EPOV
I wonder when this happened.
How this happened.
It's easy to see why this happened.
I don't understand how I missed it – the way we've gravitated towards each other over the years without intention. Subconsciously. The way that neither of us have committed to anyone else longer than anything casual. The way that besides Jasper and Emmett, Bella's become the person I go to for everything in my life. There isn't a part of my life that she doesn't know about; I don't think I can keep anything from her even if I wanted to.
But now there is a part of my life that she doesn't know about. Or maybe she does, now that I think about it. Perhaps I haven't been as covert with my shift in feelings towards her as I thought I was. The part where she dominates my thoughts in the morning when I wake up, during the day when something randomly reminds me of her, and at night before falling asleep.
I feel like I'm slipping.
I've tried to keep myself in check – to reign in these newly found emotions towards Bella. I've tried to remain just her friend even when my thoughts try to convince me that I want more. More of her, more of us.
It would be so easy.
I feel like with each passing minute, I lose myself and my resolve even more. We've kept everything about our friendship intact, and in fact, I think we may have strengthened that aspect of our relationship. So we take our friendship, our foundation, and we've essentially set it on fire. We've added sex into the equation now, and even the flames from our burning friendship are nothing compared to when there's nothing between us but the sparks we've created when we forget about our friendship and focus on more.
I'm definitely slipping, and maybe I don't care anymore.
I can't even sit next to her at a public table without my hands reaching out to her without a thought, without a hesitation, that maybe just friends don't do that. Maybe I shouldn't stare at her too long with others around. But I can't help it. She's not just Bella my friend anymore, she's Bella, the girl whose smile makes her eyes dance and whose lips could drive me into an early grave.
And now that I've become more acquainted with her lips, and have somehow lived to tell about it, the thought of them ever touching someone else other than me has me on the verge of losing my cool altogether. In my defense, it wasn't the best idea that she decided to put her mouth on me for the first time while I was driving. I could have potentially ruined her car and would have folded like a lawn chair under the interrogation her Chief of Police father would have definitely put me through.
There's no good way to explain that his daughter had made me see stars from the road head she had given me.
I'm in no position to think about that now as she stands in front of me in the lobby of our hotel. Thinking of that night, with her lips wrapped around me and her tongue teasing its way up and down my length, coupled with her standing before me now dressed like a girl ready to break a guy's heart, is a bad idea.
I notice her when she's a few steps away from me in the lobby, my eyes widening at the sight.
And in that one moment, it hits me. And not in a way that makes me catch my breath or clutch my heart in a dramatic display of revelation. It hits me in a slow, comforting way; I feel as if I'm wrapping a favorite, childhood blanket around my shoulders after a long separation, or a day of travel or time away from home.
It's the most relaxing feeling I've had in a long time.
It makes perfect sense.
I look at her, her smiling face brighter than the earrings dangling from her ears, and I have my answer.
I know how this happened.
We're like a Florida rain; you can't predict it, but you always see signs of it before it completely falls.
Or in this case, me. Before I completely fall.
Maybe I've already fallen. I see moments from the last three years flash before my eyes like lightning and I know I've been a fool to have her so close to me for so long and not make her mine. I have no idea how she's here with me and not with someone to permanently call her own.
Maybe it's because she's always been mine even though I didn't even know it; I didn't recognize the signs.
But they've always been there, and now that I'm aware of them, I can't ignore them. I can't let them go.
I can't let her go.
When I tell her how beautiful she is, she just rolls her eyes with a little shake of her head like I'm exaggerating. I'm not exaggerating though – not in the slightest. She's so beautiful that sometimes it's physically painful, and when I can take my eyes away from her face to see the dress she's chosen for the night, I contemplate blowing off the entire Formal completely just so I can have her for myself.
I can look at her in front of me, her black dress sparkling in the overhead lights above us in the lobby, and not have to wonder what she has hiding beneath it. I already know. I don't need to imagine what her skin feels like against my own. I've felt it. What she's wearing is clearly made for her, the black and silver dress making it look as if it has been painted onto her body. The endless expanse of smooth skin from the open back of her dress has me thinking of how it will look in my bed later between crumpled sheets. Her hair on her head leaves her neck exposed and I have to bite my lips to keep them from leaning in for a taste.
She's temptation; she knows what she wants and she knows I want to give it to her.
"You clean up pretty nicely yourself," she says stepping back to look at me in appraisal. She tilts her head to one side before looking back at my face. Her eyes squint in playful thought. "I don't remember the last time I saw you in anything other than board shorts."
"That's because you're too busy getting me out of them," I remind her, thinking of the way her fingers feel beneath my waistline when I can't get them off fast enough. She thinks about it for a moment, realizes that I'm not wrong, and owns up to it with a nonchalant shrug in agreement.
"What are you doing down here anyway? I thought we were meeting you all in Emmett's room."
I nod, pointing towards the aspirin bottle I have in my hand. "I forgot these back at the house," I answer, nodding over to the area in the lobby where items of convenience are available for purchase. I open the bottle and tap out a few onto my hand, swallowing them with the aid of a fruit infused water offered next to us. "I think one more dose should do it."
Recognition dawns on her face when she remembers how I had spent the night before with the crew from the station to celebrate the end of my internship. "Still sore, huh?"
I make a face akin to that of dying, exhaling in pain as my stomach churns at the memories of last night.
"I felt like I was pledging all over again," I respond, finishing the water and placing it on the tray of a server who is ever eager to accept it.
Bella laughs, and the sound alone starts to bring me back to life. "You better get used to it," she says, adding, "Now that you're one of the team now."
I don't know when, if at all, I'll get used to being officially part of the team.
"I'll get used to it," I say, but with a shake of my head I tell her of my stance for the evening. "Today I'm definitely not. I have to take it easy tonight on behalf of my liver."
"Don't worry. I'm sure one of your brothers will gladly drink in your place," she jokes, and I laugh because it's true.
"Oh, it's going to get ugly. They're all doing shots up there and I'm chugging Pepto Bismol and dry heaving in the bathroom."
"Yeah, definitely take it easy." She says, giving me a little shove. "I didn't sign up for this just for you to throw up on me all night."
I shake my head. "I'm already feeling better thanks to this. Besides," I say, stepping in closer to her so my voice won't travel throughout the lobby, "I don't want to spend my night fucked up."
I watch as her eyes find mine and I'm pleased to see by the look in her own that she knows what I'm talking about.
"No?"
"No." I step even closer to her, probably closer than how a friend ought to stand in terms of proximity, but unable to stop myself. I'm inches away from reaching out and touching the tantalizing and exposed skin on her back. "Do you?"
I watch her eyes dip from my eyes down to my lips and back up again, a knowing smile playing on the corner of her darkened and glossy lip.
"Definitely not."
The look she's giving me has me biting my lip and stepping away from her in order to maintain some self-control. I have almost none, running on empty as my brain and my tongue battle over my next move.
Tell her. Tell her now. Tell her why. Tell her that even though tonight is supposed to be about finalizing my years as a brother, it's really about her. It's really about how tonight, this night, is about building a bridge to this proposition so we can walk across it together to the other side.
To pursue it.
Tell her that we've danced in circles around each other for so long like magnets fighting against an invisible and inevitable pull. Tell her that no amount of money or stats or goals come close to the way I want her. Need her. Have to have her.
Not just in my bed. Not just lost in our fantasy world of sex and money.
I need her everything. Her laugh. Her smile. The way she acts like I bother her but still puts up with my shit, anyway. The way she knows I come to class almost always empty handed and hands me a pen without my even asking her.
But I don't. Not yet.
I see Alice and Rose find us from the front desk and start making their way over to us. I nod my head in their direction in warning and Bella steps to the side to widen our soon to be circle. It's getting harder to speak in heated whispers only to brush it away moments later when we have to play our roles of just friends again.
Their heels click against the tile in greeting, making their presence known. Bella smiles and looks at them expectantly.
"All set," Alice answers, sliding a room key into her clutch. She looks over at me in confusion. "We're meeting you here now?"
I shake my head. "No, I just had to pick something up." I motion towards the elevators. "Ready?"
We head to the elevators but when Alice and Rose turn a corner Bella places a hand on my elbow, slowing us down just enough so we're out of range of any eavesdropping.
"This is yours," she says, handing me the second key to our room. "In case you need to get ready for anything for later."
I take the key and give her a look. "Is that your way of asking me if I want to change into lingerie or something?"
She lets out a loud laugh, covering her mouth in an attempt to thwart any attention to ourselves. Even though she's still laughing, a thought crosses my mind and I stop like a statue as everyone else continues to head for the elevator doors. She must know what I'm going to ask her next and she giggles again, pulling me by my arm again to bring me forward. I pull her back again, her body brushing against my side on impact. "Do you though?"
She laughs louder this time, and covers her mouth again when it catches Alice and Rose's attention. In a whisper, she shouts, "Next time!"
"I'll beg," I say with confidence right before the elevator dings its arrival. "I have no shame in begging."
As we step onto the elevator and the doors close behind us, Bella answers, "Good to know."
-ptp-
"Just one, bro?" Emmett asks, handing me a shot of something potentially lethal. "This is it."
Our last formal.
We're on the balcony of Emmett and Rose's room looking out over the pastel colors from the evening's pending sunset. It's only us guys out here for now, the girls busying themselves in the room doing God knows what girls do right before a night begins. Jasper reaches for his own shot and nods towards Emmett.
My stomach had just settled itself not too long ago, water and aspirin and a beer being the trick to making me feel semi-human again. The last thing I want is a case of the bubble guts with Bella next to me in our bed.
I kind of love that I can say that.
I reach for the shot from Emmett but give him a warning glance. I ask sarcastically, "You think this is a good idea?" He had the luxury of walking in on me in the bathroom this morning with my head in the toilet.
"You know what I think?" Jasper answers instead and stands up so we're standing in a small circle. "I think you should stop being a pussy and just take the shot."
Knowing they don't give one fuck about me or my problems, I join them in our last formal toast. We've always made it a tradition of ours to join each other on the balcony before formal in a toast to each other and another year behind us and another one before us. This time though, we don't have another year before us. The memories from tonight and from previous years will have to suffice from now on. We're not much for words but these moments are sometimes filled with meaning that words don't come close enough to describing.
I've been so caught up in Bella that I forgot about the significance of this night with my brothers.
"To the end of an era," Emmett says with an exhale, raising his glass towards the center of the circle we made.
Jasper's glass joins Emmett in the center. "To the start of another one," he adds.
As I'm raising my glass to meet theirs, I catch a glimpse of Bella through the glass smiling as Rose takes a selfie of the three of them.
"To the best one," I say, and the three of us clink our glasses together, the warm liquid a light switch signaling the night to begin.
-ptp-
Bella is no stranger to my brothers. In fact, I watch as they all welcome her into our final farewell celebration tonight a little too comfortably. She fits in here like all of the other girlfriends the brothers have brought with them. No one questions my bringing her. It isn't the first time I've brought her here as my date, but this is the first time she's been here that I've felt this way about her.
No one knows it but me so I can't get mad when I see Newton's hand drift a little lower on her back when he hugs her than I'm comfortable with. I can't get mad when she dances with someone else on the dance floor. If I show how I really feel our cover will be blown. Someone will pick up on how I feel something more than just her being my plus one.
I don't know for sure how she'll react to that, but the way she reaches for my hand under the table makes me think she feels it, too. And the way she reaches around my neck when she's dancing in front of me makes me think she's not afraid of it, either. The way I stare down at the way our bodies are touching, my hand on her hip pulling her tighter against me, convinces me that I don't care what anyone else thinks.
"You know you don't have to do this," she says a little later when things have slowed down a bit and we're dancing slowly with other couples scattered on the floor.
"Do what?" I ask.
She moves out of my arms to point over towards the bar where most of the guys are laughing and sharing stories. "This is your last formal," she says, looking back at me now. "You should go with them."
"They don't need my help," I answer her with a laugh, motioning with my chin for her to look at the games they're starting across the way.
"You may be right," she concedes, her own laugh bubbling between us. She turns to look at me again and squeezes my shoulder. "But go. We have all night."
With those as her parting words, I hold onto them as she makes her way back over to Alice and Rose and some of the other girls that were brought here tonight. When I make my way over to the loud group of guys I've come to know over my four years at college, I know Bella's right. This could be the last time that all of us will be together at the same time. Promises can be broken, plans can fall through, so we take advantage of the time we have now.
I stay true to what I told Bella earlier; I nurse a couple of drinks throughout the night but remain in control because as much as it's about the guys, it's also about Bella. I can only watch her from across the room for so long before I almost give in to temptation and walk over to her, swoop her away from everyone and everything and bring her upstairs to our room where we belong.
I reminisce with the guys for the rest of the night to keep my mind occupied and to pass the time, checking in on Bella several times. Each time she greets me with a promising smile, and eventually we all merge again to dance the last four years into memory.
Eventually, the DJ bids his farewell and we gather our things, the laughter and hype of the night making it seem much earlier than what it really is.
We all make our way outside in an attempt to cool off from the evening's festivities, the dancing and alcohol and definitely other substances a strong combination in lowering inhibitions and raising adrenaline. The air is surprisingly cool as we open the doors, the sun long gone from view with the moon lighting our way. We all clumsily and loudly make our way down to the water. Even in the darkness, we can make out the smiles and laughs as the night shifts from one setting to another. None of us are ready for the night to be over and for now this is where the night takes us.
The moon isn't alone in the sky for too long; fireworks set off from the pier down the beach and light up the sky in varying colors and bursts of light. Everyone squeals in surprise, running towards the beach to get an unobstructed look at the magical display above us.
There's a small patch of grass between the hotel and the small private beach behind it, and some run across it, not bothering to remove socks or shoes or heels until reaching the sand. Bella, Rose, and Alice are some of the ones that stop on the grass to remove their shoes, Emmett and Jasper waiting not very patiently in the grass next to a small, wooden gazebo on the hotel property. The gazebo is adorned with a curtain of thousands of tiny lights twinkling like fireflies in the night, the gleam of the lights strong enough to light the faces of those around us.
At the sound of the next boom, Jasper and Emmett lose patience completely and reach out to grab their girls, whether they're done with removing their shoes or not, towards the entertainment.
As the four of them run off in a chase towards the beach, I reach for Bella's hand and pull her into the gazebo. I had spent the night further away from her than I had wanted to, and now that everyone is sufficiently distracted with the next portion of the evening, I decide that I've waited long enough.
That we've waited long enough.
I don't give her much warning. When I drop her hand once we're inside of the gazebo, I have her face in my hands before she realizes what I'm about to do. The fireworks exploding against the black sky are nothing compared to the fire we ignite inside of the gazebo when I finally, finally, place my lips on hers.
There's a force behind my movements that are stronger than I intend so my lips are firm compared to her soft and subtle, but I savor that initial moment when we're frozen in time; my lips capturing her top lip in a sigh so full of desired defeat – both of us glad to lose this specific battle on the contract. My hands still cradle her face, and her hands gently hold my elbows in surprise at the sudden way I've pulled her here. Our lips have yet to move against one another, they remain frozen against the other's, and I can't bring myself to change that just yet. For now, I want to memorize what they feel like beneath my own before this moment passes in a blur. I know how long I've wanted this, wanted to feel her lips surrender to my own, and I know that once this moment passes, I won't be able to stop. I won't be able to get enough of her kiss and all the promises from them. I'll always need more. I'll always take more.
When I feel her hands leave my elbows, drifting up to rest on my forearms, I know there's no turning back. I can feel her head tilt to the side between my hands and that slight movement alone is enough to urge me forward.
And this time she's ready.
It starts slowly, the first time our lips shift upon one another, but the minute they start to move together it feels like a frenzy begins. Powerless to stop it, my hands move from her face to wrap around her waist, pressing her against me as close as I can without making her disappear completely. We can't decide between fast or slow, hard or soft. I can't tell which one of her lips I like better, the top or the bottom, so we take turns sampling each in earnest beneath the canopy of twinkling lights and colorful fireworks.
I pull away slightly, my lips never fully leaving hers, and I wonder if I'll ever be able to separate from her completely now that I've finally kissed her. When her tongue touches mine, slowly and purposefully, I decide.
I can't be separated from her.
I won't.
Just like everything else with us, we kiss like we've always been meant to. We kiss like there never was a signed contract between us. We kiss like we have no intention of stopping.
The only thing that gets us to stop is a distant voice shouting from the beach. Emmett.
"Edward!" He shouts, breaking us apart and putting unwanted space between us. "You have to come see this!"
With a shake of my head, I pull Bella to a crouched position to hide us from prying eyes. Still crouched and bent at the waist, we tiptoe out of the gazebo, grab Bella's shoes on our way out, our constant shhhs to one another between stifled laughter almost betraying us. We make it to the elevator again, this time with no interruptions, other than each other.
We make it to the closing of the elevator doors behind us before she pulls me by the lapels of my jacket, backing us into the back corner of the empty elevator against the wall. With her lips on mine, I barely notice the way her dress rises along her legs, eliminating the distance between us. I've been here before with the hard places on me between the soft places on her. I've felt her breasts pressing against my chest with want.
I haven't had her lips on mine until now.
This is my new addiction. This is what I can't get enough of. This is what I focus on with each passing floor rising unbeknownst to us. I claim her mouth with my own over and over again until we have to break for air, but even then, my lips and tongue find a spot on the side of her neck that draws a sound out of her I have yet to hear before now. It tightens the grip I have on her waist and makes me press myself against her again. Her fingers disappear in my hair, tugging at the edges once she pulls my face back to hers again to seize my lips between her own once more.
We separate at the sound of the upcoming floor, and I run my hands through my hair when a fellow brother joins us in the elevator. He's going down to the beach but waits for us to get off on our floor before telling me that he's out of booze and wants to know if I can spot him some. Knowing I've left mine in Emmett's room, we get out on our floor and Bella disappears into the room with a look towards me that has me directing my brother towards the nearest source of alcohol at record speed but mostly with a hope and a prayer.
When my key lets me into our room, I find Bella setting her phone up for our planned recording. She has her phone on the stand, moving it back and forth until she finds a spot that will leave our faces hidden. Satisfied with her placement, I make my over to her and tackle her down onto the bed, her squeals of laughter just barely covering up a clatter left behind on the nightstand near her phone.
Our laughter dies down when our eyes find each other in the soft lighting on the wall above us. I've seen her eyes swirl in pools of chocolate lust and desire for the past few weeks now. They can convey words and wants without her having to speak a word. Tonight though, I notice it right before she pulls my face down to hers again, her eyes are full of something different.
It's comfort. It's peaceful. It's welcoming me to a place I never knew I wanted to be.
I settle myself beside her on the bed with an elbow, my arm cradling the top of her head as I tangle my hand and fingers in her hair, most of it coming out of the pins in loose waves against my fingers and pillow. My other hand trails down her body in slow discovery, sliding beneath the thin straps of her dress with ease. Her hand loosely grips my neck, keeping me exactly where she wants me.
My mouth never leaves hers. Even when we need to come up for air, we swallow each other's breath as we wait for the other to catch up. We never catch up, and we resign ourselves to that, neither of us able to stop our mouths from finding each other.
We let our hands do the work, as they're familiar to what we do and how we do it. When I've peeled her out of her dress, my clothes join hers on the floor next to us. She's lying on our bed with nothing but a pair of barely there black lace underwear on, and I decide that my hands have gotten enough action over the course of our time together, and it's time to let my mouth discover all the places my hands have been for the first time.
I go back on my word and I let my hands lead the way, not being able to not feel her skin beneath them for long, but wherever they go, my mouth and lips and tongue follow. When my hands slide down her chest, I'm on knees facing her. When my hands find her breasts and they mold themselves beneath my touch, my lips skim the area between, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. I've watched them for weeks, felt her nipples rise against my skin, but I'm tired of watching.
I need to know how they feel against my tongue, and the sound that Bella makes when I succumb to my inquiries tells me that she's been wanting an answer to that same question as well. I've heard her before, dreamt about the way she sounds when I take her, but this time there's a desperation behind her whimpers that drives me even more. I use my tongue against the pink peaks of her breasts until she pulls me back up to her mouth again.
Our tongues dancing together again, I slide my hand beneath the black lace and find her ready and waiting. Her hands have been teasing me through my boxer briefs and each passing stroke against the rock hard bulge between us has me slip another finger inside her.
She breaks apart from my mouth, her forehead resting against mine as I watch my fingers bring her to a release that I always play on repeat in my mind between sessions. I can tell by the way she feels on my fingers, the way she sounds in my ears, that she's close. She's come on my fingers before, and I remember the thought I had earlier.
Tonight isn't about my hands. It's about my mouth.
I know how it feels when she comes on my fingers. I don't know how it feels when she comes on tongue.
I find out soon enough.
I draw it out as long as I can, savoring her taste that I've been craving for far too long. I use my tongue to bring her to the edge, use my kiss to push her back, use my mouth to tell her how beautiful she is. I lap up everything she has to give me, holding her hips in place when she clings to the sheets as she falls.
The next time she falls, I'm falling right there with her. I'm buried so far inside of her that I don't know where I end and she begins. The sound of her completion is lost against my lips, a secret whispered in intimacy to a lover.
I vow to myself that from now on, I'll be the only one to keep her secrets.
I just have to figure out a way to tell her that.
How are we, folks?!
I'm curious to see who can spot the clue I left in here. It's somewhere in there lost in the excitement of their first kiss. : )
Thanks for your reviews and recs – they keep me going when I get stumped! (I can't even tell you how many times I changed this chapter until I was satisfied with it!)
See you soon!