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* A small reminder. Bold and Italic is bokushi speaking, and bold is oreshi speaking *

Chapter 5

Why can't I forget about you?

/*Akashi Oreshi's POV*/

Three and a half Years Later – Christmas

(At the end of the first year in Highschool)

"Seijuro! It's Christmas eve today. So you need to take your fiance to dinner. Anna would be waiting for you at 7," my father announced to me when he called me to his office.

"I will not be able to attend father. Maybe another day. I have to meet with my friends today. And I am sorry but you can't stop me from going. Call Anna-san and tell her that I am unavailable today," I announced too and I left his office totally refreshed and excited for meeting my friends again. The last three years were a nightmare. A nightmare that I couldn't escape from. They were years of loneliness and unforgivable sins. Now that I am thinking about it Amelia would be so mad at me if she was here. I miss her. I miss her every day. Father was wrong. What I was feeling for her was love, real love. How do I know? Well, I don't. But I really don't want to fall for anyone else other than her. That is what I had decided, but if I was to fall I had to make sure that I would love that woman more than Amelia. So I was basically gambling.

"Seijuro?" my mother called me before I left the house.

"Mother! What can I do for you?" I asked her politely. She was sick. She was getting sicker and sicker every day. We didn't know the reason but I was determined to keep her alive no matter what.

"Nothing. Have fun with your friends," she smiled at me and waved at me weakly. I waved her back before leaving the house. We were going to meet at Shintaro's house this time. He asked us all to be there by 6. So I ran as I was late. Me? Late? Hahahaha well, I think that I am losing my so-called absolute self, huh?

'Oh, don't kid yourself! You are making me look bad.'

'You brought it to your self so keep quiet!'

'Whatever!'

Arguing with my other half brought me in front of Shintaro's door faster than I thought. When I knocked on the door Satsuki appeared with a huge smile on her face and welcomed me inside. I smiled back at her and I entered Shintaro's home. I haven't been here for such a long time, as my school was in Kyoto. When I entered the living room I met with my old teammates. Ryota was crying as always as he was getting bullied by Daiki, Atsushi was eating candies, Tetsuya was staring at them and Shintaro was trying to keep his cool.

"Oh, Akashi, thank goodness you are here. Please make them stop. They even broke my lucky item for today and I sent Takao to bring me a new one," Shintaro complained showing me his broken Christmas-themed pencil. I nodded and I walked towards Daiki.

"Daiki. Please be more careful. You too Ryota." They both stopped immediately and I heard Shintaro sighing relieved so I sat next to Tetsuya. He was quiet like usual. I looked around. That night… I can remember it like it was just yesterday. The night I learned about her death. That night they were there for me. They stayed by my side so I wouldn't do anything crazy. Like what could I do?

'Take your own life, you idiot…'

'I wouldn't…'

'Yeah… keep saying that until you actually believe it…'

If I was left alone, would I really attempt to take my own life? I shook my head to throw this thought out of my head. Then Satsuki stood in the middle of the room all red and Tetsuya stood next to her. We all looked at them confused. I looked at Daiki who was slightly smiling at them. I guess he knew what they wanted to say. I shifted my view to those two again and I waited patiently to hear what they had to say.

"Um…. Look… me and Tetsu-kun…. We want… to… to… to say something to you all… um..." Satsuki was trembling. I felt a little sorry for her.

"Satsuki-san and I are together now. Please take care of us," Tetsuya said bluntly and bowed to us. Satsuki was ready to collapse and the rest of us were just staring at them. The first to talk was Ryota, as usual, who jumped up and started to shout how happy he was for both of them. Shintaro congratulated them too and Atsusi gave them some of his candies as a gift I guess. I was feeling really happy for both of them. I was truly happy and I really wanted them to work. Amelia would be happy, that is for sure. After all, I remember her telling me in middle school that Satsuki had feelings for Tetsuya. Yes… she would be the first to know I guess. I chuckled unconsciously thinking the face Amelia would make when Satsuki's worried tone brought me back to reality.

"Um… Akashi-kun?" Satsuki asked me all worried. I blinked a few times and I got up to hug them both.

"Congratulations you two! I am so happy for you!" I smiled warmly at both of them but Satsuki started to tear up.

"I am… so happy… I was worried you know… I mean you and Amelia… and we and maybe you wouldn't like it… and..." she continued to cry speaking words like that but I got what she wanted to say. She was worried about my reaction to this as I had Amelia and I lost her, so now if they were to come and say that they were happy I would get mad. I patted her head lightly making her look at me.

"Don't even think about it Satsuki. I bet Amelia would be jumping up and down with that wonderful news. After all, she really wanted you two to end up together! From your birthday party that time." I wasn't lying. I was telling the truth and they shouldn't worry about my life or anyone else. She smiled and hugged me tightly making everyone tear up. Today was a wonderful day to be alive.

New Year

Christmas came to an end and New Year came. I didn't manage to avoid my meeting with my fiance so I agreed on taking her to a shrine for new year's. Well, I was living in Kyoto now so meeting her once or twice a year, Christmas and Summer, when I was in Tokyo wouldn't hurt. I went to pick her up from her house. Next to it, there was a shrine so it was more convenient.

"Hello… I came to pick Miss Anna." I asked politely the maid who smiled and left to call her master. Anna appeared a few minutes later and we both proceeded to the shrine. During middle school, I was completely denying the idea of getting a second fiance after the death of my first one. Who would do something like that? So I was always canceling any kind of meetings with her. I met her once during the third year of middle school. Well, not me. He was in charge then so he did the whole meeting and stuff. Our fathers were so happy. He stayed calm and never spoke. He wasn't interested at all in her. If he was I would be in great trouble, but he made it clear. I guess he misses Amelia too but he doesn't want to admit it. That is kind of cute for someone as absolute as him.

We walked to the shrine and stood in line to pray. Once we manage to pray we took our way back again in silence.

"Ne… Seijuro-san… what did you wish for?" Anna asked me a little before we arrive at her house.

"What I wished for can not be granted." I simply answered her without really wanting to explain more. I guess she already knew about me and Amelia and the whole past thing. She also didn't seem to be an idiot, so I guess that she could tell that my wish was to see Amelia once more.

"I see… well I wished that we could get to know each other more," she said and became all red. I just wanted to leave.

"And why is that?" Why did I continue with the conversation?

"Eh? After all, we are going to get married… so we have to know each other. We are going to spend a life together and…."

"And?" Am I really doing this?

She stopped talking and she stopped walking too. I stopped too and I turned to her. She was looking at the ground and was sobbing.

"Anna-san? Why are you crying?" I asked her. I messed her up.

"I… no… it's nothing..." she said all of a sudden and showed me a fake smile. Amelia used to do it and my mother does it too so I could tell that she wasn't alright. She bowed and left running towards her house. It was weird, but it wasn't my business, really I could care less. What I cared about more was my mother's condition and the plan that I had in my mind. My plan was simple. Finish high school, study aboard and take over the company sooner than it is planned for me to inherit it and stop any kind of arranged marriage. Simple but hard to accomplice.

/*Anna's POV*/

What I just did was unforgivable. How could I break down like this? And in front of my future husband. Chee… future my ass. Once I get married to him I will divorce him in a blink's eye. But I had to marry him. For the sake of my company… no… for the sake of him… my so-called father. He was the one who was in charge of my life. My mother was one of his mistresses but she died. They say that she died from an overdose but I don't buy it. He killed her and I am sure of it. He took me in only because he wanted to use me for arranged marriages. His late wife was a very good woman. She raised me like her own child and she never said anything about the fact that his husband was cheating on her. Actually from what I heard, she couldn't make children so she was sad and depressed. When she learned that he had a child with another woman at the beginning she was angry but then she heard that that mistress died, so she decided to take her child in, me. I am thankful to her and I loved her like my own mother. She didn't deserve the way she died. She died in a car accident. Actually, she died in the same accident as the girlfriend of my future husband to be. I still don't know how but I bet that that bastard arranged them all. I bet that he killed his wife and that girl in order to get me to get married to the son of Akashi Corp. and he could get married to his new wife. But I have no choice but to follow his instructions or else I am as good as dead too. That is for sure…

"Oh miss… you came back early." My maid looked at me surprised but I ignored her and I walked back to my room.

"Miss… your father said to go and find him when you return..." she said before I leave the entrance. I knew what he had to tell me. The usual. I have to do anything in my power to have him forget about that girl, Amelia, and to fall for me so he would stop avoiding me and decide a suitable date for us to get married. I was sick of this.

"Oh! Anna!" I heard another familiar voice from behind me which made my heart skip a beat. I turned around slowly and I admired the man who was approaching me.

"Oh hello, Doctor!" I said smiling at him.

"Oh! How many times have I told you to call me Makoto?" he chuckled lightly before staring deep into my eyes.

"Ok then, Makoto. Why are you here?"

"I came to check on your father."

"What? Is he still alive?" I asked with a disappointed tone. He grinned and lectured me for being hateful to my own father.

"Well, I have to go… See ya around Anna!" he waved me goodbye with his gorgeous smile and left. His name was Takahashi Makoto. He was 25 years old and he was my family's doctor. There were also rumors about him being and an underground doctor but he denies it. He was my stepmother's doctor too. He was very sad when he learned about her death. He loved her a lot like his own mother. I wish I could be his bride… but I can't… my life sucks!

/*Shiori's POV*/

From that day on I couldn't face my son anymore. I don't get how my husband can look at him in the eyes and order him around. Seijuro lost himself at some point. It was painful to watch my own child be driven crazy and cold by my own hands and actions and act as nothing had happened. It's painful. I would give everything to bring those happy old days when Amelia was here. Then he was happy, kind, and full of life. Now he is unhappy and puts on a fake smile every time we speak. He shows to all that fake part of him like a good businessman. I didn't want that for my child. But I am responsible for this. I thought that I was doing the right thing. I thought that by agreeing I would protect my child. Now I am asking myself if I made the right choice as a mother. What would he say when he learns the truth. Would he love me anymore, would he hate me? I guess he will hate me. I have no excuse, neither his father, for what we did. I am feeling guilty but I can't speak. If I speak death may come upon us. That guilt will kill me. But I am fine with it. If I can protect something, then death may take me away. Until then I have no other choice but to stay silent… forever…

Spring – Second Year Of Highschool (timeskips… I love them!)

/*Akashi's Oreshi POV*/

Spring actually became my favorite season. It was the season where the weather began to sweeten and sakura started to bloom. It's the weekend so I found some time to rest. I sat in my room and opened the windows facing the garden. The new house in Kyoto had a garden and a pond too. I was really disappointed when our garden in Tokyo stopped blooming after she was gone but when we arrived here the garden was alive and I felt relieved. I still remember the good times I had with Amelia in that garden.

Flash Back

''Seiji! Seiji! Come and see the fish! They are especially vivid today! Come!''

'Seiji? New nickname?' I wondered. Kind of cute. "Really? And is that this strange?''

''It means that they are better now! Come! Seiji!''

''Here I come!''

''Look at them!'' she said cheerfully as I picked her up and turned us around laughing.

End of Flash Back (oh I haven't seen those for years in stories)

''I wish you were still here,'' I whispered softly. Even though I had come to terms with her death, I was still missing her terribly. My thoughts of her were interrupted by the maid. She had come to remind me that my fiance, Anna, had just arrived. I nodded and I went to the living room with her. There I saw Anna waiting impatiently. Last time I saw her was back in Tokyo during New Year. My father said that she would come and visit to go for the sakura viewing. I really didn't want to, but I had to.

Once she saw me, she threw herself on me and kissed me on the cheek.

'Very Rude!'

'Very rude indeed... ' I thought too but I didn't react, I just smiled bitterly. When she let me go, I saw her wearing a light pink kimono with a sakura pattern on it. Anna was a girl somewhere in 1.50m (I'm somewhere in 1.74m), blond hair, blue eyes, bright white skin as snow. She was half Japanese and half Dutch now that I am thinking about it, so the kimono was actually good on her.

'' Well, Seiji I came to hang out with you! I hope I'm not bothering you!''

'Seiji?'

''Yes, I have a lot of work and please call me by my last name, Akashi or Seijuro-san.'' I replied coldly but she didn't seem to bother.

''Aaaahhhh, your father told me that you like being called like that. What a pity Seiji.''

'He told her? Of course… Who else wants to make me suffer more than him?'

''My son told you to call him Akashi and so you will, my dear.'' a cold female voice sounded from behind me. My mother had come to save me.

''And since my husband called you, go find him in his office. Sonoko, please drive her to my husband's office.'' Mother coldly asked the maid and approached me with a warm smile.

''Seijuro, come with me my love,'' she said and I followed her.

"Are you better? Can you walk?" I asked her worried about her condition. She just smiled at me and continue to walk. We found ourselves in front of the music room of the house. I haven't been in there since we came.

'' Mother... I can't...''

''Don't worry, today is a happy day... come, take your violin and I will sit at the piano... I know you are very loaded these days. So pull out your frustration via the music. ''

I agreed and got the violin. I hadn't played it for years. I started playing, at the beginning a gentle melody, but as time passed it became more powerful and scary, and I was no longer able to stop. My mother followed perfectly. A few moments later I stopped and looked at the piano. Tears started flowing down my face. I felt again like a mere loser. So many years I hadn't cried for her loss other than those nights... because I didn't want to accept it... and now maybe I made a step. My mother left me alone in the room closing the door behind her. I was so thankful to her. I didn't want to make her sad and hurt her more. Once I was alone I approached the piano and sat in front of it. I placed my fingers on the piano keys and I pushed them lightly in order to play our favorite piece, Moonlight Sonata of Beethoven. I pushed a few keys but I got overwhelmed and I started to cry instead, throwing my head on the keys with my hands hugging the piano. My tears wouldn't stop falling and all my bottled feeling started to come to the surface. I made voices I didn't know someone could make but I really didn't care. It felt really better crying like there was no tomorrow. Yes… that is how I felt those nights… that I wouldn't be able to continue to live without her.

It was unfair. It was so unfair. She left me like this… She left alone… That was something that was bothering me for the last four years. She died all alone. At least she died shortly after. She died without feeling any pain. That easy my pain greatly. It really did.

But the tears wouldn't stop. My pain won't stop. The emptiness that I am feeling doesn't go away even after all those years.

"Huh?" I felt a hand over my shoulder and I immediately turned around to see who it was only to find nobody.

'Is something wrong?'

'No... I thought that someone was in the room…. It must be my imagination.'

I looked around again confused.

No… it can't be…

I got up and walked towards the balcony and I opened the doors to allow the soft air to enter the room. I felt refreshed when it hit me and I sat on the balcony.

'Are you feeling better?'

'Yes.'

I observed the sakura in the garden when I heard someone entering the room. It was Anna. She looked around for me and when she spotted me she came hopping towards me and a small smile on her face.

"Ne ne Seijuro-san! Let's go! The festival is going to start!" she said pouting her lips to be cute. It was really irritating but I couldn't complain, could I?

"yes… you are right… but as I told you, I am busy. I can't come with you." I tried to sound as apologetic as I could. I didn't feel sorry a bit. Her smile disappeared and her face got dark. She stepped back and reentered the room walking towards the piano and the violin. I followed her with my eyes to see what she was going to do. My eyes widened when I saw her grabbing the violin and smashing it on the piano with force. She hit it like three times and then threw it on the floor near me.

'That chick is crazy!'

I walked and took the destroyed now violin from the floor.

"You don't understand… you don't understand anything! You are stuck to your dead girlfriend and you don't see anyone else around you! Look at me! Look around you! I have… I have feelings for you! Why don't you get it?" she screamed at me while looking at me with tears running down. She was faking. I didn't feel anything and she had no feelings in her words. They were dry and empty. I looked at her with no emotion as well and walked past her.

"Now I know that you are forced in all this. And let me tell you. I am not going to love you. Not now, not ever. And yes I am stuck to my dead girlfriend. She was everything to me and I am not willing to move to another woman with half-ass feelings like yours. So, please. I understand that you are doing your job and I am doing mine, so we will get married at the end. But that is not my priority." I was cold. Hell, I started to hate her more now. Her eyes got darker than before and her tears disappeared. She was smiling? No, she was smirking, evilly. She threw her blond hair back in a very sassy way and looked down on me. How dare she?

"Hm…? You won't ever love me? Who do you think that you are? Half-ass feelings? We are doing our jobs? You have no idea what are you talking about! You have no idea about me, but I promise you one thing Akashi Seijuro! I am going to make you fall for me and make you run after me with all your might!" she declared with great confidence and left the room laughing.

'Did she really do that?'

'Apparently yes...'

/*Anna's POV*/

I understand. I totally understand him. I would do the same with him. And what was that half-ass promise that I made? What am I? A thirsty whore who needs attention? Well done Anna. Well done. I am so helpless. I hate all this. But why am I so into this? I mean I could just talk to young Akashi and finish with all this. We could actually help each other, but I get worked up every time she is mentioned. Why do I care so much about him still being stuck to a dead girl? It's his life, isn't it? And I have someone that I care about, Makoto. So why am I so angry right now? Why am I so fed up? Damn it!

"Anna?" I heard a familiar voice that made me forget about everything.

"Makoto?" I exclaimed happily. "Why are you here? I mean all the way to Kyoto!"

"Hm? I thought that he might refuse to accompany you to the festival or sakura viewing so I came to take you there… of course, if you want me to," he said slowly with a bright smile. Oh how much I loved that man! He was tall, handsome, kind, with beautiful brown hair and brown eyes like chocolate. Not that snob short idiot with the red hair and red eyes and hot smile. Wait, what?

"Yes! I would love that! Let's go!" I smiled at him and we both walked towards the festival which was held a few blocks away. I was so happy with only being next to him and walking like that. I would occasionally glare at his face to see his expressions only to turn again as he was looking at me making me all jelly.

"So… how is it going with your arranged marriage?" he asked me all of a sudden.

"I… no good. He is still in love with his dead girlfriend. I mean after four years… she is gone. He needs to continue with his life..." I said slowly. He really had to move on.

"I see… I guess that he really loved her. For him to still think of her and not let go, she must have really meant a lot to him." his tone was painful and full of regret. I looked at him worried.

"Say, Anna. Do you know what real love is?" he asked again making me jump.

"No..."

"I see… you see true love is when someone loves someone else so much that he would do anything to keep that person happy even if that person is in love with someone else. But also true love is what he has for that girl you don't like. He hasn't forgotten about her in those four years, right?"

I nodded.

"Ah… true love. When you fall in love with someone you will understand Anna."

I nodded again and I stayed silent. He was talking like he had someone he loved and she crushed his heart but he still loved her. I felt so envious of her. Yes… that is what I was feeling all this time.

I was jealous. I was jealous of that girl that even dead she had someone who loved her so much that he was willing to throw his life just for the sake of her love.

I was jealous of a dead person. I wanted to be loved by someone like Seijuro was loving that girl. I wanted that love. I looked at Makoto again. I wanted him to love me like that.

But I am asking for so many things….

There is no way that he will ever love me….

And that was the new chapter! I hope that i didn't let you down!

Thank you again for your support! Please review! ^_^ See ya next chapter!