New Memories: A Bartowski Christmas

By Steampunk . Chuckster

A/N: Thanks for the kind words. Here's part 5.

Disclaimer: I don't own the show and I'm not making money.

Chuck fidgeted a little as he watched Sarah shrug her coat on and pull her hair out from the collar with a singular graceful movement of her hands. He couldn't read her very well at the moment and it was making him nervous.

He knew there was a fifty-fifty chance she was either confused and upset with him or confused and upset in general. He was worried it was the former, but either way, it wasn't how he had wanted this to go.

"Sarah?"

"What?"

She didn't look at him.

"Can we talk about this a little more? Please?"

She stopped buttoning her coat and sighed, turning to look at him with pursed lips, her eyes still unreadable except that he knew she wasn't happy at the moment. He patted the bed next to him as she reluctantly crossed to his side and sat heavily. "I'm not mad at you, Chuck. I know you think I am, but I'm not."

"You're not?"

"No! Of course I'm not." She sighed heavily. "I don't expect you to ignore my mom and…my…Molly…" She swallowed. "Just because I'm having a hard time digesting that whole situation."

"It's just that she's not even seven years old yet and I think it would be difficult for her to understand not getting at least a card from us. And when I saw the LEGOs, I couldn't not get them for her. It just seemed like something she would really enjoy. And it's somethin' we can all do togeth—Ahem." He swallowed and moved on. "Not that I really know her all that well yet. We've only spent time with your mom and your—uh, Molly—a handful of times. But I didn't want her to think we'd forgotten her, you know? She's not old enough to get what the Intersect is, or what happened to you, or how hard it is for you to…digest." Chuck covered his face with his hands, then pushed them through his hair. "Sorry. I'm rambling. I just want you to know, I'm not trying to force you into anything. I really just wanted to give Molly a Christmas present." He paused. "They've got stuff for us, too, and since they're going to be gone for Christmas…"

"Chuck, it's okay. I mean, it's not…" She had a confused, flummoxed look on her face, like she was trying to work it all out on the spot and failing. "But I'm just going to have to deal with it. I have had time now to decide and…I've decided. I'm not backing out."

He let out a huff of air. "I really, really didn't want to go there without telling you." Scooting closer, he reached up and cupped her chin gently, making sure she heard and understood every word he said. "That's not how I want us to be. I don't want this to be me walking on eggshells about every little thing, or going behind your back because I don't want to upset you. Everything needs to be on the table, because we're married. We're sharing a life. And I think it's important you know how serious I am about this. If you hadn't walked in right in the middle of my conversation with your mom, I would have told you the moment you got home."

She was smiling again and then she wrapped her arms around him and dropped her head on his shoulder. "I appreciate that, Chuck. I do. It's just that it's going to be hard. The last time I remember my mom, I never thought I was going to see her again. To keep her and Molly safe. And before that, things were really…difficult…between us. We never got along very well. At all. Really. Not that either of us really tried that hard. I just…I don't know. I'm at a loss."

"You don't have to go. I can tell Molly that you…have a cold. Or something."

"No." She lifted her head and looked at him seriously. "Thank you, Chuck. But no. As serious as you are about…all of the things you just said, I'm serious about starting my life—a real life—with you, obviously, and Ellie and Devon and everyone else. But also with…I mean, having my mom around will be weird, but eventually it has to be good, right?"

"It was good."

She raised her eyebrow. "It was?"

"Yeah. I mean, you two weren't perfect. But it was peaceful, warm, albeit a little tentative. She knows what happened to you, Sarah. And she knows you're having a hard time. She probably thinks that the woman showing up at her door today will be the same woman who dropped Molly off at her house almost six years ago."

"The cold, ruthless spy."

"Not that, no. A woman desperate to do what was right by a child she didn't even know. You're the same Sarah you've always been," he added softly, but Sarah seemed to be off in her own world at the moment. He couldn't even imagine what she was going through. He wished there was a way to soften it for her. He wished he could persuade her that everything would be alright. That her mother loved her and that Molly loved her, and that they were capable of being a family again. In Molly's eyes, they probably were a family.

In the times they met Emma and Molly after Sarah saved them from Ryker, Molly would give Sarah a tight hug and ramble to her about school. Granted, she was head over heels for Chuck in the way only a six year old little girl could be. But he'd always been good with kids. Even with the tentative connection between Sarah and Emma, the love was apparent. Maybe there was something about that biological thread between them. They were mother and daughter, no matter what happened between them. It was just like him and his parents. His mom and Ellie. There was still a semblance of discomfort between them. He saw it sometimes. But that would pass. There was so much history, but it would be overcome by time and persistence and warmth. Always warmth.

He knew Emma and Sarah were well on their way to that, before Quinn disrupted their lives.

Chuck had every faith that Emma would still be in the same place. It would be up to Sarah to catch up.

He kissed her temple softly. "Ready to go?"

"I'm the one with my coat on, Chuck," she teased, straightening the shoulders of his button-up.

They left less than five minutes later.

Chuck could practically feel Sarah's nerves radiating off of her body as they neared Emma's house, a different house than the one Ryker had invaded not even a year earlier. It had been decided that it would be safer if she relocated, not that they thought there was a threat now that Ryker was dead.

He pulled up to the sidewalk and stopped the car, turning it off and hearing her sigh heavily. "You alright?" he asked, reaching over to take her hand.

"God, this is crazy," was all she said, staring straight ahead but squeezing his hand tightly.

"It is. I know. But it's going to be all right." She sent him a bit of a glare. "I'm serious, Sarah!" he insisted. "I know you don't remember it, but the times we spent here, and the times they spent at our apartment, were happy times." He pulled his hand from hers and rubbed her back comfortingly over her coat. "Let's go inside. I'll be right beside you. And, I mean, we're just exchanging gifts."

"Molly doesn't know what happened to me, does she?"

"I don't know if Emma told her."

"What if she asks me something about…I mean, something I don't remember?"

Chuck sighed. She had a good point. "We'll face that if we come to it. Together. Okay? Let's go in."

"I don't want to."

He stopped and pulled back a little, rubbing his hands up and down his thighs. "Sarah…"

"I mean, I will. I didn't mean that. I'm a little terrified. Bursting into a room full of terrorists wielding AK-47s? Wouldn't even bat an eye. But this? This is too much."

"You can do this, Sarah Bartowski. You can. I know you can."

She nodded, licking her lips. "I know."

"Is there anything I can do right now to help you? Something tangible?"

The side of her mouth quirked up a little at that and she raised her eyebrows cutely. "How 'bout a kiss?"

He chuckled and shook his head, leaning towards her. She met him in the middle and they stayed that way for a few seconds, or maybe a little longer than a few seconds, because suddenly there was a rapping sound against Sarah's window.

They pulled apart and he saw Sarah's hand go for her knife that was most likely tucked in some unknown place on her body, but he caught her just in time, his fingers around her wrist. She blinked once and breathed out, turning to see just the top of Molly's little face as she stood on her tip-toes, slamming her little hand on Sarah's window.

When they looked at her, she waved. Chuck waved back and Sarah just turned to look at Chuck. "Oh God, it's her. Chuck, I'm not ready."

"Yes, you are."

"I'm not."

"You are. Get out of the car, Sarah."

"Chuck…"

"Sarah, your mom is coming out. We have to get out of the car."

"Kiss me one more time?"

He pressed his lips to hers quickly, then pulled away, climbing out of the car just in time for Molly's little arms to wrap around his waist. "Chuck!"

He laughed and knelt down in front of her, hearing Sarah open her door and get out of the car as he continued to give Molly his attention. "Hey, Molly."

"Hi."

"Guess what I've got in the backseat."

"A present?"

Chuck almost swallowed his own tongue. "Yes, a present. For you."

Her grin was so giant and happy that Chuck decided the next however many hours of discomfort would be worth it. "Come on, let's get it out."

"Okay."

She grasped onto his hand with both of hers and swung it back and forth as he opened the back door and reached in. But he found Sarah looking at him, leaning in from the other side, the wrapped box already in her grasp. He gave her a reassuring smile and a wink and moved back, shutting his door. "Looks like Sarah's got your present."

Molly smiled shyly and let him lead her back around the car.

Emma waited at the bottom of the steps leading to the front porch, shielding her eyes from the sun, a small smile on her face. It turned apologetic as they approached. "Sorry. She got so excited when she saw you through the window and I couldn't stop her."

Chuck saw her eyes drop down to where Sarah had his hand in a death grip.

"That's okay, Emma," he said quickly. And then he gently pulled his hand away from Sarah so that he could give his mother-in-law a hug. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." When she backed away, she put her hand on Molly's head. "Did you say 'Merry Christmas' to your sister?"

Molly blinked and smiled, before moving around Chuck and wrapping her arms around Sarah's legs. "Merry Christmas, Sarah."

Chuck watched Sarah's face closely as she breathed out her response, a strangled "Merry Christmas", before she dropped to her knees and looked at the child whose life she had saved—something Chuck knew she did remember. "Merry Christmas, Molly," she said in a more sure voice. She raised a hand as though she was going to touch the little girl's face, or maybe brush her hair back from her eyes, but she stopped, letting it hover for a moment, before dropping it back to Molly's arm.

She looked over Molly's head at her mother and stood again. "Hi, Mom."

Chuck could see his wife struggling, and he wasn't sure if she was on the verge of tears, or trying to say something. Either way, it was getting harder and harder for him not to just wrap her up in his arms. He couldn't even imagine what she was thinking at this moment.

"Hi, honey."

For her part, Emma was warm and understanding. Chuck knew that if she wasn't aware of the situation, she would have hugged Sarah without a second thought. But for now, she hung back and ushered Molly inside first.

"Chuck, Mom made finger cookies with powdered sugar."

"She did?"

He let Molly pull him away from Sarah's side and into the entry way of the small, comfortable home she shared with Sarah's mother. A home Chuck imagined Sarah might have lived in as a little girl if fate had treated her kinder. He imagined her with dark blond hair and a braid, maybe a little taller than Molly, with a grin that knocked any and all adults right on their asses it was so vibrant and cute.

Sarah hung back with her mom as Molly pulled Chuck to the table in the dining room a few feet away. "I dunno, Molly. I'm not sure I want to eat finger cookies." He wrinkled his nose. "Even if your mom made 'em."

She giggled so hard she almost tipped over, and instead grabbed one and thrust it in his face. As close as she could get to it at least. "They're not real fingers, silly! See? Just shaped like them!"

"Oooh, that's different."

"This one's for you." She shook the cookie at him and he took it from her.

"Thank you, Molly." He held it up to his nose and sniffed it, pursing his lips thoughtfully. "You're sure this isn't a finger?"

"It's not a finger!" she giggled.

"Okay, I trust you." He took a bite and she looked incredibly pleased. Then she looked back at the plate, her brow furrowed in a way that reminded him of Sarah. But then he shook himself a little. Sarah and Molly weren't blood-related. They hadn't even spent time together. He just couldn't help thinking of Molly as Sarah's sister... maybebecause it made him think about what his child with Sarah might be like. Someday.

He would keep that thought to himself, but smiled all the same. And then he watched as the little girl grabbed a finger cookie in each hand and walked back to Sarah. "Sarah, you want a finger cookie?"

The powdered sugar coating the cookie was now smeared all over Molly's hand, considering the way she'd palmed it without a care in the world, but Sarah took it anyways and smiled down at her sister. "Thanks. I'd love one."

She took a dainty bite out of it and chewed happily, but Chuck could still see how tense she was.

He moved to her side and draped his arm around her, squeezing her opposite shoulder. "So. How are you, Emma?"

"Oh. Good. Getting ready for the holiday."

"On Friday, we're having a Christmas party in Miss Grigsby's class. And Mom is doing the decorations. And I get to give my secret Santa a gift."

"You get a Christmas party? Already?" Chuck asked.

Molly reached up and grabbed Chuck's sleeve, then did the same to Sarah's and walked backwards towards the living room until they were at the couch. "Yeah, 'cause after that I get two whole weeks that I don't have to go to school."

Chuck sat on the couch and looked up at Sarah who seemed unsure, even as she glanced back at him and saw that he was sitting.

"Make yourself at home, Sarah," Emma said from the doorway.

Sarah nodded and sat down, scooting close to Chuck so that their shoulders and thighs were touching. The only way they could be closer were if she were on his lap. And at the moment, that looked like the place Molly was fixing to sit.

She must have thought better of it though, because instead she narrowed her eyes thoughtfully and sat on the coffee table in front of Chuck and Sarah.

"Can I get either of you something? Coffee? Water? I'm afraid I don't have soda right now."

"That's fine," Sarah piped up. "Um…I'm okay actually."

"Are you sure?" Emma asked. "I can put a pot of coffee on. It'll beat back the chill." Sarah seemed hesitant which Emma must have picked up on, because she added, "This is about the time I have my coffee normally, actually. So I'll just be making extra if you want some."

"Oh." Sarah finally nodded. "Then...I'll have some coffee, maybe. Thanks."

"Me, too," Chuck said, taking it as a sign that Sarah was maybe settling in a bit, considering she just accepted an offer of coffee. After a lot of nudging, but still. "Thank you."

Emma excused herself and Chuck quietly took Sarah's hand in his.

"Chuck?" Molly's eyes dropped to his and Sarah's hands resting on Sarah's leg, their fingers threaded together.

"Yeah, Molly?"

"Is my sister your girlfriend?" she asked through the empty space beside her front teeth.

He saw in his peripheral as Sarah's head snapped to look in his direction. "She was my girlfriend," he answered diplomatically.

Molly's nose wrinkled and she looked up at the ceiling in confusion. "Then she isn't now? But you touch a lot."

Sarah covered her mouth with a hand and he knew she was smiling.

"That's because we're married now. Before we got married, Sarah was my girlfriend. And now she's my wife."

"Oh, yeah! I forgot." She grinned again and scooted a little forward so that she could hop back to her feet, leaning against Sarah's knees and resting her elbows on her thighs. "I like your ring, Sarah."

"Thank you, Molly."

"That's a big diamond."

"I know. Chuck picked it out." She pushed her hand closer to Molly, who picked it up in her much smaller hands and played with her fingers.

"You did a good job, Chuck."

"Why, thank you," Chuck teased, poking the little girl in the side.

Suddenly Emma popped back around from the kitchen, an apologetic look on her face. "I'm sorry. I forgot that the coffee machine is on the fritz. Is hot cocoa okay?"

Chuck perked up a bit. "What's wrong with it?"

"I don't know. It's probably just time to get a new one."

"Well, why don't you let me take a gander?" he asked, climbing to his feet and peeling his coat off.

"Oh, I don't want to steal you away."

"It's okay!" he chirped, not giving Sarah time to answer. He knew she was most likely freaking out at the prospect of being with Molly alone while he helped Emma with her coffee machine. "Molly, why don't you keep Sarah company for a bit while I help your mom with the coffee?"

Chuck noticed that the only person in the room who didn't look a little nervous was Molly. Even Emma wrung her hands a little, though he was almost certain it was for Sarah's sake rather than not trusting Sarah with Molly. He set his coat on the arm of the couch and sent Sarah a meaningful look. Try, Sarah.

She just made a bit of a forlorn face up at him and then schooled her features into a smile.

As he walked out of the room, Emma sent him a look that screamed "I trust you know what you're doing", before they moved into the kitchen and out of earshot from the two blond-haired, blue-eyed sisters.

A/N: Good way to get yourself shanked, Chuck, my man.

Please review. Thanks!

-SC