New Memories: A Bartowski Christmas

By Steampunk . Chuckster

A/N: Hope everyone is well. Thanks again for the kind words about my fic. Here's part 6.

Disclaimer: I don't own the show and I'm not making money.

Sarah took a deep breath as Chuck disappeared out of the room, taking along with him the buffer he'd been providing between her and her family. God, this was her family.

When had this happened?

She knew when it happened. She just didn't remember it. It hurt so badly. It felt so damn unfair. Her chest ached and she felt the lump in her throat. She wanted to stand up and run out of the room, out of the front door, get in the car, and drive away. She wanted to run… Away from this whole situation, to where she didn't have to stare what had happened to her, what had been stolen from her, right in its face.

But this little girl that was climbing onto the couch where Chuck had just been sitting and cuddling into her arm…this was that little baby she had protected from harm in Budapest. It seemed like just a few months ago, when she knew it was actually six years ago.

For a moment, she was torn between hyperventilating and crying. Instead, she smiled weakly and patted Molly's little hand on her arm. "How's…school, Molly?"

"It's okay."

"Just okay?"

Molly wrinkled her nose and shrugged, then pushed her hair out of her face. "I'm good at adding things. But then when we have drawing time, I don't make as good of trees as Bianca. She sits next to me. Her trees look a lot like trees and mine are yucky."

"I'm sure you draw beautiful trees."

The flat look Molly sent her through her eyelashes almost made Sarah laugh. Her sister—God, her sister, that was so weird—grabbed her hand and wrapped both of hers around it. "There's a boy named Jason, though. He keeps making fun of me."

A spike of annoyance shot through Sarah as she looked down at her. "Someone's making fun of you? Why?"

"Mom said it's 'cause he likes me. But I think he's just a mean boy."

Sarah did smile at that. "If he does like you, he isn't showing you the right way. I know that for sure."

That seemed to make sense to Molly, but then she flashed a curious look up at the older blonde. "What's he s'posed to do if he likes me?"

The once-CIA agent shrugged a little. "Well, he's supposed to be nice to you. And make you feel good. Make you feel like you want to spend time with him."

"Oh." She paused, her bottom lip jutting out a little and it was very cute. "Like Chuck?"

Sarah's eyebrows shot up to her hairline practically. Perhaps Chuck was a little too charming. "Does Chuck make you want to spend time with him?"

Molly laughed and thumped her forehead with her palm. "Nooo, silly! I meant yooou!"

Sarah laughed with her. "Oh, gosh. I am silly. Of course you did. He does all of those things for me. Yes."

"Because he likes you?"

"I would go so far as to say that Chuck doesn't just like me. He loves me."

"An' you love him?"

"Very much."

"Do you love me too?"

Sarah felt her smile dim a little and she found herself at a loss for words. She composed herself and reached over with her free hand to tap Molly on the nose with her finger. "I do."

Her heart seized in her chest, even as a massive grin grew on her sister's face.

"Good! Because mom says that a family is s'posed to, um, um...to take care of—of everybody in...in a family. Forever. And love each other very much."

"I think that's true." Although maybe Molly muddled the wording a bit, and it was sweet.

"Me too." Molly fiddled with Sarah's wedding ring again, feeling the ridges on the diamond with the pad of her pointer finger. "Does Chuck take care of you?"

"He does. I take care of him, too. We take care of each other."

"Chuck takes care of mom and me, too. He's good at being a family."

"What does he do for you, Molly?" Sarah suddenly felt a little pensive. Was Chuck giving her mom and sister money without telling her? She couldn't imagine he would do that. The money, yes. But he wouldn't keep it a secret from her.

"Heee…ummmm…he gives me lots of hugs sometimes. And he played dinosaur tea party with me once when mom and you were in the kitchen talking. He even made the pterodactyl noise. That's the flying one with the huuuuge pointy nose. Like this." She made a triangle with her fingers and pressed it to her face, bobbing her head back and forth and making what Sarah assumed were her version of pterodactyl noises.

Sarah giggled, relieved. "That sounds scary."

"Probably just because I'm doing it. It isn't scary when he does it. He's just funny."

"He is funny."

"And Mommy says all the time how much she likes him. I do too. He's silly. And he makes fun faces."

"Well, he's a special person."

"You are too."

Sarah smiled hard.

"And so are you," she replied emphatically. More than you know.

Suddenly Molly gasped and pushed herself off the couch, nearly knocking her knees against the coffee table. And she would have if Sarah's reflexes hadn't kicked in and she didn't grab her quickly by the waist to help her down. "I forgot! Mommy told me not to and I don't know why, but want to see something?"

What didn't her mom want Molly to show her? Sarah frowned inwardly, but nodded. "Okay."

"It's in my room."

Molly trotted over to the doorway and waited patiently with her hands folded in front of her, an expectant look on her face. Sarah finally stood up, rounded the coffee table, and joined her, letting Molly clutch at her hand and pull her up the stairs.

She heard laughter from the kitchen. Something Chuck must have said to make her mother laugh. It was a sound Sarah hadn't heard in years. Well, maybe she had and…she just couldn't remember it. The last time she remembered her mom doing anything at all was when she was standing on the porch, telling Sarah that it could be her home too. To be honest, she never thought she would see her mother again.

And it had hurt, in spite of everything they'd been through.

Now, she didn't know what the future would look like for her and her mother. But she had a feeling it would all come down to Molly. And possibly Chuck. Definitely Chuck.

She looked up and found herself in a little girl's room, flooded with soccer trophies and pictures of Molly in dance costumes. Like a moth to a candle, she gravitated to the pictures and picked them up, looking at them all.

Her mom had done an amazing job raising this little girl. And she'd had no doubt, really. The sacrifice Sarah had made those years ago (even though it only felt like months ago) was worth it.

"It's over here."

Sarah turned to see Molly on her hands and knees, reaching under her bed. "Can I help you with that?"

"Nuh uh. I keep it here 'cause it's secret and special."

"It is, huh?"

"Mhm."

She emerged with a wooden frame in her hand. She grinned and turned it around. "Mommy let me put it in a frame instead of keeping it in my drawer with my undies."

Sarah's smile died as she looked at the piece of wood encased in the glass. There were a few marks on it, made in pen, with dates scrawled beside them. The last date at the top was in Sarah's handwriting. "Wow," she breathed, when on the inside she was dying. "Who—Uh, my memory is so bad, Molly. Lots going on in there." She pointed to her temple. "Where did you get that?"

"From my old house." While she seemed confused that Sarah didn't remember, she also seemed to be just as happy to relay the events again, climbing onto her bed and clutching the frame as though it was incredibly special to her. "You said it was m'portant to keep this so I would know how much I grew. So as a secret, when Mommy was busy bossing Chuck around," Sarah giggled at that, "you took it off the wall with a big knife and wrapped it up and told me to keep it safe so I put it in my undies drawer."

"You did?" She wanted to cry. Because suddenly she thought of Chuck in that house that they were supposed to buy, and she had this image of him stroking his hand up the threshold of the door, the candlelight playing off of his back, his voice reminiscing as he told her how he and Ellie measured themselves as they grew up…

"Yeah! But Mommy found it one day and I thought she would be mad because I kept it a secret but she..." She screwed her face up in confusion. "She cried instead. And then the next day it was on my bed like this!" Molly looked down at it. "I grew a lot between this one and this one," she explained, smudging the glass with her finger.

"Did I…Did I do that last one?" Sarah asked, trying to keep her voice level.

"Yep! Before you took the big knife out."

"Oh."

"Molly? What are you doing, honey?" Emma's voice drifted up from the bottom of the stairs.

"Nothing!" the wide-eyed little girl hurried, frantically leaping off the bed and shoving the frame under it. She stood up just in time for Emma to walk into the room. Sarah's eyes slid over her mom's shoulder, unconsciously looking for Chuck, but he wasn't there. She really wanted him to be. She needed him suddenly.

"What are you two doing up here?"

"Uhhhh…" Molly wrapped her arms around Sarah's leg and Sarah saw her mom tense, as though she was nervous Molly was overstepping, nervous that Sarah wouldn't like the affectionate gesture. And as strange as it was having this little girl who'd been only a few months old the last time she saw her clinging to her as though she knew her well—and apparently she knew her well enough—Sarah felt the need to reassure her mom, and maybe even herself. So she put her hand on Molly's head and smiled.

"Molly was showing me Rex." She reached over to the foot of the bed and picked up the stuffed dog with floppy ears. The secretive grin she shared with Molly was well worth the strange flood of emotions in her. God. She remembered the name of Molly's stuffed animal. It was just there all of a sudden, and it tumbled out from between her lips.

Swallowing thickly, she met her mom's gaze. "Where's Chuck?"

"Waiting for us downstairs."

"Oh." She started following Molly and Emma out of the room when she stopped suddenly. "Uh…Mom, can I talk to you for a second?"

Emma turned and smiled, her features maybe a little cautious, strained—as though she felt the need to walk on eggshells around her daughter. "Molly, honey, why don't you go downstairs and ask Chuck if he can make you hot cocoa while your sister and I talk?"

"Really?"

"Mhm. Because this is a special occasion."

"Okay!"

Molly hopped down the stairs slowly, her feet thumping against the wooden steps with each hop as Emma guided Sarah back into Molly's room.

They stood together in silence, Sarah looking at Rex on the bed, trying to gather the words she wanted to use. Then…finally… "I'm sorry it took so long for me to visit after…after everything that happened."

"Oh, Sarah. Sweetie. You don't have to apologize. Chuck told me. I understand."

"I know he did. I just… For me, it's like the last five years never existed. I dropped Molly off at your doorstep not too long ago in my mind. And I can't shake it. It's like she grew a couple feet in the span of a few months. And I never thought I'd get to come back. And see you. When Chuck told me everything…" She didn't know what else to say.

"Sarah, it isn't just us. You've had to rediscover everything. Being told you're married and that you have a family and friends. Being told you were building a life with…" Her face fell.

"A man I knew nothing about. I know," Sarah finished when her mom didn't seem able to.

"That all must have been so hard. And I wish I could have been there for you during all of that. I wish I could have talked to you. Helped…make it better."

There was more behind her words. As though her mom knew inherently that she would have done more harm than good, most likely. "I know," Sarah murmured. "I'm just sorry it took this long. It's been…difficult to digest. All of this."

"Are—" Emma shook her head, as though deciding not to go down that path, whatever path it might have been. "Well, you're here now. And I'm willing to talk. I always have been. If you need to. About anything." She paused, seeming to come to a decision on something. "What about Chuck? Are, um, you two doing okay?"

A smile came unbidden to Sarah's face. She shifted her weight to one side, suddenly feeling a flood of words come out of her. "God, I can't even explain it to you because I still don't quite understand it myself, but…it happened so fast, it made my head spin. I fell so quickly...again. Faster than the first time. Like he was still here somewhere," she said, her hand over her heart. "...even though he wasn't here anymore." She poked her temple. Her mom just smiled warmly. Patiently waiting.

"It was so easy for me to love him. It is so easy. I mean, it's been hard—little things, relearning him, relearning us. But it's become more of a…" She moved her hand in a circle, trying to think of the word.

"Adventure?" her mom provided.

"Yes." Sarah's smile widened. "It's been an adventure. And we're all right. There are small things that I—that I need to work out myself. But he's it, Mom. He's the rest of my life. I just know it. I knew it even when I was running away from him, even when I didn't remember him, or know him yet. I knew I was looking at the rest of my life." She let out a long breath. "It's crazy, isn't it?"

Emma wiped at her cheeks where tears had escaped. "It's not that crazy." She almost continued, but stopped, tugging on the hem of her sweater. "Can I say something?"

"Of course. Yes."

"When I saw you two together for the first time…I hope you don't mind if I say it, but I never thought I would ever see you so happy. It was a picture of you on your w—" Sarah clenched her lips together when her mom's voice broke. "On your wedding day. Both of you together. And I thought…what sort of a man must he be?"

"Incredibly special. And important."

"He really is," her mom agreed. And Sarah Bartowski found herself a little surprised by how much it warmed her to her core to know that her mom not just approved of her husband, but cared about him—obviously a great deal. Perhaps Chuck had even become something of a son to her ever since she and Emma were reunited.

But then Emma's features dimmed and she swallowed thickly. "And when I heard what happened, I was terrified that things wouldn't work out. I was so afraid that you would lose all of that. I hate sounding so pessimistic but…"

"I know. I was different back then, back when I left Molly here. I changed in those five years. And now I'm back to square one."

"I couldn't imagine Chuck not fighting for you. He seems like a fighter."

Sarah shrugged one shoulder with a small smile. "We both fought to get here. In a way, we're probably still fighting…maybe…"

"Can I ask you…?"

"What is it, Mom?" Sarah prompted after a few seconds.

"It's only been a couple of months since you lost your memories, Sarah. And Chuck told me when you moved back in. It was just…so quick. I'm just worried that maybe it…it was too soon? Like you felt as though you had to. It's obvious things are good now, but…"

Sarah knew she meant well, and part of her thought perhaps her mom wasn't just asking for Sarah's sake, but for Chuck's as well. It wasn't at all surprising that he'd already managed to charm Emma into caring about his well-being, too.

Sarah Bartowski thought long and hard about how to answer her mom's question. Something that wasn't just true, but that would convince her mom as well. She finally looked up and met her mom's eyes that were a lot like her own.

"It's a fair question. It-It was quick. And it felt quick. Even if it wasn't immediate. Something inside of me didn't forget, Mom. I don't know how but, I guess my...soul? ...itdidn't forget him, or...that home. Our home." She shut her eyes for a few seconds, not knowing how else to say it. "This is going to sound totally out of character but…he's my soulmate. So many things in the last few months have proven that to me. Time and time again. Like I said, I looked at him and saw the rest of my life."

"But…"

"I love him, Mom. Without even a single doubt. Even though I can't remember a lot of the past five years I've shared with him, I love him just as much as I must have before. More, even. Chuck is…" What? ...Everything? He was everything.

"He's exactly what I always thought you deserved."

Sarah smiled at her mom, her heart racing.

Without a second thought, she closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around Emma, holding on tightly and feeling the tears pool in her eyes. "I should have come sooner," she whispered brokenly. "I'm sorry. I was scared."

"No, Sarah. I wanted you to come when you were ready. I told Chuck that."

"But Molly…"

Emma pulled back and gently cupped Sarah's face. "Molly's still so young. She's resilient. And like I said…you're here now."

"This is hard. I feel like no time passed and yet everything is different. Like-Like someone snapped their fingers and suddenly it all changed and that baby I left with you is a grown little person who plays soccer and..." She sniffed.

"I know, sweetie. I know it is hard. And this is so unfair. But we're family. We'll all get through it together."

Sarah nodded and thought for a moment that she should invite her mom to come for Christmas, belatedly realizing that still had no idea what Christmas at the Bartowskis would entail. Not only that, but Chuck had mentioned Emma and Molly taking a trip upstate to visit an old friend of Emma's for the holidays.

"We will," was all she said, wiping her eyes and taking a deep breath.

Her mom smiled. "Let's go downstairs and make sure Chuck isn't spoiling your little sister by letting her have whipped cream and marshmallows on her hot cocoa."

Sarah laughed softly and followed her mom out of Molly's room to the staircase. They descended together, both of them with their hands at their sides, and Sarah wanted to thread her arm through her mom's but she thought better of it. Things were still a little tense, a little less strained. But it wouldn't always be that way. She knew that for sure, now.

And she was infinitely glad she had decided to visit today, tp see Molly and how big she'd gotten. How smart she was. And beautiful. And best of all, she seemed so well-adjusted and loved and…happy.

Chuck and Molly came out of the kitchen and met them at the bottom of the stairs.

Sure enough, there was a massive pile of whipped cream on top of Molly's plastic cup of hot cocoa, along with a few tiny marshmallows...and there was even a bit of cream on the tip of her nose. Sarah saw her mom send Chuck a bit of a chastising (albeit amused) look, before raising her eyebrow at Sarah as if to say See?, causing the ex-spy to laugh.

"What?" Chuck asked. "Oh. That. Uh…Well…'Tis the season?" He looked down at Molly with affection. "Hey, uh…kiddo, you got somethin' on your nose."

Molly then dipped her nose even further into the whipped cream and came up with even more, seeming to feed off of Chuck's laughter.

"Okay, missy. That's enough of that. Either you eat that whipped cream properly or I take it away."

Looking properly chastised, Chuck backed away from the situation and handed Sarah her coffee, having apparently fixed the machine like the genius she knew he was.

"Is this something I need to watch out for? You encouraging our kids when they're bad?" she asked under her breath, her lips close to his ear.

She knew the look he was giving her even though she kept her eyes on her mom wiping the whipped cream off of her sister's nose. It was a bit of a bombshell, she knew. And this wasn't exactly the typical situation or place for telling your husband you wanted kids someday. But it just felt right to say it.

There was so much growth that needed to happen, and more time they needed to spend together, and a number of other things that needed to happen as well—but this scene, surrounded by her little family, her mom and her sister and her Chuck—it was nearly perfect. And as had been their habit today, the words just seemed to tumble out of her mouth.

A/N: A little intense there, Sarah... damn.

Please review. Thank you. More tomorrow.

-SC