Jazax drummed his hands against the char-covered iron helmet in his lap as he waited. To his side, Zeek had finished adjusting his goggles and was busy shoving as many spare sticks of dynamite as he could into the waistband of his shorts. Jazax was pretty sure they'd once been trousers, but the pant legs had gotten either burned or blown off at some point. Behind them, Dezzak was standing on a crate, silently pouring a large sack of gunpowder into the massive barrel strapped to Jazax's back.
A third goblin wearing a bandolier of dynamite across his chest approached, busying himself with adjusting the bandolier so it was even across his chest. He lacked the various scars and singes of his compatriots, and the nervous look in his eyes was evidence enough that this guy wouldn't make it past the day.
Jazax didn't want to pay him any mind. No point. He was only temporary. But Zeek, ever the optimist, finished shoving dynamite in his pants and looked over at the newcomer. Jazax groaned, knowing that acknowledgement of his presence was all it'd take the new guy to start talking to them. And sure enough...
"So you two are the, um, the old timers everyone's been talkin' about?" He asked, looking between them both, "What'd you two do to get so famous?"
"We haven't died yet," Zeek grinned, earning a quizzical look.
"I see? That's impressive, I guess? Oh, right. Introductions. My name's Wirt Fizzlefuse."
"Oh yeah?" Zeek nodded in disinterest, "Like the rich Fizzlefuses of Blackwater Cove?"
"The very same!" Wirt grinned proudly.
Jazax rolled his eyes, intending to stay out of the conversation. The last thing he needed to do before work was talk to some spoiled rich kid. It was souring the pre-explosion period.
"Jeez, what're you doin' as a sapper?" Zeek furrowed his brow, "You got money, don'tcha?"
"Well, yeah! We're rich!"
"Right, so you got somethin' to live for. Weird you'd end up here, then."
Wirt's eyebrow rose, his expression one of confusion, but Zeek kept talking.
"Well, anyway, I'm Zeek Rapidsnap and that over there is my buddy Jazax."
"What's the family name?" Wirt asked, but Zeek shook his head.
Jazax wrinkled his nose, glancing aside. Why did they always have to ask that?
"He don't got one."
"How come?"
"Well, I guess you could say he's sorta like an orph-"
"My parents sold me to the Cartel as a baby," Jazax sniffed, as he briskly set his helmet on his head, "Borrowed money but couldn't pay back the debt."
"Oh," Wirt rubbed his neck sheepishly, "Sorry for bringin' it up-"
"It's whatever. I don't care. But, y'know, there's an important lesson there."
"Huh? Lesson?"
"Yeah," Jazax nodded, "Always account for interest."
"...And finished," Dezzak sighed, sealing the barrel closed, "You guys are all good to go."
"Sheesh! About time, Topnozzle!" Zeek crossed his arms, "You're gettin' slower at this every time. Ain't you supposed to be gettin' faster with experience?"
"One would think," Dezzak shrugged, "But every time I have to do this, I'm more and more convinced you two are gonna explode in the middle of things."
"We're not naturally explosive," Zeek grumbled, adjusting his dynamite-filled pants, "Not yet anyway."
"Hey, Dez, you should engineer somethin' for that," Jazax grinned, earning a roll of the eyes.
"Sure, Jazax, I'll put it on the docket. Right after your previously requested self-extending workstation."
Jazax squinted, turning in his seat so he could look at Dezzak past the barrel.
"You bein' funny with me, Topnozzle?"
In response, Dezzak crossed his arms.
"I don't take orders from sappers, alright? You guys are paid to explode yourselves, you're not exactly high status around here."
"Wait, what?" Wirt furrowed his brow, "We're supposed to explode...ourselves?"
The other three goblins looked over at him flatly. Just how rich and removed from reality was this guy that he'd never even seen sappers in action before?
"Not technically the goal, but pretty much," Zeek nodded, "What'd you think I was sticking these things in my pants for? My own amusement?"
"I dunno, Wirt shrugged nervously, "I thought we'd, like, throw 'em from far off or somethin' like that."
"Nope," Jazax shook his head, "We're gonna run straight at the walls and, then...boom!"
He made an explosion with his hands for emphasis, grinning as Wirt grew pale.
"W-Wait," He said as he quickly grabbed Dezzak by the shoulders, "You gotta reassign me to engineering! Somethin' else! Anything! I'll even be a janitor!"
Dezzak pulled Wirt's hands off of him before smoothing down his clothes.
"Listen, kid, it ain't my business and it ain't my problem. I'm just an engineer. I ain't in charge of assignments."
"But I'm gonna die if I stay with these guys," Wirt frowned, gesturing wildly to the two grinning sappers.
Dezzak just shrugged in disinterest.
"Sucks for you," He said before turning to leave.
Wirt blinked at him for a moment before holding out a hand.
"Wait!" He shrieked desperately, his voice cracking, "You help me out, and I'll pay you!"
Dezzak paused, glancing back.
"How much?"
Wirt thought about it for a moment before responding.
"Ten gold pieces!"
"A measly ten gold?" Dezzak snorted, "Pass."
He turned to leave again but Wirt held out his hand once more.
"Fifteen!"
Dezzak stopped again.
"Five hundred gold, or no deal."
"Five hundred?! No way! You know how many things I could buy with five hundred gold?!"
"Betcha can't buy much if you're a stain at the bottom of some wall," Dezzak shrugged.
Zeek and Jazax looked at each other in amusement at the scene laying out before them. Wirt looked down in thought for a minute before giving his counter-offer.
"One hundred gold."
"Five hundred."
"Two hundred, final offer."
Dezzak shook his head.
"Five hundred gold, or no deal," He repeated.
Wirt scoffed and crossed his arms.
"I'd rather die than pay five hundred gold for anything!"
"Guess you'll die," Dezzak shrugged before turning away one final time.
Wirt didn't stop him. His shoulder slumped and his head hung forward, the telltale signs of a goblin who had given up. This made both Jazax and Zeek grin like madmen. They gave each other a tacit nod before slinking up on either side of Wirt.
"Say, Fizzlefuse," Jazax began, "We couldn't help overhearin' your little conversation with Dezzak back there."
"So sorry your deal didn't work out," Zeek added.
"Yeah well, don't you worry, buddy," Jazax said as he patted Wirt on the shoulder, "We'll make sure you blow up in a manner fittin' of a guy of your wealth."
"Speakin' of wealth…" Zeek tapped his chin innocently, "How much was it you offered Topnozzle? Two hundred gold?"
Wirt nodded glumly, still not catching their drift.
"Say, y'know," Jazax cleared his throat, "I bet any goblin in their right mind would be willin' to help you for two hundred gold."
"Topnozzle ain't in his right mind," Zeek chimed in.
"Huh?" Wirt perked an eyebrow, "What, you guys sayin' you'll help me get reassigned?"
"Sure, sure," Jazax smiled, "For two hundred gold."