Chapter 58- A Random Defense
As the Muk is distracted with the screaming circus members, Missingno, Cassandra, and Driller use the opportunity to pull Koja out the front.
"Whether it is a musical or a circus, those guys sure do a good job." Missingno gives a small chuckle, but Cassandra's trembling lips stop him.
They pull Koja into a field and lay him on his front. His clothes are in tatters, and purple veins are pulsing all along his back. His makeshift mask has fallen off, revealing his pale, sunken face. His thick eyebrows and sharp nose are scrunched up as he desperately tries to breathe. Driller hovers over him, circling excitedly.
Cassandra looks at Missingno. "Will he be ok?"
Missingno shakes his head. "This glitch is now both Pokemon and human. His poison can OHKO any Pokemon and instantly kill any human. The fact that he is even alive means…"
"I'm a Pokemon." Koja struggles to talk, to breath, to turn his head; but he still glares at Missingno. "I need a favor."
He tries to push himself up, but can't even get off the ground. "I'm pathetic. I threw every... weapon I had at that thing... and they all melted before even hitting it." He weakly pounds his fist. "This city needs Koga. He is their real leader! Not some impostor like me…"
Koja's eyes gleam. "Please, Missingno! You can do anything! I've seen that! So please! Help me!" Each sentence is broken by a raspy breath.
"..." Missingno slowly stands, raises his fists and screams. "Nooooooo! My theory was wrong!"
"... What?" Cassandra and Koja stare blankly at him.
Missingno paces back and forth. "I thought for sure that you were Koga, made young through the glitch. I had thought of another girl, but she doesn't exist until next gen, but you are some Pokemon? This is horrible!"
Cassandra smacks him with her bag, sending him flying against an invisible wall. "That's what you're angry at?! There is a giant monster about to attack us!" She gestures to the tent, which is still in commotion and starting to melt.
"Hey! To me, this is just-" He gets cut off by Cassandra's leer.
"Fine! Koja! What is it that you want?"
"I want you to beat the-"
"Ha! Who are you fooling? I am a fourth wall breaking glitch. I can read your thoughts, your desires!" Missingno stares directly at him and holds out an open hand. "I can give you the power to help fight it yourself. Or I can turn you back to your original form. It is up to you to decide, but there are a lot worse things out there than that monster. Trust me, you can fight them. Will you help us?"
Koja lays there for a second before slamming his fist on the ground. He struggles, and manages to lift himself up a few inches. He stares back at Missingno and declares, "Please! Give me strength!"
"That's more like it! I can do that, but there is no going back. Once I do this, you have to join me on my quest, or cease to exist. Are you prepared for that?"
"Yes!"
Missingno laughs. "I like you! Fine! Let's do this!"
Koja prepares himself for a surge of power… but nothing like that happens.
"Hey! I thought you were going to give me power!" Koja barks at him.
"Well, you look better." Missingno grins.
Koja notices that it no longer hurts. He sits up, and feels that the scars are completely gone. Driller hovers up and down in a circle as Koja gets up.
He grins back at Missingno. "Thank you."
Cassandra smiles, but raises an eyebrow. "Wait, Missingno. Why would you change him if you were just going to take down the glitch yourself?"
The now two protagonists look at Missingno, who starts to sweat.
"Um… I actually can't do this one by myself."
"What? Why?"
"Well, my Defense has been completely lowered from all the leers and screeches that have happened recently. Even your leer earlier couldn't do anything anymore. And, for some strange reason, Poison is a Physical move right now."
Well, that makes sense. Poison is a physical object, right?
"Yeah, and drops of water and blades of grass aren't." He scoffs before turning back to the two. "Anyways, the situation is that I can't take a hit from that thing right now." He jabs a thumb at the inflated circus tent, ready to burst. "And it looks like they can't hold it off much longer. Which means we need to make a battle plan."
Missingno starts to draw in the numbers by his feet as if it were dirt. Koja and Driller head over to look, but Cassandra just stares at them.
"Battle plan? You never make one of those. Don't you need to be random in order to fight?"
"Yes, but by being always random, it is now even more random to make a plan! I am a random genius!"
Cassandra rolls her eyes to his laughter. She walks over to the see the plan, and finds an detailed drawing of Koja, Cassandra, Driller, and the grinning Muk monster. "So, what is the plan?"
Missingno grins. "Step 1: you two distract it. Step 2: I shoot it."
A miniature Missingno walks up with a mini rocket launcher and blows up the Muk drawing.
"... That's it?!" A unison cry shakes Missingno.
Cassandra throws her hands in the air. "Why don't you just take him out yourself?"
"Wait, is that really all it'll take?"
Cassandra looks at Koja and sighs. "Trust me, this is what he does. Pretty much all he does."
"Hey! It is called a running gag, and it is awesome! Besides, the first part is just to separate the two glitches."
"Two glitches?!" They cried out together again.
"You know, if you both keep doing that, it is going to get really hard to write. And yes, there are two glitches. Koja, what is different about this Muk?"
"Uhhh, you mean the teeth?"
"Exactly! The Muk's Golden Teeth, originally owned by the gangster game warden, causes the Pokemon poison to affect non-Pokemon objects."
"Wait." Cassandra raises an eyebrow. "Muks' teeth aren't golden?"
Missingno sighs. "We are going to have a talk after this. Now, the plan is to have you guys distract it while I take it out."
"With what?"
"Please don't-" Cassandra tries to stop him.
"With THIS!" Missingno lifts a weapon that appears out of nowhere.
It is his "custom" rocket launcher… you know, that pointless one with, like, a dozen rocket launchers strapped together with duct tape.
"Pointless this!" He aims it at the tent just as it bursts.