A/N: And I'm back with another chapter! Thank you all so much for reading! Your comments bring me great joy.
I had to pull from Season 5 of the Clone Wars to understand a little of how this chapter would work. You'll see further on.
I hope you enjoy! And not to worry, there is a solution - and an old friend - next chapter.
Anakin was nearly dragging Obi-Wan to the Creche. He'd been happier in the past weeks under Drinna's tutelage than Obi-Wan had ever seen. And he loved his time in the Creche.
Perhaps Drinna had been right. Maybe Anakin's studies shouldn't focus so much on fighting, but on those in the Creche.
"Obi-Wan?" Anakin asked, stopping at the doors of the Creche. Drinna was running late today, it seemed.
"Yes, Anakin?" Obi-Wan replied, raising a brow.
"Why is everyone so afraid here?" Obi-Wan blinked, not sure if he'd heard Anakin correctly.
"No one is afraid, Anakin. What makes you say that?"
"Just something Drinna said," Anakin said with a shrug. "I've been noticing more and more my emotions… and sometimes other people's emotions."
"What did she say?" Obi-Wan asked, turning to face his Padawan fully.
"Just that the Jedi don't like emotion and they try to squash it which is why there are very few true Force Empaths and - Drinna!" The boy waved as the other Padawan jogged up to them.
"I'm so sorry that I'm late!" Drinna said when she finally stopped near them. "Master Windu and I were discussing one of Master Lergo's theories… well, more debating, but I lost track of time."
"No worries, Drinna," Obi-Wan said, placing a hand on her shoulder and smiling at her. "Your time with your Master is more important than these lessons."
"Oh, but it's also my time in the Creche, Obi-Wan, and I wouldn't miss it for the world!"
"Well then, we should go in." Obi-Wan waved the door open and waited for Anakin to enter before he grabbed Drinna. "You need to be careful what you say to Anakin, Drinna," he warned. "What you're saying is the beginning of defection from the Order."
"No, Obi-Wan, I'm merely pointing out flaws. If he is the Chosen One that will bring balance to the Force, he needs to find balance in himself first, I've told you this before!"
"But he does not need to go around thinking that everyone here is afraid of emotion, Drinna! None of us are, we just have learned to let go."
"No, you've learned to force it away, bottle it up. It's dangerous and it makes you heartless at times. To have emotion is to be, in a sense, human. While I may not be a human, I still am a part of humanity. Without emotion, where will we be? Stuck in a loop of logic. If we focus on logic, where will we be? Blinded by emotions. The Jedi are on one end of the spectrum, the Sith on the other. Balance is in between."
"Only a Sith deals in absolutes, Drinna."
"That, in and of itself, Obi-Wan, was an absolute. Now I really need to go to the Creche and start Anakin's next lesson."
Drinna ripped herself from Obi-Wan's grasp and marched into the room, the door sliding shut behind her.
Obi-Wan shook his head, rubbing his temples. Drinna didn't know the heresy in her words. She was going down a path of danger. Allowing emotions? That was not something the Jedi taught. It would lead her to the Dark Side. Down a path he could not - would not - follow.
Obi-Wan sighed and straightened, forcing his worry away. He was a stone column, unmoved expect by the will of the Force.
But did he want that?
Obi-Wan shook his head again. Drinna's thoughts were getting to him. He couldn't let them. He wouldn't leave the Order again.
But was Drinna really proposing leaving the Order? No. She only talked of changing it, bettering it. Many of the older Masters would disagree with her, set in their ways, but… was change bad? Or did those Masters really fear change? Was pushing emotion away really bad?
Before he could think any further, Obi-Wan entered the room. Anakin and Drinna were playing with the younglings, laughing and having a good time.
Drinna's thoughts couldn't be all bad. After all, Anakin was becoming a better person, more open to the Force. And to change. To letting go. He would be a Jedi yet.
Obi-Wan wasn't sure if that was because of his own efforts anymore.
"Breathe, Anakin," I said, forcing myself to keep my eyes closed. "If you want to attempt to rid yourself of any emotion, you have to be breathing properly first."
Anakin huffed, by tried to do as I had asked.
"That's better. Now reach out with the Force. Recognize everything in the room."
"Everything?"
"Yes, Anakin. You need to learn to rely on the Force but also when to rely on yourself. When I got my kyber crystal, I was overwhelmed with emotion and I tried to let the Force do it all. I had to follow my own instinct instead, otherwise I would have drowned. And I couldn't do that," I said, opening my eyes and looking at Anakin who was staring at me with wide eyes, "without breathing properly and calmly. Start again."
I reached out with the Force, sensing each of the children. I allowed myself a small smile. Some of them were imitating us, the rest were running around rambunctiously. Anakin had since learned what distractions to keep out of his mind during meditation. Another good thing about working in the Creche.
Obi-Wan's presence was small, but troubled. He himself had never tried to join in, merely observing, but I knew our conversation had gotten to him. Emotions were not a comfortable topic among the Jedi. It had gotten Master Lergo in trouble in the past.
It would likely get me in trouble as well.
The door slid open and Anakin kept breathing. A Padawan slipped in the room, hesitated upon seeing me, and made his way over.
"Padawan Berrik?" he whispered. "I'm Ferus Olin. I've been sent to take over for you in the Creche today."
"I wasn't aware that my shift was being transferred for the day, Padawan Olin," I replied with a frown. "May I ask why you are taking over?"
"The Council wishes to speak with you and Master Kenobi. Immediately." I looked to Obi-Wan. He stared back, his eyes ridden with poorly disguised worry. Had he jumped to the conclusion I had?
"Very well. Is Padawan Skywalker to join us?"
"No. The Council didn't ask for him." I stood, bowing to Ferus and touched Anakin lightly on the shoulder. He startled, but looked at me quizzically.
"Obi-Wan and I will be back. For now, just enjoy your time in the Creche. Don't try to sort out your emotions on your own."
Anakin nodded and Obi-Wan and I left.
I sighed as we walked, knowing that this meeting wasn't likely to be pleasant.
"Drinna," Obi-Wan said suddenly. "Thank you."
"For what, Obi-Wan?" I asked, glancing at him. He kept his gaze straight ahead.
"For helping Anakin. I may not agree with all that has apparently been said, but you've done a lot of good for the boy. He's the happiest I've ever seen him and he's more open to… everything. I doubt I could have done that for him."
"Obi-Wan-" I started. He held up his hand, smiling sadly at me.
"Drinna, you are an incredible woman. You've been through a lot, and as such you are able to help so much more. If, once this meeting is over, you would tell me your theories on emotion, the Force, anything… I would be honored to hear them and discuss with you."
We had stopped in the hallway, a few Jedi milling about us. I was touched that Obi-Wan was willing to talk to me about it… but I had a feeling that the meeting would not go well.
"Thank you, Obi-Wan," I finally said. "We should get going."
The rest of the walk was in silence. It wasn't a tense silence, merely a content one.
Temple Guards waited outside the Council room.
"What?" I heard Obi-Wan breathe out.
The Guards let us pass, following us as we entered the room and set up station on either side of the antechamber doors.
Master Windu was waiting for us.
"Padawan, Kenobi, thank you for your prompt arrival. The Council would like to speak with you both briefly."
This is about Anakin, isn't it? I asked.
The slight nod Master Windu gave me sent chills up my spine. The only reason I would be here was if they believed I had something to do with… whatever was going on.
We walked in the room and Master Windu took a seat. I felt my jaw start to drop and shut it quickly. The full Council was here.
"Padawan Berrik. Master Kenobi," Master Plo Koon said, his elbows resting on his arm rests as he sat forward, fingers touching. "We have called you here to speak about Padawan Anakin Skywalker. Master Windu has told us what was relayed to him. We would like the full story."
Obi-Wan and I looked at each other, unsure as to who would talk first. Obi-Wan gestured to me, raising an eyebrow.
I opened my mouth-
"I, for one," Master Even Piell said, "am curious to know what exactly this Padawan is teaching his Padawan. She had a strange Master. How much of that indoctrination is being passed on?"
I bristled, but exhaled to let the anger out. Anger would not help me if I let it cloud me.
"I am sorry that you are not able to respect those who have joined the Force, Master Piell," I said slowly, looking at him as calmly as I could, "but what concerns me most is that you feel Master Lergo was 'strange' and 'indoctrinating' me. As a Force Empath, I have been given a different path than the rest of the Jedi. Thus, I have needed other ways to deal with problems. Master Lergo's methods were not strange, Master Piell. They were survival. They were necessary. They were what a Jedi aspires to be."
"But she taught you to focus on your emotions," Master Kit Fisto said curiously. "That is against our Code."
"Recite for us the Code, Padawan Berrik," Master Plo Koon said, leaning back in his chair.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
"There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force."
"Know the Code, do you, but understand, you do not," Master Yoda said. My eyes snapped open.
"The Code says 'there is no emotion,' Padawan Berrik," Master Piell said. "You cannot justify what Master Lergo has taught you, nor what you are teaching the Chosen One."
"If I may, Masters," I said, struggling to not clench my fists. "Is there not an alternate Code that is taught to the younglings?"
The Masters murmured to themselves and Obi-Wan eyed me critically.
"This is true," Master Windu said. "Perhaps you could remind us of that Code?" I nodded to my Master.
"Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force."
"An interesting point, Padawan," Master Windu said, a hint of a smile in his voice.
"This is getting us nowhere!" Master Piell said, clenching his fists. "We are here to discuss the Chosen One, not how corrupted this Padawan is."
"You forget, Master Piel, that she is my Padawan. I would not have taken her on if I believed her to be in the wrong."
I bowed to Master Windu. As I straightened, I glanced around the room. They were contemplating.
Master Yoda sighed.
"Master Kenobi, if you could wait outside, we would hear Padawan Berrik's side of the issue first," Master Plo Koon said after a few moments. Obi-Wan bowed and retreated to the antechamber. "Tell us, Padawan Berrik, how you came to be a mentor for young Skywalker."
"I was meditating. Master Kenobi joined me when he and Padawan Skywalker returned from Carnelion IV. Padawan Skywalker had expressed desire, before the mission, to leave the Order. He had spoken mere hours before to the Chancellor, so I was suspicious, but I suppose that is beside the point. My apologies, Masters."
I took a deep breath, reaching out with the Force as I felt a nudge. It was Obi-Wan. I gently shoved him away.
"Master Kenobi expressed concern that Padawan Skywalker was still attached to his mother and that he feared losing her. I offered my help in dealing with emotions. Master Kenobi agreed and we set the first lesson for when I have my time in the Creche. I thought it would do Padawan Skywalker some good to be around the younglings."
"Why is that?" Master Windu asked.
"Because he has become attached to them, Master Windu, as I suspected he would."
"Forbidden, attachments are," Master Yoda said.
"Master Yoda is right, my Padawan. Why would you put him in a position of more fear?"
"The younglings will grow up, Masters. Padawan Skywalker will be around many of them, perhaps developing friendships with them. It will allow him to learn to let go of attachments."
Masters Windu, Koon, and Fisto were nodding. Master Piell just glared. Master Yoda, on the other hand, was gazing at me thoughtfully.
"Wise, this is." I bowed to Master Yoda. "To teach young Skywalker of emotion, it is not."
"With all due respect, Master Yoda, emotions should not be feared."
"Jedi do not fear!" Master Piell protested.
Master Windu silenced him with a wave of his hand, looking at me intently, his eyes narrowed.
"What do you mean?"
I took a deep breath. This would most likely not go well.
"The formal Jedi Code speaks that there is no emotion, but this is not true, Master Windu. It is in our nature to feel emotions, just as it is in our nature to be in tune with the Force. The Jedi teach wrongfully that there is no emotion and it causes an intense fear in the younglings and Padawans as they learn. Emotions, when bottled up, can lead you to freeze on the battlefield. They can cause you to explode or go insane. Fear is often one of the most potent emotions because it is all around us. The Jedi are letting this fear cloud their judgement, Masters. We all need to learn how to properly let go, but no one recognizes the importance of emotion. You cannot ignore it."
"But it is the Jedi way," Master Gallia said incredulously. "What you suggest is heresy."
Murmurs broke out among the Council again.
"Padawan Berrik, if you would wait in the antechamber," Master Windu said, slumping back in his chair.
He felt, as I did, that this was not going to be good.
I bowed once more and exited the Council chamber. Obi-Wan stood and I let go of my composure and sighed.
"Is everything alright?" he asked, ushering me to the seats.
"I may have just condemned myself," I muttered, my head in my hands. I glanced at the Temple Guards. Why in the Force were they here?
"Well that can't be good."
I hummed, rubbing my temples.
"When is talk of emotion ever good?" I asked.
"Well, it certainly isn't good, but not condemning."
"I may have accused the entire Order of living in fear of emotions."
Obi-Wan spluttered. It took him a minute to regain his composure.
"What?"
"It wasn't smart, but I couldn't not say it. If the Order is to become better, they need to know what is wrong."
"Why in the Force would you think that?" Obi-Wan asked. The couch shifted as he stood and his feet tread on the carpet.
"I'll tell you later," I said, sitting up and composing myself rapidly. "Master Windu is on his way to speak to me."
Sure enough, Master Windu exited the Council Chamber, looking tired.
"Padawan, if you would join me outside?" I stood and patted Obi-Wan on the shoulder as I followed my Master. The Temple Guards followed a few feet behind.
"They're arresting me, aren't they?" I asked quietly when the door had slid shut behind us. Master Windu sighed.
"Yes. That was not a smart move you made back there."
"No, but a necessary one."
I agree, Master Windu replied through our connection. But you must be more tactful than that in the future.
"I cannot stop them from arresting you, Padawan," Master Windu said out loud, placing a hand on my shoulder, "but I did manage to convince them to let you retain your Padawan status for the time being. There will be a trial later, one which I am not allowed to rule in."
"I understand, Master. I will go quietly."
"Thank you, Drinna," Master Windu said softly, frowning down at me. "And I am sorry." He walked past me and entered the antechamber.
One of the Temple Guards held out a hand for my lightsaber, and I handed it to him, staring ahead. The other one grabbed hold of my elbow.
"I said I will go quietly and I will," I said. "You do not need to worry." The hold on my arm was released. "Shall we?"
Obi-Wan was, to say the least, confused when Master Windu returned to the antechamber alone. He paused his pacing in shock.
"Master Windu-"
"The Council would like to speak with you, Kenobi," Master Windu said, walking towards the opposite doors. "I suggest you be more tactful than my Padawan was."
Obi-Wan sighed and placed an emotionless mask over his face. He trusted Drinna… but sometimes emotions got in the way. They would get in the way now.
Master Windu took a seat and Obi-Wan bowed to the Council.
"Master Kenobi," Master Piell began, "how did Padawan Berrik come to be a mentor for your Padawan?"
"Anakin had been showing fear for some time and before the mission to Carnelion IV, he wanted to leave the Order. I-"
"Mention this, Padawan Berrik did," Master Yoda said. "Her suspicions, she did share."
"About the Chancellor?" Obi-Wan asked. Master Windu and Master Yoda exchanged looks.
"Yes. Can you tell us why she suspects the Chancellor of corrupting Anakin?" Master Windu asked, leaning forward.
"I don't know the full reasons, but I suspect she has sensed something about him and does not trust him. But she has never met the man-"
"She met him after the Battle for Naboo," Master Windu countered.
"I mean that she has never had a conversation with the man. If I recall correctly, the Chancellor ignored her in favor of Anakin. He's shown great interest in Anakin's progress."
Master Windu hummed and sat back in his chair, glancing at Master Yoda. Master Windu waved a hand and Obi-Wan continued his story.
"After Carnelion IV, I was concerned and did not know what to do. I went to Drinna, as she has experience dealing with emotions. She offered her help and I took it."
"Her thoughts are heresy," Master Gallia said. Master Piell nodded his agreement.
"Maybe so," Obi-Wan said with a shrug. He considered his next words carefully. "But there is truth to her words, though I have not heard the greater part of them."
"What makes you say that?" Master Mundi asked.
Obi-Wan took a deep breath, taking a moment to gather his thoughts.
"Anakin, as you know, has been full of fear since he first left Tatooine. Drinna, in her lessons, has been helping him search himself for the source of the fear, acknowledge it, and let go. His fear is not gone. It has only been two months, after all. But I have never seen him this… happy and open with the Force. He's changed, for the better I think."
The Council considered his words for a time.
"And you believe Drinna is the… source of this openness?" Master Windu asked.
"No," Obi-Wan said slowly. "Merely a conduit. A way for Anakin to learn to let go. She was wise, I believe, to have Anakin take his lessons in the Creche. He still struggles with attachment, but in time he will learn to let go - of his fear and of his attachments."
"Thank you, Master Kenobi," Master Windu said after a few moments of contemplative silence. "If you would wait in the antechamber, the Council would like to discuss the matter."