Lucid Dreams

Rey tossed and turned in her small bed on the Falcon. Her muscles ached from training earlier today. Leia had set up a training course for her on Ajan Kloss, where she had to capture multicolored ribbons while fending off training droids at the same time. Her arm was still sore from when the red droid had caught her in the arm. She kept losing her temper during the course which only served to frustrate her more. Her fists clenched the rough fabric of her sheets. Finally unable to stay still any longer, Rey sat up and rubbed at her arm. She carefully unwrapped the leather armband that she wore on her right arm near her shoulder. When she did, she could see her scar. Two hands reaching for each other. Her heart twinged slightly. How long ago had this been? It had been over half a year since she suffered this injury from one of the Praetorian guards. It still hurt at times and she wasn't sure if it was because it still physically injured, or if she was feeling the emotional pain that came with the scar.

Rey bit her lip so hard that it split and she didn't even notice until she tasted blood. She pressed her lips together in a tight line and carefully rewrapped the armband. As she uncovered her scar, her thoughts inadvertently drifted to Kylo. Her mind flew back to their last connection. Had it really been more than 2 months? She remembered it like it was yesterday. Rey couldn't stop thinking about how patient he was when he helped her with the lightsaber, and how gentle he was when he was cleaning her face. She had been glued to the floor, barely able to breathe. His fingers left trails of fire on her skin. His hand had been so large compared to her own and it encompassed her entire cheek. It was warm but also calloused from years of training. When he had looked at her, she'd seen so many emotions swirling in his dark brown eyes. He'd looked at her with tenderness, compassion, and… longing? She remembered the way her chest had tightened when he touched her, or even when he was in the same space as her. Her cheeks flushed red and burned hotly when she remembered seeing him shirtless, again. Without even realizing it, she had openly stared at his toned muscles of his abs and chest. She remembered the way that droplets of water had rolled down his skin and it had flustered her in a way that she hadn't been before. There were times when he was so kind to her-when he was Ben-but then the other times they were at odds and trying to kill each other. Rey's hands rubbed her temples in an attempt to alleviate her growing headache.

Despite her headache, she could easily identify the tremor she felt in the Force, with the world around her quieting, and that all too familiar presence of him. Her hair was free of her usual hairstyle, and she ran her fingers through her brown locks before she moved to face the wall, and found him there.

Kylo was sleeping and she was surprised to see how much younger he looked when he was sleeping. The hardness of his features had softened, the lines of hardship and anger fell away, and he didn't look like he was carrying a giant weight on his shoulders. His skin was smooth, save for a few moles here and there and his scar. Her scar.

She kept still, not wanting to wake him. But her body had a mind of its own as she slowly turned and lay back down on her bed so she was on her side facing him. Her hand slowly reached out towards his face and brushed aside a strand of black hair from his forehead. Rey didn't even know what she was doing. This was wrong, wasn't it? Even as the thought entered her mind, she found herself gently tracing the scar down his cheek and across his jaw. She realized that her mental shields were down since she was so distracted. She quickly formed a barrier around her mind. She mustn't let him know where the Resistance was. Their minds bled into each other's at times so she desperately hoped that he had not seen her location subconsciously.

She must have moved or made a noise because Kylo moved in his sleep and his eyes fluttered open. Rey froze, not knowing what to do. Her hand was still on his jaw. His dark eyes transfixed her and all she could do was stare for a bit. When she tried to take her hand away from him, his hand reached up and gently caught her own hand in his. He moved it back to his face almost as if he were in a trance. He seemed only half awake, his eyes slightly glassy.

He blinked slowly and mumbled sleepily, "Are you an angel?" Rey was taken aback by his question. She tentatively reached out to him through the Force and was surprised to see that his guard was down and his mind was opened to her freely. He really must still be half-asleep. Her eyes came back to his, still questioning and expressive. They held wonder, curiosity, and longing. The last one made her breath hitch.

She hesitated before softly whispering, "No, Ben, I'm not. Why would you think that?" She gave in to her desires if only for a moment, and let her fingers play with his soft hair. He was only half-awake anyway. She hoped he wouldn't remember this later. Wait, did she want him to remember this? His eyes became focused as he met her gaze and then he spoke with a tremendous amount of calm and certainty.

"Because they're supposedly the most beautiful creatures in the galaxy." He said this with such finality and tenderness that Rey's throat tightened. He thought she was beautiful? Then she remembered that the only clothes she was wearing were sleep shorts and a rather revealing tunic. Her cheeks burned and she turned her gaze away, embarrassed.

"I'm not beautiful," she said softly. "I'm nothing, remember?" Her voice cracked slightly at that last statement and she saw a flash of regret in his eyes. She hated that even she could hear the underlining hurt that her voice carried. Her hand stopped moving in his hair as he gently pulled it down from his head. He lay on his side and looked at her. He didn't let go of her hand. Rey shivered slightly, as she tried to avoid his gaze.

"You're not," he said softly. Rey still didn't look at him, afraid of what she would see. Rey, look at me. His voice rang in her head even though his lips didn't move. She reluctantly obliged and was struck by the sincerity in his face and instead of Kylo, she just saw Ben.

"Not to me," he whispered as his eyes blinking sleepily. Rey didn't try to remove her hand from his grasp. His thumb stroked her wrist and he aimlessly traced a pattern on her palm. Rey felt her heart stutter as she looked at him. He was already falling asleep again. Rey smiled sadly, knowing that moments like these were always short, stolen in time. She began to pull her hand away but his grip tightened, his eyes opening again. His eyebrows drew together in concern and he frowned slightly. He let go of her hand to reach for her arm. Rey froze, not knowing what to do. She felt his fingers trace her scar and it felt like her skin was on fire.

"Did this not heal yet?" he asked softly, looking at her with genuine concern and Rey's chest tightened. She forced herself to hold his gaze, even though his eyes threatened to drown her in emotions. A piece of hair fell against her cheek as she shook her head slightly.

"No, it did," she replied. "It just hurts sometimes." A flicker of sadness seemed to pass over his face as he caught her double meaning. Without breaking eye contact, he moved his hand from her arm to her face as he brushed the strand of hair behind her ear. The heat of his fingers remained on her face long after he drew his hand away. He gave her a long look, his eyes roamed over her face but it felt like he was analyzing her entire being.

Ben? she asked with her mind. He didn't answer her and his eyes fluttered shut. Wondering if he had fallen asleep again, she gently touched his cheek again. His eyes opened and her breath hitched when she saw how intensely he was gazing at her. His full lips turned up ever so slightly as he slowly fell back into unconsciousness.

"Yeah," he whispered, already closing his eyes. "Absolutely beautiful." Rey felt him fall back asleep as his breathing slowed and his body relaxed. Before she pulled away from his mind, she considered his last words. Was he telling the truth? She almost didn't want to know. But curiosity got the better of her and she looked to see if there was any deception in his words. There wasn't.

She drew back as the Bond closed. Her breath was shaky and uneven. For some reason, the fact that he had been telling the truth scared her more than if he hadn't been. Rey could still feel the warmth of his hand on her skin, the intensity of his gaze, and the meaning of his words ringing in her ears.

Rey turned on her other side so her back was to the wall. Where Kylo had been. Or had it been Ben who was lying next to her? Rey could feel her heart pounding in her chest, and she felt as if she were drowning in an ocean. Too many emotions washed over her for her to process any of them. So she lay inside the Falcon, confused and conflicted. And she reached out to the Force for answers. For why her head and her soul were tearing her apart. It took a long time for Rey to fall asleep that night.

Author's Note: Just one more non-canon chapter before TROS! Gotta set up the conflict between them so they're in the right emotional state before I start writing TROS scenes.