Note: the title of this chapter and of the previous one are from the song "The end of the world" by Skeeter Davis.

"Hello, I'm talking from New Village Hospital. Is this Rachel Green?"

She didn't cry, she didn't revolt, she didn't cry out in pain. She felt nothing, she couldn't feel anything, just emptiness. Nothing else matters, nothing else makes sense. She would've liked to be able to close her eyes and when she opened them again it would all have been just a nightmare. But it was impossible. It happened. She lost everything, including herself. So now what was left was to move away from what no longer belonged to her, from what perhaps never belonged to her.

"I already said. I don't have a good feeling lately, Rach. I don't know what it is, i just know is something bad"

Phoebe knew. Her friend commented for weeks about strange sensations but Rachel didn't take it seriously.

She was part of her, the correct thing was that she felt herself if something was going to happen, not Phoebe. So why was it like this?

She should have paid attention to her friend. But she didn' gave her a second chance to prevent it. Playground? She had a childhood trauma, of course she wouldn't allow it.

But she allowed it. She thought everything was fine.

Now nothing else is fine.

Maybe she is still the "queen Rachel" who does everything she wants and doesn't think of anyone else, nor of whom she loves most.

"We're here to see Leonard Green and Emma Geller-Green," said Ross breathlessly in an equally tearful and desperate tone as he arrived at the hospital reception as he held Rachel's hands tightly and was accompanied by Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Joey, all of them equally nervous."

It was late at night when she opened her eyes, which were closed only for the purpose of reflection, since she had purposely not slept that night. She turned to the opposite side of the bed and saw Ross sleeping soundly with his face to the wall. She realized that they were lying at significant distances from each other in bed. It wasn't intentional. But that's how things have been between them since it all happened, about a month ago. They were distant one from another. They barely spoke to each other or touched each other- not even for a kiss or a comforting hug. Sometimes she realized that he was trying to get closer, but she was unable to reciprocate. She knew he was also suffering. But for her, he was part of everything. Everything she thought she was doing right, but now it seemed to have all been in vain.

"Mrs Green, your father suffered a sudden illness while driving and lost consciousness behind the wheel. The car ended up being hit by another vehicle that was right behind.

We cannot tell you the exact cause of the sudden illness because, in reality, it's usually a manifestation of previous health problems such as cardiovascular disease and sometimes also appears associated with unhealthy habits, such as cigarettes.

In addition, usually the sudden illness is accompanied by a malaise about an hour before it's occurrence.

I know it is a difficult time for you but for proper care at this time I need to know if your father has or had any of these problems.

Mrs Green? Are you listening to me?

Mrs Green? Do you feel well? "

She entered Central Perk for the first time dressed as a bride, running away. She was a very selfish and immature girl, not that those characteristics have disappeared over the years but she could say that she did become more mature, she started to consider more the feelings of others, she found herself professionally and become independent, she discovered true friendships and above all, she met real love, made concrete in Ross and her daughter. But ... why was all this proportionate for her, if everything would soon be taken away in a minute? Well, not everything, but the most important one.

Maybe she shouldn't have left her old life, maybe her place in the world was to remain "Queen Rachel" ... Or not. Perhaps her place in the world is to keep running away, keep running till she finds temporary happiness. Then would come the moment she would feel lost again and would end up running one more time.

"You'll! You're gonna pick it up. Hey! You will! Uh look, y'know when you first came to the city? You were this spoiled helpless little girl who-who still used daddy's credit card. Do you remember? Look at you! You're-you're this big executive! You are much more capable than you give yourself credit for. I-I have no doubt you're gonna be an incredible mother."

While still looking at Ross beside her in bed, she remembered his words during Emma's baby shower. Words that comforted her heart at the time. But now she sees that he was wrong.

Rachel gets up from bed and takes the two small suitcases she had prepared days before and hidden in Emma's closet in her old bedroom. She knew he wouldn't look there. They both started to avoid entering that room.

For a moment she wished he had found the suitcases, wished he had questioned her, wished he had stopped her and finally convinced her that everything would be okay. Deep down, though, she knew it wasn't going to happen.

No, she didn't have been an incredible mother.

Minutes later she had already changed her clothes and remained sitting on the floor of the living room, her legs stretched out and, in her eyes, fixed on the suitcases, a vague and tired look. After a few more moments he got up and went to her and Ross's room, where she left two letters that she wrote that night: one for Ross and another one for Monica. She couldn't say goodbye in person. Everything would be much more difficult, and besides, she didn't want to be questioned by them and risk doubt about her decision. She knew it was the best thing to do.

"Mrs. Green", said the doctor about an hour after the six friends arrived at the hospital "Fortunately your father is stable, we were able to resuscitate him and stabilize the injuries resulting from the shock of the accident. "

"What about my daughter?" She needs to know. She wants her daughter. Emma is also stable. Of course she is. In a few moments she will pick up her daughter and fight with Ross about how dangerous the playgrounds are, he will deny telling her that it was all coincidence and then everything will be the same again.

But then the pause came.

She knew.

Things would never be the same again.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Green"

She didn't cry, she didn't revolt, she didn't cry out in pain. She felt nothing, she couldn't feel anything, just emptiness.

"I'm sorry, Ross. I'm so confused, I'm feeling empty. Our relationship, our marriage, us... I just can't. The memory of Emma. I just can't. I can't do anything, not right now, maybe not even later... I don't know.

You said that we weren't like the others, but maybe all the obstacles that came our way were actually showing us how we weren't meant to be... If we were, why would that happen?

I will always remember you, you made me happy, truly happy . But now it's over. It's how it needs to be. We both know that we will not be able to deal with the pain, at least not if we are together. The memories will always come up again and so will the pain. She is was part of us.

Please forgive me. I'm not going to ask you to understand me because not even me knows for sure what I'm doing, I just don't wanna make you suffer I just know we both are going to suffer a lot more if we're together.

You are a wonderful man, I wish from the bottom of my heart that you find happiness again. With someone else maybe.

Don't look for me, I need to be alone, I need to stay away from here.

Again, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being able to say in this letter everything I would like to, everything you deserved to hear after all these years, after all our history, but the words, the feelings, they're all gone. I'm sorry I can't make you happy. I'm sorry for us.

Goodbye, Ross. I love you. Be happy. "

Rachel leaves the letters on one of the bed pillows and when she was leaving the room, she turns back to Ross, who was still asleep, and she starts to whispers "I lov...", but she suddenly stops. She couldn't. No tears came out of her eyes. She couldn't feel anything, just emptiness.

"Goodbye, Ross. I'm sorry "

and headed for the door.