A/N: And I'm back. Long time no see!
I have good news: I've started writing for Episode 2, so look for that starting in Chapter 10!
"Come in," Master Windu called from his quarters. I hesitated briefly before entering.
"You asked for me, Master?" I asked, bowing low.
"Yes," Master Windu said simply. "I want to discuss shatterpoint with you. The concept must be understood before you can attempt it. Sit." Master Windu gestured to a meditation cushion and I sat in meditation pose across from him.
"What exactly is shatterpoint?" I asked.
"Shatterpoint is a technique where you perceive a turning point in something, or someone. You find… fault lines, so to speak. Do you follow?"
"I think so…" I replied, thinking hard. A memory popped up, unbidden. "I think I've done it before."
Master Windu looked surprised as he opened his eyes.
"Have you?" He stared at me with an intensity I had seen many times before. "I suppose with your newfound ability to share memories you could show me?"
I gaped at my Master. How had he-
"How did I know?" he asked. "Simple. I sensed your energy deplete suddenly through our bond. I knew you'd been at the Creche and I knew you and Obi-Wan were talking so I went and questioned him about it."
"Oh," was all I could say. Obi-Wan had told Master Windu.
"To put it shortly, I am upset that you didn't come to me first, but now that you know you can do it, I'd like you to make the ability useful and not injure yourself again. So, I'll be helping you this time."
"Yes, Master," I said, bowing my head.
"Next time, come to me first," he said before closing his eyes, prompting me to do the same.
"It was on Illum," I began, calling on the memory. I shivered, the air growing colder. A nudge on my mind. I opened my mind, allowing the presence to join me…
"Padawan. Padawan!" I jolted up, gasping in a breath. "Breathe, Drinna, breathe," the voice prompted. "That was harder than I thought it would be. And sooner."
The room came into focus as Master Windu kneeled over me. I tried to sit up, but he pushed me gently back down.
"You need rest. I must say, I am impressed, however. The memory was vivid in my mind. And that definitely was shatterpoint." Master Windu sat back on his heels, regarding me closely. "We'll practice shatterpoint more next time, but for now I'll have Kenobi come take you to the Halls of Healing."
I turned my head to watch as Master Windu got up and commed Obi-Wan. Why was I more exhausted than my previous attempts… less than twenty-four hours ago. Kriff.
If there was one thing Master Lergo had drilled into me, it was to not strain myself mentally. I had really failed, this time.
"Kenobi is on his way," Master Windu said, crouching down beside me. "He said to tell you that his Padawan was disappointed that you wouldn't be joining them in the Creche for weekly lessons. Care to tell me about that?"
I sighed and bit my lip. Master Windu certainly had a knack for finding things out.
"Anakin has a lot of fear, Master Windu. Before he and Obi-Wan went to Carnelion IV, Anakin spoke with the Chancellor and… wanted to leave the Order. He hasn't shown any desire to do so since, but it's only been a few weeks. Obi-Wan also mentioned that Anakin has a lot of fear, and so I offered to check it out, being a Force Empath and all. I didn't know…"
"Didn't know what, Padawan?" Master Windu asked after a few moments of silence. He shook me gently and asked again. "Didn't know what?"
I was spared from answering when the door slid open and Obi-Wan stepped into the room, followed by Anakin.
"Is she alright?" Obi-Wan asked Master Windu, crouching down beside him.
"I'm fine, Obi-Wan. I just forgot one of the basic rules of being a Force Empath."
"Which is?"
"Master Lergo didn't want me exerting myself mentally when I was learning a new skill. I didn't wait more than twenty-four hours between attempts, and so I blacked out."
Obi-Wan shook his head and scooped me up, standing.
"Let's get you to the Halls-"
"Wait a moment, Kenobi," Master Windu said. "My Padawan and I have unfinished business."
Can Anakin leave? I asked Master Windu through our bond. I don't want him getting more concerned about… anything by hearing our discussion.
Very well.
"Skywalker, if you could leave us for a moment?" Master Windu asked. The young boy nodded and left. Obi-Wan moved to put me down. "Kenobi, I think it would be best if you stayed."
"This is about Anakin, isn't it?" he asked, setting me against the wall so I could sit propped up.
"Yes. Before you entered, I asked my Padawan about the weekly lessons she was giving your Padawan. She mentioned that the Chancellor talked to your Padawan and then he wanted to leave the Order. This is concerning."
"I'm sure it wasn't the Chancellor's fault, Master Windu," Obi-Wan said.
"Then whose fault was it?" Obi-Wan sighed. "Odd how you both have the same reaction to talking about your Padawan, Kenobi."
"He's afraid," Obi-Wan finally said. "His fear is so deeply rooted that… I'm not sure what to do. Drinna has been helping him let go of his fear bit by bit, but I'm not sure how long it will take until he can… function at an acceptable level without the possibility of him…"
"What?"
"Turning to the Dark Side, Master Windu," I said, looking away from Obi-Wan. "I… saw something during my first lesson with him. A vision. He was older, consumed by fear… He was killing and… his eyes. Oh Force!" I buried my head in my hands.
"He had eyes like a Sith, Master Windu," Obi-Wan said reluctantly. "At least, that's what Drinna showed me."
"That was the first time you used this ability?" Master Windu asked me.
"Yes."
"Hmm." Master Windu stood and walked to the unshaded window. Obi-Wan and I exchanged looks.
This may not bode well for Anakin, Obi-Wan murmured.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen.
It wasn't your fault, Drinna, Obi-Wan gently chided. We both knew his fear was a concern. I just hope they give him a chance.
"When you two are done talking…" Master Windu said, turning to face us. I looked away from Obi-Wan. "I am concerned about young Skywalker. He needs to learn to control his fear if he is what your master thought he was," Master Windu said, looking pointedly at Obi-Wan. "And I'm not sure that I'm convinced that the Chancellor had nothing to do with Skywalker wanting to leave the Order. I will talk to the Council about this. I cannot promise anything about the boy's fate, but I will see what I can do."
Obi-Wan stood and bowed to Master Windu then picked me up and left the room as Master Windu returned to the window.
"What was that about?" Anakin asked, standing as we left.
"Master Windu wanted to know something that Drinna and I had discussed about… emotions. That's all."
"Okay," Anakin said, convinced. "Are we still going to do our lesson this week, Drinna?"
"I don't know, Anakin. I'm a little tired right now, but maybe we could talk about emotions instead? That way nothing bad will happen to… me."
Anakin nodded, lost in thought.
"Was there an emotion you wanted to talk about?"
"You mentioned love was a complicated emotion. Can we talk about that?"
Obi-Wan spluttered and looked at me.
Drinna. What did you do?
"Um…" I hadn't thought about it when I'd promised Anakin we could talk about it. In the Halls of Healing… and with Obi-Wan nearby… it wouldn't be a good idea. "Maybe later. Some Jedi," I looked pointedly at Obi-Wan at that, "don't approve of even thinking about that emotion."
We will talk about this.
What? You want to discuss love with me? I teased.
Drinna, this is serious. Love is forbidden.
I sighed. Oh, what a horrible thought. Sometimes being a Jedi was so complicated.
"Are you okay, Drinna?" Anakin asked, frowning.
"I'm fine, Anakin," I responded, forcing myself to smile. "But is it okay if we talk about a different emotion?"
"Sure."
Drinna huffed as she waited for Obi-Wan. Normally she was patient, but today was completely different. She'd been a Padawan for a few weeks and Obi-Wan and his Master had just gotten back from a mission. Obi-Wan didn't even know Drinna had been made a Padawan!
The ten-year old Zabrak kicked at the waters in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. Of course, she was on the very bottom level, not having gotten over her fear of heights. Or of what had happened.
A door slid open behind her and Drinna turned to look. It wasn't Obi-Wan. It was Master Lergo.
"Still waiting for your friend?" Master Lergo asked, sitting down beside the girl.
"He's been back for hours. Why isn't he here yet?" Drinna asked, curling up on herself. "He said he wasn't tired and that he would come visit me as soon as he got back."
Master Lergo sighed, leaning back on her hands as she stared at the waterfalls and foliage.
"You need to let go of your emotions, Drinna. Ever since Obi-Wan left the Order, you've been a little less open with him, with me, and with yourself. You're bottling those emotions up. It isn't healthy. And you're angry and sad with everything right now. You need to let go."
"It's hard, Master," Drinna pouted.
"I know. You've struggled with this your whole life, haven't you? You're just learning now, and it takes time."
Drinna and her Master sat there for some time, just listening to the waterfalls.
"Drinna, I think you should go seek Obi-Wan out and talk to him."
"I will, Master!" Drinna said, jumping up and dashing out of the room.
It took her little time to find Obi-Wan, holed up in his room as he was. She waited outside of his door for him to recognize her presence, but he did nothing.
So she knocked.
"Who is it?" Drinna frowned and waved the door open with the Force.
"I thought you were going to come visit me," she said as she entered, folding her arms over her chest.
Obi-Wan barely turned around.
"I forgot."
"You, of all people, don't forget," Drinna scoffed. "You didn't want to come."
A wave of emotions hit Drinna, causing her to stumble back into the door. A hint of anger. And sadness. Overwhelming sadness. Was that grief? A touch of… affection? Yes. Definitely affection, sickeningly so.
"Who died?" Drinna asked, standing and moving to sit next to Obi-Wan. He didn't glance at her. Drinna pouted. There was once a time when Obi-Wan wouldn't have hesitated to talk to Drinna.
"No one died," he finally said. "What makes you think that?" His emotions were schooled again, hidden - mostly - from Drinna's senses.
"You're sad. And you liked whoever… got hurt."
"No one got hurt, Drinna," Obi-Wan said sharply. "I'm indifferent on the matter."
Drinna reeled back. Obi-Wan was… being mean to her? This was new. Something terrible must have happened on his mission.
"Well, you're back. Where did you go?"
"Mandalore."
"What did you do?"
"Protected somebody."
"Who?"
"The Duchess."
Drinna frowned. There was that affection again, mingled with sadness. So it was the Duchess who had Obi-Wan's attention at the moment and not her. And Obi-Wan's answers were so short. He was annoyed.
"I bet you'd rather talk to the Duchess right now than me," Drinna said, standing. "So I'll go. I was hoping to talk to you about something important, but I guess it's not that important to you."
Obi-Wan shifted, anger bubbling higher. He finally turned to face her.
"Satine and I are nothing, despite what you might think, Drinna. You may think you understand emotions, but you don't. I have no emotions. I am a Jedi. Jedi do not love."
Drinna tilted her head, studying Obi-Wan. So he… loved her?
Why did it hurt so much to hear that?
"You're a nuisance and a bother, Drinna. Leave me alone. You're right that whatever you wanted to talk to me about isn't important."
Drinna blinked, reeling from the sadness and anger both of them felt. And strongly, too. She turned to leave, but stopped at the door.
"I thought you'd be excited to hear that I am now a Padawan, but I guess you don't care, do you?" Drinna asked softly, shutting the door behind her.
Drinna brushed at the angry tears that spilled from her eyes with her sleeve. She could sense Obi-Wan moving in his room, and she really didn't want to talk to him right now.
Drinna ran, not caring where she went.
It was Master Lergo that found her, probably with the help of one of the Temple Guards who had likely seen her crying under the ancient tree near the Tranquility Spire's base.
"Your emotions are strong, young one," Master Lergo commented, sitting beside her distraught Padawan. "Did your talk with Obi-Wan not go well?"
"No!" Drinna sobbed, clutching her knees tighter. "No, it was awful! He didn't want to talk to me! He was so mean and sad and… and he loved someone and it hurts and I don't know why! He didn't ask how I was. He wouldn't even really talk to me except to insult me when I said that he obviously didn't care about me!"
"Hmm."
Drinna tried to slow her breathing, but it was hard. Her head and her eyes hurt from all of the crying.
"I missed him," Drinna sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "I missed him and I wanted to see him, but it was like he didn't even recognize me. It was like I wasn't important to him. I was looking forward to talking about his mission and talking about me being a Padawan now, but he didn't care!"
Master Lergo gently unfolded Drinna from her position and wiped the stray tears from her eyes.
"It hurts because you care, my Padawan." Master Lergo frowned as she considered carefully her next words. "Obi-Wan is saddened because he loved someone and he's chosen a path that forbids love. You're sad because you love Obi-Wan and he didn't return that love."
"But love is wrong, Master!" Drinna said, looking horrified. "I can't love Obi-Wan. That's… that's gross." Drinna wrinkled her nose.
Master Lergo laughed. Actually laughed.
"Not like that, Drinna. There are different types of love. But perhaps we should discuss this where others can't hear us, hmm?" Drinna nodded and took her Master's proffered hand.
They walked side by side in silence to Master Lergo's rooms and settled on the bed.
"Love is… complicated, Drinna. There are at least five different types: familial love, love between family members; paternal love, love between parent and child; infatuation, liking one thing about someone and making that who they are; unconditional love, which the Jedi teach as compassion; and then there's what you think of as love, which leads people to get married and have families."
"So I don't feel love for Obi-Wan?"
"No, Drinna. I would guess that you feel familial love for him, and him for you. It is most likely that Obi-Wan was infatuated with whoever he loved rather than loved them. But he cannot act on those feelings without being shunned and perhaps expelled by the Jedi Order.
"Love isn't bad, Drinna. It's selfless, kind, and generally a positive emotion. Feelings come from the Force, so it's not - it cannot be - bad. What the Jedi Order does not understand is that it is possible to feel emotions without letting them overcome and control you. That's what you're learning to do.
"The Jedi fear emotion. I suspect Obi-Wan does, too, to some extent. Fear is the path to the Dark Side, Drinna. Don't forget that. The Jedi's vision is clouded by their fear of accepting emotions as valid and real. As your Master, I'm going to be teaching you how to deal with emotions and become the best Jedi you can be. You can't avoid emotion, but you can channel it and learn what is healthy and what is not.
"We're going to start working soon on how to do that. You need to first recognize the emotions you are feeling and find their source, why you feel the way you feel. Then you accept that feeling as part of you. And then you let it dissolve, give it over to the Force.
"As long as you don't let your emotions control you, you'll be alright, Drinna."
Drinna breathed slowly now, calmer than she had been before.
"Wow." Master Lergo smiled.
"Do you feel better?"
"Yeah."
"I helped you follow this pattern just barely. We'll get into it more in detail later. But for now, I think there's someone who wants to see you. I'll escort you to your room so you can talk."
The trip was short. Master Lergo and Drinna lived near each other on account of the new bond between Master and Padawan.
Obi-Wan was waiting outside of Drinna's door, a pained look on his face.
"Drinna, I'm so sorry!" he cried, rushing to her and hugging her, lifting her off the ground.
"It's okay, Obi-Wan," Drinna said when Obi-Wan set her down. "Why don't we go talk in my room?" Obi-Wan nodded and the two went in to talk.