Chapter 28- A Random Machine

"I'm a Pokemon.- No I'm not! I'm Bill- AN ALAKAZAM" The spikes on the Alakazam's head swing dangerously as he talks back and forth in two different voices.

… Alakazam?

"Well, it never specifies what Pokemon he turned into exactly, so we're taking some… creative liberties."

"... Is this another one of your games?" Cassandra leers at Missingno.

"No, I wish."

"You wish this was your doing?"

"Uh, teleporters, combining with Pokemon, Cell Separation Systems; I wish I had come up with this all."

Cassandra and the Alakazam stare at him.

"Oh, sorry." He clears his throat and speaks in monotone. "Bill, what happened here?"

"Well, I was running experiments on my teleporters, and I accidentally got combined with a Pokemon, and now I need you guys to run the Cell Separation System."

Cassandra glares at Missingno again.

"Wait, it gets better." He turns back to Bill. "... No."

"No!?- YES!- Come on, you gotta help a guy in- I'm perfectly fine.- What do you say,- SUCKA?- Please? Ok? All right! When I'm in the Teleporter, go to my PC and run- AWAY!" He walks into the Teleporter and waits.

"... Ok, that was pretty different, but he still refused to let us say no." Missingno beams. "Ooo, if we walk out and back again, he will forget this whole thing, and we can start all over."

Cassandra grabs his collar as he tries to leave. "How about, no."

"Fine." He kicks up the overturned desk and places the computer on top. "What is this PC called?"

"It is the 'Appil Macoontoosh'. And there was no way to do this myself. It's not like I could have set a timer for the program… unless…" Bill starts mumbling to himself about complex computer codes, including some that relate to the theory of reality.

Missingno scrolls through the computer, searching for the program. "You know, Bill. An Alakazam supposedly has an IQ of over 5000. Wouldn't your work go infinitely faster if you stayed like this?"

Bill's eyes widen as he looks at him. "You're right. Ok, whatever you do, don't-"

Missingno hits a key on the computer, and the Teleporter doors shut. "... I think I found it."

The machine emits strange lights as whirring sounds start. Soon after, screams of pain echo through the cottage.

Cassandra turns to him. "Did you really have to do that?"

"The plot forces us to, so yes. Plus his psychic powers were running wild, so he couldn't touch the computer…." He smiles. "Oh, and it's fun."

She shakes her head and turns back to the machine, where the lights and screaming are finally dying down. The doors on the left half of the machine open with a 'ding', and smoke billows from within. Bill, now a normal human, coughs as he stumbles out.

"Thank you guys. Now I can finish my experiments."

Missingno sighs. "Well, you seem normal… ish. Which means we have to deal with this guy."

From the other doors, a deep cackle emanates. The Alakazam slowly walks out clapping. His spoons float around, giving off a pink hue. "Thank you. Truly, thanks to you all, I have gained sentience, and now I have my power all to myself!" It laughs maniacally.

"Technically, your power came from something else, but whatever floats your boat." Missingno shrugs.

The Alakazam squints his already pointed eyes and jabs a finger at him. "You! You seem the most dangerous…"

He points at Cassandra. "Ha!"

"... and also the least mature."

"Why does everyone say that?" His shoulders slump as Cassandra snickers.

"Prepare to meet your doom!" The Alakazam grabs its spoons out of the air, and the pink hue grows brighter.

Enemy Alakazam used Psychic!

… It doesn't affect Missingno.

"What? You should have burst into many small, little pieces."

"Woah. First, that is way too gruesome of a scene for this story. Try and keep it rated E for Everyone, please. And second, I've already canonized my immunity to psychic type attacks back in Mt. Moon, so too bad." He sticks out his tongue.

"Fine, but this should work." It uses its psychic powers to pick up the debris lying around, and sends them flying at Missingno's head.

"Ow. Ooh. Ouch. Cassandra, help me!"

"No, I'm fine like this." The debris flies around her, and only hits him.

He tries to swat away as much as he can, but it all just curves back at him. "Narrator, can't you write that it suddenly loses its power?"

Yeah, but watching this is a lot more fun.

"Fine, then I'll do it myself." He reaches over to the computer and presses 'CTRL', 'ALT', and 'DEL'.

The debris all falls to the floor. The Alakazam tries to do something, but his power no longer works.

"And now to finish it." He presses 'SHIFT', 'C', and '4'.

And the Teleporter explodes…. I see what you did there.

Technically, only the half by the Alakazam explodes, and it sends that half and the Alakazam flying through the wall and towards the ocean.

Missingno walks up to the unconscious Alakazam, and uses a 3 foot stick to gently push it into the water. He then picks up the half of the machine and brings it back in.

"Wow, Missingno. Way to push back the progress of science."

"Please. Several gens later, and there is still no real teleportation." He grumbles under his breath. "Still have to walk everywhere."

Bill shakes their hands. "Thanks again for all your help. Too bad, though. I was super close to figuring out trans-dimensional travel."

Missingno hands him a Link Cable. "Here you go. Problem solved. Let's go, Cassandra."

"Wait, what was that?" She leaves the confused Bill and catches up to him.

"... Nothing."

"Whatever. Have you seen Koons?"

He looks at Koons, who has been clinging to the back of her shoulder since the beginning.

"... No."