Phoenix, the poor man, just stared at them blankly.
"What?"
"Let me explain-" Miles began, but immediately was cut off.
"Edgeworth's my brother!" Maya repeated. "Turns out my Mom hid these secret secret boxes (that's secrets inside secrets) and there's this really cute picture of him as a baby and he's my big brother!"
Accepting that resistance would be futile, all Miles could do was grit his teeth and watch the inevitable unfold.
"Wait." Phoenix said, causing Maya to pause her rambling. That could be done? "You're telling me that you're brother and sister? How's that even possible?!"
Maya seemed to still be muted, so Miles took his chance.
"Yes, act-"
SLAM!
"HEY PALS!"
All three expressed their feelings simultaneously.
"Gumshoe?!"
"Detective Gumshoe!"
"FOR GOD'S SAKE!"
Could Miles jump out of the window now? Was that allowed?
"Mr Edgeworth!" The large addition to their company bellowed. "I've been looking all over for you, and I think I'm just in time by the looks of it! You left the letter in your office so I brought it as quickly as I could."
Forget jumping through the window himself, could he please push Gumshoe out. "Detective?"
"Ye-"
"Shut. Up."
"Noted, I'm sorry Sir. But-"
"Ah!"
"The le-"
"Ah!"
Gumshoe saluted apologetically. Miles did not feel remorse.
"What the hell?!"
Right. The others were still there. Phoenix looked ready to explode.
"First of all," he began, "Hi Detective Gumshoe."
Gumshoe waved.
"Second of all, brother? Since when?"
Miles hung his head.
"For all I know, YOU-" Phoenix continued, pointing at Miles for emphasis (not unlike how he did in court), "YOUR DAD was killed in DL-6! There was a whole thing about that!"
Nobody needed reminding.
"Ohhh, 'Don't forget DL-6'" He mocked, but it sounded almost like… a whine? "I had to cross-examine a freakin' parrot!"
That parrot still haunted the dreams of both lawyers in the room.
"And then you!" Now his finger accused Maya. "Your Mom was murdered just over a week ago!"
After seeing the reactions of both Miles and Maya (hell, even Gumshoe) after that latest part, Phoenix lowered his voice a little.
"Sorry. I just can't see how they could be related in any way. It doesn't make sense! Okay, I admit you didn't even know it was your Mom until after she was murdered- honestly who would've guessed it was a children's author, right? Maybe if she'd kept her name after DL-6 then- oh."
His head comically turned to look at Maya, then Miles. Maya, then back to him. Then Gumshoe, because why not, and then back to him.
Phoenix laughed quietly. "I'm an idiot."
Maya snorted. "I can't believe it took you so long to figure it out!" She teased. "And you call yourself a lawyer."
Said lawyer appeared to be deeply offended by this remark. "Hey, you didn't figure it out either! You had to be told!"
"Actually," Maya countered, "I did figure it out, and Edgeworth just confirmed it for me. TAKE THAT!"
"That's- That's not how that works…" Phoenix groaned, facepalming.
Maya then firmly placed her hands on her hips to… assert dominance?
"Well that's what you-"
"As interesting as it is to know who is the smarter of the two of you," Miles interrupted, "I think you're both missing the point here." He glared at Phoenix when he said that, because that's what he was currently most concerned about.
"What point?" Asked Wright, crossing his arms.
Miles had thought it was obvious. "I'm- Maya and I share parents? That entire shebang?"
"What about it?" Phoenix asked, still nonplussed as ever, and seemingly oblivious to what Miles was hinting at. Then a wide smile gradually cracked open on his face. He looked towards Maya again. "You can leech off Edgeworth's pockets now! He's got loads more money than me, oh the freedom!"
"Never gonna happen, Nick."
"Damn it. Worth a shot."
"That's it?!" Miles exclaimed in frustration. "No denial, n-no shouting, no accusations… Do you understand what any of this means?! Any of you?!"
All three shook their heads guiltily.
"I- My entire life I… ugh, forget it." He rubbed his temples briefly. The others were still in stunned silence. "Thank you for coming, Detective, but your services aren't needed. Go home."
Standing up, Gumshoe looked down at him sympathetically, and almost protectively. "O-Okay Sir. Take care of yourself." He started to make his way out, but paused at the door.
"...Are you sure you don't want the le-"
"Yes. Go home."
Awkward silence. Gumshoe still seemed hesitant.
"Alright, uh, see ya pals." He eventually said, shutting the door gently behind him.
Nobody said anything for a good few minutes after he left. Maya looked at the shiny floorboards, deep in thought. Phoenix looked confused, didn't bother to admire his handiwork like Maya was. Miles, flustered from his sudden outburst, was the one to finally break the silence.
He sighed. He was just tired. It had been a very emotionally draining 24 hours and… he knew it would be idiotic to not heed Gumshoe's advice at a time like this. He didn't trust himself when he was alone. When he felt this broken.
"...I wouldn't mind that coffee now, Wright."
Phoenix looked up at him. His expression made it feel like, somehow, he understood.
"Sure." He said, moving to grab his coat. "Let's go."
"I'm gonna stay here." Whispered Maya. "I feel a little worn out."
"I think we all feel like that." Phoenix laughed, but didn't have much humour in his voice. "I'll be back soon."
Miles silently thanked him for not saying "we". He was utterly exhausted.
Wright smiled at him, and for some reason, Miles felt his tense body begin to loosen up and relax. Phoenix Wright wasn't involved with any of this "brother" business directly, which he was also thankful for. An escape.
"Ready Edgeworth?"
Miles frowned but didn't mean it. He picked up his briefcase. "Yes."
"...I wish I could've filmed it." Phoenix remarked out of nowhere.
"Filmed what?" Miles asked.
"You admitted to wanting coffee, tea-loving ass."
Maya guffawed. Miles blushed.
"Shut up, Wright."
He had to drag Phoenix out of the door, as Maya's endless snickers became muffled.
He was never going to admit it to Wright, but he had no intention of ordering coffee from the beginning. Coffee-loving moron.