This is a direct sequel to my last fanfic, Sugar High. You don't have to read it.

If you're wondering what compelled me to write this, just blame it on the eggnog.

A tall, lanky man clad in purple trudged down a dirt path leading through a graveyard. He had a wicked 'stache growing under his nose that would put black and white silent movie villains to shame. It wasn't his intention to look like a villain, that's just how it grew in naturally. His wife liked it, so he left it alone. His 'stache didn't weigh very heavily on his mind at the moment though, because he was trudging through a graveyard, and that would be a weird thing to be obsessing about in a situation like that. He was currently making his way to a specific grave in order to pay his respects. Eventually he found the grave in question and approached it slowly, staring down at the tombstone with a solemn gaze.

Luigi Mario

All that was written on Luigi's tombstone was his name. He didn't have any surviving family members that would give him a proper funeral. They didn't even bury him near his brother, but maybe that was for the best.

Waluigi shed a single manly tear for the poor green Italian wahoo man before unzipping his pants and paying his respects all over the grave. He let out a satisfied "Wahhhh" as he relieved himself.

Waluigi, as people had started calling him — much to his chagrin, since his birth name was Clarence — due to him looking similar to Luigi, but if he went to Gitmo and got stretched out on a torture rack — was, in fact, not a funny Italian wahoo man like the Mario brothers; He was just a professional athlete trying to make a name for himself and provide a comfortable life for his wife. Waluigi didn't even know what 'Italian' was, because the Italy the Mario brothers always used to speak of didn't exist on any maps in the Mushroom Kingdom or it's neighboring lands. He was pretty sure they just made it up while on drugs. The Mario brothers used to do a lot of drugs. Waluigi thought that doing drugs was almost as bad as cheating at sports. He never liked the Mario brothers because they did a lot of drugs and cheated at sports.

After Waluigi gave the fallen player two's final resting place a golden shower, he zipped up his pants to regain his public decency and then paid his actual respects properly, out of begrudging obligation. He was in the dead man's debt, as twisted as the reasoning was, and he was an honorable and forgiving man of God. He just couldn't help himself sometimes. Everyone sinned on occasion, he'd just have to make sure to mention it at confession.

Admittedly he didn't completely disdain Luigi like he did the red one. At least Luigi wasn't a violent jerk that was constantly in and out of prison for physically abusing his girlfriends. Actually, it was probably Mario's fault that Luigi ended up the way he did. Maybe that's why he killed himself in the end. Waluigi thought that was a little sad, but Luigi still did drugs and cheated at sports. He could forgive Luigi, but that didn't mean he liked Luigi.

After he was done, Waluigi departed the graveyard the way he arrived. He got in his car and drove back home. A song he liked was playing on the radio, and the weather was still nice. It was a pleasant drive.

Some time later he pulled into the driveway of a huge Victorian mansion and parked his car in it's usual spot, before getting out and making his way to the front door. There was a newspaper on the porch, so Waluigi scooped it up and took a glance at the front page on his way inside.

King Kamek Signs New Marijuana Trade Deal With the Beanbean Kingdom

Waluigi sighed and shook his head. Since both Peach and Bowser were dead, Bowser's second in command — Kamek — took the throne and united the two kingdoms under one banner of peace. He was very popular with most people after legalizing recreational marijuana. Waluigi didn't like drugs, but he had to concede that bringing peace between the two kingdoms was probably worth the cost, all things considering. At least there were no more wars or kidnappings. And well, pot wasn't nearly as bad as the 'magic' mushrooms and the 'super' stars that the Mario brothers passed around like candy on Halloween, so it was probably the lesser of two evils. Some people liked to argue for it's medical benefits, but Waluigi never really put much stock into it. Still, it's not like there was anything that he could do about it either. He skipped the article to read the second headline.

Potential Smoke Man Sighting — The Dickcopter Lives Again

Waluigi rolled his eyes. Just more of that silly urban legend again. Waluigi could never understand how people could believe such ridiculous claims so easily. Then again, lots of people said the same thing about his blind faith in God, so maybe he was a bit of a hypocrite. He briefly pondered on whether he should bring that up at confession next time as well.

He passed through the main foyer of the mansion he now called home and navigated his way to the kitchen, where he dropped the newspaper on the counter and forgot about it.

"Oh, Clarence, you're home from practice," Waluigi's wife, who was already in the kitchen preparing dinner, welcomed him, "You came back later than usual today."

Waluigi seated himself in one of the chairs at the table and faced his wife. "Yeah, sorry Daisy. I stopped at the graveyard to visit...well...y'know..." he trailed off, shrugging his shoulders.

"Oh. Luigi, you mean." Daisy couldn't help but recoil a little, the details of the incident still fresh in her mind, despite how long ago it occured. "It's been five years since then, huh?" Daisy still remembered vividly the day she recieved the news. Her best friend was discovered dead alongside Mario Mario the funny Italian wahoo man and an oddly erotic female Bowser with huge breasts, completely naked and drowned to death in Bowser's own blood. Nobody knew what exactly happened in Bowser's bedroom that day. Daisy was pretty sure she didn't want to know.

"Yeah, I guess it has. I see you're still not completely over it though," Waluigi responded.

"No...I guess not," Daisy said quietly.

The worst of it was after Luigi committed suicide. They found his body hanging from a noose, with a crusty semen-filled sock glued around his penis, a well-used photo of Daisy herself, and a will signing all of his worldly possessions over to her for some reason. The news shocked her so badly that she vowed to change her lifestyle, shut down her onlyfans account, and found God. She sold most of the valuables she inherited to a pawn shop in order to help kick-start her new life, but retained the deed to the mansion, because real estate was hard to come by nowadays, and it was already paid off. Besides, there were a lot of silly, unfounded rumors about it being haunted, and nobody had wanted to buy it anyway.

Waluigi got up and moved to Daisy's side, and pulled her closer to him, with his arm around her shoulders to comfort her. "It's okay, these kinds of things take a long time to move past. I'll be here to support you the entire way."

"Yes." Daisy returned her husband's embrace, and gave him a small kiss on his nose. "Thank you, Clarence."

Some time after her lifestyle change, she met Waluigi, who was actually an upstanding devout Christian named Clarence who worked as a professional athlete and was very good at sports, and they fell in love and eventually got married. Waluigi didn't mind her past life, because Daisy was a good woman who was just corrupted by Peach's negative influence and the sweet temptation of easy money, and she was now working hard to be a better person.

"Oh." Daisy parted from her husband's arms. "Your brother is still coming over for dinner today, right?" Waluigi's brother, Edmund, was subject to the same misnaming woes that Waluigi was. Due to resembling a fatter, meaner looking Mario, everyone took to calling him Wario, and there were many negative rumors surrounding him. Unlike his brother, Wario didn't mind it as much; Rather, he found it pretty amusing. Wario was indeed a man who enjoyed the benefits of money, but he wasn't a bad person like people who didn't know him well believed. He resided as the president of a company that developed video games. It was a company he built from the ground up with the help of a couple of friends and relatives, after dropping out of college. He wasn't good at academics, but he was good at making things happen.

"Yes," Waluigi answered, "he should be here shortly." Waluigi opened a cabinet and pulled out a set of dishes, as Daisy returned her attention to the food she was preparing. "I'll set the table."

"Ah, that'll be a big help. Thanks."

Some time later, the doorbell rang out signifying the arrival of their guest. Waluigi went to answer the door and invite his brother Wario inside. The door swung open, revealing the shorter (though everyone was shorter next to Waluigi), heavyset man. Wario, always a jovial one, was sporting a large grin.

"Hey, Ed. I'm glad you could make it." Waluigi stepped aside to allow his brother to pass, and Wario graciously took the gestured offer. "You're right on time. Daisy should be just about finished with dinner now."

"Wahaha! Nice to see you too, Clare. Like I would miss out on your wife's cooking." The two brothers chitchatted idly as Waluigi led his brother to the kitchen. "I can't pass up an actual home-cooked meal. I'll admit I'm a little jealous. I really have to find a nice woman that can cook as well as Daisy can."

"I'm sure there's someone out there for you, but there's always a seat for you at our table in the meanwhile," responded Waluigi.

"Yeah, I'll always be appreciative of that."

When they reached the kitchen, Daisy was already in the middle of dishing out the meal. She smiled at the two of them when they entered the room. "Hey there Edmund, hope you're hungry!"

Wario replied with a hearty laugh. "I'm always hungry when you're the one cooking. Is that garlic I smell?"

Daisy gave him a wink. "Of course. I seasoned the chicken with it, since I knew you were coming."

"Ah, you know me too well." The two brothers took their seats at the table while Daisy finished serving the meal. After she was done, she took her own seat as well. "It smells good, and it looks good. I'm sure it'll taste even better."

After situating themselves at the table, and saying grace, the trio began to eat in earnest, while enjoying light conversation.

"So, Ed — How's the business lately?"

"Wahaha, things have been going pretty well actually—"

As Waluigi enjoyed a peaceful dinner with his loved ones, he couldn't help but think that he was truly blessed.

The End

Bonus Epilogue:

Somewhere nestled in the deepest and darkest corner of the Forever Forest, a strange, muscular, Arabian man formed entirely of dark smoke stood in front of an oddly placed anvil. On top of the anvil was a finely crafted long sword forged out of an unknown metal. It was radiating mystical arcane energies.

The smoke man hammered the sword a few extra times for good measure with a bizarre smithing hammer that appeared to be comprised of the same ethereal smoke that he was. After he worked on it to his satisfaction, he took a step back and looked over his work one more time.

"It's been five long years. After I finish imbuing this blade with my powers, my task will finally be finished." The Arabian smoke man began gyrating his hips in a circular pattern, and his giant smoky wang began fanning in a circular pattern, generating great magical power. Once his dong was operating at full speed, a laser shot from his crotch into the sword, causing it to glow with magnificent lavender aura.

"There, it is done. I must now hurry, there isn't much time remaining."

The man of smoke picked up the blade he put so much effort into forging and dissipated into the darkness.