The sun was halfway up the sky, throwing shadows of spindly trees diagonally across the trail. The birds were in full chorus, but their chatter was drowned out by the clatter of Donkey's mouth as he walked along next to Shrek.
"...but that reminds me! One thing I always wondered about, Shrek. Ogres have green skin, green fingernails, green ears, green earwax: I figured ogres would bleed green. But when you had that little incident with the arrow in yer..."
"Skip ahead, Donkeh," Shrek growled, delivering Donkey a swift swat to the rump.
"… and anyway, as I was sayin', jus' before I fainted, I saw yo blood was red, which was not what I was expectin', I can tell you that much! Is that just from yo backside, or is all yo blood red?
"Have you ever heard the saying 'there's no such thing as a stupid question,' Donkeh?"
"Yeah?" Donkey asked optimistically.
"Yah. Well, it's wrong." Shrek's mouth collapsed into a grim line.
"So yo blood is all red, then. Alright. I get it. So like if you were to blush, your face wouldn't turn more green, it'd turn more red."
Shrek rolled his eyes. "Do ah seem like the kinda ogre that would blush, Donkeh!?"
"Well, ah, no. I was jus' thinkin' out loud."
"Yeh can say that again," Shrek muttered quietly. "Wait, no, on second thought..."
"Hmm. Yeah, now that you mention it, Fiona's cheeks do get kinda reddish when she's embarrassed. Or angry. You know, like when Captain Fancy Pants invited us but you told her we definitely were not going to Far Far Away." Shrek's lips pulled down into a grimace.
"Or like at dinner when you told off her dad for locking her in the tower!" Shrek ground his teeth.
"Or I know! Like when you yelled at her little doggy!"
"Are. Ye. Quite. Done. Donkeh?" Shrek said, through gritted teeth.
But Donkey had already leaped up off all four hooves, shouting "LOOK AT ME I AM AN OOOOGRE!" Donkey jumped in a big galloping gait, breaking away across the pasture. "I'm oooogre!" gallop gallop "an oooogre!" his voice fading.
"Aye. Ah know," Shrek muttered to himself, ears adroop.
Thirty yards away, Donkey's charade dwindled to a belly laugh and his gait settled down into a trot. He turned around, "well, you comin', you big scary ogre?" he called back across the meadow.
"Ahm comin'," Shrek called. He'd like to insult the ass for mocking him, but honestly, the mocking was well-deserved.
A dozen more paces and Shrek caught up with Donkey, who fell back into place beside him and picked right up where he left off. "Or sad, actually. I'll bet her cheeks were really red when she was leanin' on the outside of the door to her own room, cryin', and you can't even be bothered to do anything about it." Donkey looked up at Shrek with an accusing glare.
"How'd youknow she was just outside the door?" Shrek probed.
"I got ears Shrek," Donkey said, eyes rolling up to indicate his swiveling, furry ears.
"Well what could ah do, Donkeh? The damage was done."
"Oh, I dunno, maybe … apologize?" Donkey guessed.
"That's just it, Donkeh. Ah could've apologized, but that wouldn't change the fact that I hurt her."
"True that," Donkey allowed, "but at least then she'd have known that you knew that you'd hurt her." Donkey screwed up his face, confused at his own sentence. "If you know what I mean."
"Aye," Shrek admitted in a lowered tone. "But yah know, Donkey, my brain's perfectly good at remindin' me of all mah own mistakes; do I really need a donkey playing 'Shrek's Greatest Misses' back for me, too?"
Donkey continued oblivious. "I mean, maybe if you two had made amends, you wouldn't have gone off to get murdered by a kitten."
"Oh ah dunno, Donkeh," Shrek answered, a bit of confidence returning to his voice. "As ah recall, ah was jus' takin' old Harold up on his offer. Ah like t'think ah'd have done the same for Fiona even if ah wasn't in the doghouse."
"That's a great point, Shrek!" Donkey said, "Why didn't she make you sleep in the doghouse!? That was sho' a surprise to me! Even after taking all that crap from you about dragging her back home against her will," – Shrek growled – "I heard that while we were gone, Fiona decided she'd rather take you back home than stay with her own family!"
"The family that abandoned her and then tried to murder her groom? That family?" Shrek challenged. He'd caused a lot of trouble that day, but it was hard taking the all blame when Harold had actually planned a murder.
"Hey, she didn't know what Harold and Puss had goin' down when she decided that. That was just straight up pure forgiveness and some wise insight into human nature! ...oh, uh, sorry." Donkey lowered his eyes. "I mean, ogre nature." His confidence rebounded instantly. "I know wisdom when I see it, see, 'cuz Donkeys are wise!"
"Aye, she has had a fair degree of forgivin' me t'do," Shrek said, his tone very low, his walk decayed to a shuffle.
Shrek's tone grabbed Donkey's attention. "Uh oh. Watchu got to tell me this time, ya brute?"
"Ah, nuthin!" Shrek said too loudly, resuming his pace.
"Whoah, hold it right there, onion boy, you usually makin' other people cry." Donkey turned 180 on the spot, blocked Shrek's progress, and furrowed his brow. "What's gotten under your papery brown skin?"
"Ah, hah hah … nothin', Donkeh. Ah was just … it's nuthin'!" Shrek forced a grin, shrugged, and stepped diagonally off the path to route around his furry pal.
Donkey was having none of it. Front hooves planted in place, he swiveled his hindquarters to block Shrek's progress. He bent his neck halfway around to glower up at the ogre. "Now see, there you go, blocking again!"
"Ahm not blocking!" Shrek shouted, throwing up his hands. "You're the one blocking, Donkeh; see how ah'm trying to walk down the trail, and you're blocking it." Shrek, now facing perpendicular to the trail, casually pivoted the ass's ass around his front legs like a gate on its hinges, and stepped back onto the trail.
Donkey gave an exaggerated, exasperated groan, and galloped around Shrek in an arc until he was right back on the trail in front of Shrek, interrupting his progress again. "Yes you is! I know when somethin's goin' on wichu, Shrek, and that somewhen is now. You just stop right there and 'fess up."
Shrek winced, sighed, and dropped his shoulders in defeat. He took a deep breath. He hung an arm on the back of his neck, and looked away from Donkey, down at the side of the trail. "Look, Donkeh, yesterday ah hurt Fiona."
"YOU HURT A PRINCESS!?" Donkey exclaimed, appalled.
"AH KNOW! Ah know. It was awful. Ah was wrong. It'was a mistake. Ah was angry, but ah took it out on her. Ah felt awful, and ah still do." Shrek hung his head.
"You sho is lucky she's a nice princess, Shrek! Some women, you cross 'em, they might just breath fire on your hindquarters!" Donkey said, glancing back at his tail with a grimace.
"This is serious, Donkeh! Do ye wanna hear it or not!?" Shrek leaned as if to take a step on down the trail.
"Alright, alright. You hurt a princess. But this princess, she can take care of herself, and I don't see no bruises on you," Donkey said, examining Shrek carefully.
"No, no, no! Not like that, Donkeh. Ah'd never do that," Shrek defended himself, palms out. As he said it, guilt rose up in his throat: crushing her feelings was every bit as bad as striking her. "Ah took mah anger out on 'er when all she was doin' was tryin' t'care for me."
"Huh, that sounds a little familiar," said Donkey, with an exaggerated look off to the woods, recalling his own mistreatment. He mumbled, "I've heard that can happen sometimes," not at all expecting Shrek to make the connection. "... but you said she forgave you, right? That's a good sign, means you must'a apologized! That's great, Shrek! You gettin' better!"
"Ah have to admit, Donkey," Shrek said, wringing his hands restlessly, "it was actually you makin' me apologize back at th' swamp that went through mah head yesterday."
"Yeah, I've heard donkeys have a good record on forgiving ogres, too," Donkey said playfully, trying to go easy on Shrek's conscience.
"Actually, that's just it, Donkeh. "Ye asked me for an apology, and ye got one," said Shrek. Donkey squinted suspiciously. "And ah was sincere! Ye saved the day. If it weren't for yer stubborn head, Fiona would be Mrs. Faarquad and ah'd be alone in my half'a th' swamp." Shrek fiddled with his belt. The whole conversation was painfully awkward.
"Well, Mrs. Decapitated Faarquad, maybe," Donkey allowed.
"Ah mean, t'thing is, it wasn't entirely altruistic, as there was a princess in it fer me," Shrek said quietly, almost to himself. "Well anyway," Shrek resumed too loudly, "ah just wanted t'say I thought'a that yesterday." Shrek started along the trail again, trying to drop a hint that it would be just fine by him if the conversation were over.
Donkey fell into step beside Shrek, looking up at him brightly. "Wow, that's really great of you to notice that, Shrek! I didn't even realize that maybe you wasn't bein' entirely sincere. That's showin' a lotta maturity for a foul, cantankerous ogre!" Donkey turned his head forward just in time to miss Shrek's withering glower, and prattled on. "I'm really proud o' you, Shrek! You know, some people they just say what they gotta say and then they git on with they lives without another thought, but you, you got those extra layers that kick in right when you need 'em and really make a Donkey cry!"
"Do ye have t'rub it in, Donkey?" Shrek interrupted, exasperated. He stopped walking again. Donkey was right, in the most oblivious way. As usual. It had been Donkey's good advice and generosity that saved the day in Duloc, and that same advice had helped Shrek turn the corner yesterday. Shrek heaved a sigh, and in a gentler tone, said, "Look, Donkeh. Ah did mean it, and ah still do. Ah'm genuinely grateful t'yeh, and ah'm glad yeh forgave me."
"Hey, that's what friends are for, right?" Donkey said, with a twinkle in his eye.
"Thanks Donkey." Shrek tucked a great arm around Donkey's long neck and rubbed his head with a knuckle affectionately, if just a smidgen too hard. They resumed their walk, this time in step.
"Ye know," said Shrek. "There was still somethin' in the bargain for me."
"What could that be?" asked Donkey, skeptically. "You already got all the princess you can handle!"
Shrek rolled his eyes up to the forest canopy, not quite ready to say what he was thinking. What he said was, "Ah got a talk-radio station. That won't turn off." What he thought was, Ah got mah best friend.
Author's Note
Shrek's an introvert, that has helped him survive decades of loneliness. But growing up alone has taught him habits that only work when nobody you care about is nearby. This story narrows that problem down to how Shrek deals with ogre-sized frustration. When he was alone, he could storm around and throw things at inanimate objects, and it didn't matter. As a spouse, it's too easy to vent your anger on your partner; he's got to learn to control that.
Building a relationship with Fiona is full of new experiences, but Shrek needs to establish some new foundational capabilities that people from well-socialized families might take for granted. It's a good thing Fiona is strong, true, and patient, or this relationship wouldn't have made it very far.
Huge thanks to hanny spoon again for previewing this new story and making excellent observations and suggestions that took it from a rough idea to something that works while keeping the characters in line. And for sharing fresh perspectives that show me things I didn't see before; I hope those things come through in this and future stories.