Outburst

Rey sat in one of the Falcon's sleeping quarters. She had a rare moment of privacy without anyone else intruding. She loved her friends of course, and Leia was a wonderful mentor and she felt like the mother Rey had never had. She was glad Finn was ok and was quickly becoming fast friends with the pilot that he had helped rescue, Poe. They were surprisingly similar which caused them to argue at times, but they were still good friends. She also talked to Rose at times, the girl that Finn had been taking care of. Rose was very friendly and welcoming, even though she was recovering from some serious injuries. The Resistance welcomed her with open arms and she had multiple friends who were supportive and kind. Finn, Poe, Rose, Chewie, Leia, and even the droids, BB-8, R2-D2, and C3PO. But she still felt as if something was out of place. It had only been a few weeks since Crait, but the Resistance was still recovering. While Rey wasn't wounded physically, besides the cut on her arm, she was holding a lot of pain inside. She did her best to hide it, smiling and helping others as best as she could. But now she was alone. Her hand moved slightly and the door of the room slid shut with the help of the Force.

When the door shut, she allowed herself to drop her mask of optimism. She slumped against the wall as she sat on the small bed. She kicked her boots off and drew her knees up to her chest. Her expression became one of exhaustion and sadness. She groaned slightly and she rested her head on her knees. She inhaled sharply and winced in pain as she moved her arm. Her cut hadn't healed yet. Her calloused fingertips carefully traced the shape of it on her arm. Her heart twinged as she saw how it was shaped. It wasn't one continuous line and it looked as if it had been broken in two. It looked like two hands reaching for each other, but they were separated by just a sliver of space. It wasn't much, but it was enough.

She bit her lip and before she could stop herself, her mind wandered to the events on the Supremecy. Kylo, Ben, she didn't even know at this point. She was so confused.

Shortly after boarding the Falcon, she found herself alone with Leia, Luke's sister. She was so like him, but so different at the same time. Leadership came so easily to her, whereas with Luke she sensed that he was more uncomfortable with it, or it wasn't as natural to him. Leia carried herself with a regal, but kind presence. She had come over and had sat next to Rey when she saw her brother's broken lightsaber in her hands. Rey had looked up in surprise, she didn't know Leia very well, but at the same time felt weirdly close to her. Leia had kindly put her hand over Rey's to still her trembling fingers. She remembered speaking softly to her.

"Luke is gone. I felt it. But it wasn't sadness or pain. It was," she had paused to search for the right words. "Peace and purpose." she finished. Leia nodded and smiled sadly.

"I felt it, too."

Rey remembered opening up to the woman, and Leia had listened to her kindly. Leia was so strong. She was the general of the Resistance with great leadership skills and a kind but firm authority. She was also Ben's mother. When Rey had thought of that her voice had trailed off.

"Be-Kylo," Rey caught herself. "Is only getting stronger." She looked into Leia's brown eyes and was startled to see how much they were like her son's. "He asked me to join him," she said softly. "To rule the galaxy with him." She bit her lip to keep some of her pain concealed.

Leia's heart twisted when she realized that Rey cared for her son. She was hurt and disappointed, but that was because she cared for him. Leia looked at Rey with the smallest glimmer of hope.

"Tell me," she said. "Is my son still alive?" Rey tried to give her a sad smile, but her lips trembled.

"I hope so. I think so," she replied. "I saw glimpses of Ben before Kylo Ren took over again. I don't think he's beyond saving." Rey looked at the general with hope and desperation. "I wanted to help him, I…" she trailed off before lowering her gaze to the broken lightsaber in her hands. Leia's gaze softened with sympathy and she squeezed Rey's hand tenderly.

"You care for him," she stated simply. Rey opened her mouth as if to protest, but then shut it because Leia was right. She did care for him. She cared for Ben, not Kylo. She nodded solemnly.

"I do. I wanted to help him but I…" she trailed off. Leia squeezed her hand empathetically and gave Rey a small smile.

"Thank you," she said. "For giving me hope that my son isn't gone." Rey looked up and saw how much love Leia's eyes held for her son, and how much compassion she held for Rey.

Rey was pulled out of the memory and found herself on her bed again. She felt something on her cheeks and her hand touched her face. It came away wet and she hastily wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. Then she felt it. The telltale rumble in the Force, the noises around her fading into nothingness, and the familiar tug on her consciousness. She looked up and found herself staring into the eyes of Kylo Ren.

Rey froze for a moment as a thousand emotions swept through her body. Before she could stop herself, she felt a flash of relief and gladness that he was there. It had been weeks since Crait and despite everything, she had missed him, she missed his comforting presence that reminded her that she wasn't alone. She had tried so hard to block out their connection, and she didn't realize how taxing it was until now. It had opened a few times before, but one of them always closed it off, the longest interaction between them barely sustaining a few words. She remembered the first time it opened, a few days after Crait. She had been caught by surprise but she quickly tried to close the connection. Kylo had stubbornly persisted. He had opened his mouth to speak when Rey had cut him off.

"Don't," she hissed through gritted teeth. Her vision was blurred with tears as she glared at him. She thought she saw a flash of sadness in his eyes before she slammed the connection shut.

The next time it had opened, Rey had ended up shouting at him. The most infuriating part of the entire exchange was his calm demeanor and he barely reacted to her outbursts. It reminded her of the first few times where she had yelled at him angrily but he only responded calmly, trying to figure out the logistics of the Bond instead of responding. The only difference was that now his eyes held anger and betrayal in addition to the constant pain and conflict. His eyes had hardened when she had finished yelling. He had closed the Bond that time. That had been over a week ago.

Now, in the Falcon's alcove Rey cursed when she realized that the Bond had already opened all the way and it was too late to close it. The feel of their Bond was familiar and soothing and she desperately wanted to wrap herself in that comfort like a warm blanket. But those comforting sensations were quickly replaced with anger, hurt, and frustration as she forced herself to remember that they were enemies. She began to open her mouth when she saw his eyes. They were full of pain as he stared at her. Her breath was uneven and shaky but was also in perfect sync with his. His pain mixed with hers and Rey was overwhelmed with the depth of emotion flowing between them. She opened her mouth again and forced her voice to dislodge itself from her throat. She didn't want to appear weak.

"Happy with your new position?" she asked sarcastically. "You got everything you wanted, didn't you? You're Supreme Leader, Luke Skywalker is dead, you won a big battle against the Resistance which has been reduced to barely anything, thanks to you." Her voice was bitter when she said that last part.

"I didn't," his voice cut through the air as it echoed before and after he spoke.

"You didn't what?" Rey asked, confused.

He looked at her straight in the eyes and said, "I didn't get everything I wanted." His dark eyes bored straight through her as she realized what he meant. Her eyes widened before she forced a dismissive look on her face.

"You don't want me," she said hastily, looking away from him. "You just wanted my power and you have plenty of that," she scoffed. His eyes hardened when she said that.

"Is that really what you think?" he asked a low edge to his tone. "That the only reason I asked you to join me was because of your power?" His gaze was angry now, but Rey didn't look at him.

"It's easier to believe that," she stated quietly, half to herself. She didn't move her eyes back up to his until he spoke again, his voice low.

"Why didn't you just take my hand?" he asked, his voice breaking slightly. Rey met his gaze and her throat tightened.

"You know why I couldn't," she replied. He raised his eyebrow.

"Couldn't or wouldn't?" he challenged.

Rey groaned in frustration and anger.

"Why does it matter to you? You told me I was nothing!" she asked angrily.

"I didn't mean it like that and you know it," Kylo said. His voice was louder now. He had been sitting before but now he stood angrily and walked towards her. "Why do you remain in denial? Why do you cling to a hope that doesn't exist? You know I was telling the truth about your parents." Rey flinched and felt as if she'd been stabbed by a lightsaber. She hated that he brought up her parents because it had been tormenting her ever since the Supremacy. Then she realized how close he was. She shrank back further against the wall.

"Stop it," she said, turning her body away from him. "Just go."

"No." She turned to look at him suddenly, confusion, anger, and fear on her face. "Not until you give me an answer."

Rey's eyes narrowed as she glared at him.

"I don't need to explain myself to you. I'm sure you could figure it out yourself." Her voice dripped with sarcasm, but it was to hide the hurt that lay underneath the surface. His large frame dwarfed hers and he stood over her, but even though he was angry, she could sense that he had no intention to hurt her. Somehow, that scared her even more than if he did want to. At least that would have made sense.

"How are you so sure that I know your answer?" he asked. She looked at him and tried to back away but there was nowhere left for her to go.

"Don't you?" She asked, her voice was barely a whisper and her anger was draining away but it was replaced with fear. Why was he affecting her like this? It was as if she had no control over her body. He leaned even closer to her, making her heart skip a beat. He looked at her suddenly with an overwhelming amount of conflict and pain in his eyes. His dark hair had fallen across his forehead, and Rey had the strangest urge to push it out of his eyes. He paused and just stared at her for a moment in a way that made her toes curl. He continued to stare into her eyes and she could see her own reflection in his irises. Then the mask cracked and she could see Ben, without the darkness of Kylo Ren.

"Ben?" she asked softly, her voice barely audible. His eyes softened and he dropped his gaze as if unable to look at her anymore. After a moment, he brought his gaze back up to hers.

"I don't know, Rey," he said softly. "I don't know." Then he was gone.

Rey was alone again in the Falcon's sleeping quarters. There were goosebumps all over her body as his words rang in her ears. I don't know. Rey groaned and flopped onto her back. Her anger had drained away but that allowed her confusion to take hold. She didn't know why he had such an effect on her. But all she could think about at that moment was the way his dark, expressive eyes looked at her when she called him "Ben."