Chapter 16 - Uncertain Child
Three months later...
Tifa sat at her bar, sipping wine, wondering what the hell she had gotten herself into.
Raising Jen wasn't anything like what Tifa thought it would be. For one, Jen did not cry at all, unless she got hurt, and even then it was only the initial surprise at the sensation. No, Jen didn't cry, she projected. If she was hungry, the sensation of hunger was projected to Tifa. If she was bored, the sensation of boredom was projected to Tifa. If she wanted to examine something, the image of it was projected to Tifa. If she was hurt, she projected that pain into Tifa, and boy didn't that get her running in a fit.
Having the mental powers to do this as a infant made Tifa a bit concerned, if the baby started projecting randomly into strangers, Tifa didn't expect it to end well. Considering she was a baby, Sephiroth couldn't teach her to restrain the ability for a few years at best. So, they had hoped to simply keep her distracted if they got company, but...
Jen wasn't interested in the toys Tifa and Sephiroth had gone out to buy. The infant examined them once, seeming confused as to why they gave the objects to her, and then lost interest in them. In fact, the baby projected irritation to them if they continued to try to get her to play with the objects. It left Tifa at a loss of how to keep her child entertained. Not to mention, sometimes she just didn't understand what her daughter was trying to project into her head.
Jen was a very strange baby.
But still her special little girl.
Yesterday though, things had changed. Jen had projected two images repeatedly into Tifa's head. One of Jen as a baby, and one of Jen as a giant walking baby, over and over again. The baby projected aggravation and made gurgling noises when Tifa didn't really respond. She wasn't sure how to, or what the baby was asking. Oh and didn't it ruffle her feathers when Sephiroth apparently figured it out for her.
"It will be sixteen years or so before you are fully grown, Jen," Sephiroth had said calmly to the baby.
Jen had blinked once, blinked twice, and then threw such a fit. She wailed with irritation and fury, projecting the sensation into them. But beneath it, it was the sensation of helplessness the baby felt that had Tifa picking her up and trying to rock her to sleep gently, murmuring softly until the baby tired herself out. Of course, that led into the discussion that had resulted in Tifa sipping wine for the last eight hours or so.
She had commented offhandedly that Jen almost seemed to understand what Sephiroth had said.
Of course he had went and said two simple words that threw Tifa through a loop. "She does."
And it left her stumped.
So here she sat, trying unsuccessfully to get herself drunk.
Sometimes she really hated what she had become, because sometimes, as awful as it sounded when she thought about it, drinking away her problems was a nice alternative rather than confronting them. But of course, alcohol had absolutely no effect anymore.
Dammit...
She turned her head, hearing Sephiroth walk downstairs after checking in on Jen again. "Seph... how long did you know that she... understood us?"
"I always thought it was curious how intensely she seemed to focus on and react to us as we spoke," said Sephiroth, "But I did not put it to the test until last month."
"You knew for a month, and didn't tell me?!" exclaimed Tifa, a little hysterical.
Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "Considering your reaction, I wanted you to come to the conclusion on your own. Besides, it was readily apparent if you paid attention."
Tifa narrowed her eyes at him, weighing the worth of the wine bottle she had verses chucking it at him. She instead took another sip and set it down, sighing.
"Seph... we're you like that?" asked Tifa, "Did you understand people as a baby?"
Sephiroth contemplated it for a moment. "My memory is decent, I can remember somewhat back into my childhood, but my infancy? I don't remember."
Tifa nodded slowly. "Do you think umm..."
She hesitated, not sure she wanted to bring it up. "That Hojo would have had records on that?"
There was a stiffness that entered Sephiroth's posture and a slight narrowing of his eyes. "Most likely. The man noted everything. However, considering the state of Midgar at the moment, and that both the Turks and the WRO most likely combed over the place well before it became a crater, I doubt any files would have been there. Perhaps in a lab somewhere else, but, that doesn't consider that Hojo may have personally removed such files after Nibelheim."
Tifa nodded, but said nothing further. Hojo and childhood in the labs were not things Sephiroth discussed, ever. That he even looked back on them for Jen's sake was... something Tifa could appreciate.
Sephiroth moved to sit next to her, taking a sip of her wine. They shared back and forth for a bit until it was empty.
"I'm still not sure I believe it," muttered Tifa.
"Put it to the test when she wakes up," said Sephiroth.
Tifa sighed and ran a hand through her hand. "Yeah... sure. But... if she really has that kind of awareness as a baby... what do we do for her?"
"I could begin teaching her mathematics and science I suppose," said Sephiroth.
"As a three month old baby," deadpanned Tifa.
Sephiroth shrugged. "It would keep her busy."
"That's not the same as... well...," began Tifa.
Sephiroth raised a questioning eyebrow.
Tifa sighed. "I want her to grow up happy, with a normal childhood. To be able to play and have friends. I doubt you want her to go through anything similar to what you went through..."
There was a tenseness emanating from Sephiroth at the thought of it.
"...and I don't want her to go through what I went through that ended my childhood, or well, teenage years," said Tifa tiredly.
"Considering you burnt it to the ground, she can't go through Nibelhiem," said Sephiroth dryly.
Tifa snorted and slugged his shoulder. "Smart ass."
Sephiroth had a faint tugging of an amused smile on the edges of his lips before he cleared his throat. "Tifa. You want a 'normal' childhood for her, but consider this. Jen is not normal, by any stretch of the word. Put her next to another infant, and I am fairly certain it will readily be apparent."
Tifa toyed with that idea. "Hmm... I wonder... alright, let's see then."
Sephiroth frowned. "See?"
Tifa got up and went around to the back of the bar, fishing through her things for her PHS. "Let's see if Aerith want's to bring her little one over."
"I don't particularly care, but, it is five in the morning," said Sephiroth, amused.
"I didn't say it had to be now," said Tifa.
Unfortunately, Tifa never got Aerith's PHS number last time she was here... for obvious reasons considering how that little reunion ended...
Reunion...
Tifa stiffened and then immediately locked herself down, banishing the sensation before it could even start to manifest, hissing quietly to herself. Dammit she hated even thinking that word. She thankfully still did mental training with Sephiroth now and then to keep herself in check.
She shook her head and picked up her PHS, took a deep breath and texted Cloud, not wanting to call and risk waking him at this time if he was asleep: You awake?
There was the possibility that he would simply not even respond to her. The way he had left last time really didn't inspire any confidence for her with him and...
Brr: Yeah, something wrong?
She smiled, a little relived he wasn't completely shutting her out. She did want to keep Cloud as a friend, she didn't want her... well relationship was a strong word for what she and Sephiroth had... to be a huge barrier between her and Cloud.
She texted back: I don't have Aerith's number, and we could use some... advice... for Jen.
Cloud didn't respond for several minutes, making Tifa feel a little anxious, before he finally did: We will be there around noon. Aerith is going to try and get some sleep, baby has been cranky and up all night.
A hint of a smile ghosted Tifa's face. The 'joys' of being a mother. Her smile left her before it occurred to her she didn't even know what Aerith's baby's name was, or even the gender. Ah well... little 'bumps' in friendships did happen. Though, she was still a little peeved at Aerith for that 'Jenova' comment the last time they met, but whatever, she wouldn't bring it up. If Aerith gave her any good ideas for Jen, that comment would be swept under the rug.
"They'll be here around noon," said Tifa.
Sephiroth nodded. "I suppose I ought to warn Jen when she wakes up that we will have guests."
"She didn't seem to have trouble with the truckers from Costa Del Sol that came last month," said Tifa.
"That's because she was disinterested, rightfully I should say, with them," said Sephiroth, "Our upcoming guests are not as bland."
Tifa huffed a little. "Oh no. Don't you be going and putting any notions of being better than others in her head."
Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "We are better than humans. Are you going to honestly say otherwise?"
Tifa frowned. "Setting her up like that is only going to cause trouble down the road. Teach her not to trust them blindly, sure, I'd agree to that. Teach her to snub them? No, that I don't agree with. She'll be alone and alienated..."
Sephiroth scoffed. "As if we already aren't when we go anywhere to pick up supplies?"
Tifa crossed her arms and gave him a not-so-impressed look. "You have a reputation that proceeds you. Me, well..."
She flexed her wing a little. "I refuse to hide what I am. I don't want Jen to have to either, even if it makes blending in easier. Regardless, the long silver hair and catlike eyes is kind of a dead giveaway anyway."
"Hmph," was Sephiroth's only response.
Tifa was about to respond before a sensation of hunger hit her. "Guess it's time to feed her."
Sephiroth sighed. "I don't know why she projects it to me as well."
Tifa hid a smile as she walked for the stairs. There were a lot of crude jokes she could make, but said nothing. Jen probably just didn't know Sephiroth couldn't give her what she needed how she was used to. The thought of him trying almost made Tifa burst into a fit of laughter. Thankfully in that regard they had a few stored bottles in-case Tifa was gone for some errand, but she preferred feeding her baby herself.
Tifa had her special little girl out of her crib, in her arms, and feeding a minute later. "There there Jen."
There was a sensation of irritation with her, but it passed a moment later. Tifa pondered it. If Sephiroth was right, and Jen could understand them, maybe she didn't like being talked to like she was a normal mindless lovable baby? Though, HOW the child could understand them, if she really could, was perplexing. She might have thought the child had somehow learned in her womb, maybe through hearing, but...
Jen's presence had not 'awoken' until Tifa had gone into labor.
So that wasn't it.
Tifa waited until Jen was finished, turned her little head away, and gave a satisfied gurgle. "Jen."
The baby turned her tiny head, her red and green catlike eyes peering up at her.
Tifa bit her lip a little anxiously before asking, "If you understand what I'm saying, can you hold up both your pinky fingers?"
Jen blinked once and attempted to do so, her little hands slightly raising and her pinkies trying to stand out on their own. It wasn't a very successful attempt, but it was enough for Tifa. She clutched her baby tightly to her chest, a hand running through the infant's tuft of hair.
"Oh Jen...," murmured Tifa.
She took the baby downstairs, grabbed a blanket, and laid both down on the bar, baby on her stomach. She sat down on the stool next to Sephiroth with a heavy sigh.
"What are we going to do with you?" muttered Tifa.
The baby gurgled and projected a wave of confusion at her.
"We could get her education started earlier," offered Sephiroth again, "She'd finish earlier, and be able to enter her later teenage years with a freedom from schooling most children wouldn't have."
Tifa considered it for a moment. "Possibly..."
She gave him a cheeky smile before turning to her baby. "Hey Jen, whats two plus two?"
The baby's eyes furrowed for a moment before struggling to hold up four fingers.
Tifa's mouth hung open. "W-what..."
Sephiroth merely chuckled.
She turned and scowled. "You already started, didn't you?"
Sephiroth shook his head. "No, but, it does give me an idea of how she understands us, and knows such things. It's the only possibility I can consider to be frank."
"What?" Tifa asked eagerly.
"She inherited it," he offered.
Tifa gave him a blank look. "Babies do not inherit knowledge and information like that."
"Human babies don't," countered Sephiroth, "But none of us here are exactly human, are we? We are part Calamity."
Tifa went silent, thinking.
Sephiroth continued. "A Calamity lives and acts through all of it's cells. If you were to destroy most of a Calamity, only a few cell surviving, it would still have all of it's knowledge and identity. I should know after all. Until Mother's cells grew to few in number to even communicate with me anymore, she never showed any signs of losing her memory or identity."
Well, that was interesting. "When exactly did you lose contact with Jenova?"
Sephiroth pondered it briefly. "After a few of my revivals. When there wasn't enough of her cells to aid in my rebirths."
"How did you keep coming back then?" asked Tifa.
A displeased look crossed Sephiroth's face. "The pup... Cloud."
Tifa frowned. "How?"
"Anytime he bled, anytime he lost hair, anytime skin cells fell off him, and as much as it disgusts me to admit, anytime he 'relieved himself', he sheds cells. Since he does not acknowledge any part of the Calamity within him, he forfeits control of those cells the moment they leave him," explained Sephiroth.
Tifa's eyes went wide. "Wait so..."
"So long as Cloud lives, so to will I," said Sephiroth, "Though, it does take some time to build up and gather enough of these cells to recreate myself. I'm fortunate I learned 'some' lessons from Mother in cellular control to increase the rate of cell division, otherwise it would take decades to recreate myself this way."
Tifa was dumbfounded for a moment before sighing heavily. "Oh boy... that's... well... shit. Yeah, I'm not telling Cloud that. He'd probably kill himself and have his body burned just to get rid of you."
Sephiroth nodded. "Most likely."
Tifa turned her attention back to Jen. "So... you think she inherited knowledge and memories from our cells?"
"It's the only thing I can think of," said Sephiroth.
"I wonder how much she knows, if she has any specific memories from us rather than knowledge," murmured Tifa, "There are things I wouldn't want her to know. I imagine the labs aren't something you'd want her to know either."
Sephiroth nodded and simply stared at Jen. They both did. The baby's eyes flickered back and forth between them, giving away nothing. It was strange to Tifa, it always was, to see how intensely focused Jen could be. Eyes slightly narrowed, honing in on the two of them as they spoke, listening, watching, waiting...
"I don't know what's going to scare me more," admitted Tifa with humor, "Her toddler years, her childhood, or goddess forbid, her teenage years."
Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "Not concerned about adulthood?"
Tifa shrugged and gave both him and Jen a cheeky grin. "She's out of the house and not our problem then."
Sephiroth snorted. "I see."
Jen just gave her a blank look and a confused gurgle.
Tifa reached over and ruffled her tuft of hair. "You'll understand when your older."
Jen gave an irritated gurgle and projected impatience at her.
Tifa slowly shook her head. "Don't be so impatient to grow up Jen, you only get to be young once. You should enjoy it while it lasts."
Jen stared at her, eyes furrowed. Curious confusion emanated from the baby, not understanding.
Tifa thought for a moment. How to explain the concept to an intelligent baby...?
Sephiroth surprised her and beat her to it, voice oddly soft for him, "You only have innocence once. When you are young, defenseless, and experiencing the world through new eyes. Untainted by the trials and sufferings of life. Some people lose that innocence far sooner than others, have it stolen from them, and yearn all their lives to have it back."
Tifa turned a heavy gaze onto Sephiroth, saying nothing.
"Others will attempt to use you, abuse you, dominate your life and choose your fate," warned Sephiroth, "Within this place your mother and I will protect you, show and teach you how to survive in this world so different than the one we grew up in. What she wants is for you to be happy, to enjoy your young life to the fullest extent possible; what I want is to prepare you for what comes after the loss of innocence."
"I suppose we'll have to find a balance," said Tifa quietly.
She turned back to Jen. "It's a brand new world for you my special little girl. If you really did inherit our memories, don't let the past blind you. There's so much happiness out there to find for yourself. Friends, family, adventure, perhaps a quiet life if staying at home being content is your desire, or whatever you want to do with your life. It's yours now, and whatever you choose, I want you to be able to look back one day without regrets."
It was odd, to talk to her three month old child like this. It was odder still, to see the contemplative look on her daughter's face, or well, as contemplative a baby can look anyway. Tifa exchanged a brief look with Sephiroth before settling down to wait for Aerith to arrive. She rested her eyes on her child, wondering what future she would choose for herself...
Author's Notes:
Hmm, what will Jenova do...
Also, last chance for ideas/suggestions for Aeirth/Zack's child(ren).