"Good morning."
JJ turned around, the cup of coffee in both of her hands. She clung to it like to a life raft.
"Good morning, Emily", she greeted back. "Did you sleep well?"
"Yes, thank you very much", I lied. Without the effects of the alcohol, I was feeling a bit self-conscious, and when JJ's gaze met mine, I was suddenly very aware of her lack of clothing. She was wearing a white, oversized shirt that you could almost see through, and a pair of Lilo & Stitch briefs.
"Nice print", I said before I could stop myself. JJ blushed heavily, and to ease the situation I winked at her, after which she turned an even deeper shade of red.
"Nice going, Prentiss."
"Coffee?" JJ asked, ignoring my comment.
"Yes please, and thank you so much for your hospitality", I said, trying to convey how deeply I appreciated JJ's kindness and trust. She had, after all, let a strange woman into her apartment and allowed her to stay overnight.
I lazily sipped at my coffee, and JJ excused herself. I offered her a reassuring smile as she left the kitchen, but I could tell she was still embarrassed about her Disney underwear. I wish I could tell her there was no reason to. If anything, it was endearing, and to an extent that made my heart ache, because I desperately wanted to hug her now.
"Well isn't this just terrific."
"Shut up!" I tried to silence my inner judge. In that moment, my cellphone rang, and I was relieved about the interruption.
"Prentiss?"
Some minutes later, my boss Hotch hung up, and though I didn't want to show it, I felt elated at the prospect of spending more time with JJ.
"Who was that?" JJ was back in the kitchen, wearing grey sweatpants with a white CM Logo.
"My boss, he gave me the day off!" I chanted happily, which made JJ giggle. She then turned serious, as she seemed to consider something that had just sprung to her mind. Her eyes searched for mine, and there was a new expression in them I couldn't quite decipher, despite of practically reading other people's minds and emotions for a living.
"Would you like to spend the day with me?"
Her question made me choke on my coffee.
"21, she's 21 and she's straight... Or isn't she?"
"I would love to", I said hoarsely, and coughed.
"Don't say I didn't warn you..."
"Great! I have a lecture from 8-10, but we have the whole day afterwards. Unless you... uh, have errands to run or something."
"A student. She's a student."
"So? I have friends who are still in college, it's no big deal."
"Friends, right. Because this is where this is going."
"You know what? Bite me."
"Classy. You're obviously attracted to that girl, a blind person could see it. And if you have any decency, you'll step away now, before it's too late."
"Emily?" JJ was eyeing me worriedly through big blue orbs. I reached for my cup of coffee to buy some time, but the coffee had gone cold already.
"Yes, sorry", I replied meekly. "I was just having a little tête-à-tête with my conscience." I expected JJ to laugh, but she didn't, she just nodded and continued to look at me, waiting for me to elaborate.
"Here's the deal, JJ..."
"Oh God, that sounds awful. Like I'm going to reject her after an job interview or something."
"I want to be honest with you", I tried again. "The possibility of spending more time with you and getting to know you better sounds tempting and under normal circumstances, I would be thrilled, but I... I can't", I finished lamely. I stared at my hands, not wanting to look JJ in the eye.
"Why not?" It was a simple question, but JJ's voice had gone up an octave and I felt awful for praying she wouldn't start to cry.
"She deserves to know the truth."
"Because I'm gay!" I blurted out.
"I already know that." JJ's voice was steady, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I took a quick glance at her, and then continued to talk to my hands.
"Let me put it this way. Would you still want to be friends if I were a guy who was attracted to you?"
"You're not a guy."
"That's not the point here."
"Just say it already, be straight with her!"
"Very funny!"
"Are you saying you're attracted to me?" JJ's voice was husky, and I forced myself to look up to her, knowing that my eyes would betray me and give her the answer she wanted to hear. JJ's gaze was soft, and my fear of rejection melted away.
"Take me out on a date, then."
I could literally feel the color drain from my face.
"You're 21", I remarked stupidly. "Are you even into girls?"
"You're allowed to break your own rules from time to time, Emily", JJ stated with a firm voice. "So what, I'm a little younger than you, I'm old enough to know what I want..."
"And what would that be?"
"A date. Just one date. With you."
"You didn't answer my question", I pointed out.
"I honestly don't know", she said quietly. "Two months ago, I still had a boyfriend, Spence. He's sweet and gentle, and incredibly smart, but it took me a while to realise we work better as friends... In high school, there was Larry, he was an athlete and I was in the soccer team, so we had that in common, but not much else. He wanted to have sex, I wanted to wait, so he dumped me for my 'friend' Liza... Aside from a kiss in kindergarten, there's not much else to tell. God, you must think I'm pathetic..."
I jumped up from my barstool and rushed over to her.
"Don't even go there", I told her, running both my hands over her upper arms to reassure her. "That Larry sounds like an idiot. You're ready when you're ready and nobody should feel pressured into having sex with someone, not in a marriage, or in relationship, or ever."
JJ flashed a small half-smile at me.
"I was talking about my general lack of experience in that area", she admitted, and I thought how cute she looked, even when she was flustered.
"Again, nothing wrong with that", I said. "People are different, and that's the beauty of life. I had to grow up quickly, and there are some experiences I wish I hadn't had to go through as a young person..." I paused. "I wouldn't be where I am now without them, I wouldn't be here with you... I know they sound like trite phrases, but I think they're true nonetheless. Now, about that date..."
JJ's face brightened up, and my urge to hug her intensified. After all, my hands were still on her arms, I was inches away from her, all I had to do was come closer and put my arms around her...
"Prentiss!"
I let go of JJ and went back to my seat. If we were going to do this, I wanted to do it properly, and rushing things wasn't going to help. JJ's expressive eyes were mesmerising to say the least, but I wasn't going to kiss her without taking her on a proper date first.
"JJ, I want you to know what you're getting yourself into", I said. "I haven't had a serious relationship in years, and I'm not sure I want one at this point in my life. I'm not assuming you want one, I just want to make my intentions clear from the beginning. I've had to reject girls before because they wanted something more serious and I wasn't ready, and I would hate to do that to you."
"Why are you agreeing to this again?"
I took a deep breath and continued. "I'm not sure what you expect to get out of this, if anything at all, but I think we should talk about it beforehand so no one gets hurt."
We went silent, and I could almost hear JJ think about what I had said.
"I'm not sure if I have any expectations", she said sincerely. "I just want to go on a date with you, talk, have some fun, and see where it goes from there... Relax, go with the flow, you know?"
Evidently, I didn't know. If I hadn't this strong self-restraint, we would probably already be making out, and God knows what else.
"Stop it", my inner voice warned me.
"Stop what?"
"Stop assuming she would want to kiss you, or sleep with you, just because she wants one date. It's exactly this kind of entitled mindset you've always loathed in men, and yet here you are..."
"Ok, I'll tell you what", I said a little louder than was needed, just to shut up my inner critic for a while. "I'll pick the restaurant, I happen to know a great place near my flat that serves the most delicious food, but you'll be the one in control, all right? If I say or do something that makes you even the tiniest bit uncomfortable, I want you to tell me, and if you come back from your lecture and decide this was a bad idea, that's okay too."
JJ went very pale.
"JJ?"
"I have to go to class!" she exclaimed, taking a look at her cellphone. "Damn, I'm going to be late!" She hastily manoeuvred our plates and cups into the sink and stormed out of the kitchen. A few seconds later, she was back, breathless, and handed me a small piece of paper.
"My number", she explained, catching her breath. "I'm sorry, I have to hurry, Professor Rossi is very strict... See you later, Emily." She proceeded to plant a quick kiss on my cheek, and even after she was gone I felt my skin burn at that particular spot. After I had washed the dishes, I sat in front of the TV, trying not to read too much into JJ's kiss. Friends, family and even strangers greeted each other this way in a lot of countries, I told myself.
"Still think going on a date with her is a good idea?" the voice sniggered.