal when I saw him just now."

"Like… causing trouble, or acting rude."

He pondered for a moment.

"When he visited yesterday, he was talking a bit more vulgar than he did before, but I assumed it was just his stress talking."

His expression turned serious.

"Why? Did you see something?"

"Last night, Feldus castle. Chris let enemy run around causing trouble when could've caught easily. And I got feeling… seemed malicious. Sirius, I think something very wrong with Chris, and that something bad going to happen."

Sirius appeared deep in thought. A small part of me felt happy that he trusted me enough to take my words seriously.

"… in that case, we should keep a close eye on Chris at the wedding."

Eh?

"You're not going leave behind?"

"Well, I can't exactly say, 'Nevermind, I don't want you as best man anymore,' can I?"

He has a point.

"Besides, if there is something wrong, it'd be better for us to keep him where we can see him, right? If we leave him alone to his own devices, who knows what'll happen?"

That… makes sense, actually. I don't know why I didn't consider that.

Just one thing.

"Not we. I will watch Chris. You focus on wedding."

Arranged or not, this is still an important event for him, so he shouldn't let himself be distracted.

"… I suppose you're right. Just let me know the moment Chris does something problematic, alright?"

"Got it. And you make sure wedding goes well."

We shook on it.

I'm going to find out what's up with Chris and protect this wedding.

And see her in a tux.

"How do you like that one, Sir Chris?"

"You're having way too much fun with this, old man."

"I have no idea what you could mean, Sir Chris. So, how does that one feel?"

"Fits perfectly. Say, do you have any green ties?"

I was in a dressing room at Dustiness manor, being fitted with a top-quality black tuxedo. Naturally, since Sirius thought I was a boy, he assigned Sebastian to help me with the fitting, rather than a maid.

Fortunately, while he is a bit of a dick, Sebastian at least isn't a lecher, so he kindly left the room while I put on each outfit. He's now looking over the latest one I tried on, checking that everything fit well.

"Why a green tie? I think a light blue would suit you better."

"Just thought it'd be nice to have something that matched my eyes."

He raised an eyebrow at that.

"… perhaps I'm missing a joke here, but your eyes aren't green, Sir Chris."

"Huh? Oh, uh, I guess you're right. Gimme the blue one then. And stop calling me Sir!"

"As you wish, Mister Chris."

"I'm going to strangle you."

After donning the tie, I took a look in the mirror.

A slick black coat over a white dress shirt, a matching pair of pants, and shiny black shoes. The light blue tie did indeed accent the rest of the ensemble well, just as the old butler said.

"… damn, I look good."

"I'm glad to see the messiah of Eris-sama is as humble as ever."

I'm never going to get the last word with this guy, am I? I ignored his sass and moved on to the next matter.

"So, what's our schedule look like?"

"We'll teleport to the capital tomorrow morning, then there'll be three days of downtime while the details of the ceremony are finalized. After that will be three days of preparing for the ceremony, after which will be the wedding itself."

"This all seems rather rushed for a wedding. Isn't there normally weeks or months of planning for this kind of thing?"

"These are difficult times. Things like these have to be rushed for the sake of necessity."

So, in other words, it's because of politics. I can only guess at what circumstances led to this.

Still, though. Three whole days to play around in the capital of the kingdom, and then another three to get my plans ready for the big evening. I couldn't help but smile.

My gut is telling me that this is going to be quite a nice show.

"Mister Chris, you're making quite a disturbing smile right now."

"Aw, shut it, asshole."