"Hedy! Hedy!" called out Patsy excitedly.
The short redhead was rushing through Hedy Wolfe's lavish house, hurriedly seeking out her best friend. She was wearing capri jeans with a yellow blouse and matching yellow high tops. She was flush in the face and out of breath by the time she found Hedy and her friends out relaxing by the pool. Nancy Brown, Millicent Collins, and Patsy's boyfriend Buzz Baxter were all among them.
"Guys!" she continued through her panting, "Guys! Guys, I got in!"
"Congrats, babe," said Buzz lazily.
"Got in what?" asked Millie.
"ESU!" she chirped excitedly, "They accepted me!"
"Empire State University?" clarified Hedy.
"Yeah!" beamed Patsy, "Isn't that great? I can't wait to study-"
"Patsy," said Hedy disappointedly, shaking her head, "Patsy, Patsy, Patsy…"
"What?" asked Patsy, concerned.
"You would throw away your acting career?" continued Hedy, getting up and approaching Patsy, "Just like that?"
"I'm not throwing away-"
"No?" interrupted Hedy, "Then what do you call missing out on countless roles while you waste time in some stuffy old dormitory?"
"Well," said Patsy nervously, "I just figured that-"
"I thought this way of life meant something to you, Patsy," continued Hedy, "I thought we meant something to you."
"You do matter to me!" insisted Patsy, "Why would you say-"
"If we really mattered to you," said Hedy, "you wouldn't run away to New York. You'd stay here with us."
"But… but…" stammered Patsy, "I'll come back. I'll visit!"
"Sure, you say that now," said Hedy, "but what happens when you have your shiny new degree and want to move on from us?"
"I'd never do that!"
"Then why are you running away from us now?"
"I… I…" began Patsy.
Patsy weakly looked at the faces of everyone in the room. She had so many memories with them. She and Hedy had done sitcoms together as kids. She and Buzz had just reached their 1 year anniversary. Even Millie and Nancy had been with Patsy since she was little. They all had gone to private school together for their entire lives. Hedy was right, she couldn't throw all that away.
"You're right," conceded Patsy, "I should stay here. I was just being stupid."
"You sure were," snorted Nancy.
Patsy frowned and looked at her feet.
"I'll just…" she said slowly, "I'll just tell them I can't accept."
Patsy turned and went to leave. She was nearly out of the room when Hedy rushed up to her and grabbed the belt loops on either side of her jeans.
"Hedy, what are you-!? HEY!"
Hedy had successfully pantsed Patsy from behind, putting her white high-waisted briefs on full display. Hedy smiled smugly as Nancy and Millie broke out into laughter. Patsy turned bright red as she squealed and reached down to pull her pants back up. She was in such a rush that she threw herself off balance, tripping forward and landing ass in the air with her pants around her ankles. The laughter got louder.
"That's what you get for almost abandoning us!" sneered Hedy.
"Come on, Patsy!" groaned Buzz in embarrassment, "How did you fall for that!?"
Patsy scrambled back up to her feet and hoisted her jeans up as high as she could, stretching the fabric up past her belly in the process. She winced at the wedgie it caused, but she didn't want to risk Hedy pantsing her again.
"Yeah, Patsy," laughed Millie, "Don't ever leave. I'd really miss this."
Patsy half smiled. That was nice to hear at least.
"So…" began Patsy, "I guess I should start auditioning for shows again, huh?"
"Don't worry," assured Hedy with a firm hand on Patsy's shoulder, "I have just the audition lined up for you."
Several years later…
"Prisoner coming in!" shouted a guard on the other side of the door.
A buzzer sounded as the metal door opened. Felicia Hardy walked in, escorted by several guards. She wasn't as recognizable as she normally was. Her undercut had grown out into a messy pixie cut and her face and hands were visibly burnt from her last altercation with She-Hulk.
The guards sat Felicia at the table across from Jennifer Walters. Felicia stared at Jennifer expressionlessly as the guards walked out of the room and closed the door behind them. Several more seconds of time passed before either of them spoke.
"You deserve to rot in here," said Jennifer plainly.
"Excellent start," said Felicia, "I'm definitely more inclined to listen to you after hearing you say that."
"Shut up," said Jennifer, "I'm here to help you."
Felicia scoffed.
"I'm not happy about it," said Jennifer, "I assure you."
"You here to offer me a plea deal?" asked Felicia.
"Something I can go to the D.A. with," affirmed Jennifer.
"In exchange for what?"
Jennifer brought her briefcase up and onto the table and clicked it open. She retrieved a manilla folder and began to lay the papers kept inside out on the table. They were all bank statements and similar documents pertaining to a company known as Atlas.
"We know your payment came through Atlas," said Jennifer, "and I know that Hedy was the one who paid you."
"What if she was?"
"Then testimony against her would be very valuable," continued Jennifer, "It'll open the floodgates for other cases against her, including-"
"I want full immunity," said Felicia, "from everything."
"...I can't do that."
"Some lawyer you are."
"Do you honestly think I can convince the D.A. to drop the charges against you AND get the New York D.A.'s Office to treat your crimes as time served?"
"Sounds like a good idea to me."
"Come on, Felicia," sighed Jennifer, "That's absurd."
"That's the price of my testimony," said Felicia, "Take it or leave it."
"I don't know what I expected," sighed Jennifer, gathering the papers and returning them to her briefcase, "Have a good day, Felicia."
"If you see that dorky redhead," added Felicia as Jennifer got up to leave, "Tell her I said 'hi.'"
Jennifer glared back at Felicia one last time before leaving.
Patsy was standing in a waiting area at the front of the prison. Jennifer walked briskly through the room and out the front door. Patsy hurried after her.
"Jen!" she said, "How'd it go? Will she give us anything?"
"No," said Jennifer as they arrived at their rental car, "She won't give us anything unless she gets immunity."
"And?" asked Patsy as they got inside and Jennifer started the engine.
"Even if that weren't a completely asinine thing to demand from us," said Jennifer, "the D.A. would never go for it."
They were driving down the road on their way back to the city now.
"Can you blame her?" shrugged Patsy, "She's in there for life. That's got to be an awful feeling."
"You're kidding, right?" said Jennifer, raising an eyebrow, "You remember what she did to you?"
"Yeah," said Patsy, "but it's not like she killed anybody, right? I can understand why she might think she deserves another chance."
"She's been given too many chances as it is."
"Maybe we should change the subject," suggested Patsy, noticing Jennifer's knuckles tense on the steering wheel.
"It's a moot point," sighed Jennifer, "That was our last lead for pinning this on Hedy. Now we've got nothing. I can keep looking, but as long as Felicia's in prison, I don't know if we can legally tie Hedy to any of this."
They continued to drive in silence for a bit. Jennifer noted the gas gauge nearing E and began looking for a gas station. She finally found one and pulled into it. She got out and began to pump the gas when she heard Patsy's seat belt click. She turned around to see her friend getting out of the car.
"What's up?" asked Jennifer.
"I just thought I'd grab some snacks," said Patsy, "You want anything?"
"Sure," said Jennifer, "Grab me a pack of spearmint gum."
"Aye-aye," said Patsy, trotting off to the gas station's convenience store.
Jennifer was very fond of Patsy, but sometimes she had trouble understanding her. The poor girl had been through more humiliation and degradation in the past year than most people could even conceive of having over their entire lives. Still, she was so cheery and optimistic. She was the kind of girl who still made sure they had snacks even when things were as bad as this.
What really confused Jennifer was Patsy's attitude towards Felicia. Felicia was a complete sociopath. That woman ruined people's lives without a second thought. She had stolen Patsy's suit and powers, wrecked her self-esteem, and bulldozed what little was left of the poor girl's reputation. Not to mention the brutal beating she gave her. How could Patsy possibly feel bad for her after all that?
Jennifer returned the pump to its holster and looked for Patsy. It was strange that it was taking her this long to get snacks, but then again she was easily distracted. Jennifer waited for another few minutes before walking into the convenience store to check on her. She looked around, but couldn't find her. She approached the cashier.
"Excuse me," she said, "but did a short redhead come by here and buy spearmint gum just now?"
"You mean Patsy Walker?" smiled the cashier excitedly, "You know her?"
"Where is she?" asked Jennifer.
"It was strange," said the cashier, "she asked if she could leave through our back exit. She seemed to be in a hurry."
Shit… thought Jennifer, She wouldn't…
Several years ago…
"You ready?" asked Hedy.
"Sure am!" smiled Patsy.
Patsy had put a lot of work into her outfit that day. She was wearing a bright yellow knee-length dress, blue heels, and a matching blue ribbon in her hair. Her hair was full and fine that day, having been carefully washed and done that morning. Her makeup was sharp and on point as well, making her facial features pop just the right way for a camera.
"I've never auditioned for a talk show before," said Patsy excitedly, "It's fun, but I am a little nervous."
"Don't be," smiled Hedy, "We'll be there to support you, right girls?"
"Yup!" chimed in Nancy and Millie.
"Where's Buzz?" asked Patsy.
"Oh, he said he had a thing," dismissed Hedy, "Don't worry about it. He'll get to see you all the time once you're on the show."
"You really think I'll make it?"
"Absolutely," assured Hedy.
"Alright then…" said Patsy, trying to psych herself up.
"Patricia Walker?" called out the casting director, leaning his head out the door, "You're next."
"Go get 'em, Patsy!" winked Hedy.
"Thanks!"
"Oh!" said Hedy suddenly, "but first, eat this for good luck."
Hedy produced a small wrapped chocolate from her purse and handed it to Patsy. She smiled back at Hedy and delightfully chomped the chocolate down before rushing in for her audition. The moment the door closed behind her Hedy began to snicker.
"You didn't…" whispered Millie.
"Sure did," smiled Hedy, "Think they'll notice if we watch? I don't want to miss this."
Hedy, Nancy, and Millie quietly walked up to the door and cracked it open. They all peered through the opening to watch Patsy's audition. Patsy had just handed her resume and headshot to the casting director and was getting ready.
"Alright," said the casting director, "Introduce yourself whenever you're ready. Once you do, we'll turn on the teleprompter here behind me. Just read off what's on it like you were hosting a show and this was your introduction. Ready?"
Hedy had to hold in a squeal. She could barely contain her excitement.
"My name is Patricia Walker," she began cheerily, watching the teleprompter and speaking with clear diction, "Welcome to Sunshine Morning, California's most watched talk show. Good morning everyone. Today I have a special guest from… from… uh… Oh."
Patsy began to rub her stomach uneasily. The casting director looked at her in confusion. Hedy bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing.
"-and after that we'll be speaking with Dazzler's…" muttered Patsy, "Oof. Um, sorry. Could you make the prompter go back a bit? I think I missed some of it."
"It doesn't go back," said the casting director promptly, "just keep going. Don't worry about it."
"I… Um…" said Patsy, now red-faced and swaying back and forth nervously.
"Is everything alright?" asked the casting director.
"Yes!" said Patsy, "Yes! Everything is fine!"
"Then would you like to continue?"
"Yes! Right!" realized Patsy, wincing as she clutched her stomach, "Hello everyone! We have a lot to talk about this morning, but first let's talk about how that sun has been…. Ooh. Um…"
Patsy looked positively in pain now, keeling over as she breathed heavily.
"Ma'am?" said the casting director, "Are you sure you're alright?"
"YES!" insisted Patsy, "I'm fine. I can do this."
"Ma'am," sighed the casting director, "You seem unwell. How about you come by tomorrow and-?"
"No!" said Patsy, forcing herself to stand straight up wincing in pain as sweat began to form on her brow, "No, I'm perfectly well!"
"Then what's the problem?"
"It's just… I… I…" strained Patsy, trembling and slowly keeling over again, "I… I HAVE TO POOP!"
Patsy suddenly sprinted back toward the door. Hedy, Nancy, and Millie pulled away just in time to not be spotted spying. They watched as Patsy burst out of the room with both hands hugging her stomach.
"Bathroom!" she squealed, "Where's the bathroom?!"
"They told us it was being worked on right now," lied Hedy, "You're going to have to use the port-o-potty across the street by the construction site."
Patsy moaned in desperation as she sprinted out of the building. The moment she was gone, the other girls burst out into laughter.
"Laxatives!" cackled Nancy, "Classic! What a loser!"
"I told you she was worth keeping around," grinned Hedy.
Several years later…
Hellcat stalked back and forth in the bushes, watching and listening carefully. The suit enhanced her senses to that of a cat's, allowing her to hear footsteps from far away and see in the dark. That's why she was so relieved that the sun had already set. She heard one guard approaching the door. He must have been leaving for the day.
Hellcat eyed the parking lot as the guard made his way out to his car. She lowered herself to the ground and swiftly crept across the lot behind the guard. The suit also gave her a cat's uncanny ability to move in complete silence. She used this to swiftly pull a key card off his belt. Then she sprinted silently over to the prison.
I'm taking a big risk on this one, thought Patsy to herself, Breaking into a federal prison, freeing a convict, trusting Felicia…
On paper none of it made sense. There was no way this would work. Then again, that was how most things in Patsy's life had been recently and she'd managed to come out on top before. Okay, not exactly on top, but better than expected.
Hellcat successfully made her way to Felicia's cellblock, having successfully avoided detection from either the convicts or security. She tapped on the metal bars of Felicia's cell to get her attention.
"What the hell?" muttered Felicia, rolling off her bed, "Walker?"
"Sh," hushed Hellcat, "I'm here to bust you out."
"You're kidding, right?"
"No," said Hellcat, "Jen told me your condition to testifying against Hedy was immunity. I'm here to offer you the ultimate immunity! Freedom! Aren't you happy?"
"You realize that if I'm an escaped convict," said Felicia, "I won't actually be able to testify."
"Oh!... Shoot."
"Moron."
"Well, come with me anyway!" said Hellcat quietly.
"What? Why?"
"So you can get out of here."
"No," said Felicia, "I meant why are YOU doing it?"
"This is no way to spend your life," sighed Patsy sadly, looking around the prison, "You did a lot of bad things, but I was willing to forgive you if you helped us with Hedy. Then I realized that even if you didn't, I wanted to forgive you."
"Really?" asked Felicia in disbelief, "After what I did to you?"
"Promise you won't do it again?"
"...sure."
"Good enough for me!" grinned Hellcat, taking out the key and using it to open Felicia's cell.
"You really mean it, don't you?" said Felicia, "This isn't a trick or anything."
"Can't imagine how it would be," said Hellcat.
"Alright then," said Felicia, "Get me out of here!"
So she did. The two successfully snuck out of the prison and made it almost a mile away before anyone even knew Felicia was gone. Even once they did, they wouldn't begin a search outside the prison for hours. They were in the clear. They both stood under a freeway, ready to depart from one another.
"Um…" said Felicia awkwardly, "...thanks."
"You're welcome!"
"I…" searched Felicia, "...what's your deal?"
"Pardon?"
"I humiliated you!" exclaimed Felicia, "I took everything from you and went out of my way to make you miserable. I beat you. I almost killed you."
"I remember."
"So why help me?" demanded Felicia, "Especially if I can't help you?"
"Part of the hero thing I guess," shrugged Hellcat.
Felicia sighed.
"You and She-Hulk are right," admitted Felicia, "It was Hedy who paid me to steal the suit from you."
"Did she say why?"
"No," said Felicia, "but not all the money was delivered electronically. We had a dead drop too. It was a cabin on Crater Lake out in Oregon. There might be something there if you-"
"Crater Lake!?" exclaimed Hellcat, "Was there like a giant tree in the front that hung over the lake? Maybe with a rope tied to it?"
"Yeah, now that you mention it."
"THANK YOU!" squealed Hellcat, wrapping her arms tightly around Felicia.
Felicia looked down in discomfort. She didn't know how to react to this. She offered a slow pat on the back before Hellcat let go and ran off. Felicia was left staring, baffled. She had no idea what to make of what had just happened, nor how to reconcile how little she felt she deserved it.
Several years ago…
"Welcome to Crater Lake!" cheered Hedy into the camera.
"WOO!" cried Nancy, Buzz, Millie, and Patsy.
The television crew had just finished setting up their equipment. Hungry Like the Wolfe had started filming. The show had only been greenlit recently, but Hedy had pumped tons of money into it. The camera crew was well funded, working out of a nice trailer behind the cabin.
Hedy and the group had driven out to the lake for a fun weekend. Hedy's family owned the cabin and most of the land around it, making it the perfect summer home when Hedy wanted to get away from everything. The cabin had air conditioning and an electric stove, of course.
Buzz pulled his shirt off and ran to the lake, leaping in and doing a cannonball in just his shorts. Everyone turned their attention to him as he swam about in the lake, goofing off. The friends laughed together before the others rushed in to change into their swimsuits.
Millie, Hedy, Patsy, and Nancy emerged minutes later in their suits. Hedy, Millie, and Nancy wore sharp-looking bikinis that showed off their perfect tans. Hedy had finally convinced Patsy to buy a two piece swimsuit: a high waisted white bottom and blue top with white polka dots. The suit was the wrong size, hanging baggily off of Patsy's butt in an extremely unflattering way. Additionally, the suit revealed all of her extremely noticeable tan lines.
"Come on!" beckoned Hedy, running toward the lake.
She leapt up and grabbed onto the swinging rope hanging from the tree and swung over the water before splashing down. Nancy and Millie jumped in after her. Patsy jumped at the swinging rope herself and tried to make the same leap Hedy had. Her attempt was significantly less graceful, flailing in the air and landing butt-first in the water. The force of the landing shoved her baggy swimsuit bottom right up into her butt. The water was cold against Patsy's chest. She tugged the swimsuit out of her butt and swam to the surface, taking a huge breath of air as soon as she emerged.
"Oh my God!" laughed Millie, "Patsy!"
Confused, Patsy looked around. Hedy and Nancy were stifling their laughter, but Buzz just looked angry.
"Have some self-respect, Patsy!" he said.
Patsy, still confused, looked down at herself. That's when she finally realized that the dive hadn't just given her a wedgie, it had torn off her top too. She shrieked and covered her nipples with both arms, looking around in frantic embarrassment. The camera was pointed directly at her.
"Guys!" she cried out, "I lost my top!"
"We know!" laughed Nancy.
"Does anyone see it!?" she yelled, "I can't find it!"
"Yoohoo!" called Hedy from the shore.
Patsy looked over to the shore, where Hedy stood proudly waving the polka dotted bikini top in the air. Patsy turned bright red with indignance.
"HEDY!" she yelled, "Give that back!"
"Come and get it!" teased Hedy, running toward the cabin.
"HEDY!"
Patsy thrashed about in the water, trying to swim to the shore while still keeping her arms tightly wrapped around her boobs. It was no use. She'd have to just swim for it. She broke into a forward crawl as the camera zoomed in on her.
Patsy made it to the shore, where she quickly covered her nipples again before sprinting uphill toward the cabin. In her haste, Patsy stepped directly in a mud patch and slipped. She landed face first in the mud, coating most of her front half. Somewhat conveniently, that included her nipples.
"Patsy!" yelled out Buzz, "What in the world are you doing?"
Holding back tears, Patsy ran for the cabin again. This time she made it inside, but was closely followed by the camera crew. She turned around and pouted at them indignance.
"Come on, guys!" she whined, "Stop it!"
"Ms. Wolfe says we have permission to shoot anything on the property," said the director, not looking away from the camera in his cameraman's hands.
"Seriously!?" she cried, but turned around to continue her pursuit of Hedy.
She found Hedy lounging on a couch in the living room, having thrown a robe on over her bikini. She snorted at the sight of the mud-covered Patsy.
"Hedy," said Patsy pleadingly, "Please give it back. The cameras…"
"Relax," dismissed Hedy, "They won't show any nudity on the show."
"Really?"
"Yeah," smiled Hedy, "They'll just blur it out."
"That's still humiliating!"
"Picky, picky."
"My top, Hedy! Please!"
"Oh," frowned Hedy, "You can have it, but I think I misplaced it. Where did I put it again?"
"YOU FORGOT!?"
"Give me a minute…" insisted Hedy, "Hm… Nope. Definitely forgot. Good luck!"
"It was like 2 minutes ago!"
"Don't you have other clothes?"
"They're all in my suitcase," said Patsy, "Which is buried under all the other- Will you guys stop it!?"
Patsy had stomped her foot angrily at the camera crew, which had been slowly moving the camera closer and closer to her half-naked, mud-covered body the whole time."
"Hey!" protested Hedy angrily, "Be polite! These hard working folks are the heart and soul of the show."
Great, thought Patsy, Now I'm going to be naked AND look like a jerk on this show.
Patsy scurried off in search of her top. She checked drawer after drawer and closet after closet with no success. The camera crew followed her the whole time, despite her attempts to escape from or distract them.
The search finally ended when Patsy accidentally ran into a wall trying to get away from the cameras. The impact knocked a hatch on the ceiling open, creating access to the crawl space. On a whim, Patsy took a look inside.
"THERE IT IS!" she squealed with joy, "I FOUND IT!"
"Oh!" smiled Hedy, stepping in from around the corner, "That's where it was! How did it get up there?"
Hedy smiled into the cameras.
"Why did you put my swimsuit up in the crawl space!?" demanded Patsy.
"I'm sorry, Patsy," apologized Hedy, "It was just a little prank. If I had known I would lose the top or that you would be this upset…"
"...no," sighed Patsy, "No, it's fine. These things happen."
She put the top back on over her muddy boobs and fastened it.
"There!" smiled Hedy, "Good as new! Dignity still intact."
Patsy looked down, still coated in mud. She sniffled, holding back tears.
"Hey, hey, hey," offered Hedy comfortingly, "Don't worry! We'll tell them not to air the parts where you're naked, okay?"
"Really?"
"Of course, Patsy," said Hedy warmly, "I've got your back. You can count on me."
The episode aired with the footage anyway.
Several years later…
"I knew it!" shouted Jennifer, "I knew you had gone back to help her!"
"Jen, come on!" said Patsy, "I had to! You said it yourself, she was our only lead!"
"And an absolute maniac!" yelled Jennifer, "She might not be a murderer, Patsy, but she's still a bad person!"
"Jen, she gave me a lead on Hedy!"
"Furthermore- Wait, what?"
"Yeah," nodded Patsy, "She said Hedy's been using a cabin on Crater Lake for dead drops."
"How do you know she's even telling the truth?"
"Because I know the exact cabin she's talking about," explained Patsy, "I used to go there with Hedy!"
"...fine," conceded Jennifer, "but we're not done talking about this."
"I understand."
"Come on," said Jennifer, "let's go."
The two got back in the rental car and began their drive out to Oregon. It was a long, long drive. Eventually, the two continued their debate.
"She's a repeat offender," explained Jennifer, "She was sent to prison before and when she got out, she got back to her old tricks. Like I said, even going to what was basically hell didn't teach her any lesson."
"Right," said Patsy, "but this time was different. She helped me, Jen. She told me about this cabin for nothing in return."
"What are you talking about?" asked Jennifer, "You broke her out of prison."
"Yeah, but I didn't even know she knew anything helpful," said Patsy, "I just thought she would testify."
"You thought an escaped convict would testify in a criminal case?"
"Well NOW I realize how that sounds," said Patsy, "She pointed that out to me too."
"So if she told you that, why did you still break her out?"
"I don't know," said Patsy, gazing out the window, "The thought of her stuck in that cell for the rest of her life with no chance of redemption or freedom just really weighed on me. Especially since I'm part of the reason she was there."
"She's the reason she was there," said Jennifer firmly, "You understand? You were not responsible for it. Hell, you're not even the one who turned her in. That was me."
"Still."
"You're too trusting, Pats," sighed Jennifer, "That's why Felicia was able to do all that to you."
"Maybe," said Patsy, "but it might also be the reason she never does it to anyone else again."
Jennifer thought about that for a moment. She wasn't sure how to respond. Instead she continued to drive in silence, contemplating it.
They arrived at the cabin some time later. Patsy donned her Hellcat suit and listened for any signs of anyone else being there. She didn't hear anything and the only smells were the ones one would expect to smell in a forest. They were the only ones there.
They made their way into the cabin, searching around for any sign of something that could be helpful. Hellcat heard Jennifer sigh in frustration.
"If there's anything here," she said, "it's damn well hidden."
"That's it!" realized Hellcat, rushing down the hall.
Jennifer, confused, followed. She watched as Hellcat leapt up to pull down a hatch in the ceiling and then crawled into the crawl space inside. Moments later she emerged, a hard drive in her hand and an enormous smile on her face.
"Of course!" smiled Jennifer back, "She was worried about being tracked online, so she stored everything in a physical location no one would think to look!"
The two gathered around Jennifer's laptop and accessed the drive. They began to look through all the files in it, very quickly realizing that Hedy's scheme was much grander than they thought. It wasn't just Hellcat's suit she had paid someone to steal, but other powerful objects as well. Many of them were weapons to be sold on the black market. In fact, the theft of the Hellcat suit seemed incidental. It was just to stop Hellcat from looking further into the Moonstone.
"She was behind the Karla Sofen all along!?" realized Hellcat, "I can't believe it!"
"I sort of can," admitted Jennifer.
"This is it, right?" asked Hellcat excitedly, "This will be enough to hold her responsible?"
"Almost," said Jennifer, "We didn't exactly acquire this legally, but now that we know about these other crimes finding the paper trail will be a synch."
"Good," said Hellcat, "but before we bring the charges against her, I would like one chance to talk to her first."
"Alright," sighed Jennifer, "but I'm going with you and I'm gonna be green."
She-Hulk knocked on the door and waited. Patsy stood beside her, waiting along with her. About a minute later, Hedy answered the door.
"Well this is a…" said Hedy slowly, "...surprise."
"We have to talk," said Patsy.
"Not happening," said Hedy, closing the door, "Leave before I call the cops."
The door stopped short of closing. An annoyed Hedy looked down and saw that She-Hulk had stuck her foot in the door to stop it. Hedy glared up at her.
"We know all about your operation," said She-Hulk, "we even have evidence. Still want to call the cops?"
Hedy grumbled and opened the door, letting them in.
"Hedy…" said Patsy after a moment, "Why?"
"Because there's a lot of money in the black market," explained Hedy, "especially with all those idiot superheroes dropping their toys everywhere."
"You don't have enough money?" asked She-Hulk, looking about the gorgeous house.
"I don't expect either of you to understand. Now about this evidence you have…"
"That's not something I care to share before we press charges," said She-Hulk.
"So you don't have anything," smiled Hedy, "Wonderful. Now please be on your way."
"That's not what I-"
"SHUT UP!" ordered Hedy, "If you're going to press charges, do it. If you're going to blackmail me, do it. What I will not allow you to do is waste my time."
"Hedy," continued Patsy, "I just wanted to talk, as friends. Maybe we can-"
"Friends?" scoffed Hedy, "Seriously? This isn't a Saturday morning cartoon, Patsy. This is real life. I won and you lost every time. I beat you over and over again. No amount of 'friendship' is going to change that. You're still a failure."
"Hedy-"
"What part of this don't you understand!?" exclaimed Hedy, almost laughing, "I don't like you. I don't have any respect for you. I only kept you around because you were dumb and sheltered enough to do whatever I wanted you to do. You've outlived your usefulness, Patsy."
Patsy went to respond, but the words caught in her throat. She held back tears, but a sniffle gave her away. She-Hulk saw this and began to fume, clenching her fists tightly.
"And there you go crying again!" laughed Hedy, "It's astonishing that no matter how many times the world reminds you that you're nothing, you choose to ignore it. Take a hint, loser! You aren't strong. You aren't smart. You aren't pretty. You're not even charming. Your place is beneath me and you know it. Haven't you ever realized that everyone you thought loved you was just pretending? No matter how much you believe in friendship, that's not going to change. You're still a penniless loser without a single real friend to- GACK!"
She-Hulk had thrust her hand into Hedy's throat, wrapping her fingers around it and lifting the woman into the air. Hedy coughed and clutched at She-Hulk's wrist, unable to speak. She-Hulk had had enough of her. Her every word was hurting Patsy more and more. The poor girl's face was now a mess of tears.
She-Hulk threw Hedy over her head and straight into a grandfather clock in the corner. The sound of wood splintering and distorted clock chimes filled the room as Hedy's crumpled, barely breathing body lay in a heap of clock parts. Patsy, face still covered in tears, just stared in disbelief.
"Hm," said She-Hulk, "That… might have been a tad excessive of me."
"You can go in now," said the nurse.
Patsy and Jennifer stood up and followed the nurse to the hospital room. At Patsy's insistence, they had brought baked goods and a "Get well soon" balloon and teddy bear. The nurse let them into Hedy's room and left.
"Hi Hedy," waved Patsy nervously.
Hedy glared in response. She had stitches on multiple parts of her face, her neck was in a brace, one of her arms was in a sling, the other was heavily bandaged, and one of her legs was in a cast. She-Hulk's assault had taken its toll.
"We, uh…" said Jennifer uncomfortably, "...brought you some brownies."
Hedy said nothing. Instead, she redirected her glare to the corner of the room, ignoring them.
"We're sorry about this," said Patsy, "Aren't we, Jen?"
Jennifer huffed.
"Aren't we, Jen?"
"Oh shut up!" yelled Hedy, "I don't care if you're sorry! You two freaks are just lucky you really do have evidence."
"Listen," said Jennifer impatiently, "We don't get you arrested for arms dealing, you don't sue me for crumpling you like a paper bag. Seems like a pretty good deal all around."
"Get out before I call security," said Hedy spitefully.
"In my defense," said Jennifer, "you're a sociopathic maniac."
"Get out."
"I'm just going to leave these here," said Patsy, setting down the gifts on the bedside table.
"I said get out!"
Patsy and Jennifer left with haste. Hedy returned to glaring at the corner of the room. After a moment, she looked over and recognized a plate of brownies. They were the ones Patsy always made. Hedy peered at the window to make sure Jennifer and Patsy had left. Then she used her bandaged hand to grab a brownie and take a bite. Patsy really did make fantastic brownies.